Every day I wish I could go to him. But though I have this death wish, suicide is against the rules. I will not risk ending up somewhere else, or bypassing the Waiting Zone altogether. I can't describe the pain and hopelessness I wake up to every day, knowing I'll have this with me for the rest of my life and praying that isn't very long. I try to give my existence some meaning, mostly through creative means like learning to play guitar. I try to make the most of this life, whatever it is, so that when it is finally my time I will be able to tell him about my life and maybe he'll be proud of me. I feel him with me, mostly at night, and when the moon he gave me is full and shining, and when I go to the beach to talk to him. He is my deity now, he's who I silently ask for guidance and protection, he's my conscience. I hear his words in my mind as I try to stay a part of the world.
And the story goes on....