PREVIOUSLY

Viki stroked Téa's cheek. "You are very important to us." She saw tears well up in Téa's eyes. Viki knew this embarrassed Téa even more. She quickly added, "I'm assuming you're going to see your doctors."

*********************************************************************************************************************************************

"Wait out here," Susannah instructed as she rushed toward Todd's room. When she got there, Todd was huddled against the wall. Frank was standing nearby, but he had not touched Todd.

"Daddy, Daddy, I'm sorry. I'll be good. I know you didn't say it was okay. Please! I'll be good. I'm sorry. I know you didn't say I could. I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me! Noooooo!" Todd pulled his knees to his chest and then held his hands up to protect himself as he continued to cry and beg.

Frank motioned Susannah away from Todd. "Right before Todd came back, Andy was touching himself. Sam was asleep. I didn't want to set either of them off by making any comment. When Todd came back, he realized what Andy had been doing."

Susannah closed her eyes. She knew Todd would be horrified. She pulled her tape recorder out of her pocket and placed it on the night table. Susannah hoped Todd wouldn’t require more sedation. They got nowhere if he remained sleeping or drugged to where he couldn't think. Todd needed to experience his feelings. He needed to feel rage and know that no matter how much fury came forth, they would keep him and those around him, safe.

Sam looked stunned. He was still sitting on the bed. As soon as he got his bearings he started to head for Todd. Susannah stepped in front of him.

"Sam, hold it for a few minutes. Let me assess him."

"He's terrified!" Sam yelled.

"He's going in and out of a flashback. You can make it worse. Please! Give me a few minutes with him."

Sam hesitated for a moment and then nodded. He sat back down on the bed. He suddenly felt as if his knees would buckle.

"Todd. Todd. It's Doctor Hanen. You're safe. Daddy's not here. You're in your own room at the hospital. Daddy can't hurt you."

"I'm bad. You're bad. You get punished. You follow the rules or you get punished. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Daddy didn't say it was okay. I'm disgusting. I'm a disgusting pervert. No wonder Sam hates me. He doesn't wanna touch me. He won't be my coach anymore. My dad'll get mad if I don't win. I'll be better and stronger than any of them and then my dad will like me. Daddy! I won't do it again. I'm sorry! Sam went away. He's not coming back. Viki said he went away. Mama left! They hate me! I'm so disgusting." Todd pulled his knees in tightly.

Eileen, Terry, Jeff and Angelo had rushed to Todd's room. Susannah motioned for them to hold back. She and Frank knelt near Todd. They saw that Todd was slipping in and out of reality. "Todd," Susannah tried again. "It's Doctor Hanen. Sam did not leave you. He's right here. Do you want him to come over to you?"

"NO! I DON'T WANT HIM TO TOUCH ME!" Todd shrieked.

"Okay, buddy. Take it easy. Sam won't come near you if you don't want him to." Frank spoke to Todd slowly and gently.

"I don't want anyone to touch me!" Todd cried out.

"As long as you don't hurt yourself and stay safe, no one will touch you," Susannah assured him.

Todd buried his head in his knees. "I'm a loser," he whispered after a few seconds. "I'm such a loser."

It killed Sam not to be able to take Todd in his arms. He wondered if Todd was remembering the one time he was reluctant to hold him, after Angel had come out, or if he had done something to Todd just now.

"Todd, you are not a loser. Can you tell me why you're feeling that way now?" Susannah asked.

"I make Daddy mad. I always make him mad. He was being nice to me and now he hates me again."

"How was Daddy being nice to you?" Susannah inquired.

"He was in the bed with me."

"Do you like it when Daddy lies in bed with you?" Susannah probed.

"Sometimes," Todd lifted his head and rested his cheek on his knees.

"What do you like about Daddy being in bed with you?" Susannah continued.

"He holds me. It's warm. He tickles me. I like that." Todd's voice and tone were childlike. However, they could tell he was still Todd. He had gone into a regressed state. "He says I'm his little man. He says I know how to make him happy. I want to make Daddy happy. He talks quiet . . . no yelling . . ." Todd’s voice trailed off. He brushed his hand over his hair. "He plays with my hair. He likes it. He makes mama keep it long. Owwwww," Todd whimpered.

"Is something hurting you?" Susannah asked.

"He pulls my hair sometimes. He likes it long for that reason, too. Sometimes he pulls it instead of playing nice, even when I'm being a good boy. Daddy says he likes it when it hurts. Daddy's boy part get big when he makes it hurt me." Tears began to fall from Todd's eyes again. "I'm not supposed to touch it unless he says so. He's gonna cut me."

"Todd, your body belongs to you and no one else. You have every right to touch yourself. Is that what was happening?"

Todd felt for the wall and curled up against it. He pressed his face and body against the wall, as if he were trying to become a part of it.

"Todd. If you were touching yourself, it's all right. It's your body. You have every right to give yourself pleasure. There is nothing bad or wrong about that." Susannah and the staff would educate Todd and Andy about privacy, when they were ready. She did not want to add to Todd's shame right now.

"No, it's bad. If Daddy doesn't say it's okay, it's bad."

"Your father doesn't own your body, Todd, you do. He's dead. He can't hurt you anymore."

"No, he's here. He was in bed with me."

Sam gasped. He could not believe Todd thought he was Peter Manning and he was in bed with him so he could molest him. "Todd. Boomer, please. It's Sam. I was the one in bed with you. I'd never hurt you or touch you in that way. I love you. You never have to . . ."

"NOOOOOO!" Todd screamed. He looked horrified. "NOOOOO!" Todd started to bang his head into the wall.

Frank pulled him away from the wall. "No hurting yourself, Todd."

"Let go! Don't touch me! Don't touch me!" Todd cried. He tried to pull away. He pushed the soles of his feet against the wall and pushed his body against Frank's in an effort to free himself. The other staff members and Susannah quickly contained Todd. "You're hurting me! Let go!"

"Relax, Todd." Frank spoke soothingly. "We're not hurting you. Shhhh. We need to keep you safe."

"Stop it! Don't! Stop! Mama! Mama, help me! I'm sorry. Mama! I won't be disgusting. Don't go away. You said to be nice to Daddy. You said to do what Daddy wants and he won't hurt me. You told me to be a good boy! Mama! He's hurting me! You saw! You think I'm bad and I should be hurt! Mama! Make him stop hurting me! Why? Why? Whyyyyy? What'd I do? Why does he hate me so much? Mama, why do you let him hurt me? You're hurting me! Let go! Maaaaaammmmmaaaaaa! He's hurting meeeeeeee!"

Sam lunged at Frank. "Let go of him! You're hurting him!" Sam tried to pull Frank away from Todd.

Susannah was just about to call for more assistance when Todd stopped struggling. Sam immediately let go of Frank when he saw this.

