Kevin held onto Viki’s hand tightly. He
nodded. “Jess and her boyfriend were with dad in his car and they were hit by a
drunk driver who came at them head on.”
“Oh my God,” Viki squeezed Kevin’s hands. “How
bad?” she asked in a low fear filled voice.
Kevin was trembling slightly. “It’s bad.
Jessie’s boyfriend was killed and she and dad are in extremely critical
condition.”
************
Todd sat straight up when he heard Saber.
“Stop thinking about that precious wifey of
yours and focus on what you have to do. Be practical. It’s for the best that
Viki is away and you chased Téa out of your life. You don’t want them
interfering when the time comes and Blair and Sam get you out of here. Blair,
Sam and whatever Mickey Mouse staff Blair hired will be easy to con. You don’t
want Téa and Viki in your life now. Look at the bright side. Téa will have
someone to turn to after you’re gone. It’ll be harder on her if she still loves
you when it happens.” Saber knew Viki and Téa would not be as easily fooled or
controlled as Blair and Sam. “You’ve got to make sure that lady doc of yours
stays out of the picture too. She has no legal rights, but she could try to
keep you from doing what you know you have to do. You be a man Todd. For once
in your life don’t be a little girl wuss. You know there’s only pain and
suffering for you here and for everyone who’s close to you. Don’t blow the one
chance you have to end the pain. Be careful. Don’t talk to Sam about this if
anyone can hear.”
************
Kevin and Téa noticed that Timmy’s speech
didn’t sound right, even for Timmy. They also noticed that his jaw looked to be
at an odd angle. His teeth seemed to be mashing together.
Before they had a chance to call to Susannah,
Timmy dropped the remote and cried out in pain. He grabbed his jaw and mouth
and then his neck. Timmy’s head was cocked at an odd angle to the side.
Kevin cradled Timmy in his arms. “What’s
happening to him?” Kevin called out frantically.
“It hurrrrrrts,” Timmy managed to get out. His
upper and lower teeth were tightly clenched together.
“Oh my God,” Téa cried. Everything from
Timmy’s neck up seemed to be at some odd and painful looking angle.
“The medication you gave him is doing this to
him!” Sam bellowed angrily.
Sam stood frozen. He
stared at what was happening to Timmy as if he were watching a movie. Blair’s
words, “Doctor Hanen might believe that
no one would ever suspect her and look into her private business or like the PI
I hired suggested . . . there’s nothing criminal about taking money from Asa.
Doctor Hanen and Asa might believe that it could be explained away if someone
should ask,” played over and over again in Sam’s mind. He desperately wanted to
get to Viki before she left. He knew he couldn’t add to her grief. Sam felt
completely alone.
**********
Kevin pulled Timmy to him and held him
tightly. “You’re my boy. I’d never, ever leave you forever.” A thought stung
Kevin’s mind. He knew he could never in good conscience make that promise to
his son Duke. Yet he also knew without a doubt that it was true in Timmy’s
case. He still had no idea why this child . . . this part of Todd . . . got to
him the way he did. Kevin kissed the top of Timmy’s head. “Will you take good
care of Téa and Daddy and Doctor Hanen and everyone here for me?”
Timmy nodded. He held up three fingers. “You
call me dhis many times ewewyday?”
“Pinkie promise. Not one day will go by when I
don’t call you three times.” Kevin realized that promise could only extend to
Timmy. If Todd came back, Kevin would be the last person he’d want to talk to.
***********
Sam walked to the lounge near Timmy’s room.
Téa followed.
“He seems to be okay now. He took the news
about Kevin and Viki leaving better than I thought he would,” Téa said once she
and Sam were seated.
“Didn’t he suffer enough to please you?” Sam
snapped.
“Wha . . . Sam, what the hell do you mean by
that?” Téa couldn’t believe Sam said that.
“I don’t want you around Timmy or Todd or any
of them anymore.”
Téa’s blood ran cold. “Sam, you can’t mean
that?”
“The hell I can’t. I let them call you today
because of the circumstances. From what I understand, Todd doesn’t want you
here and neither do I.”
***********
Dorian leaned against the front door after she
closed it. She rolled her eyes. “As if Todd was never violent with her when he
was himself,” Dorian murmured. She sighed loudly. “Perhaps I went a teeny bit
too far when I had that young college student transfer that money to Susannah
Hanen’s account,” Dorian said to herself. She knew it was too late to change
that now. She hurried upstairs to start calling the staff she had on standby.
***********
“Sam, psychiatric treatment for Todd was
ordered by the courts.”
“Psychiatric treatment, not hospitalization.
Viki is giving you consent to keep Todd here, not the court. I will make sure
that Todd and the alters continue to receive psychiatric care.” Sam looked at
his watch. He saw that Blair had more than enough time to get Starr over to
Dorian’s and to get back home. “I’m going in to wake Timmy up now. Please leave
the prescriptions at the nurses’ station. I’ll pick them up on my way out.” Sam
sounded cold and detached.
Susannah forced herself to stay calm. She knew
she could not legally stop Sam from taking Todd from the hospital without a
court order, forever. Nevertheless, she could stop him from doing it tonight.
“It’s my opinion that Todd is not stable enough to leave the hospital. It’s the
hospital’s right to request a hearing and a mental health review officer will come
to the hospital. He or she will hear arguments for and against keeping Todd
hospitalized. The courts are closed now. Other than extreme emergencies, no one
can request a hearing tonight. Sam, do you really want to put Todd through that
hearing?”
***********
“Hello,” Blair said breathlessly into the
phone. She had been running around ever since she left Dorian’s. She had
stopped at a convenience store to
pick up some foods she remembered Todd liking. When she got home, she had gone
from room to room checking windows. She was very happy that she had
shatterproof glass placed in all the windows and the terrace doors and added
high security locks. Blair had that done shortly after Matthew Allen pointed
out that she needed a safe environment for Todd to live in. Blair tried to
think of everything she had done to baby proof the penthouse and Dorian’s when
Starr was a baby. She knew there was a chance the baby or Baby Todd could come
out. Then Blair realized that she’d need to go through the medicine chests in all
the bathrooms, in case there was something there Todd could harm himself with.
To be on the safe side, Blair hid almost everything . . . razors and razor
blades, aspirin, Tylenol, alcohol, even the children’s medications she kept in
Starr’s bathroom. Blair was just about to head to the kitchen to tuck away any
sharp objects when she heard the phone ring.
*************
“Ay dios mio, what is he thinking! Todd isn’t
safe enough to leave the hospital. Look what happened just few hours ago. What
if he’d been home when he became that angry or when he had that dystonic
reaction? Doctor Hanen, please, we have to do something to stop Sam.”
“Téa,” Susannah said softly. “We might not be
able to. Todd is not here by court order. He’s already been here longer than most
courts in
“Of course I do,” Téa cut Susannah off. “I’ll
file a petition to become Todd’s substitute guardian first thing tomorrow
morning.”
“Damn it!” Téa declared. “I know Blair is
behind this. She saw Sam’s vulnerabilities and she pounced on them like the
snake that she is.”
***********
Susannah stopped at the nurses’ station to
make sure everyone was up to speed on what was going on. She then headed for
her office. Once she was seated at her desk, Susannah picked up the phone. “Hi,
it’s me . . . I won’t be able to make dinner tonight. I need to stay here. I. .
.” Susannah’s voice broke. “Bill, do you think you can come here for a while. I
. . . I need you.”
Bill told Susannah he’d be right there. He
knew how difficult those words were for her to say. Something had to be very
wrong.
***********
“Yes! Dorian I told you. I need something in
writing that proves Todd will have the best of care here,” Blair said into the
phone. “I know the bank records alone are not proof that Asa paid Doctor Hanen
to hurt Todd. It still looks bad for her and it’s all I have. She will! . . .
Oh thank you Dorian . . . No, I don’t know for sure, but there is a chance that
Todd can come home with us tomorrow and I’m so happy that you were able to get
at least one of the nurses and techs to be here by tomorrow . . . I know . . .
I love you too . . . I never would have been able to do this without you . . .
she is . . . did she talk to you or Mel or ask anything about her daddy? . . . What
did you say . . . that’s good. I don’t want her to get any false hopes that she
can come home in a day or two . . . Yes. As soon as I know anything I’ll call
you. . . You too . . . Night.”
Blair hung up. She was exhausted and wired at
the same time. She did feel better knowing at least some staff would be there
if Todd became ill or had some kind of episode. Blair jumped when the doorbell
rang. “Oh my God, maybe Sam was able to get Todd out of there tonight,” Blair
said to herself, out loud. She ran to the door and pulled it open. “Téa! What
the hell are you doing here?”
Téa pushed past Blair and walked into the
apartment. “We need to talk.”
*******************************************************************************
“You heard me Téa! What the
hell are you doing here?” Blair’s tone and stare were filled with venom.
“Is Starr
upstairs?” Téa asked calmly.
“That’s
none of your damn business. I want you to get out of here, NOW!”
“Blair, I
don’t think you want Starr to overhear what I have to say. If she’s upstairs,
we need to go to the kitchen or out on the terrace.”
For a
moment, Blair’s anger turned to panic. “Has something happened to Todd?”
“Not yet,”
Téa replied. “And I want to make sure that nothing will. If Starr is upstairs
can we please talk elsewhere?”
Blair’s
fury returned. She walked up to Téa until their faces were only inches apart.
“Starr is at a sleepover tonight.” Blair mentioned nothing about it being at
Dorian’s. “Is that the game now Téa? You’re coming on like Todd’s big
protector? You’re the only one he needs protecting from!”
Téa told
herself on the way over to the penthouse that she would not let Blair get to
her. She knew that one of them had to stay rational. Todd’s life could be at
stake. Téa took a moment to calm her self. She looked around. She noticed the
windows and terrace doors looked different. Téa took a closer look at
everything. She saw that all sharp edges of the furniture in the room had been
cushioned and the unused electrical outlets had socket guards in them. Téa also
realized that this was a school night. It was unusual for Starr to be at a
sleepover on a school night.
“Planning
on having another baby Blair?”
Blair
stepped back in surprise. She hated that Téa could always see right through
anything she did. “What’s going on Téa? Are you bored because Kevin is out of
town?”
Téa
ignored Blair’s remark. “Todd flew into a rage earlier today. He hurt several
staff members and would most likely have hurt himself badly if he hadn’t been
stopped. Blair, it took over a dozen staff members to keep him safe. Do you
honestly think you and Sam can keep him safe here?”
Blair’s
eyes were filled with fear and fury. She knew that Téa had definitely figured
out that this is where they were planning to bring Todd.
Blair
hated Téa for many reasons, most of all because Téa was not merely a rival, she
was a rival who always bested her. Blair hated losing Max to Luna and Cord to
Tina and his family, but at least she was able tell her self she was superior
to these women. It was different with Téa. Téa . . . intelligent . . . highly
educated . . . beautiful . . . loved by Starr . . . by Viki . . . respected by
everyone in town . . . able to reach something in Todd that Blair knew in her
heart she had never been able to get close to. Blair had always believed that
Todd would eventually come back to her, no matter what, if she wanted him. That
was until that day in the park. Todd was calm. He wasn’t acting out of rage.
Blair let him know she wished they could go back to what they had, and still he
chose Téa and left her crying on a park bench.
Blair grew
up with nothing and no to love her. She never developed a bond with another
woman. It was only as an adult that Blair was able to bond with two women that
she did not consider rivals, first her mother and then Dorian. Blair didn’t
trust women because she saw them the way she saw herself. Her ability to get
any man she wanted from any woman was the only real talent she thought she
possessed.
Blair
thrived on revenge. Even though, in the long run, she would end up hurting herself
more than anyone. The immediate gratification of seeing her perceived enemy
hurt was like a drug to her. She craved it. With Téa, Blair could never get
that gratification. Over and over again, Téa found a way to come out on top.
Blair hated Téa more than she ever had any other woman. The thought of Téa
being the one Todd loved and wanted made Blair’s skin crawl.
“Sam and I
can keep Todd safe from you! What’s the matter Téa? Did we put a crimp in your
plans? What are you more afraid of . . . that you’ll lose access to Todd’s
money or the chance to watch him suffer?”
Téa did
not allow herself to lose her cool. “I know you’re not trying to hurt Todd.
Nevertheless, that will be the result. Blair, Todd is not ready to leave the
hospital. He can be a danger to himself and to everyone around him. He still
has physical problems. They’re helping Todd there. Don’t take him away from
that. He’s making amazing progress. He’s bonded with Doctor Hanen and the
staff. Todd needs that. He needs to feel the love and caring these people show
him . . .”
“Oh you
like that, don’t you,” Blair cut Téa off. “You like that he’s become so
dependant on you and everyone at the hospital. You love that you and the
Buchanans got him to trust you and believe that you care about him and love
him. You liked making a fool out of him. Thank God he was finally able to see
through you. Didn’t know that, did you? I wouldn’t stand by and let all of you
hurt Todd and play him for a fool. How much are they paying you Téa? Wasn’t
Todd’s money enough for you? Are you getting paid by Asa too or is getting
serviced by Kevin enough payment for you?”
This time
it was Téa who got into Blair’s face. “You made him feel stupid for trusting Bo
and Nora and Kevin didn’t you? You took that away from him? Why do you always
have to make him feel bad about himself? Does it make you feel like more?”
“All I did
was save him from being made a fool of and being hurt by all of you. Todd needs
to know who his enemies are. All of you have him so twisted around with all the
drugs you’re giving him that he can’t even recognize whom they are anymore. Did
you and Kevin get off on that? Did you need to know that Todd thought both of
you care about him to make fucking each other more enjoyable?”
Téa
trembled with anger for a second. Then she collected herself and spoke.
"You’ve always had a problem with me being Todd's wife. You never stopped
resenting that Todd chose to stay with me. You won't believe the truth about
Kevin and me just being friends because you would love nothing better than to
get me out of Todd's life. Blair, can’t you just accept that you and Todd are
no longer married?"
"I
have always had a problem with you being Todd's wife because you are his bought
and paid for wife. What's the problem Téa? Wasn't five million enough for you?
