PREVIOUSLY

If Todd had been able to see the young boy's face, he would have seen the look of longing in his eyes as he watched Adam receiving so much affection. The young boy couldn't remember what it felt like to be held or hugged. He didn't know if he ever had been.

*********************************************************************************************************************************************

Susannah, her staff and Kevin all saw that Pete's hands were in a position to do serious, if not fatal, harm to T�a. They held back in order not to spook him even further.

"Pete, no one is going to hurt you. You're in the hospital. You're safe here," Susannah called out.

"I KNOW WHERE I AM, YOU LYING BITCH!" Pete screamed back.

Pete felt T�a's heart pounding as he held her pressed against him. He remembered how fear in his victims used to make him feel good. It gave him a sense of power. It told him that he was in control and no one could hurt him. He wasn't getting that feeling now. He felt T�a trembling in his arms.

"Don't move. I don't wanna hurt you. I don't. I will if you tell them what I just said. I want outta here," Pete whispered in T�a's ear."

"Pete, tell me how I lied to you," Susannah prompted.

Pete glared at Rachel. "Don't you fuckin' play games with me! You think I'm stupid! You think I'm a loser! I'm not! I know what you're tryin' to do! I know what all of you are tryin' to do. FUCK YOU! You're playing with the wrong person. Todd's the stupid one. Todd's the one who's a loser! Now you unlock that door and clear the way to it or I'll snap her neck like a twig!"

"Ohhhh," T�a cried out when Pete put pressure on her head and neck.

"SHUT UP!" Pete didn't want to know that he was causing T�a pain.

"Pete, you know we can't let you leave here." Susannah spoke calmly

"You're gonna let that murdering bitch leave here. Aren't you?" Pete smirked in Rachel's direction.

"Pete," Kevin began.

"You shut up! You don't talk to me. I know what you're here for Buchanan. Where's the rest of your fuckin' family? Are they all waiting outside to see me taken outta here in handcuffs or in a body bag? It's not gonna happen! You get over there." Pete nodded his head in Rachel and Susannah's direction. "You all get over there and get away from the fuckin' door."

"Pete, please. Listen to me." T�a had difficulty getting the words out because of the pressure Pete kept on her jaw. "No one is going to hurt you. I'd never let anyone hurt you or Todd. Uhhh," T�a moaned as Pete tightened his grip on her jaw.

"I told you to shut up! You'll never let anyone hurt me or Todd? And why is that, Delgado? Because you love us so much?" Pete's tone was mocking.

"Pete, you need to let T�a go now. She's recently had a head injury. You can be causing some serious damage to her," Susannah cautioned.

"You let us outta here. You don't follow us and when we get to the street I'll let her go."

Viki and Sam were returning from the family lounge expecting to find Adam. When they got to the unit doors, they saw what was happening through the glass. They didn't know it was Pete, but they suspected it. Sam pounded on the door to be let in. Viki had tried to stop him, in case their presence freaked this alter out even more, but she was too late.

Pete was startled by the sound of Sam banging on the door. He tightened his grip on T�a. She moaned again. "I don't wanna do this to you. They're making me do this," Pete whispered in her ear. "Let him in," Pete ordered.

Susannah nodded. Nancy buzzed Sam and Viki in from the nurses' station. Sam started to rush to Pete, but Jeff held him back.

"Pete is very upset with us and wants to leave the unit." Susannah filled in Viki and Sam, as Pete listened.

"Boomer, this isn't the way. Let T�a go," Sam tried.

"What's the way, Sam? You helping us? Is that what you think I should do, trust you to help us?" Pete's eyes filled with rage. "YOU NEVER HELPED US! YOU SAW WHAT THAT BASTARD DID TO TODD AND YOU NEVER HELPED US. YOU DUMPED US OFF AT THE HOUSE AND RAN BACK TO WILL AND JEN. THEY WERE THE ONES YOU CARED ABOUT. WE WERE JUST PART OF YOUR JOB! YOU HAD GOOD CHILDREN TO GO HOME TO. YOU NEVER SAVED US THEN AND YOU WON'T SAVE US NOW! I'M THE MAN! I'LL SAVE US! WE CAN'T TRUST ANYONE! ONLY OURSELVES! YOU TELL THEM TO LET ME OUT THAT FUCKIN' DOOR. DO YOU HEAR ME! THE REAL MURDER IS STANDING RIGHT THERE!"

Sam stood perfectly still. There was not one word that came out of Pete's mouth that Sam didn't recognize as the truth. "I'm sorry. Pete, you're right. I wasn't there for you or for Todd or for any of you. I was too wrapped up in my own life to see what was really happening. I . . ." Sam choked up. Tears welled up in his eyes and quickly slid down his cheeks. "I let Peter hurt you."

"NOT ME! NOT ME! NO ONE EVER HURT ME! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL ALL OF YOU THAT! NOT FUCKIN' ME! I'M STRONG! I DON'T LET ANYONE HURT ME! I HURT THEM! EVEN HIM! I COULD HAVE STRANGLED HIM THAT NIGHT IF YOU HADN'T STOPPED ME. WHY'D YOU DO IT, SAM!" Pete stopped screaming. He looked in Sam's direction with confusion written on his face and in his eyes. "Why'd you stop me? Do you know how many more years he tortured Todd and the others because you stopped me? Did you get off on seeing Todd hurt? Did you think he deserved it and you wanted to see him punished? Is that why you're making us stay here now? Is it Nora? Are you doing this for Nora? She deserved what Todd did to her. She threw us to the wolves. She let them hurt Todd. Is it the Buchanans? Do you believe that we killed Georgie? We didn't! She did!"

Pete's eyes left Sam and turned to Rachel again. "TELL THEM! TELL THEM YOU DID IT! YOU TOOK A BAT AND CRUSHED HER HEAD IN. DID YOU HEAR IT?" Once again Pete stopped shouting. His voice was barely above a whisper. "Did you hear what it sounded like when you hit her? Did you, Rachel? Was it like the world exploded when the bat wiped the life out of her? Did you get her blood on you? Did you see her brains come out of her head?"

Rachel gasped in horror. The memory of the night she killed Georgie Phillips came back to her.

"You made Todd bury her. You wanted him to get blamed for it! Tell them! Tell Kevin! Let him go back and tell them. I didn't do it! Todd didn't do it. We didn't want her to die. She was nice to us. She was the only one in our whole fuckin' lives who was nice to us. She liked us! She thought we were okay. She never made fun of us. She brought us a cake and you killed her! Now you tell them you did it and you!" Pete turned back to Sam. "You tell them to let me outta here! If they already think we killed someone, what's one more!" Pete pressed against T�a's head again causing her to cry out in pain once more.

