“Is that what you do? Whom do you have to talk to?” 

“I debrief with other staff members. I hit pillows. I go to the bathroom and cry. I journal and put my feelings on paper. I talk to Bill. As a cop, he’s seen some pretty terrible things himself. Usually it helps. Sometimes it doesn’t and

I have to allow myself to walk around angry and sad for a while,” Susannah confessed.

Sam still wasn’t completely sure what he believed and what he didn’t. Still, he felt a closeness to Susannah that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

***********

“Can you tell me what is so stupid?” Dave asked.

“I am.”

“In what way do you think you’re stupid?” Dave pressed.

“I let it make a fool out of me again,” Todd said softly

“Let what make a fool out of you?”

“Life . . . fate . . . God . . . whatever.”

“In what way did it make a fool out of you?” Dave asked.

“I started to believe. I felt hope. I’ll bet I give God a real good laugh. I’m probably his fucking court jester.”

“What was it you felt hopeful about?” Dave pushed.

Todd shrugged. “Me. Me getting better, me and Téa.” Todd laughed at the irony he believed existed. “Just my suffering isn’t enough for God anymore, that greedy insatiable bastard. He has to make sure I take Téa along for the ride. She has to end up feeling like a fool too!”

“How will Téa feel like a fool?”

“She’s got all this hope. She’s got dreams. She made a choice and it’s like the worst choice of her life. It’s a King Kong size worst choice. She almost got away. She left me . . . I mean really left me . . . once. She hired Nora to be her lawyer and everything. Then I talked her into coming back to me. I talked her into giving me four more weeks. God!” Tears welled up in Todd’s eyes. “She almost got away from me the way my mom did. I never should have made her come back to me. I should have let her go. Maybe Bible Boy would have turned into her choice if I just let her go.”

***********

Blair forced her most earnest look. “Rachel, you’re a very nice person. I know how good you were with Adam. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Why would I get hurt? All right Blair. You’re obviously trying to tell me something. Why don’t you just spit it out!”

“I wouldn’t get too involved with Kevin if I were you, unless Téa has you helping out as a beard?”

“A beard? What the hell are you talking about?”

“That’s someone who poses as a romantic interest of someone to throw the world off, so they won’t know whom that person is really involved with.”

“I know what a beard is! For God sake Blair, are you out of your mind? Téa practically lives at the hospital. She would give her life for Todd. Kevin and Téa have no romantic feelings for each other.”

“I know you want to believe that.”

“I believe it because it’s true.”

“Kevin and Téa have had some pretty hot times together. You do know that?”

“That is ancient history,” Rachel stated firmly.

“More like current events,” Blair retorted. 

**********

“Yes, Dorian,” Viki said into the phone. She made no attempt to hide her impatience.

“Hello Viki. How are you doing?”

Viki rolled her eyes. “I’m fine.”

“Good. And how is Todd doing?”

“Todd is progressing nicely. Was there something specific that you wanted?” Viki was in no mood for this.

'Still thinks she’s Queen Victoria,' Dorian thought to herself. “I was hoping you could come here to discuss something with me or that I could meet you there.

Perhaps we can do lunch?”

“Do lunch?” Viki mocked. “What is this about?”

“They are thinking of starting a dissociative disorders unit at Melinda’s hospital in California. I would like your input.”

***********

Blair closed the phone. She knew her time with Todd was limited these days. She had no idea if he was lucid or not. If, when he woke up, he was, and if she managed to have a little privacy with him, Blair planned on letting Todd know that Téa and Kevin were playing him for a fool. She also planned on letting him know that he had a safe place to go to. 

Matthew Allen, Blair’s attorney, had just told her that even if she succeeded in casting doubt on Susannah’s ethics and even if she convinced a judge that Viki’s judgment was clouded by her loyalty to Susannah, and therefore she was not a fit guardian for Todd, it would not mean that they would allow Sam to take Todd to live with her at the penthouse. Matthew told Blair that those pictures of Téa and Kevin might help her case, but in all likelihood they would not. If Todd asked that his wife become his guardian that would carry the most weight. Matthew told Blair that Todd saying that he wanted to live at the penthouse with her and Starr would go a long way in helping her case. 

“They’re forcing my hand by limiting my access to him. I have to make my move the very next chance I get.” Blair said out loud. She hoped she wouldn’t have to tell Todd what she suspected about his doctor. She didn’t want to hurt him that way and destroy his trust even more than it had already been destroyed. “I hope it doesn’t come to that, but if it does . . . oh Todd, I’m doing this for you, for you and for our little girl. I hope I can get you to understand that.”

*******************************************************************************

Blair had been sitting by Todd’s bed for over an hour. Frank sat outside the door to Todd’s room, allowing Blair to have some privacy. As Blair watched Todd sleep, memories of their time together flashed through her mind. Some of them were good memories. Most were not. Most were memories that made her cringe. She thought of all the ways she had hurt Todd and added to his belief that he could trust no one . . . that people only pretended to love him to get something from him . . . that he truly was an inhuman monster that no one could love. Each time those memories assaulted Blair’s brain she would push them away and try to think of the future. She believed if she had the chance she could make it up to Todd. She believed they could have a relationship that wasn’t mostly about abusing each other.

Todd began to stir. He whimpered in his sleep. 

Blair brushed away the hair that had fallen in his face. She could tell, even in sleep, he was in great emotional pain. Blair took Todd’s hand and held it. “Shhhh, Blair is here. It’s all right. I won’t let anyone hurt you.” A tear trickled down Blair’s cheek. She knew the pain she would cause him if she told him he was once again being made a fool of. She knew how much it would set him back if he knew that those he trusted had betrayed him. “Oh God, maybe I shouldn’t,” Blair whispered to herself. “Baby, I don’t want to hurt you. I just want you to be somewhere safe. You’ll be safe with me and your little girl. Look what they do to you here. They’re torturing you . . . drugging you . . . keeping you in pain.”

Todd moaned softly in his sleep. 

“It’s okay. Shhhh,” Blair said softly and squeezed Todd’s hand.

Todd squeezed it back. He seemed to become more distressed. “She went away. She’s gone. She’s gone,” he cried out softly. Todd was holding on to Blair’s hand tightly. “Delgado? That’s not you. It’s not you. You’re gone.”

Blair didn’t realize that somehow, in his sleep, Todd could tell the hand he was holding was not Téa’s. She continued to hold Todd’s hand in hers. She stroked his head. “Todd, it’s okay. You don’t need Téa here. I’m here. Shhh, wake up baby. Fight the drugs they gave you.” Blair hoped Todd didn’t cry out loud enough to make Frank come into the room. “Todd, come on sweetie, wake up.”

“Delgado!” Todd called out. His eyes opened. Blair could hear his heart pounding. Todd tried to focus his eyes as he looked around. He felt someone holding his hand. “Téa?”

“No, sweetie. It’s me?”

“Blair?” Todd looked in Blair’s direction. He felt confused. 

“It’s me, Todd. I’m here. Everything will be all right. Were you having a bad dream? Was Téa hurting you in your dream?”

“No . . . I . . . don’t remember . . . I . . .” Todd’s eyes filled with fear.

“Starr? Has something happened to Starr?”

“No. No, sweetie, no. I promise. Starr is fine. She’s been doing great ever since she visited you here. Being with her daddy did wonders for her.”

Todd looked confused again. “Starr’s really okay?”

“She’s great,” Blair declared.

“Then what are you doing here?”

Todd’s question stung Blair. “Does something have to be wrong for me to visit you? I’ve been visiting you all along. Don’t you remember?”

Todd thought for a moment. “Yeah, guess so.” He seemed to be calming down. “So Shorty’s really okay?”

“She is. She loved visiting with you. She always asks when she can come back.”

Todd’s chin quivered as he tried to hold back his tears. “I don’t want her here. It’s not safe for her to be around me.”

This was not what Blair wanted to here. “You mean you feel it’s not safe for her to visit you here in the hospital.”

“No! I mean it’s not safe for her to be around me, ME, wherever I am. The hospital has nothing to do with it.”

“You’d never hurt Starr. Our little girl is perfectly safe when she’s with you.”

“I wouldn’t mean to hurt her. That doesn’t mean she won’t get hurt. You just keep her away from here.”

“Todd, Starr loves you. She . . .”

Todd grabbed Blair’s arm and pulled her to him roughly. “I’m not kidding around here, Blair. You keep her away from me! Do you understand?”

Blair was surprised by how much physically stronger Todd seemed. “You’re hurting me.”

Todd glared at her angrily. He let go of her arm. “You just keep Shorty away from me,” he ordered, without apologizing for hurting her.

“If you don’t want Starr around you for now, I’ll honor your wishes. Todd, don’t you know that I want to help you and make things better for you in any way I can?”

Todd’s look softened. “So what are you doing here, Blair?”

“I just wanted to visit with you and see if you were okay.”

“I’m crazy, evil and locked in a loony bin. I don’t think ‘okay’ figures anywhere into that.”

“Please don’t talk about yourself that way. If that’s what they tell you here they’re . . .”

“No one here tells me that. It’s a fact. They try to make me believe it’s not true. Sometimes I get stupid and I start to believe it. Then I smarten up.”

In some ways Todd seemed so much better. Blair wasn’t sure what was going on. She thought she’d find him much worse when they told her they had drugged him again.

“Does Doctor Hanen ever talk about you going home?” Blair asked.

“Yeah, she tries to make me believe that will really happen someday.”

“You don’t think it will?” Blair was surprised.

“I don’t think it should.”

“You want to stay here! . . . for the rest of your life?”

“It’s safer for everyone,” Todd stated firmly. “Everyone, especially Shorty and Delgado, will be safer if they keep me here.”

“Starr needs you. She needs you to be her daddy all the time, not just on an occasional visit. Téa can more than protect herself. You’re no danger to either of them. Did Téa tell you that she felt you would endanger her if you were out of the hospital?”

“No,” Todd said softly and stared away from Blair. “She wants me to get out of here and go home to her. She thinks I can get well and be a real husband and father. She actually thinks everything can be . . . you know . . . like other people.” Todd looked at Blair and then looked away. “I’m sorry. You’re the last person I should be talking to about this.”

“No, it’s . . . it’s okay. Todd, we’ve been through so much together. I hope you know you can tell me anything.” 

Todd laughed at the irony he saw in that. “Yeah, so you can use what I tell you against me. You don’t have to worry, Blair. I won’t fight you if you want sole custody of Shorty. I told you. She’s better off without me in her life.”

“You still think the only reason I want you to talk to me is to have something to use against you?” Blair felt pain and anger stir up inside her. Tears sprung to her eyes.

“It’s not like you didn’t try to get me to have a heart to heart with you so could record what I said to use against me during one of the custody fights. You wanted me to incriminate myself so Judge Goldberg could hear just how unfit I was and what a great mother you were.”

“I’m sorry for that. Todd. I am. I’m sorry for so much. You were trying to take Starr away from me.”

Todd’s eyes blazed. “Only after you tried to take her away from me first! You and Dorian wouldn’t even let me see her. Both custody fights were started by you and Dorian trying to take Starr away from me and keeping her away from me.” Todd’s anger ebbed. “Look, it doesn’t matter now. I’m telling you that I want you to have Starr. You’ve got your wish. You can take her as far away from me as you want. I won’t fight you. You can sell the Sun and use that money. I’ll give you more money if that runs out. Shorty will never want for anything no matter where she lives.”

This wasn’t going at all as Blair thought it would. “Todd! I don’t want to take Starr away from you, now or ever again. I don’t want her growing up without her daddy. I saw what being without her daddy did to her. It started to turn her into a little girl I didn’t recognize. I know I did a lot of horrible things to you. That was before I knew . . .” 

“Before you knew I was officially psycho? You mean you didn’t get a clue when I shoved you out of the door so hard you fell down or when I tried to rape you?”

Blair didn’t want to think about the times Todd physically abused her. She wanted to live for the here and now. She knew Todd’s past and her past with him had to be dealt with, but she had just so much tolerance for dealing with issues. Like she had on the rare occasions Todd brought up his childhood to her, she changed the subject. “I don’t want you getting yourself all upset. I came here to talk to you. I don’t get much of a chance to see you anymore.”

Todd laughed. “I would have figured that would make you happy.”

“It doesn’t. I miss being around you.” 

“Did you have to send Max out to be cleaned or something?”

Blair smiled. She realized how much she had missed Todd’s humor. “I am not with Max. I haven’t even seen him in months. He’s not the kind of man I want around Starr.”

“Why, you think being an asshole is contagious?”

Blair laughed. “You did have him pegged all along.”

“Face it, Blair. You have lousy taste in men.”

Blair tucked Todd’s hair back behind his ear. “Not always.”

For a moment, Todd felt his father standing there doing the exact same thing to him. He gasped and pulled away.

Blair quickly pulled her hand back. “I’m sorry . . . I . . . are you all right?”

“Yeah, I’m . . .” The sudden movement made Todd dizzy. He remembered being told he’d been given medication. He knew it sometimes made him dizzy when he first woke up if he tried to move or get out of bed too quickly. He held himself very still for a few moments. The dizziness passed as quickly as the image of his father had. “I’m okay. I just got dizzy for a second. They gave me some kind of medicine that makes me dizzy.”

This didn’t surprise Blair. In her mind, Todd seemed better despite the medication, not because of it. “You just stay put then. We can talk right here.” Blair pulled her chair as close to Todd’s bed as she could get it. She spoke in a hushed tone so Frank wouldn’t hear. “Todd, I know how much you hate being kept here in the hospital and hate being given all these drugs and things. I know you never wanted this. I . . . well . . . I” This wasn’t as easy as Blair thought it would be.

“At least everyone is as safe as possible as long as I’m here. If I try to hurt someone, they stop me.” A worried look covered Todd’s face. “If they can get to me fast enough, before I . . . you’ve gotta keep Shorty away from here, Blair. I know she came on her own last time. You gotta make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

“You would never hurt our little girl. I know that,” Blair said firmly.

“Yeah, well I never meant to hurt a lot of people that got hurt. I never meant to make Téa fall down and hit her head.”

“Todd, they told me it was an accident. Téa lost her balance.”

“It was still my fault. What if Starr has an accident while she’s with me?” Todd emphasized the word accident.

“Téa provoked you. Starr would never do that.”

Todd looked at Blair. His face was a combination of anger and puzzlement. “She didn’t provoke me. Who the hell told you that!”

“I-I-I’m not sure. I think it was Doctor Hanen or Viki. I don’t mean . . . maybe they didn’t say provoked. They said you were trying to get away from her and when you pulled away she fell.” Blair hated that Todd immediately rushed to Téa’s defense.

Todd calmed down. “Yeah, I guess that’s what happened. People get hurt around me. I’ve done things . . . I remember doing some things to my . . . I just remember some things now. I hurt people. I don’t want Shorty to be one of them.”

“I promise I won’t bring Starr here unless you ask me to and I think she understands that it was not okay to come here on her own,” Blair assured Todd. “I was surprised that you and Kevin have become . . . well, friends of sort.”

“He’s not that bad, for a Buchanan, neither is Bo.”

“You think Bo Buchanan is your friend?”

“I didn’t say that.” Todd stated angrily. He wanted to believe that, but he was afraid to. “I’m only saying Bo and Nora were . . .” Now Todd felt embarrassed.

“They were what?” Blair pressed.

“They were nice to me. Okay! They were really nice to me when they were here.”

Blair felt anxious. None of this felt right. “Todd,” Blair began in a whisper. “I don’t think you should trust Bo and Nora Buchanan.”

“Why, did they say something to you about me?” Todd suddenly realized how much Bo and Nora’s seeming affection meant to him. He began to wonder if he only imagined that they cared about him and if he was being a fool again to have that hope.

“No. I haven’t seen or spoken to Bo or Nora in a long time. I just mean that Bo and Nora always went out of their way to hurt you and see you punished. I can’t believe they suddenly did such an about face.”

