HFIL Is A Wal-Mart Super Center
The alarm goes off beside the bed. Loudly, the lyrics of The
Thong Song pour out of the speaker. Slowly, a hand reaches out and
turns the alarm off. This person has spiky black hair and a widows peak.
He is none other than VEGETA.
Vegeta gets out of bed and heads toward the bathroom. His
hair is drooping over to the side. It not seeming to bother him, he opens
the medicine cabinet. The contents include a strange array of bottles
and containers covered in cobwebs and guarded by moths. He grabs
the empty tube of toothpaste and forces some onto his shabby tooth
brush. The whole time he is doing this, he is staring blankly at the wall,
purple bags under his eyes.
Next, he's off to the kitchen to make coffee. He picks up a
cracked coffee cup and pours some of the watery coffee in it. From a
bare and stinking refridgerator, he takes out a carton of milk. He holds
it upside down and slowly a single drop falls into the cup. Then he puts
the carton back in the fridge. From a jar, Vegeta scrapes what few
grains of sugar are left with a plastic spoon into his coffee and calmly
stirs, still staring. He takes a sip of the horrid coffee and the expression
on his face still doesn't change.
Back in his room, Vegeta looks in his bare closet, and finds
only a pair of spandex pants and a souveneir shirt from Namek that says,
"I Died On Namek And All I Got Was This Shirt". He grabs them with
the same look of indifference on his face.
From there, Vegeta enters bathroom again and closes door.
After a few minutes...
"AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
"NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
He explodes into super saiya-jin with veins bulging sickeningly
on his forehead.
His container of gel is completely empty.
With a crash, Vegeta blasts out of the bathroom window not
even bothering to put his boots on. He flys madly to the nearest store
which just happens to be...
The Wal-Mart Super Center
Boldy, since he is the Prince, Vegeta enters the store to see
Nappa sitting on a stool, snickering at Vegeta's hair while greeting
customers, like an old person.
NAPPA: heh heh!!!!
Vegeta walks on, mumbling something about a weak loser.
Further in the store...
By now, Vegeta has calmed down somewhat (but he's still in
super saiya-jin mode, though).
VEGETA: Well, since I'm here I'll go get all the things that I'm out of.
Let's see... GEL, er, uh, what else?
Vegeta continues walking down the aisle which, typical of wal-mart
stores, held goldfish in tanks of murky water.
Elsewhere in Wal-Mart...
GOHAN: Gosh Mom, school let out yesterday, its summer vacation.
CHI CHI: [Picking up all sorts of school supplies] : Ah, but you're
going to prepare for next year so you'll ace 2nd grade!
GOHAN: AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Back with the Prince...
Vegeta walks by the part of the store where the expensive
makeup, jewerly, and perfume are sold. Krillin is busy trying to spray
a disgusting smelling perfume on people.
KRILLIN: heh heh, I don't have a nose so I don't have to smell it!!
Vegeta then sees Kakkarrotto on one side of a counter
putting blush on Freeza's cheeks.
VEGETA: WHAT in the name of Kami are you doing, Kakkarrotto?!?!
GOKU: I'm showing Freeza how to bring out the color in his, er, her,
uh, its cheeks [Laughs nervously]
VEGETA: [Mumbles some more] : ...just a pretty boy like...
Tien is showing Zarbon the delicate women's jewelry.
VEGETA: [shaking head] : ...inferior imbeciles...
Vegeta, on the way to food department, passes Master
Roshi who is in the women's underwear department. Vegeta uses a
blast to remove Roshi from his cart. Then, Vegeta flings the panties
in the cart out, and pushes it on toward the food.
Vegeta sees Kakkarrotto, again. He is sitting at a small
table, cooking samples of sausage on a frying pan. He cheerily asks
Vegeta a question while looking at a cue card.
GOKU: Hey, Vegeta, taste this yummy sausage. Here's a 2 cent
coupon for it. Here, I'll show you. I'll taste a piece!!
Vegeta's not listening. Goku daintily picks up a piece of sausage, and
swallows it whole.
GOKU: Mm, mm good!! Just like Mom used to make!!
VEGETA: [wheeling around to face Goku] : FOOL, you never met
your mother! She's DEAD!!
By then, though, Goku's eaten all of the cooked sausage. He starts
sweating, eyeing the uncooked portion of sausage left, lying on the
table. Finally, he snatches it up and crams the whole thing in his mouth.
VEGETA: ...low class baka...
A Namekian with a cartfull of gallons of water is standing a few feet
away, not paying attention. Nearby, there is a display for bottled water
around which is a crowd of other Namekians.
