rant3

Rant Page #3

5/27/03--Just wanted to let everyone know I'm still alive. The creature didn't kill me and the mysterious force didn't get me. I actually didn't sleep much though(and as little as I usually sleep...not sleeping much means basically not at all). I'm just too freaked out really. And went and re-read my last rant, and the thing about the "force" does sound so weird. I mean, if it had not happened to me, I wouldn't believe it. It's made me all jumpy now too(well, more than normal). When ever my fan blows the corner of something, or cars passing by on the street make the light reflect off the wall, or shadows shift, my heart literally skips a beat. I'm like a big jumble of nerves and I hate it. I told a friend at work about it and while she didn't believe me that it happened, she did offer a reasonable alternative. She pointed out that it's highly possible that I"m finally just cracking up. She pointed out that when you really start to lose it, you start to see things that aren't there and such. That would explain this "creature" living in my house and the "force" holding me down. So it is a reasonable theory, if it didn't happen to me personally....that's what I'd say about someone else. And I can admit I know I'm kind of cracking up. What worries me more is I'm starting to have trouble concentrating. Not that I've ever been good at it, but lately I've become like way more "spacey" than I'm used to. I'm starting to forget simple things that I should remember with no trouble. I have lost what little attention span I used to have. I probably DO have some weird chemical imbalance going on in my brain. But I have a new theory to combat it. I need to re-order my Absinthe Kit. For those that don't know, Absinthe is a drank from times past that actually can drive you looney and cause blindness if you drink to much. I figure since I'm already going crazy, maybe this will cancel it out. Ok, not really of course(I'm not THAT far gone), but I do need to re-order. My last order never got here.. Well, that's about it for this update. More to come later I'm sure.

5/26/03--Happy Memorial Day everyone. Or as I like to call it...."Just another Monday that sucks for me!!" Ok, I'm gonna tell you something and I totally expect you to call me a liar or say it's my imagination or whatever. And that's fine. Your believing me has no effect on the fact that it DID HAPPEN!! About 8 or so this morning I woke up. You know how you get that feeling when someone is watching you??? That eerie feeling?? Well, I had that, that's what woke me up. I didn't fully realize it at first, I just kind of groggly opened my eyes, saw it was 8am.........and then that feeling hit me. But it wasn't the normal "in high school english class" someone is staring at me. It was the panic "walking down a dark alley" someone is staring at me. I could FEEL someone/thing staring at me. And then, and I know how this sounds, my bed 'dipped' behind my head like someone/thing had sat down. Instantly panic set in, and I went to whip my head around to see what the hell. But something was holding my head down!!!! I know it sounds like a dream or something, but I was totally awake, trust me I was way to scared to be sleep. My head literally sank into the pillows as if someone/thing was pushing it down. I honestly could not turn my head at all. This lasted about 6 seconds or so, and I was totally doing the "woman at the beginning of Jaws" type of panic breathing. And then just as quickly, it stopped. Of course there was nothing there when I did turn my head. I had to get up and walk around to calm my nerves(another reason I know it wasn't a dream). I can't explain it, nor do I understand it. I know you can have some really weird dreams, and I even remember at the time I was having a very bad dream about someone from my past at the time......but I swear this was NOT a dream. IT WASN'T!!! So now I have some creature running around my house AND some weird force/presence. Man!! Can life just get any sweeter??? Again, I totally know most of you totally don't believe what I just said, or think it was a dream or something like that...and if it had not happened to me I would agree with you. But it did happen to me, and I know it wasn't a dream...so I don't know what else to say. Maybe I shouldn't go to sleep anymore.

5/26/03--Wow, this is the start of my 3rd page of bitching. Maybe you're thinkgin I bitch too much??? Well it's my page...so fu*k off!! This is just a quick entry anyway. I could complain more about my TV, but I won't. I could complain about my horrible day, but I won't. Instead, I'll just let people know that if you never hear from me again, this is the reason. THERE'S SOMETHING LIVING IN MY HOUSE!!! Seriously!! While doing nothing on the computer, I though I saw something go across the floor out of the corner of my eye. Firgured it was just my mind or the alcohol messing with me. Then, like an hour later, I saw something scurry under my coffee table. I figured it was just a bug or something. I would like to point out right now I have no idea why I would have bugs....I'm by no means a "clean" person, but I make sure to clean up enough to no have bugs!! Anyway, I had a can of Raid laying around, so I figured in my slightly nhibriated state that I'd just spray a bunch of it under the table in hopes of choking out whatever it was. Well, when I sprayed, 'something' ran out from under the table and towards the back of my couch. I say 'something' because I'm pretty sure it wasn't a bug. If it was, it was the biggest damn bug ever seen. I have NO IDEA what the hell it was. Living in the ghetto as I do, I first though it was maybe a mouse. And I once had a squirrell in my house that I had to "dispose" of. But, and I swear this on my Pink Floyd tattoo, this didn't look like either of those!!! It was something about the way it ran. The only way I could describe it would be close to the way a lizard would run. You know, with it's legs out to it's side, as opposed to under it like a mouse or squirrell. So that totally freaked me out(I may be a huge guy, but bugs/rodents/creatures still freak me out). So, in my great intelligence, I sprayed like an entire can of Raid behind my couch in hopes that if it didn't kill the thing, at least it might convince it to move elsewhere. And then I also went to the store and got some Dcon mouse poison stuff. I would put down tons of poison and such, but the problem with that is my dog. She is a big fat pig(but I love her) and will eat/lick anything. So I have to careful of what I use and where I put it, because she will go to GREAT LENGHTS to get at stuff. I still plan to have her come inside and leave her "scent" around in hopes in might scare off "whatever". Maybe I should go wrangle up a stray cat from the alley also?? Anyway, if I'm never heard from again, it's because the creature got to me.......or the fumes from the Raid that I sprayed very heavy in the room with basically no air flow, finally overtook me and killed me. I would actually prefer that method to the creature getting me. Ok, that's about it. Life sucks...blah blah blah!

5/26/03---Wanna hear something funny?? I mean really funny?? This is just totally cracking me up. I went to look for my warranty info for my TV(my life, my blood). Wouldn't it be funny if I couldn't find the info?? Well it would be!! But(and this is totally due to my ex, damaging my psyche aside...she was VERY organized and most of the important stuff I'm able to find to this day is all because of her) I was finally able to locate the info, after a few panicked moments of frantic searching. *WHEW*!!!! I was worried for a few moments there. I mean, with no TV I'll go completely crazy(not that it's really that far of a step). Oh wait, what's this? The warranty expired last month? THE WARRANTY EXPIRED LAST MONTH!!!!??? Jesus Mary and Joseph all hanging off the cross for Christ's sake goddammit shit.....THE WARRANTY EXPIRED LAST MONTH!!! Well, isn't that just lovely!! And quite fitting for my life really. So now I have some strange creature living with me, some weird force fucking with me, AND....no TV. What's next?? Are my eyes gonna explode?? Or maybe someone can steal my car?? Or I can have a bad attack of my allergies???(oh wait, I do have that right now..never mind). I'm telling you, I've been beaten down so low that I have to look up just to see below me. Well, time to go look and see what bills aren't getting paid so I can get a tv. I should just tell the phone company to bugger off, since I don't use the damn thing anyway. But it is listed under my late Grandmother's name, and I would kinda feel crappy ruining her credit or soiling her name. On the positive side, I am laughing about all this. Granted, it's that 'psycho, crazy, just ready to snap and go off' type laughter.....but it is laughing. That's gotta count for something right?

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