(Enclosed in round brackets in bold are our call-backs)
[Enclosed in square brackets in bold italics are actions]
Things crossed out (example) are the movie lines that are yelled over.
Call outs that are underlined are meant to be emphasised!
Back-and-forth call-backs should be made (and will therefore be marked) as two seperate groups, each ideally on either side of the cinema. These are "Group A" and "Group B".
The Transylvanians at the show can help you learn the timing, so if you're unsure of when a call-back should be said,listen to them. However, don't let this deter you. If you know a call-back, yell it out! If you don't get it quite right, have another go next time.
(A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, God said, "Let there be lips." And there were. And they were good)
Usherette: Michael Rennie was ill
The Day the Earth Stood Still
But he told us where we stand (On our feet!)
And Flash Gordon was there
In silver underwear (They were gold)
Claude Rains was the Invisible Man (Where's Claude Rains?)
Then something went wrong (Whoops!)
For Fay Wray and king Kong
They got caught in a celluloid (sexual) jam (Yay, jam!)
Then at a deadly pace
It Came from... (on where?) Outer Space (Janet's face ...thankyou!)
And this is how the message ran:
Chorus: Science fiction (ooh ooh ooh) double feature (blah blah blah)
Doctor X (sex) will build a creature (with a really big personality)
See androids fighting (and fucking, and sucking on...)
Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in (a triple-x porno called...)
Forbidden Planet
Wo oh oh oh oh oh
At the late night, double feature (Rocky Horror) picture show.
Usherette: I know Leo G. Carrol
Was over a barrel (Was screwing a camel)
When Tarantula took to the hills (Lick it Trish!) [Turn and point to the screen]
And I really got hot
When I saw Jeanette Scott (Janet's twat!)
Fight a trifid that spits poison and kills [spit]
Dana Andrews said Prunes
Gave him the runes (Gave him the shits)
And passing them used lots of skills (like sex)
But When Worlds Collide [clap]
Said George Powell to his bride
I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills (birth control pills)
Like a....
Chorus: Science fiction (ooh ooh ooh) double feature (blah blah blah)
Doctor X (sex) will build a creature (with a really big personality)
See androids fighting (and fucking, and sucking on...)
Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in (a triple-x porno called...)
Forbidden Planet
Wo oh oh oh oh oh
At the late night, double feature (Rocky Horror) picture show.
Usherette: I wanna go (Group A: Oooh, I wanna go! / Group B: Well it's too late now!)
Oh oh oh oh oh
To the late night, double feature (Rocky Horror) picture show
By RKO (who's RKO?)
Oh oh oh oh oh
To the late night, double feature (Rocky Horror) picture show
(Where's the best place to screw??) In the back row (In the FRONT row!)
Oh oh oh oh oh
To the late nightm double feature (Rocky Horror) picture show
Dentonian: Here they come!
Photographer: The parents and the grandparents. Yes, all the close family.
(That's too close!) Aaaah, hold it! And.... Click! Congratulations! (Thankyou!)
Ralph: I guess we finally did it, huh.
(Hit him! Hit him back!)
Brad: I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and Betty have
been almost inseparable since you met in Dr Scott's refresher
course.
Ralph: Well to tell you the truth, Brad, that was the only reason I
showed up in the first place.
(Gotcha while you weren't looking!)
Betty: OK you guys, this is it!
Ralph: Well, Betty's going to throw the bouquet.
(Hey Janet, have you got herpes?)
Janet: I got it! I got it!
Ralph: Hey big fella (how do you know?), looks like it could be
your turn next, eh?
Brad: Who knows.
(Ask someone who cares)
Ralph: Well, so long, see you Brad (See ya, sucker! ...think about
it arsehole! Hey, this finger smells like Janet!) See ya, Brad!
(Bang twice if you're an arsehole, Brad! ...Be just and fear not,
take acid and fear everything! ...oh, my pacemaker!)
Janet: Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful? (No!) Didn't Betty look radiantly
beautiful? (No!) I can't believe it, an hour ago she was just
plain old Betty Munroe, and now...(She's pregnant!) Now she's
Mrs. Ralph Hapschatt.
(Is Ralph well hung?)
Brad: Yes Janet, Ralph's a lucky guy. (Group A: How you you
know? / Group B: Saw him in the shower!)
Janet: Yes.
Dentonian: I always cry at weddings.
(And laugh at funerals! Mwahahaha!)
Brad: Uh, everyone knows that Betty's a wonderful little cook.
Janet: Yes.
(Denton, Denton, you've got [clap] no pretension)
Brad: Why Ralph himself, he'll be in line for a promotion in a
year or two (If he doesn't get busted first!)
Janet: Yes.
(What do horses eat, Brad?)
Brad: Hey Janet (Sit on my face and wiggle!)
Janet: Yes, Brad.
Brad: I've got something to say (Well say it, arsehole!)
Janet: Uh huh.
Brad: I really love the... (starts with an 's' - sk.. sk..
sk.. sk..) skillful way... (what a fucking genius!)
You beat the other girls... (with whips and chains!)
To the bride's bouquet. (That too. Violins, please!) [Violin action]
Janet: Oh Brad.
Brad: The river was deep but I swam it (Janet) (Slut!)
The future is ours so let's plan it (Janet) (Slut!)
So please, don't tell me to can it (Janet) (Slut!)
I've one thin to say and that's Damn it, Janet, I love (Ram it, Janet, right up you!)
you
The road was long but I ran it (Janet) (BACKWARDS!)
There's a fire in my heart and you fan it (Janet) (Slut!)
If there's one fool for you, then I am it )Janet) (Slut!)
I've one thing to say and that's damn it, Janet, I love you!
(Only arseholes write on doors!)
Here's the ring to prove that I'm no joker (I use to keep my boner)
There's three ways that love can grow (What are they, arsehole?)
That's good, bad, or mediocre (gay, straight, or bisexual)
Oh, J-A-N-E-T I love you so (I want a blow)
(How's your new vibrator, Janet?)
Janet: Oh, it's nicer than Betty Munroe had (Oh Brad) (Arsehole!)
now we're engaged and I'm so glad (Oh Brad) (Arsehole!)
That you met Mom and you know Dad (screw Mom
and you blow Dad) (Oh Brad) (Arsehole!)
I've one thing to say and that's Brad, I'm mad for you too (for a screw)
Oh Brad...
Brad: Ohhh... dammit! (Ohhh... SHIT!)
Janet: I'm mad (pregnant)
Brad: Oh, Janet (Ohhh.... SHIT!)
Janet: For you
Brad: I love you too (I want to screw you too)
Brad and Janet: There's one thing left to do - ah oo! (Achoo!) [sneeze]
Brad: And that's go see the man who began it
(Go screw the man in the casket!)
When we met in his science exam -it (Slut!)
Made me give you the eye and then panic
(cum in my pants and then panic)
Now I've one thing to say and that's dammit, Janet, I love you
(Ram it, Janet, right up you!)
Dammit, Janet...
Janet: Oh Brad, I'm mad (you fag!)
Brad: Dammit, Janet
Brad and Janet: I love you (I sniff glue)
(Slip her the tongue!)
(The man you're about to see has no neck. Turn around!
Aargh! Turn back! What would you like?)
Criminologist: I would like (a fucking neck!), ah, if I may (you may not!)
to take you (where?) on a strange journey.
(Group A: How strange was it? / Group B: It was so strange
they made a movie about it. Not a book, a movie! Don't you
read your script? / Group A: A script is a book.)
(Hey, that pervert took pictures! There's my mum!)
