�Yes. How can you do it? How can you get me out of here?�

Blair�s heart began to race. �You mean you really want me to? You want to live with me at the penthouse, even if it means Starr will stay with Dorian until you�re ready to be with her again?�

The thought of Starr living with Dorian filled Todd with fury and fear.

�It�ll only be for a day or two, stupid! Just long enough for you to get the courage and brains to act like a man and do what you have to do to keep that kid and wife of yours safe,� Saber whispered to Todd. Saber didn�t want to spook Todd. He was too close to getting what he wanted. �Once you�re out of the picture that pretty little girl of yours can come home to own little room.�

Todd�s heart began to pound. He was scared to death. He wondered, what if it wasn�t the drugs? He had progressed enough to realize that his only shot at getting well and getting the life he wanted was to stay in the hospital and continue therapy. He had also progressed enough to realize he was a danger to himself. He knew he would be giving up his life if he left the hospital at this point. My life is worthless. I have to do what�s best for Shorty and Delgado and everyone, he thought to himself.

***********

�Susannah and the staff here are responsible for most of the improvements in Todd. Susannah loves him. She loves him as if he were her own child. I know that. T�a�s completely devoted to Todd. All she wants is for him to get well so they can have a life and family together. I know that too. I KNOW that,� Sam stated loudly and firmly.

�Then you explain to me, Sam, why Doctor Hanen took five hundred thousand dollars from Asa Buchanan. You just explain that to me!�

Sam stared at Blair in shocked disbelief.

**********

Something about this whole business didn't feel right to Sam. Even though it wasn't easy for her to gain access to Susannah's bank account, once she had, the trail of money was too easy to follow. No, something about this didn't feel right at all. Sam knew that, on her own, she would look into this further, hopefully before any damage was done to Todd or to Doctor Hanen, if she truly wasn't guilty.

**********

T�a got right into Todd�s face. �Yes you can tell Blair that you have your freedom. You can tell Blair that I don�t give a shit what happens to either one of you. You can both go to hell for all I care! I hope I never have to lay eyes on you or the love of your life again!� T�a pushed past Susannah as she rushed to the doors that led off the unit.

**********

Kevin put his arm around T�a�s waist and guided her to his car, parked just a few car lengths form where they stood.

Neither T�a nor Kevin was aware that Todd and Sam were watching them from the windows they stared out of.

**********

Susannah rushed into Todd�s room. There was a long crack in the window�s shatterproof glass. Both chairs and the small table had been overturned along with one of the night tables. The edge of the chair that hit Eileen, after Todd threw it, was stained with her blood. The mattress had been pushed off the bed. Todd�s right hand was bruised from punching Angelo.

�T�A! T�AAAAAAAA!� Todd screamed over and over again. Growl like sounds came from the depths of Todd�s soul.

*********

What Todd was too embarrassed to add was that he was glad they were there to stop him, even if it meant drugging him and placing him in restraints. Todd was scared to death of being out of the hospital. He knew he had little control over himself and that he was losing a lot of time. Deep within his mind and heart his hope was that somehow someone would know what he was planning with Blair and stop it from happening. It felt the same to as it had when Todd hoped and prayed Sam would realize what was happening with his father and rescue him. Only this time, Sam was part of what he feared.

**********

Sam looked into Viki�s pain filled blue eyes. He dreaded having to tell her. She needs to know, he thought to himself. Sam looked around. No staff was nearby. �Viki, I have to tell you something. I know it will be hard for you to bel . . .�

�Mom,� Kevin called to Viki.

Neither Sam nor Viki heard Kevin approaching them.

�What the hell are you doing here?� Sam jumped up and asked bitterly.

Kevin ignored Sam. He walked around and knelt down in front of Viki. He took her hands in his. �Mom, I need you to stay calm. I got a phone call from Arizona.�

Viki gasped. Her eyes filled with terror.

Kevin continued. �There�s been an accident. It�s Dad and Jess.

*******************************************************************************

Viki continued to stare at Kevin with terror in her eyes. �..an accident?�

Kevin held onto Viki�s hand tightly. He nodded. �Jess and her boyfriend were with dad in his car and they were hit by a drunk driver who came at them head on.�

�Oh, my God,� Viki squeezed Kevin�s hands. �How bad?� she asked in a low fear-filled voice.

Kevin was trembling slightly. �It�s bad. Jessie�s boyfriend was killed and she and dad are in extremely critical condition.�

Sam turned as pale as Viki when he heard.

Susannah came rushing from her office. Kevin had told Janet to get her because he had some very bad news to give his mother.

�Oh, my God, my baby,� Viki cried out. �And Clint . . . oh God, Clint. Wh-who�s with them?� Viki managed to get out.

�Mom, that�s just it, no one is right now. I called Grandpa and he�s getting his jet ready. He called Uncle Bo. He and Renee and Bo and Nora are going there, and so am I. I know how terrified you are to leave Todd, but . . .� Kevin started to cry. �It sounds like we need to get to dad and Jess right away if we want to see . . .� Kevin couldn�t continue. His body shook with sobs.

Viki wrapped her arms around Kevin. �Jessie and Clint won�t die. You listen to me,� Viki said firmly. She lifted Kevin�s face until they were eye to eye. �They will not die,� she repeated. �You call Asa and tell him that we�ll be going to Arizona with him.� Viki turned to Susannah. �I need to see Todd. He loves Jessie very much. He needs to hear about this from me and he needs to understand why I have to leave.�

Susannah was proud of Viki for her take charge attitude. Viki always amazed her. �Yes, Todd does need to hear it from you.�

�Kevin,� Viki asked. �Has anyone called Joey?�

Kevin nodded. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. �I did. He and Kelly are flying to Arizona on the first flight they can get.�

�How long do we have before we leave?� Viki asked.

�At least three hours, because of the fog,� Kevin responded. �Grandpa was cursing out everyone from the pilot to Mother Nature and told them he doesn�t give a rat�s ass about the fog. It didn�t do any good. No flights are taking off. We still have to wait.�

Viki managed a small smile. It was typical Asa behavior. This time she wished he could have gotten his way. �I want to go home and pack a few things, including one of Jessie�s old dolls.�

�The one she always kept with her when she was home sick?� Kevin asked.

Viki nodded. �Yes.�

Kevin hugged his mother. �Jess will tell you to stop treating her like a baby, right before she takes the doll and snuggles with it.�

�Yes, she will,� Viki agreed. Tears filled her eyes. �Yes, she will.�

Sam who had been sitting in silent shock through all of this finally said, �I�ll go with you. Todd will understand.�

�No,� Viki said firmly. �I will not leave him here without a parent.� Viki took Sam�s hand. She brought it to her lips and kissed it. �I know what leaving Todd would do to you. For you to offer means the world to me. I love you very much for it. I would not be able to stand it if Todd and the alters were left here without either of us. I want you to stay here with him.�

Sam nodded. �Clint is one strong cowboy and Jessie comes from Lord and Buchanan stock. They don�t come any tougher. They�ll be okay.�

�I know they will,� Viki said with as much confidence as she could muster. �Do you want to be with me when I tell Todd?�

Sam thought for a few moments. �No. I think this has to be between you and Todd.�

Viki kissed Sam�s cheek. �Thank you.� She turned to Susannah. �I�m ready.�

***********

Todd had stopped crying. He had rolled over on his back a few minutes ago. Damn it Delgado, you did this. You made me say those things to you. You couldn�t wait to run back to Kevin, could you! Todd thought angrily. He needed to blame T�a. Unconsciously, he knew he wouldn�t be able to keep from hurting himself if he acknowledged that he was at fault. Todd stared off into space as he tried to push the image of Kevin holding T�a, kissing her head, and stroking her hair out of his mind. He kept trying to tell himself that he should be happy and relieved. If Kevin was the one who could finally keep T�a safe by keeping her away from him, he should be grateful to him. Unfortunately, what Todd felt like doing was throwing Kevin across the room and bashing his head into the floor.

It didn�t go unnoticed by Frank that Todd was using coping skills to calm himself. He saw that Todd was taking deep breaths and tightening and relaxing his muscles. Frank heard Todd repeating his positive self-statements to himself over and over again. He was doing a great job using his coping skills to control his anger. Frank smiled. He was as proud of Todd as he would be of one of his own sons.

Both Todd and Frank were surprised to see Viki walk into Todd�s room. They both immediately knew something was wrong when they saw her face.

Todd sat up straight. In some ways, he knew Viki better than anyone on the face of the earth. The bond they shared ran deep. �What�s wrong?� Todd asked as soon as Viki approached his bed.

Viki sat down next to him on the bed. She took Todd�s left hand in both of hers. �Jessie and Clint have been in a car accident.�

Todd grew paler than usual. He looked into Viki�s eyes. �They�re hurt bad, aren�t they?�

�Yes. It�s very serious.�

Todd turned to Frank. �You get Doctor Hanen here and tell her she�s gotta let me out.�

�No,� Viki said gently. �Sweetheart, I know you want to be there for Jessie and for me, but . . .�

Todd�s eyes brimmed with tears again. �But, I�m too crazy to be there for my own family.�

�No. I want you there very much and I know Jessie would, too . . .�

�You�re afraid for me to be around her or out of the hospital because of what happened before and what always happens,� Todd interrupted again. �You don�t think you can trust me to control myself and not hurt someone. You think the million people running around inside and outside my head will come out and embarrass you or that I�ll fall apart.� Todd looked away. He felt deep shame. �I�m strong, Viki. You�ve always been there for me. I can be there for you. I promise I�ll stay strong. You don�t have to be afraid that I�ll let you down.�

�I have no doubt whatsoever that you will stay strong and be there for me if you come to Arizona. You have been there for me when I�ve fallen apart, many times.� Viki rested her hand on Todd�s arm. He continued to look away from her with his head hung in shame. �Todd, of everyone in our family, you are the one I would most want with me at a time like this.�

Todd finally lifted his head and looked Viki in the eye again. �Then I don�t understand. You�re my guardian. If you tell Doctor Hanen to let me go, she has to, doesn�t she?�

�Yes, I imagine she does. Sweetheart, that�s not the problem.�

�It�s because I�m too dangerous to be around people unless there are lots of people around to stop me from hurting someone.�

�No! That�s not it at all,� Viki said firmly. �Asa�s going to be there. Clint is his son. You know the way Asa feels abo . . .�

�Asa hates my guts,� Todd cut Viki off again. �You�re afraid I�ll give him another heart attack if I�m there.�

�Something like that,� Viki admitted. �Things are going to be very difficult. Asa�s not a young or well man. It�s Asa�s reactions I�m afraid to trust, not yours.�

Todd wasn�t sure if Viki was telling him the truth or trying to spare his feelings. He did know that he didn�t want to make things harder on her. He hated himself even more for not being able to be there for Viki and Jess.

�Sweetheart, I hate to leave you.� Viki meant that from the bottom of her heart. �I love you. You are every bit as much my precious child to me as Jessica, Kevin and Joey.�

Todd�s eyes met Viki�s. He prayed what she said was true. He wanted to hug Viki so badly. He held back. �Viki, you gotta go be with Jess. She needs her mom to be with her.�

Viki�s eyes shone with love for her brother. She kissed Todd�s forehead. �I am going. That doesn�t mean I have to like leaving you.�

�I�m okay. I�ve got like a gazillion people here. Jessie�s dad is hurt, too. She needs you more than I do now.� Todd hung his head in shame again. �I�m sorry that I can�t go and be there for you and Jess.�

Viki lifted Todd�s head by the chin until their eyes� met. �You will be there for me the way you always are, right here.� Viki placed her hand on her heart. �I know how much you love Jessie and she knows it, too.�

�She�s not too bad for someone who�s half Buchanan,� Todd quipped. He turned serious again. �You tell Sam I want him to go with you.�

�No, Sam wants to stay here.�

Todd started to shake his head in protest. �No! You tell Sam to go with you. You can take my jet.� Todd swung his feet over the side of the bed. He turned to Frank again. �I need to call my pilot and start making arrangements.�

Viki took both of Todd�s hands in hers. She knew Todd would handle this with strength. She also knew that as ill as he still was, she could depend on him. He would always come through for those he loved. Viki�s heart felt like it would burst with love for her baby brother. �Sweetheart, that won�t be necessary. Kevin is going and so are Bo and Nora. We are going on Asa�s jet.�

Todd thought about it for a minute. �My jet is bigger.�

Viki managed a smile �I think we can make due with Asa�s.�

Todd ran his fingers through his hair. �Okay, Sam can still go. I know you and he are like . . . you know . . . like a couple. He should be with you.�

�Sam is not exactly Asa or Clint�s favorite person either and Jessie hardly knows him. I think it would be better if he stayed here.�

Todd thought about what Viki said. �Yeah, I guess you don�t want Asa to keel over and croak while fighting with Sam either. How would you explain that to Clint and Jessie when you see them?�

Viki�s smile broadened slightly, despite her terror and pain. Viki was so thankful to have Todd in her life. Only Todd could get a smile out of her at a time like this. �It would be difficult to explain.�

Todd reached out and gently stroked Viki�s cheek for a brief moment. �Jess is one of us. She�s not gonna let some stupid car accident stop her this time any more than it did when she got hurt in Marty�s car.�

Viki brought Todd�s hand to her lips and kissed his palm. �You gave me back my daughter that night. You gave Cord and Tina their son back, too.�

Todd shrugged. �No big deal. Jess, CJ, Sarah, you, even me . . . it ain�t so easy to get rid of us. Victor was a miserable rotten bastard, but he did give us tough genes. Jess is gonna be okay,� Todd said firmly. �And Clint has those Buchanan cowboy genes running through him, he�s too dumb to die,� he added.

Viki smiled again and then turned serious. �I love you. I know it�s difficult for you to hear and believe. I love you more than I thought it was possible for me to love.�

Todd and Viki stared into each other�s eyes as tears welled up for both of them again.

Todd looked away. He couldn�t handle the emotion. �You tell Jess she�s still the only Buchanan I can almost stomach.�

�I will,� Viki promised. She prayed that she�d get the chance. �I�ll call here and let them know how to reach me. If you need me for anything, even if it�s just to talk, I want you to promise me that you�ll have someone call me.�

�Yeah, yeah,� Todd tried to brush off Viki�s concern. It touched him deeply and he didn�t want to lose it in front of her.

Viki stood up. She felt like she was leaving part of her heart behind.

�Hey Sis,� Todd looked away from Viki as he spoke. �Even though I�m . . . you know . . . Looney Toons . . . that don�t mean that you can�t count on me if you need something or someone to talk to, too. You can call here and have someone get me.�

Viki stroked Todd�s head. �Look at me,� she gently requested.

Todd looked up into her eyes. �I have never doubted that. I know I can always count on you.�

Todd swallowed hard. It was getting more difficult for him to keep his emotions at bay. �You�d better get going before Asa leaves without you,� he managed to get out.

�The plane won�t be leaving for at least a couple of hours because of the fog,� Viki explained. �I do want to go home and pack some things before I go to the airport.� Viki saw Todd shiver. �Are you okay?�

�Yeah, I just hate fog. It gives me the creeps. I guess it�s just as well I�m not going with you. Me, bad weather and jets are a really bad combination.�

�Yes, they are,� Viki managed another smile as she acknowledged Todd�s unfortunate past with airplanes and inclement weather.

