PREVIOUSLY

"LET ME DIEEEEEEEE!" Todd shrieked. He gasped. He jumped off the bed and pulled his clothes off.

"Case of nerves or not, I'll call you tomorrow before I come here," Nora promised. She and Bo turned to head for the doors. Nora gasped in shock when she walked straight, face to ace, into Todd.

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For a moment there was total silence on the unit as Todd and Nora came face to face. Their eyes locked and were wide with fear at the sight of each other. T�a, Bo, Susannah and the staff near the nurses� station stood perfectly still.

Bo winced when he saw the damage Todd had done to himself. The fresh deep scratches and head bruise were startling against Todd's pale face, neck and arms.

Nora was looking into Todd's eyes so intently that she didn't see the wounds at first. When she did, she put her hand to her mouth to keep herself from gasping. "Todd," Nora finally managed to say in a trembling voice.

Todd felt himself running toward the blackness of the tunnel.

"No, Todd," the soft, loving voice of Todd's papa said. "Don't be afraid. Stay and talk to Nora. This is what you've wanted. This is what you've been asking for. Hear what Nora has to say." Todd felt the gentle, warm touch of Goodone's hand on his back. Tenderly, Goodone gave him a tiny push. "Face Nora, Todd. You'll be angry with yourself if you don't. You know you need to talk to her. You know it's more than getting her to help you. I'll be here if you need to come inside. I'll be waiting right here for you. Papa is here. You're not alone."

"Nora," Todd whispered. Out of the corner of his eye, Todd saw Bo. Those near Todd saw his muscles stiffen and his pupils dilate in fear. "Are you here to take me to jail?" Todd asked Bo.

"No. Absolutely not. Why do you think that?" Bo asked. He felt horrible that punishment was the only thing Todd associated him with.

Todd cast his eyes down and hung his head. Then he slowly raised his eyes, without lifting his head. He glanced at Bo and then looked down again. "Because I asked Nora to come here." Todd's voice was barely audible.

"There's nothing illegal about asking someone to come see you," Bo replied gently. "It's okay to do that."

Todd raised his eyes again and stared into Bo's eyes for a moment and then into Nora's and then back to Bo's. "I didn't kill Georgie. I didn't rape anyone. I swear. I'm sorry I made Asa have a heart attack. Is he okay? Did he die?"

"No, Todd. Asa is fine. He didn't die." Bo looked into Todd's eyes. "Todd, do you know how long it's been since you . . . since we were all at the lodge? Do you know how long you've been in the hospital?"

Todd looked confused. He shrugged. "A . . . um . . . a-a couple of months," Todd guessed.

The staff knew that Todd had no real concept of when it was or how long he'd been hospitalized, but Bo and Nora were stunned at the level of Todd's confusion and disorientation.

"Asa's doing well," Bo repeated. "Everyone is okay. We understand why . . . uh . . . we understand, son . . . Todd . . . you don't have to worry."

Todd thought for a moment and he remembered what he wanted . . . why he asked to see Nora in the first place. "Still, I scared everyone with the fake bomb. I made Asa have a heart attack. I made Rachel confess. I kidnapped T�a and I hit her." Todd lifted his hands until they were behind his head. He laced his fingers and brought his hands down on top of his head. "I'll go with you Bo. I won't put up a fight."

"Todd, stop this! Bo is not here to arrest you," Nora said firmly. This frightened, submissive Todd confused her.

Todd looked from Nora to Bo and back again. "Oh." Todd nodded and swallowed hard. "I get it. You brought Bo here to protect you, from me."

Nora looked uncomfortable. She licked her dry lips. "Not exactly. Bo came here with me for moral support. We also visited with my sister." Nora paused for a moment. "You do know that Susannah is my sister?"

Todd nodded. "I know. You love her right? I mean not everyone loves their brother or sister. My sister Tina can't stand me."

Todd's question surprised Nora. "Yes. I love my sister." Nora glanced self-consciously in Susannah's direction.

"Then you'd care if she was in danger?" Todd asked.

"Todd, what is this all about?" Nora was feeling more uncomfortable by the second.

"Can I talk to you alone, in the dayroom?" Todd requested.

"No!" Nora answered too quickly and too harshly.

Todd hung his head and looked down at the floor again.

In a softer tone, Nora added, "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I'd just feel more comfortable if someone were around. Is that all right with you?"

"You're afraid of me," Todd stated.

"I'm not comfortable around you," Nora responded.

"I don't blame you, Nora. I remember what I did to you."

Nora took a deep breath. She wasn't ready to get into this now. She needed a minute to compose herself. "We can go to the dayroom. If Bo and a couple of the technicians come with us."

"You must have heard I'm so crazy that I always have to have staff near me, so what's the difference." Todd turned to Frank and Angelo. "You can come." Todd headed for the dayroom. Frank and Angelo followed closely behind.

Nora cast an uncomfortable glance at her sister and husband. She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"I'll be right outside the dayroom," Susannah whispered to her sister.

Bo took Nora's arm. "Come on, Red. I'll be with you."

****************

Todd stood behind one of the club chairs. Frank and Angelo stood near him.

"Hey, buddy. Relax. It'll be okay. Why don't you sit down," Frank suggested.

As soon as Nora and Bo walked into the room Todd headed for Nora. "Bo and Frank and Angelo are in the room. Can I please talk to you over there?" Todd pointed to the dining area.

Nora heard the desperation in Todd's voice. Her heart began to pound at the thought of even being a few feet away from protection.

Todd looked at her with pleading eyes. "I know you think I'm a monster. I didn't ask you here to change your mind. I think you'll feel safer once you talk to me. Please, Nora!"

Nora knew Todd would feel better about himself if she immediately stated that she didn't think he was a monster. She couldn't bring herself to say that because there was some truth to what Todd just said. Nora unconsciously pulled herself to her full height and broadened her shoulders as much as possible.

"All right, Todd. You can say what you have to say to me over there." Nora motioned toward the dining area.

"Thank you," Todd said softly.

Nora and Todd each took a seat at the table and faced each other. Todd chose the chair that would keep his back toward Angelo, Frank and Bo. He anxiously rubbed his sweaty palms on his lap. "I know you don't want to be here so I'll make it quick." Todd's voice was barely above a whisper. "I want you to be my lawyer again."

Nora sighed. She knew this was coming. Still, she was not prepared. "Sam and T�a are your legal team. They've done an excellent job representing you."

"I'm not saying they're not good lawyers. I'm saying they're not good lawyers for me right now. I want you."

Nora laughed nervously. "Because I did such a wonderful job for you the first time?"

"You purposely got me put away the first time," Todd stated. There was no anger in his voice.

Nora looked down at the table for a few seconds. "Yes, I did. I almost got disbarred for it. You hated me so much for it that you stalked me and tried to rape me."

Todd�s eyes filled with tears. "I won't try to hurt you when you do it this time."

Nora was confused. "When I do what?"

"When you get me locked away. I mean I know I'm already locked away." Todd began speaking quickly. He tripped over some of his words. "I mean locked away somewhere far from here. Or you can have Bo put me back in jail. I know all of you are doing things to make me crazy. That's okay. I'm not mad. You want me locked away. I get that. I want that, too. You won't have to make me crazy anymore. Just become my lawyer and make Viki and Sam and your sister send me away from here. I promise I won't try to escape and come back here. Just help me and you'll never have to see my ugly face again."

"Why do you want this? Why do you want to be sent away?" Nora asked.

Todd was shocked that Nora didn't immediately jump at the chance. "Why do you think! Why do you want me far away from you?"

"I didn't say that I did," Nora responded.

Todd banged his hand on the table. "Don't play games with me, Nora!"

Frank walked over to Todd. "Everything okay, buddy?"

Todd looked up at Frank. "I'm not hurting her."

"I know," Frank acknowledged. "You seem upset. I want to make sure you're okay and able to stay safe."

Todd took a deep breath. He looked up at Frank again. "I'm okay. I'm staying safe."

Nora felt a little better when she saw how quickly Frank responded to any sign of Todd losing control. "We're okay," Nora told Frank.

Frank gave Todd's shoulder a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "Okay, buddy. You go back to your meeting with Nora."

As soon as he felt a modicum of privacy, Todd began again. "Nora, you love your sister. You just said so. You care about Viki and Sam and Kevin and T�a. You care about almost everyone in this town. You've always wanted me far away from you and everyone you care about. This is your chance. Viki has to take care of me. She feels obligated. So does Sam. Kevin does what Viki wants. T�a has some kind of crazy idea that we can have a life together someday. She thinks I'm gonna get better."

"Don't you think you're going to get better?" Nora probed.