It seemed a fairly ordinary night
when Brad Majors (arsehole!)
and his fiancee Janet Weiss (Slut! With a statement to prove it!)
two young, ordinary, healthy kids (who masturbated frequently)
left Denton that late November evening (it's [current month]!)
to visit a Dr. Everett Scott (Hey, Scotty, beam me up! This planet sucks.)
Ex-tutor and now friend to both of them.
(Is it true you're consitpated?)
It's true there were dartk storm clouds
(Describe your balls) Heavy, black and penulous
Towards which they were driving (Is it also true you screw baby chickens?)
It's true also that the spare tyre they were carrying
was also badly in need of some air (like your neck)
but, uh, they being normal (normal??!)
kids, and on a night out (in and out, in and out)
well, they were not going to let a storm spoil the events of
their evening we're they? (Group A: I would / Group B: I wouldn't / etc..)
On a night out... (Say it again, 'a night out')
It was a nnight out (thankyou!)
they were going to remember... (for how long?)
for a very long time.
(you drip!)
([retro Batman TV series theme] Nananananananananananananananana BATMAN!)
(Hey Dick, are you a quitter?)
Nixon (on radio): I have never been a quitter (bullshit!)
To leave office before my term is completed is abhorrent to
every instinct in my body (you call that a body?). But as
President, I must put the interest of America first.
(And what does America need, DICK?) America needs a full-time President and
a full-time Congress particularly at this time with
problems we face at home.
(Hey, let's see if the slut can count)
Janet: Gosh, that's the third motorcycle that's passed us. They
sure do take their lives in their hands, what with the
weather an all.
Brad: Yes, Janet, life's pretty cheap for that type. (Yay, that type!)
Janet: Oh. ...What's the matter, Brad darling? (I just came on the windshield)
Brad: Hmmmmmm... we must have taken the wrong fork a few miles back. (fork you!)
Janet: Oh, but where did that motorcyclist come from? [theme from the Twilight Zone]
Brad: Hmmm... Well, I guess we'll just have to turn back.
(No, don't turn back! Look behind you! / Watch out! / you'll hit the cameraman! [etc])
Janet: Oh! What was that bang? (Your implant exploded)
Brad: We must have had a blow-out
(Hey there's a smurf on your seat!) DAMMIT!
I knew we should have gotten that spare tyre fixed. (Arsehole)
Well, you just stay here keep warm and I'll go for help.
Janet: But where will you go in the middle of nowhere?
(Behind a buch, what's it to you?)
(What about the castle, arsehole?)
Brad: Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles?
(That must have hurt!) Maybe they have a telephone I
could use. (Castle's don't have telephones)
Janet: I'm going with you.
Brad: Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet
Janet: I'm coming with you! (That'll be a first!) Besides, darling,
the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman (he is)
and you might never come back again. (You should be so lucky)
Brad: Heh, heh, heh, heh.
(Self-inflating tyre, kick twice to activate. TWICE, arsehole!)
(Hey, your girl friend's got chicken legs)
(Take the risk! Take the risk! Take the risk! [or any other game show chants])
(Buy and umbrella, you cheap bitch!)
(Watch out for the slut-eating tree!)
(sing!)
Janet: In the velvet darkness
Of the blackest night
Burning bright (what's up your arse?)
There's a guiding star
No matter what or who you are
Brad and Janet: There's a light... (where?)
Chorus: Over at the Frankenstein place
Brad and Janet: There's a light...
(Where do you keep your children?)
Chorus: Burning in the fire place
Brad and Janet: There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life
(All hail Riff Raff! Sing to us, of hairless one!)
Riff Raff: The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming
(Finger that window!)
Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming
Into my life (Watch out for the lightning!)
Into my life
Brad and Janet: There's a light... (where?)
Chorus: Over at the Frankenstein place
Brad and Janet: There's a light...
(Where do you keep your children?)
Chorus: Burning in the fire place
There's a light, a light
Brad and Janet: In the darkness of everybody's life
(No wonder they got lost, that bastard's stole the map!)
Criminologist: And so, it seemed that fortune has smiled on Brad and Janet (BORING!)
and that they had found the assistance that their plight required.
(Are you sure?) ...or had they? (Bwahahahaha!!!)
(Group A: Why does Janet have a condom in her
hair? / Group B: Because she's fucked in the head!)
Janet: Brad, let's go back, I'm cold and I'm frightened...
Brad: Just a moment Janet, they might have a phone
(Group A: Ding dong, arseholes calling. Would you like
to buy some arsehole cookies? / Group B: Nah, they taste like shit)
(Say hello, Riff)
Riff Raff: Hello.
(Don't be an arsehole, Brad, say hi!)
BraD: Hi! My name's Brad Majors (arsehole!) and this is my
fiancee, Janet Weiss (slut!). I wonder if you can help us.
you see, our car broke down a few miles up the
road... do you have a phone we might use?
(Look between Janet's legs)
Riff Raff: You're wet. (No shit!)
(Are you a slut, Janet?)
Janet: Yes. (Why?) It's raining.
(Are you an arasehole, Brad?)
Brad: Yes.
(Are you on drugs, Riff?)
Riff Raff: Yes.... (How about you, God?) I think perhaps
you better both (fuck off!) come inside.
(Group A: I don't care where you come as long as you
clean it up / Group B: I don't care if you clean it up, as
long as you come! / Group A: I don't care if YOU come, as
long as I come! / Group B: Selfish bastards! / Group A: But
satisfied!)
Janet: You're too kind. (Group A: Spot the domestic in this
picture / Group B: I can't, there's a slut in the way!)
Oh Brad, I'm frightened. What kind of a place is this?
Brad: Oh it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos
(No, it's George Street cinemas)
Janet: Oh.
(Hey Riff, how do you finger your sister?)
Riff Raff: This way.
(And follow the boucning thumb! And toss, and toss, and toss...)
Janet: Are you having a party?
(Mind your own business!)
Riff Raff: You've arrived on a rather special night. It's
one of the Master's affairs. (Which one?)
Janet: Oh. Lucky him.
Magenta: You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky!
(You're at Rocky, he's at Rocky, I'm at Rocky, we're all at Rocky!)
Ha ha ha!
(Group A: Magenta left a snail trail! /
Group B: That's how she cleans the banisters!)
(Hey Riff, show us you mother!)
(Describe your sex life)
Riff Raff: It's astounding
Time is fleeting (What's your favourite pop group?)
Madness (Woo!) takes it's toll
But listen closely (for how long?)
Magenta: Not for very much longer
(How many balls've you got, Riff?)
Riff Raff: I've got to keep control
I remember doing the time-warp (1, 2, 3, 4)
Drinking those moments when
The blackness would hit me
Riff Raff and Magenta: And the void would be calling....
Transylvanians: Let's do the time-warp again
Let's do the time-warp again
(How's it done?)
Criminologist: It's just a jump to the left.
All: And then a step to the right
Criminologist: With your hands on your hips (tits, or somebody else's)
All: You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
(group sex, group sex, group sex)
That really drives you insane
Let's do the time-warp again ([ARMS])
Let's do the time-warp again ([ARMS])
Magenta: It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me
So you can't see me (Do you douche?) no, not at all
(Where do you fuck?) In another dimension
(how do you fuck?) With vouyeristic intention
(Where are your tits?) Well secluded
(Do you see this? [extend middle finger]) I see all. (Oh, shit)
Riff Raff: With a bit of a mind flip (fuck)
Magenta: You're into the time slip (Work that bird!)