"I SAID SHUT UP! YOU SHUT UP! YOU'RE GETTING ME CONFUSED! YOU WEREN'T THERE! WELL YOU'RE HERE NOW! I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO GET HURT! YOU DON'T CARE! YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME! I SAW YOU! YOU CARE ABOUT THAT KID! FUCK YOU! IT DON'T MATTER! I DON'T NEED YOU, DELGADO! I DON'T NEED SAM OR YOU VIKI, OR YOU DOCTOR HANEN! YOU TAKE HER SIDE AGAINST ME! YOU TELL THEM I DID IT! SHE MADE TODD HOLD THE BAT. HE DIDN'T DO IT! HE MADE HIM LEAVE HER IN THE COLD. HE HURT TODD SO BAD THAT NIGHT. NOT ME! NOT ME! I'M THE ONE WHO TRIED TO STOP HIM AND SAM STOPPED ME. WHY? WHY!" Pete was rambling incoherently.

"Pete, do you know what the date is?"

"What!" Pete couldn't believe Susannah was asking him that. "What do I care what the fuckin' date is?"

"Pete, it's March 26th. Georgie and was killed almost a year ago. Rachel spent six months in Statesville for killing Georgie and her baby. No one is going to take you to prison for that. We all know Rachel did it. She confessed."

Rachel wept softly as Susannah spoke calmly to Pete. Kevin wanted to go to Rachel and comfort her, but he was afraid that would freak Pete out even more.

"No . . . you're trying to confuse me. You want me to think that. It's only been a few days . . . It's . . . STOP TRYING TO MIX ME UP!"

"Pete. It's March 26th. Georgie was killed almost a year ago. Rachel went to prison for it." Susannah repeated.

Pete looked confused. "Georgie was killed in January, on Todd's birthday."

"No. That was Michelle. That was many years ago. Pete, we know you didn't kill Michelle. We know Todd didn't either. We know it was Todd's dad who killed her."

"Don't matter . . . don't matter . . ." Pete mumbled. "Don't matter who did it. All of you still want us to be punished. You think we deserve to be hurt, especially me and Todd. No one can ever love me and Todd . . . don't matter . . . Todd cares . . . he feels . . . not me . . . not me . . ."

"Pete, we love you. It isn't just the children. We love you, too. I love you. Sam loves you. T�a loves you. Sweetheart, we love you," Viki tried.

"DON'T LIE TO ME! YOU THREW TODD AWAY! You sent him back." Pete's voice became quiet again. He wasn't looking at anyone. He was mumbling to himself again. "He walked through the woods to find you and you sent him back to be tortured and Sam sent him back to be tortured. He must deserve it. Delgado you called the cops on him. You wanted to send him to Statesville to be tortured. Not me . . . not me . . . I don't need any of you . . . not anyone . . . I'm strong . . . Todd wants to be loved . . . not me . . . you can't hurt me . . . you can walk out on me . . . no hurt . . . you can't hurt me . . . I don't need any of you . . . not me . . . no one ever hurt me . . . ever . . . not me . . . not . . ."

T�a fell to a heap on the floor as Pete released his grip on her and slid down the wall. He pulled his knees to his chest and buried his head in them. "Not me," Pete continued to chant.

T�a was dazed for the moment. She tried to shake her head to clear it. She rubbed the back of her neck as she slowly and painfully moved her head. Her neck was stiff from the position Pete had held her in. Jeff reached for her to pull her away from Pete. "NO!" T�a pushed his hands off of her. Jeff feared a physical struggle with T�a might set Pete off again and cause her to be hurt even more than she already had been.

"Move away from Pete, T�a." Susannah called out firmly.

"No," T�a repeated quietly.

"T�a, for God's sake, get away from him." Kevin called out.

T�a got on her knees and sat back on her heels. For the first time, despite what had just happened, T�a felt no fear from being near Pete. She gently placed her hand on Pete's knee. "Not you, Pete. No one ever hurt you. I know that. They hurt Todd."

Pete looked at T�a. There was no coldness or rage in his eyes, only pain and desperation. "They hurt him bad . . . Everyone he cared about hurt him. Then they hurt him in prison . . . don't tell . . . you can't tell . . . it makes it hurt worse if you tell . . ."

"Pete, I did try to get Todd sent back to jail. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know saying you're sorry doesn't change anything. I can't take it back."

"I don't need you to love me," Pete whispered.

"I know. I can't help how I feel, Pete. I do love you. I can try to stop if you want me to, but I don't think I'll be able to."

"You don't love me. You don't have to lie. You love that kid and the other kids. Don't matter. I'm strong. I don't need anyone."

"You can be strong and still want to be loved." T�a spoke softly. "I like to think that I'm strong. I still want to be love."

"You wanted Andrew to love you," Pete reminded her.

"No, I wanted Todd to love me. I used Andrew. I didn't mean to and I'm sorry. It was a lousy thing to do."

"Todd made you do it," Pete stated.

"No, I made me do it. I was needy and lonely and angry with Todd. I don't like that part of myself."

Pete looked into T�a's eyes. She saw he understood. "You see, Delgado. It's bad to need anyone. You get hurt. You get everyone else hurt."

"Yeah, sometimes you do . . . It's worth it sometime, too."

"Huh?"

T�a smiled. "If I never let myself love Todd and all of you who live inside Todd and need your love I would have saved myself a lot of pain, but I would have missed out on the best part of my life. I would never know what it feels like to be loved by any of you. I can't bear the thought of never having known that."

"How do you know it won't all just go away? I'm strong. I'm gonna take us all away . . . far away . . . what will happen to you then, Delgado?"

"I would hope you'd ask me to come with you. You don't have to force me, Pete. I want to stay with Todd and all of you. If you ask, I'll go with you. You don't have to force me."

"No one wants to stay with us. They all leave. We can't be loved." Pete said softly.

"Wrong, Pete. I love you very much."

"So do I," Viki spoke up.

"I don't deserve your love, but I love you, too," Sam added.

Pete shook his head. "You love those kids. I see you with them. Don't matter."

"It matters to me because I love you and I want you to love me back. Even if you don't, I'll still love you. I can't help it. It's what I feel, Pete." T�a's hand trembled as she reached for Pete's cheek. Pete's body stiffened. He pressed himself against the wall, but he did not pull away from T�a's touch.

