PREVIOUSLY

Téa closed her eyes when she felt Todd's lips on hers. Everything Todd couldn't allow his mind to feel was in his kiss. Téa felt love in his full sweet lips . . . the same lips she would dream about in her sleep. She also felt desperation. Todd's kissed her so hard she could feel pressure on her teeth, from his. When his tongue reached deep into Téa's mouth, she felt as if her skin were melting.

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"Oh God! Oh God! Todd!" Blair cried out and tried to rush to Todd's side. Jeff blocked her way. "Let them work on him," he said gently. He saw that Blair was about to lose it.

"I didn't mean him. He thinks I was saying he was disgusting. He thinks I said the things his mother did. I have to let him know I didn't mean it," Blair cried hysterically.

"Blair, Todd won't be able to hear you. You need to sit down and calm yourself. Susannah and the nurses need room to work on Todd," Jeff explained calmly.

"She's there!" Blair pointed to Téa.

"She's off to the side and not in the way," Jeff explained.

Blair turned around and faced Sam, Viki and Kevin. Their faces were frozen in fear. Their eyes never left Todd. "It's not my fault," Blair whispered. She burst into tears again and buried her face in her hands. Jeff helped her to a chair.

"Eighty over fifty," Eileen called out.

"Pulse one twenty-five," Nancy said.

Terry came running back with some pillows and blankets. She and Susannah quickly placed the pillows under Todd's legs and covered him with the blankets.

"Get an IV started," Susannah ordered. "Normal saline. One liter."

Frank knelt down next to Téa. Her eyes were closed. She was on her knees, rocking back and forth, still saying some of the prayers she learned as a small girl. Frank placed his hand on Téa's shoulder. "Come with me. Let's go sit down," he said softly and gently.

Téa looked into Frank’s kind blue eyes. "Please don't let him die," she whispered.

"He's not going to die. Téa, it's going to be okay. Todd is in shock. He's being taken care of."

"His heart? Will this hurt his heart? The doctors said his heart is not as strong as it was." Téa's voice trembled.

Frank knew that Todd was slightly more at risk of going into cardiac arrest than a patient his age with a perfectly healthy heart would be. "He's being watched closely. If he gets into trouble, we're ready. I don't think it will come to that. Téa." Frank held his hand out.

Téa took another look at Todd and then she took Frank's hand and let him help her up. Téa felt dizziness wash over her for a moment. Frank put his arm around her waist. "I'm okay. I'm okay," Téa claimed.

Frank led Téa to a chair and once again knelt down to be at eye level with her. "Do you want me to have Doctor Anderson paged?"

"No! I'm not leaving!"

"Would you like me to call down to radiology and tell them you'll need a later appointment?" Frank asked.

"Yes, please! Thank you, Frank." Tears trickled down Téa's cheeks.

Frank gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I'll do that right now. Please try to stay calm. I know how frightened you are, but it won't do you or Todd any good if you get yourself sick again."

Téa nodded. She turned her eyes back to Todd.

"What's his pressure?" Susannah asked.

"Still eighty over fifty, it's not coming up," Eileen stated.

"Pulse is up, one-thirty," Nancy called out.

"Get the attending from cardiology up here. Have Doctor Williams paged," Susannah directed. She turned back to Todd. She held Todd's hand with her left hand. It was still cold and clammy. She stroked his head with her right hand. "Todd, you're safe!" Susannah spoke loudly. She hoped some part of his brain was able to hear her. "You're safe! You had a flashback. It was just a memory. No one hurt you now. Your father and mother are not here. There is no big knife. There is no knife, Todd. It was a memory. It's not happening now. You are not stabbed. There's no blood. You're able to breathe just fine. Honey. You’re not stabbed. That happened a long time ago. Your mom loved you. She was upset with your father for what he had done to you and for what he made you do, not with you. Your mom hated herself for letting your dad hurt you. She didn't know how to save you and she became desperate. That's why she thought of sending you away. She wanted to save you. She wasn't strong enough to do it, so she thought about getting you out of harm's way. She never thought you were disgusting. Your family is here, Todd. They are all very afraid for you right now. That's because they all love you so much. They need you, Todd. They need you to be with them and they need your love."

Hearing Susannah's words caused Blair to cry even harder. She placed her face in her hands and wept loudly.

Jeff, who had been standing by her, in case he was needed, asked, "Blair, can I get you some water?"

Blair shook her head. "I didn't mean to hurt him. I wasn't talking about him. I'd never think that about Todd. I didn't think about what I was saying. Doctor Hanen and Viki told me about what happened the day Andy was stabbed and what Andy heard his mother say." Her fingers muffled her voice. "Oh God! I didn't think. I didn't think!" Blair waved her hands in the air as she said that and then cried into them again.

For a moment, both Blair and Téa looked up. Their eyes met. Blair looked daggers at Téa. She believed with all her heart that Téa's feelings for Todd were an act. The compassion Téa had felt for Blair a second ago vanished when she saw the hatred.

Kevin had been holding his arm tightly around Viki's trembling body as they stood near the nurses' station. Viki watched silently. Even though he was terrified himself, Kevin whispered reassuring words to his mother about Todd's ability to survive and his inner strength.

Sam stood off in a corner. His jaw was tightly clenched and his eyes never left Todd. At the same time, Sam felt removed from the situation, as if he were watching it happen on a T.V. or movie screen.

"His pulse is down . . . one-ten," Nancy said with some relief in her voice.

"His pressure's coming up, too . . . ninety over fifty-five," Eileen added.

"That's the way, Todd. Come on. You're safe. You're not hurt now. That was a long, long time ago. No one is angry now. There is no yelling and no knife. Everyone here is very proud of you and wants you with them. Téa is not angry with you. There’s no anger, Todd, not from anyone. No one will hurt you. You did nothing wrong. Blair feels very sad because she accidentally said something that upset you. Viki and Sam are so worried about you. They all need you to come back to them. Todd. I need you to pull yourself back to us and open your eyes." Susannah noticed his skin was becoming dryer and slightly warmer.

Kevin noticed Susannah said nothing to Todd about him being there. He knew he shouldn't feel that way, but his feelings were hurt. He was as frightened for Todd as everyone else. More so, he was terrified for Timmy and Adam. He knew that whatever happens physically to Todd happens to them, too.

Todd moaned softly.

"Open your eyes, Todd," Susannah directed.

The attending from cardiology rushed onto the unit as soon as he was buzzed in. He headed straight for Todd. "What do we have?"

"Severe psychogenic shock. He's starting to come out of it though." Susannah went on to fill him in on Todd's history.

The young resident listened carefully to Todd's heart. "Sounds good to me. Let's do an ECG on him as soon as he can be moved to a bed. How's his pressure?" he asked Eileen.

"Ninety-six over sixty. It's coming up nicely."

Todd's eyes opened. He stared into Susannah's eyes. She immediately knew this wasn't Todd. Whoever it was looked confused and disoriented.

"Hi. It's okay. You're safe. No one here will hurt you. My name is Susannah Hanen. I'm your doctor. You're in a hospital. You've had a problem, but you're going to be fine now. You need to stay still for a few minutes."

"Okay," he whispered. He looked around. "Okay," he said again. His voice was flat and detached. He did not sound like a young child.

Todd's entire family said silent prayers of thanks. They all knew better than to rush to him. They allowed Susannah to access him.

