PREVIOUSLY

"Susannah, Todd surfaced." Connie began. "He seemed to be having a nightmare as he was coming out of sedation. He's still really out of it, but he's agitated. He's crying and whimpering. He's calling out for Viki and his mother. He's also complaining that his stomach hurts. I checked the incision and it looks good. His vitals are good, too."

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"Tea, open your eyes. It's Kevin. Come on! Can you hear me?" Kevin patted the cool washcloth over Tea's forehead and neck.

"Kevin?"

"Yeah, it's Kevin. Open your eyes, Tea."

Tea's eyelids fluttered open slowly. It took her a few seconds to focus on Kevin's face. "Kevin, what . . . where's Rachel? What happ . . ." Tea suddenly realized she had no clothes on. "Oh my God! What happened?"

Kevin jumped up. She saw an extra blanket on one of the chairs in the room and covered Tea with it. "You passed out. I found you on the bathroom floor. Todd came back and wanted mom. He's fine, so don't get crazy. Mom didn't want Rachel to miss being with her family for the seder so she called me to come stay with you."

"Todd's back? Is he . . . does he know what they did to him . . . I mean the tube . . . he must be frightened." Tea started to sit up.

Kevin gently pushed her back down. "You're not going anywhere. I'm calling Doctor Anderson to find out if he wants me to bring you back to the hospital."

"Kevin. I'm okay. I . . . felt dizzy . . . the bathroom was all steamy. I stayed in the shower too long."

"People don't pass out from staying in the shower," Kevin stated.

"I didn't know you had a medical degree, Doctor Buchanan."

"Tea, for God's sake! You heard what they told you. If you started to feel worse, you need to call them."

"I will! I'll call first thing in the morning. Right now I want to go see Todd."

"What do you wanna do, freak him out completely?"

"What the Hell are you talking about, Kevin!"

"What if you faint or get sick when you're with him. You know that will send him over the deep end. He has Mom and Sam with him. Susannah is with him. They'll call you if they need you there. Now I need to know what to tell your doctor. Did your head hurt before you fell?"

Tea pulled the blanket up around herself some more. Finding out she passed out was frightening to her, even though she tried to tell herself it was nothing. She also knew what damage it would do to Todd if she did get sick when she was with him. Tea took a deep breath and sighed. "Yes, my head's been hurting and I've had some dizziness."

"You mean all along, even before you came home?" Kevin looked at her sternly.

"Yes," Tea confessed.

"Man! You are as twisted as Todd! No wonder you two found each other. You were supposed to tell someone if you felt that way, Tea!"

"It wasn't that bad. I just need some rest." Tea said defensively.

"We'll let your doctor be the judge of that." Kevin dialed the hospital and asked them if they could get Doctor Anderson to call Tea. They gave him the number for his office. The service would get hold of Doctor Anderson.

The phone rang a few minutes after Kevin had spoken to the doctor's answering service. Kevin filled in Doctor Anderson on what he had walked in on and then handed Tea the phone.

"Yes, I'm still a little dizzy . . . not much . . . not like before. I'm sure it was all the steam in the bathroom . . . a little nausea . . . no, no vomiting . . . Yes, I've been able to eat and keep it down . . . no double vision . . . no mood swings that I know of . . . no weakness in any extremity . . . mostly a headache . . . I don't think so . . . okay, just a minute." Tea felt her head. "No bumps."

"Tell him your head was resting on a thick bathroom rug when I found you." Kevin interrupted.

"Kevin says that when I fell my head landed on a thick soft rug. I'm sure there was no further injury," Tea added to what Kevin told her to say to the doctor. "My neck and back are fine . . . no pain," Tea answered the doctor's next questions. "I have been . . . I've not been doing much but sleeping since I got home . . . tomorrow morning? . . . Doctor Anderson, Todd just came back and I really wanted to see him in the mor . . ." Tea sighed. "All right. I'll come in for another CT scan first thing at nine tomorrow morning . . . Yes, I know I was supposed to follow up with another one anyway . . . No, I won't be alone. Kevin will stay with me until my roommate comes home. Thank you very much, Doctor. I'm sorry to bother you at home. Okay, thanks." Tea handed Kevin the phone. "Happy?" she snapped.

"Don't be a brat!" Kevin snapped back.

"Sorry," Tea muttered. She realized he was right. "I do appreciate you coming over here and finding me. Even though I would have woken up sooner or later."

"Yeah, I know. Tea Delgado doesn't need a soul in the world to take care of her."

"I think I've always done a good job of taking care of myself. I didn't have a mommy to go running to every time I scraped my knee. I learned how to take care of myself. I learned there was no point in crying because there was no one there to dry my tears."

Kevin was quiet for a few moments. "I'm sorry. No kid should have to grow up that way."

"You don't have to pity me, Kevin."

"I'm not. I just wish things could have been better for you."

"It's not like I was abused. So I didn't have someone to kiss my boo-boos away. It taught me to take care of myself. I learned how to clean and bandage my own wounds and make them go away without a kiss."

"What about the wound to your heart, Tea?" Kevin shook his head. "You and Todd are so much alike. Most of his physical wounds have healed and so have your scrapes and cuts. It's your hearts that have never healed. There's no bandage you could put on your hearts. Both of you go through life acting like you don't need anyone until you can't pretend anymore. Todd got to where he can't pretend anymore. You don't want to let yourself get to that point, Tea. I know you've let Todd in. How about letting the rest of us in to help you until Todd can come back to you all the way? We can't kiss your wounds and make them go away, but we can all be your family. You don't have to play tough anymore. You have a whole lot of people around you now who will be there to dry your tears."

Tea burst into tears. After all she had been through in the past few days and with her emotions riding on the surface because of her head injury, Tea could no longer hold back. Kevin sat next to her again and took her in his arms as her body shook with sobs.

"Hey, guys. Am I interrupting something?" Rachel tried to keep her voice light. She had quietly let herself in, in case Tea was sleeping. When she saw neither of them in the living room, like Sam, she headed for the bedroom. Also, like Sam, Rachel's first instinct was to walk out quietly. She had felt a pang of jealousy when she saw Kevin holding Tea in his arms. At first she had thought the worst too. Unlike Sam, Rachel had her all her faculties about her. She quickly realized Tea was crying. She thought she'd make her presence known and give them the benefit of doubt.

Tea pulled away from Kevin quickly. She had done so because she was embarrassed to have yet another person seeing her vulnerable side. To Rachel it appeared as if Tea was caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Tea dabbed at the eyes with the hem of the sheet. That's when Rachel saw she was naked underneath it.

"I can come back later," Rachel said coldly.

"No! Why would you do that?" Kevin didn't understand. "You have to keep a close eye on Tea tonight."

"Kevin," Tea started to protest.

"It's either that or you go to the hospital," Kevin stated firmly.

"Hospital? What's going on?" Rachel's jealousy turned to concern.

"Tea passed out a little while ago. I found her near the tub. She took a shower and became dizzy."

Rachel rushed to the bed and sat down next to Tea. "Girlfriend, are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Kevin is making a big deal out of nothing. I spoke to my doctor and he said I should come in for a CT scan in the morning. There's no emergency. You don't have to stay up all night watching me."

Rachel looked around the room. She pointed to the lounge chair. "I'll be fine right here. It's just for one night. If you wake up and feel anything at all is not right, all you have to do is call softly and I'll hear you. I'm not that sound a sleeper."

"Rach, you don't have to cram yourself on the lounge chair. Sleep on the couch the way you have been. It's okay."

"I think staying here in the room with Tea is the best idea." Kevin added his two cents.

"Good then it's settled. Kevin can go home."

Kevin noticed that Rachel said that a little sharply, still he didn't think anything of it.

"Can I get either of you anything from outside before I go?" Kevin offered.

Both women shook their heads.

"I'll be here to pick you up for your doctor's appointment at eight fifteen," Kevin announced.