“Look! I didn’t say they were planning on adopting me! All I said was that they were nice when they came to see me. I know they probably still hate my guts and they were only pretending. I’m not that stupid!” 

Todd didn’t think they were pretending at all and now he felt like an idiot for believing that they could really forgive him or like him. It was still so much safer for Todd to believe the one person who said negative things about him or about someone really caring for him than to believe many others who praised him or said they thought he was good, smart, talented, loved . . . anything positive. At least he never had to feel like a fool for believing something negative and he never had to feel the pain when he learned those who praised or said they loved him were only pretending. He believed that sooner or later, he’d discover anything good anyone said about him, was a lie.

“All right. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Blair paused for a minute. She wanted to make sure Todd had calmed down. She didn’t want Frank coming in and ending her visit. Then she continued. “I hope you’re being cautions around Kevin, too.”

“Kevin? Why?” Todd wondered if he had been even more of a fool than he thought.

Blair took a deep breath. “Todd I don’t want to upset you or make you feel bad about yourself in anyway. I . . . well . . . I’ve seen . . .” Blair took another deep breath.”

“What! Jesus, Blair! Saw what!” 

“Shhhh, you have to keep your voice down or Frank will come in here.” Blair paused for another breath. “Todd, haven’t you noticed how close Kevin has gotten with Téa?”

Anxiety washed over Todd. “They both come here to see me. Kevin also comes here a lot to see Viki since she stays here with me most of the time.”

“I know they both have a good reason to be here at the same time. I’ve just noticed . . .” Blair looked into Todd’s eyes. She saw the pain she was causing. She didn’t know if she could go through with this.

“Noticed what?” Todd’s tone revealed his anxiety.

Blair looked away from Todd. “Nothing. I just want you to be careful of whom you trust.”

Todd knew Blair was holding back. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and grabbed Blair by her upper arms. His fingers dug into her flesh “Tell me what you were going to say about Téa and Kevin.”

“Todd you’re hurting me,” Blair whispered.

Instead of letting go, Todd tightened his grip and shook her. “Tell me!”

Blair winced in pain. She didn’t want to call out for help. She knew they’d make her leave. Blair’s lower lip trembled. “I think Téa and Kevin are fooling around behind your back.”

Todd’s hands dropped away from Blair’s arms. She saw a look of total shock on his face. 

Todd felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach. He couldn’t catch his breath.

“Oh God,” Blair said softly when she saw Todd’s reaction. “I might be wrong. Todd, I don’t know if this is really true or not. It’s just the way it looks to me.”

Todd didn’t respond. 

Blair saw his head shake back and forth. It was clear that Todd was telling himself this couldn’t be true. Blair didn’t know if she should call someone or not. She was frightened for Todd and very sorry that she went through with this.

“Téa wouldn’t do that to me,” Todd whispered. “I’m her choice.”

“Her choice?” Blair didn’t understand.

“I’m her choice,” Todd repeated to himself, as if Blair wasn’t even in the room. “She could have had Andrew, but I was her choice. Not Kevin . . . Kevin? . . . he helped me . . . he . . . we’re gonna be cool with each other for Viki . . . I believed him . . . I . . . she knows what I let Garret do . . . she knows what I let my dad do . . . she knows what I did to my mom . . . I wouldn’t blame her . . . but she doesn’t lie . . . Delgado doesn’t lie . . . she’d tell me . . . she’d be straight with me . . . she told me she only came back to get a divorce . . . she didn’t lie then . . . maybe they told her not to tell me . . . poor crazy Todd can’t take it. She’d never hurt me. If they told her it would hurt me she’d lie to protect me . . . the voice . . . Bitsy . . . she was right . . .

I’ll hurt her . . . I’m disgusting . . . I should be happy . . .”

“Todd. Look at me,” Blair placed her hand on his arm. “You’re scaring me. Do you want me to get Frank?”

Todd looked up at Blair. He seemed dazed. “I want her to be safe. I want her to be happy. I want that more than anything. She’ll never have that with me. She’ll never let go as long as she thinks she can help me. She’s always wanted to help me, from the day we met.”

“Todd, please. I’m probably not even right. You know the way I am.” Blair wished she could take her words back.

“Yeah, I know. You always think everyone is doing the worst thing they can do because that’s what you would do.” Todd saw that Blair was crying. “I know because I’m the same way. That’s what we always had in common, Blair. Neither of us is worth anything.”

“Todd, that’s not true,” Blair cried.

“Sure it is. There’s only one good thing either of us has ever done in our lives. We made Shorty. She shouldn’t be near us, Blair. Maybe she has a chance? Maybe she can turn out okay if she’s not around either of us?”

“How can you say that? We love our little girl more than anyone. We’d both die for Starr if it would help her or keep her safe.”

“That won’t save her! Loving someone won’t save them. It won’t save Starr and it won’t save Delgado. They were right. They were right. Everyone tells me not to believe them, but they were right all along.”

“Who was right?”

“Those voices! What are you stupid! I told you that! They’re two of them that warned me. She said if I was punished enough Téa would be safe with me. I don’t think there’s enough punishment. There’s never enough punishment for a rapist. There’s never enough for someone who’s done the things that I’ve done. I don’t know how to keep her safe. She keeps coming here. I told her not to. I told them I didn’t want to see her. They told me I have no choice. They think they’re helping. All they’re gonna do is get her hurt or killed.”

“Are you talking about Starr?” Blair couldn’t follow Todd.

“No! Téa! I’m talking about Téa. I begged them to send me away. They wouldn’t do it. No one will help me. If Kevin wants Téa why won’t he help me? I don’t understand. I begged him to talk to Viki and get her to send me away. Why? Why won’t anyone help me get away?”

“What if I can help you?”

Todd stared into Blair’s eyes. “You said you couldn’t get to my money. How can you help me? They watch me like a hawk. I’ll never be able to escape from here.”

“Shhhh,” Blair whispered. She looked around to see if Frank had opened the door any more than the quarter way it had been opened. He hadn’t. Frank saw that Todd was awake. It looked as if he and Blair were talking calmly. “Todd, if I could convince a judge to let you come home to the penthouse, would you want that?”

“No! Are you the one who’s crazy? I told you I don’t want Starr to be around me.”

“Starr could stay with Dorian until you’re . . . well . . . until you’re feeling better.”

Todd laughed. “Feeling better? Do you think I have a cold, Blair? I’m crazy! I’m a psycho. I do horrible things to people. I have this rage inside me that makes me hate so much that I want to hurt people.”

“You’d never hate or want to hurt Starr,” Blair insisted.

“I don’t know what I’m capable of. No! Forget it. Starr is never going to be around me again, let alone live with me.”

“Okay, okay. Then Starr can stay with Dorian indefinitely.”

“Oh you are crazy. They should give you a room next to mine if you think I want Dorian raising Starr or anywhere near Starr. She’s just as bad as I am. She lives to hurt people.”

“Why do you have to go through life being such an imbecile?” 

Todd jumped when he heard Saber. 

“How long do you think it would take you to get away from Blair and the penthouse once you’re there?” Saber asked. “You know what you have to do, Todd. You know there is only one way to make sure that Starr and Téa and everyone you care about is safe. You’ll never be able to do what you have to do here. You’ll never be able to get away from any of them from here. Blair is offering you a golden opportunity to rid the world of your disgusting, evil self once and for all.”

“Todd? Todd, are you hearing voices?” Blair asked anxiously.

Todd remembered he promised Téa he would tell someone if he was hearing voices. Even now, he didn’t want to break a promise to her. “Yes.” He grabbed Blair’s arm. “Don’t get Frank or anyone.” 

“Are you okay?” Blair’s voice was filled with fear. She never meant to do this to Todd. 

“Yes. How can you do it? How can you get me out of here?”

Blair’s heart began to race. “You mean you really want me to? You want to live with me at the penthouse, even if it means Starr will stay with Dorian until you’re ready to be with her again?”

The thought of Starr living with Dorian filled Todd with fury and fear. 

“It’ll only be for a day or two, stupid! Just long enough for you to get the courage and brains to act like a man and do what you have to do to keep that kid and wife of yours safe,” Saber whispered to Todd. Saber didn’t want to spook Todd. He was too close to getting what he wanted. “Once you’re out of the picture that pretty little girl of yours can come home to her own little room.”

Todd remembered the time he, Téa and Starr went shopping for the furniture for that room. He remembered the emotions he felt when Starr got to pick out her first “big girl” bed. A lump formed in his throat and tears filled his eyes at the thought of never seeing his precious Shorty and Téa again . . . never seeing Viki and Sam or Susannah and the staff again. He loved Viki and Sam with all his heart and he realized he felt love for Susannah and many of staff members too. Todd felt guilt wash over him. Will Doctor Hanen and Frank and Dave and Terry and the rest of them feel like they failed? Todd wondered to himself.

“Don’t think about that now,” Saber ordered in a soft tone. He was getting his way, so he felt a little more charitable toward Todd. “Stay focused. Blair is giving you the chance you’ve been begging for. Don’t blow it like you’ve blown every other chance you’ve ever gotten.”

“I won’t,” Todd whispered.

“You won’t come to live at the penthouse with me?” Blair asked in obvious confusion.

Todd looked at her. “What?”

“Todd, be honest with me. I don’t want you to do something that you really don’t want to do. If you believe that being in a hospital is helping you, then I’ll find you another hospital to go to. I’m afraid that all the drugs they’re giving you here are making you worse. Sweetie, I swear, I only want what’s best for you.” Blair held back telling him she believed she had evidence that the Buchanans were paying Susannah to make him seem sicker.

“It’s best for you to keep everyone safe, isn’t it, Todd?” Saber asked calmly and gently. The last thing he wanted at this point was for Todd to freak out and for the staff to ask Blair to leave. Stupid bitch, Saber thought as he looked at Blair and chuckled to himself. She’s playing right into my hands. 

Is it the drugs? Todd thought to himself in terror. Are they making me even crazier than I am? I always thought the drugs were doing this to me . . . taking away my control . . . NO! Doctor Hanen is a good doctor. She would know . . . she would . . . oh God, I’m so scared.

“Todd, is leaving here what you think is best for you?” Blair pressed.

“Yeah,” Todd stared off into space and mouthed the word.

Blair rested her hand on Todd’s forearm. “I can’t promise you that I’ll be able to get you out of here. I swear I will try my best. I’m going to need your help.”

Todd’s heart began to pound. He was scared to death. He wondered, what if it wasn’t the drugs? He had progressed enough to realize that his only shot at getting well and getting the life he wanted was to stay in the hospital and continue therapy. He had also progressed enough to realize he was a danger to himself. He knew he would be giving up his life if he left the hospital at this point. My life is worthless. I have to do what’s best for Shorty and Delgado and everyone, he thought to himself.

“Sweetie, did you hear me? We don’t have much time. Viki, Sam and Téa could be back here at any moment or the staff could come in. I need you to listen to me.”

Todd tried his best to focus on Blair. “I’m listening. What do I have to do?”

“If someone official . . . a judge or a social worker or another psychiatrist asks you who you want to be your guardian, you have to tell them you want Sam to be your guardian and you want to live with Sam and me at the penthouse.”

Todd was confused. “Sam? I thought you wanted me to live with you?”

“I do. Sweetie, Sam and Viki are your legal guardians. As long as Viki wants you here, Sam is the one that will have to petition the court to get you out of the hospital. Once he does that, hopefully they will let both of you live at the penthouse?”

“What about Viki? I don’t want Viki to be hurt. I . . .”

“Viki will be hurt much more if you stay in her life,” Saber reminded Todd. “Don’t you remember how hard you tried to get her to send you to another hospital? You know that you will ruin her life the way you did your mother’s. Sam’s not dealing with a full deck and Blair can be easily handled, leave her to me. Once you’re at the penthouse, you can get away from them. If you love all of them and you want to make sure your daughter and wife stay safe, you’ll be a man and do what needs to be done. Blair is giving you a one-time opportunity. Don’t blow it. If Téa can have a good life with Kevin or someone other than you, let her. Isn’t that what you want for her . . . a good, safe, normal, happy life?”

Todd nodded. Tears welled up in his eyes and trickled down his cheek. 

Blair assumed Todd was upset over his sister. “I’m not out to hurt Viki. I promise you that. I know how much you love her and how much she loves you. I’m just afraid that she might not know what’s best for you. Her judgment might be clouded by her own loyalty to . . . well to Doctor Hanen and Kevin.”

“Do it,” Todd whispered.

“Then you’ll tell anyone who asks that you want Sam to take you to live with me at the penthouse?”

“Yeah,” Todd said softly and without emotion.

“Oh Todd, I promise you’ll get well. I really do think all the drugs that they’re giving you are making you sicker. I know how much you always hated to take any kind of sleeping medication or sedatives. You’ll see. Once you’re in your own home and your own bed you’ll just get better and better until you’re your old self again.” Blair stroked Todd’s head. 

Todd pulled away from her touch. “Yeah, my old self.” Todd laughed at the irony. “That’s just what I want.” Todd felt his dreams of being the man he wanted to be and having the kind of life he always wanted crumble around him.”

“Sweetie, you’ll still have help. I’m going to hire the very best doctor and nurses and techs to take care of you. But we’ll be in charge, instead of the other way around. They won’t be able to just give you any kind of drug any time they want or tie you down. I won’t let anyone ever do that to you again once you’re out of here.”

“No! I don’t want any new doctors or nurses or anyone. You keep them away from me.”

“Todd, we can’t just take . . .”

“No! Just you and Sam! That’s it. I don’t want anyone else around me.”

“Todd, the courts won’t just let you leave like that. We have to show them that you’ll still be receiving proper care. This staff would be working private duty. They’ll do what we tell them to do.” Blair left out the part about Dorian picking out the staff Blair planned on hiring. She knew that wouldn’t set well with Todd. “Sweetie, they won’t be like the staff here. If you want them to leave you alone they will. If you don’t want to do therapy and relive all that pain, you won’t have to. It’s just to show the court.”

“Whatever,” Todd muttered. He stared off into space again. 

Blair felt the uncomfortable silence. 

“Tell me what you saw,” Todd suddenly asked.

“What I saw when?”

“What you saw between Téa and Kevin.”

“It doesn’t matter. Why do you want to upset yourself?”

Todd grabbed Blair’s face between the fingers and thumb of his right hand and pulled her toward him until their faces were less than an inch apart. “Tell me what you saw!”

Blair winced in pain. “I will. Let go of me. Todd, you’re hurting me. Let go.”

Todd pulled his hand away. “Tell me.”

“Actually, I haven’t seen Téa and Kevin together in a while,” Blair stated honestly. “I did see them in some . . . they went on a picnic together and it seemed like a very romantic one. Kevin was seen coming out of Téa’s hotel room and Téa’s robe was . . . Do you really want to hear this?”

From the glare in Todd’s eyes, Blair knew he did. “I went to Téa’s room one time and she was in her robe and Kevin came out of the shower half naked. That’s when I first became suspicious. Sam . . .” Blair stopped talking. She wanted to kick herself. She did not want Todd to talk to Sam about this, not in the mental condition Sam was in.

“What about Sam? Sam thinks Téa’s fooling around with Kevin, too?” Todd was feeling more and more like a fool.

“No . . . I don’t know what Sam’s thinking. I was going to say that Sam doesn’t like the way you’re being treated here either. He thinks they’re giving you too much medication, too. That’s why he might be willing to help me get you out of here.”

“Sam wouldn’t do that to Viki?”

“Sam loves you dearly. He wants what’s best for you.”

“I thought Kevin was dating Rachel?” It was obvious that Todd could not get Téa off his mind.

“He is. Look, I let Kevin and Téa know that I was suspicious of them. I think they are cooling it because they know that I’m onto them.”

“Téa would never do that to me,” Todd whispered to himself. 