Riff Raff: And nothing can ever be the same
Magenta: You're spaced out on sensation
Riff Raff: Like you're under sedation
All: Let's do the time-warp again ([ARMS])
Let's do the time-warp again ([ARMS])
Columbia: Well I was walking down the street just-a having a think
When this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink
He shook-a me up, he took me by suprise
He had a pick-up truck and the devil's eyes
He stared at me and I felt a change
Time meant nothing, never would again
All: Let's do the time-warp again ([HIPS])
Let's do the time-warp again ([HIPS])
Criminologist: It's just a jump to the left
All: And then a step to the right
Criminologist: With your hands on your hips (tits, or somebody else's)
All: You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
(group sex, group sex, group sex)
That really drives you insane
Let's do the time-warp again ([ARMS, 2, 3])
Let's do the time-warp again ([ARMS, 2, 3])
(Everybody clap!)
(2, 4, 6, 8, show us how you masturbate!
3, 5, 7, 9, we know you do it all the time!)
All: Let's do the time-warp again ([OVER])
Let's do the time-warp again ([OVER])
Criminologist: It's just a jump to the left
(Get the fuck of the desk!)
All: And then a step to the right
Criminologist: With your hands on your hips (tits, or somebody else's)
All: You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
(group sex, group sex, group sex)
That really drives you insane
Let's do the time-warp again ([LEGS, 2, 3])
Let's do the time-warp again ([LEGS, 2, 3])
[Cast usher audience off the stage area]
Janet: Brad, say something.
(Hey Brad, say something stupid)
Brad: Say, (that wasn't stupid) do any of you guys
know how to Madison? (that was)
Janet: Brad, please, let's get out of here.
[stamp feet with beat]
Brad: For God's sake keep a grip on yourself, Janet.
Janet: But it... it seems so unhealthy here.
Brad: It's just a party, Janet.
Janet: Well, I want to go.
Brad: Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone.
Janet: Well then ask a butler or someone.
Brad: Just a moment, Janet, we don't want to interfere with their celebration.
Janet: This isn't the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad.
Brad: They're probably foreigners with ways different
from our own. They may do some more...
folk dancing (fuck dancing).
Janet: Look, I'm cold, I'm wet and I'm just plain scared!
Brad: I'm here. There's nothing to worry about.
(Behind you!!!)
Frank: How do you do, I
See you've met (screwed) my
Faithful handyman (hand-job man)
He's just a little brought down
Because when you knocked (he came)
He thought you were the candyman (condom man)
Don't get strung out (like a tampon)
By the way I look (like shit!)
Don't judge a book by it's cover (poof by his lover)
I'm not much of a man (no shit!) by the light of day
But by night I'm one hell of a lover (I dress just like your mother)
I'm just a sweet transvestite
From Transsexual Transylvania
Let me show you around
Maybe play you a sound (play with your mound)
You look like you're both pretty groovy (you've both seen this movie)
Or if you want something visual (like a movie)
That's not too abysmal (like this movie!)
We could take in and old Steve Reeves movie.
Brad: I'm glad we caught you at home
Could we use your phone (suck your bone?)
We're both in a bit of a hurry.
Janet: Right. (Wrong!)
Brad: We'll just say where we are
Then go back to the car (screw in the car)
We don't want to be any worry (We all want to screw Tim Curry)
Frank: Well you got caught with a flat, well, how 'bout that (still shit!)
Well babies, don't you panic
By the light of the night it'll all seem alright (Seymour who?)
I'll get you a Satanic mechanic (S & M!)
I'm just a sweet transvestite
(boom titty, boom titty, boom-boom-boom)
From Tanssexual Transylvania.
Why don't you stay for the night?
Riff Raff: Night.
Frank: Or maybe a bite?
Columbia: Bite. (not lick, bitch!)
Frank: I could show you my favourite obsession (sex!)
I've been making a man (you call that a man?)
With blonde hair and a tan (you call that a tan?)
And he's good for relieving my... (premenstral) tension.
I'm just a sweet transvestite (check it out, Columbia)
From Transsexual Transylvania
Hit it! Hit it! (Hit me, spank me!)
I'm just a sweet transvestite
All: Sweet transvestite
Frank: From Transsexual
All: Transylvania
Frank: So! Come up to the lab
And see (screw) what's on the slab
I see you shiver with antici... (consta-, consta-, consta-)
Pation (Ewww!)
But maybe the rain
Is not really to blame
So I'll remove the cause (your clothes)
But not the symptom!
(Janet's on the rag! The rag's on Janet!)
Janet: Thankyou.
(Hey Brad, what do you say when Janet screws you?)
Brad: Thankyou very much.
(What do you say when Brad screws you?)
Janet: Oh! Brad!
Brad: It's alright Janet, wer'll play along for now and pull
out the aces when the time's right. (Time's right! You call that an ace?)
Columbia: Oh slowly, slowly! It's too nice a job to rush! (Yay, rush!)
Brad: Hi, my name's Brad Majors (arsehole), and this is my
fianc�e, Janet Weiss (slut!).
(Hey Brad, you went to university. How do you spell urinate?)
Ah, you are...?
Columbia: You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory.
Some people would give their right arm for the privilege.
(Or their left tit)
Brad: People like you, maybe.
Columbia: Ha! I've seen it! (Yet she still has her right arm... and most
of her left tit)
Magenta: Come along, the master doesn't like to be kept waiting.
(What do you do with an uncomfortable cock?) Shift it!
(Drop the bottle, close the door, NO SMILING!)
[elevator music]
Janet: Is he, Frank I mean, is he your husband?
Riff Raff: The master is not yet married, nor do I think
he ever will be (he'll ever screw me).
We are simply his (sex slaves) servants (same thing).
Janet: Oh.
(Look, it's Stevie Wonder's room! Don't worry, he doesn't
see the joke either)
(Third floor, body building and lubricants, Kermit the Frog in Drag.
Everybody out! Invisible man first. Sluts second... yes, that means you, Janet.
Arseholes bringing up the rear!)
(We are the world [clap], we are the extras [clap])
(And all this can be yours if the Weiss is tight!)
(Hey Frank, what colour is your cock?)
Frank: Magenta, (where do you buy your drugs?) Columbia,
go assist Riff Raff (Woof Woof! ...he can
assist himself!)
I will entertain, uh huh (the camera man)...
(Oh no, it's Rocky in 3D! Aaarrrgh!)
Brad: Brad Majors (arsehole!). This is my fiancee, Janet "Vice"
(tight as a vice and twice as nice! A little bit wetter'd be
a whole lot better)
Janet: Weiss.
Brad: Weiss? Um.
Frank: Enchante. (What does that mean?) Well! How nice (No, it doesn't!)
And what charming underclothes you both have. (Thanks, we got
them at Target). But here. Put these on. (They're full-body condoms)
They'll make you feel less... (naked) vulnerable (same thing).
It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer them
...hospitality (horse brutality).
Brad: Hospitality?! All we wanted was to use your telephone, Goddamnit,
a reasonable request which you've chosen to ignore!
Janet: Brad, don't be ungrateful!
Brad: Ungrateful! (SUPER BRAD!!!)
Frank: How forceful you are, Brad. Such a perfect specimen of manhood.
So... dominant. (Check it out, cover it up). You must be awfully
proud of him, Janet.
(Are you a slut, Janet?)
Janet: Well, yes I am.
Frank: Do you have any tattoos (testicles), Brad?
Brad: Certainly not!
Frank: Oh well. How about you?
(She's got his... in a jar under the kitchen sink)
Janet: Oh... [giggles]
Riff Raff: Everything is in readiness, master (bator).
We merely await your... word (sperm).
(Hey Frank, when's the orgy, and who's invited?)
Frank: Tonight! (Woooo!) My unconventional conventionalists
(That's you guys! [point to audience members])
We are to witness a breakthrough in bio-chemical (bisexual)
research! And paradise is to be mine (his!)
(Group A: Hey, that's a well-hung speaker / Group B: Like you were looking at the speaker!)
It was strange the way it happened... suddenly you get a break (Snap my gloves and scare myself!)
