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My match report, by Greggo
(and Mannsy..in bits)
Sunday 18th July
2004, 11am, I felt as if I was about to play a part in the biggest match
that the world has seen… ever (times 3). I was nervous, emotional,
fighting fit and ready to play a wonderful Gary Neville type performance
within the solid defence that forms the rock of the ever so brilliant
AFC Telford United Fans Team.
As both sets of players lined up ready for kick off
within the Theatre of Dreams (Ricoh football pitch), the atmosphere
started to build up and I could feel a strange tingling feeling within
my stomach… (I think I needed a shit). I really felt that the quality
that both teams possessed would amaze the 28 people watching from the
sidelines that were gearing themselves for an orgasmic, attacking
showpiece of pace and flair.
I saw ahead of me a solid, well formed and a battling
Shrewsbury team. They had a 12-year-old boy wonder, another Wayne
Rooney, (or Luke Rodgers) prodigy upfront, as well as a certain
Skip-With-Rob within their midfield. They even found time to pop over to
Chester Zoo to get a hairy kind of creature to put on their left wing.
Of course the regulars were there like Ant just to bring some normality
to the match.
On the Telford team was some potentially great football
players. We had Peter Crouch upfront, currently studying something-Law
at Keele University who as the Shrewsbury fans expected ‘would cause a
real threat in the air’. Peter Crouch had a gifted strike partner with
him as we had loaned a certain Christiano Ronaldo from Manchester United
upfront, or so he’d like to think. He had obviously spent a long time
ensuring that his ankle guards were perfectly placed.
As the match started there were perfectly timed tackles and placed
passes…until the 2nd minute…when reality sunk in. A cross, a
scramble, a goal. Bollocks.
Telford 0 – Shrewsbury
1
The nightmare had
started. The glum looks on our empty faces had set in. A few
light-hearted tackles were thrown towards the Shrewsbury rabble but we
soon found ourselves another goal down.
Telford 0 – Shrewsbury
2
Our defence was static
and our confidence was shot. Most teams would of rolled over and died, (infact
without regular (very regular) stops for breath I would of done), but
this isn’t any old set of players this is the AFCTU fans team!!!!! With
true lion heart spirit we began to work our way back into the game and
the breakthrough finally came when a long ball from Jason Windsor caught
the Shrewsbury defence flat footed and Mannsy raced in to delicately lob
the onrushing keeper from the edge of the area. COMMMMEEEE ONNNNN!!!!!
Telford 1 – Shrewsbury 2
Unfortunately our
reaction was to concede another goal just before half time. Woops.
Half Time: Telford 1 –
Shrewsbury 3
A sterling half time
team talk was needed to spur this team into a comeback of Doncaster –
Telford proportions…and that’s exactly what we got from our experienced
management duo of Jason Windsor and Lee McNally. Crouchey, Catling
(injured…prat), and Grovesy were withdrawn from proceedings and replaced
by Dan (taking up a creative midfield role), Mike Nadal (left midfield)
and Hydey (Right midfield). Jas moved upfront to partner Mannsy and I
could sense a second half performance of (for want of a better phrase)
good stuff!
The second half kicked off and immediately the Telford
team forced the Shrewsbury fans on to the back foot creating a number of
chances…all missed (the best of which an open goal walloped over the bar
from 2 yards out by the Ronaldo wannabe!) until a fierce drive (!?) from
Dan was fumbled by the Shrewsbury keeper and pounced upon by Mr.
Windsor. This was total football!! Nearly…maybe…well, no, not at all!
But hey, a goals a goal!!
Telford 2 – Shrewsbury
3
Yet again our reaction
to such a feat was to concede again. And again. One of which a penalty
from the hairy creature. Bloody good finish, can see why they purchased
him!
Telford 2 – Shrewsbury
5
It was at this point I
decided to impose my flair and tenacity into the game. After all we were
three goals down. The ball fell to me approximately 1532.82 cm’s from
goal. Using my expert technical ability I carefully placed the ball into
the roof of the net at a speed of 189 mph. An alternative assessment of
my goal maybe to suggest I randomly smacked it…and it went in. Either
way, we were back in it…
Telford 3 – Shrewsbury
5
The fight back was on.
Both teams went looking for another goal and fortunately enough we were
the ones that found it through Jason Windsor (his second of the game)
who calmly stroked the ball past the Shrewsbury ‘keeper and set up an
enthralling final ten minutes!
Telford 4 – Shrewsbury
5
As you could have
guessed we were only a goal behind now so we thought we’d give them
another 2 goal lead.
Telford 4 – Shrewsbury
6
As we entered the final
few minutes we continued to attack the Shrewsbury goal. Eventually the
ball went out for a corner kick. The ball was whipped in and out of
nowhere our goalkeeper Dave popped along and brilliantly headed the ball
home off the underside of the crossbar. Great stuff.
Telford 5 – Shrewsbury
6
At this point the
referee (Mr. C. Catling) decided to blow up for fulltime because he is a
bastard…or possibly because it was the end of the game. I’m still
undecided.
Final Score: Telford 5
– Shrewsbury 6
Line Up: Dave, Greggo,
Grovesy (Dan), Adam, Milky, Tricky, Lee, Catling (Nadal), Jas, Mannsy,
Bowya (Hydey)
Goalscorers: Mannsy, Greg, Jas (2), Dave
Attendance: 28
Verdict: Should have stayed in and watched the golf. |