"We need to take your blood pressure and pulse. It doesn't hurt to do that. Will you let us do that?"

"Yes," he responded calmly.

Once again they took his vitals, before they allowed him to move.

"BP is great. One-twenty over eighty," Eileen announced. Since Todd's and many of the alters' pressure ran a little low normally, this typical reading was a little surprising.

"Pulse is great, too. Seventy-two and regular." Nancy added.

"You can move him to a bed. Do an ECG on him and I'll be back to check the results," the attending from cardiology said. He headed off the unit.

"You can sit up if you like," Eileen told this alter.

He pulled the blankets off of himself. He made no attempt to wrap a blanket around himself, so apparently he did not have Todd's physical or emotional need for a blanket. He followed directions. He sat up. He made no attempt to stand. He only did what he was told.

"Do you have a name?" Susannah asked.

He looked around again. "Where's my father?" he asked. He didn't identify himself. There was no fear or panic in his voice when he asked about his father. It remained void of emotion.

"Do you mean Peter Manning?" Susannah wanted to be sure.

"Yes," he responded flatly.

Instinctively Susannah knew it would be all right to tell this one. "Your dad died several years ago. He had a heart attack."

"Oh," he said in the same detached way.

"Todd would know that his father is dead, so I don't think you're Todd. Do you have a name?" Susannah tried again.

"He's dead. I guess I can say it now." He would make brief eye contact with Susannah and then look away and stare off into space. He did not seem to be able to make prolonged emotional contact. "My name is Ritchie."

Susannah and the others were surprised. They heard that Ritchie had come out after Todd's body had recovered from the stab wound. From what they understood, he only came out when Peter went back to molesting Todd. They knew little about him other than one of the alters referring to him as behaving like a robot . . . void of emotions. This was the first time he'd been out since Todd had been hospitalized. Susannah thought he'd be much younger . . . six, like Andy.

"Hello, Ritchie. It's very nice to meet you. Can you tell me how old you are?"

"Seventeen."

"Do you remember how old Todd was when you first came out?" Susannah thought perhaps there were two alters named Ritchie. However, the Ritchie that had been mentioned would have been tied to this trauma.

"Six. Todd was six," he answered.

"How old were you when you first came out?"

"Six."

They realized Ritchie was one of the few alters who aged within the system.

"Thank you for answering my questions, Ritchie. You did a good job," Susannah praised him.

There was no response. Not even a smile.

"Ritchie," Susannah asked. "Do you feel dizzy or short of breath or sick in any way?"

He paused for a moment to evaluate himself. "No," he answered.

Susannah motioned Frank and Angelo over. "This is Frank," Susannah pointed. "And this is Angelo. They're going to help you up and take you to your room. Is that okay?"

"Yes." He stared straight ahead as he answered.

After checking again to see if standing made him lightheaded or caused any kind of irregular heartbeat, Angelo and Frank took him to lie down in his room. They would do an ECG on him as soon as he was settled.

Susannah told them all there would be a debriefing in her office a little later, after Ritchie had been examined and the ECG had been done. Susannah made a point of asking Blair to please stay for it.

When the ECG was done, Doctor Williams arrived to examine Ritchie. He studied the results of the ECG, so there was no need for the young resident to return at this time. They were all relieved when he told them there had been no change since Todd's last ECG or exam. He didn't feel an echo was absolutely necessary. However, Viki insisted and Todd was scheduled for one.

Surprisingly, Ritchie had no reaction the exam. He showed no fear or anxiety. He followed direction and answered the doctor's questions with a "yes, sir" or "no, sir." When Terry told him he needed to eat and drink something, he replied "okay." He had no preference in choice of food or beverage and willingly ate the broth, grilled cheese sandwich, Jell-O and ginger ale that was brought to him. He ate at a reasonable rate, not slowly and carefully; the way some of the child alters ate. Also unlike the child alters, he did not look around anxiously as he ate . . . expecting some kind of punishment to be handed out by Peter. He stared straight ahead, or off into space. Susannah decided to push it and told him it was time to take his medication. Once again there was no reaction other than an "okay." He willingly took it all and drank all the water in the cup they handed him. When Susannah took the table away, and told him he needed to rest in bed for a while, again he replied with nothing more than another "okay." He turned on his side and laid his head on the pillow. He closed his eyes and within minutes, fell asleep.

********************

Susannah had insisted that Téa be taken to the family lounge to lie down for a while. Frank had managed to get Téa squeezed in for a CT scan at noon. He had called Doctor Anderson and explained the situation and moved Téa's appointment with him, too. Doctor Anderson shook his head when he got off the phone. He was concerned with the poor level of care Téa was giving herself. Sadly, he understood her position. Kevin had gone to the lounge with Téa. Téa protested, but both Viki and Kevin insisted. Viki told Téa she wanted to go in and be with Ritchie and she would not be able to relax unless someone was in the room with her.

Blair glared at Kevin and Téa's backs as they headed for the lounge. She called the penthouse. The nanny told her Starr had eaten a good breakfast. She said Starr's temperature was normal and that she had played "hospital" with her dolls for a while, being a very good doctor to all of them. This had become a favorite game of Starr's since her visit with Todd. She was always a kind and loving doctor to them and she would then give them time in the playroom and a tea party for being such good patients. The visit with Todd and Téa and getting to meet Susannah and the staff had done Starr a world of good. Most of her fears about Todd had been put to rest. The nanny said Starr was now having a nap. Blair was relieved that she didn't have to rush home.

Viki and Sam had gone to sit with Ritchie while he was having his meal. He made little eye contact with them and answered questions with one or two word replies. After a look from Susannah that told them she didn't want them to push him, they told Ritchie they'd be outside if he needed them and they headed to the nearby lounge. Viki asked Sam if he wanted to go to the cafeteria for some coffee or something to eat. Sam shook his head. He had not been much more talkative than Ritchie. Viki had gone down there herself and told Sam she'd bring him back coffee and a bagel with cream cheese. Sam's response had been a noncommittal shrug. Viki lovingly squeezed Sam's shoulder and headed for the cafeteria.

As soon as Blair saw Viki leave, she headed for Sam. "Are you okay?" Blair asked.

Sam answered with a nod and continued to stare ahead.

Blair moved a little closer to Sam. "I hope you know that I was only trying to help Todd."

"I don't think any of us know how to help Todd," Sam replied in a monotone.

Blair saw Sam was still not in good shape. She pushed forward anyway. "Sam, what was going on last night? What was that all about?"

"It was about my deluding myself into thinking that I had these great instincts all these years," Sam answered.

"I don't know what that means," Blair responded.

"It means that everything I think, do, say or believe turns out to be the wrong thing. It means that Todd and Viki might have been better off if I'd never come into their lives."

"Sam! How can you say such a thing? You're like a father to Todd."

"Yeah," Sam laughed sarcastically. "Todd never had much luck with fathers, did he?"

Blair saw that she would get nowhere with Sam when he was like this. She got right to the point. "You came to the penthouse last night because of something to do with Téa and Kevin, didn't you?"

Sam stared into Blair's eyes for a moment. He stood up and walked over to one of the windows that looked out over the city.

Blair followed him. She stood next to him. "Sam, please. Did something happen with Téa and Kevin?"

"Another delusion," Sam muttered.