“I know it hurts to think that she would. I’m sorry. The last thing I want is for you to be hurt.”

“She wouldn’t do that! She’s honest with me. She’s not like you.”

“No! She’s just a whore who married you for five million dollars so she could steal my baby. She never loved you!” Blair regretted saying that the moment the words came out of her mouth. She hated that Todd could still push the buttons that made her want to lash out at him. She thought she could keep herself from ever hurting him again.

Todd grabbed a fist full of Blair’s hair and pulled her to him. “Don’t you ever call Téa that again,” he managed to get out through clenched teeth. “At least I knew she was marrying me for the money. She didn’t pretend to be knocked up with my kid!”

Blair began to cry. She struggled to keep her voice low. “What the hell kind of hold does she have on you? Todd! She’s not worth it. You have to think about yourself now and what’s best for you. She’s not. She never has been. She’s not worth your love or your pain.”

Todd pushed Blair’s head away from him and let go of her hair. “Téa’s worth a million of each of us put together. If-if she’s trying to have some kind of normal time with someone who can give her that . . . it doesn’t mean she’s . . . I want her to have a life away from me. I’ve told her that over and over again. Do you think I want her to be stuck with someone like me for the rest of her life? She’s trying not to hurt me. She’s standing by me because everyone knows I’m crazy.”

“You’re not. Todd, you’re not crazy. I’ve been here, too. I’ve been here all alone . . .”

“Shut up, Blair. Just shut up,” Todd cut her off. “You do what you have to do to get me out of here. Don’t worry. I’ll do my part. Okay! Visit’s over!”

Blair wiped the tears from her eyes. “I didn’t tell you this to hurt you. More than anything in the world I want you to get well. Todd, I swear. I’m so sorry for all the times I hurt you. I don’t want us to hurt each other anymore.”

“Why not? We’re so good at it?” Todd snapped.

“Please, don’t be that way?” Blair pleaded.

“Look, you just make sure Shorty is not around if I get to the penthouse.”

“I will,” Blair promised. “Todd, you know not to say anything about this to Viki or Sam or the staff or to anyone.”

“I’m not completely stupid, Blair. I know that if you’re able to get me out of here you’ll probably have to pull something. I don’t give a shit. Do whatever it is you have to do. I won’t say anything to anyone.”

“It’s not a 100 percent sure thing. I’ll try my best, but there is a chance that I won’t be able to get you out of here, no matter what I try.”

“Yeah, I know,” Todd said, angrily. “Why don’t you find out who the judge is? Maybe if it’s a guy you can fuck him into letting me go.”

Blair tried to keep her anger and pain at bay. She told herself that Todd was ill and the drugs were making him worse. She could not allow herself to become angry enough to want to hurt him again. “I know you’re hurt and angry. I’m not the one you should be angry with.”

“I’m not hurt and I’m not angry. I was just commenting on one of your best skills.”

“I also know you don’t think it’s possible for me to have changed. I did. I did, Todd. Seeing you get so sick made me change. I know you can’t believe that right now. You’ll see. If you get to come home with me a-and with Sam of course, you’ll see. Things will be different this time.”

“Whatever,” Todd mumbled. “I’m tired.” He laid back and rolled over on his side, facing away from Blair.

“Okay, sweetie, you get some rest.” Blair reached out to stroke Todd’s head. She pulled her hand back. She knew her touch would upset him. “I’ll let you know how things are going.”

Blair forced a smile for Frank’s benefit as she left Todd’s room. “He’s going to take a nap,” she let Frank know.

Frank looked closely at Blair. “Are you all right? Did Todd say something to upset you?”

“No. I just hate seeing him so sick.”

“Blair, he’s making excellent progress, physically and mentally. I know it’s difficult and Todd’s been here for months, but he is doing very well,” Frank happily informed her.

Blair patted Frank’s arm. “Thank you for telling me. You’ve been good to Todd. I can see that you genuinely care for him.” Blair meant that. She trusted Frank and didn’t believe he had any part in hurting Todd.

“Everyone here does. Todd is a very special young man,” Frank said with a smile.

*********

Blair was able to hold it together until she got to the hospital lobby. Then she began to tremble so badly she had to sit down to keep from falling over. “I did it. Oh my God, I did it.” Blair closed her eyes. “Please God, let it be the right thing.” 

Now that she took the step, Blair was petrified. She was afraid that she might be making things worse for Todd. The fear that she couldn’t allow to come into her consciousness was fear for herself. This was the first time since Todd had been hospitalized that he wasn’t very physically sick, or having a psychotic episode, or that an alter wasn’t present during one of her visits. Todd was more or less himself for the moment. That’s what terrified Blair. It brought back just how emotionally and physically abusive her relationship with Todd often was. That was the reality that Blair could not let herself look at now, not if she were to continue to tell herself that a life with her was what was best for Todd and best for her and their little girl. 

SECRETS

Chapter 125 Part 2

Dorian waved to Viki as she walked to the back booth where Viki sat waiting for her. “Thank you for agreeing to meet with me,” Dorian said as she slid into her side of the booth. 

“I think it’s wonderful that they’re starting a Dissociative Disorders unit at Melinda’s hospital. There are so few of them left anymore. I’ll be happy to help in any way I can,” Viki offered immediately. “I’m sure Susannah would be, too.” 

“Yes, I’m sure she would,” Dorian smiled. “We both know what repressed memories and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder can do to people.” Dorian stopped talking when the server came over. “I’ll just have coffee, please.” Once Viki and Dorian were alone again, Dorian continued. “Take you for instance. Where would you have been when all those horrible memories of what your father did came back to you if you had not had a therapist who specialized in DID?” 

“I’m sure I would not have faired as well if I had not had a therapist like Susannah,” Viki agreed. “In fact, I know I would not have. DID is difficult to treat and it is not something most psychiatrists learn that much about. There are still some who believe it doesn’t even exist and others who think it’s far rarer than it is.” 

“Having seen what DID has done to you and Todd, I’m certainly a believer,” Dorian stated.  

“Yes, it has caused both my brother and me a tremendous amount of suffering, but it has also saved us. I don’t think either of us would have survived if we had not been able to dissociate to the extent we did.” 

“I’m sure,” Dorian agreed. “What about memories that stay repressed, even after integration?” 

“What do you mean?” Viki asked. 

“What if Doctor Hanen, or any therapist that is working with a DID patient was not able to get to all the memories? Do you think there is some unknown alter still there holding those memories or do you think that with some prodding the person can remember the rest on his or her own?” 

“I think it could be both. It’s also possible for an alter that has been dormant to surface in times of great stress. It would usually be an alter that handled that type of stress in the past,” Viki explained. 

“If you don’t mind me using you as an example,” Dorian asked innocently, “let’s say you were in a sexual situation you couldn’t handle, Niki would be the one to come back, right?” 

“Most likely. Niki was the one who handled my sexuality when I couldn’t. She was able to like sex when I couldn’t.” Viki was beginning to feel uncomfortable with the way this conversation was going. 

“So if you felt rage you couldn’t handle Tori or Tommy would be the ones to come back?” Dorian pressed. 

“Tori, for the most part, handled my rage against father and my unconscious need to know the truth. Tommy’s anger stemmed from a more basic need to protect me. He would go after anyone he sensed was a threat, not just Father, anyone who tried to stop me from getting to the truth.” 

“I see,” Dorian commented. “So if there were still some kind of truth about something Victor did, buried deep inside you, there is a possibility that Tori could come back?” 

“What does any of this have to do with a Dissociative Disorders unit being started at Melinda’s hospital?” Viki asked suspiciously. 

“Nothing really,” Dorian admitted. “I just want to find out as much as I can and that was something I was wondering about. Do you think it’s possible that even though Tori was supposedly successfully integrated that she could come back?” 

Viki sighed. “It is possible that if a trauma that was not uncovered and digested during my original therapy is still there and Tori wanted me to remember, she could come back. An alter can become dormant or they can completely disintegrate. Usually if they disintegrate, they don’t come back. Remember, this is the mind we’re talking about, Dorian. Anything is possible. Alters can join . . . fuse, so to speak. They can become split off from each other again if that is needed by the system. A new alter can emerge and take on the characteristics of a former alter or carry the former alter’s name.” 

“So if, let’s say, you had this undigested trauma and Tori wanted you to know about it, it is possible that Jean or someone like Jean could come out to keep the truth from you, just like she did about the sexual abuse?” 

This all felt much too personal for Viki’s comfort. “Dorian, what is this really about? Why do you want to know about my alters?” 

“I don’t. Viki, I . . . you are the only one I know who has had DID. So of course I’m going to ask about your alters and your situation.” 

Viki wasn’t buying this. “What does any of this have to do with a Dissociative Disorders unit being started? I’m sure if one is, a staff with experience in DID along with other dissociative disorders will be hired. They will not need you to do research for them on DID.” 

Dorian laughed nervously. “No, of course they won’t. I don’t know what I was thinking. I suppose I want to be as knowledgeable as possible when I meet with the hospital board.” 

Dorian’s ego. This sounded more reasonable to Viki. “They will not expect you to be knowledgeable in this. You were a medical doctor, not a psychiatrist.” 

Dorian smiled. “You are right again. I can’t argue with that.” 

Dorian was being much too agreeable. Viki was feeling more suspicious by the minute. “Is there anything else? If not, I would like to get back to the hosp . . .” 

“Yes, there is,” Dorian answered a little too quickly. She didn’t know how to bring up what she wanted to ask Viki. So she tried to stall for time. “I was wondering if you’ve heard anything about James Porter or about the checks Victor wrote to him?” Dorian watched Viki closely for any reaction. 

“No. Why, have you heard something?” Viki’s tone conveyed her anxiety. 

“No, or I wouldn’t be asking you, now would I, dear?” 

Viki shook her head. Her patience for Dorian was wearing thin. She picked up her cup and took a sip of tea. 

“Poor Todd,” Dorian sighed. “It breaks my heart to think that none of this would be happening to him if only Victor hadn’t almost literally ripped him from Irene Manning’s arms and forced her to give him away. Oh my goodness,” Dorian exclaimed when Viki’s hand shook and she spilled some of the remaining tea on herself. Dorian reached over and started to blot Viki’s blouse with a paper napkin. 

Viki pushed Dorian’s hand away. “I can do it!” 

“I hope it wasn’t still hot,” Dorian declared. 

“No, it wasn’t,” Viki said, coldly. She wondered why she felt anxious and a little short of breath. 

“Are you all right, dear?” Dorian asked sweetly. 

“I’m fine,” Viki’s voice trembled. 

“You look a little pale,” Dorian observed. 

Viki looked at her watch. “I’ve been gone from the hospital for longer than I’d hoped I’d be. I told you one of the children was out. Are we finished here?” 

“Yes, I didn’t mean to keep you.” Dorian lifted her purse, took some money out and left it on the table. She then stood up. “Please give the little one a kiss from his Auntie Dorian. I do care about all those sweet children that live inside Todd and about Todd. He is my stepson after all.” 

Viki felt too sick to comment. She did manage to say, “Let me know if the unit is a go and I’ll send a donation.” 

Dorian felt a twinge of guilt. “Thank you, Viki. That’s very generous.” 

After Dorian left, Viki went to the restroom and splashed some cold water on her face. She was trembling. “Dear Lord, what is it? What is happening to me?” Viki whispered to herself. She decided to have another cup of tea and try to pull herself together before she went back to the hospital. 

********* 

It took awhile before Blair felt calm enough to go to her car. Just as she was getting ready to stand up and leave, Sam rushed toward her. 

“Did something happen to Todd?” Sam asked frantically. 

“No, he’s fine. I just left him.” Blair noticed that Sam looked better than he had. 

“I was away from the hospital for a while,” Sam stated. “You look upset. I thought something happened to Todd or Andy actually. I knew Susannah planned on taking him in for a session of play therapy.” 

“Andy wasn’t out when I was there, Todd was.” 

“Todd is back?” Sam seemed surprised. 

“He seems a lot stronger, physically,” Blair remarked.” 

“He is. He’s doing much better, physically and emotionally. He’s had a lot of breakthroughs. Susannah is doing some amazing work with him.” 

Blair was shocked by Sam’s last statement. “Are you saying that you’ve gone back to thinking that Susannah is doing right by Todd?” 

Sam looked into Blair’s eyes. “We were wrong about her. We were wrong about everything. Todd needs to be here where he can get the best help. He needs to be with his family.” 

“Does that include Téa!” Blair asked angrily. 

“Look, I know we had our suspicions, but we were wrong at every turn. Just like I was when I thought Téa and Kevin had just made love or were about to. Téa was sick. She fainted.” 

Blair felt bile rise in her throat. She felt like she was going to vomit right there, on the lobby floor. Her heart pounded. She knew without Sam as an ally she had no chance in hell of getting Todd home to live with her and eventually with her and Starr.  

“Sam, please don’t become blind to what’s happened to Todd since he’s been here. He almost died. He became physically ill. His mental condition worsened. They drug him out of his mind. They tie him down. They’ve allowed Rocky to cut himself to shreds with broken glass. They’ve stood by while Todd bashed his head into something hard enough to cause a concussion. He’s developed epilepsy since he’s been here. They say it’s from an old scar. Is it just a coincidence that this old brain injury never caused seizures until Todd was a patient here? Think about Adam. They torture that little boy when he comes out. Téa may have been sick when you saw her, but she certainly didn’t faint when she and Kevin were both undressed in her hotel room or when she hugged Kevin while her robe was open or saw him to the door nearly naked or when they laughed and toasted each other on a romantic picnic.” 

Sam was starting to doubt himself again. He took some calming breaths. “All of that can be explained.” 

“Can it, Sam?” Blair voice was a mixture of fear and fury. “Can all of that be explained enough to take a chance with Todd’s life?” 

“Patients often get worse mentally and physically when they begin therapy,” Sam tried to explain. “Todd has gotten so much better in so many ways now. He wasn’t in the best of health when he was first brought into the hospital. After Georgie died, he went for months without sleeping or eating much and his anxiety levels were high. His health took a downward spiral and it took time to get him back. Blair, he’s getting physically stronger and healthier every day. His latest labs were great and I’m sure you can see for yourself how much weight he’s gained back. No matter how much staff is present it’s impossible to keep a patient from hurting him or herself sometimes. Okay, I’m still not happy about Adam’s program, but he’s not out that often.” 

“So it’s okay to torture him when he is? For God’s sake, Sam, Adam is only three years old and he can’t communicate. He has no way of protecting himself. What’s changed? Did they get to you somehow? You sound like Viki when she sings the party line about what a great therapist Doctor Hanen is and what a loving and devoted wife Téa is.” 

“Téa almost never leaves Todd’s side except to go home and sleep,” Sam argued. “Sometimes she doesn’t even do that. She makes him happy. The only time he sleeps peacefully is when she’s with him. He seems stronger around her and more mature. She brings out the protective husband in him.” 

Blair’s eyes filled with tears as she remembered how she had just tried to comfort Todd as he slept and he had only become more agitated. She flashed on how rough Todd had just treated her. Blair realized he never treated her with the tenderness he was able to show Téa most of the time. Blair remembered how gentle and caring Todd had been with Téa when she hobbled into the courtroom the day she helped Todd get custody of Starr. Blair felt hatred for Téa in her heart. Now even Sam was refusing to see the truth about her. The only way to break that witch’s hold on Todd and everyone else is to get her out of Todd’s life! Blair thought to herself furiously. 

“Sam!” Blair spat out. “You’ve been feeling so guilty for not realizing how horribly Todd was abused as a child. You say you can’t forgive yourself for all the times Todd could have been safe instead of being tortured if you’d just heard his cries for help and gotten him out of Peter’s house. You admit that your instincts are not always right. How can you trust that they are now? How will you feel if Todd gets hurt again, on your watch!” 