Vegeta moves on, carefully selecting a carton of milk.
Goku is steadily, yet laboriously, chewing.
Vegeta gets coffee, sugar, flour, shaving cream, toothpaste, tooth brush,
and finally...
GEL
Vegeta inspects all of the brands and finally decides on an armful and
deposits it into his cart. Even calmer now, Vegeta heads to the clothing
department for "temporary body covering". On the way, he passes...
Yajirobe is behind a weapons counter helping Mirai Trunks
find a suitable Katana blade. Mirai Trunks is closely inspecting one,
then suddenly swings his arm backwards in Vegeta's direction, testing
Vegeta's alertness (what for?). Vegeta merely lifts a gloved wrist,
completely stopping the blade. He keeps on pushing the cart. Yajirobe
and Mirai Trunk's mouths are hanging wide open.
MIRAI TRUNKS: He didn't say a word, didn't even look back!!?!?!?
Vegeta is at the clothes department. He grabs some
spandex, pair of gloves, boxers, and socks. He passes magazine aisle
and picks up the latest copy of the Manga. He pushes while reading,
not paying attention to where he's going. He suddenly runs over something.
It's GOKU!! He's looking real sick.
VEGETA: Move out of the way scum. If you weren't as dumb as a rock
you wouldn't have eaten that trash. Your whole family is BAKAS. Just
scum on the bottom of the wheel of this cart. Third class... [on and on
and on]. Goku tries to go super saiyan, but is too ill. Vegeta uses one
of his finger blasts, hitting Goku square in the gut. Goku belches a foul
burp, temporarily immobilizing Vegeta.
GOKU: Ahhhhhh...Thanks Vegeta, I feel good enough to take you on
now.
VEGETA: Well, make an appointment. I don't have time for you now.
Vegeta walks on, leaving Goku with his mouth wide open.
Vegeta observes the check-out lines. He complains about
pathetic humans flocking to a bothersome store. He finally selects a line.
20 minutes later...
Vegeta is sitting on top of his cart mouthing at the people
around him. He starts yelling at the cashier, whom he can't even see.
CUSTOMER #1: Why don't you be patient like the rest of us.
VEGETA: Why don't you Shut Your Pie Hole, you idiotic baka.
CUSTOMER #2: Sir, could you please not talk so rudely, its disturbing
my child.
VEGETA: You can just shut your pie hole too! Maybe I'll just Final
Flash both of you scum to the next dimension!
CUSTOMER #1: huh?
CUSTOMER #2: what?
VEGETA: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
**************** BLAST ****************
There are two greasy spots on the floor
10 minutes later...
Vegeta is mumbling to himself about low class garbage.
The person behind him accidently bumps Vegeta's cart.
VEGETA: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!
Person is cowering in fear behind their cart. Vegeta starts REALLY
powering up when...
CASHIER: Next, and make it quick. ...grumble, grumble...
Vegeta stops in mid power-up, looks around, powers down, and lands
behind his cart, and calmly pushes the cart to the register who is--
PICCOLO: Hurry up, Prince Monkey, and put your stuff up here.
...can't believe I'm still working here... What?! Put your junk UP HERE!!!
VEGETA: How dare you treat me with such disrespect.
UNFORGIVEABLE!!
Vegeta starts powering up, again.
PICCOLO: Do you want to leave with that garbage in your cart? That
gel specifically. You're lookin real shabby.
Vegeta thinks a minute, then starts piling stuff on the counter with a
purely evil look in his eye. Piccolo pays no attention as he simultaneously
mumbles and scans all of the items. The veins are begining to bulge on
Vegeta's temple, again.
PICCOLO: Alright Fur Ball, that'll be $97.63.
VEGETA: WHAT!!! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!
PICCOLO: [sighs] : Just pay up, tight wad.
VEGETA: NEVER!!!!!! I'LL SHOW YOU, I'LL SHOW YOU ALL. I'LL
JUST USE MY GALLIC GUN AND BLOW THE WHOLE THING UP!!!!!!!!
He blasts out the window. Anyone who knew what Vegeta's Gallic Gun
did, flocked out the doors of the store just in time to see it engulfed in
bright energy, then in smoke. When the smoke cleared, all that remains is
a smouldering charred hole, where the Wal-Mart Super Center used to be.
Afterwards...
The alarm goes off beside the bed. Loudly, the lyrics of "Oops, I Did It
Again" tumble out of the machine. Vegeta gets up and goes into the
bathroom.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Vegeta blasts through the already busted window, flying satanically past a
charred spot, toward a large red "K" in the distance...