Todd looked at Nora and smiled. "You don't have to be afraid to say what you really feel. I'm not as stupid as everyone thinks I am. You and Bo both know I'm never going to get better because no one can fix what's wrong with me. I'm evil. Your sister can't shrink that out of me. You can tell Bo and Clint and Asa that they don't have to bother keeping me crazy. I want what they want. I want me out of their life and out of everyone's life."

"Todd, I know this is difficult for you to believe. No one is doing this to you and no one wants you to go to a hospital far away from those that love you. Clint is in Arizona and has been for a long while now. Asa, honestly, could care less about you. Bo and I certainly do not want you going to another hospital."

Todd stared into Nora's eyes. He nodded. "Okay, I understand. It's all right. You're entitled after what I did. I know being in a hospital, even a loony bin hospital, is too good for me. I'll go to prison. I deserve to be punished for the things I did. I deserve to be punished bad. I'll go back to Statesville. You tell Bo to make the arrangements. I can be ready . . ."

"Todd! Listen to me." Nora began to say each word slowly and deliberately. "No one wants you to leave this hospital except to go home someday. We don't want you to go to another hospital or to prison."

Todd looked shocked. Then he looked confused. "I thought you cared about Viki and Sam. I mean you and Sam had a thing. You must have loved him once. I thought you liked T�a. You wanted her to work for you. You always tried to keep her away from me. You tried to help her divorce me. I know you don't think any more of Blair than you do of me, but what about Starr? Don't you even care about my little girl?"

"Of course, I care about all of them. For some reason everyone you've mentioned loves you. They love you with all their heart. It would destroy them if you walked out of their life and I'm not going to be the one to help you do it."

"Please don't sacrifice all of those people just because you hate me so much you want to be able to actually see me suffer."

"What are you talking about?" Nora asked impatiently.

"I told you I'm not stupid!" Todd said angrily.

"I never said you were stupid. The one thing I never thought about you was that you were stupid. Now tell me what you meant."

"If I'm far away or in Statesville you won't be able to see me suffer. You care more about getting that satisfaction than you do saving everyone. Nora! I'm dangerous. You know that. I hurt people! That's what I do. That's what I've always done, all my life. You know what I'm capable of. Everyone around me ends up hurt or dead. Do you want that for Sam and Viki? Do you want that for T�a and Starr? Do you want that for your own sister!"

"Todd, you need to listen to me."

"No! You need to help me!"

"I am helping you. I'm trying to help you to see that the best place for you is here. The best thing for your family is to have you here. They'd go out of their minds' with worry if you were far away. They'd die inside if anything bad happened to you," Nora added.

Todd looked into Nora's eyes and then looked down at his lap. "What about you?"

"What about me?" Nora didn't understand.

"You want me far away. You wouldn't feel bad if something happened to me." Todd said this more like a question than a statement.

Susannah told Nora that Todd wanted more from her than legal help. Nora realized what Todd was asking and she knew what he wanted to hear. Her stomach knotted up. "I've never told Viki, Sam or Susannah that I wanted you in a different hospital."

Tears welled up in Todd's eyes again. "You'd feel better if I was dead or far away or locked up in a prison away from here. Why can't you just say it?"

"That's not true. I don't want you dead." Nora was able to say honestly.

"The dead can't suffer, right?" Todd snapped.

"The dead can't be helped either and I think you can be helped. From what my sister told me you are making excellent progress and . . ."

"Cut the crap, Nora! I know the routine. I know what everyone that comes to see me is told. Humor the lunatic. Make him think he's gonna get out of here someday. Make him think he can have a family and a life just like everyone else. Tell him he's not evil. Tell him he won't destroy everyone that he cares about. Tell him that he's good enough to be loved and he won't be left behind. You think I don't know that your sister and Viki and Sam and T�a prepared you well before you came here?"

"No one prepared me, Todd. I've seen the effort you have put into getting what you want. If you put that same effort into getting well, you can do it. You can have all those things you just mentioned. You already have the love of your family. Look how long they've been here with you, at your side. Viki, Sam and T�a chose to give up parts of their life because they want to spend time with you and they want to help you."

"I don't want that! I don't want anyone giving up anything for me. They're wasting their time. I'm not worth it. I don't want them to want to spend time with me. Don't you get it! They should hate me. They should hate me the way you do and the way Bo does. You don't know what I'm capable of."

Nora laughed. "Todd, I of all people know what you're capable of."

"No you don't! What I did to you is nothing compared to what I can do. It doesn't matter if I love someone or if I'd rather die than hurt them. I hurt them anyway. I do horrible, perverted, disgusting things. I do them to people I love and then they hate me and they leave me." Todd held up his hands. "You see these, Nora. All I have to do is touch someone and it starts happening. My touch is poison. It's evil. It destroys." More tears formed in Todd's eyes. This time they spilled down his cheeks. He quickly brushed them away with the palms of his hands. "It's the same if someone touches me. You were right. Everyone was right! I'm a monster! I'm an evil monster that can hurt and kill just by touch."

"Todd, that's nonsense. No one ever thought that about you or about anyone. No one can harm someone just by their touch. You hurt people out of rage and fear, rage and fear that was triggered by the terrible things that were done to you. No one realized it at the time. I'm not excusing what you did . . ."

"Are you forgiving it?"

Nora could see the answer Todd was looking for in his eyes. "I . . . I . . . Todd I don't know how I feel. You have issues to work through and so do I."

Todd looked crestfallen. He looked down at his lap again. "I wasn't asking you to forgive me," he whispered. "I know you never will. No one ever will and I don't deserve it. I know that. Everyone in this town hates me. They probably all hate me back in Chicago, too. All I want is your help. You won't even really be helping me. You'll be helping everyone around me including you and Bo. You talk to them, Nora. You tell them you're my lawyer now and I have rights. You tell them it's my life and I'm not stupid and I can go where I want. You get them to send me to a loony bin far away or back to prison. You don't have to pretend it's not what you and Bo want because I know it is. I know how much you both hate me and want me punished."

Nora tried to stay calm. "You need help right now, Todd, not punishment."

"There is no help for me. Oh come on, Nora. You know that."

"I know that Susannah is an excellent psychiatrist and she can help you if you want to be helped."

Todd looked directly into Nora's eyes. "What do you want?"

"What do I want for you?" Nora needed clarification.

"If you had your choice, you'd want me far away, wouldn't you?"

"Todd, I'm not your family. What I want is immaterial."

Todd looked away. He bit his lip to keep from crying again. "Then you do want me sent away. You always did. That's why you made sure I'd go to Statesville. You always knew I was evil."

"I wanted you to go to Statesville because you committed a horrendous crime."

"So did Powell. You didn't want him in jail for what he did. He raped Marty too, but you helped Powell. You cared about him. You liked him."

Nora took a deep breath. She was regretting agreeing to this. "Powell was genuinely sorry for what he did to Marty, on top of that he was forced, by you, Todd."

"I didn't force him to rape those nurses or to try to rape Rebecca. I didn't force him to hold a gun to Rebecca's head. I didn't force him to hold a gun to my head and to make me beg for my life. I didn't force him to shove a sweatband in my mouth. Powell hurt me but you still cared about him. You still helped him. You still kept him out of jail. What about Rachel? Did I force her to kill Georgie? You wanted me to go to jail for that instead of Rachel. She saw everyone was blaming me and she let them!"

"Rachel paid for her crime. She went to Statesville, the same as you did."

"But you didn't want her to go. You wanted it to be me. Even when she finally confessed, you tried to get her to say it was me. You wanted me to go back to prison for something I didn't do and if you could have you would have let me go in her place. Wouldn't you!"

"Yes!" Nora looked off to the side. "Yes. I'm sorry, Todd. I would have. Rachel is my baby. She's my child. Georgie drove her to it. Rachel isn't a violent person. She made a mistake."

"But I didn't just make a mistake. I'm no good through and through . . . a loser . . . someone that causes heartache and pain to everyone. So I belong put away for good. Then help me! You know you want to. So just do it! You'll get what you've always wanted. You get them to send me away or let me out of here and I swear to you that you'll never see me again. I won't ever hurt anyone or be a problem to anyone ever again."

"It's not what I want now." Nora saw the desperation on Todd's wounded face. She also saw that he was getting agitated. "Todd, I'm sorry. I'm not going to help you run away from everyone that loves you and I'm certainly not going to help put you in a position that will allow you to hurt yourself."

"You never helped me. You never cared about me." Todd started to look dazed. "You let him hurt me. You left me. You lied. You said you loved me. You said I was a good boy and then you let him hurt me. You said I was your perfect, beautiful boy. You promised to take me with you and you left me! I was so scared. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't even move. I couldn't let go of the note. I wanted to run but I couldn't move. Then I found you and you sent me back again. You loved him more than you did me and you left me to go to him. Why did you say you loved me if you didn't? You made me keep hoping that you'd help me and that you'd come back for me, but you kept leaving me with the monster."