Are you holding out for the rest?" Blair spat out.
"You
always wanted to keep stringing Todd along. You had to make sure he was always
there for you," Téa accused.
"What
the hell are you talking about? I never strung Todd along," Blair angrily
denied.
"Yes
you did! You were always showing up at the penthouse, trying to gain Todd's
sympathy. You walked in there like you were so sure you were going to get Todd
to do exactly what you wanted him to. You never stopped pulling his strings and
treating him as if he were your puppet. You were the one who broke up your
marriage to Todd, Blair, and it was long before I came into the picture. You
lied to him every chance you got. You sided with everyone else against him. You
always wanted Todd to take care of you and fight your battles for you. I heard
about the way you used Todd to seek revenge on half the town. As long as Todd
could do for you and put your needs before his own, you loved him. When did you
EVER put his needs before yours! When did you ever care about what was going on
inside Todd’s head? You never had any regrets for those you hurt and you
couldn’t understand it when Todd had compassion for some of his victims. You
never encouraged that good part of him. You only encouraged the worst parts.
You couldn’t brush aside Todd’s tortured past and mind fast enough because it
didn’t fit in with the fairy tale life you wanted Todd to give you!" Téa
threw things into Blair’s face that she had been holding inside for a long
time.
Téa's
words stung Blair, because there was truth in them. Nevertheless, Blair still
came back at Téa. "I may have lied to Todd when I got him to marry me the
first time. That was because I needed the money to help my mother." Blair
defended her actions before continuing. "At least I didn't out and out
prostitute myself for five million . . . and it's not enough for you! You still
want more. You pretend to be here for Todd . . . loving him . . . acting
devoted to him and those precious little children . . . the only reason you do
that is because you want it all. You want every dime that Todd has in addition
to revenge on him. And as far as all Todd's other needs go," Blair
smirked, "I think I was able to satisfy them a lot more than you, his Latina
nanny, ever were.” Blair thought she was hitting on Téa’s most vulnerable
issue, and at one time she would have been.
As soon as
Téa heard Blair say that, she realized something had changed. It was the way
she felt about herself. Téa had learned a tremendous amount about what drove
both her and Todd to feel and act the way they did. Her perspective on her past
relationship with Todd had changed. She could understand things she never could
while they were happening.
It was
more than that. Between her sessions with Susannah, her talks with Viki, and
most of all Todd’s reactions to her and the things he had said and done over
the past few months, Téa knew that almost from the start Todd had connected and
bonded with her. She also knew that Todd had made love to her in ways that were
just as meaningful as the physical act, in some ways more so. Téa suddenly
realized that Blair’s taunts had lost their power. Téa’s understanding of
Todd’s relationship with both of them transferred the power to her.
"Todd
had sex with you, Blair, because you made sure he lived to please you. It was
Todd taking care of your needs, not the other way around. Todd was used to
allowing his body to be used just to please someone and to earn their
love."
Téa's
words were like a slap in the face to Blair. She did not want to believe there
could be any truth in them. She did not even want to think about what Téa was
alluding to. Instead, she threw some of Téa's actions back at her. "At
least I never cheated on Todd while I was still married to him . . . or was
fucking Andrew some new age version of marriage counseling?"
“I know I
did things to hurt Todd.” Téa owned up to her mistakes. “I’m sorry for them and
Todd knows I’m sorry for them. Me Blair, I’m sorry for them. I took
responsibility for what I did and I didn’t try to make Todd think my mistakes
were his fault. I didn’t look around for someone else to blame either. Other
than saying ‘excuse me’ if you step on someone’s toe, when have you ever
admitted that you were at fault for anything? All you ever did was fling
accusations at Todd . . . at me . . . at everyone . . . for taking things away
from you . . . for ruining your life . . . you’re not a kid in an orphanage
anymore. You’re a middle-aged woman. When the hell are you ever going to accept
the responsibility for your own actions?”
“When are you?
You did this to Todd, you and Kevin . . . Doctor Hanen, and the rest of the
damn Buchanans. Well it’s over Téa! Sam and I are going to take Todd away from
all of you.”
“No, what
you’re going to do is take away Todd’s only chance for a life . . . a safe,
relatively normal life.”
“The only
thing we’re taking Todd away from is making him self a target for revenge. We’re
taking him away from being used by you and the Buchanans. All of you thought
Todd would be a sitting duck once you got him to believe that Kevin and Bo and
Nora of all people actually liked him and cared about him.”
No! You
did what you always do. You took away any good feelings Todd could have about
himself. You reinforced his belief that no one could ever forgive him or care
about him. You made him feel like an unlovable monster that can’t be part of
the world. Why Blair? Why have you always needed to do that to him? What did
Todd ever do to you that you didn’t push him to do? He never wanted to hurt you
by taking Starr away from you. He only wanted to keep you and Dorian from
cutting him out of her life. Why do you have this need to isolate him? Are you
so insecure that you think the only way Todd will ever have anything to do with
you is if he has no one else in this world?”
Téa saw by
the look on Blair’s face that she struck a nerve. Téa softened her tone.
“Blair, please, if you really do care anything at all about Todd, don’t do
this. Don’t place him in danger. Don’t take away his chance to recover. Don’t
use Sam this way. You know Sam is holding on by a thread. If anything happens
to Todd, it will destroy his life too. It will do the same to Viki and your own
child. How will you face Starr if something happens to the father she adores
with all her heart? Starr is not a baby anymore. No matter how you spin it,
eventually she’ll learn that you were the one who hurt her daddy. Please, if
you truly care about Todd you would want what’s best for him not what is best
for you.”
Blair
stared into Téa’s eyes. For a fleeting moment, Téa’s words got through to her. Oh
my God, if something does happen to Todd, Starr will never forgive me,
Blair thought to herself. Then Blair thought about everything she believed Téa
had taken from her. She thought about the images of Téa and Kevin in those
pictures she had seen and about catching Kevin, half-naked, in Téa’s hotel
room. She thought about some of the things she had seen the hospital do to Todd
and some of the children. She thought about Todd’s reactions to what she told
him about Téa and Kevin. She remembered the way he defended Téa. He couldn’t
believe Téa would do that to him. Blair knew Todd never had any trouble
believing she’d cheat on him, hurt him, or betray him. She saw a look of trust
and love in his eyes when he spoke of Téa that she never saw in connection to
her. It was the same with Todd’s tone. Man, she has him fooled, Blair
thought angrily. The longer I leave him in her clutches, the more he is
going to believe that she loves him and he loves her. He’ll never see that it’s
his money she loves and revenge that she’s after. Todd is the father of my
child. He belongs with his family, not with her! Blair thought to herself
as the reality of Téa’s words were replaced with feelings of hatred and
jealousy.
“There’s
no judge here to convince that I’m a bad mother Téa! I would never do anything
to hurt my little girl and you know it!”
“Focus
Blair! It’s Todd we’re talking about. You won’t be getting back at me by doing
this. It’s Todd you’ll be hurting and that will hurt Starr. This isn’t a game
of besting each other anymore. Don’t make Todd pay the price for your insane
jealousy.”
Hatred
filled Blair’s being. “Jealous! Of you! You’ll never be anything more to Todd
than the live in help, Chiquita!”
Téa shook
her head and smiled to herself. Just as Blair’s digs about satisfying Todd
sexually couldn’t get to her any more, she knew, without a doubt, neither could
this. Téa had learned far too much about herself and about what was truly important.
Blair’s words missed their target by a mile.
“Sorry,
Blair, that old song has lost its effect. Does that really help you? Do you
think so little of yourself that your ethnic background is all you think you
have over me?”
For a
moment, Blair’s mouth hung open. Blair looked into Téa’s eyes. If looks could
kill, Téa would be dead where she stood. “You’ve said what you came for. Now
get out!” Blair ordered through clenched teeth.
Téa knew
how volatile Blair could be. Nevertheless, she had to try one more time. Téa
moved closer to Blair. “I believe that a part of you really does care about
Todd. If you every truly loved him, put him first. Don’t let the demons that
drive you cause you to do something that can destroy Todd and Starr.”
“GET OUT!”
Blair screamed. “GET OUT!”
Téa tried
one more thing. “Todd has asked me to get out of his life. If I promise to stay
away from Todd’s unit when he is out, will you talk to Sam and try to convince
him not to try to take Todd out of the hospital, at least until Viki is back?
Then all of you can make that decision together.”
Blair
calmed down and studied Téa for a few moments. All she could feel was fear. Téa
had outsmarted her on every move. Téa was a threat to her. She didn’t trust
her. “Trying to buy time?” Blair spat out.
“What?”
Téa had no idea what Blair was talking about.
“You want
Todd left in that hospital for just a while longer, is that what you’re saying
. . . just long enough for you to put the final stage of your plan in motion.
You want to make sure to kill any trust Todd has in me and in Sam. You want to
make sure he stays there long enough for you to destroy him completely. Will
that be your welcome home present to the Buchanans? FORGET IT! NOW YOU GET THE
FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE! THE TERRACE IS A LOT HIGHER THAN THAT SECOND STORY
WINDOW! GET OUT THE WAY YOU CAME IN, BEFORE YOU’LL BE SORRY THAT YOU DIDN’T
WHILE YOU STILL HAD THE CHANCE.”
Blair
didn’t frighten Téa. However, Téa realized that Blair was beyond being reasoned
with. The more she tried the more paranoid and filled with hatred Blair became.
Before Téa closed the door behind her, she turned and said, “Don’t be the one
to take Starr’s daddy away from her. She’ll hate you for it.” Téa closed the
door.
Blair
picked up a silver candy dish and threw it against the door. “YOU BITCH! YOU
FUCKING WHORE BITCH! GETTING TODD AWAY FROM YOU WILL BE THE BEST THING I CAN
EVER DO FOR HIM.”
************
“Do you
think it would help if I talked to Sam?” Bill asked after Susannah told him
what was going on.
“No. I’m
afraid that Sam would see it as one more person lined up against him. He’s in
trouble Bill. His thinking is becoming more disorganized. He’s distrustful of
everyone except Todd and Viki and possibly Blair.”
Bill put
his arm around Susannah’s shoulder as they sat on the couch in her office. “I
wish I could tell you that I’m sure any judge or hearing officer would never
hand Todd over to Sam, but I’ve seen the way these things go down.”
“So have I
and that’s why I’m scared to death for Todd,” Susannah admitted. “I’m limited
in what I can say. A doctor can’t predict the future. I can’t testify that Todd
will definitely not comply with his medication or that a dangerous alter will
definitely come out or that Todd will try to take his own life. All I can do is
testify to the possibility, and that doesn’t carry much weight with most judges
and hearing officers.”
“You sure
you don’t want to call Viki?” Bill inquired.
“Yes.
Kevin was right. We can’t add this to Viki’s burden. How could I ask her to
leave her critically injured daughter and ex-husband to rush back here? How can
I even add the burden of knowing that Sam might be a danger to Todd to
everything she already has to face? I don’t believe for a minute that Sam would
change his mind, even if Viki were to speak with him over the phone. Sam is
beyond being able to understand what he’s doing. He perceives this threat to
Todd and that’s what’s driving him . . . that and this overpowering need he has
to make things up to Todd. Todd’s ex-wife, Blair, might be encouraging Sam’s
perceptions.”
Bill
sighed. “Okay . . . worst case scenario . . . some idiot judge or hearing
officer allows Sam to take Todd out of the hospital . . . what then? Surely no
one would allow Todd to just stop therapy . . . a court ordered therapy?”
“No, Todd
would still have to see a therapist as an outpatient. That won’t keep him safe.
I know Todd is still suicidal. In fact, I’m sure that his thoughts of suicide
have escalated. Then there’s the threat of Saber. He truly believes that Todd
can die and he won’t. Who knows how many other internal persecutors there might
be? There’s Todd’s physical health. It’s crucial that he stays on his anti-seizure
med and that he gets regular feedings in addition to what some of the alters
will eat. The PEG tube needs meticulous care. Then there are Todd’s trust
issues. Even if he chooses to leave here, he will feel abandoned by all of us.
He will believe that he was just a job to us and that we never truly cared
about him.”
Bill saw
Susannah’s eyes well up with tears. He stroked her cheek. “I think in some part
of Todd’s mind, he knows how loved he is by you and the staff.”
“Maybe,”
Susannah said softly.
“What
about your feelings in this?” Bill asked gently.
“It’s my
responsibility to keep Todd as safe and healthy as possible,” Susannah
responded.
Bill
placed his hand on Susannah’s heart. “In here, Susannah, in here. Forget that
you’re Todd’s doctor. Forget your professional responsibilities. Forget what
this could do to Todd for just a minute. Tell me what this is doing to you.”
Susannah
burst into tears. “I feel like my child is being ripped out of my arms. I feel
like I will never see Todd again if he leaves here. He’s making so much
progress. A few months ago he didn’t even know where he was. He didn’t
recognize the people who love him. He shut himself away and lived in darkness.
I finally feel I’m getting to do what I’ve wanted to do since the moment I
first laid eyes on Todd. I’m helping him get his life back.”
Susannah
smiled. “You should have seen Todd that first day. Tom was out. He was at
Viki’s. He was sitting on the floor of his room playing a video game. He looked
up at me with those big frightened eyes of his . . .” Susannah’s voice trailed
off. “Oh God, Bill, I’m terrified. I know something terrible will happen if Sam
takes Todd out of here. I know it.”
Bill held
Susannah tightly as she continued to sob.
***********************
Scottsdale
Healthcare Osborn
Scottsdale
Arizona
***********************
“Listen,
lady, I can buy this hospital and you’ll be scrubbing toilets here instead of
trying to keep patients from their families.”
“Asa!”
Renee knew Asa was losing it. Hearing about Clint and Jessica’s extensive
injuries was terrifying enough. When they were told that Clint had also suffered
a mild heart attack while in the ER, Asa began trying to bully his way in to
see his son.
“Asa, stop
it,” Viki ordered.
“Jesus,
Pa, you’re making a bad situation worse,” Bo remarked.
“I’M
making it worse,” Asa shouted.