"You don't have to do that. I can take a car service or Rachel will drive me." Tea hated having anyone making decisions for her or taking over her life in anyway. She suddenly had the tiniest inkling of how horrible it must be for Todd to have no say in his own life.

"Tea' s right. I can drive her. You don't have to come here first thing in the morning." Rachel assured him.

Kevin thought about it for a few seconds. "What if she starts to feel dizzy and needs help walking? No, I'll be here. I can drive both of you there. If you want and I can pick you both up when Tea's ready to go home."

"I'm capable of driving my friend to the hospital and helping her, Kevin!" Rachel snapped.

"Hey guys! Remember me?" Tea called out sarcastically. She hated that they were going on about this as if she weren't in the room. "Look, I appreciate you both fighting over me, but honestly, I don't give a damn if neither of you drive me. I can make a call for a car. The thing I do care about is getting there early enough so I have time to go see Todd before my appointment."

"No problem. I'll be here at seven-fifteen," Kevin said. "That should give you plenty of time to go see Todd."

Rachel cast him an annoyed look. She then turned to Tea. "Do you want me to go with you?"

Tea realized Rachel was upset. She didn't, however, have the complete picture of why. "Thanks, Rach. I would like that."

"The number for Doctor Anderson is by the phone in here. If you need him, his service will get him right away." Kevin informed Rachel.

"Thanks. Don't worry. I'll check on Tea often." Rachel's tone was more even. She hated that she still felt some jealousy now that she knew Kevin had been caring for Tea because she was sick. A tiny part of Rachel still wondered if that was all there was to it . . . concern for a sick friend.

"So how was the seder?" Kevin asked.

"Rachel, I'm sorry. Yes, how was the seder?" Tea added.

"It was very nice. Bill is the greatest and his kids are adorable. They had a great time. Your grandparents were there. I think Asa got a kick out of Bill's kids . . . Oh," Rachel smiled. "Mom even invited Bill's dog Patches. I think Mud found a new friend. I brought a lot of goodies home. I put them in the little mini fridge before I came in here. Can I get either of you something?"

Kevin and Tea both said they weren't hungry. "What I would really like is to get a nightgown on," Tea pulled the blanket up a little to emphasize her request, "and to get a good night's sleep. Rachel. I'm really feeling a lot better. Please promise me you won't stay up all night watching me."

"I promise, only if I sleep right next to your bed on the lounge chair."

Tea smiled. "Okay, but if you wake up with a backache don't blame me." Tea turned to Kevin. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Yeah. Have a good nigh, both of you." Kevin declared.

"I'll walk you out," Rachel told him.

Kevin waited to see if Rachel was going to ask him to stay a while. Rachel waited to see if he said he wanted to. When neither of them said anything, Kevin broke the silence by saying, "You take good care of her."

Even though that was not what Rachel had been waiting for Kevin to say, she certainly did care about Tea. "I will. Don't worry. I'll call you if there is any problem."

"Good," Kevin replied. "Well . . . uh . . . I'm happy you had a good time with your family. It must be nice to be home again . . . I mean . . ." Kevin smiled. Rachel could see he was uncomfortable. "You get some rest, too. I'll see you both in the morning. Good night."

Rachel closed the door behind him. She sighed and went back to see if Tea needed help getting ready for bed.

***********************

The staff had been able to keep Todd fairly calm. He was still feeling the effects of the sedation and that helped.

Viki arrived before Susannah. "How is he?" she asked immediately when Carl let her onto the unit.

"He's agitated and confused, but not too bad. He hasn't required any additional medication, other than his painkiller. He's still really out of it from the last sedative Jimmy was given."

"Is he still calling for me and his mother?"

"Yes. Then he's silent for long periods of time," Carl informed her.

"Is Sam with Todd?" Viki asked.

"No, we don't know where Sam is?"

"What!" Viki was shocked.

"He's not in the lounge or the cafeteria. We think he might have gone out for a walk or something."

"Did you try calling his cell phone?" Viki was worried to death. She knew this was not like Sam.

"Yes. It doesn't seem to be turned on." Carl answered.

Now Viki was really scared. Sam never turned his phone off when he was away from Todd. She didn't realize that Sam's memory was not what it used to be. He kept it off as not to disturb Jimmy. When he left, he forgot to turn it back on.

"I'll be in with Todd. If you hear from Sam, please let me know," Viki requested.

"Sure," Carl promised.

********************

"Mama . . . I'm scared . . . Viki . . . don't leave me . . . please . . . it hurts . . . he hurt me . . . please! . . . don't go away." Todd was crying out and moaning softly when Viki walked into his room. She rushed to his side.

"Todd, it's Viki. I'm right here, baby." Viki took his hand. "I'm never going to leave you. I'm here. I won't let anyone hurt you ever again." A flash of Viki's dream came back to her. She shuddered and quickly pushed it out of her mind.

"Viki?" Todd reached out with his other hand.

"Yes, sweetheart. It's Viki. I'm right here."

"Everything feels weird . . . floaty . . . I don't like it . . . my stomach hurts."

Susannah rushed into the room in time to hear what Todd said. "Todd. It's Doctor Hanen. Does your stomach hurt a lot?"

"Not as much as before."

They noticed that Todd's speech was slightly slurred. "Does it hurt more when you move around?" Susannah asked.

Todd shook his head. "It just hurts. I don't feel good. I feel weird."

"Todd you were given some medication to help you relax and sleep. That's why you feel weird."

"I don't want drugs. I told you. I don't like feeling weird. He wants to control me. I'm too noisy. I didn't mean to wake him up. I had bad dreams. I don't want the medicine. I can't think in school when he gives me medicine. The teachers get mad at me. He's making you give me drugs. He hates me."

Susannah and Viki exchanged confused looks. "Who is it that gives you drugs and wants me to give you drugs?"

"Asa and Bo . . . no my dad . . . no it's Asa . . . Asa and Bo. They don't like it when I have bad dreams and wake them up. They have to go to work in the morning. They make me take their sleeping pills. I don't like the way it feels. It makes me feel funny when I wake up. They want me to be crazy. He says I'm crazy."

Susannah knew he was most likely confusing something that really happened with Peter, with his fears that the Buchanans were the ones doing this to him. "Was it your dad who said you were crazy?"

"He said only crazy kids have nightmares all the time. He said he was ashamed of me . . . no son of his would be crazy." Some tears slid out of the corners of Todd's eyes and hit the pillow. "He said mama is crazy, too. He said her brain is all pickled. He said one of these days he's gonna call the men in white coats to come and get here and lock her away 'cause she's an embarrassment to him. He said she disgusted him. I don't want Mama to get locked away. I don't want the men to come and take her away. I'm an embarrassment to him and disgust him, too. He'll have me locked away, too. They make you give me drugs so I don't wake them up in the middle of the night. It makes my brain crazy. I can't think straight and the teachers get mad. Mama's gone now. They called my dad and told him I fall asleep in class. He was mad at me because now he couldn't give me the pills anymore. He made me stay up from Friday night to Sunday. He had to make a man out of me and teach me self-control. He had to teach me how to stay awake no matter how tired I was. He wouldn't give me anything to eat and only water to drink. He only let me go the bathroom twice each day. If I started to fall asleep . . ." Todd suddenly pulled his hand back sharply and screamed out in pain. He curled into a fetal position.

"What happens if you start to fall asleep?" Susannah pressed gently.

"He stabs my hand with that sharp thing from his tool box or pinches it with the pliers. My dad looks funny. His eyes look funny. He talked real fast that weekend. He moved around fast too. "No! Dad! Don't die! Daddy! Daddy! Don't leave me."

"Todd, tell me what's happening. Why do you think your dad's gonna die?" Susannah asked.