Sam turned pale. Blair had just touched on one of Sam’s greatest fears . . . that he could not trust his own judgment and that Todd would be hurt again while he just stood by and did nothing. 

“I-I’m going by what I see with my own eyes,” Sam said without any of the confidence his tone had just a few minutes ago. “Todd is getting better. He’s able to face more and more of the traumas that happened to him. He’s beginning to communicate with the alters and share memories with them and become friends with some of them. There are medical tests that show he’s doing so much better physically and I can see his physical strength coming back. Those things are facts.” Sam sounded like he was trying to convince himself along with Blair. “Susannah and the staff here are responsible for most of the improvements in Todd. Susannah loves him. She loves him as if he were her own child. I know that. Téa’s completely devoted to Todd. All she wants is for him to get well so they can have a life and family together. I know that, too. I KNOW that,” Sam stated loudly and firmly. 

“Then you explain to me, Sam, why Doctor Hanen took five hundred thousand dollars from Asa Buchanan. You just explain that to me!” 

Sam stared at Blair in shocked disbelief.  

Blair wanted to kick herself for letting it out this way and this soon.  

“What the hell are you talking about?” Sam’s voice was low and his breathing was becoming rapid. 

“Sam, please. Let’s sit down.” 

Sam grabbed Blair’s arm. “Tell me what you’re talking about.” 

“Please, I don’t want to do this here. Someone could overhear.” 

“You should have thought of that before you said what you just said,” Sam declared angrily. He pulled Blair over to a quiet empty corner of the lobby. He sat down on a couch and pulled her down next to him. “You tell me what you’re talking about right now,” Sam ordered. His jaw was clenched. 

Blair’s lips trembled. She took a deep breath. “Sam, I know you’re not going to like this, but I had Doctor Hanen investigated. About a month ago, right before Nora provoked Todd into attacking her and Baby came out, Asa had a half million dollars transferred to Doctor Hanen’s bank account . . . a half million, Sam. What do you think it was for, marriage counseling for him and Renee!” 

Sam shook his head. “It’s not true. Su-Susannah wouldn’t take money from Asa to . . . to . . . what . . . hurt Todd . . . is that what you’re saying? You think Asa is paying her to hurt Todd?” 

“Think about it, Sam. Asa has always hated that Todd got away with writing those things about Bo and taking us hostage and causing him to have a nearly fatal heart attack. He believes he has every right to take justice into his own hands. Bo and Kevin have always hated Todd for what he did to Marty and especially to Nora. Now suddenly Asa gives Doctor Hanen half a million dollars and just as suddenly Nora forgives Todd for everything he ever did to her and Bo is Todd’s friend.” 

“Viki,” Sam choked out. “Viki would have known if Susannah was capable of such a thing” 

“Would she?” Blair asked rhetorically. “Viki will always be grateful to Doctor Hanen for saving her sanity. She has never been able to be objective.” 

“Susannah’s not . . . she doesn’t care about money. She doesn’t live luxuriously. She doesn’t want to. She has no tolerance for pompous or showy people. She hates parties and dressing up. She has no desire for a big house or expensive cars or jewelry or anything like that.” 

“What about Bill Jackson?” 

“What about Bill?” Sam had no idea what Blair was getting at. 

“He left his job in Chicago to stay here with Doctor Hanen. He has children, doesn’t he? He just bought a house.” 

“Rented,” Sam corrected Blair. 

“For now! Maybe he needs the money? Maybe she took it to help him? Sam, you’re no innocent babe in the woods. You know that when it comes to money people will do things you’d never dream they would.” 

“Like telling a troubled boy who was desperate for a family that he was going to have a child just so you could scam him out of his inheritance,” Sam bitterly accused. 

“Yes! Exactly like that,” Blair shot back. “I never wanted to hurt Todd. I needed money and he had it. How do you know it’s not the same with Doctor Hanen . . . although I do believe it’s more for revenge. Nora is her sister for God’s sake . . . her flesh and blood. No matter how much they fought over the years, family is family. I can’t stand Kelly most of the time and I’ve hurt her, but if someone else did, I’d want to get back at them. I’d do anything for Cassie and I’d die to save Mama and Starr. Don’t you think Doctor Hanen might have similar loyalties to Nora?” 

Sam stared into space for a minute. Finally his eyes met Blair’s “Do you have any proof of the money transfer?” 

“Yes. Matthew Allen is going to subpoena Doctor Hanen and Asa’s bank records.” 

Sam’s thoughts were becoming disorganized but he was still able to think clearly enough to state, “None of this makes sense. Asa’s not an idiot and neither is Susannah. They wouldn’t have left a trail that was so easy to discover.” 

“You know what an ego Asa has. Most of his schemes were found out. Remember he pretended to be dead once. There was the time he pretended to have lost his mind. Asa is not as smart as he thinks he is. I was able to scam him easily enough,” Blair sounded proud. “Doctor Hanen might believe that no one would ever suspect her and look into her private business or like the PI I hired suggested . . . there’s nothing criminal about taking money from Asa. Doctor Hanen and Asa might believe that it could be explained away if someone should ask.” 

Sam felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. He remembered how close to Susannah he’d felt again last night. He thought of how much she had helped him, despite how badly he’d treated her these past couple of months. He thought about the things Susannah said to Pete. She had tried to make things right and get Pete to understand how much he loved him and Todd. Oh my God, is my judgment non-existent? Sam thought frantically. He jumped up and started to leave. 

Blair grabbed his arm. “Sam! Where are you going?” 

“To find Asa. If that son of a bitch paid someone to hurt Todd, I’ll get the truth out of him.” 

“No! Sam what are you thinking? You can’t let them know we’re onto them.” 

“What the hell are you talking about? You tell me that Asa is paying to keep Todd sick and you think I’m going to sit around with my thumb up my ass doing nothing!” 

“Sam, we will do something. We’ll get Todd out of here. But we have to be smart. If you go over to Asa’s and start accusing him they will find some way to cover what they did. If Doctor Hanen is hurting Todd it could mean the end of her career and who knows what else, possibly jail time. You don’t think she’ll just sit by and do nothing. She might try to convince Viki that you’re crazy and that you should have no legal rights to Todd. She might talk Viki into taking Todd to Switzerland. They might even do something to Todd.” 

“Are you out of your mind?” Sam asked Blair. “You’re making this sound like some kind of government conspiracy.” 

“What if Todd is being given some kind of drug that’s not a regular psychiatric medication? What if they are giving him something to make him seem so disturbed and cause him to have seizures? They might not want that to show should an outside agency test him?” 

Sam’s head was spinning. 

“Sam, please, I’m begging you. Don’t go off half-cocked and do something that could end up hurting Todd or ruining our chance of getting him out of the hospital. The PI and Mr. Allen both said we have to do this legally. I don’t think they will do anything to Todd that they haven’t been doing if they don’t know we’re on to them. We’re close, Sam. We’re close to getting Todd out legally. Don’t blow it for him. You need to keep yourself together. If you go before a judge, you have to show them that you are a fit guardian for Todd. We have to show them that Todd will be safe and better off at the penthouse with you and me.” 

“What about Viki?” Sam asked softly. His voice sounded distant. 

“What about her?” Blair asked. 

“I can’t take Todd away from Viki.” 

“You wouldn’t be. You’d be taking him away from the hospital, Doctor Hanen, Kevin and Téa,” Blair said Téa’s name like it left a bad taste in her mouth. 

“Viki is Todd’s sister. She would give her life for him. She loves him as much as she does any one of her children, maybe more.” 

“Viki could come and be with Todd once she was able to see the truth. I know Viki would never allow anyone to hurt Todd, but she is blind to those she trusts Sam. When we can give her proof, then she might believe us. In the meantime her misplaced trust might be causing Todd harm. You’d be helping Viki. She’ll never forgive herself if anything happened to Todd because she trusted the wrong people. If you save her brother, you’ll be saving Viki, too. It’s your chance, Sam. It’s your chance to make up for everything you’ve been kicking yourself for and it’s coming soon, if you don’t blow it.” 

“How could we manage Todd at the penthouse? He could hurt himself or become ill,” Sam asked as if he were in a trance. 

“I have a staff lined up . . . a doctor, several nurses and techs. They will be under our control. They will do what we tell them to. We’ll be in charge of what they do or don’t do to Todd and the alters. No one will ever tie them up again or give them drugs that hurt them or put them through programs that torture them.” 

“What about Starr?” Sam asked. 

“Starr will stay with Dorian until Todd is himself again. That’s the way Todd wants it anyway.” 

Sam looked at Blair. His dazed look was replaced with anger. “You . . . you’ve discussed this with Todd?” 

Blair knew she had to level with Sam. He’d find out if Todd mentioned it anyway. That didn’t stop Blair from presenting Sam with her twisted version of events. “Todd was sleeping when I got there. He had a nightmare. When he woke up, he started talking about getting out of the hospital. He seemed so desperate. I wanted to calm him down. I let him know that I would try to help him. I let him know that his fears might not be so irrational and that we wanted him to live with us at the penthouse.” 

“You let him know that I would be there too?” Sam asked anxiously. 

“Of course. You are the one who has legal rights to him.” 

“He was okay with that? He wants to live with me?” 

Blair took Sam’s hand. “He loves you, Sam. Todd wants nothing more than for you to be the father he never had. He was very happy that you would be there. I think he knows it would be a chance for both of you to get things right,” Blair made sure to add. 

Sam looked at her suspiciously. “Todd said he was willing to leave Viki and Téa and live at the penthouse with you and me?” 

“Well, he did make me promise that Starr would not be there until he was feeling better, but he doesn’t want to be around Viki and Téa right now. He’s afraid he’ll hurt Viki.” 

Sam started to protest. 

Blair squeezed Sam’s hand. “We know he won’t and once all these drugs are out of his system, Todd will know he won’t hurt Viki and if Viki is willing to see the truth about those she thinks she can trust, she’ll be able to see Todd whenever she wants.” 

“Todd wants to walk away from Téa to protect her,” Sam stated. 

Blair drew her bottom lip through her top teeth. “Yes, that’s part of it.” 

“Part of it?” Sam didn’t understand. 

“Todd suspects Téa and Kevin, the same as we do. I had to let him know that he wasn’t being paranoid.” Blair out and out lied. 

“No,” Sam shook his head. “No, I would have known . . . okay, he might have mentioned it months ago and little Tom thought . . . but he’s over that . . . Tom adores Kevin now . . . Todd . . . T-Todd and Kevin are on their way to becoming friends . . . like Viki hoped for.” 

“Yes, Sam. Don’t you see? ‘Like Viki hoped for.’ Kevin has been trying to look good in his mother’s eyes. You know how he is about wanting Viki’s love and admiration. It kills him that she loves Todd more than she does him. He also wants to throw suspicion off himself and Téa.” 

“No. No. No, wait a minute. None of this makes sense. Todd asked Andrew to come here yesterday because he thought he and Téa might still have feelings for each other. Téa and Andrew got through to Todd. They helped him to understand that he is the only man Téa ever loved or wanted.” 

“Andrew came here to make things better for Téa?” Blair couldn’t believe this. “What the hell kind of hold does she have on every man in this town!” 

“Andrew came here to make things better for Todd. He had no idea Todd wanted to talk about Téa with him,” Sam explained. 

“Andrew would be the last one to know if Téa was fooling around with Kevin. He didn’t even know when his own wife was fooling around with Kevin. But, Sam, doesn’t this tell you that Todd realized something wasn’t right between him and Téa?” 

Sam thought about it for a moment. He felt confused. “No . . . I don’t know . . . I . . . you know how Todd is. He was testing Téa. He also wanted to protect her and keep her safe. He doesn’t believe she’s safe with him.” Suddenly Sam realized something. “You didn’t tell Todd about those incidences with Téa and Kevin?” 

Blair looked down at the floor. She didn’t answer. 

Sam’s eyes widened with anger. He grabbed Blair by her upper arms. “You didn’t!” 

“Sam, he has a right to know.” 

“What the hell are you thinking! You know it’s almost impossible for him to trust anyone and when he’s finally beginning to you tell him that!” 

“Do you want him to trust someone who’s out to hurt him?” 

“You have no real proof of any of this. Do you realize what you did to him emotionally?” 

“I had no real proof about the Buchanan’s paying Doctor Hanen to torture Todd and now there’s five hundred thousand dollars sitting in her bank account courtesy of Asa Buchanan. I know what I saw Sam and I showed you the pictures to prove it!” 

“I have to get to Todd,” Sam declared. 

“Wait!” Blair pulled on Sam’s arm. “What are you going to tell him . . . that none of this is true? Are you going to leave him in a situation that will cause him pain and suffering again!” 

Sam looked as if Blair had slapped him.  

Blair took her hand away. “Sam, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to make you feel worse about allowing Todd to be tortured when he was a child. I just don’t want to see you make the same mistake again. I know how much you want to make things up to Todd.” 

“I can never make things up to Todd, no matter what I do.” 

Blair took a deep breath. “No, you can’t, but you can keep your promise to keep him safe from now on and to be the father to him that you want to be and the father Todd wants you to be. Sam, Todd seemed very happy at the thought of getting to live with you at the penthouse,” Blair lied. 

“He did?” It was clear Sam didn’t believe this. 

“He did. I’m not saying he isn’t hurt by what Téa and Kevin are doing, but he’ll get over that. He will never get over having the man he thinks of as a father allowing him to get hurt again.” Blair realized she was playing Sam.  

“You didn’t tell him about Susannah?” Sam asked in a trembling voice. 

“No, of course I didn’t. I don’t want him to become terrified while he’s here. I don’t want to destroy what little bit of trust Todd has gained. I hope he never has to find out. All he knows is that you’re going to try to get him out of the hospital and take him to the penthouse. He does know to say that’s what he wants if anyone official asks him.” 

“You told him to say that?” Sam’s voice sounded far away to him. He felt like he was dreaming. 

“It’s what he wants, Sam. He wants us to save him.” 

“This will destroy Viki,” Sam said slowly. 

“No. Viki will understand when she sees how much better Todd does once he’s away from the hospital. When she finds out that her trust in Doctor Hanen was misplaced and almost cost Todd his life, she will be so happy that you saved him. Once Todd is his old self again, Viki will know they were keeping him sick just to torture him.” 

“Viki and I were going to take Todd home with us,” Sam muttered. He wasn’t making eye contact with Blair anymore. It was as if he were talking to himself. “We were going to give him the loving parents and nurturing home he never had. Then he was going to have his own life, with Téa. He was going to get everything back.” 

“He will, Sam. He’ll get his life back. You and Viki can still be loving parents to him. Téa doesn’t deserve a life with him if we are right about her, if we’re wrong, then she will be happy that you saved Todd, too. But I know we’re not wrong. We weren’t wrong about Doctor Hanen and this hospital and we’re not wrong about Téa and Kevin. You’ll see, Sam. This is your chance to save Todd. You can make up for everything that you didn’t do when he was a child. Sam, are you listening to me?” Blair saw that Sam was staring into space. 

“Viki, I have to find Viki and tell her about Susannah.” 

“No! Sam, you can’t do that,” Blair exclaimed. 

“She has to know. Maybe she’ll want to get Todd out of here now and take him back to Llanfair.” 

“No. Viki will confront Doctor Hanen and probably Asa . . . just the way you wanted to. She’s too emotionally attached to Doctor Hanen. She’ll believe anything she tells her and she’ll give them a chance to cover their tracks. Sam, we already decided that it’s best not to let Doctor Hanen and Asa know we’re onto them, remember?” 

Sam nodded. He still wasn’t making eye contact with Blair. “Yes,” he whispered. 

“Promise me you won’t tell anyone what we discussed here. In fact, promise me you won’t even talk to Todd about this unless he brings it up.” 

“I-I-I can’t. I . . . I” 

“Sam, you’re doing this for Todd. Don’t you want to do anything within your power to save him?” 