“Grandpa,
they said they’d let us in to see Jessie and Dad as soon as possible. Let them
do their job,” Kevin tried to reason.
Asa looked
at his watch. “I’m giving them ten more minutes and then a herd of wild
stallions won’t stop me from seeing my son and granddaughter.”
Renee took
Asa’s arm. “Come on. Let’s sit down.” She led him to some chairs.
“I’m
sorry,” Bo apologized to the nurse Asa had threatened. “My father is out of his
mind with worry.”
“Apologize
accepted,” she replied graciously. “It should only be a few more minutes until
they have Mr. Buchanan settled in the TICU. That’s the unit where post-op
patients with multi-system, traumatic injuries go. It may be a while longer
before you can see Ms. Buchanan. She’s still in the PACU.”
“PACU?”
Nora asked.
“It the
Post Anesthesia Care Unit . . . the recovery room.”
“Are they
awake?” Viki asked anxiously.
“Mr.
Buchanan is, although he’s groggy. He’s mildly sedated and on a lot of pain
med.”
Viki’s
lower lip trembled. “Is Jessica in a lot of pain?”
“She is
not fully awake yet. Her surgery lasted a lot longer than her dad’s. She will
be experiencing quite a bit of discomfort when she wakes up,” The nurse gently
confirmed. “We’ll try to keep her as comfortable as possible. We’re waiting for
another bed to open up in the TICU.”
Another
nurse walked over. “Mr. Buchanan can have visitors now, one at a time, for five
minutes at a time.”
For a
moment, all of Clint’s family exchanged looks.
“Asa, you
go,” Viki offered.
Asa took
Viki’s hand in both of his. “You sure? I know my boy. He’ll be mighty happy to
see your face instead of this old mug of mine.”
Viki
smiled. “I think Clint will be very happy to see that old mug of yours. You
tell him I’ll be in to see him in a little while.”
Asa faced
the nurse. “Does Clint know that Jessie is . . .” Asa’s voice cracked with
emotion. “Does he know how badly she’s hurt?”
“Yes,” the
nurse answered. “He asked about her the moment he was able to and he asked us
to level with him.”
“That’s my
boy,” Asa said softly. He followed the nurse to where Clint was.
“Renee,”
Kevin began, “You think Grandpa’s holding up okay?”
Renee
nodded. “Darlin’ I think your grandpa has the strength to get through whatever
the Lord throws his way.”
“Can I get
anyone some coffee or something to eat?” Nora asked.
Everyone
shook his and her head. They all took a seat.
“How’s
Todd doing?” Bo asked. “I didn’t want to bring him up while Pa was around.”
Viki
sighed. “He had a very violent episode today.” Viki looked at her watch. She
realized that it was the next day. “Make that yesterday. He had to be heavily
sedated and restrained.”
“Did he
have a painful session?” Nora asked.
“No!”
Kevin said sharply. “A painful visit from Blair!”
“Kevin, we
don’t know that for sure.” Viki tried to be fair.
“Come on
Mom. Blair comes to visit and the next thing we know Todd’s freaking out all
over the place . . . demanding Téa leave . . . telling her he loves Blair and
not her . . .”
“He what?”
Nora interrupted.
“Yep.
Right after Blair left, Todd suddenly tells Téa that he wants to go back to
Blair and that he wants a divorce. Then the next thing we know Todd starts
screaming Téa’s name and breaking everything in sight, including some of the
staff.”
“Oh my
God!” Renee and Nora both exclaimed.
“Was
anyone hurt badly?” Bo asked.
“No, but
they were hurt enough to need a trip to the ER,” Kevin responded.
“Was Todd
still in restraints when you left?” Bo asked Viki and Kevin.
“No,” Viki
responded. “Actually, he was doing much better. He was quite rational. He was
upset because he couldn’t come to Arizona with me.” Viki’s voice broke. “Todd
loves Jessie very much. He wanted to be there for her and for me. Kevin was at
the hospital right before we left for the airport. Todd was sleeping
peacefully.” Viki looked toward Kevin to reaffirm what he had already told her.
“Yeah,”
Kevin licked his lips nervously. “He was sound asleep,” Kevin lied. He got up
and walked toward the doors that led to the small hallway that led to the TICU.
“I guess Dad is okay or we would have heard Asa bellowing.”
“Viki?”
Nora asked. “Téa is not actually going to agree to divorce Todd, is she?”
“No. At
least I pray not. She was very upset, and rightfully so, but I think once she
calms down, she will understand that Todd didn’t mean a word he said.”
Kevin
wanted to tell Viki that Téa had rushed over to the hospital the moment Timmy
needed her, but he couldn’t without letting her know Timmy was out.
“So Sam is
taking care of Todd?” Bo questioned.
“Yes. He
offered to come to Arizona with me, but I would not leave Todd without at least
one parent.”
“Do you
really think leaving Sam alone with Todd is such a good idea?” Nora blurted
out. “Oh, Viki, I’m sorry,” Nora immediately apologized as soon as she saw the
look on Viki’s face. “You know I care a great deal about Sam. It’s just that he
. . . he . . .”
“I think
what Red means,” Bo took over for a very flustered Nora, “is that Sam hasn’t
really been himself lately. Who knows? This might just be what Sam and Todd
both need . . . to be there for each other. It’ll probably do them both a world
o’ good.” Bo did not want to add to Viki’s worries.
“Sam loves
Todd with all his heart,” Viki defended him. “He’d die for that boy. Everything
Sam has done has been for Todd.”
Renee put
her arm around Viki. “Everyone knows that. Sam is the father Todd should have
had from the start. Todd might not have been my favorite person, but my heart
does go out to him and I’m happy he has someone like Sam to be there for him.”
Viki gave
Renee a gentle hug.
They all
jumped up when a doctor came toward them.
“Jessica
Buchanan’s family?”
“Yes. I’m
her mother and this is her brother, grandmother, uncle and aunt.”
“Jessica
is being moved to the TICU. We had to remove her spleen and repair a laceration
to her liver. She had an epidural hematoma. We evacuated the blood mass. We had
to put a chest tube in because one of her four broken ribs punctured her left
lung. Her left tibia and fibula were fractured. We had to place some screws in
her leg to hold the bones in place. She’s young. With some physical therapy she
should be fine. What concerns us most now is the chance of more bleeding,
infection, blood clots and intracranial pressure. Jessica is being monitored
for all of those.”
Kevin and
Bo winced at the mention of all of Jessica’s injuries.
“Is she
out of the woods?” Kevin asked.
“She’s
still critical. I’d be more comfortable saying yes to that if everything goes
as expected within the next seventy-two hours. We still have to watch out for
blood clots for the next couple of weeks.”
Renee
squeezed Viki’s hand.
“Does
Jessie know her boyfriend died?” Kevin asked in a trembling voice.
“Jessica
was very altered when she was brought in and then slipped into unconsciousness.
I can’t be sure, but I don’t think she realizes what has happened,” the doctor
answered.
Viki and
Kevin quickly glanced into each other’s eyes and nodded.
“If she
wants to know what happened, should we tell her? Is she strong enough to hear
it?” Kevin asked.
“Take your
cues from Jessica. I think she’ll let you know how much she wants to know. Keep
in mind that most likely she will not remember the accident itself. Jessica’s
short-term memory might have been affected. We won’t know anything until she
wakes up . . . even then, she’ll be sedated and receiving a lot of pain med.”
“We
understand,” Viki confirmed. A tear trickled down her cheek. “Please have
someone let us know the second we can see her.”
“It will
probably be another thirty minutes or so,” the doctor replied.
“Thank
you,” Viki said softly.
“Yeah,
thanks,” Kevin added.
After the
doctor left, Renee hugged Viki and Bo placed his arm around Kevin’s shoulder.
They offered silent support and comfort.
**********
“I swear
to ya Son, if that miserable drunken bastard that hit your car wasn’t already
dead, I’d kill him myself.”
Clint
moaned as he tried to move. “They’re tellin’ me the truth about Jessie . . .
she pulled through?”
Asa gently
placed his hand on Clint’s shoulder. “Take it easy Son. Jessica is a Buchanan.
You don’t think some low down sorry excuse for a human being who gets behind
the wheel of a car drunk as a skunk is gonna get our Jessie. Last I heard
they’re just waiting for a bed to open up and they’ll be bringing her right
here. Then we can all keep an eye on her. I’ve already got some of the best
nurses in Arizona lined up to give you and Jessie round the clock care. I’m
flying in the best doctors from around the world to check both of you out. You
don’t have to worry about a thing. Your Pa is gonna take care of everything.”
“You said
Viki and Kevin are here?” Clint asked. He grit his teeth from the pain any
slight movement caused him.
“Yes.
They’re here. Son, let me tell them to get you something for the pain. I can
see it’s bad.”
“No, not
yet, I need to talk to Viki before I get all doped up.”
“She cares
Clint. She flew all this way . . . even tore herself away from that crazy
brother of hers. Some good could come of this. Maybe this is your chance to put
your family back together.”
“Stop it
Pa. Viki is here for Jess. She has her own life now.”
“With Sam
Rappaport? Gimme a break. He’s even more of a loser than that Sloan Carpenter.
I think this just might be the wake up call Viki needs to figure out what she
lost. You play your cards right and I’ll betcha Viki gives Rappaport his
walking papers. Maybe he can take that psycho brother of hers with him.”
“Pa, don’t
you say crap like that to Viki. You hear me . . . oooommmm,” Clint moaned.
“Okay,
okay. Take it easy. I’m not gonna say anything to upset Viki. We got lots more
important things going on here than the likes of Sam Rappaport and Todd
Manning.” Asa looked up. “I see that nurse over there is giving me the evil
eye. I’ll tell Viki you want to see her next.” Asa squeezed Clint’s hand. “You
hang in there Son. Everything’s gonna be all right. Your pa’s here now and you
know that even the Grim Reaper knows he would have to get through me before I’d
let him take my kin.”
Clint
smiled. “I think he knew that
Asa patted
Clint’s shoulder. “I’ll go get Viki for you.” Asa took one more look at his
child before he left the room.
**********
Bo placed
his arm around Kevin’s shoulder. “Kev, I know you’re scared out of your mind,
but you pacing like a lion in a cage is not gonna help. Would you like to sit
down and talk to me?”
Kevin
sighed. He wanted to tell Bo that on top of all of this, he was worried sick
over Timmy and over keeping a secret from Viki. Kevin could guess Viki’s
reaction when she found out. “I think I need a cup of coffee or a soda or
something,” Kevin announced.
“I’ll get
it for you,” Bo offered.
“No!”
Kevin answered too sharply. In a softer tone he added, “I really need to get
out of here for few minutes and calm myself down. Tell mom I’ll be right back,
okay.”
“Sure, you
got it,” Bo promised.
Kevin
looked for the nearest payphone.
“Seven West, Marcia speaking,” the voice on
the phone said.
“Hi,
Marcia, it’s Kevin.”
“Kevin,
how are Jessica and Clint?”
“They’re
both in critical condition. They expect my dad to survive.” Kevin’s voice
broke. “They’re still not sure about Jessica.”
“Oh, God,
I’m sorry to hear that. Kevin, you and your family are in our prayers.”
“Thank
you. How is Todd doing? Is Timmy still out?”
Marcia
wasn’t sure if Susannah wanted Kevin to know that Sam wanted to take Timmy out
of the hospital and planned to try to take him out the next day, so she said
nothing about that. “Todd has been asleep for hours. We do believe it’s still
Timmy who’s out.”
Marcia
didn’t add that they knew this because Timmy had cried out, in his sleep, for Kevin,
Téa, and his mother several times. Each time Sam wore a pained expression.
Marcia and the rest of the staff hoped Sam was having a change of heart. Sam
had not said a word to anyone in hours. He would nod off for a few minutes and
then awake with a start and look at Timmy, as if he feared the little boy would
be gone.
“I’ll let
you guys know if there are any changes, if not, I’ll call in the morning. If
Timmy wakes up before you hear from me, please tell him that I will be calling
him.”
“I’ll make
sure to leave word for the morning shift, if Timmy is not awake by the time I
leave,” Marcia promised Kevin.
“Thanks .
. . bye,” Kevin hung up. He started back for the TICU waiting area.
“Your mom
just went in to see Clint,” Nora informed Kevin as soon as she saw him.
“Good,”
Kevin said softly. He sat down and stretched his legs in front of him.
***********
SECRETS
PAGE 2
Viki
stared at Clint for a few moments before she approached his bed. It killed her
to see him looking so hurt and defenseless. She walked over to him and
whispered, “Clint.”
Clint
opened his eyes. A small smile formed on his lips. “Viki.”
Viki took
Clint’s hand. She kissed him on the cheek. “I’m so happy that you’re going to
be all right.”
“Oh yeah.
Don’t worry about me.” Clint knew he would need months, possibly more than a
year of physical and occupational therapy before he would even be able to walk
on his own and do for himself, let alone be ‘all right.’ He didn’t want Viki
worrying about him, or even worse, pitying him.
“I hope
it’s all right for me to worry just a little,” Viki said with a loving smile on
her face.
“Maybe
just a little,” Clint agreed. His lower lip began to tremble. His eyes filled
with tears. “Jessie’s in a bad way. Viki, I’m so sorry.” The tears Clint tried
to hold back spilled down his cheeks. “Aaron’s car broke down. He and Jess
didn’t want to wait for the auto club, so she called me to pick them up. I let
our little girl get hurt. I’m so sorry.”
Viki
leaned into Clint and held him gently. He cried against her shoulder. “Don’t
you dare say you let Jessie get hurt. A man who cared so little about himself
and everyone else got drunk and chose to drive. He hurt Jessie. He hurt you.”
“And he
killed Aaron. He was a good kid. He loved our little Jessie. She loved him too.
They talked about getting married when they finished college. Oh God!” Clint
sobbed loudly. “Jessie will be devastated.”
Viki
stroked the back of Clint’s head. “We’ll help Jessie get through this.”
Clint
tried to breathe as deeply as his wounded body would allow. He pulled back
slowly and looked Viki in the eye. “We? Are you going to be staying here for a
while?”