"Sam?" Todd called out weakly.

"I'm here, Todd. I'm right here." Sam along with the others noticed the far away, glazed look in Todd's eyes.

"Sam." Todd tried to reach out for Sam.

"Todd, do you promise to stay safe and not hurt yourself or anyone else if we let you go?" Susannah asked.

Todd nodded. At the same time he cried out. "I want Sam."

"It's okay." Susannah said to the staff that was holding Todd.

Cautiously, they let go of Todd's legs and head and then Frank let go of his arms and torso.

"Sam, I'm sorry," Todd whimpered.

Sam sat on the floor next to Todd. "Todd, you have nothing to feel sorry about. I'm sorry I let him hurt you that way. No dad should hurt his kid that way."

"Mama wants me to." Todd's voice sounded flat and emotionless. "Sam, you wanna go away. You think I'm disgusting." Todd reached out. He felt for Sam's face. When he found it, he let his hands rest on Sam's cheeks. "Is it dark so Mama can't see?" Todd asked.

"Todd, tell me who you're holding?" Susannah asked.

"Sam." Todd looked confused. Todd's fragmented memories were catapulting him between past and present reality. "Sam, please don't send me back home. I know you have your own son. I'll be a good son to you, too. I'll make you like me as much as your son. I'll do whatever he does to make you love him. I'll do it better." Todd let his hands quickly slide down Sam's arms until they rested on the outer parts of Sam's legs. Todd put his face in Sam's crotch. He began to feel for the zipper of Sam's pants. "I'll make you like me more than you like your son. Please don't send me back," Todd whispered.

Sam pushed Todd away from him firmly, and jumped up.

"SAM!" Todd started to scream. "SAM! DON'T LEAVE ME AGAIN! DON'T SEND ME BACK. WHAT DID I DO? DID I DO IT WRONG? I’M SUCH A SCREW UP AND A LOSER! SAM, PLEASE! TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT! I'LL DO IT! PLEASE DON'T SEND ME BACK TO HIM. I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I DID WRONG! I'LL BE YOUR GOOD BOY. I'LL BE YOUR LITTLE MAN. PLEASE! SAM!" Todd began to crawl on the floor, trying to find Sam.

Frank pulled Todd back into his arms. Todd didn't fight him this time.

Susannah motioned for no one else to touch Todd. She saw it was best to let Frank handle this.

"Todd, it's all right." Frank spoke soothingly. "Sam didn't leave." Frank looked up at Sam who stood frozen to the spot. Sam wanted to run. He felt as if he wanted to never stop running. He wanted to smash Peter Manning's head into the wall until there was nothing left but a bloody pulp. Frank's eyes were pleading with Sam not to reject Todd in any way for what he had just done. When Sam didn't make a move, Frank continued. "It's okay, Todd. Shhhh. You don't have to offer yourself to Sam or to anyone. Sam is not going to leave you." Frank held him tightly. Todd turned around in Frank's strong arms and snuggled up close. Frank rocked Todd. "Oh, Todd. You are so loved. You never have to let anyone hurt you for him or her to love you. Everyone here loves you so much just for being you. You did nothing wrong. What happened with your dad wasn't your fault."

"I don't want Sam to make me go home. I want him to take me home with him and be my dad," Todd whispered as tears spilled down his cheeks.

"Sam is very proud of you. He would love to have a son like you," Frank stated.

"He thinks I'm disgusting. He won't tell me what to do. It belongs to him. He has to tell me what to do."

"What belongs to him?" Frank asked tenderly.

"My body. It's his. I'm not supposed to touch it except when I go to the bathroom. That's the rule. Daddy can make things feel bad or good. If I do it right, he makes it feel good. He holds me and brushes my hair nice with his hand. He tickles me. He talks to me nice and tells me I'm good. He likes when he makes my boy parts feel good . . . I don't like that part of feel good so much. It makes me feel bad too, and sick in my tummy. Then sometimes I want it to feel good that way. I'm not supposed to make it feel good that way without Daddy. Daddy has to say 'touch it' and 'keep touching it until it gets all hard.' Then Daddy says I'm his little man. He's proud of me. Mama wants me to be nice to Daddy so he don't get mad at us. Then she hates me. I don't know what to do. If I'm a good boy, it's bad and if I'm not a good boy it's bad." Todd stopped talking. He seemed to be listening to someone or something. "Why is the little boy crying?" Todd asked.

Susannah and her staff exchanged looks. "Todd, can you see the little boy?"

Todd nodded. "He's hiding under a bed and he's crying. I don't wanna hear it! Make him go away!" Once again Todd did not question why he could see.

"He won't hurt you," Frank assured him. He hugged Todd tightly.

"Ask him his name," Susannah prompted.

Todd hesitated. He held onto Frank for dear life. Frank felt Todd trembling. Todd cocked his head, as if he were looking under the bed. "What's your name?" Todd whispered.

"Andy," the little boy whispered back.

"Why are you crying?" Todd asked, unprompted.

"Daddy hurts me and Mommy hates me and I made Sam mad at us."

Todd looked startled. "You know Sam?"

"I want Sam to wanna be my daddy, too. Now he thinks I'm a disgusting prewurt, like Mommy says."

Suddenly, Barbara Manning's voice yelling at his father came back to him. Todd heard her saying that he had done something disgusting. Todd pressed his palms into his ears. "No! I don't want to hear it! Mommy's fighting with Daddy about me! Daddy's gonna get mad. He's gonna hurt us."

"Shhhhh. Todd it's not happening now. I'm holding you. You're safe." Frank said softly and gently. He held Todd tightly against his chest. "No one is going to hurt you or your mom or Andy."

Todd looked "under the bed" again. "Don't cry. Frank said he won't let anyone hurt us."

Sam felt a mixture of jealousy and self-hatred. He wanted to be the one Todd and Andy felt safe with.

"Daddy always hurts me," they heard Andy's voice say. "He says he likes it when I'm his little man and then he ends up hurting me anyway. Mommy lies to me. She says be a good boy for Daddy and then she hates me when I'm a good boy. Everybody hates me. Now Sam hates me again because I didn't wait for him to say it was okay and you hate me and I always try to help you."

Todd gasped. "Your daddy says he likes it when you're a little man, too?"

"Uh huh," Andy answered. "I like it when Daddy holds me and acts nice to me."

"Me, too," Todd whispered.

"I get scared 'cause I'm afraid Daddy's gonna get mean and hurt me," Andy stated.

"So do I," Todd admitted. Todd loosened his grip on Frank and turned around so he was facing the bed he saw Andy under. He continued to talk to the little boy he saw. "Daddy's never nice without turning mean. Even when it feels good to be with Daddy, I get scared because I know the bad is coming."

