NARRATOR: IN THE LAST EPISODE, PREPARATIONS WERE MADE, AND DIES WERE CAST... WHAT THE HECK DO DIES HAVE TO DO WITH THIS STORY? ======================================================================== Warnings: Plot, interesting things happening Graphic violence, use of firearms, death and dismemberment Implied sex between mystical beings/monster/demons and humans Casual use of explicit language Present-tense descriptions ======================================================================== C&C, Flames, Anything, welcome at: rick_spiff@yahoo.com Posted at Insanity Production's home page: http://www.geocities.com/rick_spiff/ ~ Begin fic ~ [Opening Music is Metallica's 'Enter Sandman' played very loudly. A montage of shots flash by to the bars of the song, mostly of the Sidestep cast and various Eva characters dressed in kick-ass clothes and shooting things out of frame. Splattered here and there among the characters are various explosions for variety.] [Music cuts out.] [INT. COLTRANE IND. SPACE STATION MAIN AIR LOCK - MORNING.] [James floats through the main airlock slowly. He looks around like a delivery man--the epitome of cool and laid back. Carrie and Dave wait in the lock itself, watching contemplatively. On cue, a stocky man with curly brown hair enters the room through another door. James sets himself to face the man, hanging onto the wall by one hand. The third and final entrance to the room is kept within his peripheral vision.] James: (to the stocky gentleman) Excuse me, I-- [The man appears not to hear or see James. Since the room is barely wide enough for three people to stand abreast, it isn't easy to miss the assassin. The curly-haired man floats towards the far entrance, but as he passes James, his hand whips out like a snake, the glinting edge of a blade flashing in the artificial light. James' hand clamps onto the blade and halts it, throwing the curly-haired one into a spin. In retaliation, the man starts kicking at James.] James: (curling into a ball and pushing away from the door) GO! [Dave and Carrie slip out while James keeps himself between the attacker and his friends, struggling with the knife man. James twists and turns, trying to put the knife arm into a lock. Since no gravity makes this all but impossible, he finally resorts to wrapping himself around the smaller man like a starfish around a clam. James winds up with his right arm around the man's neck, holding his left hand with the knife in it. With the legs of his enemy blocked, James has only to fight off the man's two hands as he tries to keep the knife away from his jugular--a loosing fight, as the knife inches closer and closer despite his struggles. James' face twists into a psychotic grin promising a lengthy and painful death that James will enjoy greatly and the curly-haired man will wish never happened.] ---------- Title Flash: Episode 12: An Easy Deal/ Waaaaaar in Spaaaaaace! ---------- [INT. SPACE STATION E.V.A. AIR LOCK ROOM.] [Dave and Carrie arrive in large room with an air lock set in one wall and lockers arranged across the 'ceiling' and other walls. Hatches at either end of the room allow people to move through without interrupting work on or in the air lock. Several windows and a communications console are next to the air lock.] Carrie: (floating to a control panel) This is their E.V.A. room. Dave: (watching over Carrie's shoulder) Extra-Vehicular Activity? Carrie: Something like that. Dave: Sounds like its for changing tires. Carrie: (about to respond, but something on the panel beeps at her) What? Oh. There's a backup communications system here I can't turn off. Dave: No problem. I'll provide a distraction. Carrie: Good. (points) Air lock controls are here. You can cycle it with this. [Dave watches her with one eye while she pulls out a stout tube that looks for all the world like a bang stick designed to kill sharks. The end features a short curved blade instead of a hollow harpoon tip.] Dave: Don't you have a Dragonette? Carrie: Yes. Have you forgotten there's thirty people on this station? Dave: No, but can you work that? Carrie: (ducking into the air lock) It's got a sharp end. I'll figure it out. Dave: Good luck! [Carrie closes the air lock doors and waves to Dave. She then flips up the hood on her Hard Coat. After a minute of fiddling with the bladed stick, she gives Dave a thumbs-up. Dave, who has been waiting for this moment, cycles the air lock and gives her the green light. Just as she slips out, four men holding more of the bladed weapons slip into the room, taking up every inch of space.] Dave: (raising his hands) Take me to