Todd stood up and faced Viki. �You�d better leave. Driving will really suck too if the weather is bad.�

�I am. I�m leaving in a few minutes,� Viki replied.

Todd and Viki stared into each other�s eyes for a few seconds.

Viki wanted to keep it light. She couldn�t. She took Todd�s face between her hands. �I never stop thanking God for giving you to me. I have loved you from the first day I ever laid eyes on you.�

�Huh? Are you confusing me with one of those royal Buchanan boys of yours?�

�No . . . I . . .� Viki had no idea what made her say that. �I meant from the moment I found out you were my brother.�

Todd noticed that Viki had begun to tremble. �Sis, are you all right?�

�I�m just frightened,� Viki covered. She had no idea what was making her tremble or feel sick in the pit of her stomach. It felt different from her terror she was feeling over Jessica and Clint. �I�m scared to death for Jessie and Clint. I hate that we can�t get there right now. What if we don�t get there in . . .� Viki stopped herself from saying it.

Todd gently held Viki by her upper arms. �Jess is exactly like you and that old Lord lady you told me about . . . that pioneer relative of ours. She can survive anything. Besides, she�s got the prettiest hair in the family and she enjoys being a pain in the ass too much. She�ll be waiting for you when you get there.�

Viki stroked Todd�s cheek. �Jess and I aren�t the only Lords who can and will survive anything.�

�Yeah,� Todd whispered. He surprised Viki by encasing her in a hug. �If a guy has to have a big sister to boss him around, I�m really glad that I got you.�

Viki had no way of knowing that Todd suddenly realized this would be the last time he�d ever see her if Blair and Sam succeeded in getting him out of the hospital.

Todd kissed Viki on the cheek. �You know that love stuff you�re always talking about . . . I just want you to know . . . that I . . . that . . . that you�re like a mom to me and I . . .�

Viki brushed Todd�s hair off his face. �I love you, too. I�m very proud of you. I love all my children so much it hurts, but you have a most special place in my heart.�

Todd fought with all his might to hold back his tears. He feared the pain he�d cause Viki if he went ahead with his plan. That thought was quickly replaced with Todd telling himself that Viki, like everyone else, would get over it and at least they�d all be better off and safe. �You�d better get going. If that fog clears, Asa�ll leave without you.�

A chill ran down Viki�s spine. She suddenly had a very bad feeling about leaving Todd. She wished she could take him with her. While Viki did believe what she told Todd . . . that his presence would be a problem for Asa . . . she also knew in her heart that Todd was not ready to leave the hospital, even if it meant getting to Arizona to see Jessica, perhaps for the last time. Viki stroked Todd�s cheek one more time. �I love you, sweetheart.�

Todd watched the door close behind Viki. He flopped back down on his bed. He turned his head in Frank�s direction. �You gotta meet my niece Jess sometime. She�s a tough kid . . . okay, she�s not really a kid . . . but she is tough. She�ll be okay.�

�If she�s like you and your sister, I�d say she has a pretty good chance of it,� Frank commented.

Todd nodded. He stared straight ahead. He couldn�t look at Frank and tell him what he wanted to. �Things happen. I mean like Jess was probably just coming home from school or the mall or whatever people do in Arizona and wham! So . . . um . . . I-I want you to know that I appreciate everything that you�ve done for me. I know it�s your job . . . I . . . I still appreciate it. I want you to know that you did good by me . . . I mean someday if you ever start to think you screwed up . . . you remember that I thought� . . . that I�m . . . I�m just glad you�re around and I�m sorry that I hurt you and Angelo and Eileen and that other nurse.�

�Apology accepted,� Frank spoke for all of them. He knew no one blamed Todd. Frank was concerned. Perhaps it was hearing about his niece and realizing how quickly things can happen to people, but there was something in Todd�s tone and demeanor that set off an alarm in Frank�s brain. Todd needed to be assessed for suicidal ideation. Frank was about to broach the subject with Todd when Sam came into Todd�s room.

�Hi pal. I know Viki told you what happened.�

�Jess is gonna be okay,� Todd stated firmly.

�Sure she is. She�s a fighter like you and Viki.�

Todd nodded. �Yeah,� he said almost silently. �Viki said she�s afraid you being there will kill Asa, same as me being there. That�s what she told you, right?� Todd tested Sam to see if Viki really felt that way.

�I know Asa doesn�t want to see my face there. That�s for sure.� Viki had quickly told Sam what she said to Todd before she and Kevin left for Llanfair.

�So . . .� Todd began uncomfortably. �You�re the only one left here who�s stuck with me.� Todd was wondering if T�a had come back to the hospital, despite what he�d said to her.

Sam sat down on Todd�s bed. �This is where I want to be, Boomer. I never consider myself stuck with you.�

�Don�t call me Boomer,� Todd muttered. �You can go home. I mean to Viki�s or wherever it is you live now. You don�t have to be here around the clock.�

�I want to be here. Spending time with you is something I get great pleasure in,� Sam said truthfully.

Todd waved his index finger in the air. �Because I�m just the life of the party.�

�Because you�re an intelligent, funny and gifted young man,� Sam declared.

Todd looked into Sam�s eyes. It was clear to Sam that Todd didn�t believe him. �Did Viki or someone let everyone know what happened with Jess?� Todd asked changing the subject. What he really wanted to know was if T�a knew.

�I don�t think Viki had a chance to tell anyone. Is there someone you�d like me to call and tell what happened . . . some friends of Jess� that you know or someone?� Sam asked.

�No. No one,� Todd said without emotion. Todd wanted to ask Sam if what Blair said was really true and that he was going to try to take him out of the hospital. He knew he couldn�t bring it up in front of Frank or anyone, other than Blair. Anxiety washed over Todd. �Can I go to the dayroom? I want to watch T.V. or something.�

�Sure buddy,� Frank agreed. �I�ll take you there and open the T.V. for you.� This was the first time Todd requested that since he�d been in the hospital. If Todd�s ability to concentrate had increased enough for him to watch television that would be a good thing. Frank still had an ominous feeling. Something was going on with Todd and it seemed to have nothing to do with the bad news about Jessica Buchanan that Todd just received.

**********

Once Todd was settled with Sam alongside him, on the couch in the dayroom, Frank asked Jeff to stay with him. Todd was on arm�s length again, since he lost it by the window. Frank went to Susannah�s office to tell her that something didn�t seem right with Todd.

Todd flipped through channel after channel, trying to concentrate. �News . . . stupid judge show . . . kid crap . . . dumb ass soap . . . wacko family airing dirty laundry . . . more kid crap . . . rerun of 60s shit . . . moron selling cookware . . . another stupid judge show,� Todd commented as he went from channel to channel. Finally he threw the remote down in disgust and announced, �T.V. sucks these days.� Todd walked over to look out the window.

�Sorry, Todd, no standing by the window,� Jeff cautioned.

�I�m not gonna do anything!� Todd protested.

�No standing by the window,� Jeff repeated firmly.

Todd moved away. �Fine! I�m not by the goddamn window! Okay! You can go now. I wanna talk to Sam.�

�You need to be at arm�s length right now, buddy,� Jeff explained. �I can�t leave the room.�

Todd looked like he was ready to explode.

�Use your coping skills,� Jeff reminded him.

�Fuck you!� Todd bellowed.

Sam saw Todd was escalating. �Todd will be all right alone in the room with me. Please wait outside.�

�I�m sorry, Sam. Todd needs to be within arm�s reach of at least one staff member for his own protection.� Jeff hoped Sam wouldn�t make the situation worse.

�I wanna see Doctor Hanen,� Todd ordered. He started to leave the dayroom.

�Todd, you need to wait here,� Jeff called out. �I�ll tell Susannah you want to see her. Someone is with her right now.�

�Who?� Todd asked immediately. He thought it might be T�a and they were keeping it from him.

�Frank,� Jeff replied. �I�m sure Susannah will see you right away. Right now you need to sit down and take some deep breaths. Do you think you can do that?�

Todd glared at him. However, he did sit down and attempt his coping skills. Todd did not want to lose control the way he had earlier. He wanted to stay alert and in control in case Viki needed him or in case T�a came back, although Todd didn�t expect T�a to return. He believed he finally did it. He drove her away. He drove her into Kevin�s arms. What�s wrong with me? Todd thought frantically. I should be happy. This is what I want. Delgado safe . . . with someone normal . . . well, at least human anyway. God, I�m more of a monster than I thought. I should be happy. If I had one ounce of the goodness in me that Delgado sees I would be happy that she finally wants no part of me. Todd�s lips trembled as he tried to keep himself from crying.

�Act like a man.�

Todd sat straight up when he heard Saber.

�Stop thinking about that precious wifey of yours and focus on what you have to do. Be practical. It�s for the best that Viki is away and you chased T�a out of your life. You don�t want them interfering when the time comes and Blair and Sam get you out of here. Blair, Sam and whatever Mickey Mouse staff Blair hired will be easy to con. You don�t want T�a and Viki in your life now. Look at the bright side. T�a will have someone to turn to after you�re gone. It�ll be harder on her if she still loves you when it happens.� Saber knew Viki and T�a would not be as easily fooled or controlled as Blair and Sam. �You�ve got to make sure that lady doc of yours stays out of the picture, too. She has no legal rights, but she could try to keep you from doing what you know you have to do. You be a man Todd. For once in your life don�t be a little girl wuss. You know there�s only pain and suffering for you here and for everyone who�s close to you. Don�t blow the one chance you have to end the pain. Be careful. Don�t talk to Sam about this if anyone can hear.�

�Todd,� Susannah called for the second time.

Todd looked up at her from his chair. He looked dazed.

Susannah sat down in the chair next to his. �You wanted to talk to me?�

�Yeah,� Todd said softly. He had a sudden urge to hug Susannah and have her hug him back. He knew this was also one of the last times he�d ever see her. The complaints Todd wanted to make left his mind. �You got any kids?�

�No, not yet,� Susannah answered.

�You�ll make a good mom when you do have some. You deserve to have good kids who�ll make you proud.�

�Thank you,� Susannah said gently. �If I�m lucky, someday I�ll have a son that�s just like you.�

Todd stared into Susannah�s eyes. �Don�t even say that as a joke.�

�I�m not joking. I would be proud to be your mom. You are a wonderful young man.�

Todd turned his head. He quickly brushed away the tears that splashed down his cheeks and faced Susannah again. �You�re also a really good doctor. It�s not your fault if you have a loser for a patient.�

�Todd,� Susannah began tenderly. �What�s going on? Can you tell me?� She knew Frank was right. Something was going on with Todd. He was presenting with covert indications of suicidal ideation.

�Nothing�s going on. I just wanted to tell you that. I guess Viki tells you that all the time. She�s not here so I�m telling you.�

�Are you thinking about suicide?� Susannah asked bluntly. She knew it was best to convert any covert thoughts of suicide to overt ones and get them out so they could be talked about.

Todd couldn�t believe Susannah could read him so well. He was shocked. �No!� He shook his head and lied. �I . . . it-it�s Jess. It�s what happened with Jess. Life is short. I wanted to tell you that. It�s no big deal. I mean you are getting paid a bundle to be a good doctor. So forget I ever brought it up.�

Susannah wasn�t buying this. �Okay. Then will you be willing to enter into a no suicide contract with me?�

�A what?� Todd asked.

�It�s like the contracts you made with us when you promised that you would let us know if you were hearing voices or feeling the need to hurt yourself or feeling a seizure coming on.�

Todd continued to stare at Susannah.

She had his attention, so she continued. �Do you contract to tell someone if you have thoughts or plans of killing yourself?�

Todd didn�t want to lie to Susannah again. He cared deeply about her.

�You�ll end up destroying her just like you�ll destroy everyone else,� Saber whispered to Todd. �If you really care about her, you�ll tell her what she wants to hear and give her peace of mind. You know what it feels like to never have peace of mind, Todd. Don�t you want better for those you say you care about?�

Todd nodded.

�Is that a yes?� Susannah asked, thinking Todd was agreeing.

Todd nodded again.

�

�Then I need you to say it,� Susannah said gently.

�Yes, I will tell someone if I think or plan to kill myself.�

Susannah sensed he wasn�t being honest with her.

�Honey, I know it�s difficult for you to see it. Things are getting better and they will continue to get better. I promise. Therapy is painful. We�ll take things slowly and at your pace. This is not the time to give up or to push people away.�

Todd glanced into Susannah�s eyes and quickly looked away again.

�Would you like to talk about Jess?� Susannah offered. �I know you love her very much.�

�Is she hurt bad enough to die?� Todd asked.

�Yes,� Susannah answered truthfully. �She also has excellent doctors and she is very young, healthy and strong.�

�Typical,� Todd murmured.

�What�s typical?� Susannah asked.

�That someone good like Jess . . . someone everyone loves . . . who never hurt anyone . . . who deserves to have a long good life would get taken and someone like me would be left.�

�There is not one person I know who would want to see you in Jessica�s place. Your family loves you as much as they love her. They would be devastated if anything happened to you.�

�Okay, I don�t wanna talk anymore,� Todd said softly.

�You don�t have to.� Susannah patted Todd�s knee and stood up. �I�ll be in my office if you change your mind.�

**********

Viki stood in Jessica�s room with the doll she planned to take in her hand. She lovingly stroked the doll�s hair. �I think Jessie will be happy to see you. It�s been a long time.� Viki burst into tears. She sat on her daughter�s bed. �Please baby, hold on. Mommy�s coming.� Viki quickly pulled herself together. She knew if she let go now, she would never make it through this. Viki felt like she was being torn in two. She wanted to be with Jessie and she was terrified of leaving Todd. She had a feeling of dread. She felt as if she would never see either of her beloved children again. Viki heard Kevin arguing with someone on the phone and then storm out of his room. She heard him knock on the door to her room. Viki stuck her head out of the doorway to Jessica�s room. �Kevin, I�m in here.�

Kevin walked into his sister�s old room. He looked around. Tears sprung to his eyes. �I can still see her in here.�

�And you will again,� Viki said with a certainty she tried to feel. �Jessie was supposed to come home for a month in July and she will. I spoke to the hospital in Arizona about ten minutes ago. They said Clint and Jessie are still holding on. They are both still in surgery.� Viki�s voice cracked with the emotion she was holding back.

�I know Jessie will be here as planned Mom,� Kevin said with as much false certainty as Viki. He took his mother in his arms and hugged her tightly. �Joey said he was going to come home for a couple of weeks then, too. We�ll all be here . . . just like always. You�ll have all your kids in the house again. Who knows, maybe Todd will be well enough to come home for a few days.�

Viki pulled back and nodded. She stroked Kevin�s cheek. She loved him for thinking of Todd as part of the family and Llanfair as his home too. Viki knew they both had to stop thinking about this right now and keep themselves together. �Were you just arguing with someone?� she asked.

