Drew's Response: I also gave you a T-Shirt.
We're not going to be the most powerful country forever. And how we hold this distinction now will determine how other countries will treat out grandchildren.
Me: They frustrate me to no end! *grumble* *grumble*
Bill: Take deep breaths... *pause* Have you started bringing alcohol to work yet?
Me: Not yet, but I'm getting pretty close.
Stacy: The soft warm wonderful quick-bread magic that is pancakes!
Hector: Why do girls have to tell the same story over and over again?
Me: Because we want to hear it again but we have to tell someone or else we would just be talking to ourselves.
Elkyn: That's why I have speaker-phone and a Play Station.
Bill: Life was good, then I had my first kiss (which was really good) and my world has been turned upside down ever since. Crazy, confusing women.
Bill: Don't get this one drunk and let her around your cell phone. She changed the language to Spanish and now it won't stop saying 'Bill's Pants'.
Bill: I'm going to get you a shirt that says 'I'm a hard woman to date'.
Corrina: And I'll get you a shirt that says 'I'm a pain in Corinna's ass'.
Brian: I want a shirt that says 'Bill's Pants'.
Emily: So how do you say 'I've had too much to drink' in German?
Me/Brian: Ich hatte zu viel zu trinken.
Bill: Now the question is, do they think they're speaking in English, or German.
Elkyn: Which ring-tone do you want?
Me: That one... no wait, I changed my mind, the other one before it.
Bill: I'm suddenly having flash-backs to my marriage and moving furniture. 'I think I liked the couch better against that wall.'
Paul: Here, the napkin goes in your lap so you won't get food on your clothes. Now drop some food... go ahead and test it out, I promise it works.
Stacy: If it's a big deal, then it's no big deal.
Me: That's a really gigantic leaf you have there.
Mel: Yeah, it's freakishly huge but there weren't any freakishly huge trees around.
Me: Maybe it migrated, like coconuts... *awkward silence*... ok, it's time to go back to my office now.
Greg: The right side of your brain just went over to the left side and said 'it's dark over here'.
Me: Well, he said 'we' so I would assume there're more people with him, but he could have been referencing the collective 'we' that's in his mind.
Sherri: He has a collective 'we' too? So do I!
Me: I think God should be in charge of questioning potential jurors for jury duty because He's omniscient.
Joe: Then why wouldn't God just make the judgment?
Me: Because then no one can be on God's slush list.
Bill, every Monday morning: Rhea, you came back?!
James Gould Cozzens: A cynic is just a man who found out when he was about ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he's still upset.
Top Ten Subtle Differences Between Hell and UMBC: (contribution of Samantha)
1. It doesn't rain in Hell
2. Everyone has heard of Hell.
3. It's more fun getting into Hell.
4. You can't flunk out of Hell.
5. At least you can sleep in Hell.
6. Hell is forever, UMBC undergrad just seems like it.
7. People smile in Hell.
8. You only have to sell your soul to go to Hell.
9. You know there are hot men and women in Hell.
10. You won't tell a friend to go to UMBC.