"What? What are you talking about?" When Sam didn't answer, Blair tried to guess. "You've got something on them, don't you. You wanted to see the pictures of Téa and Kevin. Why? You discovered something. Tell me, Sam! It's important! You know I only want what's best for Todd."

Sam continued to stare, silently, out the window. Blair tried a different approach. "Sam," she whispered. "I saw them together this morning. I saw them waiting for the elevator. Kevin had his arm around her. He was hugging her. Téa put her head on his shoulder. They have no shame! Right downstairs! Here in the hospital!"

"Téa's sick," Sam said more to himself than to Blair.

"What? What do you mean she's sick?"

"She passed out last night. She's having some kind of complication from the fall. Kevin is helping her."

Blair took a moment to process this. "So you're saying her lovey dovey act with Kevin this morning was because she was sick?"

"He was probably helping her walk or balance or something," Sam muttered.

"Who told you that? Doctor Hanen?"

"No, Viki did. Téa was here today to have another CT scan and to see her neurologist."

This was not what Blair wanted to hear or believe. "Sam, I know what I saw. He was hugging her!" Blair was panicking. She felt she was losing Sam's alliance. "Even if she is having some kind of . . . of . . . complications, that doesn't take away what she did to Todd today."

Sam turned around and faced Blair. For the first time his voice had some emotion . . . anger. "What she did! You're the one who said those things. You sounded like his mother! You're the one who sent him into shock!"

Tears formed in Blair's eyes. "I wasn't talking about Todd. You know that, Sam. I was trying to protect him from them. Todd was already in trouble when I got here. I saw him through the door. She was hurting him. He was sitting and rocking himself and she was hovering near him, making it worse. None of you were lifting a finger to help him. You all just stood or sat around letting her do whatever she wanted to him."

"He was starting to come out of it. Téa was talking to him and he was starting to come out of it."

"Come out of what! Some kind of episode that Téa drove him into in the first place!" Blair could not believe Sam was saying this. "I saw what she did. Todd is sick and she's still trying to get into his pants."

Sam glanced at Blair and then looked away. "Todd kissed her. It wasn't Téa. He kissed her."

Blair once again felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. "Was it an alter . . . was it Rodd?"

"No, it was Todd. He had a very hard day. There was a problem when he woke up. I-I . . . I can't talk about it now. You can ask Susannah or Viki what happened. Todd had a breakthrough. He let me hold him and comfort him. Susannah was good with him. Then he found out Téa was here and insisted on seeing her. She helped him. She helped him to talk about things. Todd connected with her. He kissed her and then became upset . . . it was connected to a memory he had . . . he . . ." It was getting harder for Sam to focus and organize his thoughts.

"So what are you saying? You got a hug from Todd and everything's all right with the world? Téa sends Todd into some kind of withdrawal from reality or psychotic episode and then she becomes the hero of the hour for getting him back?"

"Blair it's not . . . maybe I've been wrong about things? Maybe you have, too?"

Panic tightened the muscles in Blair's body. "No, Sam! We haven't been wrong. Don't let them fool you. Todd's life can be at stake. Maybe Téa was sick today. What about all the other times? Was she dizzy when she was standing half-naked in her doorway, hugging Kevin? Was she sick when she and Kevin sat toasting themselves in the park for making a fool out of Todd? What about the way Todd is treated here? What about Adam? Is it suddenly all right for them to drug Todd and tie him down? Is it all right for them to torture Adam to get him to perform like a trained seal? What about Doctor Hanen? I heard she and Nora are not on the outs. They're close! Do you think Nora and the Buchanans have forgotten what Todd did to them and what they think he did to them? Do you think that miserable old bastard, Asa, has forgotten that he almost died because Todd took him hostage?"

Sam faced Blair. "I don't know. I don't know what's true and what's not true anymore. I know Viki loves her brother more than her own life. I know that's true."

"I never said she doesn't. She also loves Kevin, and Téa has managed to convince Viki that she's like some kind of daughter to her or something," Blair said with some jealousy in her voice. Blair would never admit it to herself, but she was not only jealous of Téa's relationship with Todd, but also her relationship with Viki. Blair had never felt close to Viki. Blair always felt threatened by Todd's closeness to Viki and Jess. Blair wanted Todd to herself. She wanted to make sure that she, and then she and Starr would always come first to him. In addition to that, she never truly forgave Viki for not telling her Todd had come back from Ireland or for taking Starr to see him without telling her. She knew Viki had encouraged Todd's marriage to Téa and saw that as betrayal. She also believed that by encouraging his relationship with Téa, Viki was, in part, responsible for her losing Starr to Todd and Téa. Once Todd had come close to death again, and Blair realized that she still loved him and wanted him back, all the anger she felt with him for leaving her because of his need to make things up to Marty and then the kidnapping, and Todd taking Starr away from her, had been transferred to Téa. Rationally she knew that Téa was not in the picture and had no connection to Ireland or the kidnapping. She did not specifically blame her for those events, but took her cumulative anger and placed it on Téa.

Sam squeezed his eyes closed and rubbed his temples. "Blair, I can't talk about this any more right now. I'm not saying you're wrong about everything and I'm not saying you're right. I'm saying I don't know what's true and what's not true anymore. I'm going to the lounge near Susannah's office, if anyone asks. She wants to talk to all of us in a little while anyway." Without another word, Sam left Blair standing there.

Blair nervously sucked on her fingernail. She didn't like the way this was going. "I do want what's right for him. I know they're doing this to him," Blair said, out loud. A vision of Todd lying on the floor going into shock passed through Blair's mind. She shivered. "Baby, it wasn't my fault. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'd never feel that way about you. It's Téa . . . Téa and Kevin . . . they're doing this to you," Blair whispered. Blair decided to sit down near Todd's room. If Ritchie woke up, she wanted to try to get to know him.

********************

When Viki didn't see Sam near Todd's room, when she came back to the unit, she thought he might be waiting near Susannah's office. Blair's back was to Viki and she didn't see her come back. Viki did not approach Blair. She was furious with her and did not want to cause a scene.

Sam smiled feebly when he saw Viki. She sat next to him. She handed him the hot coffee and the bagel. "Thanks," Sam said softly.

Viki smiled back at him. "I love you." She rested her head on Sam's shoulder for a second and then said, "You'd better get to that before the meeting with Susannah starts."

Sam had only eaten half the bagel before he threw it away. Nothing had any taste to him anymore. He did drink all the coffee.

When Sam returned to his seat, Viki linked her arm in his. "I'm so happy that you were in the room with Todd and Andy this morning. They both needed you. They all need you."

Sam didn't respond verbally. Viki saw his eyes well with tears. She snuggled a little closer to him and gave him silent comfort. After another ten minutes had passed, Kevin and Téa came back and joined them as they waited for Susannah. In another few minutes, Susannah approached them. Blair was with her. Susannah saw her when she came out of Todd's room and told her the meeting would start.

******************

Rachel had arrived a few minutes after Susannah asked them all to come to her office with her. As Kevin had guessed, Rachel had a miserable time parking. She finally found a lot that had room, several blocks from the hospital. On her way back, she ran into an old friend from Llanview University she hadn’t seen in years. Rachel knew that Kevin was with Téa and checking her watch had assumed that Téa was already in the process of having the CT scan. She figured she had time to stop and chat for a little while. She thought Téa would be almost through having her scan by now. She was shocked when Terry told her that there had been a problem with Todd and Téa had not even gone down to radiology yet. Rachel knew it must have been something serious.