Whole pieces seem to fit into place (sit on my face!)
Not a sign of being... (what?) What a fool! (Oh.) The answer was
there all the time (It was written on the microphone), it took a small
accident to make it happen... (what did your mother call you?) AN ACCIDENT!
Columbia and Magenta: And that's how I discovered the secret!
Frank: And that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient
(Who gives the best blow jobs on the Enterprise?) that SPARK that is
the breath of life... (Are you going to fuck everyone in the audience tonight, Frank?) Yes,
(Do you know where the clitoris is?) I have that knowledge... (What do
you hold between your thighs?) I hold the secret... (to life?) To life...
(Itself?) itself!
[trannies clap, cheer, blow party whistles, etc]
Frank: (F) You see (K), you are fortunate for tonight
is the night that my beautiful creature is destined to be born (To
get laid!)
(Magenta steps up to bat!)
(Hey Frank, say something stupid that no one ca understand)
Frank: Hoopla! (Look, it's the world's biggest tampon! ...or Paris Hilton,
'cause either way they're both stuck-up cunts.) Throw open the switches
on the sonic oscillator! (Not the sonic oscillator!!!) and step up the
reactor power imput three more points (Three more TRIANGLES!)
(This is the story about the little Riff Raff who could: I think I can,
I think I can, I hate my job, I HATE my job...)
Janet: Oh, Brad!
Brad: It's alright, Janet.
(Riff's working so hard there's steam cdoming out of his arse!)
(Not the red one! Don't use the red one! Don't use the red one!
The red one makes the monster STRAIGHT!)
(Group A: Only 8 seconds old and already reaching for his first screw /
Group B: It's a bolt! / Group A: Riveting stuff, this / Group B: How nutty!)
(Take it off! Take it off! Take it off! PUT IT BACK ON!!!)
Frank: Oh! Rocky!
Rocky: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head
And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cuttin' the thread
Frank: You IDIOT!
Rocky: Oh, woe is me, my life is a misery
Oh, can't you see that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer
(I've got a hard-on for Alexander Downer)
I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed
All: That ain't no crime
Rocky: And left from my dreaming as a feeling of unnamable dread
All: That aint no crime
Rocky: My high is low I'm dressed up with no place to go (no one to blow)
And all I know it I'm at the start of a pretty big downer (a pretty
big boner)
Frank: Oh, Rocky!
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime
Rocky: Oh no no no
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime
Rocky: Oh no no no
All: Sha-la-la-la that aint no crime
Rocky: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head
Frank: Oh really!
All: That ain't no crime
Rocky: And I've got a feeling someone's gonna be cuttin the thread
All: Sha-la-la-la that aint no crime
Rocky: Oh, woe is me my life is a misery
(there's a fag chasing after me) And can't you see that I'm at
the start of a pretty big downer (boner)
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime
Rocky: Oh no no no
All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime
Rocky: Oh no no no
All: Sha-la-la-la that aint no crime
Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime
Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime
Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime
Sha-la-la
Frank: Well really. That's no way to behave on your first day out
Rocky: Ugh ugh
Frank: But since you're such an exceptional beauty ([cough]bullshit![cough])
I am prepared to forgive you.
(Hey Rocky, show us how you masturbate siamese twins!)
(If you're horny and you know it, rub your bars)
Rocky: Ugh ugh
Frank: Oh I just love success (suck who?)
Riff Raff: He's a credit to your genius, master
Frank: Yes
Magenta: A triumph of your will
Frank: Yes!
Columbia: He's OK
(Oh shit. Get your tits of MY tank!)
Frank: OK? (Kill the smurf! Kill the smurf!) OK??!
(What do you think of Morris Iemma?) Well, I think we can do
better than that. (Sure, ask the virgins) Humph! Well, Brad and Janet (sniff),
what do you think of him? (lie, bitch!)
Janet: Well, I don't like men with too many muscles (just one big one)
Frank: I didn't make him for YOU! (she get's him anyway) He carries
the Charles Atlas seal of approval!
(Describe Rove McManus)
Frank: A weakling (Uh-huh) weighing ninety-eight pounds
(Hey, that's two Rove McManuses!)
Will get sand in his face
When kicked to the ground (In the groin)
(Don't laugh Rocky, that hurts)
And soon in the gym, with a determined grin (dick on his chin)
(What will you lick?)
The sweat from his pores (balls)
As he works for his cause (licks and he gnaws)
Will make him glisten (what's your favourite toothpaste?) and gleam
And with massage, and just a little bit of steam (vaseline)
(Go for gold! Go for gold! Group A: Missed it! Missed it!
Now you gotta kiss it! / Group B: That's why he misssed it)
He'll be pink and quite clean
He'll be a storng man (what does cum taste like?)
Oh, honey! (no it doesn't...)
Frank and Transylvanians: But the wrong man
(Hey Frank, show us your dildo!)
Frank: He'll eat nutritious (cum) high protien (cum)
And swallow raw eggs
Try to build up his shoulders, his chest arms and... legs (penis)
such an effort! If he only knew of my plan
In just seven days (and eight nights)
Frank and Transylvanians: I can make you a man
(fag, just like your dad)
Frank: He'll do press ups
(Group A: Hey, Rocky found a hole in the floor /
Group B: Rocky MADE that hole in the floor)
and chin-ups, do the snatch, clean and jerk (off!)
He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work
(Show us how you use that dildo!)
Such strenuous living I just don't understand
When in just seven days (and eight nights)
I can make you a man (fag, just like our Brad)
(Hey Frank, say Ooh aah backwards!)
Columbia: Eddie!
(Dinner's ready!)
(Sunglasses, helmet, orgasm, shit song)
Eddie: Whatever happened to Saturday night (Sunday morning?)
When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright?
It don't feel the same since cosmic light
Came into my life, I thought I was divine
I used to go for a ride with a chick who's go
And listen to the music on the radio
A saxophone was blowin' in a rock'n' roll show
You climbed in the back seat, you really had a good time
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock'n'roll
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock'n'roll
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock'n'roll
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock'n'roll
(Lovely party!)
(Get stuffed, you arsehole)
My head used to swim from the perfume I smelled
My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt
I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when I'd melt
And she'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine
Bet back in front, put some hair gel on
Buddy Holly was singing his very last song
With your arms around your girl you'd try to sing along
It felt pretty good. Woo! You really had a good time!
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock'n'roll
(John Belushi's dead in a hole because of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll)
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock'n'roll
(Jimi Hendrix is dead in a hole because of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll)
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock'n'roll
(Michael Hutchense is dead in a hole because of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll)
Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock'n'roll
(Kurt Cobain's dead in a hole because of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll)
(Pick, picky, picky. That's no way to pick your friends)
(What was that, Frank?)
Frank: One from the vaults. (A greaser form the freezer, a bat out of hell!
...Group A: What do you do with bloody rubbers? / Group B Give 'em
to Magenta, she knows what to do with them - turn 'em inside out and
use them next week!) Oh, baby! (ponce, ponce, ponce, ponce, ponce)
Don't be upset... (why not?) it was a mercy killing... (which means?)
He had a certain naive charm, but no muscle (Show him). Oh!
Frank: But a deltoid and a bicep (what's for dinner?)
A hot groin and a tricep
Makes me, oooh (get down with the midget) shake
Makes me wanna take Charles Atlas by the... ha-hand (balls)
Frank and Transylvanians: In just seven days (and eight nights)
I can make you a man (fag, just like our Brad)
Frank: I don't want no dissension, just dynamic tension
(sing it, bitch!)
Janet: I'm a muscle fan
Frank: In just seven days (and eight nights)
I can make you a man (fag, just like our Brad)
Dig it if you can!