"There's no place that don't hurt," Andy said.

"There's no place that's safe," Todd added.

"I'm gonna kill me with a big knife to make it stop hurting. Then I'll be dead and it won't hurt anymore. Then I'm gonna run away and I'm not telling Mommy or Daddy where I'm going. I'm gonna take Timmy and Randy. Do you wanna come?" Andy asked.

"I want it to stop hurting, too. I wanna die, too," Todd confessed in a whisper so low they had to strain to hear him. "I'm sorry you get hurt and feel so bad." Todd reached out a trembling hand. They saw Todd's other hand reach up, as Andy took Todd's hand from under the bed.

"Do you hate me, too?" Andy asked Todd.

Todd looked into Andy's eyes. They were the same hazel color as his own. He saw the pain in those eyes. He knew what Andy was feeling. "No. I don't hate you." Todd saw a tear trickle out of Andy's right eye, as those in the room saw the same tear trickle out of Todd's eye. "I have a dog named Randy. He came back to me," Todd told Andy.

"He came back to Tom, too. Tom's real happy when he's with Randy. He loves him so much and he's always cuddling with him. He's really Tom's dog, but Tom said he belongs to all of us. Daddy hates Randy." Todd had a flash of being with Tom and Randy. He remembered the other little blond boy he had held in his arms. He remembered giving him Randy to care for. Todd started to make the connection. His mind quickly pushed the connection away. Todd saw Andy as a little boy separate from him. His unconscious needed to keep it that way.

"My daddy hates my dog, too." Todd spoke softly.

"I'm afraid of Daddy," Andy said.

"Me too," Todd confessed.

"Daddy touches my boy parts," Andy whispered.

"My daddy does, too." Todd squeezed Andy's hand.

"I don't like it. Even when it feels good, I don't like it."

"Neither do I," Todd choked on his words.

Andy looked away. "I was bad. I broke the rule. I touched myself. Now everybody hates me." Some more tears fell down Andy's cheeks.

"Daddy gets so mad when someone breaks the rules," Todd concurred.

Andy's looked into Todd's eyes. "Daddy hurts me."

"Daddy hurts me, too," Todd admitted. His chin trembled as tears fell. "My daddy hurts us both, doesn't he?"

Todd saw Andy come out from under the bed and walk over to him. With Todd sitting on the floor and Andy standing at his full height, they were eye to eye.

Andy stroked Todd's head. "I'm sorry Daddy hurts you, too. I try to get hurt so you don't have to."

"Daddy shouldn't hurt you. You're just a little boy." Todd couldn't bear the thought of a child being hurt.

"Mommy lets him. She sees, and she lets him. She thinks I should be hurt."

"Mommy sees," Todd repeated in a detached tone. Todd pulled Andy into a hug. Sam, Susannah, Frank and the other staff members in the room watched Todd hold his arms tightly around himself and rock back and forth.

Andy rested his head on Todd's shoulder and said, "I want Sam to be my daddy now. Do you want Sam to be your daddy?"

"Yeah," Todd whispered.

"I'm sorry. I didn't wait for Sam to say it was okay. He don't wanna be our daddy now."

"It's not your fault." Todd's arms tightened around Andy. "I'm not good enough to be Sam's son anyway."

Sam couldn't stand it. He rushed to Todd and Andy. Sam got down on his knees. "I love both of you, Todd, Andy, I love you both so much. I'm sorry if I made you think I was angry or disgusted with you." Sam took a deep breath. This was so hard for him to talk about. He pushed his own feelings aside. "You never have to ask me if it's okay to touch your own bodies. Daddies don't own their kid's body. Daddies don't touch their kid's boy parts that way and they don't make their kids touch theirs. It's not okay for a parent to do that. Parents are supposed to protect their children, not hurt them, ever!"

Andy looked into Sam's eyes. "Mommy didn't 'tect us."

Todd hung his head. "Daddy hurt us."

Sam wrapped his arms around Todd and Andy. "I want to be your daddy more than I want anything else in my life. I want you to know I love you so much. Nothing would make me happier or prouder than for both of you to be my son."

Todd and Andy melted in Sam's arms. Both of them clung to him. Both of them began to cry again.

Sam rocked them gently. It felt so good to have them in his arms again. "I love you. I love you," Sam repeated.

"I'm tired," Andy whimpered, and he was gone.

"Andy! Andy! It's dark again," Todd cried out.

"Shhhh, Todd. Andy went to rest. Boomer. It's okay. I'm here. Shhhh."

Todd let his head rest on Sam's shoulder. "Sam, I'm sorry."

Sam rubbed Todd's back. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I'm tired, too," Todd whispered.

"Todd," Susannah said, "Let's get you up and help you to a chair."

Sam looked like he needed help getting up as much as Todd did. Jeff gave Sam a hand. Sam accepted help without protest. He was weary, but he did feel a little better. He always did when he was able to be close to Todd or the children. It gave him some temporary peace.

Frank and Susannah helped Todd up. They walked him over to the comfortable easy chair and helped him sit down.

"I don't feel so good," Todd complained.

"In what way?" Susannah asked.

"I have a headache and my stomach is upset."

Susannah was glad to see he was not using a child's terminology. He was sounding more like an adult. He was coming out of his regressed state. Susannah knew Todd was overdue for his pain med. He was also due for a feeding or something to eat and he needed fluids. "Todd, how about having some breakfast? You can have anything you like."

The mention of food made Todd feel a loss of control and nauseous. Todd shook his head.

"Todd, you need to eat. We all need nutrition. If you want to get strong and healthy, you need to eat."

"Healthy people live longer. Leave me alone."

"Are you saying you don't want to do something to help you stay alive?" Susannah rephrased.

"You said my body is mine. You all say that. If my body is mine then I can do what I want with it. Now leave me alone! I said I don't feel good. My stomach hurts, too."

Susannah was more certain than ever that Todd's anorexia was his attempt to feel in control of his body and his life. She didn't want this to become a power struggle. She would wait a while. If Todd was still out, Susannah hoped he would not fight the tube feeding, along with the administration of some of his meds via the feeding tube. She did not want to have to sedate him or use restraints on him. "Does your stomach hurt a lot?" Susannah asked.

Todd shook his head. He let it drop and so did she. Susannah was surprised that Todd didn't make any attempt to touch his stomach and feel the tube. She hoped the survivor part of Todd knew he had to leave the tube in to sustain his life.

"Todd." Susannah called his name out softly. "We need to talk about what just happened with Andy and Sam. After you rest for a while and let the staff tend to your stomach, I want you to walk to my office for a session." Susannah felt it was best to phrase it like this, rather than mention a feeding or receiving medication. She wanted Todd to remain calm. It was important for him to discuss what happened with Sam and with Andy. She had the feeling Todd was already repressing it.