******************

"Are you sure Todd didn't suffer any damage to his heart?" Viki asked again, as soon as they were all seated.

"Yes. I had some blood drawn on him. They'll do a cardiac enzyme check to make sure there was no MI. We'll repeat the test later today. Please don't worry. I'm having that done more to reassure all of you than because I believe there was any damage to his heart muscle. As Doctor Williams told you, everything checked out fine. Now, I'd like to talk about what happened today."

"Blair's big mouth almost killed Todd. That's what happened." Kevin said angrily.

"How dare you, Kevin! I saw what she was doing to Todd. Thank God I came in when I did." Blair turned to Viki. "How could you allow that? You're supposed to love Todd. How could you let her corner him that way and drive him to such a state?"

Téa started to stand to say something. She felt dizzy and nauseous. She quickly sat back down.

Susannah walked over to Téa and knelt down in front of her. "Take some deep breaths."

"I'm okay," Téa said weakly.

Susannah took Téa's pulse. She looked into her eyes. She patted Téa's arm reassuringly, to let her know that for now, she was all right. Susannah went back to her seat. "Okay, this is what we're going to do. I'm going to tell you what happened to Todd today and you're all going to listen. If you have a question, ask it. There will be no interrupting each other, no accusations, no arguing of any kind. If anyone has a problem with that they can leave now."

They all exchanged glances and then looked away from each other and then sat silently, waiting for Susannah to continue.

Susannah filled them in on what happened with Todd, Andy and Sam.

"This was a good thing?" Téa asked hopefully.

"Yes. It was a very good thing," Susannah concurred. "Todd was able to stay and meet Andy. He was able to comfort him. His co-consciousness is growing. The alters are beginning to break through the walls. Todd has been able to communicate with several of them. He still sees the alters as separate from himself, but that's fine for now. The alters are beginning to share their memories of abuse with Todd and Todd is starting to remember some of it on his own. Shared information is a must. They have to begin sharing the good and the bad memories on their path to integration."

Tears sprang to Kevin's eyes. He still could not handle the thought of Timmy and Adam being gone or different from the way they are now. It would be like losing his child all over again. Guilt washed over him. I'm such a selfish prick, Kevin thought to himself. He said nothing out loud. He was too ashamed of himself to allow anyone else to hear.

"Todd thought Peter was wrong for hurting Andy that way," Viki stated.

"Todd is taking steps toward placing the blame where it belongs. That's very good. Right now he still believes that he deserved what Peter did to him and that it was his fault. Peter made sure to ingrain that deep into Todd's mind. However, by seeing that Andy is an innocent victim of Peter's, he is on a path to understanding that he was an innocent victim as well. I feel that Todd and Andy are ready to participate in some sexual education."

"What?" Sam did not like the idea of this.

"It won't be anything more than they can handle and it will be based on their developmental levels. When Todd has flashbacks about what happened, he tends to regress to the specific age of the incident. He recovers quickly and that's good, but he may need things explained to him on a very basic level, the same as Andy does. Eventually, we will have to do sexual education with all of them, concentrating on the alters that were sexually abused. That would include Lisa, Sarah, Timmy, Ritchie, Storm, Brina, Angel, and Pete."

"Pete? You think he was sexually abused?" Kevin asked.

"Yes. I'm sorry to say, I do."

Kevin looked down. He didn't know what to say. He never suspected.

"What kind of things would sexual education cover?" Téa asked.

"The way Todd and the alters perceive their bodies, their ideas about sex and sexual behavior, what they've been taught and by whom. We'll start with the early things Todd and the alters were taught about sex and what ideas they picked up on their own because of what was done to them. None of them ever got the chance for their sexuality to develop in a normal way. They were introduced to sex at an extremely young age . . . cruel, sadistic, violent, humiliating, totally inappropriate sex. They need to go back to the beginning and relearn sex in a healthy way. All he’s been through has affected Todd’s sexuality negatively. When you add to that the guilt and shame Todd, Andy, and probably some of the others feel because they craved some of the good feelings, like love, emotional and physical affection, attention, and at times pleasant physical sensations, you have a very confused young man and some very confused children. Even some of the adult alters, like Carol, have no real concept of relationships. She believes all wives are abused. Then there is Todd and Pete's fear of intimacy. They have to learn not to confuse intimacy issues with sexual issues. As the alters are helped with their sexual development, Todd will be helped once they are a part of him again. I think it would be best for Frank and Dave to do some of the education with them. Todd and many of the alters feel close to them and may feel more comfortable talking with men."

"I don't understand this," Blair began. "Since I'm the only one in this room who actually had sex with Todd, I think I'm the best judge of this." Blair looked smugly at Téa. "When Todd was with me, he didn't have problems performing sexually. Starr is proof of that!"

"Blair, since you brought this up, am I correct in assuming that you've had sex with men other than Todd?" Susannah asked.

Blair glared at Susannah. "Yes," she answered defiantly.

"I'm not by any means saying that all men are the same in the way they have sex, but were there some problems with Todd that you didn't experience with other men you had sex with?" Susannah probed.

"Todd was a little more nervous than other men had been. He was shy. It was that damn Marty Saybrooke. She made him become afraid of himself and what he would do to a woman. She wanted to make sure he punished himself for the rest of his life for what he did to her."

"In what way was Todd more nervous and shy than other men?" Susannah queried.

Blair looked down. She thought back to their first time together, her Christmas present to Todd. "He was very awkward. He started to get aggressive and then became frightened when I tried to slow him down. He didn't seem to know how to approach me in a . . ." Blair took a deep breath. She hated to say it. "In a normal way. Todd felt horrible about his behavior. He moved away from me and started apologizing. I thought we both needed to get ourselves together, so I took him to my place. I was staying at my Aunt Dorian's penthouse at the time. Once we got there, he was able to . . . I mean we . . ." Blair's voice trailed off. She was suddenly uncomfortable talking about this.

"Was Todd aggressive this time?" Susannah asked.

Blair looked at her and then looked down. "No. I was the aggressor," Blair admitted.

"How did Todd behave?" Susannah pressed.

Blair was quiet for a few moments, as she let herself remember that long ago winter night. "He was timid. He was still not comfortable . . . nervous . . . he was still nervous." Blair was sorry she brought this up. She hated discussing this in front everyone, most of all in front of Téa. She knew she had to be honest with Susannah. She did not want to give false information that might mess up Todd's therapy, if by some chance he was receiving legitimate therapy. "Todd was very submissive. He seemed to be more comfortable when I was in control."

Susannah was sensitive to Blair's feelings. "Would you rather continue discussing this in a private meeting?"

Blair did not want to give them the feeling that she was ashamed of anything she did with Todd. "No, I'll answer your questions. I have nothing to hide," Blair said loudly and firmly.

"Did you tell Todd what you liked, or physically direct him?"

"Yes," Blair answered softly.

And he had no problem complying?"

"I'm not a pervert! It's not like I asked him to do anything weird," Blair stated angrily.

"I did not mean to suggest that at all. I'm trying to find out if Todd voiced his preferences . . ."

Blair cut her off. "If you're asking if Todd was a considerate lover, yes he was!"