Sam took a shallow trembling breath. He nodded. “I won’t say anything for now. You tell your lawyer to get some concrete proof that Asa paid Susannah to hurt Todd.” 

“Sam, you know he can’t get proof like that. We know the money is in that account. We have to convince a judge that Doctor Hanen could be hurting Todd. Once they know the law is watching them, I don’t think anyone here will do anything harmful to Todd. It should just be a matter of a few more days. Just a few more days, Sam, and then we can tell Viki and hopefully get Todd the hell out of here.” 

“I’m going to see Todd now,” Sam announced softly. 

Blair gently placed her hand on Sam’s forearm. “You do that. You go be with Todd. He needs you, Sam. He needs you now more than he ever did. I know you won’t fail him this time.” 

Sam headed for the elevator without responding to the last thing Blair said in any way. 

Blair’s eyes followed Sam until he turned the corner. Her heart went out to him. He had looked so much better when he first walked into the hospital lobby and now his shoulders were once again hunched in despair. His face was lined with pain.  

Blair really believed she had changed. She thought she had become a new woman after seeing Todd come so close to dying and learning about what he’d been through in his childhood. Blair hated that she was resorting to lying and preying on Sam’s guilt and depression. I will change. I will, she thought to herself. I’ll be the kind of woman my little girl can emulate and be proud of, once I help her get her daddy back. I’ll become the woman I want to be once I help Todd. I’m doing this for Todd. 

********** 

“Okay, hon, about another ten minutes and you’ll be all done,” Terry said soothingly to Todd as she administered his feeding through his PEG tube.  

Todd had been offered the chance to eat lunch and take his medications by mouth. He refused, but did not put up a fight over the tube feeding or administration of his medications via the tube. He sat in his bed, staring into space. He answered what few questions Terry posed to him with a nod, shrug or shake of his head. He was withdrawn and it seemed his depression had increased again. Terry knew it was common for a patient to have this reaction after a painful disclosure and the kind of intense session Todd had that morning. Still, Terry’s instincts as a nurse told her it was more than that. 

Frank came into the room and walked over to the bed. He saw there was a problem too. “Hey buddy, how you doing?” 

Todd slightly shrugged his shoulders. 

“Sam, is here,” Frank let Todd know. “Do you want to see him now or would you rather wait until after your feeding?” 

“Don’t care,” Todd shrugged again and muttered. 

“You seem sad to me,” Terry said gently. “Are you feeling sad?” 

“Not feeling anything,” Todd mumbled. “Leave me alone.” 

Frank squeezed Todd’s shoulder. “So I’m going to tell Sam it’s all right for him to come in, okay?” 

“Whatever,” Todd replied and sighed deeply. 

Despite his fresh haircut and shave, Sam did not look well. Frank and now Terry didn’t understand what was going on. Sam seemed much better before he left. It was as if something happened to both him and Todd, yet they had not seen or spoken with each other. Andy had been out when Sam left and things were all right between them.  

Sam headed straight for Todd. “Hi pal.” Sam reached out to stroke Todd’s head.  

Todd pulled away. “Bet you hate it,” Todd mumbled. 

“Bet I hate what?” Sam didn’t understand. 

“Being stuck with me. You got a real son out there somewhere. Bet you’d rather be with him.” 

Sam was shocked. “Boomer, I don’t consider myself stuck with you. I love spending time with you.” 

“Don’t call me Boomer . . . and you don’t have to pretend.” 

“I’m not. I’m here because I want to be here. I know where Will is and I can be with him if I want to. I’m here with you because it’s my choice.” 

Todd smirked. “Yeah, I know all about choices. Andrew and Téa explained all about choices to me.” 

Everyone in the room heard the harsh edge to Todd’s tone. Sam was the only one who understood. He knew what Blair had told Todd.  

“There you go . . . all done,” Terry announced as she finished flushing Todd’s PEG tube.  

Todd slunk down in bed. 

“Hon, you can’t lie flat yet,” Terry reminded Todd. “Come on, pull yourself up again.” 

“Jesus! I can’t even get comfortable around here! Can I get out of the damn bed!” 

“Yes, you know you can sit or stand after a feeding. You just can’t lay flat or you . . .” 

“Yeah, yeah, I know! I can choke. What the hell would be so bad about that! It can’t take more than a few minutes before that kills a person.” Todd swung his feet over the side of the bed, away from where Sam stood. “Choice,” Todd mumbled to himself. “Yeah, like I get a choice. You put that goddamn crap into me whether I want it or not. If I tell you I don’t wanna eat, you shove the food into me anyway and if I try to stop you, you’ll hold me down and force it. Some choice!” Todd stood up. “I’m sick of this goddamn place and your goddamn rules and power over me.” Todd spoke loudly now and directed his remarks at Terry and Frank. “You two and everyone else here gets off on it don’t you!” 

“Gets off on what?” Frank asked calmly. 

“Having power over me! Bossing me around. Making me tow the line. I do what you want me to do or else you force me to do it anyway. What fucking choice do I have! I’m sick of all of this and all of you! I’m sick of this therapy shit.” Todd headed for the door. 

“Where are you going?” Terry asked. 

“Away from all of you! Don’t worry. I won’t go near the doors and I won’t touch anything sharp and I won’t hurt myself and I’ll remember to ask permission if I want to use the phone or watch T.V. or listen to the radio and I’ll leave the bathroom door open a crack when I piss or take a shit and I’ll let you pump me full of that feeding crap and whatever drugs you wanna give me and I’ll tell you if I’m hearing voices or if I want to hurt myself or if I feel like I’m gonna have a goddamn seizure. You can give me an A in everything. I’ll be the top ranking psycho in this place.” 

Todd left his room and began to pace up and down the hallways.  

Sam didn’t follow Todd. He lowered himself wearily into a chair in Todd’s room. He knew Todd was acting the way he was because of his talk with Blair. Sam didn’t know what to do. He wanted to let Susannah and the staff know what the problem was so they could help Todd. He knew he couldn’t. If Blair was right about Susannah, that would be the worst thing to do. He hoped he’d get a chance to speak with Todd privately. Sam’s heart raced. It killed him to see Todd suffering like this. A part of Sam wanted to grab Todd and take him out of the hospital right now. Sam tried to force himself to calm down. 

Terry went into Susannah’s office and let her know what was going on. Susannah walked out with her and approached Todd. 

“Hi, Todd,” Susannah began softly. “Can you tell me why you’re pacing?” 

“Isn’t that what animals trapped in a cage do?” Todd snapped. 

“Do you feel trapped right now?” 

“What d’you think!” Todd responded. “I am trapped.” Todd pointed to the doors that led off the unit. “Can I walk through them the way you can or the way any of them can?” Todd waved his hand, encompassing all the staff in the area. 

“Why are you so desperate to leave here right now?” Susannah pressed. 

“I never wanted to be here, remember! It’s not my choice. Nothing in my life is my choice! You all get to do whatever the hell you wanna do but I have to do what you tell me to do. Jump, Todd! Oh how high? Is this high enough? No?” Todd slammed his body against the wall. “How many hours do I have to stand here tonight . . . ten . . . twelve . . . I think the record is nineteen . . . are you gonna make me stand here more than nineteen hours this time?” 

“That’s one of the punishments your father did to you,” Susannah stated. 

“One of the nicer ones. That was when dear old dad was in a good mood. You’re like him. You’re all just like him. I do what you say or I get punished.” 

“How do we punish you?” Susannah asked.  

“You shove drugs into me. If I won’t take them you hold me still or tie me down until I do. You force-feed me, whether I want that shit or not. You keep me a prisoner here. ‘Away from the doors, Todd. You know you’re not supposed to be near the doors,’” Todd mimicked the staff. 

“We keep you safe and healthy because it’s our job and because we care very much about you,” Susannah explained again, calmly. 

“Yeah, well what if I don’t wanna be kept safe and healthy. I’m a human being and I’m over twenty-one. It’s my body. Shouldn’t I have a right to do whatever the hell I want with it? No one tells any of you what to do. If you leave here and you wanna drink or smoke cigarettes or do drugs or eat crap that’ll give you a heart attack or drive at a hundred miles an hour or fuck your brains out with strangers without wearing a rubber you can do it. No one is stopping you. Why don’t I have the same rights! . . . oh yeah . . . I know . . .” Todd continued without giving anyone a chance to answer him. “It’s because I’m a psycho and I have a million people running around in my head and all over the place and I have fits like a mad dog and I’m too crazy to take care of myself. So some fucking judge said Viki and Sam have a right to make decisions for me and they can give you permission to do whatever the hell you want with me.” 

“It is because you might not be able to make the best decisions for yourself right now, yes,” Susannah confirmed. 

Todd looked into Susannah’s eyes. “I hate you!” He looked around at everyone. “I hate all of you. I don’t need any of you. I did just fine before I ever knew any of you and I can do fine without you. Now leave me alone!” Todd went back to pacing. 

Todd was terrified. He didn’t want to leave the hospital and leave everyone he had grown to care about there. His thoughts were organized enough by now for him to realize that he could not control his impulse to hurt himself and lash out at others. He was more cognizant of the time he lost and aware that he was not simply sleeping during this time. He did not want to be out of this protective environment until he was under control. The glimmers of hope he had when he was with Téa made Todd want to get well. Now he believed the chances of recovery along with that hope were gone.  

Unconsciously, Todd was desperately trying to distance himself from Susannah, the rest of the staff, Téa, Viki, Sam and Kevin because he knew he would soon be separated from them. He had no idea that the anger he was feeling stemmed from Susannah, the staff, Viki, Sam, Kevin and Téa not somehow knowing what he and Blair were planning and stopping them. Just the way Todd knew his mother gave up the fight for him, unconsciously, he felt those he loved and wanted to love him were doing the same. Unconsciously too, Todd also felt everyone hated him because they found out what he let his father do to him and what he did to his mother. He still could not accept that it wasn’t his fault.  

Susannah motioned for everyone to hold back and give Todd some space. She wondered if his last session had triggered this. Susannah motioned Frank and Terry over to the nurses’ station. “Was Todd this agitated from the moment he woke up or did something happen after that to trigger this?”  

Frank told her about Blair’s visit. 

“Did they have an argument?” 

“Not as far as I know,” Frank answered. “They were speaking very low. I couldn’t hear most of what they were saying. Blair was partially blocking my view, but Todd didn’t even get out of bed the entire time she was there. He sat up at one point. That was it.” 

“Did Blair mention any problem with Starr that she might have told Todd about?” Susannah probed. 

Frank and Terry exchanged looks and shook their heads. “Not to us,” Terry answered for both of them. 

They all looked up when they heard someone buzzing to be let in. They saw it was Téa. Terry buzzed her in. 

Téa walked to the nurses’ station. 

“How is Carlotta?” Susannah asked. 

“She’s in pain, but she was willing to take the pain meds the doctor prescribed and it’s tolerable. She was less agreeable about the temporary live-in help I got for her. I finally got her to try coping with someone taking care of her for at least a couple of days. She knew I wanted to get back to Todd and she knew the only way I would leave her is if she had someone to take care of her. I think she agreed more for my sake than for hers,” Téa said with obvious love and respect for Carlotta in her voice. “How’s Todd?” 

“Not very good at the moment,” Frank responded. 

Fear replaced the smile on Téa’s face. “What happened?” 

“We don’t know. Right now he’s very agitated and angry. He had a very good, but traumatic session. He’s communicating with Andy and sharing many of Andy’s memories,” Susannah filled Téa in. 

“Oh my God that must be it,” Téa stated. “Andy holds so many painful memories.” 

“We’re not sure. He also had a visit with Blair.” 

“Blair!” Téa exclaimed irately. “What the hell did she do to him now?” 

“Téa calm down,” Susannah instructed. “We don’t know that she did anything. From what we can tell their visit was quiet and uneventful. A while after Blair left, Sam returned and went in to see Todd. Todd seemed angry with Sam from the moment he saw him. He seemed angry with all of us and angry about being here and complained that he had no rights.” 

“Where is he now? Téa asked.  

“He’s pacing up and down the hallway between the dayroom and my office,” Susannah replied. 

“Can I go talk to him?” 

Susannah shrugged. “You can try. I do want you to leave if he becomes even more agitated.” 

Téa nodded. “I will.” Téa was furious. She didn’t know what, but she knew in her heart that Blair had done something to set Todd off.  

***********

SECRETS

PART 125 PAGE 3

Téa slowly approached Todd. “What’s going on?” she asked softly. 

Todd froze for a moment. He turned and glared angrily at her. “I don’t need you here. Why don’t you go back and help Carlotta some more.” Todd’s tone and the smirk on his face clearly indicated that he did not believe that’s where Téa was. 

“I hired someone to stay with Carlotta. This is where I want to be,” Téa proclaimed adamantly. 

“This is not where I want you to be! I’ve told you that a thousand times! What am I going to have to say to get through to you?” 

“Can you tell me what has made you so upset?” 

“I’m not upset. I’m just tired of not having any goddamn rights around here. Jesus! I had more rights in Statesville. I told you and I told them. I don’t want you here and here you are with your questions and that bullshit look of love and concern in your eyes.” 

Todd’s words stung Téa. “I think you know how much I truly love and care about you. What happened to make you doubt that or act like you doubt that? Did Blair say something to you?” 

Todd looked into Téa’s eyes. His stare was intense. “Does Blair know something about you that makes you nervous?” 

Téa’s anger increased. She had no doubt now that Blair said something to Todd that triggered this. She was also angry with Todd for believing anything that Blair had to say about her. Téa moved closer to Todd. She pulled herself to her full height and stared into his eyes just as intensely. “No. There is nothing Blair or anyone knows about me that would make me nervous in any way.”  

“If you say so,” Todd mumbled. He walked away from her and toward the dayroom. 

Téa rushed after him. She grabbed his arm. “Don’t walk away from me.” 

Todd looked at her and then called out to Susannah. “Hey, I think you have another candidate for therapy here. You see Téa can’t stand to have anyone walk away from here because that’s what Mama Delgado did to her.” 

Anger emanated from Téa’s being. “No Todd. I don’t give a damn if some people walk away from me. I do when you do it.” 

“And why is that, because I’m so sweet and cuddly to be around? Oh no . . . wait . . . let me guess . . . it’s because of what a great lover I am. You just burn with passion every time you’re around me.” 

“No.” Téa said firmly. “You’re as cuddly as a cactus and usually as sweet as a lemon.” Her voice turned softer. “But you do make me burn with passion, Todd.” 

Todd’s face filled with fury. “Don’t mock me.” 

Téa looked into his eyes. “I’m not. Even after all this time and everything we’ve been though together, don’t you even have a clue what you do to me . . . what no man I’ve ever been with has ever been able to do to me. You excite me. You make me feel like I’m out of control. So much so that I’m frightened of what I’m feeling because it’s so intense. You make my body feel things with just a look that other men couldn’t make me feel with everything they had.” 

Téa’s words stunned Todd. Not only because he didn’t know she felt that way and he wasn’t sure if he could believe that she really did, but also because they so mimicked his feelings. Being around Téa made Todd feel things he never felt before, things that terrified him. Todd’s body responded to Téa in ways he didn’t want it to. His fear of hurting her increased tenfold when he often felt himself become aroused just being near her.  

Todd remembered how he warmed Téa’s hands in his as they stood in that room at The Bayberry Inn. He’d never experienced these kinds of feelings before. Sex with every other woman Todd had been with had been about power and control. Todd wanted to feel either powerful and in control, like with girls in college that he had been able to be sexual with or he felt like he had no power at all and was willingly letting himself be used, like with Blair. With Téa it was different. He never felt the need for power when he was with her and while he still had some control and jealousy issues, even with Téa, for the most part the last thing he wanted was for Téa to be under his control. To Todd it would have been like crushing the spirit of a wild bird. He loved to watch Téa spread her wings and soar.  