�Rachel. I don�t know what the hell is going on with her. Just when I thought things were getting better between us . . .� Kevin thought for a few moments. �Will you be all right alone here for about an hour?�

�Yes, of course I will be. I�d like to shower and change before we leave.� Viki knew she wouldn�t want to leave Jessie�s side, other than to sit with Clint, once she got there. �Are you going to see Rachel?�

�No. I�m going to see Susannah. I can�t get a straight answer from Rachel. Maybe Susannah will be willing to give me a clue. I want to make sure things are straight between Todd and me, too. I think Blair�s been filling Todd�s head with her paranoid crap.�

�Honey, Todd had a highly emotional day today. Maybe it�s better to let him be for now. He was very upset over T�a and Jessie and upset that he couldn�t come with us.�

�He does love Jess,� Kevin acknowledged. �Don�t worry. I�ll ask Susannah first. If she thinks I shouldn�t see him, I won�t.�

Viki kissed Kevin�s cheek. �Thank you and thank you for understanding that Todd is one of my children and that he belongs here.�

�I care about Todd. You know that. I�ll admit I still get pissed at him and he can push my buttons like no one else, but I do care about him very much. I would never deliberately hurt him again. I want him to have the home filled with love that he never had.�

�I know, honey. I think checking out your visit with Susannah first is the best way to go. Have you spoken with Asa or Bo? Is there any chance we may leave sooner than expected?�

�No. I wouldn�t go to the hospital if there were. The fog is still bad. Renee says Grandpa tried to find another pilot to fly us there. No one will do it until the fog lifts at least a little.�

�Be careful driving to the hospital,� Viki cautioned.

�I will. I�ll be back in about an hour or so to take you to the airport. I�m all packed so we can leave as soon as we get the go ahead.�

*************

Chapter 126� Part 2

Both Sam and Todd wished they could talk to the other privately. Neither wanted the staff to become suspicious so they sat silently in the dayroom. Todd willingly drank the cup of apple juice that Terry asked him to drink. He refused offers of something to read, playing a board game, cards, tossing a ball around, drawing, or writing down his feelings. The staff knew it was going to be difficult when journaling and other goals became a regular part of Todd�s therapy. He was not someone who liked to have demands placed on him.

Todd stared straight ahead. The things Blair told him about T�a and Kevin and seeing them holding each other through his window played in his mind over and over again. Todd hated himself for not being happy that he finally got T�a to leave him. In between, thoughts of Jessica pelted his mind. He wondered if Susannah could call the hospital in Arizona and find out how she and Clint were doing.

�Can I go to Doctor Hanen�s office? I want to ask her something?� Todd asked Frank, who was back in the dayroom with him.

Susannah left orders that Todd should be brought to her office, or she should be called if he wanted her to come to him, the moment he felt like talking.

�Sure, buddy,� Frank agreed. �Come on. I�ll take you there.�

�Do you want me to come with you?� Sam asked.

�No. You can stay here or go wherever it is you go. I�m okay.�

Todd�s tone sounded cold to Sam. He wondered if Todd was angry with him. Sam also wondered if Blair lied to him about Todd being happy at the thought of living with him at the penthouse. Sam didn�t know whom to believe or trust anymore.

What Sam had no way of knowing was that Todd was angry with him, unconsciously. In Todd�s mind, Sam was once again giving up on him. He was once again sending him back to be hurt. Todd�s unconscious mind believed that, somehow, Sam should know what he planned once he got to the penthouse and stop him. As always, Todd was at war with himself. He desperately wanted to die and end his suffering and the suffering and pain he believed he would cause those he love. He also desperately wanted to be saved.

************

As Frank and Todd rounded the corner, they saw Kevin standing at the nurses' station talking to Janet.

Todd�s eyes burned with rage. With quickness that surpassed Frank�s, Todd got away from him. He lunged at Kevin and pinned him up against the wall.

Kevin was too shocked by Todd�s strength and fury to react immediately. Todd had also nearly knocked the wind out of him.

With his forearm under Kevin�s chin, Todd pressed Kevin�s head against the wall.

Kevin and Todd stared into each other�s eyes. Kevin saw the rage that was driving Todd emanate from his stare.

�You bastard.� Todd�s voice came from deep in his throat. It was low and more frightening than if he�d been shouting. �You ever touch her again, I�ll kill you.�

Frank, Jeff and Steve pulled Todd off Kevin.

It had only been a few seconds before they got to Todd. Yet it had been enough time for Kevin to get a glimpse of the Todd he always knew. Kevin had no doubt that this was Todd, the same Todd who could be truly dangerous to anyone who crossed him.

Kevin rubbed his aching neck. �Man! You are fucking crazy! What the hell is wrong with you!�

Todd didn�t fight the three men who held him. He stood still and glared at Kevin. �You don�t touch her. Do you hear me Kevin? You don�t touch her.�

�Touch who? What the hell are you talking about?� Kevin tried to stay calm. His heart was pounding in his chest.

Sam came running out of the dayroom when he heard the commotion. �Let go of him,� Sam ordered.

As soon as she heard there was a problem, Susannah ran from her office, too. �You need to leave the area, Sam,� Susannah instructed.

�Todd, are you okay?� Sam called. He wasn�t sure if Todd was trying to harm himself or not.

Susannah walked up to Todd. �We want to let you go. Are you in control?�

Todd glared at Kevin. �Yes,� he said quietly. His eyes never left Kevin�s.

�Todd. I don�t know what your problem is.� Kevin tried to speak calmly. �Tell me and we can talk about it.�

�You�re my problem, lover boy. How many do you need? You always did like them by twos, didn�t you? Didn�t you start fucking Cassie while you were still fucking T�a. And we know you had to have Nurse Barbie on the side while you were fucking Cassie. So now Cassie�s going back to Andrew and you only have Rachel to fuck.� Todd snickered. �I guess there�s an opening and you knew just how to fill it.�

Kevin got it now. He put what Todd was saying together with the things T�a told him. He understood why Todd was furious with him.

�I�m not having and affair with T�a,� Kevin said bluntly. �If Blair told you I was, she�s a liar.�

Knowing Blair, Todd would have believed Kevin if he hadn�t seen what he saw through the window. �Yeah,� Todd nodded. �Most of the time Blair�s a liar. But she�s not the only liar in this town, is she? Maybe it�s something in the water . . . huh, Kevie? You think it�s the water or something in the air? Or . . . could it be that you think I�m too stupid and too crazy to recognize a lie when I hear one?�

�Todd, I�m not lying to you and neither is T�a. My God! She loves you. Don�t give me that stupid and crazy routine of yours. Even you have to be able to tell how much T�a loves you. It killed her to hear you say those things to her.�

Todd smiled. �She wasted no time running to you, did she?�

�I saw her run out of the hospital as I was arriving. I came here to meet Rachel and to visit you. I saw T�a was hysterical. I thought something had happened to you.�

�Your bad luck that it didn�t,� Todd mumbled. He didn�t know what to believe.

�No, Todd. I don�t want anything bad to happen to you. Being afraid of losing one child is all mom can take at the moment.�

Todd felt shame wash over him. When he saw Kevin, his fury over T�a had pushed what happened to Jessica out of his mind.

�Todd,� Saber whispered. �If you love your wife, you�d let him have her. You�d want her to be safe. She�ll only be safe if she�s away from you.�

Todd looked at Kevin. The thought of Kevin touching T�a still made Todd want to kill him.

�Noooo,� Todd and everyone in the area heard a small voice cry out. �Don' hurt Kebin. Don' hurt Kebin. He�s my bethtetht fwiend. I wove Kebin.�

Todd felt small hands tugging at his pant leg. He turned and saw a very small boy looking up at him. The boy�s large brown eyes were filled with tears.

�Pwease don' hurt Kebin,� Timmy begged.

�Oh God,� Todd cried out. He saw himself tugging at his father, begging him not to hurt his mother. �Ohhhh,� Todd moaned as he saw and felt his father push him away so hard his little body hit the wall. Todd would die before he would hurt this child that way. His eyes glazed over as he turned back and stared at Kevin. Todd didn�t want to feel the hatred for Kevin that he was feeling. He didn�t want to frighten this child. Most of all, he didn�t want to take away T�a�s chance for safety and happiness. Todd didn�t know how to make his rage go away. He panicked. His eyes closed and his head drooped for a split second.

�Kebin! Kebin!� Timmy called out. He ran to Kevin and threw his arms around him. �I didn�t wan' Todd to hurt you. He wath weal mad at you.�

Kevin felt Timmy trembling. He hugged him tightly. �I know. It�s okay. Shhhh. Don�t be afraid. Todd was very upset. He didn�t hurt me. It�s all right.�

�I wove you, Kebin. I don' wan' nobowy to hurt you.�

�They won�t. Todd didn�t mean it. He�s just upset. Everything�s all right now,� Kevin assured Timmy.

�Are you thtill my bethtetht fwiend?�

�You bet I am, buddy. I�ve missed you so much.� Kevin gave Timmy a gentle squeeze.

Kevin was surprised that he was able to so completely separate the anger and fear Todd made him feel from the total love he felt for Timmy the second Todd switched. As soon as Kevin was with Timmy, his feelings switched back into protective parental mode. Much to his relief, Kevin knew he still adored this little boy with all his heart.

�I mithed you, too. You thtay wid me and we pway.�

Kevin glanced in Susannah�s direction. He knew he would have to tell Timmy that he was going away for a while.

Sam walked over to where Timmy and Kevin stood. Timmy was still holding on to Kevin.

�Hi, pal. Come give Daddy a hug. I missed you, too.� Sam knew, despite his feelings toward Kevin, Timmy would be devastated when Kevin told him he had to leave.

Timmy looked frightened. He held Kevin tightly. �Will Todd come back and hurt you?�

Susannah approached Timmy. �Hi, sweetie. I don�t think Todd wanted to hurt Kevin or even be angry with him and that�s why he went inside.�

Tears sprang to Kevin�s eyes when he realized that was most likely exactly what happened. Also, he did understand why Todd would be so angry with him. Kevin knew how he would feel if he thought someone he had begun to trust was sleeping with a woman he loved.

�You thure Todd won hurt you?� Timmy asked anxiously. He stared into Kevin�s eyes.

�I�m sure, buddy. I�m very sure,� Kevin promised.

Timmy turned to Sam and hugged him. �Daddy, I wath thcared that Todd wath gonna hurt Kebin.�

�Todd was just angry.� Sam kissed Timmy�s head and glared at Kevin. �He has a lot to be angry about.�

Timmy let go of Sam and looked around. His eyes filled with fear. �Where�th Mommy? Where�th Tee?�

Both Sam and Kevin exchanged anxious looks with Susannah. They knew what Timmy�s reaction was going to be.

Susannah took Timmy�s hand. �Sweetie, come into the dayroom with me. Sam and Kevin will come, too. We need to talk to you.�

�Where�th Mommy and Tee?� Timmy asked again. Tears rolled down his cheeks. �I wan' Mommy and Tee!�

Sam and Kevin looked helplessly at Susannah. They didn�t know what to say.

�They�re not here, right now,� Susannah explained calmly.

�Dhey go way foweber,� Timmy cried out. He pulled away from Susannah and looked around frantically. He ran down the hall to Todd�s room. �Mommy! Tee! Mommy! Mommy! Tee! Don' go way! Mommy! Tee! I be good boy. Don' go way!�

�Oh God,� Kevin said softly.

�Call T�a on her cell phone and explain the situation to her,� Susannah told Janet.

�Should I call Viki, too?� Janet asked.

�No!� Kevin answered before Susannah had a chance to.

�Let Viki come and explain to him herself that she has to go away,� Sam ordered.

�No,� Kevin insisted. �Mom�s already holding on by a thread. It�s killing her to leave Todd. She feels as if she�s being torn in half. If she hears Timmy carrying on like this she�ll go out of her mind with worry. For God�s sake, her daughter and the man she once loved and was married to might be dying.� Kevin�s voice broke with emotion. �Don�t add the burden of knowing Timmy is out.� Kevin understood. He knew he�d have to tell Timmy he was leaving him. Kevin felt as if his heart were being ripped out.

Sam shook his head. �I don�t know. I don�t know what to do.�

�Sam,� Kevin began. �Put yourself in Mom�s place. If one of your kids was critically injured and you had to hear Timmy�s cries in your head the whole time you were away from him and you knew what your leaving would do to him, how would you feel?�

Sam thought for a few more seconds. His eyes welled with tears. �Don�t tell Viki. Let her be.�

Kevin moved closer to Sam. �Thank you.�

Sam looked angrily at Kevin. �I�m not doing this for you!� Sam rushed off to Todd�s room.

Timmy was now checking out the bathroom, still looking and crying out for Viki and T�a.

Frank, Jeff, Terry and Steve stood close.

�Timmy, Mommy and T�a aren�t here, right now. They didn�t leave forever. I promise you,� Terry tried gently.

When he saw they weren�t there, Timmy rushed back out of the bathroom. His face was red and blotchy. He was choking on his sobs. He tried to get back to the hallway when Kevin and Sam came into Todd�s room.

Sam pulled Timmy into his arms.

Timmy immediately tried to squirm away. �Where�th Mommy? Mommy. Mommy. Where�th Tee? Teeeeeee! Dhey go 'way. Dhey go 'way.�

�Sam, let me have him,� Kevin requested. �Please!� he added when Sam was reluctant to let go of Timmy.

Kevin took Timmy into his arms. �Timmy, I need you to listen to me,� Kevin said softly.

�Mommy and Tee go way foweber,� Timmy cried.

Kevin pulled back. He wiped the tears from Timmy�s face with his hands. �Mommy and T�a did not go away forever. I promise.� Kevin took Timmy�s hand and wrapped his pinky around Timmy�s. �Pinky promise.�

Timmy�s chest heaved as he calmed down slightly. �Where�th Mommy and Tee?�

Kevin took Timmy�s hand. �Come sit down with me.�

�I wan' Mommy and Tee,� Timmy wailed.

Janet walked into the room. �Timmy, T�a is on her way. She should be here in less than half an hour. That�s very soon.�

Kevin and Susannah breathed a sigh of relief. Sam wasn�t sure he wanted T�a around Todd or any of the alters, especially one as vulnerable as Timmy

�Wheth�th Mthter Wabbit?� Timmy whimpered.

Frank went to the toy box and unlocked it. He quickly found Mr. Rabbit and handed him to Timmy. He knew that was the toy Timmy always wanted when he was feeling his most vulnerable and frightened. It was the first stuffed animal that Sam and Viki ever bought him and most likely the first one that any of the alters were allowed to have since Peter Manning ripped Bingo out of Baby Todd�s arms when he was two.

Timmy immediately clutched Mr. Rabbit to his chest and buried his face in him.

Kevin turned Timmy around so they were facing each other. �Timmy, do you remember Jessica and Clint?�

Timmy thought for a few seconds and then shook his head. He had no memory of either of them.

Kevin glanced at Susannah. He knew this would make it more difficult. Kevin began again. �Clint is my father and Jessica is my sister.�

�You pway with her?� Timmy asked. There was a tinge of jealousy in his tone.

�No. Jessica is a grown up . . . or almost a grown up.�

Timmy sucked on his first two fingers.

Kevin knew Timmy usually did that when he was anxious and frightened.

�Do your daddy hurt you?� Timmy pulled his fingers out of his mouth just long enough to ask this.

�No. My daddy is a very good man. He never hurt me. My daddy and my sister Jessica were in a car accident. They are both hurt very badly and they are both in a hospital very far away from here.�

�Dhey got boo-boos?� Timmy asked with wide eyes.

Kevin fought to hold back his tears. �Yes. They have very big boo-boos.�

�Mommy can kith dhe boo-boos and make dhem better.�

Kevin smiled. �Mommy�s going to try. Do you understand that Mommy Viki is also my mommy?�

Timmy nodded.