"Blair, did it surprise you that Todd would be that way, given his history and the way your initial attempt at having sex turned out?"

Blair shrugged. "Yeah, I guess it did."

"Did Todd tell you what he liked or physically direct you to do things that he liked?"

"No," Blair confessed softly.

"So basically Todd did what was pleasing to you when the two of you had sex?"

"Yes," Blair whispered. She looked down at her hands again.

"Did this continue throughout all the times the two of you had sex?"

"Yes . . . well, yes in a different way. Sometimes he would be different . . . more romantic . . ." Blair let her mind drift back. "Sometimes he would put on music and close his eyes in a way that made me think he was dreaming or fantasizing about something. He would kid around and say things to me in Italian."

"What kind of music did he play?" Susannah asked.

Blair shrugged again. "Some kind of classical stuff. I don't know the name of it."

"Did you ever ask Todd about the way he acted during those times?"

"Once. It seemed to upset him. He acted very nervous, almost frightened. He said he didn't want to talk about that." Blair shrugged again. "Some people don't like to talk about it the next day, especially some men." Blair looked at Susannah's face and then she glanced at the other faces around her. "Are you going to tell me that wasn't Todd? That it was that alter named Rodd I was with most of the time?"

"I have no way of knowing for sure," Susannah admitted. "Rodd is the one that we know of that likes classical music and speaks Italian. He does handle sexual feelings when they overwhelm Todd."

"I think I would know my own husband! Now you're trying to tell me that Todd was so freaked out at the thought of sleeping with me that an alter had to come out!"

Susannah did not feel this was the time to tell Blair that Rodd had admitted to "helping" Todd with Blair. She did not believe it was right to tell her this, in front of everyone.

"He seemed happy! He knew all he had to do was tell me if he didn't like the way things were going. Maybe that's just Todd's way? He wasn't always like that anyway. Other times he was more like he was that first time." Blair sat quietly for a few moments as memories and thoughts raced through her brain. When she spoke, it was almost as if she were speaking out loud, to herself. "He was different . . . like the first time . . . he was so timid and submissive and I was the one who . . . he was just more comfortable that way. I never hurt him!" Blair cried out.

"Blair, it sounds to me like you want to understand what might have been going on with Todd. Am I right?" Susannah asked gently.

Blair nodded.

"Do you want to continue this in private?" Susannah asked again.

Blair glanced self-consciously around the room again. "No. I know Todd loved me. I'm not afraid to hear what you have to say!" Blair tried to sound confident. Those in the room could tell how upset she was.

"I want you to understand that what I'm going to say is in no way placing blame on you. I believe you're right about Todd feeling more comfortable with you in control. Even being at your place, on your turf, so to speak, would be something familiar to Todd. This is what he has known all his life. Todd does not believe his body belongs to him. He doesn't know how to handle being the aggressor in a healthy way. Being in control, sexually, is confused with violence in Todd's mind. Intimacy is threatening to Todd. When he's threatened, he has intrusive thoughts of becoming violent. Todd is terrified of these thoughts and what they can lead to. Todd has been able to control his violent urges since the rape, but he is always afraid that he won't be able to. He was taught that being in control sexually means causing pain, degrading, and having power over the other person. In Todd's experience, one person has all the control and power and the other has to be submissive. There is no in-between. Blair, it's not surprising that Todd would have done whatever you asked. It is what he expects during sex."

"Are you saying that to Todd I was just another Peter Manning!" Blair's voice was filled with anger. At the same time her eyes welled up with tears.

"I'm not saying you abused Todd in any way. What I am saying is that Todd related to you, sexually, in the only way he knew how. What was going on in Todd 's life when you and he first got together?" Susannah asked.

"Todd had just gotten out of prison. He was the town pariah already, and then he was accused of raping some nurses from the hospital. No one would have anything to do with him. They wouldn't even say a civil word to him." Blair looked down at her lap. "He was in love with a girl named Rebecca Lewis. She believed he raped those nurses. She even believed he attempted to rape her. He was all alone in the world. He lived in this crummy little motel room. He had no money. Because of the rapes, they even took the job he had as a hospital janitor away from him."

"So Todd was completely isolated. You were the only one who gave him any human contact?" Susannah guessed.

"Yes. I was the only one who treated him like a human being. Kevin and his family treated him like dirt under their shoes," Blair sneered in Kevin's direction. "All any of them wanted was to see him go back to prison forever."

"Don't forget to mention Cord, Blair," Kevin called out.

Blair shot him a dirty look. "Cord Roberts did treat Todd somewhat decently because his kids, C.J. and Sarah, loved Todd."

"Oh, that's right, too," Kevin said sarcastically. "Actually I was talking about you being in love with Cord while marrying Todd to steal his money."

"Kevin!" Viki chastised him loudly.

"I think that's important!" Kevin defended himself. "It makes sense with what Susannah just said. Peter Manning never loved Todd and he knew it. He was willing to do whatever Peter wanted to get him to love him. Todd knew Blair didn't love him, so it was the same thing. He was alone and desperate, like he was when he was a kid. All those feelings came back to him. That's why he was able to have sex with Blair. She controlled him. He was used to that. Téa allowed herself to be vulnerable to him. Todd couldn't handle it. He was afraid of the rage within him when someone gave him the control."

Téa was shocked. She never expected Kevin to say that. No one did. Téa wondered if that was it. She understood that while she was the one who initiated sexual contact with Todd most of the time, she was not aggressive sexually, not in the way Blair was. Todd's mind was complex. A part of him felt threatened by her advances. Another part of Todd was threatened by her giving him the message that he was in control. Téa had believed he needed to be in control to feel secure. Now she wondered if she had been wrong. In the same way Todd had no idea what normal was when it came to marriage, families, or even holidays, he had no idea what normal give and take, with both partners pleasing each other was, when it came to sex. At a very young and impressionable age, Todd had been taught that in a sexual relationship one person had all the power. Now it was Téa's mind that was racing. Finally she realized that she did not want Todd to respond to her that way . . . to think he had to please her to get her to love him and stay with him. Téa was honest enough with herself to realize that most of that had been in Todd's mind and that most likely Blair would not have walked out on him if he had not been able to do whatever she wanted in bed. Téa remembered something else Todd said to her a couple of weeks ago. It gave her some insight into why Todd seemed afraid to let himself go with her. She remembered his exact words. "Less than me? Delgado, you're more . . . you're more Delgado. You're more than me. You're more. You're more than anyone." She knew that for some reason she didn't understand, Todd placed her on a pedestal. He saw her as something clean and untouched by the evilness and dirt he believed covered him so thoroughly that he could never get it off no matter how hard he tried.

Blair's voice brought Téa out of her deep thoughts. "Kevin! You know damn well that I loved Todd. I'll admit that I loved Cord when Todd and I were married the first time. I'll admit I married Todd for his money. That's no secret! Don't you dare say that I didn't love him the second time or that I only wanted some kind of submissive sex partner. Blair started to cry again. She turned to Viki. "I didn't know these things about his father and how he'd hurt Todd. None of you did!" she accused. Blair turned to Susannah. "I swear. I never hurt Todd or asked him to do anything weird. I thought he liked the way things were between us. I never expected Todd to . . . to . . . perform for me. I loved him!"

"Blair," Téa began. "I know you did. I know you wouldn't have stopped loving Todd if he couldn't ha . . ."