Nora sat transfixed by what Todd was saying so softly that she had to strain to hear him. His voice sounded detached. His stare was almost blank. Nora noticed Todd's eyes glaze over. She watched as his head lowered slightly and he blinked a couple of times. When Todd looked directly into Nora's eyes again, the hair on the back of her neck stood up. All she could see was fury and hatred. She froze. Nora knew all Frank, Angelo and Bo could see was Todd's back.

"You did, Nora," he whispered in a voice so low that only she could hear. "You walked out. You protected Powell. You protected him, not me. You left me to the monsters. You were supposed to care, but you didn't. It was a lie! It's always a lie. Do you wanna hear if the punishment was enough to satisfy you? Do you wanna hear what they did in Statesville? I'm sure you always asked Powell how he was doing when you came to visit him. You never came to ask me. You should have visited me and asked me, Nora. You would have gotten great satisfaction. It would have made your day! Let me tell you now. Let me tell you about Garret, a yard guard. Do you know what his favorite game was? It was taking his nightstick and beating me with it on parts of my body that no one would see. Do you wanna know what he liked to do with that nightstick when he was finished beating me with it?"

"No. I think we need to end this now." Nora started to get up.

He jumped up and grabbed her by the hair before she, Frank, Angelo or Bo had a chance to react. He pulled her over to the wall and yanked her head back by her hair. He placed his other hand under her jaw so that she could not move her head or open her mouth to call out or speak.

Bo rushed to them.

"Bo! Wait," Frank called out. He knew Nora could end up being hurt if Bo tried to grab Todd.

Bo stopped in his tracks. He understood why Frank called out to him.

Angelo went to the door to get Susannah and more staff. "Todd, you need to let go of Nora right now!" Frank said firmly, but calmly.

T�a had jumped up when Angelo stuck his head out of the door and called to Susannah. After telling T�a to stay put, Susannah told Janet to get six more staff members and she rushed into the dayroom with Angelo.

Frank slowly inched closer, as did Bo. "Todd. I said to let go of Nora," Frank ordered.

"Sorry, Frankie boy. Todd went ta-ta. You're dealing with me now!" He rubbed his cheek against Nora's. "And so are you," he purred.

"Who�s out?" Susannah asked.

"Razor. That's what most of them thought put this scar on my face. Some of the guards and other prisoners liked Razor Boy, some just Razor. 'Come on, Razor Boy. Show us what you've got. Would you like to have a matching scar on the other side? Get on your knees Razor. Do me Razor Boy, if you wanna see tomorrow. Bend over Razor, NOW!'"

Nora jumped when he shouted that last word in her ear. Her blood ran cold.

"So where were we Nora . . . oh yeah . . . I was about to tell you about Garret. Oh he looooved his nightstick. He loved to play all kinds of games with it. You wanna know what one of his favorite games was? Hmmm?"

"Razor," Bo called out. "I'm sorry you were hurt at Statesville. I didn't know that was happening to you. That's my fault. I'm the cop. I should have watched out for your safety. I'm the one you should be angry with for that. Your beef is with me. Let Nora go." Bo was now within arm's length of Razor. He saw that Nora was more frightened than hurt. Neither he nor any of the others wanted to spook Razor and have him accidentally or purposely snap Nora's neck.

"Nora hasn't heard the best part yet. She wanted Todd to suffer. She wanted the monster to hurt him because he hurt her." Razor tugged on Nora's hair with a little more force. "Didn't you, Nora? See if this is enough suffering for you. Hear what it was you wanted Todd to go back to prison for instead of your precious Powell and your sweet little Rachel. Garret . . . oh he loved Todd. Todd was his favorite boy toy. So ol' Razor had to come out because Todd couldn't take it! Pete's job was to handle tough, but what Garret had in mind for Todd was ol' Razor's job to handle. Garret would get Todd alone and Todd had a good idea what was coming, no pun intended, Nora." He squeezed her jaw tightly.

Nora couldn't move her head. She was able to look to the side and see Razor's eyes. They were filled with pain and rage.

Razor went on. "Once he was alone with Garret, Todd would stick around for some of the beatings sometimes, mostly Pete would take them for Todd, but ya wanna know what made Todd run to his papa and what ol' Razor had to go through? Garret would make us take our clothes off. He'd make us strip in front of him, real slow. Then he'd beat us and he'd make us get down on our knees and beg for him to stop. He'd make us do that for about five minutes while he'd be getting hot. Once Garret was ready, he'd make us rest our forehead against that filthy floor. Then the real fun started. He always liked to start by beating us across the ass with his nightstick. That would get Garret hard. I'd always be the one out by then. Garret would get in back of me and shove his dick into me as hard as he could. Sometimes so hard that I'd fall flat down and my face would smash into the floor and I'd bite my tongue or lip. He'd like that. He liked when I'd bleed. He liked when I'd bleed everywhere. Sometimes he'd use that nightstick of his to make me bleed. It was lots bigger than his dick, Nora. Sometimes some of the chosen few, inmates that were Garret's favorites, would get their chance with us. The other inmates knew to keep their hands off. We were Garret's property. He decided who got to beat us, and who got to torture us, and who got to fuck us."

Razor had said those last six words slowly and deliberately and through clenched teeth. He slightly tightened his grip on Nora's hair and jaw. Razor continued. "Garret also decided who got to watch. Ohhh, you had to be one of Garret's reeeally good friends to get a ticket to watch what he and some of the others did to us. Some of them were other guards. Sometimes they just watched. Sometimes he let them share in his fun. Maybe he should have let you watch, Nora. You too, Bo," Razor called out. "You both would have had the time of your lives watching what that miserable motherfucker and some of the others did to us."

Nora saw Razor's eyes glaze over the way Todd's had. She immediately knew she was looking into Todd's eyes again.

Todd looked dazed and confused for a moment. That was quickly replaced with terror when he realized his face was nearly pressed against Nora's. Todd gasped when he felt Nora's hair in one hand and her jaw in the other. Todd saw himself back at that beach house. He flashed back to the night he almost raped Nora.

Nora felt Todd's hands release her. She saw his eyes go blank for a second. Then an innocent look she'd never seen came over Todd.

Todd's legs seemed to crumble under him, as if they couldn't hold him up. He fell backward. Bo, the nearest to Todd, caught him.

"Whoa," Bo said. He held onto Todd tightly as he lowered him to the floor. Todd started to cry. The cry was that of a baby. Bo looked up at Nora. "Red, are you all right?"

Nora rubbed her jaw and answered in a trembling voice. "Yes. I'm fine. He just scared me. My God. I don't think that's Todd."

Susannah, Eileen and Frank rushed to Todd.

Bo continued to cradle Todd in his arms as Todd continued to cry loudly. "Hey, Todd. It's all right. You didn't hurt Nora. She's okay. She just said she's okay."

Susannah and Frank immediately knew who was out. They'd know that cry and that innocent face anywhere. Some of the other staff members weren't around the last time he was out and they weren't certain this was the alter they heard about.

Just to be sure, Susannah pulled out the locket she wore from under her shirt and let it dangle as she leaned over. Slowly the crying ceased. The baby reached for Susannah's locket and put it in his mouth and began to suck on it.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" Bo asked as he continued to hold the baby.

Nora looked down at the child in Bo's arms. "I'd like to know that, too."

"This is an infant alter. He's about five months old. We refer to him as the baby or call him Baby when we talk to him directly."

Both Bo and Nora's mouths dropped open in shock.

Bo looked at the infant in his arms again. "I heard there was a five-month-old alter but I-I . . . he sounds just like a real baby."

"This is for real?" Nora directed her question to Susannah.

"Yeah," Susannah confirmed as she stroked the baby's head.

"Why was he crying? He doesn't understand what just happened here does he?" Bo asked.

"No," Susannah answered. "He was most likely frightened. He came out suddenly saw strange faces and then he fell over."

"He can't walk, or even stand?" Nora asked.

"Physically, he's very much like a typical five-month-old," Susannah informed them. "Jeff, Angelo, get a gurney," she instructed. Susannah tried to call Todd and some of the other alters to the front, without success.

Bo stared at the baby for a few moments. He touched the baby's hand with his index finger. "Hey there little fella. You like that locket don't ya."

The baby wrapped the fingers of his left hand around Bo's finger. He stared into Bo's eyes with his large innocent ones. He let go of the locket and stuck his first three right fingers into Bo's mouth as Bo talked. The baby smiled. He began to make gurgling and cooing sounds.

Bo smiled back. He chuckled the baby's cheek, making him laugh. Bo looked up at Susannah. "He's a cutie."