�Since Jessica is my sister. Mommy Viki is also Jessica�s mommy.�

Timmy looked confused. �Dethica�th not a wittle girl?�

�No. Jessica is almost nineteen years old.�

�Dhatth old!� Timmy exclaimed.

Kevin stroked Timmy�s cheek. �Yes. But even at nineteen when someone is hurt very badly they need their mom with them.�

�Is Dethica gonna come thtay wid Mommy and me and Daddy and you and Tee and Dota Hamen and Fwank and Tew . . .�

�No,� Kevin cut Timmy off gently. He took a deep breath and stroked Timmy�s head. �Jessica�s boo-boos are too bad for her to be moved right now. Mommy and I have to go to where she is, in a place called Arizona.�

�Is dhat by dhe pwaywoom?� Timmy asked innocently.

Kevin�s eyes closed in despair.

Susannah sat down on the bed, on Timmy�s other side. �Sweetie, Arizona is a place that�s far away from here. Mommy and Kevin have to go there for a little while to be with Jessica and Kevin�s daddy.�

�Noooo!� Timmy cried out. Tears splashed down his face again. He threw his arms around Kevin. �You and Mommy don' go 'way. You and Mommy don' go 'way.�

Kevin hugged Timmy tightly. �I love you. You�re my bestest friend in the whole world. I would never go away unless I had to. I�ll be back. Timmy, I promise you I�ll come back and so will Mommy. We�re not leaving forever. Pinkie promise. Daddy and T�a and Doctor Hanen and all the staff here are going to stay with you. I need you to stay here to take care of everyone for Mommy and me.�

�No,� Timmy continued to cry. He held onto Kevin for dear life. �Daddy and Tee and me and Dota Hamen go wid you. Ewewybody go wid you and Mommy to Awidona. Dota Hamen fix Dethica and your daddy. The awwys fix me weal good.�

Tears filled Susannah�s eyes. �Sweetie, Jessica and Clint need special doctors there. We can�t all go. I know you�re very frightened that Kevin and Mommy are not going to come back. We promise you that they are. Kevin and Mommy Viki would never leave you forever. Would you like to draw a picture for Kevin to take with him?�

�No!� Timmy angrily declared. �Kebin don, wanna be my bestest fwiend no more. He wikes Dethica dhe betht.�

Kevin was using all his inner strength to keep from crying. �I love both you and Jessica very much. She�s hurt and I have to see her. Do you remember when I came to see you when you had a boo-boo?�

Timmy nodded. �Are you daking Adam wid you?� Timmy asked through trembling lips.

�No. Absolutely not. Adam is going to stay right here,� Kevin stated. An idea came to Kevin. �Show me how you can count to three,� Kevin requested.

Timmy held up one finger at a time as he counted . . . �one . . . dwo . . . dhree.� He looked at Kevin with his big brown eyes.

�That�s how many times a day I�m going to call you from Arizona.� Kevin gently moved each of Timmy�s fingers back and forth as he counted. �One . . . two . . . three times . . . every day.�

Timmy thought about it. �Mommy caw me dhis many times awtho?�

�It won�t be as easy for Mommy to get to a phone as it will be for Kevin, pal,� Sam told Timmy. He was relieved to see that Timmy was calming down.

�That�s right Timmy.� Kevin immediately picked up on Sam�s statement. �But I know that Mommy will tell me to say hello to you every single time and tell me to tell you how much she loves you and misses you. Then one day soon we�ll both tell you that we�re coming back home to you.�

Everyone looked toward the door when T�a came into the room.

Timmy ran to her and threw his arms around her. �Tee. Tee. Kebin and Mommy are going far away to Awidona widout me.�

T�a kissed Timmy�s forehead. �I know, Angelito. I heard. Daddy and I are going to be right here with you. And Kevin and Mommy will come back before you know it.�

�Kebin thaid pinkie pwomithe he come back.�

�There you go. You know Kevin never breaks a pinkie promise to you,� T�a reminded him.

�Dethica�s Kebin�s thithter. The got big boo-boos and Cwint Kebin�s daddy and he got big boo-boos.�

T�a glanced at Kevin. Her eyes were filled with compassion. �I know. They were hurt very badly and that�s why Mommy and Kevin have to be there with them.�

Kevin looked at his watch. He then looked out the window. The fog seemed to be lifting. Kevin knew he had to get back to Llanfair and he and Viki had to leave for the airport soon. He also wanted to call the hospital in Arizona. He was terrified that they might already be too late.

Kevin stood up and walked over to T�a and Timmy. �Timmy, I have to leave soon. Would you like to draw with me or play a game with me before I go?�

�Nooooo,� Timmy cried out again. He wrapped his arms around Kevin and clung to him tightly. �You thtay wid me more.�

�Angelito,� T�a tried to gently pull Timmy away from Kevin. �I�ve missed you so much. After Kevin leaves will you play with me or do a puzzle with me? We can read a book. I know, why don�t we read that bird book you love.�

�Tee, you tell Daddy and Dota Hamen and ewewybody that we go wid Kebin and Mommy.�

T�a held her hand out to Timmy. �Let�s go sit over there.� T�a pointed to a place near the corner of the room where Timmy liked to play and do puzzles. Timmy took her hand. They both sat on the floor when they got to Timmy�s special spot. T�a put her arm around Timmy. He rested his head on her shoulder.

�Angelito, I promise you, too. Kevin and Mommy are going to come back to you. I�ve known your mommy and Kevin for a long time and I know they would never break a promise to you. They need to be with Jessica and Clint now in the hospital in Arizona. Kevin and Mommy need you to help them by staying here with the rest of us. We can�t all go and your daddy and Doctor Hanen and all the staff here and I would be so sad if you went to Arizona too and we couldn�t be with you.�

Timmy looked up at T�a with huge sad eyes. �You�d mith me?�

T�a smiled. She held Timmy close to her and kissed his forehead. �I�d miss you so much my heart would break.�

�No, Tee!� Timmy got up on his knees and threw his arms around T�a. He rested his head on her shoulder again. �I don' wan' your heart to get a boo-boo. I thtay wid you.�

T�a gently rubbed Timmy�s back. �Thank you, Angelito.�

Kevin knelt down in back of T�a so he could see Timmy�s face. �Timmy, I�m so proud of you. You are the best bestest friend in the whole world. I�m going to tell Mommy what a brave boy you are. I know she will be so proud of you, too. Will you do something for me?�

Timmy lifted his head from T�a�s shoulder and nodded.

�Will you help me make a get well card to take to Jessica?�

Timmy nodded again, eagerly.

�Thank you,� Kevin said lovingly. �You draw so much better than I do. Jessica will be happy when she sees that you helped make the card just for her.�

�The will?� Timmy looked puzzled. �Dethica wike me?�

�She loves you very much. I know you don�t remember her. Jessica knows Todd and she loves him very much. She loves you too because you live inside of Todd and because Mommy and I have told Jessica what a wonderful, smart and special little boy you are. She would love to come here and meet you someday.� Kevin prayed that Jessica would get to do that.

�You know something else,� T�a pointed out. �Jessica used to take care of Moose for Todd. She loved Moose very much.�

�Dethica woved Moothe!� Timmy�s eyes were wide with excitement.

�Yes, she did,� T�a confirmed. �So, you see, you and Jessica already have something in common.�

Timmy stood up. He walked over to his toy box and plopped down on his knees again, in front of it. He rummaged around until he found what he was looking for. He stood up and walked back to where Kevin sat on the floor.

�You give dhis to Dethica,� Timmy held Moose, his beloved stuffed parrot, in his hand.

�You want to give Moose to Jessica?� Kevin wanted to be sure. He knew how much Timmy loved the stuffed toy.

�Moothe make me feel gooder, too, wike Mthter Wabbit. He make Dethica feel gooder, too. Weal Moothe make Todd feel gooder when he talk to him and pet him. Me too. I wove weal Moothe and Dethica wove weal Moothe, jutht like Todd.� Timmy kissed his toy on the beak. �Moothe, you be good bird. I mith you. You help make Dethica feel gooder. I thtill wove you.�

Kevin hugged Timmy tightly. He kissed the top of his head. �You are such a good, sweet, generous boy. I�m so proud of you. Jessica will be very happy to have this Moose with her. When I tell her how much you love him and yet you still gave him to her, it will mean everything to her like it does to me. Every time I see Moose I will think of you and I�ll tell Moose that very soon we�re going to get back to Timmy because we love him very, very much.�

Timmy looked up at Kevin with eyes that were still filled with sadness and fear. �You and Mommy weally come back?�

Kevin stroked Timmy�s head. �Oh, yes. We would be the saddest people in the whole world if we stayed away from you forever. Now let�s make that get well card. Okay?�

Timmy nodded.

�The art room is clear and Laura already put out what you�ll need. It�s all set up and just waiting for you to get there,� Terry informed Timmy and Kevin. She knew Kevin didn�t have much time and on the chance that Timmy calmed down enough, Terry wanted everything to be ready, so she called the art room to make sure it was all right for them to use it and then explained the situation to Laura, who got everything ready.

�Tee and Daddy and Dota Hamen and Fwank come, too?� Timmy pleaded, more than asked.

Susannah nodded to those around her. Timmy needed to have his way this time. He was still traumatized by the realization that Viki and Kevin were going to leave him.

Timmy held Kevin�s hand tightly all the way to the art room. Everyone else walked behind them.

�He seems to be handling it all right for now,� T�a whispered to Sam.

Sam turned to T�a. His stare was as cold as ice. �I don�t want you near him when I�m not around,� Sam whispered back, in a tone that was as cold as his stare.

He walked ahead, leaving T�a standing there, stunned. T�a quickly pulled herself together and continued on the to the art room. She knew she couldn�t discuss this with Sam while Timmy was around. She wondered if Blair or Todd had said something to Sam to make him distrust her. T�a realized that with Sam�s current state of mind, it would not take much to push him over the edge. T�a felt sick to her stomach when the realization hit her. With Viki in Arizona, Sam would be Todd�s only legal guardian. For the first time since Todd had been hospitalized, T�a cursed herself for not becoming his guardian herself. T�a knew Viki wanted Sam to be Todd�s guardian and she did not want to go behind her back when Viki could not be there to stand up for what she wanted. Still, T�a knew if it came to a matter of Todd�s safety, she�d do whatever she had to do, no matter what Todd told her earlier.

**********

�You tell me what Dethica wooks wike?� Timmy requested.

�She�s very pretty,� Kevin�s eyes filled up with tears. He couldn�t continue.

T�a quickly took over. �She has blonde hair and very pretty blue eyes. Angelito, would you like me to help you pick out a blue crayon that matches the color of Jessica�s eyes?� T�a hoped to distract Timmy until Kevin could collect himself.

Timmy nodded. T�a tested several shades of blue until she found the one that reminded her of Jessica�s eyes. �There you go,� she handed it to Timmy. T�a rubbed Kevin�s back. �You okay?� she whispered. T�a didn�t see Sam looking daggers at her.

Kevin nodded. He continued to silently watch Timmy draw. �Wow!� Kevin exclaimed when Timmy held up the picture. �That does look like Jessica�

Timmy asked what Clint looked like and then proceeded to draw him. He drew Kevin and Viki too. When he was finished he held up the card again. �Dhis Dethica happy wid you and Mommy and her daddy when the all fixthd up.�

Kevin hugged Timmy. �Jessie will love this, buddy. Mommy will, too.� Kevin hugged Timmy again and kissed his head. �That�s from Mommy. I know she will be as proud of you as I am when she sees this.�

For the first time since Kevin got there, Timmy managed a small smile. �You pway dhe cars widh me before you go to Awidona?�

Kevin looked at his watch.

�I called the airport about ten minutes ago,� Frank spoke up. �The fog is still too heavy. Nothing�s leaving or landing. They said it will be at least another couple of hours.�

�Thank you,� Kevin called out gratefully. A part of him cursed the fog because he wanted to get to Arizona, another part couldn�t bear to tear himself away from Timmy. Kevin understood just how his mother felt.

Frank didn�t mention that Nancy told him Viki called. She wanted to know how Todd was doing and asked if she should come back to the hospital as long as there was a delay. Honoring Kevin�s request, and because it was true at that moment, Nancy only told her that everything was fine and there was no need for her to come all the way back to the hospital.

�Come on buddy. Let�s get to those cars,� Kevin said as he took Timmy by the hand.

**********

When they got to the playroom, Timmy asked, �Tee, Daddy, you wan pway, too?�

�I�d love to,� T�a responded.

�Daddy�ll watch. Okay, pal?� Sam felt physically exhausted. On top of that he did not trust himself to participate in something with Kevin and T�a. He wished Timmy�s need for them wasn�t so great. �Besides, don�t you want to have a big audience, like real race car drivers have?� Sam added when he saw Timmy seemed disappointed.

Timmy thought about it for a moment. �Kebin, Daddy, Dota Hamen, Fwank and Tewwy be dhe awience.�

�Well then we�d better put on a good show for them and really make those cars fly,� Kevin kidded.

As they had done before, Kevin sat on the floor and Timmy sat cross-legged in front of him so Kevin could manipulate Timmy�s fingers to work the remotes. T�a sat next to them.

�Gibe Mthter Wabbit wide,� Timmy asked excitedly. He remembered that Kevin did that last time.

Kevin propped the stuffed rabbit on one of the cars and helped Timmy manipulate the remote so the toy went riding off.

Timmy giggled in delight. �Mthter Wabbit wide dhe car! Mthter Wabbit wide dhe car,� Timmy called out happily.

His �audience� smiled and applauded. Even, Sam managed a smile in response to Timmy�s happiness.

�Again Kebin,� Timmy requested.

Kevin and T�a noticed that Timmy�s speech didn�t sound right, even for Timmy. They also noticed that his jaw looked to be at an odd angle. His teeth seemed to be mashing together.

Before they had a chance to call to Susannah, Timmy dropped the remote and cried out in pain. He grabbed his jaw and mouth and then his neck. Timmy�s head was cocked at an odd angle to the side.

Kevin cradled Timmy in his arms. �What�s happening to him?� Kevin called out frantically.

�It hurrrrrrts,� Timmy managed to get out. His upper and lower teeth were tightly clenched together.

�Oh my God,� T�a cried. Everything from Timmy�s neck up seemed to be at some odd and painful looking angle.

�Mooooommyyyyyy,� Timmy managed to cry.

Susannah, Frank and Terry rushed over, as did Sam.

�GET AWAY FROM HIM! WHAT DID YOU TWO DO TO HIM?� Sam screamed.

�Sam, you need to stand out of the way,� Susannah ordered.

�What did you do to him?� Sam asked quietly this time. His heart was pounding. He didn�t know if he should let them near Timmy to help him or try to keep them away. Since Sam had no idea what to do for Timmy, he moved away.

Susannah felt Timmy�s jaw and neck.

�Mooooommmmy,� Timmy cried out again. This time it was difficult to understand him. He couldn�t open his jaw enough to get the word out.

�Fifty milligrams Benadryl IM,� Susannah ordered. �Timmy, we�re going to make it stop hurting. I know you�re very frightened. You�re having a reaction to a medicine we gave Todd. It�s called an acute dystonic reaction.� Susannah explained this for Timmy�s family more than for Timmy. She knew he was too frightened and in too much pain to understand even the simplest part of what she just said.