"Oh listen to you!" Blair cut Téa off. "What the Hell would you know about any of it? I don't need your pity or your Miss High and Mighty act. At least I wasn't always pressuring Todd and trying to change him and make him something he wasn't!"

"And neither was I!" Now Téa was angry as well. "I tried to help Todd be what he wanted to be, not what he wasn't! And you did a lot worse than pressure him. You played on the worst fears Todd had about himself. You made him think he would hurt Starr and become like both his fathers. That's after you lied to him at every turn and reinforced his belief that he could never trust anyone he cared for not to betray him!"

"Okay enough! I told you all before. This is not going to turn into another shouting match," Susannah called out. "Blair, I appreciate your willingness to discuss this. However, I think it would be best to continue it in a private session. I'd like to speak with all of you about the choice of words you use in front of Todd and the alters." Susannah did not want Blair to feel ganged up on. And she didn't want Téa getting upset or having this turn into another free-for-all. Unfortunately, Blair took this next issue as a personal affront as well.

"I told you I never meant to hurt Todd. My God! Do you think I'd ever say anything like that to him?"

"No. I don't. I don't think any of you would. This goes for all of you, not just Blair. Any of you could have just as easily slipped."

Blair gave them all angry glares out of the corners of her eyes.

"I understand it's very difficult and I'm not suggesting that you all walk around on eggshells when you're with Todd or the alters. If you're uncomfortable talking in front of them, they will sense that, too. I just want all of you to try to think before you speak. Words can not only hurt, but they can be triggering to some victims of abuse, especially if they have Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. I understand that it's difficult to always know what can be triggering. Sometimes we don't. This goes for staff, too. There might be times we say something that can be triggering. Sometimes even using a term of endearment or a touch that was used during abuse can be triggering. Todd and the alters don't seem to be especially sensitive to terms of endearment. My guess would be that Peter never used any of the typical ones with any of them, so I would not be too concerned with that. I would like all of you to keep known triggers in mind when you speak to or in front of Todd and the alters. You saw today how fragile Todd is, both emotionally and physically."

"Could having a flashback like that kill Todd?" This was only the second time Sam had spoken since the meeting began. He seemed to be unaware of the conflict in the room.

"Usually, no, unless the person has medical problems that can be exacerbated by the physiological changes that take place during a flashback. In Todd's case he has preexisting heart problems. While they are not serious at this time, and normally would not place him at a great risk, he is at somewhat more risk than someone who has no medical problems is. He's also at a higher risk for seizures. Todd re-experienced what he felt when Peter stabbed him. His body reacted in a similar fashion, and he started to go into shock. While this shock was not caused by blood loss, and therefore did not pose the kind of danger hypovolemic shock poses, it was enough to lower his blood pressure to dangerous levels and cause his heart to have to pump harder. That is where Todd having a slightly higher risk because of his preexisting conditions comes into play. Unfortunately, this will most likely not be the last flashback Todd has. At best, he will be able to digest the trauma and be able to work through it, or he may have a flashback and not digest the trauma and get no relief from the memory. This is usually the case with Todd. At worst we have a situation like the one we had today. The flashback results in severe physiological reactions and the potential for him going into a medical crisis exists. This flashback happened very quickly and it was a memory of great physical trauma as well as emotional trauma. In most cases, we would have enough time to sedate him before it can become a threat to his physical health."

"So you're saying that Todd really could have died from what happened today?" Blair asked in a trembling voice.

"That would have been highly unlikely," Susannah responded.

"But he could have!" Blair emphasized the word could.

"Yes. He could have gone into cardiac arrest. Blair, anything is possible with any of us. Could he have? Yes. Do I think it would have happened? No."

"I have to go." Blair said as she stood up.

"Can't take the heat?" Kevin called out. He felt Téa poke him in the ribs.

Téa could see that Blair was upset. Protecting Todd was always Téa's goal, never deliberately hurting Blair.

Viki also cast a disapproving look Kevin's way.

"Starr is getting over the sniffles. She's still home from school. I have to get back to her," Blair said and left.

"Kevin! What is wrong with you? Why do you insist on antagonizing her?" Viki asked angrily.

"Oh come on, Mom! This whole thing was her fault. Todd could have died because of what she said. Then did she accept the blame? No! All she did was go around screeching 'it's not my fault. It's not my fault.' She never accepts responsibility for what she does and she never fails to put Téa down in some way. She treats Susannah and the staff like dirt at times. I don't trust her. I'm not saying she doesn't care about Todd. I know she does. I'm just afraid she's up to something."

Sam sat quietly. He didn't know if he should say something or not. He knew that Blair was up to something. She wanted to take Todd away from all of them. He didn't keep quiet out of allegiance to Blair. He kept quiet because he still was not entirety sure Blair was wrong. Kevin rushing to Téa's defense this way confused Sam. Was Kevin doing it out of fairness and friendship? Was he doing it because Téa wasn't feeling well and was not up to holding her own with Blair? Or was it that his suspicions were right in the first place? Sam didn't know where to turn. He was afraid to trust his own instincts and Blair was certainly not objective. There was one more person besides them who was also suspicious . . . Rachel. Rachel had no axe to grind. She did not want to take Todd out of the hospital. Yet she also wondered if Téa and Kevin were more than friends. Sam heard her with his own ears. So, Sam sat quietly. He didn't defend Blair, but he didn't tell them what he knew either. Right now, except for Viki, Sam could care less about any of them. His only interest was saving Todd and making up for allowing Todd to be tortured every moment of his life.

*******************

Téa had some time before her appointment. She asked if it would be okay to go look in on Ritchie. He was still sleeping when she got there. Frank was sitting with him. He moved his chair outside the door to give Téa some space and privacy. He left the door open only enough so that he had a good view of Ritchie, in case there was a problem. Téa stared at Ritchie. His sleep was peaceful. His face was untroubled. He did not shiver in his sleep as Todd and some of the children did. Téa remembered what little they knew about this young man. He was sent in Andy's place shortly after the stabbing. He had been described as robot like. He felt neither pain nor pleasure, neither hate nor love. Téa wondered if he felt happiness or fear. Was he totally devoid of all emotions? Téa remembered hearing that this boy frustrated Peter because he showed no response to being molested. His body reacted in whatever way Peter wanted it to, but there was no emotion . . . no feelings behind the reaction. Even though Ritchie probably went through the motions of saying whatever was needed to keep Peter from killing them, somehow, Peter sensed the lack of real feelings behind the words. I hope you went to your grave never again getting the sick pleasure out of your torture, you miserable bastard! Téa thought to herself. Téa wondered why Ritchie had continued to age to seventeen and then stop.

Téa leaned over and gently stroked the hair out of Ritchie's face and whispered to the man she knew was somewhere inside the young boy sleeping peacefully. "Todd. I love you so much. I think you're beginning to believe me. I see so much of you coming back. You may not feel it yet. You are getting healthier and stronger, mi amor. I'll help you in whatever way you need me to. Did I do the right thing in trying to help you change? Did you believe you had to change for me to love you? Did you put too much pressure on yourself? I remember how hard you tried for me." Téa smiled to herself. "Do you remember our time at the Bayberry Inn? You tried so hard. Did you ever truly understand how much it meant to me? Maybe I didn't show it enough?" Téa laughed softly. "Do you remember the Santa hats? I still have mine." Tears sprung to Téa's eyes and spilled down her cheeks. She thought of all the times she held that hat in her hand and brushed it against her cheek as she sat alone in her hotel room. "I know you'll come back to me and to your life. It'll be different this time, Todd. I promise you. Your family will never abandon you again. We understand now. We understand why you are the way you are. You don't ever have to change if you don't want to. We will all love you exactly the way you are." Téa kissed him on the cheek. "I have to go for that scan now. Todd, if you can hear me, thank you for sharing part of you with me today. You made me very happy. You also scared the Hell out of me when you got sick, pal. I love you." Téa left the room.

