Note: This dictionary is not in alphabetical order (or any order, for that
matter) for two reasons:
1. Cap�n doesn�t know the whole alphabet yet (she�s gotten to �D�)
2. She wanted to mess with everyone�s head.
1. beasty- anything gross, disgusting, or even slightly resembling Kacey Jo Kaeser.
2. The pupil is now the teacher- Something you say when you have locked
Burnout out of the C-wing and left him to freeze and be eaten by wild dogs.
3. Merry Christmas ho...ho,ho,ho!- this is something you can say to Jaci-I mean
JD Soyle in the locker room and get your point across without getting busted. Note:
Don�t try this one at Easter, unless you enjoy getting your ass kicked by a bunch of
volleyballers.
4. Ricooooooosuaaaaaaaveeeee- who Kevin wants to be when he grows up.
5. You couldn�t hit the broad side of Ashley- Something Cap�n used to say about
Ashley Bass when she didn�t have an X-acto knife in her hand.
6. I spent all my money on a new Sea Monkey tank- It lights up! Really! It has
tennis courts, and a rec room, and a swimming pool! Hey...wait a second...
7. You will all perish in flames!- This was one of the first stupid phrases, and it�s so
old the Cap�n can�t even remember what the joke was about in the first place.
8. This is the way we do things in Wind Symphony- What you�re thinking as you
tell Mr. Dean that you thought the A flat in measure sixteen was, �merely a
suggestion.�
9. Private Percy Peebles- Cap�n�s lucky charm.
10. Wipe me, Smee!- Hook obviously can�t do it himself, now can he? I mean, what
do you think Smee is there for in the first place?
11. It could be worse. It could be Bearstone- This one is self-explanatory.
12. Kerrville Over the Mountain es el Diablo!- Shannon only knows how to say two
things in Spanish, and this is one of them.
13. Los porquitos son sabrosos- This is the other. And as you may have guessed, it
means, �The little pigs are tasty."
14. Look mommy, I�m a zygote- Hey- I didn�t say this thing was going to be
G-rated. Sex ed rocks!
16. It ain�t broke, it just lacks duct tape.- the Central Region Way.
17. Tis but a scratch!- you use this when you�ve lost both arms and blood is spurting
everywhere. �I�m not dead yet! I�m getting better!�
18. I don�t want a pickle, I just wanna ride my motorcycle.- what you say when
someone offers you a pickle(you don�t use this one that often.)
19. You suck!!- This one is useful when you don�t have anything particularly funny
or clever to say (which is most of the time, in Cap�n�s case.)
21. Yoyoyo- Only the Cap�n�s closest friends get this formal greeting. Well- if the
Cap�n had friends, anyway.
22. Shutup Loretta!- This one�s for the Caidweii.
23. Cool Mach-ines- While I�m at it, this one�s for Matt and Tommy.
24. Shovels and rakes and implements of destruction- Yet another obscure Arlo
Guthrie reference. Get used to it.
25. The Splice Girls- Splice up your sentences!!
26. The United States of Patrick Stewart- Filmed by Patrick Stewart, directed by
Patrick Stewart, narrated by Patrick Stewart, music courtesy Patrick Stewart�s
kazoo, graphics provided by three hobos living in Patrick Stewart�s garage. Special
thanks to Patrick Stewart.
27. Breathe, Ben- what you say after that last entry.
28. Chunky Monkey/Estevanico- This is a blind monkey who ran away from the
circus, rides a chrome tricycle, and owns a gourd rattle.
29. This is the only computer I need [point to skull]- what you say in Computer Tech when Mrs.
Dube asks you a question, and you have absolutely no idea what she�s talking about
because you�re too busy playing with �Mr. Magnet� and �Mr. Hard Drive.�
30. Dooby dooby doo- What you Don�t say in Computer Tech when Mrs. Dube asks
you a question, and you have absolutely no idea what she�s talking about because
you�re too busy playing with �Mr. Magnet� and �Mr. Hard Drive.�
32. It�s all up here, man- what you say when people realize you�re a complete
moron for using any of the phrases above.
33. I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN- Don�t drink the water.
34. I AM THE REPTILE PRINCESS- A really cruddy version of #33, kind of like
winning the Nancy Sinatra award at OM competition instead of a Frank Sinatra.
35. Captain Ginger Snap & Baby BoJangles- nicknames for Shannon and her badly
abused sidekick.
36. In a van...down by the river!- Directions to the Cap�n�s house.
37. Fleischman�s a BUM!!- He is!
38. Mrs. Caidweii- This is the way the Cap�n tells all the incoming 7th graders to
pronounce her name. �The �L�s are silent! She hates it when people say Caldwell!�
40. SOY DIABLO!!- Translated, this means �I am the devil!� but Cap�n uses it to
frighten children and small animals (as if she doesn� already.)
41. You�re such a Bearstone!!- I wouldn�t recommend using this one. No one
deserves that kind of insult.
42. I�ll go Scout on you!- this is what Burnout will do when he finally snaps.
43. I�ll give it to you Jean Louise style- A slight adaptation of #42.
44.Everybody must get sto---happy!!- this is the G-rated version.
45.Missssss...Fittzzzz...Patrick!!-Mrs. Tucker�s way of making Shannon know she�s
busted, even if Jac--er... JD Soyle really did deserve it.
46. Death of a Suru- what the Cap�n is looking forward to. But wait- I got a lot more
where that came from- Tea and Suru, A Streetcar named Suru,aghh. The writer
has been sacked.The rest of the dictionary will be written by Ralph the
Wonder Llama and The Amazing Rando!
