Top Ten Ways the World Would Be Different If It Were Run By
Jerry Springer
10.  On opening day of baseball season, President throws out
     first chair.

 9.  Everybody would be very, very, very, very dumb.

 8.  New national anthem: "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"

 7.  No army, no police -- just two really huge bouncers.

 6.  I, Dave, would be known as "the guy who kind of looks like
     the President."

 5.  State of the Union address now ends with poignant
     "Springer's final thought."

 4.  Oprah deported to Mexico.

 3.  On C-SPAN, heated congressional debate on whether new
     health care bill is "all that."

 2.  Instead of registering Democrat or Republican, you'd
     register transvestite or transsexual.

 1.  Whaddaya mean, "If"?

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