In just seven days (and eight nights)
I can make you a man (fag, just like our Brad)
Transylvanians: Rocky, Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Rocky, Rocky, rah-rah-rah!
Rocky, Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Rocky, Rocky, rah-rah-rah!
(Assume the position!)
(Sha-WING!)
(LIFE IS AN ILLUSION!!!)
Criminologist: There are those who say that life is an illusion (like your neck!)
and that reality is really a figment of the imagination (like yoiur neck!)
If this is so, then Brad and Janet are quite safe (UNlike your neck!)
However (however....), the departure of their host (necks)
and his... (neck) creation (of a neck) into the seclusion of his
sombre bridal suite had left them feeling both apprehensive (of their necks)
and uneasy (about their necks), a feeling which grew (UNLIKE YOUR NECK!)
as the other guests departed and they were shown to their seperate rooms (where they got NEKKID!)
(pink is for girls!)
(Look out! Watch out for the basin, Janet! Behind you! There's a basin there! ...Stupid bitch!)
(He knows when you are sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
And when you masturbate)
(Same set, different lighting, cheap movie!)
(He knows if you sit down or stand
So sit down for goodness' sake
SIT DOWN!)
Janet: Who is it? Who's there?
(It's the plumber, I've come to fix the basin... I've come to plug your hole)
Frank (Brad): It's only me, Janet.
Janet: Oh, Brad darling, come in (and out, and in and out...)
Oh! Brad, oh... Yes my darling, but... what if...
Frank (Brad): It's alright Janet, everything's going to be alright
(it's alright, Janet, I've got protection! I'm wearing my glasses)
Janet: Oh, I hope so my darling. Oh... Ah... ahhhh OOH! Oh, it's YOU!
Frank: I'm afraid so, Janet, but isn't it nice?
Janet: Oh you beast, you monster! Oh what have you done with Brad?
(Nothing yet... saving the best till last)
Frank: Oh, well, nothing. Why, do you think I should?
Janet: you tricked me... I wouldn't have... I've never... never...
(Group A: What about the football team, Janet? / Group B: That
was just practice.)
Frank: Yes, yes, I know. But it isn't all bad, is it?(It isn't all Brad either)
I think you really found it quite pleasurable.
Janet: Oh stop! I mean, help... (lower! lower!) Brad, Brad... Oh BRAD!
(Brad's not down there, he's never been down there)
Frank: Shh! Brad's probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see you.... like THIS?
Janet: Like this, like how! Oh it's your fault, you're to blame (Sue's to blane!)
I was saving myself... (Well, let Frank make a deposit. He's certainly
showing
a lot of interest... Group A: Which Frank? / Group B: Australia's
leading Frank!)
Frank: Wrell, I'm sure you're not spent yet...
Janet: Promise you won't tell Brad?
Frank: Cross my heart and hope to die (stick a dildo in my eye)
(This little lady's been on her hands and knees for eight hours... and she ain't been scrubbing floors)
(I have an idea: you screw the mop and I'll screw the monster)
(I know he's my brother, but God, he's got a cute arse!)
(Group A: Servants always enter from the rear / Group B: That's why they're called butlers)
(Rocky takes it up thge arse, do-dah do-dah! Riff Raff takes it twice as fast Oh a do-dah day)
(He's got the whole world in his hands, he's got the whole world in his hands...)
(Oh my God! It's Liberace!)
(Hey Rocky, it's dark down there... have a light!)
(Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me!)
(Elbow sex, elbow sex! Incest is the best, put your sister to the test! Just because she is
your sister, does not mean you cannot fist her!)
(Magenta's so tight, she squeaks!)
Frank (Janet): Oh Brad darling, it's no good here. It'll destroy us!
Brad: Don't worry Janet, we'll be away from here in the morning
Frank (Janet): Oh Brad, you're so strong and protective
(Oh Janet, you're so hairy and muscular)
Brad: YOU!
Frank: I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't it nice...
Brad: Why, you! What have you done with Janet? (screwed her silly!)
Frank: Nothing. Why? Do you think I should?
Brad: You tricked me, I wouldn't have... I've never, never... never...
(What about the boy scouts, Brad?)
Frank: Oh yes, yes, I know... but it isn't all bad is it? Not even half bad
I think you really quite enjoyed it. Oh, so soft...
Brad: Stop it... stop it... (lower! lower!) oh Janet... JANET!
(Janet's not down there. She's never been down there)
Frank: Shhh! Janet's probably asleep by now. Do you want her to see you... like THIS?
Brad: Like this, like how! It's your fault, you're to blame (Sue's to blane!)
I thought it was the real thing! (No, it's a latex immitation!)
Frank: Oh come on, Brad, admit it. You liked it, didn't you? There's no crime in
giving yourself over to pleasure, Brad. (There used to be in Tasmania) Oh, Brad,
you've wasted so much time already... Janet needn't know, I won't tell.
Brad: Well, promise you won't tell...
Frank: On my mother's graoooouuuuu..... (Don't talk with your mouth full!)
Riff Raff: Master (bator), Rocky had broken his chains and vanished (poof!)
The new playmate is loose and somewhere in the castle grounds. Magenta has just released
... the dogs.
Frank: Mmmmm? Coming! (So's Brad!)
Janet: What's happening here? (click!) Where's Brad? (click!) Where's
anybody? (click!) Oh, Brad! (Oh, Janet) Brad my darling, (Oh Janet, my fish!)
how could I have done this to you? (You didn't. You did it to Frank, but it would've
been a whole lot easier if you'd taken your pantyhose off first)
(The lift stopped with a jerk, and the jerk got off!)
Janet: Oh it only we hadn't made this journey! (this movie)
If only the car (plot) hadn't broken down! Oh if only we were
amongst friends (you are), or sane persons (well, two out of three aint bad)
Oh Brad, what have they done with him? (What haven't they done with him? ...Yes, Janet,
your arsehole smokes. And if your arsehole smokes, you need more lubricant)
Oh Brad, oh Brad - how could you? (She's only crying because she can't jump that
high. Fifty ways to love your lever!)
(Leave him alone, he's monsterbating!)
(Group A: See, sex is dirty! / Group B: Only if you do it right!)
Janet: Oh, but you're hurt... did they do this to you? (No, I did it to myself. That's
what monsterbation is!) Here, I'll dress your wounds... (Want more bandages!
Want more bandages!)
(Group A: He's got more hurt than she's got skirt / Group B: He's got more scratch than she's got snatch)
(Guess what he's thinking. Guess what she's thinking. Guess that THEY'RE thinking. Smile if you ewant to screw, Janet!)
(BORING!)
Criminologist: Emotion, agitation of mind, vehement or excited mental state.
(And you can only read about it, shit-lips!) It is also a powerful
and irrational master (mouthwash). And from what Magenta and
Columbia eagerly viewed on their television moniter, there seemed little doubt that
Janet was indeed it's slave (a whore)
Magenta and Columbia: Tell us about it, Janet!
Janet: I was feeling done in (by Fank), couldn't win. I'd only ever kissed before
Columbia: You mean she's... (Catholic?)
Magenta: Uh huh
Janet: I thought there's no use getting
Into heavy petting
It only leads to trouble
And seat wetting (sticky fingers)
Now all I want to know is how to go (blow)
I've tasted blood (cum) and I want more.
Magenta and Columbia: More (sex), more (sex), more (sex)
Janet: I'll put up no resistance (as if!)
I want to stay the distance
I've got an itch to scratch (itchy snatch)
I need assistance
Touch toucha toucha touch me
I want to be dirty
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me
Creature of the night!