your leader. [INT. SPACE STATION MAIN AIR LOCK.] [Back in the main air lock access, James and the body of his vanquished foe float slowly across the room. James, having recently discovered that dead bodies bleed quite fast in zero gravity, is trying to rid himself of a corpulently crimson-colored corpse. He's engaged in this task as two of the room's three doors open and admit four guards. All wear gray jump suits with red piping and hold the blade-tipped weapons of the type Carrie just ran off with.] [James looks them over calmly, then considers the dead body he's still holding on to.] James: (cheery tone) I'm here to see Maxim Coltrane. I know I don't have an appointment, but if he's not too-- Guard #1: (apparently the leader) Shut up and follow us. James: (under his breath) --much of an asshole, I'd like to see him. [INT. SPACE STATION BRIDGE.] [James floats into the room preceded and followed by guards. Dave is already seated at the meeting table, his hands cuffed together. He tilts his head to James in greeting.] Dave: I see you got the four-star treatment. James: (shrugging as he too is shackled and forced to sit) The door man was a dick, but the service isn't half bad. (to one of the men) You know, I expected you guys to be female and wearing bikinis. This is _very_ disappointing. Dave: (as if ordering at a fancy restaurant) Okay, I'll have the lobster. Get me a plump one. I want a _plump_ lobster. Make sure he's _bursting_ from his shell, my good man. [The guard Dave is talking to replies with a rude hand gesture.] Dave: (deeply offended, faux British accent) _Insolence!_ I _demand_ to see the proprietor of this establishment, _post haste._ Coltrane: (quickly entering the bridge) That would be me. Dave: (poor attempt at a mysterious look) Indeed... [James starts humming the Imperial March from 'Star Wars.'] Coltrane: Who are you and what do you want? Dave: Dave Handleton. A new car. James: James Rahn. Cheese. Coltrane: (flatly) Amusing. Dave: Aren't we? (to James) Hey James, how many assassins does it take to change a light bulb? James: (bored; as though reading from a well-worn script) That depends on how you want it taken out. Coltrane: ... James: Tough crowd tonight. (smiling; to Dave) Time to bring out the big guns. Coltrane: I'm going to assume you're here to stop me. Who sent you? James: Funny story, that. We're lost, you see? We were aiming to penetrate the defenses around Uranus. Dave: (sighing) And he promised he'd behave. Mr. Coltrane, he's my brother's wife's sister's third cousin. I promised I'd have him back by six, and traffic was a bitch so we skipped the zoo, but I knew I had to take him to a villain's lair, and one thing lead to another... [Coltrane's face, which has been growing steadily more purple as James and Dave tried out their material on him, is now a surly rouge promising great pain.] Coltrane: (shouting) Throw them in the brig! Kill the one after the weapon! And somebody get me a line to the U.N.! Jack: (moves around Coltrane) Wait. (comes up to James) I have to pay him back. [Dave mimes an expert poker player. Every one else seems completely confounded. Then Jack decks James without warning. The assassin, unrestrained by earthly forces, crashes into Dave.] Dave: Watch it man! There's a _beverage_ here! Coltrane: (watching Jack) What was that about? [Jack and James lock eyes. James continues to act defiant, but a single knowing glance to Jack confirms the engineer's suspicions. This is the James that Miko is waiting for. Willing his body not to break out in a cold sweat, he lets some anger into his voice.] Jack: (snarling) Germany. Coltrane: (to James) You. Who hired you? Why are you trying to... no, I know why. Dave: (cordial) Well, since the cat's out of the bag, let me explain. We are assassins and we were hired by Jonathan Masters to execute a contract. Coltrane: Masters? Dave: A front man for the English Assembly, which is a front for the Protestant Church. Rather like a mob anymore... Coltrane: (aghast) But... I'm Protestant! Dave: (shrugs) Politics aren't my business. Our orders were for Jack and you, the space station is to be destroyed. The girl--Miko Mido--can come back, but if she gets in the way... [Dave punctuates his statement by spreading his hands as much as he's able to. The meaning is clear.] Coltrane: What is it with her? Is she related to this Masters guy? Dave: (shrugs again) Jonathan Masters loves money, certainties, and these little chocolates... I had to have some every time we met... (to James) What were they called? James: (suddenly the disinterested professional) Fuck if I