�The medication you gave him is doing this to him!� Sam bellowed angrily.

�Sam, it�s one of the extrapyramidal side effects to the neuroleptic,� Susannah reminded Sam. She had explained all about it when she discussed Todd�s medication. �It�s most likely being caused by the Haldol we gave Todd, not his regular medication.�

T�a stroked Timmy�s head and Susannah stroked his leg as Kevin held him tightly. Timmy was in too much pain and too frightened to struggle much.

Other staff came in with Terry.

�Kevin, hold him very tightly for just a minute,� Susannah instructed. She didn�t ask Kevin to hand Timmy over to the staff. She knew what little comfort Timmy was getting came from being in Kevin�s arms and having T�a nearby.

Susannah and the staff assisted in positioning Timmy and holding him still.

Sam was doing everything in his power to keep from trying to pull Timmy away from all of them. He felt like he was standing away from his body as he watched them work on Timmy. Sam thought about the money Asa placed in Susannah�s bank account. Then he thought of the look in Susannah�s eyes when she spoke of how much she cared for Todd and the alters. He couldn�t imagine her deliberately causing this kind of suffering to Timmy or to any of them. Yet, Blair�s information continued to eat its way through Sam�s mind, like a cancer. Now they were giving Timmy another drug. Every instinct in Sam screamed at him to knock that syringe out of Terry�s hand. He didn�t. What if he was wrong and it would ease Timmy�s pain? What choice did he have? He had no idea how to help Timmy. He couldn�t subject him to the trauma pulling him away from T�a and Kevin and dragging him to another hospital, all the while in such excruciating pain. So Sam did nothing. He watched as Terry administered the medication.

�Sweetie, you�re going to feel a little pinch in your thigh. The medicine will make it stop hurting,� Susannah said soothingly.

�Noooo. Noooo thot,� Timmy tried to cry out. He couldn�t because of his clenched jaw. They could still see the terror in his eyes and the tears that poured down his cheeks. He wasn�t able to struggle with all those hands holding him securely. Terry quickly injected the Benadryl.

Kevin continued to cradle Timmy and T�a continued to stroke and kiss his head until the medication began to ease the painful spasms.

Even though he stayed snuggled in Kevin�s arms, Timmy wasn�t making eye contact with Kevin, T�a or anyone. He dissociated into his own world. He sucked his thumb, made small whimpering sounds, and stared off into space. He looked dazed and confused, as if he couldn�t figure out what had happened to him or why those who love him allowed something to hurt him so badly.

T�a and Kevin�s hearts were breaking. The child they both loved so much had been suffering and there was nothing either of them could do but try to comfort him.

Sam stood frozen. He stared at what was happening to Timmy as if he were watching a movie. Blair�s words, �Doctor Hanen might believe that no one would ever suspect her and look into her private business or like the PI I hired suggested . . . there�s nothing criminal about taking money from Asa. Doctor Hanen and Asa might believe that it could be explained away if someone should ask,� played over and over again in Sam�s mind. He desperately wanted to get to Viki before she left. He knew he couldn�t add to her grief. Sam felt completely alone.

Finally Timmy spoke. �Kebin, Tee,� he whispered. Tears continued to stream down his face. �I thcared. It hurrrts.�

Susannah checked Timmy�s neck and jaw. There was a vast improvement. �Sweetie, does it hurt as much?�

�No,� Timmy confirmed. �I wan' Mommy. I wan' my mommy,� he whimpered.

Kevin and T�a were not able to hold their own tears back. They didn�t know if Timmy wanted Viki or Barbara Manning. Often when he was sick or in pain he cried out for Barbara.

T�a saw that Kevin could not speak. �Angelito, I know you want Mommy, but she�s can�t come here right now. Will you let me hold you?�

�We need to get Timmy into bed,� Susannah said as she gently rubbed Timmy�s arm.

Timmy looked up at T�a. �I wan' you way down widh me?� Timmy remembered the way his mother would sometimes lay next to him when he was hurt or sick, or when he couldn�t sleep, if she wasn�t too drunk, and if Peter wasn�t home.

�Of course, I�ll lie down with you,� T�a immediately agreed.

�Kebin, I wan' you to come widh me awtho.�

�Sure, buddy. I�ll tuck you in.� Timmy looked so confused and fragile that Kevin prayed for the strength to keep it together until he left the hospital.

�Daddy,� Timmy called out weakly. �Daddy?� Timmy repeated when Sam didn�t answer him.

�I�m here, pal. I�m sorry,� Sam apologized. Sam felt dazed and frightened. He didn�t know what to do or which way to turn.

�Daddy, you come to my woom widh me.�

Sam reached down and stroked Timmy�s head. �Sure, pal. Daddy�ll be right with you.�

***********

�There we go, snug as a bug in a rug,� Kevin said as he tucked the sheet and blanket around Timmy. It was one of the things Kevin remembered his birth father, Joe Riley, saying to him when he would tuck him in.

Timmy was snuggled up next to T�a. She held him incased in her arm. His head rested on her chest. Mr. Rabbit was clutched in Timmy�s arm. Kevin sat at the edge of the bed.

Timmy looked up at Kevin. �Ith Awidona far way?�

�Yeah, Timmy, it is,� Kevin admitted. �But you know you will never be more than this far away from me.� Kevin held his hands a few inches apart. Kevin then placed his hand on his heart. �You will be right here. No matter where I am you are always in my heart.�

�Kebin, you in my heart, awso.� Timmy placed his hand on his own heart.

�You know what else?� Kevin asked softly.

Timmy shook his head.

�When you are well enough, I�ll take you to Arizona and you can learn to ride a horse. Do you think you�d like that?�

Timmy�s eyes widened with excitement. �A weal horthey?�

�Yep. In fact, you can even have your own horse and you can learn to feed him and take care of him as well as ride him.�

�Tee! Daddy! Kebin�s gonna gibe me my own horthey!� Timmy exclaimed happily.

�Wow!� T�a said. �I think you will be great at horseback riding.�

�Daddy, Kebin thay he gibe me horthey,� Timmy repeated.

�That�s great, pal. I know you�ll take very good care of him.� Sam was having trouble focusing. He thought to himself that he�d never allow Kevin to take Timmy anywhere, let alone someplace as far away as Arizona.

�Wandy wike doggy cookies. I feed horthey cookies to my horthey.� Timmy yawned. The Benadryl was making him sleepy.

T�a and Kevin smiled.

�He might even like an apple or two with those cookies,� Kevin said and kissed Timmy�s forehead.

Jeff came into the room. �Kevin, the fog is lifting. The airport said flights will be okay for takeoff in about ninety minutes.�

Kevin took a deep breath and swallowed hard. He turned to Jeff. �Thanks.�

Kevin and T�a exchanged looks.

�Timmy,� Kevin began. �I have to leave now.�

Timmy�s chin and lower lip began to tremble. �You weally don' go 'way foweber?�

Kevin pulled Timmy to him and held him tightly. �You�re my boy. I�d never, ever leave you forever.� A thought stung Kevin�s mind. He knew he could never in good conscience make that promise to his son Duke. Yet he also knew without a doubt that it was true in Timmy�s case. He still had no idea why this child . . . this part of Todd . . . got to him the way he did. Kevin kissed the top of Timmy�s head. �Will you take good care of T�a and Daddy and Doctor Hanen and everyone here for me?�

Timmy nodded. He held up three fingers. �You call me dhis many times ewewyday?�

�Pinkie promise. Not one day will go by when I don�t call you three times.� Kevin realized that promise could only extend to Timmy. If Todd came back, Kevin would be the last person he�d want to talk to.

Timmy held onto Kevin. �I wove you.�

Kevin pulled back a little so he could see Timmy�s sweet, young face. He brushed back the hair that had fallen in Timmy�s eyes. �I love you, too. I love you more than I ever thought possible.� Kevin gently rested Timmy back into T�a�s arms. �Mommy is going to be so proud of you. I know she can hardly wait until she can come back to you.�

�You kith Mommy for me?�

�Yes. I�ll give Mommy a big kiss from you. It will make her very, very happy.�

Timmy stared into Kevin�s eyes. �I hope Dethica�th boo-boos get better and your daddy�s boo-boos get better.�

�I do too, buddy,� Kevin said softly. He stroked and kissed Timmy�s head one more time. He collected Moose from the chair and left. He could feel Timmy�s big, frightened eyes following him out the door. Kevin held it together while the staff told him Jessica and Clint would be in their prayers. He held it together while he was on the elevator and as he walked through the lobby. It was when Kevin was alone in his car that gut wrenching sobs shook his body.

*******

Chapter 126� Part 3

Timmy began to cry the second Kevin was out the door. He lay on his side, snuggled up to T�a. She gently rubbed his back and sang to him until he fell asleep.

Sam watched. He saw how much Timmy loved T�a. He knew how much all of them, especially Todd, loved T�a. That made all of them vulnerable to her, vulnerable and in no condition to protect themselves. Sam turned to Frank. �Can you please help T�a rest Timmy on the bed? I need to speak with her, outside.�

�Sure, Sam,� Frank immediately agreed. He carefully and tenderly took Timmy from T�a�s arms and situated him in a comfortable position. He pulled the sheet and blanket up over him.

�Let�s go,� Sam said to T�a. It sounded more like an order than a request.

T�a was surprised by Sam�s tone. He�d been sitting there like a zombie for most of the time.

***********

Sam walked to the lounge near Timmy�s room. T�a followed.

�He seems to be okay now. He took the news about Kevin and Viki leaving better than I thought he would,� T�a said once she and Sam were seated.

�Didn�t he suffer enough to please you?� Sam snapped.

�Wha . . . Sam, what the hell do you mean by that?� T�a couldn�t believe Sam said that.

�I don�t want you around Timmy or Todd or any of them anymore.�

T�a�s blood ran cold. �Sam, you can�t mean that?�

�The hell I can�t. I let them call you today because of the circumstances. From what I understand, Todd doesn�t want you here and neither do I.�

�I�m Todd�s wife. I have every right to see him and the alters,� T�a said angrily. She immediately calmed herself and tried reason. �You know it will crush Timmy if I�m not here when he wakes up. He will be sure he was lied to and Viki and Kevin will never come back.�

�Let me worry about my kid.�

�Sam, tell me why you don�t want me here,� T�a continued to force herself to keep calm.

Sam laughed a sick sounding laugh. �You and Kevin think you have everyone fooled don�t you? You have Viki fooled, that�s for sure . . . the staff here too . . . then again they probably know all about it . . . might have even been their idea. You�re good. I�ll give you both that.�

Sam frightened T�a. He sounded very ill. �Blair did this, didn�t she?� T�a asked with more anger in her voice now than fear. �She said or did something to get you to believe that garbage she is spewing.�

�I have eyes, T�a! I�m not crazy! I don�t need someone else to do my thinking for me.�

�You have eyes? What the hell is it that you think you saw?�

�You and Kevin are quite the team with Timmy, just like you were with Adam. It�s almost like you know what the other is thinking.�

�We both love Timmy and Adam and want the same things for them,� T�a responded. �Sam, I think it would be better for everyone if you just told me what you�re thinking.�

Sam remembered Blair�s warning. If he let on that he knew what they were all up to, they might take it out on Todd. �What I�m thinking is that I have an obligation to honor Todd�s wishes. He does not want you here. You studied the same laws that I did, T�a. You know that I have a right to say who visits Todd and who doesn�t. I want you to wait here while I go inside and get your bag and then I want you to leave.�

�Sam, don�t do this,� T�a begged. �Timmy will think I walked out of his life forever.�

�I�ll take care of my child! Do you think I�m incapable of doing that because I let Peter Manning torture Todd and those children right under my own nose? I know I screwed up! I know Todd wouldn�t be this sick if I had helped him. Why don�t you say it! You don�t think I can ever make it up to him or be a good father to him any more than I was a good father to my own children. You don�t think I can be a good husband to Viki any more than I was to Lindsay. I see you and Viki having all those private little chats. You think I don�t know what�s going on? You think I don�t know that you�re telling her that I�m not fit to take care of her and Todd. You think I don�t know all of you are trying to poison Todd and Viki against me . . . except Susannah . . . she made things right between Pete and me . . . NO! It was an act. It was all an act.�

Sam began to pace as he rattled on. �I�m not crazy, T�a! I�m not stupid either. My judgment may have been totally off when Todd was growing up, but now I know what�s going on. I�m going to make it up to Todd. I�m going to prove to Viki that I�m not the incompetent lunatic you, Kevin, Susannah and everyone tells her that I am. I�m not losing my mind. I�m just getting it back and I can see everything clearly now. The agony all of you put that child through today will never happen again. Susannah knew exactly what she was doing when she gave Todd that medication. Oh, I�m sure she didn�t intend for Timmy to be out when that poison she pumped into Todd did the trick. No, it was Todd you all wanted to see suffer that way.�

Sam ran his fingers through his hair several times as he continued to pace. �Viki will see. She won�t be sorry that she trusted me. I won�t be a disappointment to her like I was to Lindsay. Todd can trust me. I saw the bruises and I let him go back. I won�t this time. My own kids don�t care if they ever see me. Todd cares. He wants to go home with me. He lets me know and I don�t hear. I don�t want to hear. I hear now. Viki will see. I won�t let anyone hurt our kid. Todd will trust me again. I stopped Garret. You all think I should be sorry. I�m not! Don�t think I�m not on to all of you.�

Sam was babbling almost incoherently. T�a was terrified for him. She was even more terrified for Todd and the alters. �Sam! For God�s sake, listen to yourself. You�re scaring me. Please. You can�t honestly believe that Doctor Hanen or any of us wanted Todd, Timmy or any of them to be in the kind of pain Timmy was in. I know how much you love Todd and how much you want to make things up to him. Viki knows, too. I have never told her to cut you out of Todd�s life. Doctor Hanen did want to make things right between you and Pete. I know you love Viki and she loves you. I would never . . .�

Sam stared at T�a. �You don�t fool me. I see the way you�re looking at me. You want me to think I�m crazy. All of you think you can do to me what you�ve done to Todd. No! I�m the coach. I�m the one that takes care of him. I�m going to be a good father to him. You want to take that away . . . from Todd . . . from me . . . all of you do.� Sam stopped pacing and talking and stared into space for a few seconds. �Okay. I want you to leave. You�re stalling for time . . . hoping Timmy will wake up and want you in there with him. T�a, don�t make me force you to leave.�

T�a saw a look in Sam�s eyes that she had not seen before. She could tell he believed every word he said. She did not want to chance upsetting Timmy. �All right. I�ll leave this area. I do want to talk to Doctor Hanen before I go.�

�You can call her up. I want you off this unit. T�a, don�t force my hand. You might be Todd�s wife, for now. I�m his legal guardian.�

�I�ll go,� T�a conceded. �Sam, please think about what you�re doing. I think you know in your heart that I love Todd and the alters with every fiber of my being. I would never deliberately do anything to hurt them and neither would Kevin, Doctor Hanen nor anyone here.�

********

�You�re leaving?� a surprised Janet asked T�a.