Todd’s fear was that despite all of this, he would not be able to control the monsters and demons that he felt deep inside him. He was terrified of losing control and hurting Téa. He could not believe that the sexual arousal he was feeling would not turn into violence and a need for power, everything that Peter Manning taught Todd that sex was all about. Todd never felt submissive around Téa, so he reasoned that it had to go the other way. He believed that his desire would turn to something vile and dangerous. Todd remembered the session he had with Dave. He wanted to believe what Dave told him was true. Todd’s fear overpowered that. He believed that what was true for ‘regular human beings’ was not true for him. 

Like it had at that room at The Bayberry Inn, the passion Téa stirred in Todd made him want to run, as far away from her as he could. The problem was he could never get far. His need for her in his life . . . for her mind . . . her humor . . . the way she got him like no one else ever had . . . the way she made him feel safe . . . ‘like being in this big Delgado cocoon,’ Todd would think to himself . . . the way she made him feel like anything was possible, even becoming the person he wanted to be, all kept Todd from running too far. Todd desperately wanted to let Téa in, but he could only allow her in so far and then his fear would cause him to shut the door again. 

Now he knew he had to run. Even if what Blair told him wasn’t true, Todd reasoned it should be. Téa deserved a life with someone normal and safe, even if that someone were Kevin.  

Todd took a step back from Téa. “What about fear? I make you feel that too, don’t I? How about disgust? Oh let’s not forget pity. Saint Téa, standing by her poor psycho husband. Maybe your grandmother can have a Saint Téa statue made in your honor or they can erect one to you in front of City Hall.” 

“You’re not going to drive me away,” Téa stated calmly and firmly. “If you want to put up wall after wall between us, fine. I’ll still be here when you’re ready to take the wall down. I can tell you one thing right now pal. You won’t get rid of me. No matter what you say or do, it won’t work. I’ve told you that, showed you that, and proven to you over and over again that I want to be here. I’ve also told you that if you need me to say it and prove it hundreds of times over I will.” 

“Why? You one of those martyrs? That’s a way to get to be a saint too, isn’t it? Oh I get it? Yeah. Stupid me.” 

Téa stared into Todd’s eyes. “Get what?” 

“Why Andrew couldn’t be your choice. He’s too good. You wouldn’t be able to get off on being a saint and a martyr if you were with Andrew. No, maybe that’s why you’d go for someone who treated you like dirt.” 

Téa didn’t understand. “What are you talking about now?” 

Todd and Téa heard the buzzer to the unit. Todd stepped away and looked toward the doors. His heart was pounding. He thought Blair might have found a way to get him out of the hospital right away. He wasn’t ready. Todd saw it was Rachel. 

Susannah forgot that she told Rachel to stop by. She had some books on working with autistic children that she wanted to give her. Susannah was about to step out into the hallway and tell Rachel that this wasn’t a good time to be on the unit when Todd walked to where they could see him and waved Rachel in. He then headed back to where Téa stood. 

Rachel exchanged looks with her aunt. “That looks like Todd. Is he the one who’s out?” Rachel whispered. 

“Yes,” Susannah replied. 

“Why does he want to see me?” Rachel asked under her breath. 

“I don’t know,” Susannah answered. “Todd has been very angry for a while now. Rachel, you don’t have to do this. I’ll tell him this is not a good time for him to visit with you.” 

Rachel thought for a second. “No. I’ll talk to him. I owe him.” Rachel wondered if Todd wanted to confront her. She had not spoken with him since the night he got her to confess she killed Georgie. Rachel could not get over the amazing difference. She knew immediately that this was Todd and not Timmy, Adam or anyone other than Todd. 

“Do you want me or one of the techs to be near you?” Susannah offered. 

Rachel saw Téa there. “No. I’ll be okay.” Rachel walked to where Todd and Téa stood. She could see for herself that he seemed angry. Rachel squeezed Téa’s hand. “Hi, girlfriend.” She turned to Todd. “How are you, Todd?” 

Todd smiled a smile that always made Rachel’s skin crawl. “Peachy keen, and how are you?” 

“I’m all right.” Rachel looked into Todd’s eyes and looked away. She felt uncomfortable. She couldn’t hold back. “I-I’m sorr, Todd. I’m sorry I didn’t speak up. I’m sorry I almost let you go to prison for what I did.” 

Todd stared at Rachel. It was almost as if he had no idea what she was talking about and then suddenly remembered. He looked frightened and quickly said, “Yeah, I understand why you didn’t want to go there. Prison sucks. I don’t want to talk about that.” Todd paused for a moment, collected himself, and then continued on his mission. “You here to compare notes with Téa?” Todd asked Rachel. 

“What?” Rachel was bewildered. 

“Let’s see . . . now what is it that you both have in common . . . well, you were roommates . . . nah that’s not it . . . you both like to sing the ‘Todd the Loser’ song . . . nah that’s not it either, besides, the third member of your trio isn’t here . . . I know!” Todd slapped his palm against his forehead. “You’ve both fucked Kevin Buchanan.”  

“Wha . . .” Rachel had a look of disgust on her face. 

Todd moved closer to Rachel. 

“Hey, it’s okay. Kevie and I are family. Heck, we’re almost brothers, just like Wally and the Beav. You and Téa can talk about Kevin here . . . compare those little things he does that make you both go weak in the knees. Hey, maybe Kevin is into two chicks at once. I’ll have to ask him. Just think how great that can be. You can both do Kevie and then go shopping together or do some other girly crap.” 

“You are . . .” Rachel caught herself before she said more. 

“Go ahead! Say whatever you were gonna say. Maybe this time you can get through to your girlfriend here. You tried to talk her out of marrying me. You didn’t do a good enough job. You have lousy powers of persuasion, Gannon. I can see why you couldn’t cut it in law school.” 

“Todd, stop it,” Téa spoke up. “Whatever is making you so angry has nothing to do with Rachel. Don’t take it out on her.” 

Todd ignored Téa. He moved in toward Rachel. “Rach, if I were you,” he whispered. “I’d keep a close eye on Kevie.” 

Rachel remembered the digs Blair made the other night. She glanced in Téa’s direction. Téa gave no indication that she felt guilty or even knew what Todd was referring to. Rachel tried to keep calm and not let Todd get to her. She knew he was ill, but Damn, she thought. He still gets to me the way he always did. I don’t know how Téa is able to love him the way she does. Rachel was able to totally separate the affection she had for Adam, Timmy and the baby from her feelings of immense dislike for Todd. 

“Why don’t you just let me worry about Kevin,” Rachel said to Todd. 

Todd shrugged. “Suit yourself.” He faced Téa again. “Now that your good friend is here . . .” Todd said the words ‘good friend’ as if that were the farthest thing from the truth . . . “why don’t you do something with her and leave me the hell alone.” 

“Rachel,” Téa began. “Will you please excuse us? Todd and I need to finish talking.” 

“Of course,” Rachel immediately agreed. She turned to Susannah. “I’ll come back for those books some other time.” 

“I think that would be best,” Susannah concurred. 

Todd applauded. “Wow, and here I thought Téa was just trying to be the boss of me. Now I see that she’s in charge of you and everyone else. Way to go Delgado. Looks like everyone is paying attention to the janitor’s daughter.”  

Todd desperately wanted to get Téa angry enough so she’d leave him, no matter what her promises were. Now that he knew he might have the chance, he didn’t believe he’d have the strength to leave her when the time came. It wasn’t even what Blair said that made Todd so determined. In his heart, the trust Téa was able to instill in him kept him from truly believing Blair. It was what Bitsy and Saber said to him and his own ominous feelings that preyed on his mind. He was sure that the unseen danger lurking everywhere was getting closer and closer to those he loved, especially Téa. Todd was willing to do or say whatever it took to drive her away. 

Rachel ignored Todd’s last remark. “Todd, I’m happy that you seem to be feeling stronger,” she said honestly. Addressing Téa, Rachel added, “I’ll call you.” 

“You do that, Rachel,” Todd called after her, “if you can tear yourself away from Kevin’s sexual prowess. It’s a good thing for both of you that Kevie seems to have a thing for dark meat.” 

Rachel halted for a moment. Then she continued on to the doors that led off the unit without another word to anyone. 

Téa faced Todd. 

He smiled that smile she knew so well. It was the one Todd always smiled when he knew he had acted in a completely unacceptable manner just to push someone’s buttons. 

“That was charming,” Téa remarked.  

“Wasn’t it,” Todd said sweetly. “I think when we have that dream life you’re always talking about we should definitely invite Rachel and Kevin over. In fact, we should invite Andrew and Cassie at the same time. Once I leave the room, just think of all the possibilities. It boggles the mind, even a crazy mind like mine.” 

Téa moved closer until she was only a few inches away from Todd. “Why are you acting so obnoxious, even by your standards?” 

“What’s a matter, Téa, did you forget what the real me is like? They’ve been doing something to me all this time with their drugs to make it seem like I was this helpless lunatic and that I had all these nice sides. This is the real me! This is the me you’re gonna get for the rest of your life so you’d better get used to it.” 

Téa looked into Todd’s eyes. She saw pain so deep it seemed like a bottomless well. “This isn’t the real you and you know it. This is the you that feels frightened and vulnerable and goes into a full-fledged assault to protect yourself. This is the you that wants to show everyone the worst you have to offer and dare them to still love you and stay with you. The question is why. Why are you feeling that way now? Did something happen today?” 

Todd stared back into Téa’s eyes. They drew him in the way they always did. They sent out waves of love. They made Todd feel like everything could be all right and safe. Téa’s eyes made him want to hold on to her and never let her go. He quickly turned his back to her. 

“Todd,” Téa said softly. “If you can’t talk to me about what you’re feeling, will you tell Doctor Hanen or Frank or someone?” 

“I’m not feeling anything,” Todd lied. 

“I think you are,” Téa contradicted him. She rested her hand on his shoulder. She felt Todd’s body tremble. “Querido, what is it? I promise that nothing you tell me will make me stop loving you or leave you.” 

Todd took a deep breath. He gathered all his strength and faced Téa again. “That’s just it! I don’t know what to say any more to get rid of you. I’ve tried everything I know and you’re like having gum stuck to my shoe! How the fuck do I scrape you off! You wanna know what has me so upset today. I did what I’m supposed to do. I examined my feelings.” The way Todd said the word feelings was dripping with sarcasm. “What I realized was that I don’t love you. I needed you. That’s not the same as love. I don’t wanna hurt you, De . . . Téa! I tried to love you. I tried getting rid of you nicely. It didn’t work. I don’t wanna have to spend the rest of my life with someone I don’t love.”  

Téa felt hot tears sting her eyes and spill down her cheeks.  

“Look,” Todd continued. “I was trying to avoid all this, the tears and all that shit. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to hurt you, but you just won’t let go.” 

What frightened Téa was that Todd sounded so calm and rational. She couldn’t feel how hard his heart was pounding as he continued to lie to the woman he loved with all his heart and soul. “Todd, I know something happened today to make you feel that you need to push me away again. I won’t let you do that. I love you and I know that you love me.” 

Todd averted Téa’s eyes. “Man, you are a martyr. You really get off on being hurt don’t you? All right! You wanna know what happened today. I’ll tell you.” Todd took a deep breath and then began to speak quickly, barely pausing to take a breath. “You were right. It does have something to do with Blair. It has everything to do with Blair. She came here and we talked about stuff. We realized that we never stopped loving each other. That’s what has me so upset. I didn’t know how to tell you. If I ever leave this loony bin it’s Blair I wanna go home to and Blair I wanna spend the rest of my life with. We’re getting back together. I didn’t want to have to tell you this, at least right now. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. You were there when I needed you and I appreciate that. I’ll always be grateful for everything you did for me and for Shorty.” 

Susannah and the staff close enough to hear were as shocked as Téa. Not only by what Todd said, but because his demeanor remained the same, calm and rational, his facial expression sincere.  

“You want to get back together with Blair?” Téa’s tone was disbelieving. 

“Yes,” Todd said softly. “I realized today that I never stopped loving her.” Todd swallowed hard. He used every bit of strength he had to hold himself together and get the words out. “She’s the only woman I ever really loved. I want a divorce. You can draw up the papers and give yourself any kind of settlement you want. I won’t fight it and I’ll make sure to tell Viki and Sam not to fight it. If you want the penthouse, Blair, Starr and I can find somewhere else to live. So you don’t have to worry, even if you use up that five million, you’ll still be a rich woman.” 

“You think I want more of your money?” Téa asked in a voice that trembled with pain and fury. 

“I think you’re entitled to a lot of it after everything you’ve done for me. Think of it as a bonus.” 

“A bonus,” Téa repeated.  

Todd glanced into Téa’s eyes. He saw the pain he’d just caused. He had to force himself not to pull her to him, hug her and never let go. He quickly looked away again. Todd knew he succeeded this time. He had to push forward. “Yeah, you know, for a job well done. You’ve helped me in a lot of ways. I think Blair will be grateful to you, too. I’ll be a better husband to her.” 

Téa trembled. “You want a divorce. YOU’VE GOT ONE! You can take your settlement and your bonus and shove it! You can go back to Blair and be her bundle of fear and rage. Let her deal with you. You don’t have to worry about having me stuck to the bottom of your shoe, Todd. I’M UNSTUCK! FOREVER!” 

“Téa,” Susannah walked over and spoke softly. “This might not be the best time for you to respond to this.” Susannah placed her hand on Téa’s forearm. “Will you go to my office and we can talk . . .” 

“I don’t need to go to your office,” Téa cut Susannah off. She pulled away from her. “What I need is to get the hell out of here. What I need is to forget about this place and everyone and everything in it!” 

Todd’s hands were clenched into tight fists. He didn’t know how much longer he could hold it together. “So I can tell Blair that you’ll give me my freedom?” Todd deliberately added. 

Téa got right into Todd’s face. “Yes you can tell Blair that you have your freedom. You can tell Blair that I don’t give a shit what happens to either one of you. You can both go to hell for all I care! I hope I never have to lay eyes on you or the love of your life again!” Téa pushed past Susannah as she rushed to the doors that led off the unit.  

Nancy, who had been able to hear bits and pieces of what had happened from her post at the nurses station looked to Susannah for instruction.  

Susannah nodded. She had no choice but to let Téa go. She would call her as soon as Téa had a chance to calm down and regroup. For now, Susannah knew she needed to stay with Todd; he was not going to be in good shape.  

“Todd, I’d like you to come to my office with me,” Susannah gently requested. 

“I don’t feel good. Can I go to my room for a while?” Todd asked weakly. 

“Yes. I want Frank inside your room with you though. He won’t bother you. He’ll just sit there quietly.”  

Todd nodded. “I don’t care. I just want to go to my room.” Todd suddenly remembered. “If Sam is still in there, will you tell him to leave? I don’t wanna talk to Sam right now.” 

Susannah turned to Terry. “Please ask Sam to go to the dayroom. Tell him I want to speak with him.” 

********** 

As soon as the buzzer sounded, Téa pushed the doors open with all her might and rushed down the hall. 

Just as Téa rounded the corner to the elevator bank, Viki came walking toward her. She immediately saw something terrible had happened. 

Téa tried to rush past Viki.  

“Téa, my God, what happened? Please. Tell me. Is it Todd? Did something happen to Todd?” 

“YES IT’S TODD!” Téa screamed at her. In a lower voice she added, “He’s your problem now Viki. Yours, Sam’s, Kevin’s and Blair’s, especially Blair’s, and she’s welcome to him!” 

Viki took Téa’s hand “Honey, what happened? Is Blair here? Did the two of you have a fight?” 

Téa pulled away. She saw the elevator had come. “Hold the door,” she called to the two people already in the elevator.  

“Téa, tell me what happened,” Viki pleaded. 

“Ask your brother!” Téa called to Viki.  

Viki rushed to Todd’s unit. 