Now it was
Viki’s eyes that filled with tears. “I can’t leave Todd for that long. We were
all talking on the way out here. We were hoping that when you and Jessie are
well enough to be moved you will come back to Llanview so you can be with your
family, at least until you recover.”
Clint was
shocked. He thought for a moment. “I know you want to be near Jess . . . uh . .
. I was going to ask you to have Jess transferred to a hospital or rehab in
Llanview. I won’t be in any shape to take care of her.” Clint held back another
sob. “Wouldn’t having me around make things a little awkward for you?”
Viki
squeezed Clint’s hand and looked into his eyes. “I don’t know how you feel, but
I still consider you my family. It’s never awkward to have my family close by.”
A young
doctor walked over to the bed before Clint had a chance to respond to Viki.
“We’re bringing your daughter in now. She’ll be in fifteen A. That’s the room
over there.” He pointed across the unit. “Mrs. Carpenter, as soon as they have
her settled in her bed, you can go to her.”
Viki was
about to ask the doctor something when she and Clint were both stunned into
silence at the sight of Jessica’s swollen, and bandaged face and head. They
could see some of the wounds. Part of her hair had been shaved off. A heavy
cast covered her leg. Various IV fluids and a bag of blood were hanging above
her. She was receiving oxygen.
Viki’s let
out an involuntary gasp. She raised her hand to her mouth.
Clint
buried his eyes in the palm of his hand.
A nurse
walked up to Clint and Viki. “I know it is very frightening to see your child
like that. Jessie was experiencing a lot of pain and she was becoming agitated.
Right now she’s sedated and reasonably comfortable. She will probably know that
you’re with her. If she becomes agitated again and starts to move around too
much we might have to place her in restraints. I don’t think it will be necessary,
but I need to prepare you, just in case.”
“Does she
know what happened?” Viki asked.
“She knows
she was in a car accident and that her dad was hurt, but that he’s doing okay,”
the nurse replied.
Viki
nodded. “Does she know about her boyfriend?”
“I don’t
think so. She did call out the name Aaron several times. Was that his name?”
Viki and
Clint both nodded. Neither could speak.
Viki
turned back to Clint. “I will get Jessie though this and when you are able, you
will help me.”
Clint
nodded again. He knew that Viki had more strength than anyone he had ever
known.
Viki sat
by Clint’s bed until they had Jessica settled. She saw that Clint had fought
sleep for as long as he could. He had drifted off. Viki carefully let go of his
hand. She rested it along side him.
Viki
wanted to hold Jessica so badly her arms felt like they were on fire. She could
not even find an area of her precious daughter’s body that was not bruised.
Viki tenderly brushed her fingers over the back of Jessica’s hand. “Oh, baby,
look what he did to you.” Viki felt tremendous hatred for the driver of the
other car. His death did not diminish her hatred at all.
Jessie’s
eyes fluttered open. “Mom?” she mouthed more than spoke.
“Yes,
Jessie. Yes, baby. It’s Mom. I’m here for you. Kevin, Grandma and Grandpa and
Bo and Nora are here for you too. Joey and Kelly should be here very soon.”
“It
hurts,” she whimpered. “It hurts all over.”
“I know
baby. I’ll call the nurse.”
“Wait . .
. Dad . . .” Jessica managed to whisper.
“Daddy is
fine. He’s right here, just a few rooms over. He is injured, but I swear to
you, he’ll be fine. Right now he’s worried about you.”
“Truth?”
Jessica managed to get out.
Viki held
onto the tips of Jessica’s fingers and looked her daughter in the eye. “Truth.”
Jessie
stared into Viki’s eyes. “Aaron’s dead, isn’t he?”
Viki bit
her lips together. She nodded. “Yes, baby. I’m so sorry.”
Tears
trickled down Jessica’s face. They burned the wounds that weren’t bad enough to
be bandaged. “Mommy,” Jessica cried.
Viki
hadn’t heard Jessica call her that in years.
“Mommy, I
loved him.”
“I know
you did. I’m so sorry. Mommy’s here. I’m here baby. I’ll help you get thought
all of this. Shhhh, Mommy’s here.”
***************
***************
Susannah
woke with a start. She felt Bill’s strong arms around her. She looked at her
watch and saw it was only six-fifteen in the morning. “Thank you for staying
with me last night,” she said softly, as they both remained cuddled together on
her office couch.
“Thank you
for allowing me to. Susannah, you’re not in this alone. Remember that. I’m here
for you, as much or as little as you want me to be. You need to be the strong
professional when you’re with Todd, his family and the staff. When you’re with
me, you can let that ache in your heart out. You don’t have to be Doctor Hanen.
You can just be Susannah . . . a woman who is allowed to feel pain and fear and
love for someone, even if that someone is her patient.”
Susannah
looked up at Bill. Her eyes filled with tears. “I’d closed off that part of me
for so long, before I met Todd, that I forgot how much it could hurt to just be
Susannah.”
Bill
kissed Susannah’s forehead. “Would you trade having known Todd for that closed
heart you used to have?”
Susannah
didn’t have to think about that for a second. She shook her head. “Todd has
helped me as much as I’ve helped him. He has taught me as much as I’ve taught
him. He’s without a doubt the bravest person I have ever known. He would never
believe how much he’s given to me and to the staff here. We all feel truly
blessed to know Todd and to have the chance to help him and hopefully help him
to live the kind of life he deserves to live.” A tear slid down Susannah’s
cheek, “if that chance doesn’t get taken away.”
*************
After
Susannah had taken a shower and changed her clothes, she headed for Todd’s
room. When she said good morning to the staff, she noticed the same fear and
sadness in their eyes that she felt in her heart. She asked if Sam was still in
with Todd.
“We
wouldn’t have been able to pry him away if we tried,”
Susannah
patted
“We think
Todd came out while Timmy was asleep. I did vitals on him when I came on shift
and he wasn’t holding Mr. Rabbit or sucking his thumb anymore. His body was
tight, even in sleep, and his face looked like Todd’s.”
“I hope
Miss Perkins will be able to cope with Timmy,” Susannah declared. “I suspect
that even inside he will be very upset.”
“Sam is
probably awake. I don’t think he got more than five minutes of sleep at a time
the entire night,”
“I’ll go
see,” Susannah said and left for Todd’s room.
***********
Todd was
still asleep when Susannah entered his room. Sam was ‘sitting guard’ at his
bedside. He was writing notes on a legal pad.
“Sam, may
I speak with you for a few minutes?” Susannah asked.
Sam looked
up at her with suspicion in his eyes. “I don’t think we have anything more to
discuss.”
“Please,”
Susannah asked again.
Sam looked
at Todd. He was satisfied that he was still sleeping. He walked over to Frank.
“I’ll be right outside. I’m leaving the door open. I’ll be able to see
everything that’s going on in here.”
“No
problem,” Frank said patiently. Frank couldn’t believe that Sam had become this
paranoid. His heart ached for how much Sam must be suffering, but his heart
ached more for Todd. Frank was as frightened for Todd as Susannah and the rest
of the staff.
**********
Sam stood
outside of Todd’s room with Susannah. He positioned himself so that he could
see into the room. “What is it?” he asked coldly.
“Sam, I
need to ask you again if you still plan on taking Todd out of here.”
“As
quickly as I can,” Sam answered.
“Do you
plan on taking him to another hospital?”
“Why, so
the Buchanans can pay off another staff?” Sam snapped.
“Sam, you
know there is a great chance that you’ll be placing Todd in a dangerous
situation if you do this. He’s still unstable. He needs to be in a protective
environment.”
“Todd will
have all the protection he needs. I’ll see to it. I’ll make sure no one and I
mean no one, including you, ever hurts Todd again,” Sam vowed.
“You know
that I’m going to request a hearing if you plan to go through with this. As
Todd’s doctor and advocate I need to do what I believe is in his best
interest.”
“You do
that. Remember that your hands aren’t clean Susannah. So you just do that.”
“Can you
tell me in which way my hands aren’t clean?” Susannah asked calmly. She had no
idea what Sam was talking about.
Sam
remembered Blair’s warning about not showing his hand too soon. He knew he had
no proof of any wrongdoing yet and he didn’t want Susannah to cover her tracks.
“Nothing. It means nothing other than you gave Todd some kind of drug that
caused Timmy to have that attack. You caused that boy terrible pain with your
treatment.”
“Would you
like me to explain again why that dystonic reaction happened?” Susannah asked
patiently.
“No. Look
Susannah, you do what you have to do. One way or the other, I’m going to save
Todd this time. You just keep away from him.” With that Sam left Susannah
standing there and went back into Todd’s room.
With her
stomach twisted in knots, Susannah went to call legal counsel for the hospital
back to let them know a hearing would be necessary.
***********
“Delgado,”
Todd cried out in his sleep. It was Todd who had come back while Timmy was asleep.
“Don’t you go, Delgado. Don’t you go!”
Sam shook
Todd gently. “Todd. Todd, it’s Sam. Wake up pal. You’re dreaming.”
Todd’s
eyes flew open. He looked around in an obvious panic. He was confused and
disoriented. “What . . . where . . . oh God . . . she left . . . she . . .”
Frank
cautiously approached Todd. He noticed that Sam looked at him with distrust in
his eyes. “Todd, it’s Frank. You’re in your bed in your room at the hospital.
Everything’s all right. You’re safe and Téa’s safe. She went home. Do you want
to see her?”
Todd’s
breathing slowed down a little. He looked around again. “Sam?” He seemed
surprised to see Sam there.
“I’m right
here Todd. I’ve been here all night. I won’t leave you.”
Todd
looked up at Frank. “I told Téa to go. When? A long time ago?” Todd looked
around in confusion again.
“That was
yesterday. Would you like Téa to visit with you?” Frank asked again.
“No!” Sam
answered for Todd. “He told her he wanted her out of his life. Leave him
alone.”
“Sam, Todd
needs to answer for himself,” Frank reminded him.
Slowly the
events of yesterday came back to Todd. “I made Delgado hate me. I made her want
to go away forever. I’m not her choice anymore. Kevin is.”
“No. Todd,
you didn’t make Téa hate you, not at all,” Frank told him immediately. “Téa
came back here last night. She loves you and cares very much about you.”
“Delgado
was here? She was here last night?”
“Yes. She
was here for a couple of hours.”
“Did I
hurt Kevin?”
“Kevin?”
Sam was confused. Yesterday seemed like a hundred years ago.
Todd ran
his hands through his hair. “I was with Kevin. I remember. I wanted to hurt him
so bad. Is that why Téa came back here? Did she want to be with Kevin because I
hurt him?”
“You
didn’t hurt Kevin. Todd,” Frank spoke gently, “Timmy, one of your alters, was
out. He wanted to see Téa.”
Todd’s
face turned red with shame. His chin and bottom lip quivered. “Is that the one
who’s four?”
“Yes,”
Frank confirmed.
A tear
slid down Todd’s cheek. “I wish I was dead,” he whispered.
“You did
nothing in front of Téa that would embarrass you. I promise you that. Would you
like Téa to come here and the two of you can discuss last night?”
“No! No!”
Todd panicked. He couldn’t bear the thought of facing Téa right now. Todd’s
eyes shifted back and forth as his mind raced. “No, I meant what I said
yesterday. Sam is right. I don’t want Delgado around here anymore. You
shouldn’t have called her last night. Next time you tell that Timmy or anyone
else who’s here that they better get used to being without Téa.”
“Téa cares
very much about you Todd. She loves every part of you and that includes Timmy.
He loves her an . . .”
“You shut
up about Téa! I don’t wanna talk about Téa anymore,” Todd commanded.”
“Okay. You
don’t have to talk about her right now,” Frank agreed. He knew Todd still
wasn’t ready.
Suddenly
the horror of what Viki told Todd came back to him. He grabbed Frank’s hand.
“Jess . . . what about Jess. She’s hurt . . . I remember. She’s hurt bad . . .
bad enough to die . . . did she? You tell me. You tell me the truth.”
“Kevin
called here about forty-five minutes ago,” Terry announced from the doorway.
She came into the room when she heard voices and knew that Todd was awake.
“Jessica made it through surgery and she made it through the night. They have
to watch her very carefully for the next couple of days. Viki didn’t want to
leave her bedside. She sends her love to both you and Sam.”
Todd
breathed a sigh of relief. “And the big dumb cowboy?” he asked begrudgingly. He
knew that Viki still cared very much about Clint.
“Clint is
okay too. Both he and Jessica have a long road ahead of them, but they both
made it through,” Terry answered.
“Yeah, I
figured Clint was too dumb to croak,” Todd quipped.
“Would you
like some breakfast?” Terry asked. “We can get you anything you’d like.”
Todd’s
stomach turned at the mention of food. He shook his head.
“Then it’s
time to have a feeding. You can . . .”
“I know. I
know,” Todd was clearly annoyed. “I can sit up in bed or go to the chair. “It’s
not fair that you get to give me that stuff whether I want it or not!”
“Todd, you
know that we will not allow you to starve yourself to death. You either eat or
you get these feedings. The choice is yours,” Terry said firmly.
“I can
pull this goddamn tube out if I want to,” Todd threatened.
“Yes you
can,” Terry admitted. “Then you would be in a lot of pain, risk infection, and
you would have to go through having the tube placed again. Do you think it
would be worth it?”
“Screw
you,” Todd grumbled. “I hate this place!”
Terry
ignored his remark. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Sam took
Todd’s last statement as a sign and an opportunity. He faced Frank. “I need to
speak with Todd alone.”
“I’m sorry
Sam. Todd can’t be in a room without at least one staff member,” Frank reminded
Sam again.
“I’m
asking as his lawyer, not as a visitor. He must have the right to speak with
his lawyer in private,” Sam insisted.
“We’re not
trying to infringe on Todd’s rights. We’re trying to keep him safe. I’ll go sit
in the corner and read my paper. That will give you and Todd as much privacy as
possible.”
Once Frank
was settled at the small table with his newspaper, Sam pulled his chair as
close to Todd’s bed as he could get it. “Boomer,” Sam whispered. “I know what
Blair told you. Now I want you to level with me. Do you want to go home?”