"I don't wanna talk about it." Todd pulled his knees up and rested his cheek on them. He was getting anxious.

"You need to talk about what happened. We'll stop if you begin to feel overwhelmed."

"I hate being shrunk!"

"I know you do." Susannah knew that ultimately, Todd was in control. If she pushed too hard, he would go inside and she'd be no further along. "But being shrunk is the only way for you to get well and leave here."

"I'm never leaving here. You don't have to pretend to make me feel good. Everyone knows it. Why put me through torture with those sessions?"

"Because I know that you can get out of here. You can become whole and well. There's no easy way to do it, Todd. If there were, I'd be more than happy to let you do it that way. I know you're tired and you don't want to experience the pain that therapy can cause. I won't press you beyond what I know you can endure. You're too young, smart and gifted to let what your father did to you take your life away. You're a fighter and a survivor. It might not feel that way to you now, but you have what it takes to beat this and get well. You don't ever have to fight alone anymore. Honey, you have lots of people who are there for you. I know you might not be able to believe it right now, but you don't ever have to be afraid of being alone with no one to help you again. Now, you can rest for a while and then later I expect you to come to my office for a session." Susannah's firm tone was tempered with gentleness.

"I hate being bossed around! I have a newspaper and I'm the boss there! Everyone is afraid of me. They do what I say." Todd emphasized the word I.

Susannah smiled sadly. Todd sounded like a little boy trying to impress the world with how tough he is. That, in addition to the way he sat clutching his knees to his chest and his youthful appearance, caused her heart to break for him.

"How does it feel to be the one to tell everyone what they have to do?" Susannah asked.

"Good! Nobody makes me do stuff I hate."

"Do you like it when people are afraid of you?"

"Yes!" He answered defiantly, expecting to get a lecture from her on what a bad person he is.

"Then don't you want to do everything within your power to get back to being able to run your paper and instill fear in your employees?" Susannah queried.

Todd looked befuddled. A part of him thought Susannah had just pulled a fast one on him. Another part felt a closeness to her for not judging him.

"I don't wanna go to your office," Todd declared.

Susannah knew this was his way of agreeing to a session, while setting the conditions for that session. "Can you tell me why not?"

"I don't wanna hobble around in the dark again."

"Then how about helping yourself? You mentioned that you would try another session with Ryan Morgan. Are you willing to do that?" Susannah posed.

Todd became anxious. "Everyone will laugh at me."

"Why do you think they'll laugh at you?"

"I told you! I'm stupid! I screw up everything I try. I'll stumble around and make a fool outta myself. Everyone will hate me. They'll be ashamed of me."

"Do you remember me telling you that Ryan said you caught on quicker than anyone he'd ever worked with and that you did very well on your first session with him?" Susannah asked.

Todd sighed. "Yeah. So you were trying to make the loony feel better about himself. Do you get paid extra for that?"

"You can ask Ryan yourself," Susannah pointed out.

"Oh, like he's above being paid to lie to me."

Susannah shook her head and smiled. "Todd, I think you know you really did okay on your last session and that's what you're afraid of more than being laughed at."

"That's stupid! I thought you had to be really smart to become a doctor. If I did okay, I wouldn't be worried that I'd make a fool out of myself."

"Tell me how not seeing is helping you?"

"What!"

"Tell me how not seeing is helping you?" Susannah repeated it. She knew Todd understood her question.

"It's not! I hate being in the dark. I hate having to be helped with everything. I hate not knowing who's near me and not knowing if they're laughing at me."

Susannah hesitated a moment. She quickly tried to decide if Todd was up to hearing that his blindness wasn't physical. Susannah studied him. She saw an anxious look on his face. She saw that his knuckles were white as he grasped the arms of the chair. She noticed his breathing was becoming erratic. She decided he was not ready. She fell back on her original plan. She'd always believed once Todd was willing to learn to function to some degree without his vision, the blindness would be less of a punishment to him and he might be willing to let go of it. The only other thing that might stand in the way of Todd's giving up the conversion disorder was his need not to face what happened the night of his fourteenth birthday. Susannah knew with certainty that Todd was not ready to look at that yet. "Okay, Todd. If you hate it so much, how about giving Ryan another chance?"

Todd sat quietly for a few minutes. Susannah hoped he wasn't tuning her out. "You said you promised to let me stop the blind lessons if I hated them."

Susannah grinned. She was happy to see that Todd did remember their conversation. "Yes. I promised and I still do. You'll be in control of how much independence you want. No one will force you. Will you agree to another session with Ryan?"

Todd nodded.

"Great! I'm very proud of you. That's a brave decision," Susannah praised. "I'll call Ryan and set up a time for him to come here to work with you."

"I'm very proud of you too, Boomer."

Todd was startled. Sam had been sitting quietly since he and Todd had gotten up off the floor. Todd reached out for Sam. Sam rushed to him and took his outstretched hands. "Sam, you'll be ashamed of me again if I flunk the blind lessons. I don't want you to be ashamed of me."

"I could never be ashamed of you. Never. Todd, you've already done so many things to make me proud of you that if you never did another thing, I'd still be proud of you for the rest of my life," Sam stated firmly.

Todd shrugged. They could all see he really didn't believe Sam. "At least maybe I'll stop having such weird dreams," Todd mumbled.

"Do you remember any of these weird dreams?" Susannah asked.

Todd let go of Sam's hands. He hugged his knees to his chest again, and rested his chin on them. "I dreamed Delgado got hurt and I left here and went to see her and then Starr showed up. I know it was a dream because I was able to leave here. I was real scared to leave in my dream and that's dumb because I hate being locked away here. And I was able to be there for Delgado and Starr and nothing terrible happened."

They all exchanged looks. Susannah and her staff wondered why Todd had not asked about Téa or Starr. Sam had been too wrapped up in what was happening to think about it. Now they all knew. Todd still had difficulty separating reality from his dreams. Added to that, his being able to stay Todd and go off the unit and stay strong for Tea and Starr had to seem completely unreal to him. It was understandable that he’d think it was all a dream.

"Todd," Susannah began gently. "That wasn't a dream. Téa was hurt. She's okay now. You did leave the unit and visit her in her room. While you were visiting, Starr showed up. She was worried about you and Téa and she came on her own. You were wonderful with Téa and with Starr. You helped them both very much. You took care of them. You were able to stay out and be there for them both when they needed you. I've spoken with Blair. She said Starr is a much happier little girl since she saw you. You made your daughter feel better about everything, Todd. You made Téa feel safe and cared for."

"It wasn't all a dream?" Todd whispered. He remembered everything Susannah mentioned; only he thought it was part of his dream.