T�a saw that Sam had followed her to the nurses' station and was watching her every move. She did not want to make him any more paranoid than he was by whispering to Janet. �Yes. Sam feels it's better that I leave,� T�a said loud enough for Sam to hear.

Janet turned and looked at Sam. She immediately knew that something was very wrong.

�I�ll let you out,� Janet patted T�a�s arm and said.

The moment the doors closed behind T�a, Sam walked to the nurses' station. �I�m going to the pay phone in the hallway. I�ll be right back.� Sam was terrified of leaving Timmy alone for even the few minutes that his phone call would take. He had no choice.

�You can use the phone here,� Janet offered.

�No. It�s a private business call,� Sam answered and headed for the doors.

As soon as Janet buzzed him out. She rushed to Susannah�s office.

**********

�Tomato or chicken noodle?� Blair asked Starr. Blair loved this time a day. Once the nanny left, she got to spend a few hours with Starr before it was time for her to go to bed.

�Can we mix them and make tomato noodle?� Starr asked.

Blair laughed and thought for a moment. �Sure, why not? We just may have to call up Mr. Campbell and tell him we have a new flavor soup for him. We�ll call it the Starr Manning special recipe.�

Starr giggled. �Can I mix it?�

�You sure can cutie patootie. Just don�t turn the stove on unless I�m there with you.�

�I�m not a baby,� Starr complained.

Blair bent down and hugged her daughter. �You�ll always be my baby, even when you have your own grandchildren running all over the house.�

�Silly, Mommy,� Starr giggled again. They both turned when they heard Blair�s cell phone ring.

�You go ahead into the kitchen and set the table. I�ll be right in.�

�I�ll open the soup, too,� Starr stated.

�Can you hold for a sec please,� Blair said into the phone before she knew who was on the other end. �No, sweetie, wait for me to do that. I don�t want you to cut yourself on the edges of the can.�

�Mom! I�m old enough to know how to open a can.�

Blair sighed. �All right, but you be very careful. Hello,� Blair said into the phone after Starr left the room.

�You need to get Starr out of the apartment.�

�What? Sam is that you?�

�Yes! I don�t have a lot of time. Timmy is out and he�s alone. Todd doesn�t want Starr there with him. You need to get Starr out of there now!�

Blair�s heart pounded. �What happened?�

�You�re right. They�re doing things to Todd to hurt him. Timmy was just in excruciating pain from a drug Susannah gave Todd. Kevin and T�a were with him when it happened.�

Blair�s could hardly catch her breath. �I-is Timmy all right?�

�He seems to be. Something terrible happened. Clint and Jessica Buchanan were in a serious car accident. No one knows if they�ll even pull through. Viki has to go to Arizona. Kevin is going, too. I can�t watch over Timmy all by myself. If I fall asleep or go to take a shower he�ll be unprotected.�

�Oh, my God,� Blair exclaimed. Suddenly the realization hit her. �Then you are the only guardian there.�

�Yes. I�m taking Timmy out of here. I�m bringing him to the penthouse.�

Blair broke out in perspiration. �Now? You�re bringing him here now?�

�Yes,� Sam said quietly.

�You know how much I want Todd here, but I-I can�t get a staff here that quickly. What if he . . .�

�Are you afraid of being around Todd?� Sam accused.

�No! You know I�m not, but the courts . . .�

�The courts have nothing to do with this. I�m not petitioning the courts to take Todd away from Viki or out of the hospital. As his guardian I have every right to take him out of here without anyone�s permission.�

Blair never thought it would work out this simply. No judge to impress or convince. �What about Todd�s medications?� Blair asked.

�He still has the PEG tube in. I�ve seen how they do it a hundred times. I�ll get Susannah to write prescriptions. They�ll have to be legitimate prescriptions. She�ll know a pharmacist will be seeing them. I don�t want Todd on all those drugs anyway. I know he needs the Dilantin. I�ll find out from the pharmacist if the others can be stopped suddenly. Look, Blair, I told you that I don�t have a lot of time. Timmy is alone with the staff. Do you want Todd to come to the penthouse or not? If you don�t, I�ll take him to Llanfair or to a hotel.�

�How can you ask that? Of course, I want you to bring Todd here. This is his home. I�ll need a couple of hours. I have to talk to Starr and to Dorian. I have to find out how quickly she . . . I mean that I can get the doctor, nurses and techs here.�

�Fine!� Sam looked at his watch. �I�ll be there with Timmy or whoever is out in two hours.� Sam hung up.

Blair stood perfectly still. She was too stunned to move. Blair knew she was totally unprepared. She would not let that stop her. �Finally, Todd is coming back to us, to his family and away from that sadistic, gold digging bitch. Starr,� Blair called out.

Starr walked back into the living room. Her face was slightly smudged with tomato soup. She couldn�t resist tasting some on her finger after she opened the can. �Yes, Mommy.�

�Sweetie, come here. I need to talk to you about something very important.� Blair walked to the couch with Starr.

�Is it about Daddy?� Starr asked.

Surprise registered in Blair�s eyes. �Yes. How did you know?�

�Because nothing is more important than Daddy. Is he bad sick again?�

�No, sweetie. In fact, Daddy is going to be much better very soon. Sam is going to bring Daddy here. He�s not going to be in the hospital anymore.�

Starr hopped off the couch and started to jump up and down. �Daddy�s coming home! Daddy�s coming home!�

�Yes, baby. He is. There is a little pr . . .�

�Daddy�s coming home.� Starr spun around and around hugging herself. �I�m going to go upstairs and get out all the drawings I made for Daddy and get out all the games we like to play and I�m going to see if there are Cheese Doodles in the pantry. Daddy loves Cheese Doodles. I�ll set up a tea party so it�ll be all ready for when Dadd . . .�

�Starr, honey, you need to listen to me.� Blair looked into Starr�s big blue eyes staring up at her. She didn�t realize it would be this difficult. She never wanted to think about that part. �Starr, Daddy needs to be here with just Mommy and Sam for the first few days he�s home . . . maybe even for the first week or two.�

Starr�s eyes filled with tears. �Why? Doesn�t Daddy want to be with me, too?�

�Yes.� Blair hugged Starr. �Oh, sweetie pie, of course he does. It just takes some time for someone to get back to being themselves after they�ve been in the hospital for a long time. Daddy wants to make sure he�s back to being himself before you see him.�

�But I love Daddy no matter who he is.�

Now Blair began to cry. �I know you do. Daddy loves you no matter what is going on with him, too. It will just be better for Daddy if he feels confident that he�s okay before he spends time with you. Daddy is on a lot of medication. He needs to stop taking it before he can be himself again. It will take a little time for it to get out of his system. Starr. I promise you. The very second Daddy feels okay enough to see you; I�ll come and get you. In the meantime, you�re going to stay with Auntie Dorian and Uncle Mel. Maybe the weather will turn warm enough for Dorian to open the pool soon.�

�I don�t want to go to a dumb old pool. I want to be here with Daddy!� Starr insisted.

�I know you do. Sweetie, I�m sorry. It has to be this way for now. Daddy will become very upset if he sees you before he�s ready.�

Starr thought for a few moments. �I don�t ever want to make Daddy upset and real sick again.�

�Nothing you have ever done or could do would make Daddy sick,� Blair made sure to assure Starr. �It would upset him. You know, make him uncomfortable. Do you remember the way you felt right before you had to make your entrance in that school play last month?�

Starr nodded. �I was afraid that I wasn�t ready and everything wasn�t perfect.�

�That�s right. But you were ready and perfect. That�s all Daddy wants. He wants to be ready and perfect before he sees you. Starr, you�ll be helping Daddy very much if you go to Auntie Dorian�s and you do not try to come back here to see Daddy until I say it�s okay.�

Starr looked down. She pouted, but finally said, �Okay, I promise. You promise you�ll get me the very, very, very, second Daddy says he feels ready to see me?�

Blair hugged Starr again. �I promise. I swear. You�re being such a brave and mature girl about this. I know Daddy will be very proud when I tell him. Now I want you to go upstairs and pack what you�ll need for a couple of days. I�ll bring some more of your things to Auntie Dorian�s in a day or two.�

�Okay,� Starr agreed. �Can you tell Auntie Dorian not to wear so much perfume while I�m there? It makes my eyes itch and it stinks.�

Blair smiled. �Yes. I�ll tell her.� So much like Todd Blair thought to herself. �Todd, I know this is the right thing for you. You�ll be healthy and happy again once you�re back with your little girl and me,� Blair vowed.

*********

Just as Janet sat down at Susannah�s desk to tell her that Sam demanded T�a leave, Susannah�s phone rang.

�Doctor Hanen, it�s T�a.�

�T�a?� Susannah was surprised. �I thought you were in Timmy�s room with him.�

�No, I�m in the hospital lobby. I�m at a payphone near the gift shop. Sam insisted I leave. Something�s going on with him. He believes that you deliberately hurt Timmy and that Kevin and I had something to do with it. Doctor Hanen, Timmy�s going to wake up and he�ll be sure that I left him forever. I didn�t want to set Sam off even more, so I left the area. I�m very frightened. With Viki out of town Sam is Todd�s only legal guardian. It�s too late to do anything today. I was thinking about petitioning the court to get my rights as Todd�s wife reinstated. I know Viki would not want Sam hurt, but . . .�

�T�a, stay right where you are. I�ll be down in five minutes,� Susannah said into the phone.

�That�s what I came in here to tell you about,� Janet said quickly. �I think Sam is losing it. We might be in for some problems with Viki away.�

�I�m going down to the lobby to talk to T�a,� Susannah said as she rushed out the door. �Beep me immediately if Timmy wakes up or if there is any problem with Sam.�

*********

After T�a told Susannah what Sam said and described the way he looked and acted, she could see by the look on Susannah�s face that she was right to be worried. �Do you think Sam is going to force you to stop Todd�s medications or God only knows what else?�

�I don�t know,� Susannah answered honestly. �Obviously Sam was further traumatized by seeing Timmy have that dystonic reaction to the Haldol. Sam has been at the edge for a long time . . .�

�And this might have pushed him over,� T�a finished Susannah�s sentence for her. �I know it would probably not be what Viki wants, but do you think I should try to become Todd�s legal guardian?�

Susannah�s heart broke for Sam. She sighed and shook her head. �I know that Viki would want whatever was best for Todd. Let me talk to Sam. Perhaps I can find out what�s going on with him or help him to understand that nothing was deliberately done to hurt Timmy, Todd, or anyone. I think something more than seeing Timmy in pain is going on with Sam. Perhaps I can find out what.�

�I know Blair had something to do with this,� T�a declared. �I just know it. Viki believes Blair is getting to Sam in some way, too. We spoke about it earlier.�

�Yes, that is a possibility,� Susannah agreed. �T�a, I know that you still have some unresolved issues concerning Todd and Blair. I also know that it might have been difficult for you to come back here so soon. I really wanted you to have a chance to think things through. I�m sorry we had to call you when we did. I�m very grateful that you were here for Timmy.�

T�a smiled. �I would never turn my back on Timmy or any of the alters. I don�t blame them for any of the things Todd said.� T�a�s lips trembled. �I don�t even know if I should blame Todd for the things he said. I spoke with Kevin after I left here and he doesn�t believe that Todd meant of word of what he said. He thinks Todd was trying to push me away again, because of his fear that he�ll hurt me.�

Susannah told T�a what happened after she left. She told her how Todd screamed her name when he lost all control.

T�a sat there silently. She was stunned by what Susannah told her. Suddenly she realized something. �Oh, my God! He must have seen Kevin and me through the window. I was very upset when I left the hospital. Kevin was just about to walk into the lobby. He was holding on to me, trying to get me to talk to him. He was comforting me. Ay dios mio. Todd must have seen us. You said he was standing by the window when he fell apart. It�s like the time he saw me talking to Del. He didn�t know Del was my brother. Todd flipped out. He thought I was sleeping with someone else and he wouldn�t talk to me about it. He pushed me away then, too. He tore up his bedroom. There was broken glass all over the place. I had to call Sam to come and calm Todd down.�

�It sounds like that is exactly what happened,� Susannah concurred.

�Doctor Hanen, you know I love Todd. I love him so much that it frightens me. It�s like the love I feel for him takes over and everything . . . my caution . . . my good sense . . . even my self-preservation . . . I-I think if it came to it I would literally die for Todd. I tried to walk away from him so many times. I would be strong for a while and then I�d see him. I�d see the agony he was in. I�d see the very good man that was surviving under all that anger and pain. I�d feel the tremendous capacity for love in him that he kept so very well buried under all his . . . his . . . rage . . . violence . . . sarcasm . . . insults . . . all the tricks Todd uses to push everyone away. I�d see that wall come crashing down between us every time we�d start to get close. It should have made me run . . . sometimes it did. I could never run far. Something would always draw me back. Sometimes I ask myself, is it love or obsession?�

T�a started to cry. �I don�t know if I know any more about love than Todd does. Yes, I loved my father and my brothers, but I could never feel real love for anyone that I�ve been involved with. I wanted them to want me. I wanted to be good enough to be wanted. I never thought I was.� T�a laughed sadly. �For all the ways he�s tried to push me away and for all the times he�s shut me out even when he wants me with him, Todd is still the only man that ever made me feel I was worth loving. You would think it would be just the opposite, after everything he�s done and said. I swear, just when I think I understand what I�m feeling, I end up more confused than ever.�

�Did you believe Todd when he said he realized he always loved Blair and that he just needed you?� Susannah asked.

T�a thought before she answered. �Yes and no. Mostly yes, for a moment. Todd was so calm. He sounded sincere.�

�Is there still a part of you that is afraid to trust totally in Todd�s love?� Susannah prodded gently.

