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11/17/00 We went to Jillian's to go bowling for our HC outing but it was jam packed so we got on a wait-list and they said it would only take an hour but we got there at 6:45 and an hour later, they said we'd still have to wait an hour so we left and bowled at AMF Bunker Hill but we couldn't get 3 lanes together for 16 people so they put is in lanes 1, 2, and 10, but then lane 1's computer broke so lane 1 people moved to lane 5 and they got their game free and we all got ours for $2/person. Pretty awesome. And then we had German chocolate cake for me, Holice, Eric, and Chung's birthday, even though Chung wasn't there. And then we went to Tan Tan and for the first time, I liked what I had. It was #1 on the menu. Holice has the chi flowing through him. I don't understand it. Robert has it too. It has nothing to do with breathing. 10/10/00 A lot of things have happened since the last time I was here. I think I've been having way too much fun. Not that that's such a bad thing. I'll try to fill you in on what I've been doing.... 9/28 I dyed my hair "burgundy" but I couldn't convince myself to do it permanently because all that stuff about "stripping" my hair didn't sound too appealing, so I opted for "semi-permanent" which means the color fades out after 12-24 shampoos. It was really cool because you couldn't really see any change when I was indoors, but outside, especially in direct sunlight, it was really obvious that my hair was no longer black. I think the color has mostly faded out so now my hair is a dark brownish red, but only in sunlight. The best thing about this whole adventure was that it only cost me $5 because a lady at church needed "volunteers" to practice on. Normally, I would have shelled out $40. It was even less than it would have cost for me to do it myself. Woohoo! 9/30 I wasn't planning on doing Screw Yer Roommate this year, so me, Sean, Reuben, Johanna, and Mu-Yuan decided to go out as friends. We all dressed up azn thug-style and met in the quad at 6 pm, just like everyone else who was doing SYR for real. I don't own any thug clothes, so I borrowed a short black skirt and white hooch tank top from Hyeree (we had just gone shopping for our flapper outfits for Chris's bridal shower the next week) and she even let me borrow her nail polish so I could paint my toenails and show them off with my strappy black sandals. To top it off, I wore makeup. Yes, dark lipstick and all. Unfortunately, Mu-Yuan disappeared. That is, Sean saw him in the quad, and then he was gone, so it ended up being just the four of us. I gave everyone options for what we could do for dinner. All the restaurants I picked were ranked 20 or higher for "quality of food" and 15 or higher for "quality of service" on the online Zagat restaurant survey. Johanna decided she wanted to try Khyber North Indian Grill, so that's where we went, and it was really good and pretty free for the girls because Sean decided to pay for dinner, which I thought was really generous of him. Then we went to play pool at Slick's near 59 and something, so we rotated teams and did every combination possible and I think whichever team I was on kept losing, but I eventually won one game. Reuben paid for pool. Pretty free. =) Then we went to Palace Lanes on Holcombe, which is where every single Rice person took their SYR date it seems, cuz everyone was there. So we bowled and Reuben bowled a 102 the first game and Sean got a 60 and me and Johanna got somewhere in between, but the second game, I actually got 2 strikes in a row in the final frame and ended up with above 102, although I don't know the exact score, so it was a pretty cool feeling knowing that I had actually learned something in correspondence bowling in HS. Johanna, Reuben, and Sean were arguing over who should pay for bowling, because she had already paid for everyone's shoes against Sean and Reuben's wills, but for the actual game, the cashier rung up the cost which was about $24 and I handed him my credit card as soon as he announced the total to the surprise of the other three who were still arguing. Unfortunately, my credit card was maxed out from my shopping escapade with Hyeree earlier in the day (it was really cuz of the Song of Solomon conference, but that's another story) so Reuben ended up paying after all, to me and Johanna's dismay. But it all worked out in the end. As I said before, pretty free! =) The interesting thing about Johanna is that she is doing a domestic exchange program with Rice, and she rea 10/1 I finally made it to my first powderpuff game, after missing the previous two because they were both on Sunday morning. I think whoever does the powderpuff schedule should take into account the fact that not everyone is free to play powderpuff on Sunday morning because some people actually go to church! Imagine that! Sadly, we still lost the game. I think we're probably going to lose every single game this season, which is very sad when you consider the past three years, we made it to the playoffs and were always ranked