"On Sunday night he started to get all sweaty and he sat down at the kitchen table. He put his hand on his chest. He said his heart is beating so fast. He looked sick. He said it was all my fault. I drove him to it. I made him have to keep himself awake. Daddy! Don't leave me all alone. I'm scared! He said 'don't think that whore will come back to you if I die. She left because she didn't want to be around you. You'll go to an orphanage or to jail. They'll know you killed me.' I didn't! Daddy, I don't want to kill you. Please don't go away. I don't want to go to an orphanage or jail. Daddy!" Todd was getting more agitated.

Susannah didn't want him to go into a full-fledged flashback. "Okay, Todd. Shhhh. It's not happening now. You're safe here. You're in the hospital, in your own room. Viki's right here. Shhhh, you don't have to think about it anymore." Shhhh.

"I don't want my dad to die. He said his heart is going a mile-a-minute."

"Your dad didn't die then, Todd. He lived many years past that. I think what happened was your dad took some pills to keep him awake and they made his heart race. It wasn't your fault. You didn't make him do it." Susannah tried to get him to see the reality of the situation.

"I did. He wouldn't have had to stay up with me if I wasn't bad in school. I made them call him. He was trying to help me. He was trying to make a man out of me and teach me how to have self-control."

Viki, Susannah, and the staff that were in the room knew that Peter had twisted Todd's perception to such an extent that he didn't know up from down. He could not recognize Peter's sadistic cruelty as anything but discipline and deserved punishment. Todd also needed, so desperately, to believe Peter loved him that, in his own mind, he had to turn these acts of torture into displays of love and caring.

"Viki, are you still here?" Todd asked meekly.

"I'm here, sweetheart." Viki took his hand again.

"Don't you go away," Todd whispered.

"Never. I'll always be here with you," Viki swore to him.

"Is Sam here?" Todd asked.

Viki and Susannah exchanged looks. "He went out for a little while. He should be back soon," Susannah said quickly.

"Sam hates me," Todd said softly.

"Oh, baby. No. Sam loves you. He loves you with all his heart." Viki couldn't bear for him to think that.

"Sam thinks I'm disgusting because of what I let my dad do to me."

Viki held onto Todd's hand firmly. "Todd, you need to hear me. Sam loves you. He does not think you're disgusting because of what your dad did to you. You did nothing wrong. Your dad abused you. Sam wishes he had recognized what was happening to you and wishes he had rescued you. Sam is angry with himself for not seeing what your dad was doing to you and taking you out of that house." Viki hoped he was allowing himself to really listen to her.

"Sam had his own kids. They were good. He loved them. He went home to them. He didn't want a kid like me. He must've known I was such a loser and a disgusting pervert." Without warning, Todd gouged the nails of his right hand deep into his left arm. He left a trail of blood. "I HATE MYSELF!" he shrieked.

Susannah and Dave grabbed his wrists. "No hurting yourself, Todd. That's not okay," Susannah said firmly.

"I DESERVE TO BE PUNISHED! I HATE MYSELF! SHE SAW! SHE SAW! SHE KNEW WHAT I WAS LETTING HIM DO! SHE HATES ME! SAM HATES ME! LET GO! I DESERVE TO BE HURT! HURT ME! YOU HURT ME!"

Todd suddenly stopped struggling. He looked at everyone in the room. They could tell by his eyes and facial expression that he had switched. Susannah and Dave released his wrists. Connie had already gone to get what Susannah needed to clean up Todd's arm.

"Mommy hates me," he whispered slowly, in a detached voice. He curled up into a ball and pulled the sheet and blanket over his head.

They all recognized Andy's voice. Susannah new something was going on with Todd to cause Andy's sudden re-emergence. She was happy to see him come out spontaneously. Susannah knew his depression needed to be addressed and his coming out on his own was a fair indication that he might be ready to confront his issues. She also knew it could mean that Goodone, Mike or someone else in the system wanted Andy out and forced him.

"Hi, Andy. We haven't seen you for a while. We've missed you," Viki tried.

Susannah remembered that last time Andy had been out, he disclosed devastating accounts of sexual and physical abuse. She remembered Andy telling them that his mother had been called down to his school because he had been masturbating in class. He went on to tell them that Barbara Manning had acted cold to him when she got him home and a horrible argument with between Barbara and Peter had occurred when Barbara confronted Peter on sexually abusing him. Andy had heard his mother call what he had done disgusting. He heard her tell Peter that he'd be better off dead than living the kind of life Peter was giving him. He heard her tell Peter he would turn his son into a pervert. The very words Todd had just used.

Susannah remembered the other things Andy had disclosed about that day. Peter had made sure that Andy understood his body did not belong to him. Peter told him that he could only make it feel good if he said it was okay. Peter went on to force oral sex on the child, only this time; a drunken Barbara Manning had walked in on them. Andy heard her say, "I wish we had never brought that child into this house." In his six-year-old mind that was the same as her saying she wished he'd never been born. He'd also heard his mother attempt to call Victor Lord and threaten Peter with calling the mysterious James Porter.

As devastating as this part of the disclosure was to Andy, the worst for him was the memory of Peter beating Barbara for her attempted call and her threats. Andy had felt totally responsible. The most physically and emotionally traumatic revelation of all was Andy's disclosing that Peter grabbed a "big knife" from the kitchen and threatened both he and his mother with it. Andy, thinking that's what his father wanted since he had forced the child to do it many times, kissed Peter on the mouth and put his tongue in his father's mouth. This had only enraged Peter. He always had to be the one in control and the one with all the power. He somehow felt this tiny six-year-old was forcing him. Because of this, Peter had thrown Andy down and held the knife on him. When Barbara had attempted to get the knife away, Peter pulled his arm away and accidentally plunged the knife into Andy. Andy almost died of his wounds, when they became infected. To keep the family's secrets from becoming known, Doctor Evans had come to the house to treat Andy. Andy had nearly gone into shock after disclosing this. Shortly after he acted as if nothing was wrong and then he went inside. He had not come out again until now. Some of the other alters had reported that Andy seemed to be in a deep depression all this time.

"Andy, tell me again why you think Mommy hates you," Susannah prompted.

"'Cause Daddy likes me best," Andy cried out from under the blankets and sheet.

Susannah knew this was the way he referred to being the one Peter got the most pleasure out of sexually abusing. In part, Peter's pleasure was seeing the child's body respond to the physical stimulation. Because of this, Andy was the one Peter gave the most affection to during molestation. This was the only time Peter held, hugged, spoke nicely to, and showed any signs of love to this child. This part of it was what caused Andy's greatest shame and confusion. He craved all the good feelings while hating what he had to endure to get them.

"Mommy doesn't hate you, Andy. Mommy felt very bad that Daddy was hurting you. She wanted to make him stop and she didn't know how. It was your daddy that mommy was angry with, never you." Susannah emphasized the word never.

Susannah and Dave stood close to the bed. They knew one of Andy's favorite means of escape was to crawl under the bed. Right now he was taking his refuge under the sheet and blankets.

"Andy, do you think you can come out from under there and talk to us?" Susannah coaxed.

She saw Andy shake his head.

"Can you tell me how being under there helps you?" Susannah pressed.

"It's like being dead and in the dark." Andy replied in a muffled voice.

Susannah saw the pained expression on Viki's face.

"Do you want to be dead?" Susannah asked Andy.

"Uh huh," Andy replied.

"Do you think about hurting yourself?" Susannah continued.

"Un huh." They could see Andy's head nod under his protective cover.

"Do you think about how you will hurt yourself?" Susannah asked.

"I'm gonna take a big knife and cut my boy parts off and then I'm gonna cut my tongue off and then push the knife in my heart and then cut my head off."

Viki tightly covered her mouth with her hand to keep from gasping. She could not believe sweet, playful, funny and mischievous Andy had such ideas. Andy always seemed to be the one to get over things faster and easier than the others. Even right after his disclosure, the last time he was out, his sweet smile had lit up his face when Sam had done some card tricks for him.

"How would it help you to hurt yourself in those ways and then be dead?" Susannah asked him.

"I'd make everything bad go away. Sam!" Andy suddenly popped out from under his sanctuary and cried out.