Viki knelt down to where Pete and T�a sat on the floor. "Sweetheart, I love you, too. Not just the children and Todd . . . you. I love you." Viki stroked Pete's head.

Sam fell to his knees more than knelt on them. He took Pete's hand and forearm and pulled Pete to him. "I failed you. I will go to my grave knowing I did that. I want you to know it was never because I didn't love you. I love the children and I love Todd and you, Pete. I love you. I don't want you to forgive me because I don't deserve it. You weren't bad. I was. I was a bad friend to all of you. I should have seen what was happening to you. You're right, Pete. I was too involved in my own life. If I'd looked harder, I would have seen what Peter was doing. I was the bad one. Not you. I swear, Boomer. It was never that I thought you deserved it or didn't love you. I loved you then and I love you even more now." Sam pulled Pete into a hug. Viki and T�a joined in the hug.

At first Pete's body stiffened even more. Then they felt him relax in their arms. Pete was finally feeling something he'd only witnessed before. Pete felt what it was liked to be hugged and held. Pete's eyes closed as he allowed himself to feel what he thought he never needed or wanted. They felt his body shudder in their arms.

"Mommy . . . Daddy . . . Tee."

They all recognized Timmy's voice. They knew that Pete, who was a pro at handling anger and rage, could only handle those few seconds of love before he needed go inside. Each one of them was grateful that, as brief as it was, Pete now knew what it felt like to be loved and held.

"Hi, baby. We haven't seen you for a while." Viki stroked Timmy's hair. She kissed him on the forehead.

Timmy looked at Sam. "Daddy, cwy. I make Daddy thad?"

They were all surprised by Timmy's pronunciation. He sounded like a child even younger than himself, but not like Baby Todd.

Susannah approached him. "Timmy?"

"Uh-huh," he looked up. He began to suck on his fingers. They knew Timmy did this when he was frightened or anxious. Susannah recognized Timmy in those large, innocent eyes.

Viki, Susannah and T�a pulled back and allowed Sam to hold Timmy in his arms. "No, Timmy. Daddy just gets sad sometimes, but now I feel better because I get to hold you."

Timmy snuggled into Sam. "I gwad. I don't wike thad, Daddy."

It was like the life came back into Sam. Todd no longer wanted Sam to touch him and in his mind, Sam thought it was rare that he ever did right by Adam. Tom and Timmy were Sam's chance to be the kind of father he wanted to be to them. He loved being there for them and being a real dad to them. He loved being able to hold them and comfort them.

Timmy looked at T�a. His eyes traveled around the room. When they landed on Kevin, Kevin expected to hear Timmy's usual gleeful call of his name. Instead Timmy pulled away from Sam and sat cross-legged on the floor. He kept his eyes on Kevin.

Kevin walked over to where Timmy sat. Kevin knelt down. "How's my bestest friend in the whole world?" Kevin stroked Timmy's head as he asked this.

Timmy shrugged. He began to suck his thumb while he continued to stare into Kevin's eyes.

"I've missed you so much," Kevin admitted. "I'll bet mom will give me the whole day off today so I can stay and play with you and read to you or do anything you like."

Timmy took his thumb out of his mouth. "Wheth Mthter Wabbit?" He put his thumb back in his mouth again.

This question confirmed to them that it was Timmy. Still, alarms sounded in all their heads. Timmy almost never sucked his thumb and Timmy had no problems pronouncing most of his words. Susannah knelt down next to Timmy and Kevin. "Hi, sweetie, can you tell me what my name is?"

"Dota Hamen."

"That's good, Timmy. Can you tell me where you are?" Susannah prodded.

Timmy looked around again. "My hopital."

Susannah stroked his head. "That's right." She smiled at him. "And what's your favorite place in the hospital?"

"Pwaywoom!" Timmy exclaimed and smiled.

"Yeah! That's our favorite room, right best buddy?" Kevin put his arm around Timmy's shoulder.

"I thirthty," Timmy whined. Whining was also uncharacteristic for him.

"I'll get you a drink, Angelito. Would you like some pineapple juice?" T�a offered.

"T�a. I want you to go sit in the lounge," Susannah instructed. "I'm going to call Doctors Marahbee and Anderson. I want them to have a look at you before you move around too much. I want to make sure that Pete holding you that way did no further damage to you."

"I'm okay, really Doctor Hanen. My neck is a little sore and I have a slight headache. I had one before Pete came anywhere near me. I'm supposed to see my doctors at ten anyway."

"Humor me," Susannah requested. "I want them to look at you now." What Susannah didn't say out loud, in front of Timmy, was that she also wanted Doctor Anderson to have a look at Timmy. "Now come on. Let Jeff and Eileen help you to the lounge."

"I'll get Timmy his pineapple juice," Viki offered.

"No! Mommy thtay! Tee thtay! I don wan nobowy weave." It was apparent that Timmy was feeling the same intense separation anxiety he felt the last time he was out.

Janet approached Timmy. "I'll get your juice for you, hon."

"Who you?" Timmy looked frightened. "Wheth Tewwy?"

"Terry's not working today, sweetie. This is Janet. She's one of your nurses now and she's very nice." Susannah realized that Timmy had not been out since several new staff members had been hired a couple of week ago.

Timmy stared at her and began sucking his thumb again.

"I'll get you your juice, Timmy," Janet repeated. "Would you like something to eat? I remember reading that you like chocolate pudding. Would you like me to bring you some?"

Timmy stared up at Viki, Sam and Kevin.

"It's okay, baby. You can have chocolate pudding." Viki saw that Timmy looked unsure of how to respond.

"Otay," Timmy told Janet.

"Hey, buddy. Maybe we can have alphabet spaghetti for lunch? Would you like that?" Kevin proposed.

Timmy nodded. He looked around the room again to get his bearings. "Who dat?" Timmy pointed to Eileen. Susannah made the introductions. "And dat?" Timmy pointed to Mark. One by one he pointed to each new face. They each came over, and introduced themselves, including Rachel.

When Rachel bent down to say hello, Timmy surprised her by gently rubbing his fingers down the left side of her face. "Were you thad wike Daddy?"

Rachel realized her cheeks were still tear stained. Rachel nodded. "I was, Timmy. I was very sad."

"Did your mommy go way?"

Rachel looked into Timmy's eyes as they stared into hers. She could not get over the innocence in them, or the difference between Timmy's eyes and Adam's. There was fear and sadness in Timmy's eyes that wasn't there in Adam's. "No. My mommy didn't go away, honey. I was sad because I remembered something very bad that I did to someone."