among the top three teams. Although it would be nice to win at least one game, even if we fulfill our destiny as the worst team this season, it's still pretty fun to play. 10/2 I took my first midterm in Japa 101. I couldn't convince myself to study the night before because I was really exhausted, so I just went to sleep and woke up Monday morning, reviewed a bit, and went in and took the test. I was surprised because it was all in hiragana. I had been expecting some English, but only the directions were in English. Good thing I had already taken the time to learn hiragana or I would have totally failed. Sean let me borrow his hiragana and katakana books and those are so much more effective than learning the alphabet online. I was one of the last ones to finish the test and Sean, Reuben, and Eric all left with like, 15 minutes left in the class. However, I think that extra 15 minutes was worth it because I got a 49/50. (Eric and Sean "failed." Not really, but that's what they would have everyone believe.) 10/4 I met with Dr. Immarino, the pre-med advisor at Rice, and he said that I needed to take another upper-level bio class next semester and I have to start "acting like a pre-med," meaning, I have to start going to RPMS meetings and volunteering at hospitals and random things like that. Sigh. Do I really want to go through with this? I'm postponing the decision until I get my MCAT scores back. 10/5 I used to have Kanaya-san as my Japanese tutor, but now I have Kenmochi-san, and even though they are both equally qualified to be my tutors, I'm kind of sad because I really liked Kanaya-san and she was sooooooo nice to me and David on our first day. Sigh. Eric would love to trade sessions with me because Kenmochi-san is hot, but I can't appreciate her being hot since I'm not a guy. I wonder if David thinks she's hot? How come there aren't any male tutors? 9/24/00 Today I went to church by 8:05 am and I was the first one there. (Except for Eugene--first one on praise team, I mean.) Church was pretty fun. Me and Jennifer did "Make Us A Prayer" for the offering song, and for some reason, my leg was shaking the whole time so I had a hard time keeping the pedal sustained. Probably a combination of high heels and the fact that the pedal kept sliding further and further back so I could barely reach it by the end of the song. I think I'll put some rubber grip on that thing so it will stop sliding around on the carpet. I was about to leave church to go back to Rice when I ran into a woman who wanted to dye my hair, so I said ok. She works at Visible Changes, but she needs to practice some more before she's fully licensed, or something like that. I have an appointment for Thursday. I hope it doesn't look too outrageous. Normally, I wouldn't dye my hair, but it's only going to cost me $5 cuz I'm doing it this week, whereas she would normally charge anywhere from $40-$60, so overall I'm getting a good deal. I guess the bad part is I am damaging my hair for the permanent color, and also I have to start worrying about roots. Pretty annoying. But I guess it's all for a good cause. Yesterday, I hung out with my friend Shawn Koch who graduated from Rice last May. We had a late lunch and hung out at the Galleria. I saw Juan and Kim at Banana Republic where I was supposed to meet Shawn, but before he got there. Quite unexpected, especially since Juan works in Dallas. I guess he was visiting for the weekend. Juan and Shawn were roommates at Rice. Me and Shawn ate fajitas at Ninfa's. Pretty awesome. I love fajitas. And Shawn paid because he's nice and he has a full-time job. Yesterday, I also went to my first baby shower ever. I was an hour late because I thought my watch said 4 instead of 5 pm because I never learned how to tell time, but it was ok. The baby shower was for Steve and MeeMee. Their daughter's name is going to be Erin. I'm pretty flattered cuz they're naming her after me. (cathERINe--get it? hahaha...) It was pretty chaotic, but Doreen did a really good job of planning things. There were a lot of people there. It seems like everyone in our church is either getting married or having babies, but I guess that is to be expected if you take into account the demographics of our congregation. Mostly singles and young married couples with kids under age 5. It's kind of weird to think that the engaged people and expecting couples used to be where I am now, and that someday I will be going through what they are going through. Very weird. I don't want to go through pregnancy. Not right now anyway. (Probably a good thing...) After the baby shower, I went to Seoul Garden to eat with KSA. It was really good food. There were about 30 people there, and I had a lot of fun talking with the people around me. Afterwards, we went to this new karaoke place next to Korea Garden. I'd never been to karaoke before, but this place was pretty clean and it didn't even have much of that cigarette smoky smell. Apparently, Jennifer Yu knows all the latest Korean pop songs, so she was going crazy singing them all. I sang "I want it that way" by