Everyone in the room exchanged uncomfortable glances again.

Susannah sat down on the bed. "Andy, Sam had to go out for a little while. He'll be back soon. Viki has missed you so much. I know she'd like to visit with you for a while."

"Sam's mad at me. I'll be good. I'll be his best boy. I'll stay quiet and do what he tells me. I won't tell Mommy. I want Sam!" Andy began to cry.

"Sweetheart, Sam didn't know you�d be here. He had to go out. I'm sure he'll be back soon. Would you like to go see your dinosaurs?" Viki suggested.

"I want Sam!" Andy wailed. "He doesn't really wanna be my daddy, too. He hates me. He's mad and Mommy thinks I'm disgusting and a prewurt. Viki's not my sister any more and she won't let me live with her."

"No, oh sweetheart, no." Viki sat down on the other side of the bed and pulled Andy into her arms. At first he tried to pull away, but then snuggled into her. "Andy, I will always be your sister. Baby, I love you so much. I want you to come home and live with me forever and ever." Viki kissed the top of his head. "I don't want you to hurt yourself. I'd be so sad. That would make me sadder than anything else in the world."

"Sam won't come and live with us. He don't wanna be my daddy, too. He thinks I'm nasty."

"No!" Viki stated firmly. "Sam does not think that, not at all." Viki began to rock Andy. "Sam will be so happy when he comes back and finds out that you're here. He's missed you so much. Do you know what Sam will do when he sees you?" Viki looked into Andy's eyes. She saw pain there instead of the twinkle that would often be in them.

Andy shook his head.

"Sam will smile, from ear," Viki tickled Andy's right ear, "to ear." She tickled the left one.

Nothing, at that moment, could have meant more to Viki than the small smile she saw on Andy's face.

Andy moved around in Viki's arms and cried out in pain. "My tummy hurts!" Andy's hand reached for the left side of his abdomen, where the PEG tube was.

Viki gently held onto his hand before he could touch the tube.

"Andy, your tummy's going to be a little sore for a few days because there's a tube in your tummy. It'll . . ."

Andy started to cry before Susannah had a chance to say anymore.

Viki held him tightly and close to her heart. "Shhhhh. Sweetheart, it will hurt a little less each day. You don't have a tube in your nose anymore. The one in your tummy helps you eat so you stay nice and healthy."

"I don't want a tube in my tummy. Take it out. I don't like it. It hurts. Take it out!" Andy continued to cry.

Susannah came around to the side of the bed where Viki sat holding Andy. She knelt down to be in Andy's line of vision. "Andy." He continued to cry. "Andy, you need to listen to me."

Andy looked at Susannah as tears continued to fall down his cheeks. "I don't like it. My tummy hurts," he whimpered.

"Andy, I want you to think before you answer me. Does your tummy hurt a lot or a little?"

Andy sat quietly for a few seconds. "A little," he answered, honestly.

"Are you more upset because the tube scares you than because it hurts?" Susannah guessed.

Andy nodded.

"Do you want to see it?" Susannah offered.

Andy shook his head.

"Okay, you don't have to. I promise it's not going to hurt more than it hurts now and every day it will hurt less. It's just like the tube that was in your nose. Food goes into it. You won't be able to taste that food. You can still eat and drink anything you want the regular way. The tube has to be cleaned a couple of times a day and we'll make sure that it doesn't hurt you when we do that. Andy, you need to promise us that you won't touch the tube or play with it or try to take it out. Can you promise that?"

"If it keeps hurting will you take it away?" Andy inquired.

"If it hurts, we'll make it stop hurting. Now can you promise us that you won't touch the tube in any way?" Susannah pressed.

Andy thought about it for a few moments. Susannah was happy to see that. She knew he would take any promise he made seriously. Andy nodded.

Viki held Andy tightly pressed to her. "What a good boy you are. We're all so proud of you and I know Sam will be, too. I'll tell him how brave you are as soon as he comes back."

Connie had been waiting outside the door with the bandages, antiseptic and antibiotic ointment. She figured, one trauma at a time. Andy had not even noticed his arm. It was still bleeding slightly. Connie approached him. They once again stood ready, should Andy try to dive under the bed. "Andy, look what I have . . . your favorite bandages, the ones with the Flintstones on them."

Andy didn't react the way they expected. He seemed to take no special joy over the mention of the Flintstones. He only shrugged and looked up at Connie. They could all see he was still suffering from depression.

"Andy," Susannah began. "I'm going to clean and bandage your arm. There's a boo-boo on it. It may sting for a few seconds and then it won't hurt at all."

As expected, Andy tried to get under the bed. "NO!" he shrieked.

Dave grabbed him and held him tightly. "Take it easy, buddy. It won't be so bad. You heard Doctor Hanen. It'll just sting for a few seconds and then you get to pick a Flintstones bandage."

"I WANT SAM! HE SAID HE WANTS TO BE MY DADDY. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH ME. ONLY DADDY! I WANT SAM! I WANT SAM! I'M NOT GONNA BE NICE TO YOU. YOU CAN PUNISH ME. I DON'T CARE! I'M ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE NICE TO DADDY! YOU STAB ME! YOU PUSH THE BIG KNIFE INTO MY HEART. PLEASE! MOMMY HATES ME. DADDY LIKES ME BEST! I WANT SAM! I WANT SAM! I WANT SAM!"

More staff came running in. Andy was fighting them with all his strength. He was escalating more and more by the second. No one's words were getting through to him. He was not able to hear them over his own anguish. Even though he was always afraid of any medical procedure, this was extreme behavior for Andy. Susannah knew the male staff touching him was causing further distress. She ordered another sedative, one that was right for Andy. Luckily he had not dislodged his IV. Since it was given IV, the medication worked almost immediately. Andy stopped struggling and became limp in their arms. When Susannah released his head, it fell to the side. He was whimpering softly and then he became silent as he fell into a deep sleep. They carefully laid him down and took care of his arm. They checked the PEG tube. It was okay.

Viki pulled the sheet and blanket up over Andy. Her tears fell on them as she tucked him in. Susannah put her arm around Viki's shoulder and led her to the lounge area outside Todd's room.

"Susannah, I can't believe Sam would just disappear this way. I don't know whether to be worried sick or furious with him. That child needed him and he was nowhere to be found. Not even a note or a phone call." Viki's anger quickly dissipated. "This is not at all like Sam. He's usually worried that Todd or one of them might need him if he only goes as far as the cafeteria or family lounge." Viki's voice trembled. "Do you think something happened to him?"

******************

The downstairs buzzer startled Blair. She could not imagine who'd be coming to see her at this hour. Even Dorian would have called first, this late at night. Blair pulled her robe around herself. She had been upstairs watching Starr sleep. Starr's cold was nearly gone, but Blair still felt compelled to watch over her as much as possible. She was hoping the bell wouldn't wake Starr. "Yes," she said into the house phone. Sam? Oh God. Something must have happened to Todd, Blair thought. "Yes, Ralph, send him up, please!" Blair's heart began racing so fast she could hardly catch her breath. It pounded loud in her ear. Blair had the door to the penthouse open as Sam got off the elevator. Sam's appearance frightened her even more. He looked awful. She was sure something terrible had happened to Todd. "What is it, Sam? What happened? Is it Todd's heart? Did he have those bad seizures again? Did he hurt himself? Is it that new tube? Did he get an infection?"

"What?" Sam seemed dazed. His color was bad. His eyes were bloodshot and slightly puffy, as if he'd been crying. Blair took his hand. It was ice cold. If she had felt his neck and cheeks, she'd see that they were cold, too. Sam had been walking around in the chilly air for a long time, since he left Tea's hotel room.

Blair put her hands on Sam's arms and shook him. "Sam! For God's sake! Is Todd hurt or sick?"

"No . . . no . . . he was fine when I left . . . physically . . . uh . . . Jimmy . . . yeah . . . Jimmy was out."