(Whoops, missed! Holy mackerel, smells like fish and tastes like chicken)
Janet: Then if anything grows, while you pose
I'll oil you up and rub you down
Magenta and Columbia: Down (up), down (up), down (up)
Janet: And that's just one small fraction
Of the main attraction
You need a friendly hand
And I need action (my tits need traction)
Toucha toucha toucha touch me
I want to be dirty
Thrill, me chill me, fulfill me
Creature of the night!
Columbia: Toucha toucha toucha touch me!
Magenta: I want to be dirty
Columbia: Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me (Eat me, beat me, mistreat me)
Magenta: Creature of the night!
Janet: Oh, toucha toucha toucha touch me
I want to be dirty
Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me
Creature of the night!
Rocky: Creature of the night (next!)
Brad: Creature of the night? (next!)
Frank: Creature of the night (next!)
Magenta: Creature of the night (next!)
Riff Raff: Creature of the night (next!)
Columbia: Creature of the night ([scream])
Rocky: Creature of the night! (Hey, no double-dipping!)
Janet: Creature of the night!
(Harder! Harder!)
Riff Raff: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Mercy! (I didn't know Riff Raff spoke French!)
Frank: How did it happen? (I don't know, but he's got a hunch about it) I understood
you were to be watching!
Riff Raff: I was only away for a minute... (doing what?) master (-bating)
Frank: Well, see if you can find him on the monitor. (Hey Frank, how's your
backhand? .....needs work.)
Riff Raff: Master (-bator), master (-bator)... we have a visitor
(Look, it's Mary Poppins taking a shit!)
Brad: Hey, Scotty! ...Dr Everett Scott.
Riff Raff: You know this Earthling ... person?
(Group A: Watch it O'Brian / Group B: Screw you, Curry, I wrote it!)
Brad: I most certainly do! He happens to be an old friend of mine.
Frank: I see. So this wasn't simply a chance meeting. (No, it was a date)
You came here with a purpose.
Brad: I told you, my car broke down. I was telling the truth.
Frank: I know what you told me. But this Dr Everett Scott... his name is not unknown
to me (It was written on the bathroom wall)
Brad: He was a science teacher at Denton High School.
Frank: And now he works for your government, Doesn't he, Brad? He's attached to the
bureau of investigation of that which you call UFOs (you arsehole!)
Isn't that right, Brad?
Brad: He might be. I don't know!
Riff Raff: The intruder is entering the building, master (intruders usually do!)
Frank: He'll probably be in.... the Zen Room (Oh shit, I left my stash in there!)
(Pick it up, inspect it, smoke it, inject it)
Frank: Shall we inquire of him in person? (Oh no, not the triple contact faggot magnet!)
(I hate tourist season!)
Brad: Great scott!
(Incoming! [tune from Ride of the Valkyries])
Dr. Scott: Frank N Furter, we meet at last. (No, we meet at last)
Brad: Dr. Scott! (Put your dick in my hand!)
Dr Scott: Brad! What are you doing here?
Frank: Don't play games, Dr Scott. (Tennis, anyone?) You know perfectly well
what Brad Majors is doing here (getting good head) It was part of your plan
was it not? That he and his female should check the layout for you (well they certainly
got laid out!) Well, unfortunately for you all, the plans are to be changed (But
I had them written in pen!) I hope you're adaptable, Dr Scott; I know Brad is
(Brad's a double-adapter, and Janet - she's a whole power board!)
Dr. Scott: I can assure you that Brad's presence here is a complete suprise to me (BOO!)
I came here to find Eddie (Shhh!)
Brad: Eddie? (Shhh!) I've seen him!
Frank: Eddie! (Shhh!) What do you know of Eddie, Dr Scott?
(Well, he's fat and he's dead and he's bad in bed. A lot like Elvis, really)
Dr Scott: I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things. You see, Eddie (Shhh!)
happens to be my nephew.
Brad: Dr Scott
Janet: Ah! (You blew it, bitch!)
(Roll call, sound off!)
Dr Scott: Janet!
Janet: Dr Scott!
Brad: Janet!
Janet: Brad!
Frank: Rocky!
(BULLWINKLE!)
Dr Scott: Janet!
Janet: Dr Scott!
Brad: Janet!
Janet: Brad!
Frank: Rocky!
(BULLWINKLE!)
Dr Scott: Janet!
Janet: Dr Scott!
Brad: Janet!
Janet: Brad!
Frank: Rocky!
(BULLWINKLE!)
(Everyone present and accounted for. Except for Bullwinkle... he never shows up)
Frank: Listen... I made you. And I can break you just as easily.
Magenta: Master! Dinner is prepared!
(Hey Frank, what do you think of oral sex?)
Frank: Excellent. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional!
(Toga! Toga! Toga!)
(Stop teasing that jar and stick your finger in it!)
Criminologist: Food has always played a vital part in life's rituals. The breaking
of the bread, the last meal of the condemned man (the last meal IS the condemned man)
and now, this meal. However informal it might appear, you can be sure the there was
to be very little... bon ami (Bone a-who?)
(Hey Riff, can we have steam for dinner?)
(Meatloaf, get your arse off the table!)
(Here, you killed him, you carve him)
(Transvestites start your engines! It slices, it dices, it even circumcises!
It's the Black and Decker Pecker Wrecker! Wreck your pecker with a Black and Decker!)
(Here, drink this before it clots. Uh, on second thoughts, clots are good)
(Group A: Hey Riff, what kind of wine is this? / Group B: Table wine)
(What's he covering up? Not much!)
Frank: A toast [hold up toast] to absent friends (to cannibalism!)
All: To absent friends.
Frank: And Rocky. (Here's a song even the virgins will know. It requires a pointy hat!)
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Rocky... (Bored now.
Let's eat) Shall we?
(Don't you love how Riff slings his meat... not that he's got much to sling.)
(Hey Rocky, show us how you eat out pussy!)
(Rocky, fork you!)
Dr Scott: We came here to discuss Eddie (Shhh!)
Columbia: Eddie??! (Shhh!)
(Shut up bitch, or you'll be dessert)
Frank: That's a rather tender subject. Another slice, anyone? (Janet gets it, Brad gets
it, Dr Scott gets it. Rocky, he doesn't give a shit. Columbia always got it. Twice
on Sundays, the lucky bitch)
Columbia: Excuse me.
(Group A: Hey, did you steal the batteries from Columbia's vibrator? / Group B: Yep)
Dr Scott: I knew he was in with a bad crowd (who are you talking to?), but
it was worse than I expected. ...Aliens!
Rocky: Ugh.
Brad and Janet: Dr Scott! (JanetBradRockyBullwinkle!)
Frank: Go on, Dr Scott. Or should I say... Dr Von Scott! (Sieg heil!)
Brad: Just what are you implying? (That he's a Nazi!)
Dr Scott: It's alright!
Brad: But Dr Scott!
Dr Scott: That's alright, Brad.
(It's time for a song anyway)
(How long has Brad been an arsehole?)
Dr Scott: From the day he was born (not the night, but the day)
He was trouble (not Monopoly, but Trouble)
He was the thorn (not the rose, but the thorn)
In his mother's side (not the back but the side)
She tried in vain (not the artery, but the vein)
Criminologist: But he never caused her nothing but shame
(Shame! Shame! Shame!)
Dr Scott: He [clap] left [clap] home [clap] the day she died
(It's rock'n'roll Scotty!)
From the day she was gone
All he wanted
Was rock'n'roll porn
Und a motorbike
Shooting up junk...
Criminologist: he was a low down cheap little punk (Yay punk!)
Dr Scott: Taking everyone for a ride
All: Whewn Eddie said he didn't like it teddy
you knew he was a no-good kid
But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife (with a fork and a knife)
Frank: What a guy! (what a fag!)