The Backstreet Boys, which is the only song I knew how to sing on the whole list of "American Pop" songs. I recognized some others, but I didn't know how the verses went, so I chose to hear the other people sing Korean songs most of the time, and I also tried to convince Eric Lindsay to dance with me, but he didn't really want to. Not everyone from Seoul Garden went to karaoke, so the people who did go ended up at Dolce and Freddo. The ice cream was pretty good. I love ice cream. And then I went home and went straight to bed because I had the worst headache ever. Probably a migraine. I don't know why I get migraine headaches, but cigarette smoke and straining my eyes to read the screen at the karaoke place definitely didn't help. 9/20/00 Awesome, two days in a row! I decided that I need to go to work from 1:30 to 5 instead of 10:30 to 2 so that I can be normal and eat lunch at Lovett with other people, instead of eating lunch late when no one else is around. I think this will be better for me because at this point, my schedule is so weird that I hardly even use my meal plan, even though I'm losing money every tiem I don't eat at Lovett. 9/19/00 I wish I knew what I was doing after I graduated. I think the most appealing option for me is to do some traveling, so I just have to figure out where I want to go and how I am going to fund it. And I also have to figure out if I really want to go to med school in Houston or if it would be better for me to get away for 4 years. I think my parents have too much influence over me. It's not that they don't love me or want the best for me. I guess they're just over-protective. I am 21 years old, almost 22, but I think my parents dictate a lot of how I view life and live my life. I don't think obedience is always a negative thing, even though it seems rebellion is often exalted and obedience is seen as inferior. But I think there is a time in everyone's life in which they need to become separate entities from their parents, and I am realizing that I still haven't done it. Why do I always feel like I'm "supposed" to do certain things? I don't think other people have such a strong sense of obligation towards other people or organizations. Like, I have this strong desire to do things the "right" way, and that doesn't even mean that I want to do them "my" way. It's just that there is a certain way that things ought to be done, and I feel like everybody ought to know it, even though they don't. 9/16/00 We had house church last night at my house, and 11 people came. Pretty cool. I went all out with the snacks, I guess because that's the way my mom entertains people. She always has really good food. Since I can't cook that well, I do the best with what I can, so I made tuna fish dip with cream cheese, apple, celery, and some salt and pepper. And then I also bought peaches, strawberries, raspberries, and grapes from Kroger, except I think the peaches tasted a little weird. They tasted weird when my mom bought some last week too. I'm gonna stop buying my peaches from Kroger. I think the way food is presented has a lot to do with how it tastes. So like, when I'm serving food, I always try to make it really attractive to look at. Like, I always make the crackers spread nicely in a circle around the edge of the plate, or like, with the fruit, I put the peach slices around one half of the plate with the grapes in the middle and the strawberries on the other side, and the rasperries interspersed among the rest of the fruit. Very nice. =) One thing that kinda bugs me about my family overall is the fact that no one ever seems to clean up around the house. (Well, that's not really the problem. I think the underlying problem is that no one likes to throw anything away in my family, so we keep stuff like, forever!!! Even if we don't need it anymore. But that's another story.) So when I got home Friday, I went through and cleaned out the downstairs area, like kitchen, living room, dining room, tv room. I kept track of how many trips upstairs and to my parents' room I had to make to bring their stuff that was laying around the rest of the house to them. I made about 3 to Sam's room, 5 to Joyce's room, and more than 5 to my parents' room. And then I washed the dishes and put them all away, and cleared the counters and threw away old newpapers and junk mail. My parents are out of town now, and surprisingly, the house usually looks better when they're gone. Probably because I go through and clean it up, and then my parents aren't around to make a mess, so it stays clean longer than if my parents were around. I think if parents never make cleaning up important, then the kids never make it a priority either. They're not going to realize that there's anything wrong if what they always see is a messy house. So I decided that when I'm a parent, I'm going to instill in my kids the fact that it is normal for the house to be clean, and if it is not clean, then there's something wrong. Sometimes I wonder why I'm the only kid who really cares about having a messy house versus a clean one. Like, Sam and