"Then . . . wha . . . Jesus, Sam! You nearly scared me to death." Blair put her hand on her chest as she caught her breath. She saw that something was most definitely troubling Sam. She put her hand on Sam's elbow. "Let's go sit down."

Sam let Blair lead him to the couch. Blair noticed Sam moved slowly. He sat down heavily. "I want to see those pictures."

"Pictures?" For the moment, Blair had no idea what pictures he was referring to.

"Come on, Blair! The pictures you showed me that day. The ones of Tea and Kevin."

Blair was stunned. "Um . . . sure . . . just a second. They're in the safe. Can you tell me why you want to see them?"

"I just do," Sam responded without looking at her. His voice was detached.

Blair opened the safe and pulled out the clasp envelope with the incriminating pictures. She walked over to Sam and held them out. "I have the negatives and can make more," Blair stated, just in case Sam had any idea about destroying them.

Sam looked at each one. His eyes traveled over Tea and Kevin embracing outside of Todd's hospital window . . . embracing again on the street . . . Tea's standing with her robe open, as she and Kevin stood in her doorway . . . the two of them toasting each other and laughing as they picnicked in the park. Vivid pictures of Tea, naked, except for a towel, in Kevin's arms, nuzzling his neck, being carried to her bed assaulted Sam's mind.

"Sam, can you tell me what all this is about? Why do you need to see those pictures now, at this hour? Why do you need to see them at all? What's going on?" Blair was nervous. She didn't know if Sam was there to help her or to act against her. Did he come because he was on her side or did Viki or Susannah or Kevin and Tea talk him into going against her?

"Viki loves Todd," Sam said softly.

Blair looked at him. She knew she had to tread lightly. She tested the waters. "Yes, I know. Viki loves Todd very much. I'm just not sure she knows what the right thing for him is."

"She trusts Susannah. She trusts Tea and Kevin."

"Maybe her trust is misplaced?" Blair stated. When she saw that Sam didn't argue, she continued. "Viki is personally involved with these people. She feels she owes her sanity to Susannah. Kevin is her son. Tea has made sure to ingratiate herself into Viki's heart. Viki may not be the best judge of what is right for Todd anymore."

Sam sat stoned-faced. Blair could not tell what he was thinking. "You know Asa." Sam spoke in a monotone. "When he wants revenge on someone, is there anything he'll stop at?"

"Sam," Blair began honestly. "The one thing Asa and I had in common, the most, was a taste for revenge. Todd has that taste too, but not the way we did. Todd was driven to it, but his conscience always bothered him. Not Asa." Blair looked down. "And most of the time not me. I understand that in Asa. Asa can be a softy in some ways, but there is nothing he won't do to get back at someone if he thinks they hurt him and his. Can you tell me why you're asking?"

Sam shook his head without looking at Blair. He looked around the room. "There's lots of glass . . . windows . . . doors."

Blair tried to take a guess at what Sam meant. She saw that he was not able to make much sense. "The glass can be changed to shatter proof glass. The locks on the terrace doors can be made much safer. Todd can be safe here, Sam."

Sam nodded without replying. He stared off into space.

"Sam, how about a cup of hot coffee or cocoa? You look cold."

"Coffee. I could use some coffee," Sam's voice was barely audible.

"I'll be right back. You stay here. Okay? You'll wait for me to get back?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah."

While Blair got the coffee, Sam thought back to what he had seen that night. There was still a part of him that could not believe it, not about Tea, or Susannah, certainly not about Viki and not even about Kevin. Kevin was so good with Timmy and Adam. Could it all really be an act? Sam no longer had any faith in his judgment or instinct. Sam put his head in his hands and ran his fingers through his hair. He shook his head. "No, it can't be true," he whispered to himself. He stood up. "Blair," he called loudly. "Never mind the coffee. I have to go."

"Sam, wait!" Blair came running back into the room. Blair ran out into the hallway just in time to see the elevator doors close. "Damn!" she cried out and went back into the apartment.

*********************

Viki was sitting by Andy's bed. Despite the heavy sedation he was whimpering and crying in his sleep. Viki tried stroking his head and rubbing his back. She sang lullabies to him and told him stories. She even had them bring in the T.V. and she played a Flintstones video for him hoping some part of his brain would hear it and it would calm him. He continued to cry and whimper. Earlier, Andy had wet the bed. They changed him and checked him every hour. He was dry. They checked his incision and they checked for bloating. There was no problem. There was no physical reason that they could find that was distressing Andy.

Sam walked quietly into the room. Viki was flooded with relief and then quickly flooded with anger. Before he had a chance to say anything she walked over to him. "I need to talk to you, out in the hall."

Sam heard the anger in Viki's voice. He followed her into the hallway. She led him away from Todd's room. They stood near the front doors to the unit.

"Andy's out," Viki began. "Before that Todd came back. Both of them were crying for you. Where the Hell were you!"

Guilt washed over Sam. "I went out. I-I needed to get out of here for a while. Jimmy . . . Jimmy was out . . . he didn't notice if I was here or not. I-I-I didn't know Todd was going to come back . . . Andy? Andy came back?" Sam was surprised. He wasn't sure he heard right.

"Yes, Todd was only out for a little while. He thought . . ." Viki took a good look at Sam. Tears sprung to her eyes. She realized her fury with him was driven by how frightened she had been for him. She saw she had reason to be. He looked terrible. Viki didn't have the heart to add any more to his quilt.

"He thought what?" Sam pressed.

"He thought he was in the past. You know how confused he gets. He goes back and forth in reality. Todd remembered the disclosure he made about Peter forcing him to engage in oral sex. Susannah thinks that's what might have caused Andy to come out. She thinks Andy might be ready to work on some of his issues."

"How is he? Timmy and Thomas said he was depressed." Sam remembered.

"He still is." Viki took Sam's hand. It was as cold as Todd's hands usually were. All the anger she felt left her. "Honey, let's go sit down." Viki walked him to the couch that was away from the staff and near the front window of the unit. For a few minutes they both stared at the lights of Llanview.

Sam looked into Viki eyes. "You said they were both crying for me."

"Yes," Viki admitted. "Todd was only out for a short time. Connie called me at Tea's and told me that either Jimmy or Todd had a nightmare and Todd surfaced. He was upset and wanted his mom and me. I called Kevin and asked him to come stay with Tea so Rachel could stay with her family."

"You told Kevin to go stay with Tea?" Sam asked.

"Yes, I didn't want Rachel to have to come running home. Tea is still not feeling well. She tries to hide it, but I'm worried about her."

She seemed to be feeling fine when I saw her, Sam thought to himself.

"Connie also called Susannah and she rushed back to the hospital. Todd was upset because he was having memories of what Peter did to him. He's still blaming himself for going along with it. That's when Andy came out. Before that Todd made another disclosure." Viki took a deep breath. "Maybe we should talk about this in the morning. You look like you could use some sleep"

"Tell me!" Sam sounded frantic.

Viki continued. "Todd remembered Peter forcing him to take sleeping medication so he wouldn't keep him up at night, crying out with nightmares."

"That bastard! He gave him the nightmares!" Sam said through clenched teeth.

"I know. There is no end to the horrors Peter put our Todd through. Honey, there's more. Are you sure you . . ."

Sam cut her off. "Tell me."

The pills made Todd groggy in school and he fell asleep in class. They called Peter to the school. I guess that son of a bitch realized he couldn't give Todd those pills anymore. He forced Todd to stay awake one weekend, from the time he came home from school on Friday until Sunday night. He wouldn't give him anything to eat . . . only water. Viki smiled.

"What? What's so funny?"

"It seems for once Peter got a taste of his own medicine, literally. From what we can gather, he took some kind of stimulant to keep himself awake so he could dole out the punishment. He had an adverse reaction to it or took too much. He thought he was having a heart attack."

"He should have. He should have died then." Sam spat out the words.

"I agree. Unfortunately, the incident terrified Todd. Barbara was gone by then and Peter made sure to use what he thought was going to be his last breaths to tell Todd he would either go to an orphanage or to jail for murdering him."