"No. It all happened. You're right. You were there for Téa and Starr and nothing terrible happened." Susannah saw no need to mention Pete coming out when Todd saw Bo and Hank and what ensued afterward, if he didn't bring it up. She knew what that would do to him. While Todd was in control, nothing bad did happen and it was important he realized it.

"Sam." Todd reached out for him again. Sam once again took Todd's hands. "You helped me get to Delgado. I remember now."

"You did good, Boomer. You did real good. I'm very glad I helped you get to see Téa." Sam had a flash of what he had seen the night before. Maybe I hurt him even more by helping him stay close to her? Sam thought.

Suddenly Todd looked frightened. "Is Delgado still okay? How long ago did I leave her? Was it more than a couple of hours? Téa needed to rest for a couple of hours."

Susannah took a deep breath. She gently placed her hand on Todd's arm. "It's been a few days since you saw Téa."

Todd looked shocked. "A-a-a few days," he stammered. He looked shocked. "Is Delgado all right?" Todd's voice trembled.

"Téa is experiencing post concussion symptoms." Susannah was not going to lie to him about this. "That's fairly typical and she should be fine," she added.

"I hate this!" Todd declared loudly. "I'm here, then I'm not, and time goes by that I can't remember. I've hated that my whole life. You make me do this shrink crap. So why can't you fix me? Am I too crazy?"

Susannah took Todd's hand. "No, you're not crazy at all. I know it's very frightening to lose time. I want you to keep in mind that you are protected during those times you can't remember. You're safe. We try very hard not to let anything bad happen to you and to keep you from hurting anyone else. You've made excellent progress recently and you're getting better."

Todd wore a pained expression. He shook his head, as if to clear it. "I don't wanna talk about that anymore. I wanna call Delgado. She's home, right? They said she was supposed to go home the next day and that was . . . you said a few days . . . I hate this!" Todd grit his teeth. He was getting confused. "Never mind. I just wanna call Delgado."

"Todd, you don't have to call Téa beca . . ."

"Sam! Are you still here?" Todd called out before Susannah could finish what she was saying.

"I'm right here, Todd." Sam placed his hand on Todd's shoulder. He was happy that Todd called for him.

"I have a right to make phone calls, right? Even in prison I was allowed to make phone calls. I can call Delgado if I want to?"

"Yes. You have a right to make phone calls . . . maybe calling Téa is not such a good idea though. Why don't you let Viki call her and . . ."

"No! Delgado is my wife! I have a right to call her. Sam, you're my lawyer. I . . . something happened to her and you're not telling me! That's it, isn't it? Something bad happened to Delgado." Todd was beginning to go into a panic.

"No. Todd Téa is here. She's outside. Honey, calm down. Téa is right outside. That's what I was starting to tell you. You don't need to call her because she's here to visit you," Susannah explained.

"Delgado's here?" Todd asked anxiously and timidly.

"Yes." Susannah looked at her watch. She saw it was nearly nine. She decided to level with Todd. "You can see her for a little while. Téa has an appointment for a follow-up CT scan at nine and it's nearly that time now. She's been here for a while. I asked her to wait outside because you were upset."

"It's my fault. Delgado's gonna be mad because I made her wait."

"No. Téa understands. She won't be angry. Would you like her to come in to see you?" Susannah asked.

"No. She's the one who got hurt. I wanna go see her."

Todd is such a mass of contradictions, Susannah thought. She turned toward the door. Some of the staff had been waiting there in case extra hands were needed. "Eileen, will you please tell Téa that Todd is doing much better and he'll be coming out to visit with her?"

"Sure," Eileen said with a smile. She left the room.

"Is it almost nine in the morning or at night?" Todd asked.

"It's morning, Boomer." Sam answered.

"Then Delgado's test isn't an emergency?"

Susannah saw that Todd was still worried. "No. It's not an emergency at all. Todd, you have on pajamas. There's not enough time for you to get washed and dressed before you see Téa. How about we put your warm robe on you and some slippers?"

Todd nodded.

"It's Jeff, buddy. I'm going to put your slippers on your feet and then Frank and I are going to stand on either side of you. You stand up slowly and we'll get that robe on you and get you out to your wife. Okay?"

Todd nodded again. After he felt Jeff put his slippers on him, Todd felt for the arms of the chair and then stood up. They helped him on with the robe.

"You're doing great, Todd. Do you feel any dizziness?" Frank asked.

"No. Come on. Let's go. You said I don't have much time to see Delgado."

They all smiled. "You're right, Todd. Sorry. Let's go." Frank said. They all headed outside.

*********************

Kevin looked at his watch. "Téa, you have to get going. Mom will tell Todd you were here. You can see him after you have the scan and see Doctor Anderson."

"I'm not leaving until I see Todd! They can give my turn to the next person and I'll have the scan later."

"Honey, I don't think it works that way," Viki stated.

"Viki, please. You heard Todd cry out. I thought I heard one of the children's voices. One of them might need me. Just a little longer. You know doctors always tell people to come at a certain time and then they're never ready for you when you get there."

"I guess we can give it a few more minutes," Viki squeezed Téa's hand.

Viki was not only worried sick about Téa. She was scared to death about what was going on in Todd's room. She was frightened for Todd and for Sam.

Kevin was more worried than he'd let on, too. He'd been trying to keep Viki and Téa occupied with conversation about the story he was working on and with Banner office gossip. Finally he gave up and they all sat waiting anxiously and silently. Only Kevin realized that Rachel had not come upstairs yet. He was beginning to become concerned. However, he knew that parking around the hospital was murder at that hour.

They all looked up when Eileen approached them. She told them that Todd had been told Téa has some post concussion symptoms and that she's here to have a follow-up CT scan. "He was told that's typical in most cases," Eileen added.

"You didn't tell him that I fainted did you?" Téa asked anxiously.

"No. He didn't ask about anything like that. If he had, Susannah would have told him the truth though." Eileen then filled them in briefly on what had happened and told them Susannah would go over it with them in more detail later.

"Andy and Todd were both out?" Kevin asked.

"Yes. Todd is developing much more co-consciousness with his alters. He was able to see as well as hear Andy, and they were able to comfort each other. Todd still doesn't seem to fully comprehend that they are his alters. That's okay. This will come in time. Todd has already been through a lot this morning so he's a little fragile," Eileen cautioned.

"I'll wait over by the nurses' station," Kevin offered. "I don't know if he wants me here or not."

Viki stroked Kevin's cheek. "I'm sorry. I know it hurts you that Todd may not want you here. Thank you for understanding. I'm so proud of you."

Kevin blushed. "It's okay, Mom. I know Todd and I have a long way to go." Kevin walked away from Téa and Viki.

A couple of minutes later, they saw Todd, Frank and Jeff walking toward them. Susannah and Sam walked behind.

"Todd, let's stop. Viki and Téa are right here," Frank let Todd know.