Joyce really don't seem to notice, but when I come home and there's a big mess, it just makes me mad and then when I get mad, that's when I clean up the best. I take out all my frustration of living in a messy house by cleaning it up. When Joyce came home and saw me cleaning, all she had to say was "Good ol' Catherine!!!" I asked her what she meant, and she said that she admires me because every time she sees me, I'm doing something productive, even if it's something as little as just washing the dishes or taking out the trash. I guess that makes me feel good, but it also makes me worry about the rest of my family because this is something that everyone has to learn how to do or other people will find it hard to live with them. I just wonder how my parents made it this far without driving each other crazy. 9/14/00 Thursdays are the best days!!!! No class!!!! And tutorials haven't started yet. Pretty awesome. Today, I got to call Richard Gere and Leslie Bibb's agents so that I could confirm whether or not they kite-surf in Hawaii for a story in Forbes. The day before, I had to call Woody Harrelson's agent for the same story. It's pretty neat how you can find all the phone numbers you need on the internet, but it's also scary because it's so easily accessible. I didn't know who Leslie Bibb was until I did a search on www.google.com and found the phone number for WB, and then I found out she's one of the main actresses on "Popular". I saw one episode a long time ago and I thought it was pretty dumb. Leslie Bibb is actually 26, despite the fact that she plays a high school student. Carly Pope is the other co-star, and I think she's pretty, but her lips are like, way too pouty for me. Way way way too pouty. 9/12/00 Man, Japanese is getting hard already!!! Sigh. I guess the hardest thing for me is not knowing what the expectations or assignments are. Sure, we have a syllabus and Dr. Sato tells us stuff in class, but it's really ambiguous because most of the directions are in Japanese, and I don't understand Japanese. That's why I'm taking the class!!! So anyway, I guess I should start going to the language lab. That will help a lot, I'm sure. But even so, I thought she said that the red book was for reference only, but the way she's referred to it so far in class, it makes it seem like she actually expects us to read it ahead of time. Sigh!!! I think I need to start managing my time better. It's hard to do when you're not motivated to study any more. Is it possible that senioritis has hit already? It's only the third week of school!!! Snap out of it, Catherine!!! It's real weird when people tell you that they're struggling through something. Like, I want to help them out as much as I can, but being human, there's only so much I can do. So then the only thing I can do is pray for them. I guess it's a good thing that prayer is the only answer to so many situations, because if I could solve everyone's problems, I probably wouldn't feel a need for God at all. But I feel weird sometimes when I hear someone's problem and then my only response is, "I'll pray for you," I guess because when I'm thinking from a worldly perspective, prayer seems so weak and ineffectual. But then I think about all the times that I did pray for someone or for some situation, and the times when God came through and answered my prayers are strong reasons for me to believe that prayer really does work. So I just finished talking to one of my friends about what happens to all those people who never hear about Jesus before they die. When I have more time, I will type up my thoughts on that. But it's midnight and I have to go to sleep now. 9/7/00 Wow, it's been like, a week since my last entry. Shoot. I guess this will be a compilation of all my random thoughts from the past week. The second week of school was pretty uneventful. If I didn't have class at 9 am or work at 10:30 am, I probably would never get up. I hate it when I hurt other people, knowingly or not. In the future, I'm going to be more careful with the things I do and say, and be more sensitive to people's emotions. And I will try not to be so clueless. True friends are really hard to find. That's why when you find them, you have to cherish them. But you can't just expect to make friends instantly. You have to be willing to put in the time. Like, you can't force a friendship to form. That's probably the easiest way to kill a relationship. Instead of forcing it, you just gotta take advantage of the opportunities that come to you. It's so hard to stay disciplined in doing QT's. I thought it would get easier once I got back on campus in a regular routine, but there are a lot of distractions on campus too. I'm gonna start praying for people again while I'm driving to and from work and church. I think it really makes a difference in people's lives, and in my life too. 9/1/00 Yesterday I didn't go to class because.... I don't have class on Thursdays!!! Woohoo!!! So I just slept in and then went into work at 1 pm instead of 10:30 am like I'm planning on doing from here on out, if my schedule