Todd
stared at Sam. He was in shock for the moment. Hearing Sam say it aloud caused
a lump to form in Todd’s stomach and throat. Fear filled his being.
“Answer
him Todd,” Saber instructed softly. “Or do you like Téa coming here and playing
with a four year old that she thinks is you?” Saber was able to feel the shame
and terror Todd was feeling. This encouraged him to go on. “You can’t keep Téa
away from every disgusting and dangerous thing you do as long as you’re here
and alive. You know no matter how many times you try to push her away and keep
her safe you will always want her back in your life. Over and over again, Todd,
you’ll subject her to danger. You’ll do the most stupid and embarrassing things
in front of her and not remember them, or even worse, you’ll hurt her like you
have so many times before and you will remember it. Do you like when those
memories come back to you Todd? Is that the life you want for Téa? Do you want
her to be stuck to someone like you forever? Do you want that for your kid?
What about Starr, Todd? Do you want her to be around you when some little kid
comes out instead of you?” Saber laughed. “Do you want Starr to be around when
I come out?”
“You son
of a bitch!” Todd spat out.
“I’m
sorry. Boomer, did I say something to get you angry?”
“What?”
Todd didn’t hear what Sam said.
Sam took
hold of Todd’s hands. They were as cold as his. In an almost inaudible whisper,
Sam asked, “If you don’t want to leave the hospital, tell me. Please, Boomer,
tell me now.”
“It’s the
only way Todd.” Saber spoke softly and calmly. “It’s the only way to free Téa
and keep her and Starr safe. It’s the only way to give Viki and Sam their life
back. It’s the only way to free the people who work here. They believe they can
help you. You know there’s no help for you Todd. This is your destiny. You
deserve everything that’s happening to you. No one can change that. Téa’s love
can’t change it. That doctor of yours can’t change it. This is what you were
born for Todd. Why do you think Irene kept Tina and gave you to the Mannings?
It was your fate. You were born bad and this is what has to be. No matter what
you or anyone does you can’t change that. All you can do is give them heartache
and bring them down with you. All of them Todd . . . all these good people that
you love and care about . . . all of them will suffer for your sins. For once
in your rotten life do the right thing. You feel love for them Todd. Be a man
and do what’s best for all of them, especially Téa and your daughter. Blair was
right. Téa already has feelings for Kevin. Let her be with someone who can give
her a normal life, the kind of life you want with her. You know you can never
give her that kind of life. As long as you’re alive, Téa and everyone else will
have hope that you’ll be okay. That will never happen. They’ll use up every
chance they have for a normal and happy life waiting for you. You’re cursed
Todd and you are a curse. Remember . . . Marty knew . . . she told you. ‘You’re
not a man. You’re a curse.’ Those you love will wait forever and they will
never be happy or safe with you. You know what it is to hope and pray every day
for something that will never be. Do you want that for everyone you love and
care about? Do you want them to wait, in danger, for something that will never
happen?”
“Yeah,”
Todd whispered to Sam.
“Yeah
what?” Sam wanted to be sure.
“Yeah I
want you to get me out of here. I want you to get me out of here right now.”
Todd didn’t look at Sam as he spoke. A part of him wanted Sam to tell him that
the deal was off and there was no way anyone could get him out right now.
Todd’s heart was pounding. He fought to keep the tears that threatened to
escape at bay. He hated that he was truly the wimp his father always told him
he was. [Sam must really believe that I’m such a loser. He knows that I
really deserved everything my dad did to me. That’s why he never took me home
with him or stopped my dad. That’s why he’s taking me out of here. He’s too
nice to tell me that he’s giving up on me. Sam wants to save everyone from me.
He knows my dad was right and that voice is right. Sam doesn’t wanna say it. He
knows I should be dead and he just doesn’t wanna say it], Todd thought
frantically.
That was
all Sam had to hear. “I will Boomer. It might not be today, but I’ll try. I
promise you that you can depend on me. I’ll never let you down again. I’ll
never let anyone hurt you again. I’ll keep you safe.”
“Yeah,”
Todd said. He felt a million miles away.
“Todd, there
has to be a hearing,” Sam explained. “They won’t let me take you out of here
without a hearing.”
“A
hearing?” Todd asked in a trembling voice.
“It’s
nothing to be afraid of. There won’t even be a judge unless you want one. An
officer of the court will ask you some questions. I’ll go over the kind of
questions that will be asked with you. The hearing officer will talk to me and
to Doctor Hanen and possibly some of the staff. Blair will probably be
questioned and if she can get your new doctor here or some of the new staff
that will take care of you once you get to the penthouse, they might be
questioned too.”
Todd’s
heart was not only pounding now, it began to race. He couldn’t bear the thought
of a new doctor and staff. “I don’t like being in court?” he protested feebly.
“It’s not
like the other times Boomer. I promise you. This time the hearing officer only
wants to do what’s best for you. There’ll be no punishment.”
Todd knew
his real punishment waiting for him. He knew it would be after he got back to
the penthouse that he would have to find a way to escape . . . escape and end
all of it . . . his suffering and the suffering of those he loved. Todd
suddenly felt panic wash over him. His head lowered for a moment.
“Don’t you
worry, Sam. You just get me to that hearing room and I’ll do fine. I’ll show
them that I don’t need to be here.”
Sam
squeezed his shoulder. “I know you will Boomer. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of
everything.” Sam was too wrapped up in his plan to ‘save’ Todd to notice the
cold, dead eyes of the man who had just said those last words to him.
“I know
you will Sam. It’ll be what I’ve always dreamed of. It’ll be like you’re my
real dad.” Saber saw Sam smile when he said that. [Asshole], Saber
chuckled to himself.
***********
[“Todd.
Todd where are you? Todd please answer me. Tooooooood,” Téa cried out over and
over again.
Téa was
back in that room she had never seen before. “Todd. Todd, if you’re here,
please, please answer me. Oh, Todd,” Téa cried. She felt all the hopes and dreams
she had for her life, for Todd’s life, and for their life together disappear.
“Please, let him be all right. Let me find him,” Téa prayed aloud.
“Help me,
Delgado, help me,” Téa heard Todd cry out. His voice didn’t seem to be coming
from anywhere in the room. It seemed to be in the air.
“TODD,”
Téa shouted. “Todd, where are you? Tell me how to find you. TODD! TODD!”
Téa felt
stabbing fear in her heart. She ran around, frantically searching. “TODD, WHERE
ARE YOU? CALL MY NAME AGAIN. TODD! TOOOOD!” Téa’s pleas were met with an
ominous silence. “Toooood,” Téa cried out one more time and fell to her knees
in grief. She bowed her head and cried into her hands. “No! I’m not giving up.
I’ll never give up on you,” Téa vowed as she raised her head. Téa gasped when
she saw Todd lying on the floor before her.
Todd was
obviously sick. He was deathly pale. He had lost some of the weight he had
gained back. His clothes were torn and stained. He was shivering, despite the
spring weather. He seemed to have trouble breathing.
“Todd! Oh
Todd,” Téa whispered. She touched his face. His skin was hot to her touch.
"Mi amor. I've prayed that I find you. I won't lose you to this. I love
you.”
Todd tried
to move. He was too weak.
“Don't pull away from me,” Téa said softly.
“Let me help you."
"I
tried Delgado. I tried. I wanted to make it up to her . . . to you . . . to
everyone . . . I thought if she could forgive me and love me then everyone else
could too. I miss her so much. I wanted to be with her . . . if she can forgive
me maybe it'll all be okay . . ."
"I'll
make it okay,” Téa emphasized the word I’ll. “Todd I'll make everything okay.
Please, querido, give me a chance. Give us a chance."
"No,
Delgado," Todd said weakly. "It'll never be okay for me here or for anyone
I love. There's no place or peace left for me here. I have to go be with
her." Todd gasped for breath.
Téa felt
his body shudder, then go limp in her arms. She felt no breath coming from his
body. She placed her ear on his chest. She heard no heartbeat. Todd's eyes
closed and his head fell to the side.
"NOOOOOOOOO!"
Téa shrieked.]
Now it was
Téa who was gasping for breath as she sat up in her bed. Her heart was racing
and pounding. She was covered with perspiration.
The dream
kept changing slightly. Things seemed to be added each time she dreamed it.
Each time it was more real and more terrifying than the last. Téa had no idea
why she’d been having this dream over and over again since that last night she
spent sleeping next to Todd in his hospital bed. What she did know was that the
feeling of doom she had would cling to her long after she woke up.
Téa looked
at the clock next to her bed. It was seven twenty. Ten more minutes and her
alarm would have gone off anyway. Téa felt a chill wash over her. She reached
for the bedside phone.
“Seven
West. Janet speaking,” the voice on the phone announced.
“Good
morning Janet. It’s Téa. Is Timmy still out?”
“Good
morning. No. Todd came back while Timmy was asleep.”
“Is he all
right?” Téa asked.
Janet heard
the anxiety in Téa’s voice. “Yes, he’s fine. Terry is giving him a feeding.”
Téa
silently thanked God. “Janet, please tell Doctor Hanen that I’ll be at the
court as soon as it is open for the day and I’m going to try to try to get
appointed Todd’s substitute guardian.”
“I will,”
Terry promised. “Téa, do you think you have a good chance at becoming Todd’s
substitute guardian?”
“I don’t
know,” Téa’s voice choked. “The fact that I chose to allow Viki to be his
guardian all this time and that fact that she is not here now to speak for
herself might be a problem.”
“We are
all hoping and praying that everything will work out in a way that’s best for
Todd,” Terry offered.
Téa
thanked her and said goodbye. She headed for the shower. Téa could not shake the
feeling of foreboding that clung to her, or chase away the fear in her heart.
***********
SECRETS
PAGE 3
“Send them
up,” Blair said into the house phone. The doorman had just announced that
Dorian had arrived with two other guests. Blair was relieved that Dorian had
gotten some of the staff there early. She wanted everything in place if Sam
called and told her the hearing would be scheduled for today.
“Good
morning,” Dorian called out cheerfully as she walked into the apartment. A
large woman and even larger man accompanied her. “Blair I’d like you to meet
Dorothy and Clayton. Dorothy is a very experienced RN. She and Clayton have
worked with the mentally ill for several years.”
Dorian
didn’t mention that Clayton’s experience was with violent teens at a juvie hall
in Philadelphia, and Dorothy’s only experience with the mentally ill was at a
prison hospital in Harrisburg. Dorian had warned both the nurse and tech not to
mention their former places of employment. She told them to tell Blair that she
hired them away from the California hospital Melinda was in. Dorian did caution
Dorothy and Clayton that Todd had many child alters and they needed tender
care. With the same breath, she told them her top priority was keeping Blair
safe and that meant keeping Todd under control. Both employees knew that no
matter what Blair or Sam said, they answered to Dorian.
“The rest
of the staff I hired should be here within the next day or two,” Dorian added.
Blair
stared at the man and woman. There was a hardness to them. For a moment, she
though of Frank. He was as large a man as Clayton, but there was a gentleness
to him . . . kindness shone through his eyes. Blair told herself that she
shouldn’t judge someone on appearance. “Would either of you like some breakfast
or some coffee?”
While they
were eating, Blair asked, “I don’t know how much Dorian has told you about
Todd. He’s very fragile right now. He’s been given a lot of drugs over the past
few months. They might be making him seem sicker than he really is. I believe
that Todd really does have DID. There are many child alters. Most of them are
as sweet as can be and . . .”
“Now don’t
you worry, Mrs. Manning. Your aunt filled us in,” Dorothy answered for both of
them. “We know just how to take care of Todd and anyone he turns into.”
Blair
forced a smile. Something about the way this woman answered didn’t set well
with Blair. Blair was about to ask her some more questions when her phone rang.
“Blair,
it’s Sam. I was just notified that a hearing has been scheduled for two o’clock
this afternoon. It’s Friday and Memorial Day Weekend. That probably worked out
for us. I don’t think the hospital wanted this hanging over their heads until
Tuesday.”
Blair’s
hand shook slightly as she held the phone. “Is Timmy still out?”
“No. Todd
came back and he wants this hearing. He wants to get out of here. He seems
pretty calm about the whole thing.”
Blair
breathed a sigh of relief. “I knew that bitch was wrong,” Blair muttered to
herself.
“What?”
“Sam, Téa
came here last night. She figured out that this is where you’re going to bring
Todd. She tried to tell me how we’d be placing Todd in danger if we did this.
She came on like Miss Innocent . . . pretending she only wanted what was best
for Todd . . . acting like she and Kevin weren’t screwing around behind Todd’s
back . . . like the Buchanans really care about Todd. We know better. We know
this is what Todd wants.”
“Yeah,”
Sam said softly. He prayed that he was doing the right thing for Todd. He
prayed that this would be his chance to help give Todd back some of what he
allowed to be taken away, all because he never heard Todd’s cries for help.
“Sam, are
you all right?” Blair asked.
Blair’s
voice brought Sam back to the present. “I’m fine. I need you to be here by
twelve thirty at the latest. We need to go over some of the questions you’ll be
asked. Did any of the staff show up?”
“Yes. A
nurse and a tech are here right now. Do you want me to bring them with me?”
“Yes.” Sam
paused for a moment. “What are they like? Do they seem . . .” Sam searched for
the right word. “Do they seem like the staff here?” Sam realized that he still
equated the staff that worked with Todd with excellence. Sam wondered just how
faulty his judgment had been about them. He wondered if he missed signs about
them the way he had missed signs about Peter. Sam wondered just how much
Susannah and the staff had hurt Todd.
“They seem
very nice and experienced,” Blair said without conviction. She was not
comfortable with these two. Unfortunately, right now she needed them. Blair
cursed herself for not meeting the staff Dorian chose before they were needed.
“Make sure
they’re up to speed and here with you by twelve thirty at the latest,” Sam
ordered.
“I know.
You already told me that,” Blair reminded him.
“Oh yeah,”
Sam really didn’t remember. “Okay, I’ll see you later.” Sam hung up and rushed
back to Todd’s room. He hated leaving him for even the time a short phone call
took.