know. Dave: You went shopping for them! James: I'm a visual person. They come in a tan box about yea big. (outlines a box with his hands) Gold lettering and some red shit on it. Dave: (sighs) Any way, Jonathan doesn't care much for family. As far as our research has found, Miko isn't related to him. Who she's valuable to is anyone's guess. Maybe they want a crying survivor to win over the press and the masses. Coltrane: (furious) Fuck you guys! And fuck the Protestant Church! If they can't--If they-- Dave: We'll pass that sentiment on to Jonathan once we're done. [Coltrane's eyes take on a sheen like daggers in the moonlight.] Coltrane: Really? James: (shit-eating grin) We could be lying. [Though neither James nor Dave have so much as shifted in their seats, the other people in the room are filled with the sudden certainty that they have become prey.] [Coltrane glances to Jack.] Jack: (staring at James hatefully) I just want five minutes alone with him. [Coltrane gestures to the assassins.] Coltrane: Lock them up. Communications, do you have the U.N. yet? Comm. Officer: No sir, but the E.V.A. team reports they are en route to engage the third enemy target. [James and Dave are slowly moved away from the table. James leaves first.] Coltrane: (sets himself) Just kill the third one quickly. I don't... (to himself) what choice do we have? (to the communications officer) Send the order. Comm. Officer: Yes sir. [Dave is being led to the door. As Coltrane looks at him, Dave subtly makes a pistol shape with his hand and makes shooting motions at Coltrane. Dave's cold eyes promise no mercy.] [INT. SPACE STATION HOLDING CELLS.] [James and Dave come to a stop in a room that makes a phone booth look like a penthouse suite. Boxes fill much of the room, all of them strapped securely to the wall. The one open wall has the hatch and four lockers. The Branch-X agents have been stripped of their Hard Suits and weapons, revealing their black jumpsuits. In short order, the guards put the two into two of the lockers. Inside, they are bound hand and foot with heavy clasps.] Jack: (indicating James' cell) Leave that one open for a minute. [The guards have been waiting for this, and leave the door open after slamming Dave's door shut. Jack glances at James, who gives him a ghost of a nod while the guards aren't looking.] Jack: This is for the car you nearly wrecked. [Jack starts punching James, yelling with each blow he lands.] Jack: And this is for the innocents you killed! And this is for those stupid assassins! And this is for Miko! (pulls back and aims for James' face) And this is for me! [The blow hits James square in the eye, and the assassin jerks against his bonds with the impact.] Jack: (hangs his head) Can you... give me a minute alone? Guard: (savage smile) Close it when you're done, and don't kill him... I'll be outside if you need a hand. [Jack nods and waits for the door to close behind the guard.] Jack: (softly) You okay? James: (likewise) I'm fine. You hit like a girl, by the way. Jack: (frowns as he looks up, then his eyes go wide) Um... but that shiner looks like it hurts. James: I've had worse. We need to get out of these yesterday. Jack: It'll look suspicious if I let you out. Besides, who will distract Coltrane? James: I'm not worried about him yet. I'm worried about Carrie. Jack: Who? James: Don't ask. Where's Miko? Jack: I don't know but I can find in a minute or two. James: Do it. Have her break us out. You need to get with Coltrane so Dave has backup when he makes his move. Jack: What are you going to do? James: No plan survives contact with the enemy Jack, just go with the flow. Jack: Keep him talking? James: Keep him on the bridge if you can. When Dave shows up, you'll know what to do. [Jack shuts the cell door.] Jack: (loudly) Son of a bitch! [He heads for the door.] [Inside his cell, James smiles.] [INT. SPACE STATION BRIDGE.] [Jack floats into the room and spots Coltrane next to one of the technicians, watching the man's monitor. He floats up to his boss.] Coltrane: (without looking up) How are you doing? Jack: Starting to feel better. How are things out there? Coltrane: The team is en route. (squints at the screen) What is she doing? If she was just planting a bomb, she'd be done by now... Jack: Maybe she's trying to hack into it. Coltrane: The computer's not reporting anything anomalous. It will all be irrelevant in a minute anyway. (turns around and gets a good look at Jack) Are you sure you're okay? [Jack notices that Coltrane is wearing a small pistol on his belt, looking for all the world like a futuristic derringer. Having never