A Scouse poem - to be sung to the tune of 'Mistletoe & Wine' by Cliff Richard :

DREAMING OF A SCOUSE CHRISTMAS.... 

Chrismas time, drunkenness and crime, 
Children playing - in filth and grime, 
With cars on fire - and trainees under tree 
Time to rejoice - in be-ing scally, 

It's a time for stealing, a time for receiving, 
Knock-off gear - worra great feelin 
Why pay top dollar - yer can nick it for free, 
Just like our lecky, - gas and TV 

Christmas time, pissups all the time 
Nicking ciggies, - spirits and wine 
Wearing-shell-suits and Nykees - all knocked off gear 
It's great getting pissed - on someone else's beer 

Its a time for drinkin - six packs of Stella 
Dat yer got - from some dodgy Fella 
Chirstmas is sound - Christmas is best 
God bless our Cilla - and the DHSS 

Christmas time - time to joy-ride 
Then go and visit - family inside 
With Dad on a six stretch - and sis up the duff 
This 'City of Culcher' can get pretty rough 

So next time your driving - through Liverpool-city 
You may just know why - the streets look so shitty 
So keep a sharp eye out - for those dodgy deals 
But don't drive too slow - or they'll pinch all four wheels.