**********
“Do you
have a headache?” Terry asked as she flushed Todd’s PEG tube. Even though
Todd’s eyes had been closed during the entire feeding, Terry could tell he was
awake. Now she noticed he was rubbing his rubbing his forehead.
Saber
hated experiencing the constant headaches that plagued him. He was sure that
Todd was responsible for them . . . Todd and most of the other alters. [Those
bastards are ruining my life], Saber thought to himself.
“What?”
Saber asked in an annoyed tone.
“Do you
have a headache?” Terry repeated.
“Yes!” His
voice was filled with agitation.
“Would you
like some medication for it?” Terry offered.
“Yes,”
Saber answered immediately. He wanted relief. Unlike Todd, he had no qualms
about taking medication. He did not believe the drugs were what was making Todd
ill. He also did not share Todd’s connection between taking medication and the
incident with Peter. Saber suddenly thought of something. “Will it make me
sleepy or doped up?”
“No,”
Terry replied. “It’ll just help your headache.” Terry looked closely at Todd.
His immediate willingness to take medication surprised her.
Saber
continued to keep his eyes closed.
“Is light
bothering you?” Terry asked.
“Yes,”
Saber responded. “So why don’t you shut them the fuck off, bring me the damn
medication, and then get the hell out.”
“You’re
being rude and that’s unacceptable,” Terry told him firmly. “I will do as you
ask though. You might be experiencing a migraine. Are you nauseous?”
“Yes,”
Saber answered though clenched teeth. He usually found the sound of the female
voice annoying, when his head hurt it felt like someone was stabbing a needle
though his eye.
“Would you
like some medication for the nausea as well?” Terry offered. “It might make you
a little sleepy, but not very.”
Saber
thought for a minute. “No. just bring me something for this fucking headache.”
“I’ll be
right back,” Terry promised and left.
**********
“Yes,
please send her right in,” Susannah said into the phone. The minute Susannah
saw Téa’s face; she knew things had not gone well. Susannah could see that Téa
had been crying.
Téa sat
down in one of the chairs facing Susannah’s desk. “The judge accepted my
petition for substitute guardianship, but he would not grant me immediate
substitute guardianship.” Téa’s lips and chin trembled. She bit her bottom lip
and took a deep breath through her nose, to try to gain control of her
emotions. “It’s my fault. I was afraid that the fact that I was not Todd’s
guardian all this time would work against me. I had to admit that I didn’t feel
I was the best one to be making decisions for Todd at the time he was first
hospitalized. It was also Sam. This judge knows of Sam’s reputation. I don’t
think he believed that Sam was not a fit guardian.” Téa laughed a sick sounding
laugh. “It was like an ‘old boy’s network’ kind of thing. I was so tempted to
call Viki. I knew I couldn’t do that to her. I would be torturing her if I
asked her to choose between Jessica and Todd. There will be a court hearing,
but it won’t be several days at least. The Memorial Day Weekend is coming up.
It might possibly be a week or more. God only knows what could happen to Todd
in a week if Blair and Sam take him out of here. Maybe we should call Viki?”
Despite
her own panic and feelings of dread Susannah fought to maintain her
professional persona. She moved from behind her desk to the chair next to
Téa’s. She took her hand. “It’s not your fault. You did what was best for Todd
when he was first hospitalized and you’re still trying to do what’s best for
him.”
“Did I?
Did I?” Téa asked. “Or did I do what was best for me back then? It was right
after Todd took all of us hostage. I was still filled with so much anger at the
time. I wasn’t sure that I would still be there for Todd as his wife, let alone
his guardian.”
“You were
confused about your feelings,” Susannah restated.
“Yes,” Téa
wiped away a tear and admitted.
“And you
knew that Viki’s feelings for Todd were clear and would not get in the way of
any decision she made,” Susannah stated.
“Yes,” Téa
confirmed. Her voice was barely audible.
“So,
despite your confused feelings, you were able to do what was best for Todd at
the time. Sometimes realizing you’re not in the best mind frame to make
decisions, especially for someone else, and allowing someone who is to do it is
what’s best.”
Téa closed
her eyes as tears trickled out from behind the closed lids. “I don’t know. Was
it even fair to Viki to place all the decision making on her? Look at what she
has had to decide over these past months. I still don’t know if I would be
strong enough to do it.”
Susannah
squeezed Téa’s hand. “From what I know about you, you are strong enough to
handle whatever comes your way.”
Téa looked
into Susannah’s eyes. “I used to ask myself why I stayed with Todd, and even
more why I always came back to him. I wondered if it was some kind of weakness
in me. Was I acting like the stereotypical abused wife . . . any tiny promise
from Todd that things could be better and there I was, back in his life? I
would tell myself that I deserved better than what Todd could give me. I still
felt that way when Todd was first hospitalized. I was so tired. Loving Todd was
easy for me. My God, even at his worst, there was so much to love. It was
living with him and trying to get him to human up and believe that I loved him
that was the hard part. It took every bit of strength and energy I had to keep
going.” Téa swallowed hard and took a deep breath.
“Have
those feelings changed?” Susannah asked.
Téa nodded
and smiled sadly. “Todd still does not make it easy or any less exhausting.
Sometimes he still makes me feel like no matter how much I love him, show him I
love, and tell him I love him, it’ll never be enough to get through to him. The
difference is most of the time I believe with all my heart that it will.
Someday it will happen. Todd will not just feel my love for a fleeting moment.
He’ll find his way to the center of that love and it will encapsulate him the
way Goodone’s arms do. Todd will feel my love the way I’m able to feel his. I
know most people think I’m staying with Todd because he’s ill or . . .” Téa
laughed . . . “because I’m a glutton for punishment or a masochistic. I wonder
how many would understand how much I got and am still getting from Todd. What
most people are able to give so easily, like trust, is a special gift when Todd
gives it. To be on the receiving end of Todd’s trust is . . . is . . . I don’t
even know how to describe it. It’s like a wild and injured lion giving you his
paw and trusting you not to hurt him. Now I can see that Todd, even all the
times he pushes me away, is showing me his way of trust. Even though there is
that part of him that believes the moment I’m out of his sight I’ll be gone
forever, another part of him trusts that I can see through all his tricks and
love him and stick by him no matter what. I think the only other person he
trusts that way is Viki. I would try to scale the walls Todd put up over and
over again. I was shot down time and time again, yet, every once in a while
Todd let me climb over those walls.”
Téa
laughed softly. “He would let me into that place that he kept hidden from
everyone else and it made me feel like I’d made it to the top of Everest.
Getting to that place in Todd felt like nothing else I had ever known. It was a
high. It was satisfying in a way I had never been satisfied before.” Téa’s eyes
welled with tears. “It was only during those first couple of months that Todd
was hospitalized, and I stayed away from him, that I realized just how intimate
Todd had been with me when he let me into the darkest places in his soul. It
was then that I realized that Todd, in his own way, was giving me much of the
satisfaction that I kept asking for.”
Susannah
gave Téa silent support. She knew she needed to get this out.
Téa
smiled. “Respect is another gift Todd has given me. You know that Todd does not
respect many people. He made it clear that he respected me from the beginning.
He respected me because of whom I was, not because of my profession. I always
knew I was a good lawyer and I felt respected for my skills. I never felt
respected for being Téa . . . Téa, the janitor’s daughter . . . living in a
dark basement while everyone lived above me, in light. Todd probably still
doesn’t believe it, but it was not his money or his penthouse apartment that
made my world light and made me feel like now I lived above everyone that ever
put me down. It was his respect.”
“So you’re
saying that your relationship with Todd is far from one sided, with you being
the only one doing the giving?” Susannah stated.
This time
Téa’s smile was broader. “Oh yes. Todd is always telling me that I see the good
in him. He believes that he can be the kind of person he wants to be because I
see him that way. He does the same for me. How can I ever get him to believe
that? Todd once told me that I deserve all the things his money could give me.
It was the way he looked at me when he said that. I could tell he really
believed it. It was the first time I ever believed it too. Todd makes me feel
whole. He excites me like no one I have ever known. Is it what people call
chemistry? Is it that we’re soul mates? I don’t know. It’s as if we’re on this
amazing emotional ride together. Todd touches something deep inside me. I touch
something deep inside him, and on and on we go. Loving Todd and having him love
me never loses its thrill or excitement. It never stagnates. The ride keeps
changing and every change brings more excitement and unpredictability with it.
When Todd walks into a room I’m in, it’s . . . it’s as if the air changes. My
skin prickles. God, was I too close to what was going on when Todd and I were
living together to be able to see and feel the truth. I kept thinking that I
needed more to be complete. Ever since my mother left . . . even before that
because she was so unhappy in her marriage and with her family . . . there had
been this emptiness in me . . . a void . . . this feeling that I was
incomplete. No matter what I did or whom I was with, I never felt whole. Why
couldn’t I see then that Todd made me feel whole for the first time in my
life?”
“You
probably were too close,” Susannah concurred. “It was the distance you gave
yourself when you temporarily stepped out of Todd’s life that gave you a truer
perspective of what you need and allowed you to see that Todd did satisfy much
of those needs.”
Téa
slapped herself in the forehead. “What an idiot. I thought Todd had to prove he
loved me by having sex with me. I could not let go of it. God, I wish I could
have known at the beginning what I know now. I wish I could have known about
what drove Todd and what drove me and what was most important in life.”
Téa
blushed. “You know, it didn’t even have anything to do with physical
gratification. I mean if that was all there was to it, there were easier ways.
I realize that it had to do with how I felt about myself before I ever even met
Todd.” Téa looked down at the floor. “You know. I’ve discussed this with you
before. It had to do with my belief that, outside of work, I had little to
offer other than being a good sexual partner. I confused sex with love,
intimacy and respect. It wasn’t until I realized that Todd showed me more love
and respect than any man I’d ever had sex with that I began to truly respect
myself . . . me, the woman, not just Téa Delgado the attorney. It’s not that I
don’t still want physical intimacy . . . I do. The problem was I didn’t realize
that Todd was being intimate with me all along. It was as I just explained.
Todd stood before me emotionally naked and let me see his wounds. He told me
things about his childhood. He shared some of the terror he felt with me. He
let me in that much . . . that much . . . and now I failed him. When he needed
me the most, I failed him.” Téa broke down. She began sobbing.
Susannah
wrapped her arms around the distraught young woman and held her tightly. She
understood how Téa felt. Susannah knew if she could not keep Todd safe, she
would feel she was failing him as well.
**************
“Boomer,
are you all right with this?” Sam was surprised that Todd remained so calm when
he told him the kind of questions he would probably be asked.
Saber was
feeling much better. The medication and long nap helped. His headache was gone
for now. “I understand. No problem. Hey Sam,” Saber said in his best Todd
imitation. “We always made a good team. Just like when you let us help you
drive. You’ll make sure to do your very best lawyering and get me out of here,
right?” Saber knew just how to play Sam.
“You bet I
will Boomer. You just be honest with the hearing officer and remember the
things I told you. I know I failed you before. I let that sorry excuse you had
for a father hurt you. I swear, Boomer, I’ll make it up to you. I’ll make it
all up to you.”
Saber did
his best to hide the hatred he felt for Sam. He hated him for what he just said
about Peter, he hated him for caring about Todd and he hated him for not
helping Todd. Sam could not win in Saber’s eyes.
Jeff
stepped into Todd’s room. “Sam, Blair is here to see you.”
Sam looked
toward the door. He wanted to speak with Blair privately. At the same time, he
didn’t want to leave Todd. Sam feared the staff would use these last few hours
with Todd to finish him off.
Saber read
Sam like a book. “I’m okay. You go talk to Blair. You make sure she doesn’t
screw this up for me.”
Sam stared
at Todd. Even Sam realized that he seemed much too calm about this. “Boomer.
Don’t worry about Blair. She wants you home as much as I do.”
“Blair
thinks with her cunt. You just make sure that she realizes that she has to use
her brains this time.”
Sam was
taken aback. He’d never heard Todd talk that way about Blair or any woman.
Saber saw
Sam’s surprised expression. “Sorry. Sam, I’m just scared. I didn’t mean that.”
Saber tried to sound and look anxious.”
Sam patted
Saber’s knee. “It’s okay pal. I know. Everything will be all right. I swear to
you. I’m going to make up for everything I let happen to you.”
“I know
you will. You’ll be the dad I’ve always wanted,” Saber looked into Sam’s eyes,
and then quickly looked away. He knew that even he could not fake a look of
love.
“So I’m
going to go talk to Blair. I’ll be right outside. You yell if there is any
problem. Any problem at all,” Sam instructed.
“I will,”
Saber promised.
***********
Susannah
was walking down the hallway from her office when she saw Terry.
“Terry,”
Susannah began. “There will be a hearing today at two. I spoke with the
hospital’s legal department and they insisted it be today. I tried to buy Todd
another few days here. I hoped that we might be able to contact Viki by then.
The legal department doesn’t want to wait until after the holiday. I would like
you and Frank to attend. You’ve both been with Todd from the beginning and . .
.” Susannah’s voice broke.
Terry
recognized Susannah’s pain. She and other staff members had been doing all they
could to keep it together themselves, ever since they found out Sam was going
to try to take Todd out of the hospital. They were fully aware of what it took
to keep Todd safe and they were all terrified for him. It broke their hearts to
think that the progress Todd had been making might be disrupted. They all hoped
and prayed that at the last minute, Sam would not go though with this, or if he
did, the hearing officer would decide that Todd’s best interests were served by
keeping him in the hospital. If Sam succeeded in getting Todd out, they prayed
even more that he would find a staff that would maintain the level of care that
Todd was getting. Like Susannah, the staff tried with all their might to keep
their personal feelings at bay.
“We’ll be
there,” Terry assured Susannah. “There’s something else. Something’s either
going on with Todd or there’s an alter out pretending to be Todd.”
“Does he
seem like Pete? Pete has acted as an imposter alter at times,” Susannah
remembered.
“No. I
don’t think it’s Pete. Pete has seemed much more vulnerable the last few times
he’s been out. I was thinking Saber, but the attitude didn’t quite fit. Saber
usually likes to make sure all of us know that he’s in control and that he’s a
threat. Todd or this alter had a headache, most likely a migraine. He agreed to
take medication for it without a moment’s hesitation.”