T�a�s eyes welled with tears again. She nodded. �I want to be who Todd needs, loves and wants, not just who he needs.�

�When you had a chance to calm down and think things through, did you still doubt that you are the one Todd loves, wants and needs.�

T�a�s lips turned up in a small smile. �I�ve felt what Todd feels for me. I�ve seen it in his eyes and in his behavior. I�ve felt it in his body when we�re close or when he�s kissed me. I think, especially when it comes to Todd, those things are far more reliable than his words.�

Susannah smiled too. �I agree. I�ve seen the same things you have when I see you and Todd together.�

T�a�s smile vanished. �I realized something else. If Todd really wanted to go back to Blair, I would not have stood in his way. I don�t know how I would have ever stopped loving him or worrying about him or stopped wanting to run to him and help him, or stopped needing him in my life, but I would have found a way, even if it killed me. What does that say about me? Am I a masochist?�

�It says you have the ability to love unselfishly and unconditionally. You are able to put the person you love before you and his needs before your own.� Susannah smiled again. She took T�a�s hand. �And Todd has the ability to do exactly that for you. What happened today was Todd�s way of showing selfless love. It was his way of putting you first.�

Tears splashed down T�a�s cheeks. �I fell right into his trap, didn�t I?�

Susannah laughed. �Yes. Todd is a very clever young man. He knew your vulnerability and he used it.�

T�a shook her head. �Blair�s visit gave him the perfect timing, didn�t it? He counted on my old insecurities surfacing, and sure enough they did. They overpowered my good sense. My God, even if Todd didn�t want me or anything to do with me, I would not want to see him go back to Blair. There was a time, when we were first married, that I pushed him to reconcile with her. That was before I saw them interact. They destroy each other. I believe that Todd truly loved Blair and that she loved him as much as she is capable of loving anyone, other than Starr and her mother. But they both have this insatiable need for revenge and one-upmanship. In some way, they both get off on it. They will use and destroy anyone and anything that they have to if it will help either of them do in the other. I can�t speak for Blair. My guess is she still gets off on that kind of thing. I don�t think Todd wants that for himself anymore. I think he wants to be able to have a healthy relationship. I think he wants to stop wanting to hurt everyone. Does that make sense? I don�t know.� T�a rubbed her eyes with her palms and then ran her fingers though her hair. �I�m sorry if I�m babbling. It�s been a long day.�

Susannah rubbed T�a�s arm. �I don�t know as much about Todd�s relationship with Blair or what kind of person Blair really is as I would like to. It was never something Todd talked about much. It is his present situation that is on his mind most of the time. Someday I will discuss it with Todd, when he is ready. For now, I�d say from everything I do know about Todd and Blair and from things that you�ve told me and what Viki has told me, your insights into their relationship are fairly accurate. I also believe you are right about something else. While Todd would never be happy marching to the beat of most people�s drummer, he does want to be able to have a healthy relationship. He wants to be what he perceives as normal in that regard. I also believe that Todd knows he can have that with you and that you and he can still march to a drummer that only both of you can hear. I think you do that for him, T�a. You are the first person that can hear his drummer and understand the music and dance along with him.�

T�a hugged Susannah and then quickly pulled away. �I�m sorry.�

�Honey, you don�t ever have to apologize for showing how you feel, at least not with me.� Susannah patted T�a�s hand. �I�d better get back upstairs.�

�What are you going to tell Timmy if he�s the one who wakes up?� Tears rolled down T�a�s cheeks again. �He�ll think I deserted him. It will make him feel he was lied to about Viki and Kevin coming back.�

�If I can�t get Sam to reconsider, I will try to get Timmy to understand that Sam wanted some special time alone with him.�

�Doctor Hanen, I can�t bear the thought of that little boy calling for me. If Timmy gets very upset can you try to get him to go back inside?�

�I promise I will try to get Sam to allow you back. However, sending Timmy inside while he believes that you are never coming back is not a good idea. He will be just as upset inside, and that might be a problem for Todd�s system. If he goes back inside on his own or the system pulls him back, then I would not try to get him back out.�

�Oh God,� T�a cried. She wept into her hands.

Susannah put her arm around T�a�s shoulders. �I know you�re frightened. How about we do this? You go to the cafeteria and I�ll talk to Sam. Perhaps he will talk about what made him want you to leave and then allow you to come back upstairs.�

T�a nodded. She wiped her tears away with her fingers. �I hope you can get him to change his mind before Timmy wakes up.�

Susannah patted T�a on the arm again and stood up to leave.

�Oh, Doctor Hanen, I wanted to ask you about that reaction Timmy had. The medication you gave him stopped it right? It won�t come back again?�

�Most likely he�ll be all right. Sometimes the dystonic reaction does come back, but it�s rare. Now that one of them has reacted that way to Haldol it will never be given to any of them again. Todd has gotten that drug before without any problem. Then again, Timmy never came out that soon after Todd received it. If he has another attack of dystonia another shot of Benadryl will help.�

T�a couldn�t bear the thought of Timmy or any of them feeling that kind of pain again. �Please let me know if he has another attack.�

�I will. I know it�s easy to say. Please try not to be too frightened. Timmy will be very closely monitored for any signs of dystonia and hopefully Sam will open up and let me know why he suddenly wants you kept away from Todd and the alters.�

T�a stood up. She and Susannah walked to the elevator. T�a headed for the cafeteria and Susannah for Todd�s unit.

********

�Renee called. We need to leave for the airport?� Viki said as soon as Kevin walked back into Llanfair. Her bags were ready and waiting in the entrance way.

�I know,� Kevin responded. �Jeff called the airport and told me the flights would be taking off soon.�

�Did you speak with Susannah?� Viki asked. The last she heard Kevin was going there to talk about Rachel.

�Yes. Everything's okay,� Kevin said. He hoped Viki would leave it at that. �My bags are all packed. I�ll bring them down and get everything in the car and then we can leave.�

�I spoke with the hospital in Arizona about fifteen minutes ago. Clint is out of surgery. He�s in the ICU. He�s still in very critical condition. Jessie is still in surgery,� Viki informed Kevin as she wiped a tear away.

Kevin took Viki�s hands. �They�re going to be okay. Mom, they are going to be fine.�

�I know. Did you see Todd while you were at the hospital?� Viki asked.

�He was sleeping,� Kevin lied. �I didn�t want to wake him. He�s okay. Sam is with him. We�d better get going,� Kevin said and ran up the stairs. He would deal with Viki�s anger if necessary. For now he wanted to spare her any more grief.

*********

�Now! This evening!� Dorian exclaimed in shock.

�Yes. Sam wants to bring Todd home tonight. Actually, it�s little Timmy. He�s out. Dorian, they did something to him that caused Timmy to have some kind of painful attack. Sam sounded panic stricken. Now that he knows about Doctor Hanen�s deal with Asa . . .�

�That�s what made Sam decide to pull Todd out of the hospital, not Viki being out of town?� Dorian interrupted. Guilt washed over her. She knew if anything happened to Blair or even to Todd it would be her fault.

�Yes . . . that and whatever they did to hurt Timmy. Sam had already planned to try to get full guardianship of Todd before he heard the news about Clint and Jessica Buchanan. Now we don�t have to go to court. Viki is not around. Doctor Hanen and the staff have to answer to Sam. Thank God he�s acting quickly, before T�a decides to pull anything.�

Dorian shook her head. �Blair, think for a moment. It�s late. What about the staff? I might not be able to get them to you on such short notice. You can�t be alone in the house with . . .�

�I�m perfectly safe with Timmy. My God Dorian, you know what a sweet, gentle little boy he is.�

�What happens if Todd or an alter that isn�t a sweet, gentle little boy comes out?�

�Sam will be there.�

�Oh, please. Sam Rappaport can�t take care of himself anymore, let alone protect you.�

�Dorian, it will be fine. I don�t want you to let Starr see that you�re worried. Do you remember what I told you to tell her if she starts to ask about her father?�

�Yes! Blair, please reconsider. Let Sam take Todd to a hotel for tonight or to another hospital.�

�Yvette is getting Starr settled in her room,� Mel said as he came down the stairs. All Starr keeps talking about is that her daddy is better and he�s coming home.� Mel turned to Blair. �Honey, I think we both know that�s not true. What�s going on?�

Blair swallowed hard. �Todd has made some progress. He�s gained some weight and he�s a lot more like . . . he�s able to communicate and . . .� Blair didn�t know what else to say. She wasn�t sure how much Viki had told Mel.

�I think we both know Todd is not ready to come home,� Mel said softly.

�Mel, will you stop interrogating Blair,� Dorian chastised. �Can�t you see she�s already anxious? She�s just doing what she believes is best for Todd.�

Mel ignored Dorian. �Blair, if you�re trying to get to Todd now, while Viki is away, don�t do it. I know you feel you still love him. If that�s true, do what�s best for him. Put him first. If you�re acting with your emotions first, you can end up hurting yourself and that little girl upstairs as much you might hurt Todd.�

�Blair is not going to hurt anyone. She always does what�s best for her child and she would never hurt Todd now. My heart goes out to Viki, but Viki is the one that acts from a purely emotional level. If anyone will end up getting Todd hurt, it�s Viki. She�s really teetering on the edge these days,� Dorian added.

�Mel, you are all right with Starr staying here?� Blair asked.

�I�m crazy about that little imp. That�s not the point.�

Starr came downstairs before Mel had a chance to say anymore. �Mommy, I forgot to tell you. Don�t show Daddy any of my drawings and paintings until I get home, okay? I wanna be there when he sees them.�

Blair hugged her daughter. �I would never show them to him unless the artist was present. Baby, I have to go now. I need to get some things ready for Daddy and Sam. You be good and you listen to your Auntie Dorian and Uncle Mel.�

Dorian squeezed Starr to her. �My little angel is always good.�

�Sam?� Mel asked. �Sam is okay with this? He�s going to stay with you and Todd at the penthouse?� Mel sensed something was terribly wrong with all of this.

�Mellll,� Dorian motioned to Starr with her eyes. �Let�s not discuss this right now.�

�Starr,� Mel asked, �have you ever heard any stories of Irish folklore?�

�I don�t think so,� Starr replied.

�Ah a fresh young ear to tell the stories of my childhood to,� Mel joked, making Starr giggle. �Come,� Mel took Starr�s hand. �I will tell you tales you�ve never heard before. The first one is called Mongan�s Frenzy �The abbot of the Monastery of Moville sent word to the storytellers of Ireland that when they were in his neighborhood they should call at the monastery, for he wished to collect and write down the stories which were in danger of being forgotten,�� Mel began as he led Starr to the den.

�Dorian, do you think he�s going to cause any problems?� Blair asked the second Mel and Starr were out of earshot.

�Leave Mel to me. I�m more worried about you being alone with Todd and no one to protect you besides Sam. He�s almost as ill as Todd is for God�s sake.�

�Dorian, please, I don�t have time to argue with you, too. I�ll be fine. It�s Todd I�m worried about. I�m not prepared to handle his medication. Sam says he knows how to give it to him through his feeding tube and how to feed him that way. I don�t know. What if something goes wrong? What if Todd has a seizure or something happens to his heart? Oh God, Dorian. I didn�t think it would happen this suddenly. I thought we�d have to go to court first.�

�Blair, take a breath. You need to calm down. If you�re this anxious, you�ll make Todd more anxious and that�s the last thing you want to do. I�m sure Sam knows how to feed and medicate Todd. But honey, don�t you see that all of this is an excellent reason for Sam to take Todd to another hospital. Maybe Saint Ann�s can take him in for a few . . .�

�No! Todd�s place is in his home, with me and soon with Starr. He�s much more like his old self than he was.� Blair left out that in some ways Todd frightened her the way he sometimes did in the old days, too. �I know in my heart that he�ll come back all the way once he�s in his home and those drugs get out of his system.�

�It can be dangerous to suddenly stop some medications,� Dorian cautioned.

�Sam�s taking care of that. He�s going to check with a pharmacist.�

Dorian knew things had gone too far. She couldn�t talk Blair out of this, at least not without divulging her scheme to prove to Viki that her judgment was completely off when it came to knowing what people were like.

�I want you to call me if there is the slightest problem. I�ll try to get someone to go there tonight, if I can�t, I should certainly have some of the staff there by tomorrow. Perhaps Sam can get some kind of medication to put little Timmy to sleep for the night,� Dorian suggested.

�No!� Blair protested. �Todd and the alters have been drugged enough. That�s one of the things we want to put an end to. Dorian, you�re sweet to worry about me, but you don�t have to. I�ll be fine. Now I have to go. I�ll bring some more of Starr�s things over in a day or two if she has to continue to stay here. Now I really do have to go.�

�All right,� Dorian conceded. She walked Blair to the door. �Promise me that you will run at the first sign of Todd or any of them getting violent.�

Blair kissed Dorian on the cheek. �Thank you for worrying about me, but you don�t have to. I know Todd will remember how good it is to be with his real family once he�s back to being himself.� With that Blair left.

Dorian leaned against the front door after she closed it. She rolled her eyes. �As if Todd was never violent with her when he was himself,� Dorian murmured. She sighed loudly. �Perhaps I went a teeny bit too far when I had that young college student transfer that money to Susannah Hanen�s account,� Dorian said to herself. She knew it was too late to change that now. She hurried upstairs to start calling the staff she had on standby.

**********

Sam followed Susannah out of Todd�s room. Susannah had walked in there just moments before. She checked Timmy and then quietly asked Sam to step outside so they could talk. Sam wouldn�t go to Susannah�s office. He refused to go father than the lounge outside Todd�s room. He did allow Carl to go in and sit with Timmy under the condition that Carl get him immediately if Timmy started to wake up.

�Sam, can you tell me why you wanted T�a to leave?� Susannah began.

Sam stared at Susannah for a moment and then looked away. �Timmy is too attached to her,� he mumbled.

�Timmy has a problem separating from everyone he loves. Is there some reason why you singled T�a out?� Susannah probed.

Sam didn�t make eye contact with Susannah. �No, I�m not singling T�a out. It isn�t just T�a. But you know that, don�t you?�

�Why do you think I know that?� Susannah asked gently.

Sam remembered Blair�s warning about not giving up too much information. He didn�t want them to get a chance to cover their tracks.

�B-because you know that Timmy is too attached to all of you,� Sam managed to get out.

�Yes, we have to work on separation anxiety with him. I don�t think keeping T�a away from him is the answer,� Susannah said calmly.

�I told you it isn�t just T�a!� Sam said angrily. He glanced into Susannah�s eyes and looked away. He took a deep breath. �I�m taking Todd home, now.�

Susannah felt tremendous fear for Todd. She could see Sam meant it. �Sam, I know seeing Timmy in so much pain upset you terribly and you are frightened for him and for all of them. Now that we know Haldol caused an acute dystonic reaction it will never again be given to Todd or any alter.�

�No, it wouldn�t look good if his records showed that you gave him the same medication that had already caused a reaction. I�m not stupid or so crazy that I can�t think, Susannah!�

�No one here thinks you are. Sam, I know you believe that Todd might do better if he was off of some of his medication. I promise you that is not the case. After all these months Todd is finally on the right combination. His depression is lifting. His thought processes are clearer. His ability to communicate his feelings and thoughts has increased. He�s better able to utilize coping skills for anxiety and anger. He . . .�

Sam held his hand up and cut Susannah off. �He�s still hurting himself, getting tied down, and being tortured because of what you�re all doing to him. I�m Todd�s legal guardian. I have every right to sign him out of here and that�s what I�m going to do. Will you please write prescriptions for his medication? I�m well aware that they should not be stopped suddenly.� Sam knew he had every intention of stopping Todd�s meds if the pharmacist said he could do it safely.

�Sam, psychiatric treatment for Todd was ordered by the courts.�

�Psychiatric treatment, not hospitalization. Viki is giving you consent to keep Todd here, not the court. I will make sure that Todd and the alters continue to receive psychiatric care.� Sam looked at his watch. He saw that Blair had more than enough time to get Starr over to Dorian�s and to get back home. �I�m going in to wake Timmy up now. Please leave the prescriptions at the nurses' station. I�ll pick them up on my way out.� Sam sounded cold and detached.