47. Order Mark- Limey lunch detention
49. Always remember, my son: good taste may be timeless, but a good time is often
tasteless.- This is the Cap�n�s Golden Rule.
51. Always carry a compass with you, because if you don�t, you might end up in
South Jersey.- We wouldn�t want that to happen, now would we?
52.Arg- Cap�n�s pirate growl. She uses this to make new friends. No wonder she
wasn�t so popular at the daycare center. It took her two years to figure out you
couldn�t operate the see-saw with one person by running back and forth from end to
end.
53. Shiver me timbers, Well blow me down, and other assorted pirate phrases-
These are used in conjunction with the eyepatch and hat.
54. Scurrvy!- the Cap�n�s favorite pirate expression, because she always wanted to
be a Limey.
55. RESPECT MY AUTHORITY!- What Cap�n tells all the other punk drummers
in band, because she�s the Section Leader, and if she doesn�t like your attitude,
you�ll be on triangles and woodblocks for the rest of your life, boy! Ya hear me ,boy!
Darn straight!
56. Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time- You sons of a window dresser!
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries, you silly English
king! You English pig dogs! You stupid K---------niggets!
57. Pirate Spice, Old Spice, Spice Rack, Satan Spice- Spice girl alternates the Cap�n
created for the group.
58. Tyler Noballs- Punk percussionist who had to �respect the Cap�n�s authority.�
59. David It Seems- Yet another punk percussionist who had to �respect the
Cap�n�s authority� even though he�s 1st chair because he has the highest grade. But
none of that matters when it comes down to whether you�ll be playing timpani, or
the claves.
Note: you probably noticed we have skipped #60 completely. This was done for 2 reasons:
1. Cap�n Ginger Snap �doesn�t like the looks of it.�
2. Cap�n really wants 100 entries in this sucker, so she figures if she skips
a few, no one will know the difference.
61. Gimme my money, ho!-What Cap�n (White Chocolate) says when she is wearing
her pimp beads.
62. White Chocolate- the Cap�n says this is the name she uses on �the street.�
63. The Skank-mobile has arrived- What Shannon says when certain persons enter
the room, but only when she�s on �the street�
64. �the street�- the Cap�n�s backyard.
67. Always look on the bright side of death- What everybody will sing at Cap�n�s
funeral, if anybody shows up.
68. Yeah? Well you can just shove it!- What Cap�n says when people don�t �respect
her authority.�
69. Kaidwhey- alternate spelling of #38. �Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating
her kaids and whey.� What the hell is a tuffet anyway?
70. Furshlugginer- The equivalent of th big bad �F� word, or a small kid that
resembles a worm.
71. Eat the children!- I think the Cap�n�s use of this one got her kicked out of the
Catholic Daycare Center.
72. We got it at the Hemp Store- �Mrs. Caldwell told us to get it! Really, Mrs.
Radtke! She said, �Get some of these cookies, children. They�re magical!� And then
we all got to ride the elephants back to Carthage, where we met with the Grand
Council of Fresh Fruit.�
75. Cornelius- Refer to #28. Cornelius can also be thought of as the re-incarnated
soul of that midget who lived in Ashley�s water softener last year.
76. Let�s go play Hillbilly Golf! Maybe we�ll see Mayella there, and if we�re lucky,
she will have forgotten to load her shotgun!- Okay, now I�m just filling up space.
77. I wonder if Mrs. Faulkner ever dressed up as Yoda for Halloween?- It�s a
legitimate question.
78. �Yoda not thirsty. Jedi Knight not thirsty now.�- They don�t call him Crazy Bob
for nothing!
79. Adult puppy- There�s a word for this, it�s a dog.
80. I�ll have a large Fro-sty, please.- A what?
82.blarney- Cap�n G. S. says this a lot in OM because she thinks it makes her sound
Irish. �Well what the blarney is wrong with it?!�
84. Sam Hill Explanation-Term for a completely made-up answer to a question
presented totally seriously, with ridiculous attention to detail.
85. Oh yeah?! Well at least Nebraska doesn�t hate me!- Shannon�s only argument in
her own defense vs. Tadam.
86.Long about noon, when your appetite�s pokin� at ya, pokin at ya-
87. Praying mantis pluralized can be praying mantises or praying mantes- Another
useless fact Cap�n Ginger Snap obsesses over.
88. Miss Jenkins? Miss Jenkins?- �You know those old folks-they git kinda ornery.�
Note: #89 has also been skipped because Captain Ginger Snap says it has a �bad attitude.�
90. There�s...something on the wing. Some...thing!- William Shatner from a Twilight
Zone episode right after he realizes the �monster� on the wing is just an actor
wearing shag carpet.
91. Cecil Jacobs is a big fat hee-en!- Burnout�s expert oratory skills.
92. Scuppernongs- What the Cap�n always orders for Cornelius at restaraunts, then
cancels because she says �Cornelius has trouble digesting restaraunt food.� Which is
no big loss, because the waiter doesn�t know what the hell a scuppernong is,
anyway.
93. I do not want this tobacconist, it is scratched- My hovercraft is full of eels!
94. That�s a bunch of hokum and flim-flammery- Apart from Cap�n Ginger Snap,
only old men in funny hats use this expression.
95. The Perilous Ball...of DEATH!!- This is the odd contraption that hangs over the
Big C�s Podium...of DEATH!! The Cap�n has figured out that pretty much every
place or thing can be followed by �...of DEATH!�
Note: At this point I have noticed I�m 5 entries away from the goal of 100 entries, and rather
than sit and think up 5 more stupid things Cap�n Ginger Snap says, I�ll just skip to #100.
Please take into consideration that it is very late at night, and I�ve had more than a few of
Jaclyn�s Magical Hemp Cookies.
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