Janet: Makes you cry (makes you gag)
Dr Scott: Und I did
Columbia: Everybody shoved him
I very nearly loved him (I very nearly fucked him)
I said, hey listen to me (I said, hey listen, screw me)
Stay sane inside insanity (Stay hard when you're inside of me)
But he locked the door and threw away the key
(But he pulled it out and came all over me)
Dr Scott: But he must have been drawn
Into something (a comic script?)
Making him warn me in a note that reads...
All: What's it say? what's it say?
Eddie's voice: I'm out of my head (H-E-D)
Oh hurry, or I may be dead (spelled right!)
They mustn't carry out their evil deeds!
All: When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy
You knew he was a no-good kid
But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife (with a fork and a knife)
Frank: What a guy(what a fag!)
Janet: Makes you cry (makes you gag)
Dr Scott: Und I did
All: When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy
You knew he was a no-good kid
But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife (with a BALLPOINT PEN??)
Frank: What a guy(what a fag!)
All: Woah-woah-woah
Janet: Makes you cry (makes you gag)
All: Hey-hey-hey
(Who got the dog pregnant?)
Dr Scott: Und I did
(What's for dinner?) All: Eddie (Shhhh....)
(If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times! I HATE CELERY!)
Frank: Rocky! How could you? (How heterosexual of you!)
Frank: I'll tell you once; I won't tell you twice
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss
Your apple pie don't taste too nice
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss
(Knee him in the balls!)
I've laid the seed; it should be all you need
You're as sensual as a pencil
Wound up like an E on a first string
When we made it, did you hear a bell ring [ring bell]
You got a block? Well take my advice
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss
The transducer will seduce ya
Janet: My feet! I can't feel my feet!
Dr Scott: My wheels! My God, I can't move my wheels! (my cheeks!)
(My socks! I can't move my socks!)
Brad: It's as if we're glued to the spot!
Frank: you are! (Nyer-nyer-ni-nyer-nyer!) So quake with fear, you tiny fools!
Janet: We're trapped (We're FUCKED!)
Frank: It's something you'll get used to
A mental mind fuck can be nice.
Dr Scott: You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine. This sonic
transducer... it is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibratory-physio-molecular transport
device?
Brad: You mean... (A VIBRATOR!)
Dr Scott: Yes Brad, it's something we ourselves have been working on for quite some
time (A working vibrator?). But it seems our friend here has found a means
of perfecting it (the perfect vibrator?) A device which is capable of breaking
down solid matter and then projecting it through space (Dr Who's vibrator?)
and who knows - maybe time itself! (I want that vibrator!!)
Janet: you mean he's going to send us to another planet?
Frank: Planet-schmanet, Janet!
You better wise up, Jannet Weiss
You better wise up, build your thighs up
You better wise up
Criminologist: And then she cried out!
Janet: Stop!
Frank: Don't get hot and flustered!
Use a bit of mustard
Brad: You're a (there's a) hotdog (up your) but you better
not try to hurt her (squirt her with your) Frank Furter!
Dr Scott: You're a (there's a) hotdog (up your) but you better
not try to hurt her (squirt her with your) Frank Furter!
Janet: You're a hotdog -
(Who's Tim Curry?)
Columbia: My God! I can't stand any more of this! (Well sit down!)
First you spurn me for Eddie, then you thropw him off like an old overcoat for Rocky!
You chew people up and then you spit them out again [spitting noice]
I loved you.
(What?) do you hear me, I loved you! (Oh) And what did it get me? Yeah
I'll tell, you: a big nothing! (at least it was a big nothing...) you're like
a sponge. you just take, take, take (suck, suck, suck!) and drain
others of their life and emotion. Yeah, well I've had enough. (Nipple!) you're
gonna choose between me and Rocky, so named because of the rocks in his head (Better than
rocks in your pants, baby)
(Group A: One tit's bigger than the other / Group B: now we know which side Eddie slept on)
Frank: It's not easy having a good time... (Try Disney land on acid...
How does it feel after giving 1000 blowjobs?) Even smiling makes my face ache. And my
children turn on me (that's what Michael Jackson said) Rocky's behaving just
like Eddie did. Do you think I made a mistake, splitting his brain between the two of them?
Magenta: Ahhhh! I grow weary of this world! When shall we return to Transylvania, huh?
(As soon as we find ze moose and ze squirrel, Natasha)
Frank: Magenta, I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother Riff Raff
(She's going) You have both served me well (she's going) Loyalty such
as yours shall not go unrewarded (She's going) you will discover that when the
mood takes me, (She's gone) I can be quite generous
Magenta: I ask for nothing.... master.
Frank: And you shall receive it.... inabundance! (What does this cinema put in
their popcorn?) Come! We are ready for the floor show!
(Don't look at the camera, you'll give it away!)
(Time for a quickie? I think so. Let's use Dr Scott, he's always hard...
cripples are always getting fucked over anyway)
Criminologist: And so by some extraordinary coincidence, fate, it seemed, had
decided to let Brad and Janet keep that appointment with their friend Dr Everett Scott
but it was to be in a situation which none of them would have possibly forseen.
And just a few hours after announcing their engagement, Brad and Janet had both
tasted (Frank's cock) forbidden fruit (the big banana). This in itself
was proof that their host was a man of little morals (and a big dick) ...and
some persuasion (same thing) What further indignities were they to be subjected
to? (Uh, the floor show?) And what of the floor show that is spoken of?
(where do you masturbate?) in an empty house? (when do you masturbate?)
in the middle of the night? What diabolical plan had been shaped by Frank's (diabolical chicken stood on your forehead, screwed
crazed imagination?
your chin and stole you neck? And what are you sitting on?) What indeed? From
what had gone before it was clear that this was to be (can we have a picnic??)
no picnic.
(Virgins take note, this is what happenswhen you don't swallow)
Columbia: It was great when it all began (fall out)
I was a regular Frankie fan (fall out)
But it was over when he had the plan (to fall out)
To start a workin on a muscle man
(woompa-chucka woompa-chucka woompa-chgucka woo!)
Now the only thing that gives me hope
Is my love of a certain dope
(are my fantasies about the pope)
Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from the trouble and pain (NEXT!)
Rocky: I'm just seven hours old (and can't dance)
Truly beautiful to behold (bullshit!)
And somebody should be told (you can't dance)
My libido cannot be controlled
Now the only thing I've come to trust
Is an orgasmic rush of lust (case of thrush)
Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from the trouble and pain
(Anal floss! Scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch aaaaaand SNIFF!)
(Can you come on the ceiling?)
Brad: It's beyond me
(What do you say when you masturbate?) Help me mommy
(And?) I'll be good; you'll see
Take this dream away
What's this? (the floor) Let's see,
I feel (epileptic) sexy
What's come over me? (Frank)
Woo! Here it comes again! (NEXT!)
Janet: I feel released (real cheap); bad times decease
My confidence has increased; reality it here
The game has been disbanded; my mind has been expanded
It's a gas that Frankie's landed!
His lust is so sincere (Blow us a kiss, love!)
(So THAT'S who RKO is!)
Frank: Whatever happened to Fay Wray?
(King kong screwed her and her head exploded. All dead!)
That delicate, satin-draped frame?
As it clung to her thigh
How I started to cry (All dead!)
'Cause I wanted to be dressed just the same (like a tramp)
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure (vodka)
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares (how big is your dick?) beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
(What do you say to piss Stevie Wonder off?)
Can't you just see it? Oh, oh, oh.... oh!
(Everybody, blow on the screen! Blow! Blow! Blow! ...thanks for the blowjob. Needed work)
(Group A: Where's Adam's finger? / Group B: Where's God's whole
arm?? / Group A: In Frank's ring!)