Susannah
thought for a moment. “Well, as far as we know, Saber has no fear of taking
meds. Did you see his eyes?”
“No. They
were closed during the feeding and afterward because of the headache he was experiencing.”
“Saber is
very clever and devious,” Susannah stated. “If he thought it was in his best
interest to try to act like Todd and keep his gloating and threats to himself,
he’d do it. I’ll go in and try to speak with him, if he’s awake.”
**********
Todd, or
whoever was out, was sound asleep when Susannah got to Todd’s room.
As soon as
Sam saw Susannah, he went to the door. He did not want her anywhere near Todd.
“Sam, do
you really want to put Todd through that hearing?” Susannah tried one last
time.
“Todd is
fine with it. I told him about it this morning and he wants me to do whatever I
have to do to get him out of here. What did you do, change or lower his
medication? He seems calmer and much more together.” Sam’s tone was accusatory,
despite Todd’s seemingly improved state.
Susannah
understood what Sam was implying. “Todd is receiving the same meds that he’s
been getting for the past couple of months. Sam. I understand that you’ve lost
trust in me and the staff here. I would have no problem with you bringing in
another doctor or as many doctors as you want for a second, third or fourth
opinion. With your permission, they can look into any and all of Todd’s
records. Would you be willing to do that instead of taking Todd out of the
hospital?”
Susannah
could see Sam was thinking about it for a minute. She felt a smidgen of hope
until she saw the look in Sam’s eyes when he looked into hers.
“You
really think that I’ve become so far gone that I’ll let you manipulate me into
letting you continue to hurt Todd. Peter Manning was good at that too. That
night I walked in on Pete strangling Peter, Peter was able to con me into
thinking it was just a case of a teenager rebelling against a father’s
discipline. I thought I could always trust that wonderful judgment of mine.
Look how many more years Todd spent being tortured because I believed that. NO
MORE! I’m in charge of what happens to Todd now. As long as I’m in charge I
know he’ll be safe.” Sam once again turned his back on Susannah and went back into
Todd’s room.
**********
Saber
looked around. He had never been in the conference room before. He sat next to
Sam. Blair sat behind them with two people he had never seen before. Saber
spotted Dorothy and Clayton for exactly what they were. He smirked. [Todd’s
going to freak when he sees those two], he thought to himself. Frank and
Jeff sat a few seats away from Todd on either side, in case Todd escalated.
Susannah, Terry, Téa and a man Saber had never seen before sat on the other
side of the conference table. He assumed correctly that the man was an attorney
for the hospital. Susannah had known that the hospital and the hearing officer
would have had a problem with Téa acting as counsel. A heavyset man in his
fifties sat opposite all of them. His bushy eyebrows and thick graying hair
gave him a stern, no nonsense look.
“Good
afternoon. My name is Wesley Berman. Mr. Manning.
Before we
proceed, do you understand that I am not a judge? I am a mental health review
officer.”
“Yes,”
Saber answered. He looked straight ahead. He avoided looking into the eyes of
anyone but Sam, Blair and the hearing officer. Saber knew that Téa, Susannah
and the staff would be more likely to know he was out and not Todd.
“Are you
aware that you can wait and have a judge hear this case?”
“Yes,”
Saber answered again. “I don’t want to wait. I want you to make the decision.”
Wesley
Berman was pleased that this young man sounded calm and rational.
“Mr.
Manning, do you understand the purpose of this hearing?”
“Yes I do.
It is to determine if I can leave the hospital and live with Sam and Blair at
my apartment. I understand that Sam would be my guardian and he would be making
legal, financial and medical decisions for me.”
“Very
well, we shall proceed. We’ll start with the petitioner.”
Susannah,
Téa, Terry and Frank were all sworn in at the same time.
The
hospital counsel questioned Susannah first.
“Doctor
Hanen, you believe that it would not be in the best interest of Todd Manning if
he were to leave the hospital. Why is that?”
“Todd has
made tremendous progress since he’s been a patient here. He’s worked very hard
and he has faced his illness with strength and bravery that I have never seen
the likes of,” Susannah began. “Unfortunately Todd still has suicidal impulses.
He still has assaultive behavior problems. He has compliance problems with
medication and an eating disorder. I believe that at this time Todd would still
be a danger to himself and to others.”
“Do you
believe that Todd is currently suicidal?”
“Yes I do.
He still presents with suicidal ideation. Todd also has alters that believe
they will not die if Todd does and one of them in particular has stated on
several occasions that his plan is to kill Todd.”
Saber
fought to keep himself from laughing.
“Do you
believe that Todd is a currently a danger to others?” the hospital counsel
asked.
“Yes. Todd
is trying very hard to gain control. For the most part, he is doing very well.
There are still times when he loses control and strikes out. Just such an
incident happened yesterday and several staff members were hurt severely enough
to require medical treatment. Todd also caused a minor injury to himself.”
Sam had no
questions. He had planned to bring out the connection between Susannah and the
Buchanans and question the ethics of Susannah being Todd’s doctor in the first
place. Sam couldn’t do it. He believed that, at least at the beginning,
Susannah did try her best to do right by Todd. Sam was also encouraged by the
way Todd was handling all of this. Sam knew if Todd continued the way he had
when Sam was preparing him for the hearing, he would be his own best witness.
He would get out.
Terry and
Frank testified next. They described the incident that sent Eileen and Angelo
to the ER and injured Geri’s arm. They talked some about the level of care Todd
was receiving on this unit.
Todd was
sworn in next. Saber calmly stated that he was Todd Manning and promised to
tell the truth.
Sam looked
disheveled as he questioned Todd. “Todd, why do you want to leave the hospital?”
“I believe
I will do better if the rest of my recovery is handled away from the hospital.
I need to be in my own home. I’m not getting my life back as long as I’m locked
away in a hospital.”
“You
allege that you are getting improper care here. Can you explain this?”
“I believe
that I’m being overmedicated,” Saber spoke calmly and with assurance. “The
medications are making it difficult for me to think straight and concentrate.
They make me sleepy and tired all the time and that makes me feel even more
anxious and out of control.”
“Have you
discussed this with Doctor Hanen or the staff here?”
“I’ve told
them that I don’t want to take so much medication and that I believe it’s
making me worse.”
Susannah
testified again. She explained the purpose for all of the medications that Todd
was receiving. Susannah knew something was wrong. This was not Todd. There was
no way that Todd would be handling this so calmly. Susannah had no way to prove
that this wasn’t Todd. She also knew that.
“Todd,”
Sam began again. “It has been stated here that you have an eating disorder and
that you either can’t or won’t eat enough to keep yourself healthy. Do you
agree with this?”
“It’s not
that I don’t want to eat. Being here makes me feel very sad and depressed. I
have no appetite. I understand that my body needs nutrition and I’m very
grateful to have a feeding tube until I can get my appetite back and eat enough
on my own.”
Frank,
Terry, Jeff, Susannah and Téa exchanged quick glances. Now they all knew with
certainty that this was not Todd. They were even more terrified than they had
been.
The
hearing officer had a question for Todd. “Mr. Manning, do you agree that you
suffer from depression, psychosis, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociative
Identity Disorder, anxiety disorder, eating disorder and Epilepsy?”
“Yes. I
know that I am quite ill. I also know that Doctor Hanen is right. I have made
progress. I’m grateful to her and to the staff for their help. I feel that at
this point in my treatment I will do better in my home environment.”
Wesley
Berman was quite satisfied with Saber’s answer.
Sam was
beginning to wonder if this was Todd. Saber never crossed his mind. He thought
perhaps it was an alter he never met who surfaced to help Todd out.
Sam
testified. He was much more visibly nervous than Saber.
Sam
explained the way things would go if they took Todd back to the penthouse. He
told the hearing officer that Todd would be willing to accept mandatory
outpatient therapy and that he would make sure Todd received it. Sam knew he
had no proof against Susannah or the staff and he could not make accusations
against them. If things went against him the best he could do was call in
another doctor and have Todd checked out and his medical records investigated.
Sam questioned
Blair next. She said that she was willing to swear that Todd would still
receive the very best medical and psychiatric care. She produced the invoices
and paid bills for all the work she had done on the apartment to make it a safe
environment for Todd. She introduced the two staff members she brought with her
and produced faxes from the psychiatrist and some of the other staff members
Dorian hired. They all promised that they’d arrive within the next day or two.
Looks of
panic crossed Téa, Susannah, Terry, Jeff, and Frank’s face when they realized
what kind of care Todd would be getting. Unfortunately, Dorothy and Clayton
told the hearing officer the same lie they told Blair and Sam. They knew that
this officer of the court would not bother to check their credentials. Dorian
had also promised that she would have work records faked for them, if it became
necessary.
If the
decision looked like it was going to go against them, Blair was ready to
produce Susannah’s bank records and even though Sam told her not to bother
bringing them, Blair had the pictures of Téa and Kevin with her. A part of her
was dying to have them made public.
The
hospital’s counsel questioned Téa next. “Mrs. Manning. Do you believe that Todd
is ready to leave the hospital under Mr. Rappaport’s guardianship?”
“No I
don’t. I fear for Todd’s physical and emotional well being. The progress Todd
has made here is nothing short of a miracle. Todd has bonded with the staff
here. Trust is very difficult for Todd and I do believe he has come to trust
Doctor Hanen and the staff. I fear a serious set back if Todd’s treatment here
is disrupted.”
“Do you
believe Todd is a danger to himself and others?”
“At times
he is, yes. I think that Todd can do serious damage to himself and others.” Téa
hated to have to say that. She hated that it was true. She prayed that Todd did
not hear her from inside. Téa looked at the man who looked like her husband. He
quickly averted his eyes when he saw her eyes meet his. She wanted to shout out
that this was not Todd.
“Mrs.
Manning,” the attorney for the hospital continued. “I understanding that you
have filed a petition to become Todd’s substitute guardian.”
“Yes. I
believe that Mr. Rappaport loves Todd with all his heart and wants to do what’s
best for him. However, Mr. Rappaport’s judgment might not be keen right now.
Mr. Rappaport is also charged with assault and attempted murder for attacking a
prison guard. He will most likely have to go to trial on these charges.”
Téa
quickly glanced in Todd’s direction again to see what discovering this would do
to him. His eyes were still cast downward and his face gave no clue to what he
was feeling.
Téa’s last
statement had shocked Saber. He had no idea. He couldn’t wait to make sure Todd
knew this. He knew how much it would upset him. Outwardly, Saber showed no
emotion.
Téa
continued. “Todd’s sister, Viki Carpenter, asked the court to give Mr.
Rappaport co-guardianship. She wanted to make sure Todd would have a guardian
should something happen to her. Mrs. Carpenter left for Arizona last night. Her
daughter and her ex-husband were critically injured in a car accident. Mrs.
Carpenter has no idea that Mr. Rappaport wants to take her brother out of the
hospital. Mrs. Carpenter has stated many times, in my presence, that she
believes Todd is getting the best care here and she wants him to remain on this
unit, under Doctor Hanen’s care. I agree completely with this. I fear for
Todd’s progress and life should he be allowed to leave this hospital.”
“Has Mrs.
Carpenter been contacted and told about this hearing?” Mr. Berman asked.
“No,” Téa
admitted. “Mrs. Carpenter’s son, Kevin Buchanan, requested that we do not
contact his mother with this news. All of us, including Mr. Rappaport agree.
Mrs. Carpenter would be placed in a very difficult position of having to choose
between her critically injured child and her ill brother. None of us want to do
that to her. I am pleading with you to keep Todd here, where he will be safe
and get the best treatment available, at least until Todd’s sister can come
back and be a part of this decision.”
“Mrs.
Manning,” the hearing officer addressed Téa. “You are Mr. Manning’s wife. While
I do appreciate your opinion and I will take your words under consideration, at
this time you are not Todd’s legal guardian and therefore you are not in a
position to make any decisions for him.”
Blair
smirked in Téa’s direction.
It was
Sam’s turn to question Téa and again he declined. Sam was feeling dizzy and
disconnected. He never wanted Todd to find out about what happened with Garret.
Sam felt even more distrust toward Téa for bringing it up.
“Mr.
Manning,” Wesley Berman addressed Todd again. “Are you having thoughts of
suicide or thoughts of harming yourself in any way?”
Saber
pretended to think for a few moments. He already rehearsed this answer in his
head. “There have been times when I have thought that it would be easier to end
it all. Then I think about what that would do to my daughter and to all the
people who care about me and I know I could never go though with it. I have
agreed to a no suicide contract. I promised to tell someone if I had any ideas
about harming myself. Even if I’m not an inpatient in this hospital, I have
every intention of continuing to honor that contract and tell Sam or Blair or
the staff they’ve hired that I’m having dangerous thoughts. I have learned to
ask for help.”
Even Blair
eyed Todd suspiciously. It finally dawned on her that Todd was either putting
on a good act or this was an alter.
Wesley
Berman had no basis for comparison. For all he knew, this was Todd Manning. “So
you fully intend to continue therapy if you are allowed out of the hospital?”
he asked Todd.
“Absolutely.
I feel that I’ve come a long way. I want to get all the way back and get my
life back. I want to be a father to my daughter and run my newspaper. I’m the
publisher of [the Sun].”
“Yes, I’m
aware of that,” Wesley Berman acknowledged. “Will you comply with taking any
medication your doctor believes you need?”
“Yes. I’m
hoping my new doctor will review my medications and switch me to something that
doesn’t make me feel as bad. If he agrees that these are the medications I need
to take, I will continue taking them.”
“Mr.
Manning, Mr. Rappaport has testified that you are you willing to sign a contract
stating that you will comply with mandatory outpatient psychiatric care and
comply with whatever medication your doctor prescribes. Are you willing to
agree to and sign such a contract?”
“Yes. I
want to get well. I want that more than anything.” Saber gave Wesley Berman his
most sincere look.
“I have
one more question for you. Do you remember losing control and injuring several
staff members yesterday?”
