ALL (singing)
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore!

NARRATOR
No, actually, it's more like Reseda. Anyway, there was this chick...

RAPUNZEL (offended)
I am that chick.

NARRATOR
There was this chick named Rapunzel. She lived in a tower.

MOTHER
The tower of London?

NARRATOR
No, remember, we're in Re-se-da.

ALL
Oooohh.

NARRATOR
Anyway, she lived in this tower because of this old witch of a mother who said...

MOTHER
Until you learn that Dawn is better than Palmolive you'll stay in this tower!

NARRATOR
No one saw her, but occasionally someone brought her food.

SLAVE
I bring food to the lady in the tower!

NARRATOR
She lived up there in solitude. Because her mother didn't trust her with sharp objects, her hair grew very long. When she was at the tender age of 15 a guy formerly known as prince came up to the tower and said...

PRINCE
Pssst...what's my line?!

ALL
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!

PRINCE
Oh yeah.

SLAVE
My name, you learned my name! Now I will never turn straw into gold!

NARRATOR
Wrong story. That's Rumpelstiltskin, room 2. So the prince said...

PRINCE
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair.

RAPUNZEL
Take the stairs like everybody else, you fool!

NARRATOR
...she said. So she stuck her head out the window and looked to see who the obnoxious caller was.

(PRINCE fakes a smile and waves stupidly)

RAPUNZEL
Couldn't you do better than that? Who cast this?

NARRATOR
It was love at first sight. Then she let down her hair and let the prince climb up.

RAPUNZEL
Ow! Ow!

(RAPUNZEL and the PRINCE embrace)

SLAVE (carrying a water pail)
Jack? Jack! I thought you fell. Your crown, it's okay.

NARRATOR
Look, you're ruining our play. If you want Jack and Jill, it's in the parlor. If not, keep quiet.

PRINCE
Oh my darling. How are we going to get out of this tower?

(RAPUNZEL and the PRINCE start to pace)

NARRATOR
Tick, tick, tick, tick...

SLAVE
I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!

NARRATOR
That's it! (pulls SLAVE off stage)

RAPUNZEL
I've got it! The tower is only four feet off the ground. We'll climb out.

(the PRINCE climbs out first and helps RAPUNZEL with her luggage. she is carrying Palmolive in her hands. they start to leave)

MOTHER
Where are you taking my daughter?

PRINCE
Uh, away?

MOTHER
You betrayed me! You'll never wash dishes in this town again! This is a lesson you shall not soon forget!

(MOTHER pulls on the soap and squeezes the bottles. the soap, really water, is squirted in RAPUNZEL's direction, but she pulls the PRINCE in front of her and the soap hits him in the eyes instead)

PRINCE
Oh my eyes! My eyes!

RAPUNZEL
Mother, no! (cries into PRINCE's eyes)

PRINCE
I can see! I can see! It's a miracle!

NARRATOR
No, actually dishwashing soap is non-toxic.

PRINCE
Rapunzel, let us flee!

SLAVE
Flee! Flee fly! Flee fly flo flum, I smell...

(NARRATOR pulls SLAVE off stage again)

NARRATOR
And they all lived happily ever after. Except the mother because she was arrested for using dishwashing soap without a license.

MOTHER
Oh my, it is the man.

COP (dramatically)
You have the right to remain silent

SLAVE
The End.

NARRATOR
Wow, she got it right!

ALL
Yea!!!

(ALL walk off stage except SLAVE)

SLAVE (facing audience, head held high)
Okay, Mr. DeVille, I'm ready for my close-up.