Sam shook his head. A tear slid down his cheek.

"This disclosure has given Susannah some idea about why Todd and most of the alters are terrified of taking drugs. Todd was confusing what his father did with thinking Asa and the rest of the Buchanans are paying Susannah off to drug him and keep him . . . in his words . . . crazy. Susannah's beginning to see why Todd feels such a loss of control when he thinks of taking drugs, and why he believes that they would only be used to hurt him. She feels this will help when she begins medication sessions with him."

Sam couldn't decide what he thought. "Viki . . . I . . . we . . . I know we both decided about allowing Susannah to give Todd all these drugs . . . maybe he's . . . I mean what if they are hurting him and keeping him sick?"

Viki was shocked that Sam would think that. "You think we made the wrong decision? I never wanted him on Dilantin . . . I was . . . I still am afraid he could get Lupus or some kind of blood disorder. Honey, I realized you were right. We had no choice. Todd has not had a seizure in a while. What if I had said no?"

"I don't just mean the anticonvulsant. I mean all of them. Viki, what if I find some kind of hospital that believes in natural treatment, maybe some kind of herbs or massages or exercise programs. We can go with him. We . . ."

"Are you suggesting we take him out of Susannah's care?" Viki was astounded.

Sam desperately wanted to get his thoughts straight. He wanted to make his point. "We could try. Maybe for a couple of months? Maybe somewhere really warm? Todd's always so cold. They can clean all those drugs out of his system. It would be just the three of us. No one else!" Sam said that more emphatically than he had intended.

"You mean to take him away from Tea and Kevin and even Blair and Starr?" Viki shook her head. "Todd is just starting to open up to Tea. He needs her and her love. So do the children. Timmy and Adam and even Tom need Kevin to be there for them. They all need Susannah. The children love her and Todd has begun to bond with her. They have all bonded with some of the staff. Todd still can't see. They need to be on a feeding tube. They sometimes need restraints. No. Oh, honey. You know I would love nothing better than for the three of us to have some time alone to be a family, but Todd is not ready for that. He's finally starting to make some real progress with his therapy. He's getting stronger, physically. He's gaining weight. I know it's only baby steps forward, as Susannah says, and then steps backward, but he is slowly getting better."

"What if we keep him here, but tell Susannah she has to stop all the drugs?"

Viki looked into Sam's eyes. "Did something happen to make you suddenly feel this way?"

Sam quickly looked away. "No. I was just thinking we could try it and see if it helps."

"We can't just suddenly stop the medications and if we did it would take so long to get him back up to therapeutic doses again. He would start having seizures again. His depression would worsen and the psychotic episodes would become more frequent. No. Sam, as much as I want to see him off all those drugs, I can't . . . we can't. If something happened to him, we'd never forgive ourselves. Susannah's in her office. Do you want to talk to her about this?" Viki asked.

"No!" Sam replied sharply. Is Susannah scaring us into thinking this or is it true? Sam wondered to himself.

Viki took Sam's hand. "Honey, Tea researched all the medications. She thinks Susannah is doing right by him."

Viki thought that would be comforting to Sam. It had the opposite effect. "You're letting Tea decide what drugs Todd should be on?"

"No." Viki looked bewildered. She couldn't understand how Sam would think that. "Of course not, Tea only researches the medications Susannah has chosen for Todd." Viki looked at Sam closely. "Sam, what is it? Is there something bothering you?"

"Our kid is suffering every second of his life! Doesn't that bother you!" Sam was immediately sorry for saying that. Sam knew that he couldn't talk to Viki about this anymore. Blair was right. She had complete faith in Susannah and Tea and most likely in Kevin, too. He'd have to figure this out on his own. "Viki, I'm sorry. I'm tired. I want to go in and see Andy."

"He's been heavily sedated."

"Again!"

"He was very agitated. He wasn't able to calm by himself. He wasn't able to hear us so we couldn't comfort him." Viki paused. She wasn't sure if she should tell Sam this now. She realized there would never be a good time so she pushed forward. "Sam, Andy's suicidal. Susannah said he's exhibiting suicidal ideation. He not only wants to die, he thinks about how he'll do it."

"He's six years old! He thinks of ways to kill himself?"

"Yes, Susannah says children that age and even younger can plan ways of killing themselves. He thinks of it in terms that a child that age would think in, but it's still a plan. Susannah didn't get to question him about it too much. He just came out after all this time. She couldn't push him too much. He was upset over the feeding tube and Todd had gouged cuts in his arm right before Andy came out, so Andy was upset that Susannah had to clean and bandage his arm and . . .

"Todd's self-injuring again? Why did he do that to himself?"

Viki tilted her head back for a second. "Why don't we talk about this in the morning? It's getting late and we're both exhausted and . . ."

"Why did he hurt himself!" Sam said loudly and impatiently.

Viki took a deep breath. "He wanted you and you weren't there. He thought you hated him. He believes you think he's disgusting and perverted because you know that he engaged in oral sex with his father. His feelings are close to Andy's. Susannah hopes some more walls are breaking down and Todd will soon be able to share some of Andy's memories and . . ."

"Can you say one damn thing about Todd without mentioning Susannah! Susannah said this! Susannah thinks that! For God's sake, he's your brother! What do you think!"

Some of the staff heard Sam's raised voice from down the hall. They looked in his direction. Neither he nor Viki noticed.

"I'm not a psychiatrist! Susannah's the one who knows what's going on. I look to her to tell us what's happening to him."

"You may not be a doctor, but you know what it's like to be in his shoes. Can't you see what's happening with him for yourself?"

"No. I would never presume to take guesses about his treatment just because I had DID, too. How can you think that! Do you think that everyone who's ever had a broken leg knows how to set one? My case was not the same as Todd's. He has many, many more alters than I did. He's so much sicker. He was abused in so many different ways. Sam. You know this. What has gotten into you? Please. Did something happen today? Did someone say something to you? Did you go and talk with another doctor?"

"No, nothing like that. I understand. Susannah saved you. You believe she'll do the same for Todd. I don't want to discuss this anymore. I want to see Andy." Sam didn't wait for Viki to agree on ending the conversation. He stood up and headed for Andy.

*****************

Andy had wet the bed again. Susannah told them to put an absorbent brief on him after they cleaned him. Susannah was concerned that finding himself in that would upset Andy. On the other hand, she knew it upset him to find he'd wet the bed. She decided to go with the brief. At least it would protect his skin from getting wet. Dave and Carl were in the process of cleaning Andy when Sam walked into the room.

"What the Hell do you think you're doing!" Sam called out to them and rushed over to Andy.

The men were both shocked by Sam's sudden presence and the tone of his voice. "Andy wet himself. We're getting him changed," Dave answered calmly.

"You know he doesn't like to have men touch him there. Why aren't female staff members doing this?"

"Andy is in a deep sleep. It is easier for us to lift him. If he were awake, we would have called in female staff to do it," Carl spoke up.

"He's whimpering and crying out. He must sense you're touching him. Get away from him and call in . . ."

"Sam!" Viki cut him off. She had followed him into the room. "Andy has been this way all night. He's not upset because Carl and Dave are handling him."

Sam looked at Viki. He wasn't sure what to believe anymore. He walked to the window without saying another word.

Viki exchanged worried looks with the two techs. They finished cleaning Andy and got him changed.

Viki walked over to the window and placed her hand on Sam's back. He jumped. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. They're finished changing him. You can go sit with him now if you like."

Sam nodded. He said nothing. He headed over to the bed. Andy was still whimpering. "You said he was crying for me?" Sam asked softly.

"Yes. He was crying and screaming for you." Viki leveled with him.

"And I wasn't there when he needed me . . . big surprise!" Sam's voice was filled with self-loathing. Sam didn't turn around to see the tears in Viki's eyes or the look of helplessness in them. He lowered the side rail and sat down next to Andy. "Andy," Sam whispered. "Sam's here. I'm here for you. I won't leave you. It's okay. Daddy's here." Sam stroked Andy's head.