Viki walked up to Todd. "Hi, sweetheart." She stroked his head. "How are you feeling?"

Todd shrugged. "Okay I guess. They said Delgado was here."

"I'm right here, Todd," Téa moved closer.

"Can I talk to Delgado alone?" Todd's voice trembled as he asked this. He still hated Téa seeing him like this.

Téa looked at Susannah and pointed to a corner of the hallway.

It would afford Todd and Téa some privacy and Todd would still be close enough for staff to get to him immediately if a problem occurred. Susannah nodded.

Téa placed her hand in Todd's. "Come with me," she said softly.

Todd allowed Téa to lead him away from the others. "Are we alone?" Todd asked.

"Yes," Téa answered. "There's a wall behind you. No one is on either side and I'm standing right in front of you."

Todd reached up until his hand felt Téa's hair. He gently stoked her head. "Are you really okay?" Todd spoke softly. "Your head is really fixed? Doctor Hanen said you had . . ." Todd couldn't remember exactly what Susannah said. "Some kind of symptoms."

"I'm fine. I'm still having some headaches and I get a little dizzy. They told me this might happen and that it's normal."

Téa saw tears well up in Todd's eyes. He threw his head back. He closed his eyes tightly and then opened them. He was breathing deeply through his nose and letting it out through this mouth. Téa could see Todd was trying to keep his tears at bay. Todd swallowed hard. Téa stood still when Todd's hand felt for her face. When he found her cheek, he rested it there and closed his eyes tightly again and kept them closed.

Téa reached up to her cheek and took Todd's hand in hers. She held it pressed firmly to her cheek. She moved her head until her lips made contact with his hand. She kissed his palm and placed her cheek back in it. "It's okay, mi amor. You don't have to hold your feelings in around me. I know this isn't how you want things to be. It won't always be like this. I know it's hard to believe right now, but one day you'll be out of here and we'll have all the time in the world to be alone. You'll be back at the Sun, driving poor Mr. Briggs to drink his weight in Maalox, and you'll be coming down the stairs bellowing my name."

"Don't let yourself count on that, Delgado. I'll disappoint you. I'll disappoint you every time."

Téa squeezed Todd's hand. "You won't. If you don't have faith in yourself, have faith in my belief in you. If, only a couple of months ago, someone had told me we'd be standing here like this now, I wouldn't have believed them. You're going to recover, Todd. You're going to get your life back. I won't lie to you, and I don't think anyone here has ever lied to you. There may be set backs and it won't happen overnight. Querido, I know it will be hard and painful. I also know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you will get well and you will get your life back . . . we'll get our life back."

The tears Todd had been desperately trying to hold back spilled down his cheeks. Todd pulled Téa to him and hugged her tightly. He rested his head on her shoulder. "It hurts so much. I don't think I can do it. I'm scared. I don't wanna remember the things they want me to remember."

Téa held him as tightly as he was holding her. "I know you don't. I wish I could take that part away. I wish I could take away everything that ever hurt you."

"My dad hurt me," Todd whispered in Téa's ear.

Now it was Téa who was not able hold back her tears. "I know he did, querido. I know he did."

"I never knew how to get him to stop hating me." Some of the memories of what Todd just went through came back to him. "Sometimes he would be nice to me and then I'd always end up doing something to make him hate me again. I do that with everybody. They all end up hating me and leaving me."

"Not everyone," Téa said.

Todd let go of Téa. He turned away from her.

Téa put her hands on either side of his face and turned it back, facing her. Téa leaned in. She rested her forehead against his and whispered firmly, "Viki and Sam love you more, not less, every day. They'll never leave you. I love you. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love you. Todd, I once told you that if I have to say it over and over again for the rest of my life, to get you to believe that I love you and I will never leave you, I will. Since you've been in the hospital, you've told me over and over again to get out of your life. You've asked me to divorce you. I'm still here."

Todd began to tremble. "I hear you. Delgado, don't you understand? I hear you! I hear the words. I can't feel it. I can't feel the love. They say I'm safe here. I can't feel safe here or anywhere. You all say you'll never go away forever. I can't feel that. I want to. I want to feel it all so bad!" Todd's jaw was clenched.

"You will. Mi amor, you will."

"No! No I won't! It's broken, Delgado." Todd began to weep.

The others in the area looked toward Todd and Téa. Téa held her hand up, to let them know they should not intervene.

"Tell me. What's broken?" Téa asked.

"The part of me that can feel anything good . . . love . . . safe . . . that people I love will stick around . . . it's broken, Delgado. It's always been broken. I'm not like people. I'm not even human."

"Todd, it's not broken. It was stolen from you. Both of your dads and your mothers stole it from you. You can get it back. I promise. You can get it back."

"What if I can't?" Todd choked out the words.

"Then I'll just keep reminding you for the next hundred years. I'll remind you even when we're both old and wrinkled and sitting on beach chairs in Florida."

Todd sniffed. He wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "I hate Florida."

Téa laughed. "Where would you like to go when we're old?"

"Alaska."

"Alaska?"

"Yeah. It's cold. We'll keep better."

Todd loved hearing the sound of Téa's laughter.

"Starr likes to play in the snow. Maybe her kids will, too. We can have them all come and visit," Téa kidded back.

Todd's expression turned serious. "That's a lot of years. What if it never stops hurting? I don't think I can make it, Delgado. You should look for someone else to grow old with."

"No."

"No?" Todd didn't understand.

"No!" Téa repeated firmly. "Not making it is not an option. It will stop hurting because you'll make it stop. You'll take back the power to hurt you away from your parents. It might be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, but you'll do it. There's no looking for someone else. You're stuck with me, pal. You're gonna be the one who'll have to watch my hair turn gray and watch me put my teeth in a glass at night."

"You're not gonna wear those old lady shoes are you? I really hate those."

Téa laughed again. "I promise, as long as you promise me you won't ever wear plaid pants. Deal?"

"Yeah," Todd whispered. His mood turned serious again. "Delgado, are you really all right?"

"Yes. Please don't worry about me. I'm okay."

"I'm sorry," Todd hung his head and whispered.

"What are you sorry for?"

"Doctor Hanen said it was a few days ago?"

"What was a few days ago?" Téa didn't understand.

"That you got hurt. I went . . . I didn't sta . . . I wasn't there for you!" Todd finally choked the words out. "You got hurt 'cause of me and then I wasn't there for you when you needed me."

"Querido, I understand. I know you couldn't help it."

"I went away," Todd whispered. He hung his head in shame again.

"It's all right. It won't alwa . . ."

"It's not all right!" Todd cut her off. "It's not all right and it's never gonna be all right! I'm too psycho to be there for you! I'm a screw-up!"