Timmy's eyes grew wide. "Is your daddy gonna pumish you?"

"No. My daddy doesn't punish me."

Timmy pointed to Sam. "My new daddy don pumish me. I wuv my new daddy."

Sam's heart swelled with love for this four-year-old. He didn't realize how much he needed to hear one of them say that they still loved him.

SECRETS

PART 110 PAGE 2

Janet came back with a cup of pineapple juice and pudding. First she handed Timmy the juice. "Here you go, Timmy."

Timmy stared at the cup but didn't reach for it.

"Hey, buddy. Isn't pineapple juice your favorite?" Kevin pressed.

Timmy looked into Kevin's eyes. "I wan ba-ba."

Those around Timmy exchanged looks. Susannah once again kneeled down to him. She wanted to verify that he was asking for what she thought he was asking for. "Timmy, can you tell me what ba-ba is?"

Timmy looked up into Susannah's eyes. "To dwink. I wan ba-ba."

"You want your juice in a bottle," Susannah restated.

Timmy nodded. Once again he placed his thumb in his mouth as he continued to stare into Susannah's eyes.

Kevin placed his arm around Timmy's shoulder again. "Timmy, come on. You know how to drink from a cup like a big boy."

With a slight shake of her head, Susannah gave Kevin a look that let him know this was not the way to handle this.

Timmy hung his head. His lower lip and chin were already quivering.

Kevin hugged Timmy to him. "Well, if Timmy wants his juice in a bottle than that's what he'll get. Right, buddy?"

"Janet, please get a bottle and put Timmy's juice in it," Susannah directed.

Viki took the bowl of pudding and brought it to Timmy. "Sweetheart, do you want your pudding while Janet gets a bottle for your juice?"

Timmy opened his mouth and waited for a spoonful of pudding. His message was clear. He wanted Viki to feed him.

"Timmy, Mommy would love to feed you the pudding, but can we go sit over in the lounge or at the table in the dayroom. Mommy's knees hurt when she bends too much."

Timmy nodded. He stood up for the first time since he came out and headed over to where T�a was sitting, silently and anxiously, taking in Timmy's behavior. They all noticed that Timmy was now walking more like a toddler than like a four-year-old.

Timmy sat on the couch, next to T�a and leaned into her. "Tee, you ho'd me."

T�a put her arms around Timmy and held him tightly. His back was pressed up against her chest. T�a rested her chin atop his silky head.

Viki sat on the other side of Timmy and fed him the pudding. She and T�a exchanged occasional glances. They were both deeply concerned about the extent of Timmy's regression since he came out. They were anxious and wanted to talk to Susannah. Timmy didn't say anything more. He stared into Viki's eyes as she fed him the chocolate pudding. After every few spoonfuls, Viki would wipe Timmy's mouth with a napkin or stroke his cheek lovingly.

Janet waited until the pudding was finished. "Here's your juice, hon." She handed Timmy the bottle. Timmy held onto it with both hands and brought the nipple to his mouth. He drank thirstily. After a couple of minutes Timmy leaned back onto T�a until his head rested on her arm. He drank from his bottle and stared into her eyes as she cradled him. Timmy's eyes began to get heavy with sleep. T�a softly sang a Spanish lullaby to him. She gently removed the bottle from his mouth and hand as Timmy fell asleep. Jeff and Eileen helped T�a extricate herself. They gently lowered Timmy to the couch after T�a had gotten up. They placed a pillow under Timmy's head and covered him with a blanket.

T�a rubbed her arm. It was a little stiff from holding him.

"Honey, are you okay?" Viki asked.

"Yes. I'm fine. I wish you would all stop worrying about me."

"I think everything you've been through in the past couple of days, gives us the right to worry about you," Kevin stated.

"Right now I want to know what's going on with Timmy and I want to know if I did the right thing with Pete," T�a said firmly.

Before anyone had a chance to answer her, Doctors Anderson and Marahbee showed up at the unit's doors waiting to be let in.

Susannah approached T�a. "We will not discuss the situation until you are ready to join us."

"Thank you." T�a patted Susannah on the arm. She was grateful that she understood that she did not want to be left out of the discussion.

****************************

"Mrs. Manning, as far as I can see the incident today caused no further damage to you. I would feel more comfortable if you had a cervical MRI done to make sure no damage was done to your neck," Doctor Marahbee advised. He and Doctor Anderson had taken T�a into the treatment room on seven.

"I can do that as an outpatient, can't I?" T�a did not want to go for any test right now. She wanted to be there in case Timmy woke up. T�a once again minimized the headache, slight nausea and occasional dizziness she felt when they questioned her.

"Yes, but please, don't put it off. You can have an injury that is not apparent to us right now," Doctor Anderson added.

T�a sighed. "I won't wait too long. Right now I do need to be here. Todd switched to a four-year-old who becomes very upset if all those he loves are not around."

Both doctors had seen Timmy, asleep on the couch, when they entered the unit. "I understand. I've met Timmy and I know he's very fragile," Doctor Anderson stated. "That is even more of a reason you need to take care of yourself, Mrs. Manning. You want to make sure that you stay well enough to be there for that little fellow and for Todd and the others."

T�a nodded. "I will. I promise. Can I be officially discharged today . . . right now?"

Both doctors shook their heads and smiled. "Since we can't seem to keep you in your room anyway, we might as well discharge you," Doctor Marahbee agreed.

"Thank you. I really mean it. You both took wonderful care of me and I'm very grateful. I know I wasn't the most cooperative patient."

"We understand that your situation is difficult," Doctor Anderson conceded.

"I'll have the paperwork on your discharge and your things brought up here so you don't have to leave," Doctor Marahbee offered.

"Thank you. I appreciate that so much." T�a was impressed with both of them.

Doctor Marahbee's beeper went off. "ER," he muttered out loud. Before he left, he turned to his colleague. "John, I need you to do a consult. I have a sixty-eight-year-old female brought in after a car accident. There's a history of stroke."

"I'll be there in a bit. Susannah wants me to have a look at young Timmy before I go."

T�a became frightened. "Does she think Timmy's acting this way because something's wrong with his brain?"

"I'm sure she's just playing it safe and covering all the bases." Doctor Anderson tried to reassure T�a.

T�a, and the two men walked out of the treatment room.

*****************

Viki and Sam were both sitting in the club chairs that faced the couch Timmy slept on. Sam seemed to be staring off into space. T�a guessed right when she assumed that Pete's words were haunting Sam and painfully adding to his guilt. Viki was holding Sam's hand. He didn't seem to notice. Viki would alternate between watching Timmy sleep and stealing worried glances in Sam's direction.