**********

Sam seemed lost in thought when Terry walked into Todd’s room. He didn’t protest when Terry told him Todd wanted to be alone. He simply stood up and followed Terry to the dayroom. Sam had been vaguely aware of raised voices several minutes ago. He was too lost in his own confusion to grasp that there was a problem with Todd.  

“Are you all right?” Terry asked Sam in a worried tone. 

Sam nodded. “Yeah.” 

Terry didn’t think so. She wondered if what was going on with Sam related to what was going on with Todd. “Can I get you anything?” Terry offered. 

“No. No thank you. I’m okay,” Sam said in a disconnected tone. He went to stare out the window. 

******** 

Frank sat by the small table in Todd’s room. Todd sat on his bed for only a few seconds when, like Sam, he went to stare out of his window. Like the one in the dayroom, it faced the street where the main entrance to the hospital was located. Todd approached the window cautiously. He wanted the solace staring out the window could once give him. He feared he would suffer what Susannah referred to as depersonalization and derealization. Todd desperately did not want those feelings to come back, especially right now. He was thankful that everything looked normal for now. 

********** 

Viki rushed over to the nurses station the second she was buzzed onto the unit when she saw Susannah sitting there and writing in Todd’s chart. 

“Susannah, what happened? I just saw Téa near the elevator. She was terribly upset and angry. She acted as if she were washing her hands of Todd.” 

Susannah closed the chart and handed it to Nancy. “Viki, let’s go to my office and talk.” 

“Where’s Todd?” Viki asked anxiously. 

“He’s resting in his room. He wants to be alone. Frank is with him. I don’t think he can handle being with family right now.” 

Viki’s lips trembled as she followed Susannah to her office. Dear Lord, what now? Viki thought to herself as she walked down the hallway. 

*********** 

Téa could hardly see past her fury and tears by the time the elevator stopped at the lobby. Curious eyes stared at her as she ran to the doors that led to the street.  

“Hey,” Kevin blocked Téa’s way by placing his hands on her upper arms. Téa had not even seen Kevin out on the street as he walked toward the hospital entrance. He had arranged to meet with Rachel and take her to lunch after her meeting with Susannah. Kevin then planned to see if he could visit with Todd for a while and spend some time with his mother, too. 

“Let go!” Téa cried out. 

“No.” Kevin held Téa tightly. “Tell me what happened. Did something happen to Todd?” 

“No! Something happened to me! I realized what an idiot I am. I realized that I just wasted two years of my life.” 

“What the hell happened?” Kevin asked again. 

“Ask Todd! Ask Blair! Leave me alone. I want you and your whole damn family to just leave me alone!” 

“Blair? Did she do something to hurt you or hurt Todd?” 

Téa didn’t answer. She was standing there trembling. Tears poured down her cheeks. She gasped as she tried to catch her breath.  

“Téa please, let’s go inside and sit down,” Kevin said as calmly as he could. He was scared out of his mind.  

“No. I just want to get away from here.” Téa looked up and down the street. “Oh, God. I forgot where I parked my car.” 

Kevin tightened his grip on her arms. “I’m not letting you drive in this condition.” 

“Who the fuck do you think you are to let me do or not do anything! I’m through with all of you. Let go!” 

“No!” Kevin said firmly. “You can either come back inside with me and tell me what happened or we can go sit in my car and you can tell me in private.” 

Téa struggled to free herself. 

“For God’s sake Téa, please, what happened? You’re acting like someone or something just ripped your heart out.” 

Téa felt weak. She stopped struggling. 

Kevin pulled her into hug. He could tell she was in agony. “Téa, what is it? Did Todd or one of his alters hurt you? Did something happen with one of the children?” 

A loud sob escaped from Téa’s throat. “Oh my God, Kevin, I love him so much. How am I going to stop loving him? How am I going to spend the rest of my life without him?” 

Kevin held Téa tightly. He knew something terrible must have happened. “Shhh, okay. Shhhh. It’ll be all right. Téa, I promise. It’ll be all right. Shhhhh.” Kevin kissed the top of her head. “Whatever it is, I’ll help you get through it. We all will. We’re your family. Shhhhh.” 

Téa cried in Kevin’s arms for several minutes. She couldn’t speak.  

Kevin stroked her head and gave her silent comfort.  

Finally Téa’s sobs eased. She was too worn and too angry to cry anymore.  

Kevin stroked Téa’s head again. “You okay?” 

Téa laughed at the irony of Kevin’s question. “Why wouldn’t I be okay, the most important part of my life has just been taken away from me. I’ve been played for a fool and my heart is broken. Are those any reasons not to be okay?” 

Kevin pulled out his handkerchief and handed it to Téa. “Yeah, they sound like some good reasons not to be okay to me. Want to go to my car to talk?” 

Téa nodded. “Can we drive away from here? I really don’t want to be near this hospital right now.” 

“Sure, whatever you want,” Kevin agreed. 

Kevin put his arm around Téa’s waist and guided her to his car, parked just a few car lengths form where they stood. 

Neither Téa nor Kevin was aware of Todd and Sam watching them from the windows where they stood. 

*********

“So you think Todd staged this whole thing to drive Téa away because of the terror he has of hurting her?” Viki asked after Susannah had filled her in on everything that had occurred since she left. 

“Yes,” Susannah confirmed. “It was an unfortunate series of events. Todd’s memories seem very real to him like they are happening right at that moment. Reality goes in and out for him when that happens. He is traumatized by regaining many of Pete and Andy’s memories. He’s having a very difficult time believing that nothing that happened was his fault. He understands it intellectually, but the feelings of guilt are still very strong. Even when he is able to accept that he was powerless to stop anything that happened, he feels guilty for that. He feels he’s to blame because he was powerless and he should have been stronger. He’s just as afraid of himself and what he could do when he has power over someone, like he did with Marty and Carol. Todd has placed himself in a no-win situation. We have to work with him to change that mind set. The wounds the original trauma caused never healed and now they are torn completely open again. Hopefully this time we can help them heal properly and fully.” 

Viki remembered all too well what that felt like to have those old wounds opened up again by recovered memories. She remembered that as much as she desperately wanted Clint and her children and friends to be there for her, she also felt a need to push everyone away. She felt dirty and vile and not good enough to be around those she loved. “I’m afraid Téa believes that Todd really wants to get back with Blair. Other than the time when Todd nearly died, I’ve never seen her so upset. Todd has crushed her.” 

Susannah sighed. “I think when Téa has a chance to calm down, she will realize that Todd didn’t mean a word he said or at least she’ll have some doubts about it and confront him again. Right now she is reacting purely on an emotional level. Téa has always had some insecurity about Blair. Todd knows this.” Susannah laughed sadly. “Sometimes Todd is too smart for his own good. He tried every other way he could think of to get Téa to leave him. She didn’t. This time he used the one thing he knew Téa might believe. He knew her vulnerabilities and pounced on them.” 

Viki nodded. “Todd has always been good at zeroing in someone’s weakness and using it. He learned to do that from the best . . . Peter Manning. He knew it would work because Blair visited him today.”  

“Yes, exactly,” Susannah agreed. “The timing of Blair’s visit was unfortunate. It came when Todd was desperate to get Téa to leave him.” 

“You don’t think Todd actually told Blair he wanted to get back together with her?” 

“If you’re asking me if I think Todd is still in love with Blair, no I don’t. I think Todd will always have some love and affection for Blair. Todd does not stop loving those he once loved. But the form of that love changes. I do think that Todd is not afraid of hurting Blair or using her and that if he were out on his own, he very well might go back to Blair to save Téa. Todd’s thought processes are altered by his illness and by his fear for those he loves. In his mind that might be the right thing to do.” 

Viki shook her head. “Thank God Todd is not out there on his own at this time. I pray that by the time he is ready to be discharged he will not be afraid of himself and realize that he will not hurt those he loves. I also hope Todd will have learned to stop shooting himself in the foot and sabotaging every chance for happiness he ever gets.” 

Susannah smiled. “Those are some of the goals of therapy. Todd needs to be free from dangerous behaviors before he can be discharged. The things you’re talking about are much more complex and Todd might not be free of those when he is discharged. Hopefully, through continued therapy, he will be free of those behaviors too someday.” 

“Susannah, do you think I should find Téa and talk to her?” Viki asked. 

“Not right now. I think Téa needs some time to calm down.” 

Viki shook her head again. “I’m sorry. I care about Blair and I know she’s Starr’s mother, but sometimes I just wish she would stay away from Todd. She has caused him so much pain over the years. Do you think she could have said something to trigger this even more than the therapy session did?” 

Susannah shrugged. “It’s possible. Frank did say Blair seemed upset when she left. It might even be possible that Todd brought this up and that’s why Blair was upset.” 

Viki nervously played with a bracelet she was wearing. “You don’t think Téa will go out and do something foolish, like start divorce proceedings?” 

“I hope not. I honestly don’t think so. Todd caught her off guard. I think once Téa calms down she will begin to question this and not accept it so easily.” 

“I pray you’re right,” Viki stated. “If Todd loses Téa, he’ll never get over it.” 

Susannah noticed the depth of sadness in Viki’s eyes. “You’re afraid of losing Téa in your life too, aren’t you?” 

Tears welled in Viki’s eyes and spilled down her cheeks. She nodded. “I love Téa like a daughter. No, I don’t want to lose her either.” 

********** 

“Oh my God, Blair is right,” Sam said out loud as he watched Téa and Kevin through the window. Anger quickly replaced everything else Sam was feeling. He rushed out of the dayroom and shouted to Nancy to let him out of the unit. When the elevator didn’t come quickly enough, Sam ran down the stairs in his rush to confront Téa and Kevin. “You’re not going to do this to Todd,” Sam vowed furiously on the way down. 

By the time Sam got to the street, Kevin had already pulled out of his parking spot and driven away. 

“DAMN!” Sam shouted. His legs felt weak as the impact of running down seven flights of stairs and everything he’d been through that day hit him. Sam dragged himself to one of the benches in front of the hospital and sat down with a thud. He looked up to the heavens. “Please help me know what to do. Please! Oh God, help me do the right thing.” With his elbows resting on his knees, Sam lowered his face to his hands and wept. 

********** 

“Man! Todd told you that, and he spoke to Rachel that way?” Kevin couldn’t believe it when Téa told him what had transpired. 

Téa began to calm down. “He had a very traumatic session today. Andy’s memories came back to him.” 

“Yeah well . . .” Kevin was about to say ‘too bad’ as some of his old negative feelings for Todd started to surface. Then he thought about what it was Todd had remembered. “Oh God, I don’t know what to think.” Kevin looked into Téa’s pain filled brown eyes. “One thing I know for sure. You can’t take Todd’s word on what he told you today.” 

“You think he was making the whole thing up?” Téa asked with a minuscule amount of hope in her voice.

“What do you think? Blair comes to visit and she and Todd suddenly hash out old times? If Todd made any kind of promises to Blair, I would bet that she manipulated him into it. But honestly, I don’t think it even came to that . . . yes, I think there is a very good chance that Todd made it up. You know how he gets when he remembers things. He starts to feel dirty and unworthy of anyone’s love, least of all yours. He becomes terrified for you. Look how long it took him to stop being afraid of touching people and to allow them to touch him. He gets these ideas stuck in his mind and can’t get rid of them or it takes him a lot of time to.” 

Téa thought about what Kevin just said. She realized it was all true. “Oh God, I don’t know what to think. I want to believe that this was Todd’s ultimate way of getting me out of his life and that I played right into it, but . . . but . . .” Téa started to cry softly. 

“But you’re afraid of feeling like a fool. God, you and Todd are so much alike. I suppose it all goes back to having loved someone and thinking they loved you and then having them walk out on you. You’re afraid that if what Todd said is true, and he does still love and want Blair, and you continue to love him and try to stay in his life that you will feel like a fool.” 

Téa nodded as more tears fell. 

“I know how much that can hurt and I know it’s easy for me to say this, but Téa, so what? So you feel like a fool. Will that kill you? Will that take anything away from you other than some pride? Todd might be too ill to realize that now. I hope someday he’ll know that it’s better to feel like a fool and go for it than to spend your life knowing you didn’t take a chance and fight with everything you’ve got for something that is so good and so special.” 

“I think Blair might have said something to Todd about those insane suspicions she has about you and me,” Téa guessed. “So many of the digs he made to both Rachel and me point to that.” 

“Sometimes I could strangle Blair with my bare hands. I swear!” Kevin proclaimed. “She was at Club Indigo the other night and I was there with Rachel. She made some kind of dig that night, too. Téa, the more I hear about this the more I’m sure Blair is behind this whole thing. Please don’t do anything until you’ve had a chance to really calm down and Todd has had a chance to get over whatever is going on with him today.” 

“Do you think I should confront Blair?” Téa asked. 

“No. Not only will you be very unlikely to get a straight answer, but it may make her more determined than ever to cause trouble. Wait until you’ve had another chance to talk to Todd or until Susannah has. It could be that one of the alters knows what’s going on with him.” 

Téa realized Kevin was right. “I won’t do anything for a few days at least. I’ll call Doctor Hanen tomorrow and find out if she discovered anything and if she thinks I should try to talk to Todd again. I will tell you one thing, if it turns out this truly is what Todd wants, I won’t pull anything or fight. Sick or not sick, I will never again stand for a man looking over my shoulder at someone else. If I have learned anything from Todd, it’s what it feels like to really be loved.” Téa’s eyes filled with tears again. “Maybe I didn’t really learn that after all . . . no damn it! . . . I did. My God, I did. That can’t be faked, even by a master manipulator like Todd. I’ve learned enough about myself in the past two years and in some of the sessions I had with Doctor Hanen to know when love is real and to know that real love is what I deserve. I wouldn’t ask Todd to give me something I know he is not able to give, but I know he can give love. I don’t care what he said today. Todd loves me. I know that. I really do.” Téa looked at Kevin. “You think I’m only believing what I want to believe, don’t you?” 

Kevin smiled sadly. “No. I think that you haven’t had the real thing enough times to know when you do. I also know what I’ve seen with my own eyes and what everyone has seen. Todd loves you. I’ve seen Todd with Blair and I’ve seen Todd with you. My money is on you, kid.” 

Téa stared off into space for a few moments. When she spoke her strength and dignity shone through. “I will never settle for Todd trying to love me. He loves either me or Blair, I will never again stand for Blair or any other woman getting to him in that way, while we are together.” 

Kevin smiled. “You seem to be feeling better.” 

“I am. I think I can drive back to my room now.” Téa kissed Kevin on the cheek. “Thank you.” 

Kevin laughed. “Better watch it. Blair might have installed a hidden camera in the glove compartment.” 

Téa smiled. “That wouldn’t surprise me.” She got out of Kevin’s car and headed for her own. 

*********** 

“Wait here,” Susannah called out to Viki as she heard a code being called.  

Viki wasn’t sure what was going on. The hospital had a newly installed bell code system. Also, staff on all the psychiatric units now wore panic buttons around their necks, on breakaway chains, instead of having only the ones on the walls to use. This way they always had immediate access to a panic button, no matter where in the room they were or if they slipped, fell or were pushed to the floor during an incident. 

Staff from other units and security was already rushing to Todd’s room as Susannah made her way there too. Nancy was tending to Angelo and Eileen in the lounge near Todd’s room. Angelo’s right eye was swollen shut and already turning colors. Eileen had a deep gash above her left eyebrow. Todd’s screams could be heard throughout the unit.  

“Any LOC for either of them?” Susannah called out. 

“Angelo lost consciousness for a few seconds after Todd hit him. Eileen’s going to need stitches,” Nancy responded quickly. 

“Get transport up here with two wheelchairs and have them both taken to the ER.” Susannah pointed to the injured tech and nurse. “And you go with them.” 

Angelo started to protest when a wave of dizziness hit him and getting checked out at the ER didn’t seem like such a waste anymore. 