"No, you're not! Those are your father's words! You were there for me when I needed you. Do you have any idea how proud of you I am? Don't you think I know how hard it was for you to leave this unit and be there for me and for Starr? I know what that took out of you." Téa stroked his hair out of his face and tucked it behind his ears. "Never, for one moment, am I sorry that I'm your wife. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would. And you wouldn't have to pay me this time." Téa was thrilled to see a small smile appear on Todd's lips when her last remark struck him funny.

"I wasn't gonna throw that in your face again, Delgado."

"I know. I just wanted to make sure you know it."

"You made a lousy deal. Even for five million, you got ripped off."

Téa stroked Todd's cheek. "No, mi corazon. I got the deal of a lifetime. I could teach Donald Trump the art of the deal, and not because I got the money. It's because I got you. I got you in my life. I got to know you and I got to experience that amazing mind of yours, and your sense of humor. I got to see life through your eyes. You took the ordinary and made it spectacular. You showed me the ridiculousness of people who once intimidated me. You trusted me to be the one thing in the world I never thought I could be . . . a good mom." Téa took a deep breath through her nose to maintain her composure. "You have left me in awe of the ability of the human spirit to survive against things that I wouldn't have believed anyone could survive. Todd, I don't just love you. I respect you. I respect you more than anyone I've ever known in my life."

Téa saw Todd was starting to fade away. She grabbed his shoulders. "Todd! Don't go away! Stay with me. It's okay to hear good things about yourself. You don't have to be afraid that the good feelings will get taken away from you or that I'll see what you think is the bad Todd, and I'll change my mind. I won't! I swear, mi amor. I've seen every side of you. There's nothing you can do that will make me change the way I feel about you."

Todd pulled Téa to him again. She could feel him trembling. He held onto her, as if his life depended on it. "I wanna believe you. I wanna feel it. I'm trying. I can't! I'm so scared. What if I never can?"

"You will. I promise you. Todd, I promise you. Someday you'll be able to feel the caring and respect and most of all the love." Téa placed her hands on either side of his face and brought it close to hers. They could feel the other's breath. "Shhhh. It will happen. I'll make it happen. I promise you. You don't have to be afraid."

Téa closed her eyes when she felt Todd's lips on hers. Everything Todd couldn't allow his mind to feel was in his kiss. Téa felt love in his full sweet lips . . . the same lips she would dream about in her sleep. She also felt desperation. Todd kissed her so hard she could feel pressure on her teeth, from his. When his tongue reached deep into Téa's mouth, she felt as if her skin were melting.

Suddenly, Todd pulled away from her. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! You didn't say it was okay. I'm sorry! Oh God. I didn't mean to . . . please! I'm sorry! Don't be mad. Don't be mad at me! Please don't hate me. Oh God." Todd backed away from Téa. When his back touched the wall, he slid down to the floor. His eyes looked glazed over. He hugged his knees tightly to his chest and began rocking and chanting, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I’m sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

***********************

Sam, Viki and Kevin had moved to the lounge, to afford Todd and Téa as much privacy as possible. Susannah and the staff had been observing Todd as unobtrusively as possible. They too tried to give Todd and his wife as much privacy as safety allowed. Now they all turned their eyes on Todd and stood ready to intervene.

Earlier, when Sam and Viki had seated themselves away from Todd, Viki told Sam that Téa was not well. She filled him in on what happened. She told him that Kevin found Téa unconscious, near the tub, and that he couldn't revive her. Viki also told him that Kevin had to carry her to her bed. She told him that Téa's doctor was concerned enough to have her come in for another CT scan.

"Téa was sick? She passed out?" Oh my God. That's why Kevin was carrying her, Sam thought to himself. Sam felt a new guilt wash over him. This time it was for what he had been thinking the night before. Now Sam was more confused than ever. What little faith he had left in his instincts was once again shattered. He didn't know what was true anymore. Sam had sat lost in his own thoughts until he, along with the others heard Todd crying out.

*********************

No one noticed Blair at the unit doors. She had waited in the hospital lobby for Téa and Kevin to leave. Blair knew that, short of some kind of unusual circumstances, she would not be allowed on the unit while Téa or Kevin was present. Blair did know that if she had gone up first, Téa and Kevin would have been asked to wait. Nevertheless, Blair's patience wore thin as her concern grew.

"Screw their damn rules," Blair said through clenched teeth. She threw down the magazine she'd been trying to read. She decided to go up to the unit. Téa and Kevin have been there long enough. They can damn well leave and give me a chance, Blair thought. She could still see Téa resting her head on Kevin's shoulder and Kevin hugging her to him, tightly. "God only knows what they are doing to Todd while they're there," Blair said to herself. Blair had gotten to the unit doors in time to see Todd kiss Téa. She felt as if she'd been kicked in the stomach. She felt her face get hot with fury.

"That filthy, whore bitch!" Blair said out loud. "She's kissing Todd with Kevin's smell still on her." Blair could not believe they were all standing or sitting around and letting this happen. What shocked Blair most of all was seeing Sam standing there with Viki and Kevin, doing nothing to stop this. When Blair saw Todd pull away from Téa and sink down to the floor, obviously suffering, her jealousy became mixed with fear for him. She began to pound on the unit's doors.

******************

"Todd, it's okay." Téa knelt down and put her arms around him. "It's okay. You didn't hurt me. Todd you didn't force me. I wanted you to kiss me. I'm not angry with you. I could never hate you. I love you. Your kiss was beautiful. Todd!"

Susannah, Frank, Terry, Jeff, Angelo and Eileen rushed over to Todd and Téa. Susannah moved close and the others held back, according to Susannah's orders.

Todd's rocking was slowing down. He stopped chanting, "I'm sorry." His eyes were still glazed over and he was still hugging and gently rocking himself. Susannah motioned for Téa to continue talking to him.

*****************

Nancy had rushed to the unit's doors. As soon as she heard the lock turn, Blair pushed the door open, before Nancy could step outside the unit to talk to her. Nancy blocked her path. "Blair, you can't be here right now. Téa and Kevin are here. Please wait downstairs and someone will come for you when they leave."

Blair pushed past her and rushed over to Todd. "Get her away from him. Look what she's doing to him!"

"Blair, you need to leave here now!" Susannah spoke firmly.

"What did she do to him! What have you all done to him! Look at him! Todd! It's Blair. Don't be afraid. I won't let them hurt you!"

Todd continued to rock. He didn't seem to be aware of anyone around him.

Blair tried to make her way to Todd. Frank, Jeff and Terry blocked her way. "Please don't force us to call security," Terry cautioned.

Blair turned around and ran to where Sam and Viki stood. "Sam! Do something! Look what she's done to Todd. Look at him! You know what Téa is."

Kevin grabbed Blair's arm. "Let's go, Blair!" Kevin pulled her toward the unit doors.

"GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME, KEVIN! MAYBE YOU CAN FOOL YOUR MOTHER. I'M ON TO YOU! I KNOW WHAT YOU AND THAT WHORE WANT! YOU'RE DISGUSTING! YOU'RE BOTH DISGUSTING! GOD! I WISH TODD HAD NEVER BEEN BROUGHT HERE!"

Todd was not aware of Blair's presence. What he was aware of was a woman shrieking. The voice seemed to be coming in the distance. She was arguing with a man. The word "disgusting" played over and over again in Todd's mind.

Todd was back in his childhood bedroom. He was hiding under bed. He heard his parents fighting over him. He heard his mother's remarks. He heard his father coming up the stairs. He felt Peter poking him with a baseball bat to get him to come out from under the bed. He felt Peter shaking him and then felt him taking his clothes off. Todd felt the cold metal of the penknife Peter always carried, against his privates. Then he felt Peter squeezing them.

They all saw Todd double over in pain. Blair and Kevin stopped in their tracks. The staff that was approaching them stopped and turned toward Todd.

"Todd. It's all right. No one is going to hurt you. You're safe here. You're in the hospital."

Todd couldn't hear Susannah.

Todd saw his father kneeling over him and felt Peter shove his penis his mouth.

"Mommy! I can't breathe. Mommy help me!" Todd cried out. He gasped for breath as he felt himself choking. The memories bombarded Todd. He was moving quickly through the flashback of the day his mother had been called down to his school. Susannah rubbed Todd's back and Terry held a basin under his chin as Todd began to vomit. They continued trying to sooth him and bring him back to the present.

Todd felt his father tying up his wrists.

They saw Todd raise his arms over his head and bring his wrists together.

Todd felt Peter stroking his penis roughly. It hurt. He felt his father's weight on his legs. He felt himself floating over it all and seeing it happen to another little boy. He heard his mother's voice. "Disgusting!" He heard that word over and over again.

Todd wanted to cover his ears. He couldn't because he felt that his wrists were tied together. He lowered his arms so that his upper arms were pressed against his ears. His wrists remained together.

Todd heard his mother's voice say she would send him away. "I wish we had never brought that child into this house," Todd heard his mother say.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Mommy, I'm sorry! Please don't send me away. I'm scared. I didn't mean to be disgusting. Please don't be sorry I was brought here."

Blair gasped when she heard what Todd said.

"Are you happy now!" Kevin snapped.

Blair rushed back to Todd. Frank and Terry held her back. "Todd! I didn't mean you! Oh God! Todd, I was talking about Kevin and Téa. I meant that you should be home and not in this hospital. Todd! Baby, come on. You have to hear me!"

Todd could not hear any of them as the flashback sped up.

He heard the raised voices of his parents fighting over a phone call. He could not make out what they were saying. He knew he had to help his mother. He heard her screams. Todd felt himself struggling to get his wrists untied. He saw himself going down the stairs with the ties still on. He saw the huge and gleaming knife in his father's hand. His mother's screams vibrated in his brain.

"DADDY'S GOT A KNIFE. DADDY'S GOT A BIG KNIFE! DADDY, DON'T HURT MOMMY!" They all heard Todd scream the same words Andy had screamed.

"Ay dios mio," Téa cried out. She, along with the others, realized exactly what it was Todd was reliving.

Susannah held Todd's shoulders firmly. "Todd! It's not happening now. Todd! I want you to listen to my voice. Listen to my voice, Todd."

It was useless. His reality was what had happened to Andy that long ago day.

Todd saw Peter knock his mother into the wall and saw Barbara fall to the floor, unconscious. He felt his father lift him up. He smelled the liquor on Peter's breath, when Peter held Todd so that their faces nearly touched.

"No, Daddy! I didn't mean to cause trouble. I won't tell. I promise! I won't tell! Please don't want me dead!" Todd begged.

Susannah knew what memory the end of this flashback would bring. She and the staff desperately tried to bring Todd back to reality. Susannah ordered heavy sedation. She, Frank, Jeff, Eileen, Angelo and Nancy held Todd securely. He didn't fight them. He didn't act as if he were even aware of being held.

Téa, Viki, Sam, Kevin and Blair stood frozen as they watched the horror of what Todd was remembering played out in front of them.

Terry rushed to the med room.

"I'll make Daddy like me again." Todd's tone was disconnected.

Todd felt himself kiss his father and put his tongue in Peter's mouth. He felt Peter push him away and saw the furious look on his father's face. Todd felt tremendous terror.

"Daddy, I'm sorry! You didn't say it was okay! I won't ever do it until you say it's okay. I didn't mean to make you mad. I thought you'd like me best if I kissed you like that."

Todd felt Peter slam him down on a table. He saw Peter point the huge knife at him.

"MOMMY SAYS DON'T PLAY WITH KNIVES," Todd screamed in terror, as Andy had.

Terry came running with a syringe. Before she had a chance to inject him, Todd saw his mother grab Peter's arm. As Andy had. He felt the knife plunge deep into him. As Andy had done, when the memory of being stabbed came back to him, Todd lurched forward. His face had the same shocked look on it that Andy's had. Todd gasped out the same words Andy had. "I can't breathe. I can't breathe. It hurts. Daddy tried to kill me. The knife is stuck in me. Mommy!"

Susannah saw Todd's eyes roll back in his head. His skin became pale, cold and clammy. "Hold off!" Susannah called out to Terry. "Get some blankets and pillows. I need vitals done on him."

Todd was gasping for breath. He was limp in their arms as they laid him on the floor.

"Todd! Todd! Querido, come back to me! Don't you die on me! Toooooood!" Téa screamed.

"Kevin grabbed Blair by the shoulders and shook her. "Do you see what you've done!" He pulled her closer to Todd. "Look at him! Look what your jealousy and obsession with his treatment have done to him!"

"It's not my fault!" Blair cried out. Tears poured down her cheeks. "She's the one!" Blair pointed at Téa. "She's the one who did this to him. I saw what she was doing. I saw what both of you were doing. You both did this to him." Blair turned to Viki and Sam. "It's not my fault. They're the ones who are hurting him. I was trying to help him! It's not my fault!"

Téa didn't hear Blair's accusations. Téa was kneeling next to Todd, saying a silent prayer, in Spanish.

Blair heard Nancy say, "His pressure is dropping."

"NOOOOOO!" Blair's scream echoed through the unit.

TO BE CONTINUED

COPYRIGHT 2001 RS/RHFC

This work of fiction is not affiliated with ABC Daytime and is not

endorsed by them. The images, characters, cities and settings are all

copyrighted by ABC Daytime. All material included in these pages is, in my

belief, for educational purposes, in accordance with the "Fair Use Act".