seen one before, Jack doesn't hesitate to stare just a little bit.] Jack: (sweating) Just a little winded from hitting him, sir. Coltrane: (correcting) Max. And the weapons are a necessary precaution. Jack: Yeah, if one of them is still on the loose. Coltrane: (glances at the monitor) Do you suppose Miko would like a word or two with him? She was there with you. Jack: I ran into her and told her who's been captured. She wanted to take a piece of his hide out. [Coltrane nods absently.] Coltrane: I won't complain if she does. Jack: (uneasy) Neither will I... Max. [INT. SPACE STATION HOLDING CELLS.] [Barely a minute after Jack's departure, the hatch opens to admit Miko Mido, pulling the guard's passed-out form behind her.] Miko: (while stuffing the guard into the remaining cell) James? Dave? James: No on here but us chickens, ma'am. Dave: All present and accounted for, Miko. [Miko yanks open James' cell. The lock comes flying off of the door in several pieces.] Miko: (tearing up) ... James: (smiles) Hey babe, the cavalry's here. Miko: (unlocking James' restraints) I... I... I love you. [James pulls his legs free as Miko finishes releasing him, and is promptly power-glomped by a crying Miko. James hugs her back, whispering gently into her ear.] James: I'm here... I'm here... I won't leave you here. Dave: If you two are quite finished... James: Oh. Miko. (gently pries her partially loose) Miko, we've got to save the innocent populace and slay the evil maniac. We can kiss and cuddle later, okay? [Miko starts wiping at her eyes as she reluctantly lets go of James. The assassin takes a second to steal a kiss from her, then glides to the door.] James: I'll stir up some trouble and check on Carrie. You get the bridge and I'll join you there in a few minutes. You're buying. Dave: Sure. [James slips through the door.] Miko: (sighs) He didn't... Dave: I'm waiting. Miko: Sorry! [She yanks on the door. Rather than flying obediently open, it stays firmly shut, and Miko almost pulls her own face into it.] Miko: What the hell? Dave: What is it? [Miko looks at James' door, now noticing that the lock on his looks like a gorilla on PMS took offense to it. She stares at her hands in confusion.] Dave: What is it, Miko? Miko: I... (thinks) I just used some kind of magic spell. There's no other explanation. But how can I do that for Dave? [She looks to the cell where she locked the guard.] Miko: (panicking) He had the keys! Dave: Who? James? Miko: No, the guard! Dave: Calm down. Miko, can you get your hands on a crowbar? [Miko freezes in place for a second, then spins herself around to look at the boxes strapped down in the room with a grim look.] [EXT. SPACE WEAPONS PLATFORM.] [Carrie hovers over the access door to Coltrane's weapons platform. Resembling nothing so much as a garbage can made out of toaster ovens. The object at the center of her attention looks like two oversized coffee cans attached end-to-end, and several tools are attached to a loop of cord leading from her Hard Suit.] Carrie: (musing) I suppose I could say something about setting up the bomb here... [Done with her tampering, she attaches the pliers to the loop, removing an object the size and shape of a baseball. She attaches it to the mutant coffee can inside of the toaster oven wreck.] Carrie: There. Safety systems, control interface, and automatic shutdown all disabled... bomb attached, and now... [She unhooks herself from the platform and firmly kicks off into a reverse somersault. The platform's positioning thrusters fire in concert with her movement, and the bladed stick aiming for Carrie misses by a measure of inches. Carrie, arcing her back as far as it will go, sights up with her Dragonette, and fires. The man's face shield gives up the ghost in less than a second, exposing him to the vacuum.] [Even as the man gropes for his helmet, Carrie triggers the jets on her suit to spin out of the way of another attack.] Carrie: (mechanically) Leader in back, two flanking. Point man out. [She catches the lost weapon as she drifts away from the platform.] Carrie: (mechanically) No back up. No intention of checking the platform, so they're a combat group and they're here to kill me. [The leader slows his approach to Carrie as she halts her spin. The two flanking men break away to catch her in a pincer move. Smirking, she snaps the bladed weapon onto a clip on her Hard Coat, next to the one she took inside the station, and hits the jets, zooming towards the leader. The man stabs with his weapons, but Carrie slaps her hands around it, using her momentum to throw him into a rapid spin. She immediately