Susannah rushed into Todd’s room. There was a long crack in the window’s shatterproof glass. Both chairs and the small table had been overturned along with one of the night tables. The edge of the chair that hit Eileen, after Todd threw it, was stained with her blood. The mattress had been pushed off the bed. Todd’s right hand was bruised from punching Angelo.  

“TÉA! TÉAAAAAAAA!” Todd screamed over and over again. Growl like sounds came from the depths of Todd’s soul.  

Fourteen nurses and techs from Todd’s unit and units nearby were restraining him on the floor. Todd was exhibiting almost superhuman strength as adrenaline surged through his bloodstream. He was fighting their hold with everything he had. Strain showed on the faces of every staff member involved in the restraint. 

Susannah knew Todd was way beyond any de-escalation techniques. He was out of control and a danger to himself and everyone around him. “Five milligrams Haldol, two milligrams Ativan, IM, stat,” Susannah ordered. Janet rushed to get the medication. 

Viki heard Todd’s screams as she waited in Susannah’s office. She couldn’t take it anymore. She too rushed to Todd’s room. She was shocked to see security guards blocking the entrance. It had been a very long time since security needed to be called in addition to staff from nearby units. In fact, it had been awhile since it had even been necessary to call a code on Todd. Viki was terrified.  

Janet rushed back with a filled syringe.  

It wasn’t easy, even with that much staff, to roll Todd for the injection. Finally they got him into position and Janet quickly injected him. 

“Get the bed ready,” Susannah told Janet. 

Janet rushed to get the crisis bag and set Todd’s bed up with restraints. 

Todd was still struggling, only not as vehemently thanks to the medication beginning to kick in, when he was transported to his bed and placed in restraints. When after twenty minutes he was still struggling and screaming Téa’s name, Susannah ordered another two milligrams of Ativan. Finally Todd began to get some relief. His screams turned to cries and then to whimpers. He stopped struggling and fell asleep.  

Susannah ordered a portable X-ray sent up to check out Todd’s hand. She was sure it was only bruised, but she wasn’t taking any chances. She told everyone there would be a critical incident debriefing in the dayroom in fifteen minutes. Then she went to see Viki. 

********* 

Susannah found a very distraught Viki sitting in the lounge near Todd’s room. Viki was visibly trembling. 

“He’s all right. He’s asleep. He should be out for several hours. He needed two shots,” Susannah informed Viki. 

“I haven’t seen him that bad in a long time.” Viki’s voice broke with emotion as she spoke. 

Susannah put her arm around Viki. “I know it is very frightening to see Todd so out of control. I’m not that surprised that he had an episode like this after all he’s been through the past few days. He’s being flooded with memories. However, I was surprised by the force of this episode. Obviously something about what happened with Téa triggered it. Frank said Todd was standing quietly by the window when he started screaming Téa’s name. He backed up and kicked the glass with all his might. He then threw a chair and overturned the table. Frank said he was beyond being able to hear anyone reason with him. Additional staff came in immediately. Frank, Jeff and Angelo tried to get Todd into a hold. That’s when he lashed out and punched Angelo in the eye hard enough for Angelo to lose consciousness for a few seconds and for Todd to injure his hand. At that point the code was called. Before more staff got there, Todd threw the other chair across the room and it hit Eileen. She has a gash above her eyebrow that requires stitches. Angelo and Eileen were taken to the ER. I’ll call soon and find out how they are doing.” 

“OMG, I’m so sorry Todd hurt the staff.” Viki was horrified as she always was when staff got hurt trying to help Todd. “Are the others all right?” 

“Some of them may be sore from the extent of the hold and Frank’s ribs are a little bruised. Todd head butted him before his head could be stabilized. Geri, a nurse from one of the other units, has a bruise on her arm from where Todd kicked out at her. Viki, I want you to understand that Todd was not trying to hurt anyone. He was in a rage. He couldn’t stop himself from what he was doing.” 

Viki sighed. “I know. It’s just . . .” Viki couldn’t continue. 

Susannah rubbed Viki’s back. “I know.” 

“Will he ever be safe enough to leave here?” Viki asked through her tears. “Todd has hurt people with his rages for as long as I’ve known him. Will it ever stop?” 

“Yes. When he learns how to channel his rage and gains control over himself. He doesn’t want to feel this way or do this. He can’t help it. Todd keeps things to himself until they boil over or something triggers him to act out. He has already gained control to some degree. He’s more cognizant of a rage building and he has already been able to utilize some coping skills at times.” 

“So whatever set him off this time had to be something . . . I don’t know . . . something that rocked the very core of his being,” Viki guessed. 

“Yes. I believe so,” Susannah confirmed. 

Viki looked around. “Oh my God, Sam, where is he? You said he was in the dayroom. Why didn’t he come to Todd’s room when he heard the commotion?” Viki started to get up. 

Susannah held onto Viki’s arm. “Sam’s not here. He left just a few minutes before Todd’s episode began.” 

“He left again? He knew Todd was very upset over what happened with Téa, didn’t he?” 

“I don’t know. Sam was in Todd’s room while Téa and Todd were talking. He quietly followed instruction and went to the dayroom when he was told that Todd wanted to be alone in his room.” 

Viki didn’t like the sound of this. It was not like Sam to leave when he knew Todd was in trouble. “Dear Lord, I hope he’s not in trouble himself.” 

“Viki,” Susannah said as she gently rubbed Viki’s back. “Todd is going to be out for at least a couple of hours, probably longer. I think it would be a good idea for you to either go home or go to the lounge and get some rest. Even if you don’t sleep, put your feet up for a while.” 

Viki nodded. Tears trickled down her cheeks. “Susannah, I don’t understand. Every time things start to look up, something terrible happens. Sam seemed so much better today and Todd has made so much progress lately, physically and emotionally. Then in the blink of an eye it all falls apart. What triggered all of this today?” 

“I don’t know for sure,” Susannah admitted. “Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out.” 

*********** 

Sam walked around for more than three hours before exhaustion made him stop at a coffee shop and sit down for a while. Sam thought over a steaming cup of coffee. He wasn’t sure what to believe or what to do. He finally decided that no matter what Blair said, Viki had a right to know about the money in Susannah’s account. He trusted Viki’s love for her brother. He believed that at least until they could find out why Asa gave Susannah that kind of money, Viki would be willing to bring Todd home to Llanfair. Like Blair had planned, he and Viki could bring in a private duty staff to help with Todd. Sam also planned on telling Viki his suspicious about Téa and Kevin. He knew Viki loved Téa and Kevin dearly, but unlike Blair he believed she could be objective about them, especially when it came to Todd’s welfare. Sam called a cab to take him back to the hospital. 

*********** 

Todd was beginning to come out of it. The restraints had been left in place until he could be assessed. Todd’s wrists and ankles tugged against the straps, but no more than would be expected as a sedated patient started to wake up. Susannah was called to his room. 

“How are Angelo and Eileen doing?” Frank whispered when Susannah walked into Todd’s room. 

“Films were negative on both of them. Eileen needed twelve stitches. They both have headaches from hell and won’t be coming in for a couple of days.” 

“Were you able to get their shifts covered?” Frank asked. 

“Yes, Connie and Dave are going to pull some doubles until they’re back.” 

Frank shook his head. “Man, I haven’t seen Todd like that in a long time. At least we know he’s got a lot of his physical strength back,” Frank said with a sad smile. 

Susannah smiled back. “That is the one good thing. I wonder if something had just built up or if it was something he thought of or if it was an alter that triggered this as he stood by the window?” 

Frank shrugged. “I don’t know, but until we find out. I imagine you don’t want him near any windows for the time being.” 

“You got that right,” Susannah quipped.  

Todd moaned and cried out Téa’s name. 

“Uh oh, sounds like Todd, and he’s coming out of sedation distressed. That’s not a good sign,” Frank stated. 

Susannah walked over to the bed. “Todd. Todd, can you hear me?” 

“Téa,” Todd called out softly. His eyes fluttered open. He looked around the room. “She’s gone,” he whispered to himself. 

“Do you want to see Téa?” Susannah asked. 

“Don’t matter what I want,” he murmured. “Maybe she was telling the truth for once in her life . . . I saw them with my own eyes . . . why not . . . deserves to be happy . . . don’t matter where I go . . . no help for me anywhere . . . cursed . . . make sure Starr’s not there . . .”  

“Todd, I need you to look at me,” Susannah instructed. He seemed disoriented to Susannah. She had no way of knowing that what Todd was saying was making sense. 

Todd’s eyes slowly met Susannah’s. They came into focus. 

“Good job. Do you know who I am?” 

“Doctor Hanen,” Todd said with difficulty. He licked his parched lips. 

“Would you like some water?” Susannah offered. 

He nodded. 

Susannah poured some cool water into a cup from the bedside pitcher. She held Todd’s head up with one hand and held the cup to his lips with the other. 

Todd drank thirstily. 

After he was finished, Susannah put the cup back on the night table and asked, “Can you tell me where you are?” 

Todd looked around again. His head felt a tiny bit clearer. “Loony bin,” he muttered.  

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Susannah asked. 

Todd thought for a minute. “You drugged me and tied me down.” Todd looked into Susannah’s eyes. “I hate you. I’ll be happy when I never have to see you or this place or anyone here again.” Todd was still unconsciously distancing himself from everyone he cared about. 

Susannah was pleased that Todd remembered what happened and debriefing with him would be possible. “Do you understand why you were medicated and placed in restraints?” 

“Because everyone here is a sadistic bastard,” he snapped. 

“What was your behavior like right before you were put in a hold?” 

“I was mad. So what!” 

“You were in a rage,” Susannah corrected. 

“Screw you! So I was in a rage. That’s no reason to do this to me.” Todd tugged on the restraints for emphasis. 

“What is one of our responsibilities here?” Susannah asked. 

Todd gave her a dirty look. “To keep the world safe from big bad Todd Manning . . . the devil incarnate.” 

“Yes, one of our responsibilities is to keep you from harming anyone. What else?” 

Todd didn’t respond.  

“What else, Todd? I think you know.” 

Todd glared at Susannah angrily. “To keep me from hurting myself.” 

“Yes. You hurt staff and you hurt yourself today. That’s not okay.” 

Todd turned his head away from Susannah. 

“Do you remember what you did when you were raging?” 

Once again Todd didn’t respond. 

Susannah repeated the question. “Do you remember what you did when you were raging?” 

“I threw a few things. Big fucking deal. I throw things all the time.” 

“That is not a safe way to handle your anger. You know some safe ways, can you tell me one of them?” 

“You can take your therapy crap and shove it. I’m not playing!” 

“Do you ever want to get out of here?” Susannah pressed. 

“What difference does it make? What difference does any of it make? You wanna keep me drugged, do it. You wanna keep me tied down, do it! I’m used to someone doing whatever the fuck they want to me. I don’t care. I don’t care if I stay here or leave. I have nothing to live for either way.” 

“It sounds like you’re giving up,” Susannah observed. 

“Wrong! You have to have something in the first place in order to give it up. I have nothing. I never did. It was all an illusion.” 

“You have many people who love you very much and will always be there for you. You are young. You’re getting your physical health back. You have an excellent psychiatric prognosis, and you have brilliant mind and many talents. Most people would think that’s quite a lot to live for,” Susannah pointed out. 

“Most people are assholes. People say they love you and it’s bullshit. Maybe you’re stupid enough to be fooled by that. I’m not!” 

“Who do you think fooled you when they said they loved you?” 

Todd wanted to curl up and die. He tugged on the restraints again. “Take them off,” he pleaded. 

“Do you understand why they were put on?” Susannah asked again. 

“Yes!” Todd said loudly. “Because I was out of control and dangerous to everyone including me. I didn’t wanna do any of those things. I couldn’t stop.” Tears fell from the corners of Todd’s eyes. “I couldn’t make it stop. I should be locked in a cage somewhere away from everyone.” Todd looked at Susannah. “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. It was like the rage took over and I was inside it. I couldn’t stop.”  

What Todd was too embarrassed to add was that he was glad they were there to stop him, even if it meant drugging him and placing him in restraints. Todd was scared to death of being out of the hospital. He knew he had little control over himself and that he was losing a lot of time. Deep within his mind and heart his hope was that somehow someone would know what he was planning with Blair and stop it from happening. It felt the same to as it had when Todd hoped and prayed Sam would realize what was happening with his father and rescue him. Only this time, Sam was part of what he feared. 

“I know,” Susannah stroked Todd’s head. “It’s all right. No one blames you. We know you couldn’t stop yourself. One of our jobs here is to help you to learn how to control yourself when you are overwhelmed with rage. You are learning, Todd. This hasn’t happened in a long time. You’ll get there, honey. I promise.” Susannah stroked Todd’s head. “Now, do you feel you can contract with me to stay in control and not hurt yourself or anyone else?” 

Todd nodded and whispered, “Yes.” 

Susannah gave Frank the cue to help her start undoing the restraints.  

Once they were off, Todd curled up on his side. He was shivering. 

Frank retrieved a blanket and covered him.  

“Can you tell me what triggered this episode?” Susannah pressed gently. 

Todd shook his head. 

“Did it have something to do with Téa?” Susannah pushed. 

“Can I please be alone?” Todd asked.  

“Not right now, buddy,” Frank responded. “I’ll sit here quietly. I won’t bother you.” 

“Whatever,” Todd said with a look of absolute hopelessness on his face. 

Susannah rubbed Todd’s back. “If you want to talk just tell Frank and someone will get me right away.”  

Todd’s only response was to sigh softly and pull the blanket up to his chin. 

Once Susannah left the room, Todd rolled onto his other side, facing away from Frank. He knew he couldn’t hold it together anymore. He buried his face in his pillow. Frank saw Todd’s shoulders shake. He could tell Todd was sobbing his heart out. Frank couldn’t hear what the pillow was muffling . . . Todd crying out, “Téa . . . oh God Téa . . . Téa.” 

*********** 

As she had promised she would, Susannah went to the family lounge and told Viki that Todd was awake and out of the restraints. She told her that he was still distraught and she should let him rest for a while.  

Viki insisted on going to the lounge near Todd’s room. She wanted to be able to get to him immediately should he ask for her. Viki was tempted to call Téa and tell her what happened. She thought better of it. She thought it best to just allow both Téa and Todd to get some rest first. She knew how traumatic the day had been for both of them. 

Viki was relieved and angry when she saw Sam walk toward the lounge area. She took a deep breath. The last thing she was up for was dealing with Sam if she set him off. She knew he had to be told about everything that happened after he left. She hoped he wouldn’t fall apart. Viki felt like she was at the end of her rope.  

“They put him in restraints again!” Sam exclaimed. 

“He sent two staff members to the ER,” Viki declared angrily. “He could have hurt himself badly. What did you want them to do?” 

Sam closed his eyes and ran the fingers of both hands through his hair. “I don’t know. I don’t know! What set him off? What did they do to him to make him lose control that way? Was Bo or Nora or Asa around when it happened?” 

“No,” Viki didn’t understand why Sam would be asking that. “Todd was in his room. Frank was the only one in there with him.” 

“No, not Frank. He wouldn’t be part of it, not Frank,” Sam said to himself. 

Viki felt frightened. “Not part of what? Sam please, what are you talking about.” 

Sam looked into Viki’s pain filled blue eyes. He dreaded having to tell her. She needs to know, he thought to himself. Sam looked around. No staff was nearby. “Viki, I have to tell you something. I know it will be hard for you to bel . . .” 

“Mom,” Kevin called to Viki.  

Neither Sam nor Viki heard Kevin approaching them.  

“What the hell are you doing here?” Sam jumped up and asked bitterly. 

Kevin ignored Sam. He walked around and knelt down in front of Viki. He took her hands in his. “Mom, I need you to stay calm. I got a phone call from Arizona.” 

Viki gasped. Her eyes filled with terror. 

Kevin continued. “There’s been an accident. It’s Dad and Jess.  
 

TO BE CONTINUED 
 
 

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