For the first time since he'd fallen asleep, Andy stopped whimpering and crying out. Without waking up, Andy reached up for Sam's hand and took it in both of his. He held Sam's hand against his cheek and curled up on his side. His face stayed cupped in Sam's hand.

"Daddy's here," Sam repeated. He used his other hand to stroke Andy's head again. Andy's sleep soon became peaceful.

"He knows you're with him," Viki said softly to Sam. Viki noticed that the tension left Sam's body for the first time since he got back to the hospital. The harsh worry lines in Sam's face softened. Viki walked over to where Carl and Dave sat at the small table by the window. "I'm going to the lounge. I think Sam needs time on his own with Andy."

The men could see that Viki's statement was almost a question. She wanted assurance that it was all right to leave Sam there on his own.

Dave smiled at her and whispered. "They'll be fine. We'll be right here or right outside the door. If Sam wants to sleep in here tonight, we'll bring a reclining chair in for him and put some bedding on it. Someone will get you immediately if there are any problems."

"Thank you," Viki whispered back. She patted them both on the arm. Viki headed back to the bed. Andy was still snuggled up with Sam's hand under his cheek. She kissed both Sam and Andy goodnight. Viki had hoped Sam would have responded and kissed her back. He didn't. He continued to look at Andy and stroke his head. Viki left for the lounge.

**********************

Dorian had just woken up and was still in bed when Blair burst into her bedroom. "Blair! Did you ever hear of knocking? Do you know what time it is? What if Mel had been undressed or what if we'd been . . ."

"I checked with the maid when she let me in. I know Mel is out of town on an assignment. I don't have a lot of time, Dorian. I want to get to the hospital and see what's going on. I don't want to stay away too long because Starr is still home from school."

"Is Starr still sick?" Dorian's annoyance with Blair quickly turned to worry over Starr.

"No, she's better. I'm just keeping her home one more day as a precaution. The nanny is with her, but I still don't want to leave her for too long. She expects me to be there when she's home sick."

"Did something happen with Todd?" Dorian asked.

"I don't know. Sam came to see me last night. He was in terrible shape. You should have seen him. He looked like Hell. He wasn't making much sense."

"Life with Viki is not easy for anyone to stand," Dorian stated with a sneer on her lips.

"It's not Viki. I think something else is going on. Sam wanted to see the pictures of Tea and Kevin again. He talked about Viki's trust in Doctor Hanen. He asked how far Asa would go for revenge. He was flitting from one thing to the next. He even commented on all the windows in the apartment."

"The windows?" Dorian was confused.

"I think he was asking if the penthouse can be made safe for Todd. God, Dorian. I think Sam is seriously thinking of helping me get Todd out of the hospital."

"You think he's ready to take Todd away from Viki?" Dorian sounded disbelieving.

"I don't know. I think something must have happened to push Sam closer to that. I think he's beginning to see I might be right about Doctor Hanen and Kevin and Tea." Blair spat out Tea's name.

"Be careful, Blair. Sam may be falling apart, but he's still fiercely loyal to Viki. You have to make sure he believes that Doctor Hanen is hurting Todd and that Tea and Kevin and possibly the rest of the Buchanans are in on it."

Blair sat down on the bed. She rested her elbows on her knees and put her head in her hands. She lifted it after a few seconds. "Dorian, I don't know. I believe with all my heart that Tea and Kevin are screwing around, but I'm not sure about Doctor Hanen. First of all, I don't know if Asa really still hates Todd that much. There's always been a part of that miserable old bastard that respected Todd and got a kick out of him. Asa does love Viki. He knows what Todd means to her. Bo seems to care about Todd."

"Todd held Asa and his family hostage! Asa almost died because of him. Todd plastered stories about Bo and Georgie all over his newspaper. Todd tried to cause trouble between Bo and Nora by locking Nora in a room with Sam, a man she once had an affair with. To Asa, that's reason to hate Sam as well as Todd and Viki. Clint left town because Viki dumped him. Todd locked Asa's grandson in the wine cellar with that lunatic nurse. Do you think Asa, Bo and Kevin need more reasons than that to want revenge on Todd and possibly on Viki and Sam?"

Blair thought about what Dorian said for a few moments. "Okay, what about Doctor Hanen? Do you honestly believe she'd go along with this? She's a doctor, she makes good money." Blair stared off into space remembering. "She was very nice when Starr ran off to see Todd. Starr adores her. She keeps talking about the nice doctor her daddy has. She feels so much better about everything ever since she saw Todd and realized he's not in some horrible place. It's as if a weight has been lifted off our little girl's shoulders. Doctor Hanen seemed to be genuinely concerned about Starr and gave me some decent advice."

Dorian was quiet for a few minutes. She was happy that Starr got some relief from her worries over her daddy. Dorian begrudgingly admitted to herself that Susannah was basically doing all right by Todd. Dorian wanted to do the right thing and say this to Blair. The obsessive need to get back at Viki for real and imagined deeds was too great. "Blair, of course Doctor Hanen was nice to Starr. She has no reason to hurt that child."

"What on earth reason would Doctor Hanen have for wanting to hurt Todd, other than being paid off to do it?"

"Her sister." Dorian had long ago prepared this reason.

"I told you that Nora does not get along with her sister," Blair reminded Dorian.

"I have it on good authority that Nora has been visiting her sister at the hospital and that Nora's daughter has been there often as well."

Blair sat quietly while she processed this information. She finally slapped her hand down on the bed. "Dorian, no matter what we suspect, we still have to convince Sam. He's there with them all the time. Apparently he is not suspicious of what he is seeing."

"Or is Viki convincing that poor deranged man that nothing is going on? Viki may love Todd, but she is very loyal to Susannah and . . ." Dorian stopped mid sentence.

"And what? And what, Dorian!" Blair asked impatiently when Dorian didn't respond.

"Well, I don't want to add to your worries," Dorian tried to sound as if she were keeping quiet for Blair's own good.

"Dorian, if you know something else just spit it out!"

Dorian got out of the bed and sat down on the edge of it, next to Blair. She spoke in a hushed tone, as if the walls had ears. "What if that is not always Viki there with Todd?"

"What!"

"Blair, I'm sure you now know enough about DID to know that alters come out in times of stress. Could Viki possibly be under more stress than she is now? Todd is so sick. Sam is a basket case. Her son is probably screwing her brother's wife. She discovered her perverted father visited Todd, and most likely knew he was being abused. She knows he was paying someone off for something. My goodness! Viki's whole life is coming apart at the seams. Would it be so surprising if she were coming apart as well?"

Blair was shocked. Not once did this ever occur to her. "You really think that Viki is also suffering from DID again?"

"I told you that she came here right after I tried to help Todd, by looking at his chart, and she hit me. She was raving like a mad woman. When I tried to help her by pointing out some things about her father, she hauled off and hit me. The only other time Viki physically attacked me was when she switched and one of her alters came out. Blair, Viki may love Todd and Viki may never allow anyone to hurt him, but what if this is one of her alters?"

"Oh my God! What if it is? Todd is helpless there. Viki and Sam are the only ones who really love him and what if they are both sick themselves? Oh my God!"

Dorian saw she upset Blair. "Honey, listen to me. Don't panic. Basically they are taking good care of Todd. His physical condition is improving. I saw the way that little Tom was able to skate and run around. I don't think anyone wants to hurt Todd physically. I do think they may want to keep him locked away. That is always what the Buchanans wanted . . . Todd locked away . . . punished for telling the truth about them. Tea and Kevin might have a different agenda. They might want his money. They also have to be careful. Even Doctor Hanen has to answer to the hospital administrators and to Larry Wolek. She cannot blatantly harm Todd. Whatever she's doing has to appear to be therapeutic. I only mention this to you so you'll realize that you are doing the right thing by trying to get Todd away from Viki."

