FINALLY: A COMPLETE SET. By combining bits of two EMail messages
(received 10 months apart!) I am proud to present my audience
with a full eight part series. (Thanks to Carol and Rosa!) I
hope you enjoy andbenefit from this collected insight!


Comprehending Engineers-Take One
----------------------------------------------------
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer are waiting one morning
behind a particularly slow group of golfers.  They see the 
course marshall and ask why he isn't doing something to expedite 
play.  

  "They're blind fire fighters," says the marshall, 

  "They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last 
year, so we let them have free access to the course anytime 
they want." 

After a moment's reflection, the group responds: Pastor: 
"That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them 
tonight." 

Doctor: "I'm going to contact an ophthalmologist 
friend, and see if there's anything he can do for them." 

Engineer: "Why can't these guys play at night?"


Comprehending Engineers-Take Two
-----------------------------------------------------
In a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against 
one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every 
ten seconds, they walk toward each other exactly half the 
remaining distance between them.  A mathematician, a physicist, 
and an engineer are asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?" 

Mathematician: "Never." 

Physicist: "In an infinite amount of time." 

Engineer: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough 
for all practical purposes."


Comprehending Engineers -- Take Three 
---------------------------------------------------------
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing 
all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for 
over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later his 
company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem 
they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. 
They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine 
fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the 
retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in 
the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day 
studying the huge machine. At the end of the day he marked a 
small x in chalk on a particular component of the machine and 
proudly stated, "This is where your problem is". The part was 
replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.

The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for 
his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his 
charges. The engineer responded briefly:

One chalk mark ................... $1
Knowing where to put it ..... $49,999 

It was paid in full and the engineer retired in peace. 


Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
-----------------------------------------------------
Three engineers and three mathematicians are traveling by train 
to a conference. At the station, the three mathematicians each 
buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single 
ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one 
ticket?" asks a mathematician.

"Watch and see," replies an engineer. 

They all board the train. The mathematicians take their 
respective seats, but all three engineers cram into a restroom 
and close the door. Shortly after the train departs, the 
conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the 
restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just 
a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The 
conductor takes it and moves on. The mathematicians see this 
and agree it is quite a clever idea.  After the conference, 
the mathematicians decide to copy the engineers on the return 
trip and save some money. They buy a single ticket for the 
return trip, but are astonished to see that the engineers don't 
buy any ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without 
a ticket?" asks one perplexed mathematician.

"Watch and see" is the answer.

They board the train, the three mathematicians cram into one 
restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. 
Shortly after the train departs, one of the engineers leaves 
his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the 
mathematicians are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, 
"Ticket, please."


Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
-----------------------------------------------------
The Top 10 Things Engineering School didn't teach
10. There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
 9. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not 
    work.
 8. Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
 7. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you 
    use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
 6. Always try to fix the hardware with software.
 5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late 
    afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
 4. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
 3. Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
 2. If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into 
    software.
 1. Dilbert is a documentary.


Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
 ---------------------------------------------------
Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and 
   Civil Engineers?
A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build
   targets.


Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
---------------------------------------------------------
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
---------------------------------------------------------
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether 
it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The 
architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid 
foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he 
enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and 
mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

 "Both?" 

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will 
each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and 
you can go to the lab and get some work done."

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