Kevin and Rachel were off in a corner of the room, talking. Rachel was still upset over the things Pete said. Pete had caused memories of the night Rachel killed Georgie to surface. These were memories that Rachel tried to keep buried.

The two doctors headed for the nurses' station, where Susannah quietly talked to some of her staff. Doctor Marahbee quickly told Susannah his findings with T�a and headed for the ER. He left Doctor Anderson there to answer any further questions.

T�a sat in a chair next to Viki. "I'm being discharged. See, I told you I was okay." T�a smiled reassuringly.

Viki stroked T�a's cheek, lovingly. "I'm happy, honey. I'm so sorry you've been so injured because of Todd and Pete."

"Todd did nothing to injure me. That was my fault and Pete . . . well, I understand him more each time he comes out. Viki, do you think he really felt how much we love him?"

"I do. T�a, I felt his body drinking in our affection, didn't you?"

"Yes. Oh, Viki. I did. I thought maybe it was my imagination, but you felt it, too. I'm so glad. Pete breaks my heart. He is so isolated, both inside and out. At least Todd and most of the children allow Miss Perkins or Carol or Goodone to love them. Poor Pete. He has no one."

Before they had a chance to discuss this any further or before T�a had a chance to tell Viki and Sam about Susannah wanting a neuro exam done on Timmy, Susannah and Doctor Anderson motioned for them to come to the nurses' station. Susannah didn't want to talk in Timmy's earshot, even though he was asleep.

"I want John to examine Timmy before he leaves," Susannah informed them.

"You think he has a neurological problem?" Kevin asked anxiously.

"No." Susannah shook her head. "But anytime there is a significant change in behavior or cognitive abilities I like to be on the safe side and have it checked out."

"Timmy is acting like two year old. He never spoke that way before or wanted to drink out of a bottle," T�a pointed out.

"From what Susannah has told me Timmy has regressed considerably. What I'd like to do is wake him up and if it is still Timmy and he's in shape for it, I'd like to observe him walking, playing, drawing doing things that require gross and fine motor skills . . . if he's willing. I'll also talk to him and ask him a few questions that are age appropriate for a four-year-old. I want to get a picture of his mental status. I won't do any extensive testing or anything to hurt or frighten him. As with the other times I examined him, he'll think it's a game," Doctor Anderson explained.

"I checked with Allan and the playroom is free. Kevin, why don't you wake Timmy up? We'll give him a few minutes to orient," Susannah directed. Susannah turned to Rachel. "Can you wait around for a while? I would like to talk to you once we have Timmy settled." Susannah was worried about her niece. She saw that Rachel was still upset by the incident with Pete.

"Sure, no problem." Rachel turned to Sam and Viki. "Would you rather I wait somewhere else while Timmy is examined?"

"Viki looked to Sam for his opinion. He shrugged. Right now he had more on his mind than Rachel.

"We have no problem with you being here," Viki confirmed.

Kevin crouched next to the couch. He stroked Timmy's head tenderly. "Timmy." There was no response. "Timmy, hey buddy. Time to wake up." Timmy's eyes opened slowly. He gazed sleepily into Kevin's eyes. "That's my boy. Come on, Timmy. Wake up. I thought we'd go to the playroom for a while. Would you like that?"

Timmy nodded. "I wike bwocks."

"Yeah, me too. We can build something or spell out our names. Come." Kevin held his hand out.

Timmy took it and let Kevin help him into a sitting position. "Tee and Mommy and Daddy and Dota Hamen and Tewee and Fwank all pway, too."

"Terry and Frank aren't here today, Timmy. Remember Doctor Hanen told you it's their day off?" Kevin pointed out.

"Day go 'way! Day weave me!" Timmy started to sob.

Susannah glanced in Doctor Anderson's direction. She saw that he also recognized this as extreme behavior. She headed for Timmy. "Sweetie. I told you that Terry and Frank will be here tomorrow. They won't leave forever. They have to have some time off. Your staff that's here today is very nice and they have wanted to meet you for a long time. They're very happy that they're getting a chance to know you."

"Dey are?" Timmy looked surprised.

"You bet they are," Kevin joined in. "We've all told them what a good and smart and wonderful little boy you are and they looked forward to meeting you."

"Fwank and Tewwy weawwy come back?"

"I promise you, Timmy. They'll really come back. They�ll be back tomorrow morning," Susannah assured him. "There's someone else here who would really like to spend some time with you." Susannah motioned Doctor Anderson over.

Timmy stared up at him. "You pwayed games wid me."

"I sure did! I'm so happy you remembered that. I have some more games we can play today, if you like," Doctor Anderson tried to tempt him.

"I pway bwocks wid Kebin in pwaywoom."

"Would it be all right if I came along and watched?" Doctor Anderson posed.

Timmy looked at Kevin for direction.

"Sure, the more the merrier," Kevin quipped.

Timmy smiled at Doctor Anderson. "Thure, more da mewwier," Timmy copied Kevin's words.

Doctor Anderson rumpled Timmy's hair. "Then we're off to the playroom."

Rachel told Susannah she'd wait in the lounge for her. Rachel wanted to get her thoughts together. Also, she did not want to keep intruding on Timmy and his family.

*************************

The whole way over to the playroom, Timmy continued to turn around to make sure his parade of loved ones had not deserted him. He seemed to stand still and take a head count every few steps. Once they were in the playroom, Timmy greeted Allan warmly enough, however he wouldn't budge toward any of the toys until everyone, except Kevin, who was standing along side him, was seated. Once they were all in their chairs, Timmy went from person to person. He said their name and touched their hand or leg as if he were making sure they were real. "Mommy, Daddy, Tee, Dota Hamen, Dota Amson . . ." Timmy looked around. "Wheth Mthter Wabbit?"

"Right here, baby." Viki made sure to pick Mr. Rabbit up from the couch, where Timmy had left him.

Timmy took Mr. Rabbit from her. He sat the stuffed animal on T�a's lap. "Mthter Wabbit wants you ho'd him."

T�a took the toy from Timmy. She held it up so it was facing her. "Hi, Mr. Rabbit. I'd love to hold you while Timmy plays."

"Tee, Mthter Wabbit wan you twckle him."

"Tickle him?" T�a was surprised.

"Wike dis." Timmy tickled the back of Mr. Rabbit's neck and then tickled his chubby tummy.

A light bulb went off in Susannah's head. "Timmy, when you were inside, did you see T�a tickle anyone like that?"