Nora was neither smiling nor laughing. She stood staring at the baby. She couldn't believe the sight in front of her. She could actually see the infant that was presenting through Todd's body and face. There was an innocence . . . a certain wonder of the new world around him that she'd only seen in the faces' of infants. Nora could not get her brain to accept that the man that was pleading for her help, forgiveness and caring, and the man who just attacked her and terrified her, and at the same time broke her heart and sent her guilt into overdrive with his story of horrendous abuse in the prison she sent him to, and this totally helpless infant were all living in the same body. Nora could still feel Razor's hand on her jaw. She slowly knelt down. She looked at the baby closely. Nora's hand trembled slightly as she reached out to touch his cheek.

The baby turned in Nora's direction. He looked up at her and smiled with what Nora could only describe to herself as an infant's smile. There was something special about it. She remembered the first time she had gotten Rachel to smile. The baby reached up and grasped Nora's hair in his hand. Nora was startled at the difference. This felt the same way it did when Rachel would do that, not at all the way it felt when Razor had her hair in his hand only minutes ago.

Nora rubbed the baby's chest gently. "I'll bet your mommy and daddy are going to be surprised when they hear you're out."

The baby stuck his fingers in Nora's mouth and laughed.

Bo had been watching Nora closely. He thought for sure her reaction to this child touching her hair and mouth would freak her out. It didn't. Bo could see that this sweet and joyous child had touched her the way he had him. Then Bo thought of something frightening.

"Todd can't stay this way forever, can he?"

"He's come out of it before. The baby or Adam, an autistic alter, come out in times of extreme stress and when no other alter can handle being out," Susannah explained.

"Are you saying Todd was so traumatized by discovering that he was attacking me that he went away or inside or whatever you call it?"

"Yes, I believe that's exactly what happened," Susannah confirmed.

"Oh God," Nora said softly. "Maybe Sam was right? Maybe I shouldn't have met with Todd?"

"No, Red. It seemed that Todd needed to say what he said to you. I couldn't hear much of it until the end, when I was standing close to you. Susannah," Bo asked, "has Todd or this Razor ever talked to you about what happened at Statesville? I swear. I knew nothing about it."

"This is the first time Razor has been out. I never met him. Todd and Pete have both alluded to being hurt in prison. They both shut down whenever I would press the issue."

"Oh great!" Nora exclaimed. "Not only did I cause this baby to come out, I caused another alter to appear."

"Being with you probably did trigger Razor," Susannah confirmed. "He obviously has issues with you and what happened to him at Statesville. Razor coming out is not a bad thing. Now that I know he's in the system, I can try to get him out and try to get him to talk about what happened to him and to Todd and Pete and any of the others that handled Statesville."

"Man! I should have followed up on what was going on with Todd." Tears welled up in Bo's eyes. "I was so damn happy to finally see him go to prison that I didn't care what happened to him once he got there. If I knew that was happening to Todd I would have put a stop to it. I'm going to call the prison and find out if Garret and any of the other guards that were in on this still work there."

"Do you think Viki and Sam or T�a know what happened to Todd when he was in prison?" Nora asked.

"No. Todd never told any of them or they would have told me. I don't think Todd remembers all of what actually happened. Razor is holding most of the memories. I do remember seeing the name Garret in Ray Martino's notes. Todd shut down when he tried to get him to talk about it, too. All he admitted was that Garret had it in for him. Todd told Ray he was afraid of him because he had a badge. He said he felt like a scared little runt because he was afraid to fight back."

Suddenly the baby started to squirm in Bo's arms. He started to cry again. He flailed his arms.

"Hey, what's the matter little pal? I'm sorry, were we not paying attention to you?" Bo tried to chuckle the baby's cheek again.

The baby continued to cry.

"Susannah, he feels a little warm now," Bo announced.

Susannah felt the baby's forehead. He felt like he was running a low-grade fever.

"Janet, please do vitals on him, and I'll need a stethoscope, too," Susannah directed.

"Sure, be right back," Janet said and left to get what was needed.

Susannah felt the baby's stomach. "It�s not distended," she commented. She felt to see if he was wet. "Nope, he's dry."

When the baby moved his head, Nora pointed to his neck and asked, "What's that?"

"Damn!" Susannah exclaimed. She pulled down the top of his gown. A rash had formed over the baby's neck and appeared to be working its way down his shoulders, chest and back.

"What is it? What's wrong with him?" There was anxiety in Nora's voice. It was obvious to all that she cared a great deal.

"He's got a walloping dose of Todd's medication going through him and he's reacting to it. I was hoping this wouldn't happen."

Nora and Bo looked as shocked as they felt.

"You're saying that this little guy is overdosing on the same medication that Todd's body can handle with no problem?" Bo asked disbelievingly. He instinctively held the baby closer to him in a protective way.

"Most likely. He's having a reaction for sure."

Janet came back and handed Susannah a stethoscope.

"Thanks" Susannah said to Janet. She touched Bo's arm. "Do you think you can pull him against you so that I can have access to his back? I need to listen to his lungs to make sure there's no wheezing or stridors."

Bo hugged the baby to him tightly. "Okay. Shhhhh. This won't hurt. Shhhh," Bo gently tried to sooth the crying child.

Nora had heard of people going into anaphylactic shock from allergic reactions. She asked Susannah if that's what was happening to the baby.

"No," Susannah answered, as she handed the stethoscope back to Janet, "at least not right now." His lungs are clear and his breathing is easy. He has a rash, not hives." Susannah moved out of the way so Janet could have access to the baby. Janet helped Bo turn him into a good position for vitals.

"Temp's 100.6 . . . BP's 90/50 . . . pulse is 130 . . . respiration 48, but he's still crying," Janet announced, one by one, as she took his vitals.

"That's not normal. I mean those aren't normal findings are they?" Nora asked anxiously. She was feeling guilty. She wondered if it was something she said that triggered this.

"He's running a low grade fever, but the rest of his vitals are not that out of range for a five-month-old. That's what we go by with this alter. His heart rate is only slightly elevated," Susannah explained, further shocking Bo and Nora. She turned back to Janet. "When he's in his bed, start an IV on him. Use an armboard to stabilize it. Give him 500 CCs of normal saline over four hours. Start him on Benadryl, 25 milligrams IV, four times a day and Tylenol, 80-milligram suppositories, every six hours. Use Elocon cream, 0.1 percent, once a day, as a topical." Susannah sighed. "If he starts to scratch himself despite that, we're going to have to put mittens on him. Hold off on his regular meds for the rest of the day. If he's still out tomorrow, make sure everyone knows to follow the meds and dosages for the baby. I'll do the paperwork on everything shortly." Susannah placed her hand on Bo's arm again. "We need to take him to his room now."

Angelo and Jeff were standing by with the gurney they brought over.

Bo realized he was still holding the crying child tightly. He lessened his hold.

Jeff knelt down. "Bo, we're gonna take him now. Just lay him in my arms."

The baby continued to wail as he was placed on the gurney.

"Let's go," Susannah directed.

**************

�

�

T�a rushed toward the gurney as they wheeled it out of the dayroom. She too immediately recognized the baby's cries. "Oh my God. What made him come out? What happened? What's wrong with him?"

"T�a, he's having a reaction to the medication Todd was given," Susannah quickly said as she rushed with the others to get the baby into his bed. On her way to Todd's room Susannah called out to Nancy, "See if Sam and Viki are in the lounge. They need to be told what happened."

"What happened in there?" T�a asked in a controlled voice. She tried to stay calm. She didn't want to start throwing accusations around. Even though she was furious with Bo and Nora, she waited to hear what they had to say.

Nora started to tell T�a what had gone on when the entire situation hit her. Nora's legs felt weak. "Bo, will you please fill T�a in," Nora asked as she sat in one of the lounge chairs.

Bo took Nora's hand. "You okay, Red?"

"Just a little shaky. Please, let T�a know what happened. I can see she's upset."

After Bo filled her in, it was T�a's turn to feel shaky enough to need to sit down. "Oh God." T�a began to cry. "Bo! Where the hell were the other guards or the warden? How was Todd able to survive that after all he'd been through with his father? Oh God." T�a wept into her hands.

Viki came rushing down the hall with Nancy. The baby's loud cries could be heard coming from Todd's room.

"Why is he crying like that?" Viki asked frantically.

"Susannah's starting an IV on him. There was no time to use an Emla disc to numb the IV site," Nancy informed Viki.

Viki shook her head and wiped away a tear. She couldn't bear to think of the baby being hurt in any way. It was not that it didn't kill her to think of Todd or any of the alters being hurt, but the baby was one of the only alters that never experienced the physical and emotional pain and suffering Peter and Barbara Manning inflicted on their child. Viki did not want the baby to ever know pain of any kind. She wanted this joyous child kept free from any kind of suffering. Viki headed for Todd's room. She stopped when she saw Bo, Nora and T�a sitting in the lounge and headed for them instead.