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
(Hey, can we have a close-up!)
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
(Group A: I didn't know Frank went down on the Titanic?/ Group B: Frank's been down on everything)
(Group A:How did the Titanic sink? / Group B: Frank sucked all the seamen out of it)
(Group A: How did he survive? / Group B: He clung to a buouy!)
(Group A: Where did they find him? / Group B: On the beach, sucking on a lifesaver)
(Group A: But how did her get home? / Group B: He caught the manly Ferry )
All: Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Dr Scott: Ach! (Tung!) We've got to get (the fuck) out of here
before this decadence saps our wills. I've got to be strong (like a condom)
and try to hang on (like a good condom), or else my mind may well snap (Like
a BAD condom) and my life will be lived for the thrills!
Brad: It's beyond me; (what do you say when you masturbate?)
Help me, mommy
Janet: God bless Lily St. Cyr
(Hey Frank, whose pool is it?)
Frank: My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my... my
I'm a wild and an untamed thing
I'm a bee with a deadly sting
You get a hit and your mind goes ping
Your heart'll thump and your blood with sing (slap that tit!)
So let the party and the sounds rock on
(What do you do with a baby?)
We're gonna shake it till the life has gone
Rose tint my world and keep me safe from the trouble and pain
(I want you, you, you and you!)
All: We're a wild and an untamed thing
We're bees with a deadly sting
You get a hit and your mind goes ping
Your heart'll thump and your blood with sing (slap that tit!)
So let the party and the sounds rock on
(What do you do with a baby?)
We're gonna shake it till the life has gone
Rose tint my world and keep me safe from the trouble and pain
We're a wild and an untamed thing
We're bees with a deadly sting
You get a hit and your mind goes ping
Your heart'll thump and your blood with sing (slap that tit!)
So let the party and the sounds rock on
(What do you do with a baby?)
We're gonna shake it till the life has gone
Rose tint my world and keep me safe from the trouble and pain
(Oh my God, look behind you!!!)
Riff Raff: Frank N Furter it's all over
Your mission is a failure
Your lifestyle's (hairstyle's) too extreme
I'm your new commander
You are now my prisoner (you can pull my finger)
We return to Transylvania.
Prepare the transit beam
(Hey Frank, make a sound like a duck!)
Frank: Wait! I can explain!
(Group A: Well you better make it good, you died last show / Group B: SHHHH!!!! / Group A: Sorry)
(You get the lights, you get the switches, and I'll get the hell outta here!)
(Eight years at NIDA and I can do this!)
(Schwitches, schwitches, and I did it aww by myself!)
(Ladies and gentlemen, for one night and one night only, Alfalfa's shadow!)
frank: On the day I went away (came out gay)
All: Goodbye...
Frank: Was all I had to say
All: Now I...
Frank: I want to come again (so does Brad) and stay (hard inside)
All: Oh, my, my....
Frank: Smile, and that will mean I may
'Cause I've seen (Brad naked!)
Oh, Blue skies
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realise (There's THC in my eyeshadow, and...)
I'm going home (I'm really stoned)
(Instant audience! Just add acid!)
All: I'm going home
(Where do you masturbate?)
Frank: Everywhere (what's it like?) it's been the same...
All: Feeling...
(What's it like pissing into a fan?)
Frank: Like I'm outside in the rain...
All: Reeling...
(How much do you charge for oral?)
Frank: Free to try and find a game...
All: Dealing...
(How do we find your dungeon?)
Frank: Cards for sorrow, cards for pain (thankyou! [throw cards])
'Cause I've seen (Brad naked)
Oh, blue skies (licking bruised thighs)
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realise (there's still THC in my eyeshadow)
I'm going home (I'm still really stoned)
Frank and All: I'm going home
([applause])
Magenta: How sentimental (You bitch, you killed my buzz!)
(Group A: Look, now it's an Avril Lavigne concert! / Group B: Nah, even the chairs
would have left)
Riff Raff: And also presumptuous of you. (F) you see (K) when I said
WE were going to Transylvania (I was being a DICK), I was referring only to
Magenta and myself. I'm sorry if you found my words misleading, but (F) you see (K)
you are to remain here (in formaldehyde?) in spirit, anyway
Dr Scott: Great heavens! That's a laser! (No shit, Sherlock!)
Riff Raff: Yes, Dr Scott. A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter
(Group A: It's only a model / Group B: Shhh!)
Brad: You mean you're going to kill him? What's his crime? (Serving leftover meatloaf)
Dr Scott: You saw what became of Eddie. Society must be protected.
(Fuck society, Frank did)
Riff Raff: Exactly, Dr Scott. And now Frank N Furter, your time has come (so's
Brad's) Say goodbye to all of this (goodbye, all of this!) and hello (hello)
to oblivion! (Hi Oblivion, how's the wife and kids? Your wife, my kids)
(Eyes... lips... first one to scream gets it in the tits)
(We want rope! We want rope! We want rope!)
(No, Rocky, he's not dead yet! Oh. Now he is.)
(Wait! Don't let the music out! Nooooooo!)
(Chest of steal! Back of steal! Shoulder of steal! Hairy armpit of steal! Set of plywood!)
([Trannies hold up score cards])
Brad: Good God!
Janet: Oh! You killed them!
Magenta: But I thought you liked them. They liked you.
(Don't get paranoid, Riff!)
Riff Raff: They didn't like me! (Go for the Oscar!) They never liked me!
Dr Scott: You did right! (Uh, why are you guys still here?)
Riff Raff: A decision had to be made, Dr Scott. (And I went with this hairstyle)
Dr Scott: You're OK by me! (Nannoo nannoo, shazbut shazbut. Oh shit, wrong alien)
Riff Raff: Dr Scott, I'm sorry about your (sex life) nephew (same thing)
Dr Scott: Eddie? Well, perhaps it was for the best, heh heh heh.
Riff Raff: You should leave now Dr Scott while it is still possible (You mean it
was possible before??) We are about to beam the entire house back to the planet
Transsexual (Swallow it Magenta!!), on the galaxy of Transylvania. Go! (when?)
Now! (Does this mean we can't use your phone? Er, don't worry we'll use the mobile)
Our noble mission is completed, my most beautiful sister, and soon we shall return
to the moon-drenched shores of our beloved planet.
Magenta: Ah, sweet Transsexual, land of night (and high electricity bills)
To sing and dance once more to your dark refrain...
(Hey Magenta, is it better to give or to take?)
To take that - step to the right!
Magenta and Riff Raff: HAH!
Riff Raff: But it's the pelvic THRUST...
Transylvanians: That really drives you insane! (Aaah! Acid flashbakcs!)
Magenta: and our world will do the Time Warp again!
Brad: I've done a lot
(can you suck yourself off?) God knows I've tried
To find the truth
I've even lied
And all I know
(what happens when Frank screws you?)
Is down inside I'm...
All: Bleeding...
Janet: And super heroes (stumble, stumble, fall)
Come to feast (stumble, stumble, fall)
To taste the flesh (stumble, stumble, don't fall)
Not yet deceased (stumble, stumble, sit!)
And all I know is still the beast is...
All: Feeding. Ah, ahh....
Criminologist: And crawling (up your arse) on the planet's face
(What did you have for breakfast?)
Some insects (Why's your phone bill so high?) called the human race
(Where's your neck?) Lost in time...
And lost in space
(And what does this movie lack?) And meaning.
(Sing it, it's important!)
All: Meaning
Usherette: Science Fiction
Double Feature
Frank has built and
Lost his creature
Darkness has conquered
Brad and Janet
The servants gone to
A distant planet
Wo, oh, oh, oh
At the late night, double feature
Picture show
I wanna go, oh, oh, oh
To the late night, double feature
Picture show