permits. I got up late because I stayed late at church Wednesday night talking to Bobby and Jennifer about all my "issues" and hearing about theirs too. Overall, it was a very unproductive day because I didn't really study but I did talk on the phone with my friend Michele Yu from Stanford and then Sylvia and I had a nice long talk, and after that, I had a nice long talk with my roommate Anna about all the things that are going on in our lives, and our opinions about friendships and what it's like to be in a weird mood where you don't want to sleep even though you're dead tired, or you don't want to study, even though you have a million things to do, and other things like that. I'm really glad Anna and I are roommates again this year. And I'm also happy because my lack of female friends seems to be less obvious, even though I still have mostly guy friends, which in itself is kind of strange to me, but yes, that trend is improving. So after all my long talks with 3 of my female friends, I went to sleep late again, but this morning, I still got up early enough to go to Japanese at 9. I like Japanese, but I don't get it. Maybe because I haven't been reading the book. I should start doing that. 8/31/00 Man, it's going to take a lot of discipline to keep up with this daily log. Yesterday I went to my "Getting to know your car" class and learned about the history of cars. I think Rolls Royces are cool. Like, The Silver Ghost. yeah. After class, I asked the prof if I could borrow one of the videos he showed in class so that I could watch it over Labor Day weekend. What a nerd I am. I have never sucked up to any Rice prof so badly since I've been here. I am ashamed. But hey, I really do like learning more about things that interest me. I used to watch nature shows on PBS every Sunday night before I went to sleep. Too bad I don't have time to watch tv anymore. This Rolls Royce video is going to be my "break" from studying Sunday night. Anyone can join me. Last night I went to church for the last session of Class 301. Spiritual gifts are cool, and so are different personalities and passions. Someday, I'm going to write a really good book. In the meantime, I will write some half-way decent stories for my fiction writing class. Pastor Eric asked the shepherds to pray about taking on another ministry role within NLF. It's kind of overwhelming. That's how I felt yesterday anyway. Good thing Pastor Eric asked us to pray and didn't just say we HAD to do this. I think I take everything way too seriously. People have told me many times to lighten up. I don't know why it seems like I can't. I know I shouldn't worry to the point where it keeps me from doing what I have to do. People also say that I'm too much of a perfectionist. That might be true, but why did I turn out this way? In any case, I know that it helps to write down your thoughts when you can't get them all straightened out in your head. So here is what all is flying through my head: I took the MCAT, which probably means I will be going to med school in the future. I am a HC shepherd, which theoretically should be a blessing, and it is, but it is important for me to have interns to share the ministry with, otherwise I will burn out. I think I was at the point of burnout 2 times in the past year. Pastor Eric said that the new NLF ministries will require a 2 year committment, something I'm not ready to give at this point, although I haven't really prayed about it yet. But it's kind of dumb for me to be saying this because last summer I already committed 3 years to doing HC ministry, so if I commit to this 2 year thing, it's not any longer a time period than I have already committed to serving God. It will totally overlap. And what about my own plans? Is this what it means to sacrifice? I wanted to spend next summer, or maybe even all of next year in Korea. But I feel so restricted sometimes by the committments I have made to NLF and house church. Is that how Jesus felt when he wanted to get off the cross, but went ahead and did it anyway because he knew that's where God had asked him to be? Jesus loved us that much. Do I love my HC and NLF enough to give up my own plans and ambitions? You know what I'm starting to realize? I hate change. I like routine. So I think the reason I felt so overwhelmed when Pastor Eric asked us to think about our ministry in NLF is because I just moved back on-campus, I just started classes, I am trying to make a fresh start with HC, I just took the MCAT, and I am thinking about what I will be doing for the year after Rice and before med school. Ok, so now that I have figured out why I was so on the verge of breakdown last night, I am no longer in danger of breaking down. Ok, so the other thing that has been flying through my brain is the question of med school and how it will affect my ministry in the future. I will probably still be able to take part in HC and NLF ministry during med school, but residency is another story. Then there's the question of, when I am actually a doctor, will I be able to give the same time to God that I