"Nancy told me the baby came out and he's reacting badly to the medication Todd was given."

Bo stood up and walked over to Viki. "He has some kind of rash," he stated. "His heart rate is a little high, too. His breathing was good," Bo tried to add something encouraging.

"I thought you and Nora were going to hold off seeing Todd because of how much he'd already been through today?" Viki couldn't help feeling some anger.

"We were on our way out of here when Todd came rushing out of his room. We literally ran face to face into each other," Nora explained.

"So you talked to him?" Viki wasn't sure what had gone on.

"Yes. Viki, I'm sorry. I should have called first. Maybe if Todd hadn't already had such a hard day . . . . maybe Razor . . ."

"Razor?" Viki questioned.

"Oh God. That's right. Susannah said this was the first time Razor came out," Nora remembered. "Todd became upset when I wouldn't help to get you to send him away. Another alter a came out. Someone named Razor. He . . . he said he came out when Todd was in Statesville. He said he was the one that came out when . . . oh God Viki. I think you better talk to Susannah about the rest."

Viki's eyes widened with fear. "No. You tell me."

Nora and Bo exchanged looks with T�a.

"Please. T�a? Bo? Damn it! One of you please tell me," Viki demanded.

Bo took Viki's arm. He gently guided her to a seat. "Viki, Todd started talking about Nora leaving him and not protecting him."

"He was confused. I think he thought he was talking to his mother," Nora interjected.

"An alter named Razor came out," Bo continued. "He grabbed Nora by the hair and jaw."

Viki gasped. "Dear Lord! Oh, Nora. I'm sorry. Are you all right?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm fine," Nora assured Viki. "He didn't hurt me. He just scared me."

Viki turned back to Bo.

"What did Razor say? It's obviously something that's upsetting you all."

Just as Bo was about to answer, they heard a knock on the door and saw that Kevin had arrived and was waiting to be buzzed in.

Kevin knew there was a problem as soon as he saw everyone sitting in the lounge. "What's going on?" Kevin asked as he approached them.

"The baby is out," Viki began explaining. "Nora visited with Todd, at Todd's request. During their visit another alter named Razor came out when Todd became upset with Nora for refusing to help him get transferred to another hospital."

"Or to jail," Nora announced. "Todd said he'd be willing to go back to jail if that were the only way he could get away from here."

"Razor attacked Nora," Viki said with tears in her eyes. "He didn't hurt her, thank God."

"I thought he was doing so much better. Damn!" Kevin said angrily. "He was. When I left here, he was okay. I mean okay compared to the way he has been." Kevin turned to T�a. "What happened? I heard you stayed the night. Did something happen to make him go off this way?"

T�a nodded. "I left him for nearly two hours. I had an appointment with Doctor Anderson." T�a's chin trembled. "He fell asleep again and I wasn't there to chase away the nightmares. I promised him I would be and I wasn't."

"T�a, you know Todd would have become extremely upset if you hadn't kept that appointment," Viki reminded her again. "Your health and happiness are extremely important to Todd. He'd never deliberately put you in a position that could cause you any harm or suffering."

T�a realized that was true. She was one of the few people Todd had never hurt out of revenge. Out of rage, out of fear, out of loss of control, yes, but never once had Todd plotted against her or deliberately set out to hurt her. Never once had he taken even a moment�s pleasure in any pain she suffered. When Todd did hurt her, it was always a gut reaction and something he regretted immediately.

T�a knew with all her heart and soul that Todd would never deliberately sit down and think of doing something to her that he knew would hurt her, or stand back while someone or something else did. She knew in his own Todd like way, he respected her. T�a hoped it was because some part of Todd, despite the self-loathing he felt, knew she respected him . . . his amazing intelligence . . . his wit and the way he looked at the world like no one else she had ever known . . . his compassion . . . his fervent dislike of the pompous and the way he could bring them to their knees with a look or a word or two, and his capacity to love. Todd couldn't feel the love others had for him yet. Nevertheless, T�a did believe that on some level, he knew who truly loved him. She also believed that Todd realized how deeply he loved those he loved. He certainly felt the pain that love caused him more often than not. T�a respected Todd more than anyone she had ever known. Todd's struggle to get well and the knowledge of what he had to overcome just to survive increased her respect for him tenfold.

T�a had had more time to think since Todd had been ill, than she had ever had in her life. One of the conclusions she came to was that to be respected by Todd was an honor. There were few people in the real world, the world outside Todd's inner system, that he respected. His adopted mother, Viki, Sam, Starr, Jessie, Susannah, the staff at the hospital, and in a very special way, Marty Saybrooke, were the only ones T�a was sure Todd respected. She believed it because he had tried to spare them pain instead of causing it. This was the same way Todd treated her. T�a didn't forget that Todd had caused Marty the greatest pain of her life when he raped her, and again when Patrick died. T�a had no idea that Patrick was still alive, neither did Todd. They both assumed Patrick had died the day Michael Mahoney shot him. T�a knew that second pain, taking Patrick from Marty and their child, preyed on Todd's mind. Never was it Todd's intent to hurt Marty. It was revenge and protection that drove Todd. More and more, T�a understood the way her husband thought. He saved Patrick's life, enabling him to go to Marty. When Todd saw Patrick having sex with Blair, he not only felt he was being betrayed, he felt he had hurt Marty once again by sending a man who would sleep with her enemy back to her. T�a understood that Todd wanted to protect Marty and avenge his own betrayal. He honestly believed Patrick was no good. So, as strange as it seemed, T�a most certainly did included Marty Saybrooke when she thought of people Todd respected and would never again hurt out of revenge.

T�a knew, as surely as she knew her own name that Todd would never set out to hurt her. He had proven this to her time and time again. Two of many incidences came to T�a's mind. She thought about the time that Todd knew Blair was trying to hurt him in some way. T�a had left the penthouse in anger after she and Todd had an argument. She was walking on the waterfront and saw the heads of various departments of the Sun arrive for a secret meeting with Blair and Ian Armitage, on Ian's yacht. When she came home, she began to tell Todd what she had seen. As much as he desperately wanted to know what Blair was up to, Todd's first reaction was deep concern that she had been on the waterfront at night. T�a remembered how touched she had been by that. Todd had let his guard down for a moment, and his love for her came shining through. T�a also remembered how filled with jealousy Todd had been over Andrew. Yet not once had he tried to hurt her. Yes, he went after Andrew, but never her. T�a could no more imagine Todd taking a child away from her, the way he had taken Starr from Blair, than she could imagine growing another head. She knew without a doubt that Todd placed her in the same category he placed Viki, Starr, Sam, Jessie, Marty and his mom, and she felt in very good company.

"Honey?" Viki called out when she saw T�a so lost in thought.

"I know," T�a admitted with tears in her eyes. "I remember how tender and loving Todd was when I got hurt after Blair pushed me through the window, and then when he thought I was sick, when we were in Niagara Falls." T�a turned to Bo and Nora. "You should see that side of Todd. He was mature and caring. He was protective. He knew what to do. He took care of me. As desperate as he was, the first time because the custody of Starr was at stake, and the second time because he was literally running for his life, he put my needs and me first. He came through like a mature and loving husband."

"I don't understand any of this." Kevin looked in Nora and Bo's direction. "Where do you two come in? Were you with T�a and Todd when he became upset?"

"No," Bo shook his head. "I was just about to tell your mom what happened."

As he and Nora did with T�a, they told Viki and Kevin everything they knew.

More tears spilled down Viki's cheeks.

The muscles in Kevin's jaw were taut with anger. Making an obvious effort to control himself, Kevin asked, "Is this guard . . . this Garret . . . is he still at Statesville?"

"I don't know," Bo answered.

Kevin stood up. "I'll be back later."

Bo jumped up and grabbed Kevin's arm. "Don't do it, Kevin. Let me handle this."

"You mean the way you and Nora just handled seeing Todd!" Kevin lashed out sarcastically.

"I tried my best!" Nora defended herself. "What did you want me to do . . . agree to help him leave here!"

"No, I just didn't think you coming here to see Todd was a good idea in the fist place."

"God, you sound like Sam," Nora observed.

"Yeah, well maybe this time he was right!"

Viki walked over to Kevin. She placed her hands on either side of his face. "If Razor went through that, we need to know."

Kevin pulled away. He turned his gaze from all of them.

They could tell from the way Kevin was breathing that he was trying to keep himself from getting sick to his stomach.

Finally, Kevin looked at his mother again. "I know it's a good thing that Razor is able to talk about what happened. We can help Todd work through it." Kevin clenched his fists in an effort to maintain control. "What's not a good thing is that son of a bitch and those others did this to Todd and God knows how many other prisoners and they're not gonna get away with it. Garret was the ringleader, right? If he's not working at Statesville any more, I'll use every resource we have to find out where he is and he's gonna pay for what he did."