Timmy ignored Susannah's question. He toddled over to the blocks and plopped down on the floor. "Kebin, you pway wid me!" This demanding tone was not like Timmy.

With a slight nod of her head, Susannah motioned Kevin to play with Timmy. T�a, Viki and Sam looked questioningly at Susannah. They did not make the connection she did. Neither did Doctor Anderson.

Kevin sat down on the floor, next to Timmy. First Kevin tried to interest Timmy in spelling with the blocks. This time Timmy could not even manage the simple words, like dog and cat, which he managed last time. Kevin didn't press for Timmy to spell out either of their names. He was getting frightened for Timmy.

"Thtupid bwocks! Bad bwocks!" Timmy picked up one of the blocks that Kevin had finally handed him to spell the words. He threw it across the room. Timmy drew his knees to his chest and buried his head in them.

Kevin placed his arm around Timmy's shoulders. "Spelling's hard. I have trouble spelling some words too, and I have to look them up."

Timmy looked up at Kevin. Tears were already staining his cheeks. "You don wike me now."

"Timmy, I like you." Kevin tightened his grip. "I love you. You're my bestest friend in the whole world."

"You wike me best?" Timmy looked at Kevin with eyes so sad Kevin had to fight to keep himself from crying.

"You will always be my bestest friend in the whole world."

Timmy stared at the blocks. He stood up and began placing them in a circle around Kevin. He only left a very small opening, just big enough for them to step through. Kevin watched for a few moments. He was not sure what Timmy was trying to build. Timmy placed block on top of block, slowly encasing Kevin in his wall. Kevin and the rest of them finally realized that Timmy was trying to keep Kevin "all his" in his private little fort.

Doctor Anderson and Susannah watched Timmy's movements. They were clumsy and uncertain. He lifted the blocks awkwardly, dropping the block before he had a chance to carry it to his wall. He was not balancing the blocks on top of each other and they kept falling off and crashing to the floor. He did not seem to notice what he was doing wrong. Finally, Kevin showed him how to stack them. When Timmy tried to follow Kevin's instruction, he still could not place the blocks in a way that kept them from toppling over. Timmy got down on his knees and began to bang the latest block to fall on the floor.

"I hate you! I hate you! Thtupid bwock!" Timmy's face was getting red as he cried this out over and over again and continued to bang the block against the playroom floor.

Kevin sat in back of Timmy and put his legs around him. He put his arms around both of Timmy's to keep him from continuing to bang the block. He pulled Timmy to him. "Okay, Timmy. Shhhh. No more hitting the block. It's okay. We'll play with something else. Shhhh."

"NO!" Timmy screamed. "I WANNA PWAY WID DIS! I WANNA PWAY WID DIS!" Timmy began to kick his feet.

Timmy was escalating too quickly for Susannah and her staff's comfort. It was too late for one of them to get Timmy in a hold. Kevin had acted too quickly. They were not comfortable with him being a part of the physical restraint, but he didn't leave them a choice right now. Jeff held Timmy's legs to keep him from kicking. Susannah stabilized his head. She spoke to him soothingly.

"WET GO! I HATE YOU!" Timmy tried to kick his legs again. "YOU BIG DOO-DOO HEAD! I HATE YOU! WET GO!"

None of them had ever seen Timmy acting out like this before. He had never called anyone names before or needed to be physically restrained for anything, other than for medical procedures. Sam started to rush to Timmy when he heard him call for T�a.

"TEE! TEE!" Timmy screamed out for her.

T�a rushed over to where they were holding him on the floor. "Angelito, I'm right here. What's the matter? What is it that has you so upset?"

"Mthter Wabbit wan you thay I wove you and twckle him more." Timmy screams had now lowered to sobs.

T�a cradled Mr. Rabbit in her arms. "I love you so much, Mr. Rabbit." T�a tickled his neck the way Timmy had demonstrated. T�a held the toy in front of her again. "I'd love to tell Timmy how much I love him too, but he's so upset I don't know if he'd listen to me." T�a held Mr. Rabbit's mouth up to her ear. "Okay, I'll ask him. Thank you, Mr. Rabbit. That's very good advice."

T�a knelt down to Timmy. Kevin, Jeff and Susannah were still holding him, but they all had loosened their grip when they felt Timmy's struggling ease. "Angelito, Mr. Rabbit knows how much I want to tell you I love you and want to hold you. Will you stay safe so they can let me hold you?"

Timmy looked at T�a. She saw more tears glistening in his long lashes. He nodded.

Slowly and with caution, Susannah and Jeff released Timmy's head and legs. When they saw that he was staying calm, they got up and made room for T�a.

T�a sat on the floor, next to Timmy and Kevin.

"Okay, Timmy. I'll let T�a have her chance to hold you now." Kevin started to let go.

"Noooo. I wan you and Tee to ho'd me," Timmy whined.

T�a moved in and sandwiched Timmy between her and Kevin.

Timmy pulled both T�a and Kevin's arms around him tightly. Once that was done, he reached for Mr. Rabbit. He looked up at Kevin. "You twckle him, too."

Susannah sat on the floor in front of Timmy. "Sweetie, can you tell me if you've ever seen T�a and Kevin holding and tickling anyone?"

"I don wike him!" Timmy said angrily.

"Who don't you like," Susannah pressed.

"Dat wittle boy. I don wike him! He big baby and he bad! I hate him!"

Viki and Sam exchanged looks, as did Kevin and T�a. Now they all had a fairly good idea who Timmy had seen getting a lot of love and attention.

"Sweetie, did the little boy you saw have a name?" Susannah pushed

Timmy nodded.

"Can you tell us his name?" Susannah prompted.

"Adam," Timmy whimpered. "I don't wike him!" Timmy turned to Kevin. "You twckle Mthter Wabbit." Timmy once again, uncharacteristically whined.

Now they all had the picture. In addition to everything else that was bothering Timmy, he had a ferocious case of sibling rivalry with Adam. Apparently he had been able to see some of the interaction between the "newest baby in the family" and those Timmy considered "his."

Timmy watched longingly while Kevin tickled Mr. Rabbit's soft fur.

"Sweetie, can you tell why you don't like Adam?"

"He bad!"

"What does he do that's so bad?" Susannah asked.

"He make too much doise and he wan' too much 'ttention. He bad boy!"

"Whom does he want all this attention from?" Susannah gently encouraged him to talk about his jealousy.

"Kebin," Timmy whimpered. A tear spilled down his cheek. "Kebin and Tee."