“Yes I do.
I’m very sorry that happened. I know I still have some control issues. I can’t
promise that I won’t lose control again. I can promise that I will do my very
best to utilize the coping skills I was taught and that I will tell someone if
I feel that I’m losing control.”
Wesley
Berman didn’t have to ponder for too long. “Doctor Hanen. I do appreciate your
concern given Mr. Mannings past behavior and serious illnesses. However, Mr.
Manning is presenting as calm and reasonable. He has a good understanding of
his illnesses and he has agreed to mandatory outpatient therapy. He has agreed
to comply with taking his medication. I see no compelling reason to keep Mr.
Manning on a locked psychiatric unit at this time.”
Téa
whispered to the hospital counsel. He shook his head, obviously refusing her
request. “Mr. Berman,” Téa spoke up on her own. She knew it would be useless,
but she had to try. “Doctor Hanen, the rest of the staff that’s here and I have
reason to believe that Todd Manning has not been at this hearing. We believe
this is an alter, and as such cannot speak or make any promises for Todd Manning.”
Wesley
Berman studied Saber for a moment and then addressed him. “Do you remember that
you are under oath?”
“Yes,”
Saber answered.
“Are you
Todd Manning or are you a part of Todd Manning?”
“I am Todd
Manning. I know I have alters and I can understand Téa, Doctor Hanen and the
staff members wondering if an alter has come out. I don’t know how to prove it,
so I’m hoping you will take my word for it. I am Todd Manning,” Saber lied
easily.
“I do take
your word for it young man and I trust Mr. Rappaport’s judgment. Todd Manning,
I’m agreeing to your request to leave the hospital. You will live at your
apartment with Mr. Rappaport and Blair Manning. Mr. Rappaport will continue to
make legal, financial and medical decisions on your behalf until such time as
your sister is able to resume her responsibilities as your guardian or until
such time as another guardian is appointed for you by the courts. You will be
further supervised by the psychiatric staff Blair Manning and Sam Rappaport
have hired. You will attend as many outpatient sessions a week as your
psychiatrist recommends. You will comply with any prescribed medication. Your
psychiatrist will send a weekly report to the courts. Are you clear on all of
this?”
Tears
trickled down Téa’s cheeks. Susannah’s nails cut into her palms as she
maintained her professional demeanor. Terry bit her lip to keep from crying.
Frank and Jeff felt like punching a hole though the wall.
Blair did
all she could to keep herself from jumping for joy. As it was, she could not
wipe the smile off her face. Sam sat staring. He felt numb.
“Yes, sir.
I am very clear about all of it and I promise that I will do everything I can
to get well,” Saber used his sincerest tone.
“Good luck
to you young man. You have many people here who care a great deal about you. I
believe with hard work and the kind of attitude you have that you will recover.
Now I need you, Mr. Rappaport and Ms. Manning to sign some papers.”
Téa pulled
Susannah off to the side. “He just signed Todd’s death warrant. How could he do
that! How could he not know this is an alter. Oh my God! Do you think it’s
Saber? Maybe we should call Viki?”
“I didn’t
want to upset you before the hearing,” Susannah told Téa. “Kevin called around
noon. I was going to tell him what was going on and let him decide if Viki
should hear about it or not. Before I had the chance, Kevin told me Jessica had
to have some additional surgery. She started bleeding again. They’re hopeful
that she will pull through, but it’s still touch and go. Kevin sounded very
distraught. He was relieved that Timmy was no longer out. I didn’t think he
could handle hearing about this right now and I didn’t think it was fair to
place the decision about telling Viki on his shoulders at this time.”
“Oh God,”
Téa cried out softly. “I’m so frightened for Todd.” Téa looked into Susannah’s
eyes. “You are too.”
Susannah
hugged Téa. “Yes, I am too.”
***********
“I don’t
need any of this crap,” Saber said when he saw Sam packing some of children’s
toys.
“I know
you don’t pal, but some of these things are very important to . . . well to . .
.”
“Those
brats.” Saber shrugged. “Go ahead, pack what you want. I don’t need any of
these clothes though. I’ll go shopping and pick out my own clothes as soon as
we get settled.”
“Boomer,”
Sam said as he placed Timmy’s beloved Mr. Rabbit in the small suitcase. “I’m
going to Susannah’s office to get prescriptions for your medications. Blair
will be here with you.”
“No
problem,” Saber sneered. Then as added insurance, Saber added, “I always wanted
to live with you Sam. I always wanted you to be my dad. I can’t believe my
dream is finally coming true. I can’t wait to get home.”
Sam
squeezed Saber’s shoulder. He had longed to hear these words from Todd for so
long. “It’s my dream too Boomer. I promise I will make it all up to you.”
“I know
you will Sam,” Saber said in his best Todd voice. “Once we’re home, everything
will be all right.”
“Todd it
is you?” Blair asked when Sam left.
Saber
swaggered over to where Blair sat. “You worried I’m gonna cramp your style
Blair?” he asked, ignoring her question.
“What do
you mean?” Blair didn’t understand.
“I would
think by now you’d be fucking the brains out of your next patsy.” Saber smiled.
“Hey, is that why you’re letting old Sam live at the penthouse? You planning on
spreading your legs for Sam and his money . . . letting him into that unholy
honey pot of yours . . . another fly trapped in your well traveled web?”
Blair
looked horrified. Tears filled her eyes. “Please don’t be that way. I know you
have a lot to be angry about, but don’t take it out on me.” Blair looked up at
Todd. She saw a coldness in his eyes she had never seen before. “I know you
have a long way to go, but this can be a new beginning for us. Todd, you’ll
finally be back with your family, your real family.”
“And
family is just so important to me,” Saber smirked. His tone oozed sarcasm.
Blair
studied Saber for a minute. “Whom am I talking to?” she asked fearfully.
Saber
needed Blair to believe he was Todd. “It’s me, Todd. I’m sorry. It’s just . . .
well when I came home I didn’t want it to be this way, with me still crazy. You
hired all those nurses, techs and that shrink. It will be just like it is here.
I’ll still be a prisoner.”
“Oh
sweetie, no, it won’t be that way at all. I promise. This staff will do what
Sam and I tell them to do and if you don’t like something they are doing to
you, you just tell us. Todd, I know you will get well so much quicker in your
own home.” Blair stood up and hugged him. “Soon we’ll have everything back.
It’ll be even better than it was before because you’ll feel so much better
about yourself.”
Saber
stroked Blair’s cheek. “So if I want some time alone with you all I have to do
is ask and you’ll get rid of any staff that’s around?”
Blair hesitated.
She wasn’t sure she should promise that for Todd’s safety.
Saber
placed his hand near the top of Blair’s breast. “It’s been a long time Blair.”
Saber pretended to look hurt. “It’s all right. I don’t blame you at all if your
feelings for me have changed.
“No! Oh
baby, no, not at all. I don’t want you to think that.” Blair smiled at him. “I
knew you still felt that way about me, only me,” Blair purred. She hugged Saber
again.
“Yeah,”
Saber feigned agreement. Blair couldn’t see the look of total disgust and
contempt on his face.
***********
Sam was
surprised to find Téa and Bill sitting in Susannah’s office with her. “I came
to get prescriptions for Todd.”
“Sam,”
Susannah tried. “That’s not Todd in there. It might be Saber. If it is, you
know Todd is in danger.”
“That’s
Todd!” Sam replied firmly and angrily.
“Sam, do
you really believe that Todd would have been able to handle that hearing that
way or answer the questions the way he did?” Téa asked loudly. “I don’t know
where Todd is, but he sure as hell wasn’t at that hearing. Maybe this alter
came out because Todd doesn’t want to leave here.”
“Yes he
does!” Sam protested and grit his teeth. “Todd wants to be home. He wants me to
be a real father to him in a real home. He wants to give me the chance to make
up for letting Peter torture him. I know I can’t ever make it up to him. He’s
giving me the chance to do as much as I can.”
“Sam, do
you honestly believe this is what Viki wants?” Susannah asked calmly.
“Viki
wants Todd safe. He is not safe here. Maybe he never was. How could you do it
Susannah? How could you deliberately do this to him?”
“Sam, come
on,” Bill spoke up. “You know how much Susannah loves Todd. It’s like he’s her
own child.”
“Would she
take money from Asa to hurt her own child?” Sam spat out.
“For God’s
sake Sam, what the hell is wrong with you?” Téa couldn’t believe he just said
that.
“You know!
You and Kevin both know because you’re part of it. Tell me Susannah. Was the
five hundred thousand dollars just for keeping Todd ill? Do you get more if he
dies?”
Susannah
felt sick to her stomach. Every instinct within her knew that this was not just
Sam’s illness talking.
“Tell me
about the money. Tell me why you believe Asa gave me five hundred thousand
dollars,” Susannah said as calmly as possible.
Bill and
Téa both looked at her. They couldn’t believe she was taking Sam’s ravings
seriously.
“I don’t
have times for games!” Sam bellowed. “It’s over! I don’t have all the proof I
need yet, but when I do you’ll never be able to hurt someone the way you hurt
Todd again. I know you love Nora and Todd did some terrible things to her, but
you also know why he is the way he is. How can you . . . a psychiatrist . . .
do what you’ve done to him, for money or revenge? Don’t think you can hide the
money and no one will be the wiser. I have proof Susannah. I have proof! Now
will you give me those prescriptions or do I have to go to the head of this
department to get them?”
When
Susannah saw Bill and Téa were about to say something, she motioned them to be
silent. Sam was not in a state to hear anything any of them had to say. She
knew that something terrible was going on and she had to find out what it was
before she could get Sam to listen.
Susannah
pulled out her prescription pad and wrote the prescriptions.
She also
handed Sam a list of all the alters likes and dislikes and specific needs. She
had prepared it, just in case.
Susannah
fought with all her might to keep herself from crying as she handed the list
and prescriptions to Sam. “If the baby comes out, rubbing his tummy helps him
to get sleepy. Once he rolls over, he likes his back rubbed. You need to keep
the bathroom doors locked if Adam comes out and . . .”
“I know
how to take care of all of them!” Sam barked as he pulled the list and
prescriptions out of Susannah’s hand. Susannah sounded like a mother, fearful
of leaving her child in a babysitter’s care for the first time. She was getting
to Sam and he couldn’t allow that. He allowed himself to believe her and trust
her before and it only gave her another chance to hurt Todd and Timmy. Sam
turned on his heels and walked out.
Téa could
see how distraught Susannah was. She knew that Susannah was holding herself
together for her benefit. “I want to see if Todd . . . whoever . . . will talk
to me before he goes.” Téa wiped a tear away angrily. “I’m going to his room
now.” Téa took Susannah’s hands in hers. “This is just a set back. I don’t lose
and I’m not about to start with Todd. I will get guardianship of Todd. I will
not allow Blair or Sam or even Saber to destroy him.”
Susannah
squeezed Téa’s hands affectionately. She saw the strength and determination in
the young woman’s eyes. “I have no doubts that you will succeed.” Susannah
hugged Téa. “We’ll get Todd back where he’s safe and can be helped. Please try
not to be too afraid. It is possible that the staff Blair and Sam hired is very
good.” Susannah could see by the look in Téa’s eyes that she didn’t believe
that either. “I don’t know if I’ll be coming to my office after today. Please
call me at home or on my cell phone if you need anything or need to talk or
tell me something,” Susannah added.
Téa
started to leave then turned around and said, “I know this isn’t any of my
business and I don’t know what Sam was referring to. I think you need to check
out all your financial statements. I would not put anything past Blair.”
Susannah
turned pale when she realized the implications of what Téa just said. She
nodded. “I will,” she said softly.
Téa said
goodbye to Bill and left the office.
“Are you
all right?” Bill asked gently.
“Yes,”
Susannah whispered.
“Do you
want to check things out like Téa suggested? I can help you,” Bill offered.
“I can’t,
not right now. I . . .” Susannah couldn’t continue.
“You can
let go. It’s all right. It’s just the two of us now,” Bill pointed out.
Susannah
shook her head. She was afraid to let go this time.
Bill
walked up behind Susannah and placed his hands on her shoulder. Susannah burst
into tears and buried her face in Bill’s broad chest. He held her tightly. He
knew that she was terrified for Todd and that a part of her heart would be
leaving with him.
************
Téa
knocked on the open door to Todd’s room.
Blair
immediately walked over to where Téa stood in the doorway. “How many times does
Todd have to tell you that he wants you out of his life?”
“Todd,”
Téa called out, ignoring Blair. “I don’t know if you can hear me.” Téa was sure
Todd had gone inside. “If you can, I want you to know that I love you. I always
have and I always will. You’re the best part of my life. I realize it now more
than ever. I know you don’t believe that and you think you’re going to hurt me.
You won’t. I swear that to you. If Saber or anyone else is telling you that you
have to do this to keep from hurting me or Starr or anyone else, they are lying
to you. The only way you will hurt me is if you hurt yourself. Not having you
in my life will hurt me Todd. It will hurt Starr if you leave her. You know
what that feels like. You know you never get over that kind of pain.”
Saber
turned his back to Téa. He knew Téa’s love was powerful. It could get to Todd.
Even though he would never admit it to himself, she was a threat to him.
“My God!
Don’t you have any pride?” Blair snapped.
Téa pushed
Blair up against the doorway and got right in her face. “If anything happens to
Todd, I will make you sorrier than you’ve ever been in your life.” With that,
Téa left the unit.
*********
Susannah
was at the nurses’ station. She waited for Todd, or whoever was out, to pass by
on his way to the doors that led off the unit. Dorothy had pulled Sam’s car up
to the front of the hospital. Clayton accompanied Todd, Sam and Blair as they
walked out of Todd’s room.
Saber saw
Susannah. He pulled away from the other three and headed for her. Saber looked
Susannah in the eye for the first time since he came out. “Can I have a goodbye
hug?” he asked with obvious feigned innocence in his voice and a sneer on his
face. He knew Susannah was on to him. Without giving her a chance to respond he
pulled her close to him. “I told you I would win,” he whispered in her ear.
TO BE
CONTINUED
COPYRIGHT
RS 2002
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