"He will, Kevin," Bo promised. "He will. Let the law handle this. I swear to you, and to you too, Viki . . . T�a . . . he'll pay."

"Oh, God," Viki cried. "I don't know what Sam will do when he hears about this. He's already so distraught."

Nora exchanged a worried glance with Bo. So far everyone's first reaction was to blame her. She feared Sam would take this same reaction to the extreme. Nora cursed herself for agreeing to this in the first place. It wasn't only her worry over Sam's reaction that bothered her. It was what she was feeling about Todd. First Adam, then Timmy, and now this baby, oh brother did he get to me, Nora thought to herself. Nora could not understand the intense feelings of concern she had for this baby . . . maternal feelings. She could not even understand how easily she thought of him as a baby. Nora had been aware of what DID was like ever since Viki had been ill, but she had not been around Viki very much when she was sick and she had no real concept of what DID does to a person in the process of trying to save them.

"Viki," Bo began, "just like I told Kevin, the law needs to handle this. Sam has to be made to understand that. I know his first instinct will be to go after that bastard and any of the others that did this to his kid. I'd feel exactly the same way. What Sam has to realize is that if he's cooling his heels in a jail cell, he is not going to be helping Todd or Razor or any of them. If Garret or any of the others that abused prisoners are still at Statesville or out there somewhere, we have to handle this by the book. We don't want this to get thrown out of court."

"Bo's right Mom. God, I'd love to find this guy and pound his head into the wall, but Bo is right. We need to give the law a chance to punish him first."

"Where is Sam?" T�a asked.

Viki wiped another tear from her cheek. "He went out. For a walk I guess. He didn't say where he was going. He needs to be called. Oh Lord. Sam's already so upset."

"Maybe you should wait until Susannah gets this drug reaction thing under control before you call him," Bo suggested. He was afraid Sam would make things worse for everyone if he came back right now. Then Bo realized how he'd feel if it were his child in that room. "Nah, forget I said that. Sam has a right to know what's going on with his kid."

**************

Blair had returned to her office after a meeting with Briggs and the heads of the various departments of the Sun. She was pleased with what each of them had to say and pleased with herself. The Sun was doing very well, financially. It was beating the Banner in sales on an almost daily basis. It's advertising revenue was way up. Blair managed to keep Todd's style of "take no prisoners" reporting going in his absence. She wanted to do this for Todd. She wanted to keep the Sun successful for him. Blair felt extreme guilt when she thought about the way that she tried to help Ian Armitage and Max take Todd's beloved paper from him. She realized that she would have also taken away Starr's legacy. Blair also felt a certain pride in her success with the Sun. It made her feel like she had found a part of herself she thought she had lost. After years of trying to live off of some man's money, even if she had to lie, scam and cheat to get it, she was finally back to being the self-sufficient woman she was when she first came to Llanview. She was taking care of herself, her daughter, her mother, and Todd's newspaper and she was doing it on her own, utilizing her mind and her talent instead of her body. She was making an honest living and it felt good. She felt she was finally someone Starr could look up to.

Blair was also very happy to have a job that enabled her to take her mind off of Todd for a few hours a day. After her last encounter with Todd, Blair was more worried than ever. Todd was so angry with her. She could still feel his fingers pressing into her cheeks. Even when he was this ill, that side of Todd still frightened her. They're all turning him against me, Blair thought to herself. Blair's eyes blazed with fury when she thought about T�a being there with Todd, being thought of as a daughter by Viki, and being allowed to do God knows what to Todd by Doctor Hanen and the rest of the staff. T�a and Kevin both, Blair thought.

Blair was gathering her things and getting ready to leave when Lou buzzed her and told her Sam Rappaport wanted to see her.

"Sam, what's wrong?" Blair asked the second he stepped into her office. She was frightened. She knew Sam wouldn't be there unless there was a problem. On top of that, Sam looked worse than when she last saw him.

Sam got right to the point. "I want you to tell me again why you think Todd is right about the Buchanans paying Susannah to do this to him."

"What?" Sam's seemingly urgent need to know this frightened Blair even more. "Has something happened to Todd?" Blair's voice was tinged with panic.

"When isn't something happening to Todd?" Sam responded.

"Sam! Tell me what happened!" Blair was getting more frantic.

"Can't you give me a straight answer! Tell me exactly why you believe Bo and Nora and the rest of them are doing this to Todd. What proof do you have?"

Blair walked over to Sam and gently placed her hand on his upper arm. She spoke to him softly. "Sam, please, you're scaring me. Will you sit down and tell me what's going on?"

Sam stared into Blair's eyes for a moment. His body seemed to shudder slightly. Sam wearily lowered himself onto the couch.

"Can I get you some coffee or a drink or something?"

Sam shook his head.

Blair sat next to him. "Please tell me. Did something else happen to Todd?"

"He's been on an emotional roller coaster for the past couple of days. You know. You saw how he was when you were with him the other day."

"Is he still trying to get you and Viki to send him away?" Blair asked.

"He seemed to be feeling better about things. Then he had a nightmare and he lost it. He locked himself in the bathroom and scalded himself with a hot shower and clawed deep scratches into himself with his fingernails. They had to sedate and restrain him."

Blair felt like she'd been kicked in the stomach. "What! He . . . how . . . oh my God! How . . . how could he lock himself in the bathroom? There are no locks on the bathroom door that the patients can use."

"He . . . or another alter . . . I don't know . . . no one knows . . . a chair . . . he shoved a chair under the handle. He . . ." Sam's voice trailed off.

"Where the hell was the staff? I thought they were supposed to be with him all the time."

"One of the techs was right outside the door. He wasn't fast enough. At least that's what they told us."

Blair immediately picked up on the last thing Sam said. "You think they deliberately let him hurt himself?"

"No . . . I . . . I . . . I don't know what to think. Bo and Nora were there."

"Bo and Nora were with him when he hurt himself?"

"No! They were with Susannah. They were there to see him."

Sam wasn't making much sense. Blair tried to remain calm. She tried to get Sam to focus. "Nora and Bo came to visit Todd. Why? Nora hates Todd. So does Bo."

"Todd wanted to see Nora."

"Sam, that doesn't make sense. Todd knows how much Nora hates him. Why would he want to see her and why was Bo there."

"He thought because she hates him she'd get him out of the hospital. Susannah thinks he also wants to . . . I don't know . . . confront Nora about what happened between them, or something like that. Supposedly Bo was there for Nora's peace of mind. I don't know! When you told Todd you couldn't help him get out of the hospital, he decided he wanted Nora to be his lawyer instead of me. I know it's not just that. I know he wants to cut me out of his life. Not that I blame him. He knows I did this to him."

"Did what? I thought you just said you thought the Buchanans and Doctor Hanen were doing this to him?"

"Not this! Not what happened today! Damn it Blair! Are you listening to me!"

Blair took a deep breath. "I'm listening to you. You need to slow down. Sam, you're not making sense. What did you do to him?"

"Thank you Blair, but you don't have to spare my feelings. You damn well know that Todd would never be this sick if I hadn't turned my back on him when he was a kid. He'd never have hurt Nora in the first place. The Buchanans wouldn't have it in for him. None of this would be happening to him if I'd heard his screams and cries for help. Todd knows this and that's why he's trying to get away and trying to push me out of his life."

Blair thought for a moment. "What about T�a? She acts on Todd's behalf legally, too. Does he want to push her out of his life, too?"

"Yeah . . . well as his lawyer anyway. She was supposed to be watching him. She was lying right next to him in the goddamn bed when I left. She was supposed to keep him safe and she didn't. None of them did."

Blair felt bile rise in her throat. "T�a was in bed with Todd?"

Sam was too wrapped up in his own guilt and terror for Todd to even notice the look of fury in Blair's eyes or think about how hearing this would hurt her.

"Todd wanted T�a to stay with him and hold his hand." Tears formed in Sam's eyes. "He thought she could protect him, just the way he thought I could protect him."

Blair trembled with anger. "T�a did this? Is that what you're saying? She got into Todd's bed pretending to comfort him and she did or said something that upset him so much that he hurt himself?"

"No, T�a wasn't there."

Blair brought her hand to her mouth and pulled on her lips. She tried to stay calm and patient. "I thought you said T�a was in bed with Todd."

"She was. She left him. She said she'd keep him safe . . . keep the nightmares away . . . she left him."

"She walked out on him? And what does any of this have to do with Bo and Nora?" Blair was beginning to wonder if Sam was even capable of telling her what really happened.

"She had an appointment with her doctor?"

"T�a?" Blair couldn't follow Sam's disjointed speech.