Susannah forced herself to stay calm. She knew she could not legally stop Sam from taking Todd from the hospital without a court order, forever. Nevertheless, she could stop him from doing it tonight. �It�s my opinion that Todd is not stable enough to leave the hospital. It�s your right to request a hearing and a mental health review officer will come to the hospital. He or she will hear arguments for and against keeping Todd hospitalized. The courts are closed now. Other than extreme emergencies, no one can request a hearing tonight. Sam, do you really want to put Todd through that hearing?�

For a few seconds, Sam looked shocked. Then he remembered what Susannah said was true. He was frightened that he�d forgotten law that he once knew so well. Sam�s heart pounded. Then a numbing calm came over him. �You�re the one that�s going to put Todd through that. Why . . . for Nora? . . . For Bill?� Sam shook his head and stared straight ahead. �Oh my God, I was such an idiot. I believed you cared so much about Todd. I believed you loved him like he was your child.� Sam laughed. �I always bragged about my good judgment. What a fool.� Sam banged his hand down on the arm of his chair. �No more. No more! I finally have my head on straight. Okay, maybe you can keep me from taking Todd out of here tonight. But trust me, Susannah, I will get him out of here tomorrow.�

�Sam, I need you to understand that you could be placing Todd in danger if you take him out of the hospital. He�s been sending out clear messages that he�s thinking of suicide. Many of the alters' memories are beginning to break through into Todd�s consciousness. While the disclosures Todd�s been making are vital to his recovery, they are also very painful and they�re sending him into one crisis after another. The memories won�t stop coming just because he�s out of the hospital. He is also in danger of harming someone else if his episodes of rage can�t be controlled. While his physical health has improved greatly, he is still vulnerable to set backs without constant monitoring.�

Sam�s robot like calm seemed to slip for a moment. Then he flashed back on Timmy�s painful reaction to the medication and to Blair�s warning. �I can take care of Todd. You think because I failed him before that I�ll fail him again. I won�t! There are some people that believe Todd can be trusted to my care and I can be a good father to him. Viki believes that or she wouldn�t have made me Todd�s co-guardian.� Sam stood up and started for Todd�s room.

Susannah grabbed his arm. �Sam, you know that Viki would not want you to do this. Please. I swear to you that Todd is not being harmed here.� Susannah did not want Todd or any of the alters to have to go through the trauma of a hearing and being questioned by a stranger.

Sam looked into Susannah�s eyes. Some of the trust he felt the other night began to come back until he heard Blair�s words in his head. �About a month ago, right before Nora provoked Todd into attacking her and Baby came out, Asa had a half million dollars transferred to Doctor Hanen�s bank account . . . a half million, Sam. What do you think it was for, marriage counseling for him and Renee!�

�Sam, I promise you Todd is not being hurt here,� Susannah tried again. �If you like you can bring in another psychiatrist to evaluate him and go though his chart, but don�t take him out of this secure setting.�

�No,� Sam said quietly. �I won�t make that mistake again. You�ve got that sincerity bit down cold, don�t you? I believed you and I let myself trust you again. Because my judgment was off all of you got another chance to hurt him. T�a set Todd off so you�d have a chance to torture him. You knew there was a chance that little boy in there could come out and you did it anyway. If Viki had listened to me and taken Todd home, Timmy never would have had to go through that.�

Sam�s voice sounded more detached than it did before. His eyes looked glassy and dazed. Susannah was terrified for Todd. She thought about trying to reach Viki before she left. She immediately dismissed that idea. She knew she couldn�t further delay Viki�s departure. Susannah had spoken to the doctors in Arizona. She knew how precarious Jessica and Clint�s condition was. They were both holding on by a thread. She knew she couldn�t legally keep Sam from taking Todd out of the hospital if the mental health review officer agreed that Todd was not a danger to himself or others at this time. It was the luck of the draw with this kind of thing. Some officers and judges truly understood psychiatric matters concerning the patients before them, including typical side effects of medication; some had no business being in a position to make these kinds of decisions. They allowed patients who were dangerous to themselves and everyone around them walk. Susannah knew that neither she nor T�a could do anything at this hour. They would have to wait for the courts to resume in the morning.

�Where are you planning to take Todd, if you take him out of here?� Susannah asked, trying to hold back tears. Her emotions were getting the better of her professional demeanor.

�Someplace safe, where he�ll be happy.�

Susannah knew Sam would have to tell a mental health review officer exactly where he was taking Todd, so she didn�t push it. Instinctively, she knew Sam had no plans to take Todd to another hospital, where he could be safe. �Todd still needs to be under constant supervision,� she reminded Sam.

�You don�t think I can watch my own kid?� Sam asked angrily.

�I think you will need to sleep and wash and go out. I think that physically, Todd and most of the adult alters can exhibit great strength at times.�

�Todd will be supervised. He�ll have all the care he needs. Now I need to make a private phone call. I�ll be right outside by the payphone. Right outside, Susannah.�

It was clear to Susannah that this was meant as a warning.

Susannah took a few moments to collect herself before heading down to the cafeteria. She needed to tell T�a what was going on.

***********

�Hello,� Blair said breathlessly into the phone. She had been running around ever since she left Dorian�s. She had stopped at a convenience store to pick up some foods she remembered Todd liking. When she got home, she had gone from room to room checking windows. She was very happy that she had shatter proof glass placed in all the windows and the terrace doors and added high security locks. Blair had that done shortly after Matthew Allen pointed out that she needed a safe environment for Todd to live in. Blair tried to think of everything she had done to babyproof the penthouse and Dorian�s when Starr was a baby. She knew there was a chance the baby or Baby Todd could come out. Then Blair realized that she�d need to go through the medicine chests in all the bathrooms, in case there was something there Todd could harm himself with. To be on the safe side, Blair hid almost everything . . . razors and razor blades, aspirin, Tylenol, alcohol, even the children�s medications she kept in Starr�s bathroom. Blair was just about to head to the kitchen to tuck away any sharp objects when she heard the phone ring.

�It�s Sam. I�m not going to be able to bring Todd to the penthouse tonight.�

�What! Why? Oh my God, did something happen to him?�

�No. Susannah won�t release him without a hearing. I�m going to request one tomorrow. It might not even be until the day after. I�m not sure how quickly they get these things going.�

�But Todd's in danger! Sam, you have to tell them that.�

�I�m a lawyer, Blair. I know that! I�m not stupid.�

Blair took a calming breath. Sam was getting more and more difficult to deal with. �I know that. Of course you�re not stupid. It�s just that you�re upset. I don�t blame you. Todd needs you now, Sam. You have to hold it together.�

�I will. I�m thinking straight now. You don�t have to worry.�

Something occurred to Blair. �Oh, my God, Sam, you didn�t tell Doctor Hanen that we know about the money did you?�

�No!� Sam barked. �I told you I�m thinking straight. I might have to bring that up tomorrow. I need you here tomorrow, Blair. I need you to tell what you found out. I need you to let them know that Todd will be safe. You have to show some proof that you have hired a staff to take care of Todd.�

Blair�s head was spinning. �I don�t have any. I mean the staff is on standby and they certainly should be here by tomorrow, but I have nothing in writing. Don�t worry. I�ll get something by tomorrow. I can bring copies of Doctor Hanen�s bank records. They might not have been obtained in the most . . . I mean I�m not sure how the detective I hired went about getting them and they don�t prove that Asa gave her the money to hurt Todd. I never thought things would happen so quickly.�

�That�s all right. This is not a trial. They are trying to do what�s best for Todd. I�m sure this mental health review officer will take everything into consideration.� Sam tried to sound more confident than he felt.

Something else suddenly occurred to Blair. �Oh, Sam, Doctor Hanen has been forewarned now. What if she goes to Asa or Bo or even Kevin and they buy whoever is going to be in charge of making this decision about Todd?�

Sam�s paranoia peaked for a moment, then he remembered. �No, all the Buchanan�s are heading to Arizona. They won�t be here to pull any strings. Even Nora is going.�

Blair breathed a sigh of relief. �Thank, God. I�d forgotten about Jessica and Clint for a minute.� Blair realized what she had just said. �I-I don�t mean that I�m happy that Jessica and Clint were hurt. I just . . .�

�Don�t worry about it,� Sam cut her off. He wouldn�t say it out loud, but he felt relieved that the Buchanan�s were not around, too. Guilt washed over him. God alone knows Sam wished no harm on Jessica or Clint. �I�ve got to get back to Timmy now. I want you to get whatever paperwork you can and wait for me to call you tomorrow. I�ll let you know what time to be here.�

�Sam,� Blair began nervously. �They must have an idea that you�re on to them now. You need to watch every move they make.�

Blair had just fed into Sam�s paranoid delusions. �Don�t worry. I�ll protect him.� Sam paused for a moment. �Blair, you do believe that I can protect him now, don�t you . . . I mean even though I failed him for most of his life?�

Blair became even more anxious. Sam sounded unsure. As frightened and panicky as Blair felt. The last thing she wanted was for Sam to start doubting her plan. �Yes. Sam, I believe it. You finally have your chance to prove that to Todd and to Viki and even to those like T�a, Kevin, Asa, Bo, Nora and Susannah, who think they can harm Todd right before your eyes, that you are the only one who can save him and protect him. You�re getting your chance to be the father you always wished you had been to Todd. Viki would never forgive you if you let harm come to her brother,� Blair added for good measure.

Sam was nodding to himself as Blair spoke. �I�ll never fail that boy or Viki again,� he said more to himself than into the phone.

�Sam, are you still there?� Blair asked loudly.

�Yes. I do have to go. Don�t worry. I�m here. Nothing more will happen to Todd, Timmy or any of them. I�ll call you as soon as I know what time the hearing will be.�

�Okay, kiss Timmy for me,� Blair said into the phone and hung up.

Blair immediately dialed Dorian�s number.

**********

�Ay dios mio, what is he thinking! Todd isn�t safe enough to leave the hospital. Look what happened just a few hours ago. What if he�d been home when he became that angry or when he had that dystonic reaction? Doctor Hanen, please, we have to do something to stop Sam.�

�T�a, we might not be able to. Todd is not here by court order. He�s already been here longer than most courts in Pennsylvania order hospitalization.�

T�a quickly tried to go over the law in her head. �Okay, so the courts usually order someone held for twenty-one days, then ninety days, if they have proof they are still a danger to themselves or others and then if necessary they order hospitalization for another 180 days. Todd�s been here for ten months. So what . . . he still has dangerous behaviors. He�s learning to control himself, but he can�t always do it.�

�I will bring that out and they can extend the period of treatment. T�a, I know you don�t want to go against Viki�s wishes and neither do I, but if she were here I�m sure she would not want Sam to do this. If you still want to try to get guardianship of Todd . . .�

�Of course I do,� T�a cut Susannah off. �I�ll file a petition to become Todd�s substitute guardian first thing tomorrow morning. You�re sure Sam can�t do anything tonight?�

�No. If he tries, we can stop him. There needs to be a hearing first.�

T�a�s eyes welled with tears. �I know Timmy is going to think I deserted him if he�s the one to wake up.�

�We will try our best to help him understand that you did not,� Susannah said sadly.

�Damn it!� T�a declared. �I know Blair is behind this. She saw Sam�s vulnerabilities and she pounced on them like the snake that she is.�

�I agree that Blair probably has a self-serving agenda, in part, when it comes to Todd,� Susannah stated. �She also has very traumatic memories of finding her own mother in a place where good medicine was obviously not being practiced. Added into that is Blair�s own fear of mental illness for herself and those she cares about. She does not want to believe that Todd is as ill as he is.�

�How can you defend her when you know that she probably has a hand in doing this?�

�Most people have complex reasons for doing what they do. Sometimes it is out of nothing more than the need to inflict pain. I don�t believe that is Blair�s intention this time, at least not as far as Todd and Sam are concerned. In any case, we don�t know if Blair has anything to do with this. Sam has some very serious problems that have nothing to do with Blair.�

T�a rested her face in her hands for a moment and then shook her head to clear it. �I know it�s been a long and difficult day for you and you need to go home and rest, but will you . . .�

�T�a,� Susannah interrupted and took T�a�s hands. �I will stay here tonight. I would not leave Todd under these circumstances.�

�Thank you,� T�a said softly. �And you�ll call me if Timmy needs me and Sam will allow me to see him?�

�Yes, absolutely,� Susannah promised.

�Any time of the night, I�ll leave my cell phone on. I�ll let you know what�s going on the minute I leave the court tomorrow.�

�Thank you,� Susannah said. �I know saying try not to worry rings hollow, but please try to take your mind off of this as much as possible, if not for yourself, then for Todd. You need to be rested to be at your best tomorrow.�

************

Susannah checked on Timmy the second she got back to the unit. He was sleeping soundly. Mr. Rabbit was still tucked in his arm and his thumb was still in his mouth. Sam didn�t say a word to Susannah. Her smile was met with an empty, distant glare. Carl stepped out of the room for a few moments to assure Susannah that Timmy�s sleep had been peaceful all along. He also told her that Sam had not said a word to him. He sadly informed her that at one point he saw that Sam was crying.

Carl went back into Todd�s room. Susannah stopped at the nurses' station to make sure everyone was up to speed on what was going on. She then headed for her office. Once she was seated at her desk, Susannah picked up the phone. �Hi, it�s me . . . I won�t be able to make dinner tonight. I need to stay here. I. . .� Susannah�s voice broke. �Bill, do you think you can come here for a while. I . . . I need you.�

Bill told Susannah he�d be right there. He knew how difficult those words were for her to say. Something had to be very wrong.

**********

�I�ll have a mocha latte, the woman said to the man behind the counter. Once she had her coffee, she sat down at a table that was occupied by a young man. She assumed, like most of the patrons, he was a college student . . . a college student who liked to hang at a local coffee and computer caf� called Coffee and a byte.

The young student looked questioningly at the woman since there were empty tables around.

�I�m not very good with computers,� the woman purred. �You look like someone who really knows your way around . . . computers that is.� She smiled and stared into his eyes. �Do you think you can give me a few pointers?�

The young man took a longer look at the older, but very attractive, woman sitting next to him. He smiled back. �Not to brag, but I am a computer science major.�

�So you probably have a lot of friends who are very, very good at getting into all kinds of sites and places that are a no-no.�

The young man eyed the woman suspiciously. �I don�t know about my friends, but I don�t do anything illegal.�

The woman shrugged and smiled again. �Too bad. I find that kind of technical brain power very attractive.�

The young man relaxed again and smiled back. He pulled his chair a little closer to hers. �Maybe I have a few tricks up my sleeve.�

The woman rubbed his bare arm. �But you�re not wearing any sleeves.�

The young man laughed. �What�s your name anyway?�

�Sam . . . Sam Vance.�

�I�m Paul,� he announced. He was feeling anxious and good at the same time.

Sam leaned in until only a couple of inches separated them. �Well, Paul, why don�t you show me few of those tricks.�

********

�Yes! Dorian, I told you. I need something in writing that proves Todd will have the best of care here,� Blair said into the phone. �I know the bank records alone are not proof that Asa paid Doctor Hanen to hurt Todd. It still looks bad for her and it�s all I have. She will! . . . Oh thank you, Dorian . . . No, I don�t know for sure, but there is a chance that Todd can come home with us tomorrow and I�m so happy that you were able to get at least one of the nurses and techs to be here by tomorrow . . . I know . . . I love you, too . . . I never would have been able to do this without you . . . she is . . . did she talk to you or Mel or ask anything about her daddy? . . . what did you say . . . that�s good. I don�t want her to get any false hopes that she can come home in a day or two . . . Yes. As soon as I know anything I�ll call you. . . You, too . . . Night.�

Blair hung up. She was exhausted and wired at the same time. She did feel better knowing at least some staff would be there if Todd became ill or had some kind of episode. Blair jumped when the doorbell rang. �Oh my God, maybe Sam was able to get Todd out of there tonight,� Blair said to herself, out loud. She ran to the door and pulled it open. �T�a! What the hell are you doing here?�

T�a pushed past Blair and walked into the apartment. �We need to talk.�

TO BE CONTINUED

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