Susannah realized that Kevin and T�a were the ones who played with Adam more than Sam or Viki or the staff and it was far more likely that Timmy would have seen them with him. "Yeah, Adam did get a lot of attention from Kevin and T�a. But you know, you weren't out when he was. If you had been there, Kevin and T�a would have given you attention, too," Susannah explained.

"Dey wike Adam. He baby." Timmy hung his head.

"Timmy, Adam has some special problems that need a lot of attention, but because of his problems and because he's a baby he doesn't get to do a lot of the fun things that you get to do," Susannah pointed out.

Timmy got on his knees and threw his arms around T�a's neck. He rested his head on her shoulder. He was obviously not ready to hear this yet.

T�a hugged him tightly. "Angelito, there's something I love to do with you that I can't do with Adam. I love to draw and color with you."

Kevin rubbed Timmy's back as T�a held him. "And I love to play with the cars with you and do puzzles with you. I can't do that with Adam."

Timmy didn't respond. He continued to hold onto T�a. His head remained on her shoulder, turned away from everyone.

Susannah turned to Jeff, who was sitting on a chair near where she, Kevin, T�a and Timmy sat on the floor. "Poor Kevin and T�a," Susannah began. "They love to color and play with the cars and do puzzles, but they had no one to do any of that with, because a baby is too young to know how to do those things. I'll bet they were hoping that Timmy would come out and play with them."

"I'll bet they were, too." Jeff went along with it. "It doesn't look to me like Timmy wants to draw or play with the cars or put together any puzzles. I guess T�a and Kevin are going to have to stay sad. They still won't have anyone to play with."

Timmy turned around in T�a's arms. He now sat with his back leaning into her. He looked at Jeff. "I pway wid dem," Timmy spoke up.

"You will!" T�a exclaimed. "Kevin, did you hear that! Timmy said he'll play with us. That makes me sooooo happyyyyy." T�a hugged Timmy to her tightly. She tickled his tummy.

Timmy giggled.

"Me, too!" Kevin's voice was gleeful. "I love playing with Timmy. I love spending time with Timmy." Kevin joined in the hug. "I love Timmy." Kevin emphasized each of those last three words. He tickled the back of Timmy's neck.

Timmy didn't scrunch his neck back the way Adam did. He was not as ticklish there, but he still enjoyed it and giggled in response.

T�a remembered Doctor Anderson saying he wanted to observe Timmy 's motor skills. "Why don't we go play with the remote control cars?"

"Kebin wike dat, too," Timmy stated happily.

"That's right! Hey, Timmy remembered. I love to play with those cars."

They headed over to the cars. "You thit dhere," Timmy pointed to a spot on the floor for T�a to sit. He said it more like an order than a request. "You thit dhere," he showed Kevin where he wanted him to sit. This was not at all like the meek, docile child they had come to know. Timmy toddled over to a car and placed it where he wanted it to be. Allan handed Timmy the remote. Timmy sat down on the floor, between Kevin and T�a. He had even more trouble using the remote to direct the cars than he did the last time he was out. T�a and Kevin exchanged nervous glances. Everyone seemed concerned.

**********************

Rachel was feeling a little better. She wanted to get something to eat. She asked Eileen if it were all right for her to go into the playroom and wait until Susannah had a chance to talk to her for a moment. If Susannah was still going to be a while, Rachel was going to go to the cafeteria. Rachel quietly slipped into the playroom. She stood in the back, near the door, and watched quietly.

********************

Kevin could see Timmy was getting frustrated. He did not want Timmy to start escalating again. "I think this has to be a team effort, Timmy. Since we�re using one remote we all need to do it together so everyone gets a chance."

Timmy looked at him. Kevin could see tears had already formed in Timmy's eyes over his inability to work the car. "Let's do it like this. Timmy gets to hold the remote and I'll put my hands on top and, T�a, you can put your hands on top of mine. Then we'll be like the Three Musketeers."

Kevin manipulated Timmy's fingers to work the remote and T�a basically held on, just to give Timmy a sense of them doing it together. "Wow, Timmy's making the car go so fast," T�a praised him. Timmy's big smile was a reward to them.

"Hey Timmy, wanna give Mr. Rabbit a ride?" Kevin suggested.

Timmy nodded eagerly.

Kevin moved Timmy's fingers so the car came back to them. He picked up the stuffed toy and balanced it on the car. Timmy clapped his hands gleefully and bounced up and down. "Wook! Mommy, Daddy, wook! Dota Hamen, ewewybowy wook! Mthter Wabbit wide da car." Timmy's smile covered his face. Kevin and T�a both hugged Timmy the way they had Adam. They tickled him until the sound of his laughter filled the room, making everyone smile.

PART 110 PAGE 3

Rachel loved seeing this part of Todd. She could not believe that these sweet and loving parts of him had been there all along. Rachel was taken back a bit by the closeness between T�a and Kevin. She saw how they seemed to work as a team and knew what to do help Timmy and make him happy. For a second she wondered if T�a had acted a little cold to her at times because Kevin had spent time with her and paid attention to her. Nah, she thought and pushed the idea out of her head. She told herself it's just that they've been working with Todd and his alters for so long that they had to have gotten closer. What Rachel didn't know was that, as much as he was happy they were comforting Timmy, seeing Kevin and T�a working so closely together with Timmy also disturbed Sam. The pictures Blair had shown him flashed through his mind.

Doctor Anderson approached Timmy. "I think Mr. Rabbit loved getting to ride on the car."

Timmy looked up at the doctor and nodded. "He tell Mthter Pamda and Mooth and dey wan wide, too."

Doctor Anderson noted to himself that Timmy had no problems recalling the names of his other stuffed animals, only pronouncing their names. Now that he understood Timmy's regression was most likely due, in part, to his feelings about Adam he was not as concerned. He pulled up a chair and sat facing Timmy. "Timmy, would you like to play some games with me, too?"

Timmy nodded again.

"Okay, the first one is called 'All About Timmy.' I'll ask you some questions and you tell me all about you," Doctor Anderson tapped his index finger to Timmy's nose. Timmy giggled in response. "Timmy, can you tell me how old you are?"

Timmy held up four fingers the way he usually did. Only this time he added, "Four thtill baby, too."

"Yes, four is very young." Doctor Anderson responded in a way that would neither encourage Timmy nor upset him further.

"Timmy, I'm going to point to everyone in the room that you know and you tell me the name of the person I'm pointing to."

Doctor Anderson wanted to see if Timmy remembered the names of some of the new staff along with the names he was familiar with. Timmy had no problem remembering everyone's name, only in pronouncing them.