"Yes, T�a! She had a follow-up appointment with Doctor Anderson. She said Todd wanted her to go. He was worried about her head injury. She could have gone later, after Viki and I were there. She shouldn't have left him . . . unless . . . unless she's part . . . NO! T�a loves Todd. She loves him with all hear heart and soul she'd never . . ." Sam's voice trailed off again. "I'll take that drink if you've got it."

Blair knew the last thing Sam needed right now was alcohol, but she wanted him to try to pull himself together enough to tell her what was going on. "What would you like?"

"Anything. I don't care!" Sam snapped.

Blair poured Sam a Scotch straight. She handed it to him and sat next to him again. Sam drank it down quickly.

"Sam, do you think T�a is working with Bo and Nora and probably Kevin, to hurt Todd?" Blair asked when Sam just sat there and didn't say anything further.

"I-I don't . . . no . . . no . . . I . . ." Sam took a deep breath. "Todd asked to see Nora. T�a didn't ask her to come to the hospital. Anyway, Nora promised she wouldn't see Todd today. Susannah said the same thing. Todd went through too much today. Nora and Bo were going to leave the hospital. That's why I left. I wouldn't have left Todd again if they were going to see him today. I left yesterday. Viki and I were gone for most of the day and all night. T�a stayed with Todd. She was supposed to watch him. The staff was supposed to watch him. I wasn't there for him." A large tear rolled down Sam's cheek. "Again I wasn't there for him."

"Why were you and Viki away from the hospital for so long?" Blair's question was just that. There was nothing accusatory in her voice. Blair liked Sam. She felt compassion for him. She knew he truly loved Todd. If she could help it, she didn't want to make him feel worse than he did. Blair also knew in her heart that if she had to, she would use Sam's love for Todd to her advantage. She told herself she was doing it for Todd . . . to save him.

"Tom was out. He had made some painful disclosures. Then he had lunch with T�a and Kevin. They made him laugh. He seemed so happy. Todd came out and got upset when he realized T�a and Kevin were physically close to him. Then he and Viki had a long talk. She's the only one who can truly understand some of what Todd is going through. Todd was even cracking jokes. He was tired. He'd been through so much. He asked T�a to go to his room with him. Obviously he wanted the physical comfort of her there. I did come back to the hospital. Viki and I both did. We looked in on Todd. He and T�a were wrapped in each other's arms. They were sound asleep. They looked so happy. Todd was more at peace than I'd seen him . . . ever . . . even before he got so sick. Viki and I went home. We thought it was safe to go home." Sam's lips trembled. "We acted like everything was going to be all right. We even thought about the future . . . we . . ." Sam broke down in tears. He put his face in his hands. "I should have known better. I should have known something would happen. I'm never there for him. I never was. He would cling to me when he was a kid. He tried everything he could think of to keep me from sending him back into that house. Now he needed me again and I wasn't there for him."

Blair bit her lip to keep herself from crying. It wasn't Sam's pain that was triggering those tears. It was her own. Hearing that Todd asked T�a to be with him, perhaps even asking her to lie next to him and hold him was almost more than Blair could bear. It had been years since Todd wanted any kind of physical closeness from Blair, even a hug. Blair knew Todd only turned to her now when he thought she could help him. He turned to her for things he thought the others in his life were too good for, especially T�a. If Todd needed someone to do something underhanded, illegal, or hurtful to others, Blair was always the one he would turn to. There were even times when Todd asked Blair to prostitute herself for him. Now that Blair had these many months to think of the past, she knew that Todd was not to blame for thinking of her that way. Her actions and the way she had led her life and the things she had done to Todd and many others gave him every reason to think what he did.

Blair prayed she'd get a chance to prove to Todd that she had changed. She remembered every horrible thing she had done to him from the beginning of their relationship. She believed all she needed was the chance to make it up to him and he would love her again. She also believed she'd never get a chance to do this as long as T�a was in the way. Blair told herself that if Todd were well, she could try to get him to see how sorry she was for all the times she turned on him and deliberately tried to hurt him. Blair sometimes didn't understand what drove her to do all that she did to Todd and to everyone else. She'd go into therapy if necessary. She'd get Todd a decent therapist and get one for herself, if that's what it took to get her family back. Sam was her link to this. He was the only one, besides Dorian, who was able to see some of the things she saw. "Yes. Viki loves Todd dearly, but she's blind to what T�a and the others are doing to him. I'm doing this for Todd, for Todd and my little girl. Sam will be better off too. If Todd gets well, so will Sam. Sam will be grateful to me. Unlike Viki, he'll be happy to see Todd back with Starr and me," Blair said to herself.

Blair rubbed Sam's back. "Todd knows you love him. He knows you want to help him. Someday he'll realize you and I were the only ones that really wanted to help him."

"Viki would die for that boy. She loves him more than anyone in her life."

"I know that. Sam, I know that. Viki loves Todd as if he were her child. That doesn't mean she knows what's best for him. I've told you over and over. Viki can't be objective about Kevin or T�a and certainly not about Doctor Hanen. She credits her with saving her sanity. The big difference is that Doctor Hanen's sister didn't hate Viki. She never tried to get Viki sent to jail. You know what Bo and Nora have tried to do to Todd. For God's sake Sam, they tried to send him to jail for Rachel's crime."

"You tried too, Blair!"

Sam's words shocked Blair. "I tried to help Todd. I wrote articles trying to show this whole damn town that Bo was the one . . ."

"You broke into Todd's desk and stole those gloves that he used when he carried Georgie out to the woods. You turned them over to Max Holden to use against Todd. Max! A low life bastard that tried to hurt Todd every chance he got. When Max tried to bash Todd's brains in at the lodge, it was Max's safety you were worried about. You ran to Max to see if he was okay. You didn't care if Todd had been hurt or not."

Blair was truly hurt. She was hurt by the truth in Sam's words and by the fact that he'd throw all of that in her face. "Okay. Okay! I did terrible things to Todd. Todd hurt me, too. He took my child, then he walked away from me. Shortly after he won custody of Starr I waited for him in the park." Blair looked away from Sam. The memory of this was still painful to her. "Todd had reason to believe that I might have been willing to try again, and he chose T�a! When it had absolutely nothing to do with getting Starr back, it was still T�a he chose over me, over me!" Blair looked and sounded like she still couldn't believe it. "Todd left me sitting on that park bench, crying. He chose T�a, Sam! He didn't just want her to help him get Starr back. He had already won custody of Starr and when he had the choice between the two of us, he still wanted T�a!" Blair remembered telling Todd that she wished they were back in that ballroom with those gold balloons all around them. It hit her, right there in that park, that this was no longer Todd's wish. His wish was a life with T�a. "I was angry with him. I wanted to hurt him. Can't you understand that Sam?"

"You hurt him even before that, Blair. I don't know many of the details of your relationship with Todd. From what I do understand you lied to him from the beginning and you never put him first. You tried to take Starr away from him first. Maybe he had good reason to choose T�a?"

"Why are you doing this?" Blair looked Sam in the eye and began to cry.

"Because I know. Maybe I'm more like you than you think. I never put Todd first either. Maybe neither of us are good enough to be with him? Maybe it's too late for both of us?"

"Don't you dare lay your guilt trip on me!" Blair proclaimed furiously. She thought for a second. She wiped the tears off her face with a fast and angry swipe. "Yes, I did horrible things to Todd. Don't you think I'm sorry? Don't you think I regret them every minute of every day? You of all people should understand that, Sam. If I could take it all back and do everything differently I would. Wouldn't you? Don't you wish you could have a chance to make up to Todd for everything?"

Sam stared into space for a few moments. Then he turned his gaze back to Blair. He tried to swallow away the lump in his throat. Finally Sam nodded. A part of him identified with Blair. "I would give anything if I could make it up to him. That doesn't mean we're good for him. That doesn't mean that we won't hurt him again and again, even if we try to make it up to him. Maybe that's all we can do, Blair, hurt him?"

Blair looked into Sam's troubled blue eyes. "What if we are right Sam? What if Todd was right all along and they are doing this to him. Look, I know Todd is mentally ill. I know what his childhood was like. How do you know that they aren't using his illness to make it seem like he's much sicker than he is, just to make him suffer? They couldn't send him to prison, so this is how they're getting their payback. Okay, we may be wrong. What about Todd? He always had good instincts. Sure he sounded paranoid when he thought everyone was out to get him, but he was right! Most of the time he was right. He was right about being set up by Powell. He was right about the Buchanans trying to pin Georgie's murder on him. He was even right about me trying to get him when I tried to take the Sun away from him. There! I admit it. I know what I did. Todd knew it too. He was right. Are you willing to take that chance Sam? Are you willing to walk out of Todd's life and leave him with no one to protect him now that he can't protect himself?"

Sam sat silently for a couple of minutes.

Blair said nothing. She prayed silently that she got through to him.

Finally Sam turned back to Blair and asked, "Tell me what proof you have that all of them are trying to hurt Todd and using Susannah to do it."