******************

"How is he?" Viki asked when she saw Téa walk to the lounge near Todd's room.

"He's fine. He's sleeping soundly. There are no signs of nightmares or that he's having any problems." Tea looked around. "Where's Sam?"

"He went to the family lounge to lie down for a while. Kevin went to the cafeteria with Rachel. They should be back in a few minutes. Would you like me to go with you for the CT scan?"

"No. Viki, thank you so much. No. I'll be fine. Rachel can go with me. I don't want her to feel she came all this way for nothing."

"Are you feeling better?" Viki asked.

"A little. The dizzy spells aren't as frequent. If only this headache would go away. It makes me feel sick to my stomach."

"You're not taking care of yourself. Honey, please. I know how much you love Todd and want to be here for him and the alters. You need to take care of yourself so you can continue to do just that."

"I know. I really will try to be a little more careful with my health. Viki, I want to ask you something before everyone comes back."

"Sure, honey. You can ask me anything."

Téa took a moment to collect her thoughts. "Do you think I shouldn't have encouraged Todd to change? Do you think I made him place too much pressure on himself?"

"Honey, don't let the things Blair said get to you. You know how she is, and she was very upset and frightened. She was lashing out."

"No. Viki, it isn't what Blair said. It's something I always think about. Todd always used the word 'couldn't,' not wouldn't when it came to change. Some part of him may have realized the serious problems he had. He tried so hard. He tried for me! He was always so afraid I'd leave him like his mom did. He would shout for me the second he came home. I could see fear in his eyes when I came down the stairs or came in from the kitchen. He fully expected to be abandoned."

"You didn't abandon him. Honey, you're still here," Viki pointed out.

"But I did! I walked out on him over and over again. Can you imagine what that did to him?" Téa stroked her right index finger over the wedding ring she still wore. "Do you think he thought I wouldn't love him if he couldn't make the dream come true? God. I wish I had it all to do over again. I knew Todd had serious problems. I never should have pushed."

Viki took Téa's hand. "Honey, being mentally ill doesn't take away someone's dreams. Téa, I think you are one of the few people who realize that Todd is like everyone else in so many ways. You were able to see the man . . . the human being, when everyone else only saw a monster. You saw his dreams for a happy life and a family. You saw the part of him that was unique and like no one else you had ever known and you loved that part. What is so special is that you also saw the part that wanted to be like everyone else and wanted what everyone else had . . . and thought he could never have. When Todd met you he was more closed off than ever, even by his standards. He didn't even dare to dream anymore. It was too painful for him. You gave him back the ability to dream and you tried to help him make those dreams come true. I know Todd still has those dreams and he's depending on you to continue to help him achieve them. He knows you will accept him no matter what, and he knows you will also help him to change if he wants to. Just continue to be there for him the way you have been. It seems to be helping to give us back our Todd."

Téa hugged Viki tightly. "I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you in my life."

Viki hugged her back. "You and Todd never have to worry about that. I'll always be here for both of you."

"Hey, girlfriend!" Rachel called out as she and Kevin came toward the lounge.

Viki and Téa had been so deep in conversation they didn't even hear Kevin and Rachel come back onto the unit. Téa looked at her watch. She saw it was time to go to radiology. "Rachel, I'm so sorry. You've been here since early this morning, you too, Kevin. You guys don't have to wait around. The test takes over an hour and then I have to see Doctor Anderson. Why don't you go out or go for something else to eat."

Rachel and Kevin exchanged looks.

"It is a beautiful spring day," Kevin said. "Would you like to go for a walk?" he asked Rachel.

Téa saw Rachel was hesitant. "Why don't you two walk me down to radiology. Once I'm there, the staff will take over. They can send an escort to take me to Doctor Anderson's office when the scan is finished. I promise I'll sit in his waiting room afterward and patiently wait for you both to get there if you are not back by the time I'm finished. If there is any problem, I can have them call Viki."

Kevin and Rachel agreed. They headed for radiology with Téa. Viki headed off to check in on Ritchie and then she planned on going to the family lounge to be with Sam.

******************

Blair headed straight for Dorian's when she left the hospital. "Now what happened?" Dorian asked, seeing the distraught state Blair was in when she walked into the living room.

Blair was pacing. "Todd almost died and I think it was my fault!"

"What happened?" Dorian stayed calm.

"Oh God, Dorian. What if he had gone into cardiac arrest? I never meant to hurt him."

"Blair! Will you sit down and tell me what happened!"

Blair sat on the couch, next to Dorian. "I said something that triggered a horrible memory and a flashback in Todd. He thought I was his mother. He remembered a time when he was six and his father molested him and then almost stabbed him to death. He went into some kind of shock."

Dorian closed her eyes tightly. She took some deep breaths to regain her composure. "Is he all right now?" Dorian's voice trembled slightly.

"Yes . . . I don't know! I think so. Another alter came out. He was the alter who eventually came out after Todd recovered from the stab wound. He was six, but now he's seventeen. They did an ECG and some blood tests on Todd and he was examined by the attending cardiologist and by his own cardiologist. They said he was okay and the test showed no additional heart damage."

Dorian breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing she wanted was for Todd to suffer more than he had. "All right, so he's fine physically."

"They all blame me. I swear I never meant to hurt Todd. When I saw them together, I lost control. I hate her so much! I hate Kevin, too! They're so damn smug! You should have seen her with him! She was all over him. I don't believe that Todd was the one to kiss her for one minute!"

"Wait . . . Blair, who are you talking about? Viki kissed Todd?"

"No! God, Dorian. Gross! Not Viki! Téa! Téa was all over Todd."

"I'm sorry. When you mentioned Kevin and smug I just assumed you were talking about Viki."

"Viki was smug too, but it was Téa who threw herself at Todd so he wouldn't become suspicious of her or maybe she wanted to get him to have some kind of episode. I swear. Todd was already in trouble when I got there. Téa was all over him and he was cowering on the ground and they all stood around and didn't lift a finger to help him, not even Sam. Then they all blamed me for sending him into the flashback. Sam is suddenly on Téa and Kevin's side and he thinks Todd is doing just peachy keen in the hospital with Doctor Hanen. Then we had a debriefing with Doctor Hanen and they said Todd never really loved me and that he thinks of me the same way he does his father. They said it was an alter who slept with me and then they practically accused me of raping Todd." Blair started to cry.

"What! Who said this to you? Was it Viki?"

"All of them," Blair sniveled. She wiped her nose with her palm. She looked down at her lap. "Actually, Viki didn't really say much, if anything. It was Kevin and Téa! Kevin, Téa and Doctor Hanen. They're out to destroy Todd and they come off as saints and make me look like the villain."

Dorian lifted Blair's face by the chin. "Blair, look at me." Dorian reached for her hankie and wiped Blair's tears away. "Tell me exactly what they said to you."

