Annoy unto Others as They Annoy unto You
If you have the patience to keep plugging through this, it's pretty amusing:
One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from ATT and it went something like this:
Me: Hello
ATT: Hello, this is ATT...
Me: Is this ATT?
ATT: Yes, this is ATT...
Me: This is ATT?
ATT: Yes This is ATT...
Me: Is this ATT?
ATT: YES! This is ATT, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
ATT: This is ATT.
Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
Me: Hello?
ATT: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
ATT: Yes this is ATT...
Me: Is this ATT?
ATT: Yes this is ATT...
Me: This is ATT?
ATT: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
Me: Yes, is this ATT?
ATT: Yes sir.
Me: The phone company?
ATT: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was ATT.
ATT: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
ATT: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.
When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent.
ATT: Mr. Byron we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but she at no time used the word rate. I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.
Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
ATT: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
ATT: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
ATT: Yes sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
ATT: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
ATT: Yes sir, it's amazing how it ads up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I gett a cash advance?
ATT: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
ATT: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
ATT: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.
Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute. Are you sure this is ATT?
ATT: Well, yes this is ATT sir but......
Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.
ATT: No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
ATT: Sir I don't think that is necessary.
Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
ATT: What?
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
ATT: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold on.
So now ATT has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:
Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
Me: Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.
I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.
Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
Me: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and was getting really hungry. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.
ATT: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?
Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
ATT: (click)