"I don't have any right now. I . . ."

Sam got up and walked to the window.

Blair followed him. She rested her hand on his shoulder. "I'll get the proof. If it's out there, I'll get it. Sam, I swear that to you. If anyone is doing this to Todd, I'll get the poof."

"Todd still wants to see Nora. She'll probably be back," Sam stated.

"Then you make sure you're with Todd when he sees her. Or you make sure Viki is in the room. God only knows what Nora and Bo might do to him if they get him alone."

"Todd is never left alone. You know that. There would be staff with him."

"The way the staff was with him when he burned and hurt himself?" Blair reminded Sam.

Sam stared out the window.

"What if they're in on it? The staff seems nice enough and caring enough, but what if some of them are in on it? How much can they earn? Most of them have young kids, kids they want to put through college and buy nice things for. I'm not saying that's the case. All I'm saying is that Todd has managed to hurt himself many times while this wonderful staff or Doctor Hanen herself was with him." Blair didn't think of this as playing with Sam's already fragile mind. She thought of it as saving Todd. There was also a part of her believed it could be true. Blair had lived most of her life doing horrible things for money, things that made her cringe with shame and disgust in herself when she thought about them. Nevertheless, she justified everything she did because she believed it was the only way. She didn�t have enough faith in herself to try other ways. Blair realized that between the time she left Llanview and came back again, after Viki and Sloan found her, she had lost confidence in her intelligence. She has lost much of the backbone she once had. She prayed that she'd find that Blair again someday. She sometimes wondered if others that knew her felt the same way. It was difficult for Blair to believe that everyone wasn't as capable of doing equally vile and disgusting things if they felt that was the only way to get what they want or need.

"Nora and Bo said they wouldn't see Todd today. Susannah said she didn't want them too," Sam repeated. "I'll make sure to be there if they come back tomorrow or the next day," Sam vowed.

Blair squeezed Sam's shoulder. "I know you will Sam. You'll get the chance to make it all up to Todd. You'll be there for him now, when he needs you so desperately. You'll protect him from all of them. If you can find a way, you'll keep all of them away from him, including T�a," Blair spat out her name. When Sam looked at Blair suspiciously, she quickly added, "And Kevin too of course. Chances are he's in on it too."

Sam took a deep breath. His color looked bad.

"Are you okay?" Blair asked.

"I just need some fresh air. I'll take a walk before I go back to the hospital. It's not like Todd wants me around there anyway, and I'm probably making things worse for Viki."

Blair turned so that she was facing Sam. "Todd loves you very much. He wants you to be the good father he never had. I know once Todd is not under . . ." Blair searched for a way to say it that would get her message across without making Sam turn on her. She found the words and continued, "Under harmful influence, he will give you the chance to be the kind of father to him that you want to be and you'll have the chance to make up for everything. I know that's what you want Sam, and what you need. It's also what Todd needs."

"Is it? Is it, Blair? Or does Todd only think of the man who sent him back into that house to be tortured, day after day? Does he think of all the years I never contacted him because my feelings got hurt? Does he wonder if he'd never have raped anyone or committed any crimes or gone to jail if I'd been there for him? Todd had three fathers in his life and each of us contributed in our own way to the man Todd became."

"Victor Lord didn't care about Todd. Peter Manning hated him. They were both sadistic bastards. There is no way they could have ever made up for what they did. You can Sam. If you had Todd . . . well, more to yourself . . . out of that hospital where heaven knows what they're making him think and feel . . . if you and Todd lived away from those that might be turning Todd against you, you could have your chance Sam. I know that you would be able to make everything up to Todd and be a real father to him. You could give him what he's been looking for all his life."

Sam stared at Blair for a few moments. A part of him wanted to believe her. Another part of him was afraid that he would believe her. "I need some air," Sam stated.

"Okay, you take a nice long walk. I'm sure you'll feel better when you've had a chance to think about some of the things we discussed." Blair walked Sam to the door. Before he left, she added, "I think I'll drop by the hospital later. I waited these couple of days to give Todd a chance to calm down." What Blair didn't say was that she couldn't bear the thought of Todd reminding her of some of the ways she hurt him again. Blair wanted Todd to get it all back, all his faculties, but there was a part of her that wished Todd could forget every rotten thing she'd ever done to him.

*************

The baby's rash had not intensified. In fact it had eased some. The medication was helping. The Elocon cream relived the itch enough to keep him from scratching, so there was no need for mitt restraints. The baby was acting a little hyper. Instead of the Benadryl making him sleepy, it was having an effect of paradoxical excitation.

Frank and Angelo helped situate the baby in Viki's arms as she sat on the bed with him. He was swaddled snugly in a blanket. It was giving him security and protecting Viki, should another alter suddenly emerge in an agitated state. Rolled up blankets on either side of Viki, for her arms to rest on, helped her hold his upper body. Viki rocked him and sang softly to him. It calmed him and got an occasional smile out of him. Viki tenderly kissed the baby's forehead every few minutes. She fed him. He was obviously hungry and drank almost two bottles of Similac. Viki was worried about Sam. She had not been able to reach him on his cell phone. He said he was going to turn it on. Viki didn't know that Sam had let the battery run down. Sam could not remember to do many of the routine things he had always done.

Bo and Nora waited at the hospital. They wanted to be there when Sam came back. Nora wanted to face whatever Sam was going to dish out and get it over with. Bo wanted to do his best to calm Sam, if Sam's initial reaction to what Razor told them was what he thought it would be. T�a and Kevin went to the cafeteria to get everyone some coffee and something to eat.

After trying to bring Todd or another adult or one of the older child alters to the front several more times, Susannah headed for her office to write up her notes on what had transpired. She told the staff to let her know the second Sam returned or if there were any changes with the baby.

Bo was using the phone at the nurses� station. If Garret were still a guard or in any kind of position that would allow him to abuse prisoners, Bo wanted to know it, now.

Nora felt a strong need she didn't understand. She needed to see the baby again. She needed to see with her own eyes that he was all right. She kept telling herself it was guilt or perhaps morbid fascination. She could not admit that she was deeply concerned about this child. She could also not admit that she felt an attachment to him, an attachment she could only describe as a maternal bond. This was not something Nora wanted to feel for any part of Todd.

Nora saw that Bo was still on the phone. She quietly walked over to Todd's room and slowly opened the door. She peered in. Nora�s eyes filled with tears at the sight of Viki holding the baby. He had finally fallen asleep a few minutes before Nora looked in on him. The blanket had been loosened. He sucked his thumb as he slept. Nora noticed again how young and innocent the baby's face looked. She noticed a roundness about it that was not evident in Todd's face and was not as prominent in Timmy's or Adam's.

Viki noticed Nora and placed her finger to her lips.

Nora nodded. She understood.

"Let us take him from you," Angelo whispered to Viki.

Frank and Angelo worked as a team and gently removed the baby from Viki's arms so she could get up. Tenderly, they laid him on the bed.

The baby made a small sound and turned over on his stomach. He continued to suck his thumb as he slept peacefully.

Viki stroked his head and kissed it. She then headed for Nora.

"Rachel could turn over at that age too," Nora said before she realized what she was saying. "I'm sorry. I know it's not the same thing. This is all new to me. Please forgive me in advance for any stupid remarks I make."

**************

Viki smiled and took Nora's arm. She walked her out of the room and back to the lounge. "In some ways it really is the same thing. Developmentally, the baby is about five months old. Susannah hopes to help him age in an accelerated way."

Nora stared at Viki. "You mean overnight he can just become Todd's age?"

Viki smiled and shook her head. "No, nothing that dramatic. It will take a long time for the alters to age, but hopefully not as long as it would a typical child. The closer in age to Todd the alters become, the easier it will be for them to integrate. Each of them needs to work through his or her own issues at his or her own developmental level and each of them needs the nurturing they never received. Eventually they will give all the love they feel back to Todd when they become a part of him again. I'm not sure what Susannah has in mind for the baby. The only time he was out for long, he was very sick." Lips that trembled in an attempt to hold her tears at bay replaced Viki's smile. "The baby got pneumonia shortly after he first came out. Todd's body was in a very weakened condition then and this very young alter had even less resistance to things. We thought we were going to lose him. They even asked me to sign a DNR order."

Nora took Viki's hand. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you and Sam and T�a and everyone have gone though such anguish over these past months. I'm sorry that baby had to suffer that way too."

"He was unconscious for most of it," Viki stated and then asked, "Nora, I'm very happy to see that you have compassion for some of the alters. What about Todd? Does your compassion extend to Todd?"

Nora took a deep breath. "I'm working on it."

Viki squeezed Nora's hand. "Thank you. I can't ask for more than that."

**************

CHAPTER 120

TO BE CONTINUED �

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