would have given if I was not a doctor? And in some ways, I feel guilty for planning on an upper-middle class lifestyle. I know I shouldn't feel guilty at all, because that's where God has placed me in life, but is it really fair for me to be ensuring myself a comfortable life, and then thinking about ministry second? Shouldn't I be putting ministry first, and then everything else second? Or is that too much? When Christ asks us to take up our cross and follow him, does it mean literally giving up everything that this life has to offer? I guess I'm confused about where to draw the line. Pastor Eric is asking the shepherds to make a lot of sacrifices now, but is this how Christian life should be lived by everyone, or is it just the shepherds that are expected to sacrifice so much? And then comes the question of being a woman and a doctor. Was that ever meant to happen? Is it really a "waste of my talent" to not pursue a career? I'm very confused. What is this life for anyway? If it is to bring the lost to Christ, then why are we so intent on "making it"? Like, with jobs and stuff. I know people have to make a living to survive in the world we live in, but it just seems so meaningless sometimes. Why not do what God calls you to do? Is God calling me to be a doctor or is that just me telling myself that God is calling me to be a doctor? If I do well on the MCAT, does that mean I should go to med school? Or is God going to give me a good score only so that I can give it up to follow him? And why is it that chatting on AIM has lost its attraction? I feel really bad when I get online and people try to chat with me, but there are so many things to take care of. I guess I shouldn't get online in the first place, if I'm not going to be able to chat. Why do people want to get married? Is that just the way God made us? Why is it so hard for people to take God seriously and see his promises as true? Why is it so hard for me to remember them and live my life accordingly, even though I have personally experienced God working in my life? Why are we such ungrateful people? Just like the Israelites. 8/30/00 So this seems to be a new trend amongst HC members ... having a daily log. I decided to hop on the bandwagon while it was still moving and put my own daily log up. Hopefully, it will be interesting enough that people will want to return. Also, I will try to make it a semi-priority to update it regularly. We shall see if it remains a daily log, or if it turns into a weekly or monthly one instead. I guess the point of the daily log is to update it after the day has passed by. Hmm... I think I will refrain from writing every detail that happens to me and only write about the ones that I think are noteworthy. Good plan. So yesterday night, we had a surprise birthday party for Robert in my dorm room. It was pretty funny because he thought he was coming to Rice to meet up with Sean for discipleship. So he got here a little early, and me, Eric, and Reuben were hiding in the bathroom trying to light the candles, when we hear Sean say really loud "HEY ROB, CHECK OUT CAT'S BATHROOM!!!! IT'S PRETTY COOL! NO SUITEMATES!!!" and that was the signal for us to jump out and say "SURPRISE!!!" Unfortunately, we were less than halfway done with the candles, and then Rob tried the door, but Reub was holding it shut, and finally I yelled out, "I'M IN THE BATHROOM!!!" so Rob says, "Oh sorry." and Don says, "Sean, why'd you tell him to go in if Cat was in the bathroom?" so Sean says, "MY BAD!!!!" really loud again, and Don and Robert just looked at him weird. Finally, we were done lighting the candles (there were 22 of them) and I told Eric to flush the toilet and I said, "OK I'M DONE!" and Sean says, "uh, are you coming OUT???" and that's when we opened the door and brought the cake out and I think Rob was pleasantly surprised cuz he wasn't expecting anything for his birthday. We got him a gift certificate to Sunglass Hut so he can replace the sunglasses he currently uses (which he found in the UC at UH) with a sleeker pair that will better match his hair, car, and clothes. (Not that we are trying to make him more materialistic or anything.) So that was pretty fun. I was doing my laundry this whole time, and I finally got it all washed and dried, so I brought it up to my room and I decided to fold my laundry really really really neatly like eemoh taught my mom how to do, and my mom taught me how to do. So like, this is the neatest my underwear drawer and every other drawer I have has ever been. I can't believe how much space I have left. Usually I don't have enough room for my clothes to fit, but I have like, a whole drawer that's almost empty except for one sweatshirt. Pretty awesome. No I am not anal. This will probably not last all year, but I love starting the new year off with clean clothes and a clean room. So like, this is a lot of fun! I like writing down my thoughts. I keep a spiritual journal, but mostly I use that to write down my spiritual thoughts. I guess I will just write my daily mundane thoughts and happenings on this page. |