Gun Salesman: God bless you, young man.

George Kuffs to the camera: I always wanted a gun...

Gun Salesman: Is this what you had in mind? It's a 9mm Beretta. 15 in the clip, 1 in the pipe.

George Kuffs: Got one that holds more?

Gun Salesman: No.

George Kuffs: I'll take two. (Kuffs)

 

 

 

 

  • "What do you mean, I'm funny?...You mean the way I talk? What?...Funny how? I mean,

what's funny about it?...But I'm funny how? I mean, funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I

make you laugh? I'm here to f--kin' amuse you? What do you mean, funny? Funny how? How'm

I funny??...How the f--k am I funny? What the f--k is so funny about me? Tell me? Tell me

what's funny!..." ("Goodfellas", Joe Pesci)

 

 

Dante Alighieri (1265-1321)

 

 

Moralizing, I observed, then, that "all that glitters is not gold."

Mr. Ballou said I could go further than that, and lay it up among my treasures of knowledge, that nothing that glitters is gold. So I learned then, once for all, that gold in its native state is but dull, unornamental stuff, and that only lowborn metals excite the admiration of the ignorant with an ostentatious glitter. However, like the rest of the world, I still go on underrating men of gold and glorifying men of mica. Commonplace human nature cannot rise above that.

    • Roughing It (Mark Twain)

 

 

Some Quotes from Steven Wright (I liked these so much, I included a lot)

  1. "My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted."
  2. "Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."
  3. "I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out."
  4. "I bought some batteries, but they weren't included."
  5. "Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?"
  6. "I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it."
  7. "I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."
  8. "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it."
  9. "You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
  10. "What's another word for Thesaurus?"
  11. "It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature."
  12. "There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."

 

 

  • Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining. (Unknown at this time)

 

 

"Write a wise saying and your name will live forever" (Anonymous)

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