kicks off of his helmet, reserving his spin and darting away at a slight angle. One of the men rushes to catch up while the other over-shoots. Both calmly veer away from a possible collision while Carrie scans the area.] Carrie: Four-man backup team is out. Two man sniper team on the assist. That was quick, so they were planning on bringing out the big guns. [The first three quickly regroup and make for Carrie at top speed, making their course a slight arc. The four new arrivals separate into two-man teams. One team begins moving around to catch Carrie from behind while the other moves out slowly to close off a fast escape from the first two teams. The last group looks very content with guarding the air lock. Carrie sets the bladed stick under her arm like a lance and changes the three-man team.] Carrie: (battle cry) C'mon, you sons of bitches! [Just before impact, Carrie pulls out the shark stick she stole inside the station and crosses the weapons before her. Aimed firmly between two of the men, the leader misses entirely while she deflects the incoming attacks. With a slight course adjustment, she heads for the air lock.] Carrie: Move. MOVE! [Naturally, both men brace for impact, doing their level best to become as immobile as tree stumps. Carrie hits the air look doors like a spike shot from a cannon. Her legs fold underneath her so fast that her breath is forced out in a whoosh. The guards split once she lands and whips out the bladed weapons in an offensive pattern. One of them is too slow, and the end of Carrie's weapon clips him in the knee. The end of the stick blossoms into a whole set of blades, ripping open the man's suit before returning to their concealed position.] Carrie: (amazed, looks at the bladed... thingy) So that's what it does. (realizes she's in agony) Ow... let me just separate my kneecaps from my shoulders. [She sees another of the two-man teams closing rapidly on her.] Carrie: No? You little fuckers. I oughta... [She absently fires another Dragonette over her shoulder, shredding the suit's arm of the guard behind her. She then salutes the approaching duo, pulls herself painfully out of her accidentally enforced crouch, and jumps away.] [INT. SPACE STATION E.V.A. AIR LOCK ROOM.] [Miko drifts into the room to find James frantically searching some lockers while two unconscious bodies float aimlessly in the air behind him.] Miko: What is it? James: I can't find another space suit! Miko: Didn't you bring one? James: We were all stripped of them before we got locked up. Jack probably knows where they are, but I don't have time to storm the bridge and find out. Miko: What? Why? [James points at the observation window. Miko floats to it and looks outside. Squinting, she can make out some white dots zooming around against the backdrop of stars and eternal night.] James: Carrie's out there. It's eight to one and they have a lot more experience than her. If I don't go out there and help her, she's going to get killed. (blinks) Where's Dave? Miko: I need a-- [James spins around and hands her a long piece of metal. Two more, clearly very large knives, are kept tightly in his other hand.] James: Crowbar. Miko... Miko I... [Miko's face pleads with him.] Miko: (thinking) Say it... James: I love you. [He gives her a quick kiss, then darts into the air lock.] Miko: (touches her lips) ... James! [Miko dives to the inner doors as they close and begins beating on the glass.] Miko: James! What are you-- [Miko's next words die in her throat as James glances at her, smiles sadly, and places his hand on a large lever that is labeled to discourage accidental use. Before another thought occurs to her, he pulls it.] [Cut to black.] T O B E C O N T I N U E D . . . [Cue Metallica's "Better Than You" booms into full volume as the credits roll.] [Ending credits:] Ranting, Sidestep, lots of other stuff: Jared Waddell, HQ Consulting: Insanity Productions Staff FFML Remarks: John Genoni, Wayward Gamer Absolutely Nothing: Andy Mucha, Lost Soul Miko Mido, the Shikima, and those with tentacles (usually) are from 'La Blue Girl.' Tokyo-3 and all things and characters present regarding Eva are from Neon Genesis: Evangelion. No copyright infringement is intended. This work is copyrighted but non-profit. Perhaps in the vein of a bizarre parody, but I'm guessing not. All other characters, unless noted, are copyright Insanity Productions. Original characters created by Insanity Productions may be used in freely in other non-profit works, without the author's prior assent (you can get it, but you don't have to). And thank you, the reader, for reading.