Once Blair had given Dorian a calmer and truer version of what was said, Dorian realized that it did not go down at all the way Blair took it. Nevertheless, she was furious with them for upsetting her niece that way and for ganging up on her. "Those hypocrites! They all act like they love that poor sick boy and they allow him to be hurt right under their noses. I'm sure Viki got off on her henchmen torturing you that way."

"You should see Viki and Téa. She treats Téa like she's her long lost daughter. Téa walks on water as far as Viki is concerned," Blair stated with venom.

"Dorian placed her arm around Blair's shoulders. "Don't you worry. Once Téa and Kevin are exposed for what they are Viki will be paid back for upsetting you this way."

"Well, it wasn't Viki as much as the oth . . ."

"I'm sure Viki was behind it!" Dorian cut her off. "They pick up on her disrespect for you. She's doing it to hurt me."

"You! This isn't about you, Dorian! It's about Todd and about me. They want to make sure he hates me when he gets well. They don't care that I'm the mother of his child. They don't want us to be a family again. They want to take Todd away from me the way they took Starr away." Blair was getting herself all worked up again.

"All right. Shhhh. All right. Calm down. No one is taking anyone away from you. I'll never let that happen again. Now tell me what Sam said."

After Dorian heard Sam's comments in detail, she thought for a few minutes. "It doesn't sound like Sam has completely changed his mind. It sounds like that poor deranged man is confused. He has Viki constantly in his ear. She's the one who's playing with Sam's mind and confusing him. She's trying to get him to love that son of hers."

"So, of course, he has to learn to love Kevin's whore, too," Blair added.

"Yes! Blair, sweetheart, don't you see? You have to help Sam. You have to help him to see the truth. You say he loves Todd. It will push him over the edge if something happens to Todd because he trusted the wrong people."

"I like Sam. I don't want him hurt. I do want to help him, too," Blair said firmly. "Dorian, do you think they're right about me being too . . . forceful or aggressive with Todd . . . you know . . . in bed . . . not caring about his feelings . . . I had no idea he was sexually abused."

"Don't you dare fall into their trap and let their sick games make you question yourself. Abuse, especially sexual abuse, does horrible things to a child's mind and confuses everything about sex when the child becomes an adult. Whatever problems Todd had were there long before he ever met you," Dorian declared.

"I did marry him for his money the first time. I did love Cord at the time." Blair looked down in shame. "I even thought about Cord when Todd and I made love. Maybe that had something to do with traumatizing him?"

"No! You did not abuse Todd. Peter Manning did! Don't let Viki and the others make you blame yourself!" Dorian insisted.

"Do you think Todd only wanted to be in a relationship with me because he was alone and desperate?"

"Todd wanted to be in a relationship with you because you're my beautiful and wonderful girl. Don't you let what Kevin said destroy your confidence. He's already done enough damage to one of my girls. How dare Viki and her spoiled brat make you doubt yourself that way." Dorian stroked Blair's hair.

"I really do want what's best for Todd. I want him to be well enough to stand up for himself again and to see that he belongs with his real family, with me and with Starr."

"He will be. He's very sick. It will take time."

"What if Sam is right? Doctor Hanen was very good with Starr and sometimes she seems competent. What if Todd is better off left in the hospital with her and with Viki and Sam? Maybe she's not in cahoots with the Buchanans to hurt Todd? Sam is Todd's legal guardian, too. If he sides with Viki, I can forget everything. God, Dorian, what if I'm wrong? Todd needs a mom. What if taking him away from the hospital and from Viki ends up hurting him? I never meant to hurt him today and look what happened."

"You did not hurt Todd today! And you will not hurt him by taking him away from Viki. You saw for yourself how she put Kevin and Téa before her brother."

Blair winced. "Well, I didn't exactly see it that way. I . . ."

"Oh, I know Viki!" Dorian went on without giving Blair a chance to finish what she was saying. "No matter how much she loves Todd, she will not miss an opportunity to hurt me."

"You! How was she trying to hurt you?"

"By hurting one of my girls or by trying to take away someone I care about. You'd see, Blair. If you kissed up to her the way you say Téa does and you were the one Kevin wanted . . ."

"Kevin! Yuck! Dorian, what the Hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Viki's sick need to get back at me for stealing her father and then her son away from her. She never forgets and never forgives. She would love to see you so desperate to get in her good graces that you push me out of your life and spend all your time hanging around her the way Téa does." Dorian hugged Blair. "Don't you worry, my darling girl. If you want Todd to come back to you and Starr, then that's what will happen, and you don't need to be part of Viki's inner circle to make it happen."

"Dorian, I don't like the sound of this. Promise me you're not going to do anything. I came here today because I was upset and I wanted some comforting. Please tell me you're not planning on going to the hospital and causing a scene with Viki or Kevin or anyone. You'll get us both banned from being able to see Todd. Promise me!"

"I have no intention of going anywhere near Viki or any of them. You have my word."

"Why am I not comforted?" Blair quipped.

"Well! This is the thanks I get for being here for you and . . ."

"Okay." Blair hugged Dorian and kissed her on the cheek. "I'm sorry. Yes, you are the only one who's always here for me now. I'm sorry. If you promise, then I believe you." Blair took Dorian's hand. "It really wasn't my fault that Todd almost died, was it?"

"Of course, it wasn't. You were there to try to save him from them!" Dorian stated firmly. "Don't give it another thought. Now, how is my precious little grandniece doing?"

"She's doing wonderfully. Her cold is all gone and she is so much happier since she visited Todd. I think instinctively Starr knew what she needed and she gave it to herself." Blair was pensive for a moment. "I have to admit that Doctor Hanen had a lot to do with Starr feeling so much better about everything with Todd. Starr even named one of her doctor dolls after her and she always has this doll taking very good care of the sick daddy doll."

"She does remember that her Auntie Dorian is a doctor too, doesn't she?"

"Dorian," Blair gently chastised her. "Starr loves you very much and you know it."

Dorian looked into Blair's eyes. "Yes. Certainly I know it. I still wouldn't mind her naming one of her doctor dolls after me."

Blair knew Dorian's statement was half lighthearted and half serious. "I'm sure that when Starr decides to increase her staff the very next doctor doll will be named after you."

"That's better," Dorian said with a smile. "Now why don't you run along home to our little girl and give her a big kiss from her Auntie Dorian. And don't you worry about any of the things they said to you. You did nothing wrong. Todd is fine and you will make sure he stays that way."

Dorian shut the door behind Blair. She leaned her back against it and stared off into space, thinking. "Those bastards! How dare they hurt my niece that way? How dare they cause her so much pain? Hurting me and hurting Cassie wasn't enough for them. Now they have to go after Blair. Viki managed to turn Cassie against me time and time again. She thinks she can do the same with Blair," Dorian said out loud. Her lips curled into a sneer. "Think again, Victoria Lord Carpenter. Sam and the courts need to see that Doctor Hanen and is out to hurt Todd. They need to see that Kevin is in on it and Viki is standing by and letting it happen. They need to see that all of them, including Todd's high priced wife, need to be out of his life forever!" Dorian thought again for a few more minutes. Her eyes gleamed. Dorian headed for the phone.

TO BE CONTINUED

COPYRIGHT 2001 RS/RHFC

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