Blair looked at her watch. "I have to get to the hospital. Oh Dorian. I'm so afraid for Todd. The one thing I did believe was that Viki would protect him if she found out he was really being harmed. Some of her alters might not give a damn about him, if they are coming out again."

Dorian walked Blair to the door. After Blair left, Dorian's conscience bothered her. Her thoughts of guilt were soon replaced by a litany of the crimes she believed Viki committed against her. "She always tried to take my loved ones away from me," Dorian said out loud. "Besides, I'm doing this for that poor sick boy. After all, he is Starr's father."

********************

Tea and Rachel were dressed and ready when Kevin showed up. Tea was feeling a little better, but she was still experiencing headache, dizziness and some nausea. Tea was not looking forward to having another CT scan. She hated being in that machine. She was also afraid that something was wrong with her. She was afraid for herself and afraid for Todd. She knew what it would do to him if her fall led to more health problems for her. Tea was anxious. She wanted to get going and see Todd. She had no idea Andy had come out.

Kevin pulled up in front of the hospital. There was no parking space nearby. Kevin asked Rachel if she'd take his car to the parking lot while he walked to Todd's room with Tea. Kevin was afraid Tea might become dizzy. Rachel did see some sense in that, even though she was a tiny bit annoyed at Kevin for suggesting it. Rachel knew if Tea started to fall, she might not be able to hold her.

When Tea took Kevin's arm, as they were halfway to the elevator, Kevin knew she was feeling dizzy. He was very worried about her. "Would you like to sit down for a few minutes?" Kevin asked.

Tea looked at her watch. It was nearly eight o'clock. "No. I want to have some time with Todd before I go for the test." Tea tightened her grip on Kevin a little and they continued to the elevators.

As soon as Blair approached the elevators, she saw Tea and Kevin. Even though their backs were toward her, she recognized them. She held back and watched them. She felt the anger rise within her when she saw Tea clutching Kevin's arm. Blair did all she could do to keep herself from rushing at both of them with her fists flying when she saw Tea rest her head on Kevin's shoulder and Kevin place his arm around Tea and hug her to him and whisper something to her. Blair had no idea a strong wave of dizziness had washed over Tea. She did not hear Kevin say, "Hey, are you all right?" when he whispered in Tea's ear. Blair walked away from the elevators. She had to compose herself before she could face them. She did not want to get herself barred from seeing Todd and she did not want to show her hand. Blair knew she had to get Sam alone.

***********************

Viki had gotten to Todd's room at seven thirty. When she had woken up, she saw that Sam's bed, in the lounge, had not been slept in. When she walked into the room, a smile formed on her lips and tears formed in her eyes at the same time. Sam was lying on the bed with Andy. He was propped up against the headboard. Andy's head rested on Sam's chest. They were both sound asleep. Both looked peaceful. Viki nodded when Frank placed his finger to his lips. He walked over to her and they both stepped out of the room into the hallway.

"They were like that when I started my shift at seven," Frank informed her. "Carl told me that Andy had woken up around four in the morning. Sam had been sitting by his bed all night anyway. Andy held out his arms to Sam. Sam hugged him and Andy didn't want to let go, so Sam lay down next to him. Andy was able to easily fall back asleep and Sam eventually did, too. Andy has been stirring a little in the last ten minutes or so."

Viki and Frank saw Susannah approaching the nurses' station. After checking on Andy one more time, she had gone home, shortly after midnight. Susannah hoped that Andy would be up for a session, if he were still the one who was out. She also hoped she'd have some time to stop by and say hello to Bill and his children. She wanted to call Nora and Bo to thank them for the wonderful time she had at the seder. She hoped that she could put aside an evening to invite them out to dinner with her and Bill. Right now Susannah's first priority was her patient. She motioned to Viki that she'd be right there and went to check the chart.

***********************

Susannah turned toward the doors as Kevin and Tea were being buzzed in. She immediately saw that Tea was having problems. Susannah handed Todd's chart back to Terry and walked toward them. "Tea, what's going on?"

"Is it that obvious?" Tea asked.

"Yes," Susannah answered in her usual honest fashion. "Come sit down," she motioned to the nearest chairs.

"I don't have much time. I have to see Doctor Anderson at nine and then have another CT scan."

"Have you been experiencing symptoms?" Susannah looked into Tea's eyes. Her pupils were equal.

"A little," Tea minimized things.

"She passed out last night," Kevin filled Susannah in.

Tea saw the concerned look on Susannah's face.

Before Susannah had a chance to say anything more, Viki approached them. She kissed Tea on the cheek. "How's my girl?"

"I found Tea unconscious last night," Kevin announced, again.

"Is that going to be your headline today?" Tea asked Kevin sarcastically.

"Honey," Viki took Tea's hand. "What happened? You were all right when I left."

"I took a shower and started to feel very dizzy. I quickly got out of the tub, in case I fell. I guess I fainted." Tea looked embarrassed.

"She's been feeling lousy ever since the accident and in a brilliant move on her part, as been keeping it to herself." Now it was Kevin's turn to be sarcastic.

Viki hugged Tea tightly. She released Tea from the hug, put her hand under Tea's chin and looked into her eyes. Viki shook her head. "What am I going to do with you?"

Tea looked away sheepishly. She felt Viki's love so strongly at that moment. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. I thought it would ease up and go away. I didn't want it to become the big deal that it has."

"Are we going to have to watch you like a hawk?" Viki asked with faux sternness.

Tea couldn't bring herself to admit it out loud, however, a part of her loved being mothered by Viki. More and more she came to understand Todd's needs. "No," Tea answered softly.

"Do you promise . . . no . . . do you swear to me that you will not keep your medical condition a secret from all of us, or at least not from your doctors?"

"Yes," Tea responded in an almost childlike tone. Viki still gave her "the look." "I swear," she added in the same tone.

Viki stroked Tea's cheek. "You are very important to us." She saw tears well up in Tea's eyes. Viki knew this embarrassed Tea even more. She quickly added, "I'm assuming you're going to see your doctors."

"Yes, at nine. I wanted to see Todd first." Tea turned to Susannah. "If that's all right?"

"Andy came out last night. Todd was only here for a little while. Tea, do you remember that some of other alters described Andy as being very depressed?"

Tea nodded and Susannah continued. "He still is. He's making suicidal statements. I want you to be prepared in case he says something about it in front of you. Right now, Andy seems to be clinging to Sam. He became so upset when Sam wasn't here last night that he had to be heavily sedated. Once Sam returned, Andy seemed to sense it in his sleep and has been clinging to him ever since."

"Sam wasn't here last night?" Kevin was surprised. So was Tea.

"Sam needed some time for himself, so he went out. We all need some time to think every now and then," Viki quickly defended Sam.

"Why didn't he come back when he heard Andy was calling for him?" Kevin asked.

"He couldn't be reached," Viki answered. "He forgot to turn his phone on." Viki saw Kevin roll his eyes.

"Kevin! I'm sure you have forgotten things in your life, so have I. Sam has a lot on his mind. I don't want you saying anything about this to him, either of you. He feels guilty enough. I didn't help the situation by getting angry with him. I don't want any of you to add to my mistake."

"It's a mistake to get angry with Sam?" Kevin asked angrily. "What . . . do we all have to walk around on eggshells when we're around Sam now?"

"No. I just want you to have some compassion for him." Viki's voice turned tender. "Honey, you know what it feels like to be drowning in guilt. So do I. Please, be patient with Sam."

Kevin nodded. "Yeah, okay."

Tea once again turned to Susannah. "Can I go in to see Andy?"

"Yes, he may still be sleeping and Sam may be sleeping, too." Susannah read about Sam lying next to Andy in the chart.

Just as Susannah said that they all heard screams coming from the room, but it was Todd they heard screaming, not Andy.

TO BE CONTINUED

COPYRIGHT 2001 RS/RHFC

This work of fiction is not affiliated with ABC Daytime and is not

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