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| The Faculty of ETSATC |
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| Photos of the faculty of ETSATC cannot be published nor can their identities be revealed for security purposes. Their codenames and areas of expertise are listed. These agents are dedicated to training some of our nations most deceptive and creative Intelligence officers. |
| Special Agent Incharge / Director of Affairs Codename: Caveman Incharge of administering the daily operations of the school. An expert in covert and deep cover operations; his codename comes form his ablity to disappear underground for months at a time with seemingly no trace of activity. |
| Special Agent / Dean of Propaganda Codenamme: Dr. Noiz Trained by Agent Surly Man himself , he is a master of putting a spin on the truth, enaging in psychological warfare. He is also skilled in chemical defense and weaponry mainly those that employ the use of gas. |
| Special Agent / Dean of Combat Codename: Squibinator Trained by Agent Surly Man , an expert in combat. A master of various attacks and defenses to include his very own surly attack and coma defense. His motto "nothing beats a good grapple" comes from his extensive use of grapples in his training, which includes Tekken and watching WWE. |
| Special Agent / Dean of Gadgets Codename: Button Button Girl An expert in technology and gadgets from the lethal use of toothpicks to the code sending capablity of Euchre. Also a highly trained expert in subterfuge, her counter intelligemce tactics are unsurpassed. |
| Special Agent / Dean of Seductive Tactics Codename: Tits This agent is trained in the art of seduction and chemical and drug resistance. Years of training have molded this agent into an almost virtual fortress against drug interrogation and honed her ability to extract information from male agents with the use of her two assest...beauty and charm (get your mind out of the gutter). |
| Special Agent / Dean of Firearms Codename: Bean Stalk This agent is trained in firearms and their use in attack and defense. This agent loves large pistols such as the Desert Eagle 50 cal. The agents training is kept sharp through various video games and other simulation training programs. |
| Special Agent / Dean of Survival Codename: Earth Worm This agent is trained in wilderness survival ,with the ability to find food in the most desperate of situations, the ability to make weapons from the bare minimums, makes this agent's knowledge valuable to all field work. |
| Special Agent / Dean of Economic Espionage Codename: Lord of the Larp This agent is highly trained in the arts of negotiation and manipulation of the economy. He is able to blend into any eco-social situation and make the local economy work to his advantage and discredit his enemies. |
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| Special Agent / Dean of Battle Ethics Codename: 0069-"Bond"age This agent is trained for Battle and if you ask him; he will tell you Battle is all that matters. He just likes Battle and is consumed with Battle. He will train you in the art of Battle and go over it with you Ten Thousand times!! His motto is ....you guessed it "Battle". |
| Special Agent / Dean of Anti - Interrogation Codename: The Shatner This agent is adept at the artful dodge, beating around the bush and so on. His years of study of the art of thinking has turned him into the master of saying much of nothing, allowing him to withstand the most grueling of interrogations. He also is an accomplished actor. |
| Special Agent / Dean of Sabotage Codename: Master Tofu This Agent is the Vegan of the art of natural sabotage. His combination of natural body secretions and expert placement allow him to incapacitate water pipes and sometimes take out personnel. He has also developed the super secret saki attack. |
| Special Agent / Dean of Psychological War Codename : Babble On 5 This agent is the unsurpassed master of psycho warfare; he has the ability to cause extreme mental trauma through his lengthy and incoherent speech in which he will drag you across the lines of decency into a realm of mental scars and shock. Most students drop his classes. |