Doctor Anderson asked several more questions and Timmy's responses were within the norm for his age.

"Okay, Timmy. Now we're going to play another game. You need to stand up for this."

Timmy got to his feet.

"Do you know how to play Simon Says?"

If Timmy knew, he had forgotten. He shook his head.

"The way the game goes is, I say 'Simon Says,' I say to do something and you do it. After I have a few turns, it will be your turn and you can tell me, 'Simon Says' and I'll have to do what you say."

"Kebin and Tee pway, too!" Timmy ordered.

Doctor Anderson looked in T�a and Kevin's direction. They both nodded in approval. "Sure they can play, too."

"Thure more da mewwier," Timmy repeated what Kevin had said quite some time ago. It was obvious that Timmy's long and short-term memory were fine.

T�a and Kevin stood up. Doctor Anderson began. "Simon says 'jump!'"

T�a and Kevin had enough sense to wait until Timmy did it first before they did. They knew they should not be giving him any hint as to how to respond. Timmy jumped up and down. Then they did, too.

"Great, Timmy. Everyone is a very good jumper. Okay, now Simon says, 'hop on your right foot.'"

Timmy stood still. He looked confused. He looked down at his feet. It became apparent he no longer knew his right from this left. He finally made a choice. He hopped on his left foot. He was able to balance on it for a normal amount of time.

Doctor Anderson had Timmy do a few more gross motor skills and some fine motor ones as well. Then he gave Timmy his turn. He joined Kevin and T�a and played along as Timmy gave the commands.

"He's good with Timmy," Viki whispered to Sam. Sam nodded in agreement. They were happy that Doctor Anderson was so gentle and playful with Timmy.

Suddenly Timmy started to look uncomfortable. He burst into tears.

"What's wrong? Timmy?" Kevin pulled him into a hug.

"Daddy pumish me. I bad. I make pee pee. Daddy pumish me wike he pumish Andy," Timmy cried.

Kevin looked down at Timmy's pants. They weren't wet. Then he remembered that Adam had been out before Timmy and Pete. Timmy still wore the absorbent brief that they had put on Adam.

Jeff heard what Timmy said. "Timmy, you must be really uncomfortable. Let me get you cleaned up and I'll get some fresh clothes on you."

"Daddy pumish me," Timmy insisted. He placed his first two fingers in his mouth.

Sam rushed over to him. "Timmy, I'm your daddy now. I'm not going to punish you, ever!" Sam took Timmy from Kevin and hugged him tightly. Sam kissed Timmy's forehead. "Never, ever. No punishment. You're my good boy. Daddy loves you."

Steve joined Jeff. "You ready to get cleaned up, buddy?" Steve held out his hand.

"I wan Mommy and Daddy and Tee and Kebin and Dota Hamen go wid me, too."

Susannah approached Timmy. "Sweetie, I need to talk to Mommy, Daddy, Tee and Kevin. You get cleaned up and then we can all have lunch together. You wanted alphabet spaghetti, right?"

"No! I wan ewewybowy go wid me." Timmy protested.

"Timmy, Jeff and Steve need to help you get clean and changed into something dry. We can't all go with you. You need to follow directions and go with them to get cleaned up. Then you can have lunch with all of us."

"NO!" Timmy stamped his feet.

Susannah turned to Timmy's family and announced, "Timmy is having problems following directions. You are all going to have to leave until he is able to do what we ask."

"NOOOOO!" Timmy screamed! He ran over and threw his arms around T�a. "I wan you go wid me," he pleaded.

T�a's heart started to pound. She knew what she needed to do, but didn't know if she would be able to. "Angelito, you need to get clean and dry. I'm really looking forward to having lunch with you. The faster you do that the faster we can have lunch."

"You go wid me, Tee," Timmy whined.

T�a would have been more than happy to go with him. She looked over Timmy's shoulder to Susannah. Susannah shook her head. Susannah appreciated that Timmy had placed T�a in a terrible position, but like Adam's, Timmy's behavior problems needed to be handled right, from the start.

"Angelito, look at me." T�a pulled back and lifted Timmy's face by the chin. "I love you very much. I want to spend the whole day with you. All you have to do is go with Jeff and Steve and get cleaned up. Then we can all have fun together."

"NO!" Timmy screamed again. He plopped down on the floor, cross-legged. He began to weep. "No, I wan ewewybowy go wid me. I wan ewewybowy go wid me. I wan ewewybowy go wid me," Timmy whined over and over again.

"This is ridiculous!" Sam announced and stood up.

"Sam!" Viki reached out to stop him.

Sam brushed off her hand from his arm. He rushed over to Timmy, crouched down on his knees and pulled Timmy into a hug. "Shhhh, Daddy's here. Daddy'll go with you and help you clean up."

"Nobowy wuv me. Dey aw go way foweber," Timmy cried.

"Shhhh. No one is going to go away. I promise. Do you remember the official promise? Do you want Daddy to make you an official promise?"

"No! I wan ewewybowy go wid me," Timmy insisted stubbornly.

Susannah had a feeling that this time it was more than being afraid everyone would leave. He was testing all of them. "No" seemed to be Timmy's new favorite word.

Sam cast looks at Viki, T�a and Kevin. He saw that they weren't going to budge on this. It was killing all of them to say no to Timmy, but they were trying to do what was best for him.

"Timmy, Daddy will go with you. Mommy, Kevin and T�a need to speak with Doctor Hanen and Doctor Anderson. Daddy promises you that they will be there when we get you all cleaned up. Daddy says you can trust them."

"Wike Thimon Thays," Timmy whimpered.

"Yeah, pal, kind of like Simone Says. Daddy says you can trust them."

"You thtay wid me and wath me." Timmy looked at Sam helplessly.

Susannah and her staff saw that Sam had just taught Timmy that he was the one who was most easily manipulated. She knew that even children as young as Timmy sensed that and would use it for all it was worth.

"I'll stay with you the whole time and I'll wash you and then I'll help you change into clean dry things. I think Jeff and Steve may have to help a little, but Daddy will do most of it, okay." Sam stroked Timmy's hair back and kissed him on the forehead.

Timmy nodded and allowed Sam to help him to his feet.

"Are we ready to go?" Sam glared in the direction of the two techs.

"Yep," Steve answered for both of them. "Come on, buddy. You'll feel a lot better after you're all nice and dry and clean." Timmy held onto Sam's hand as the four of them made their way to Timmy's room.

"Let's go to my office and talk," Susannah announced to all of them.

Rachel could see that her aunt was not happy with the way Sam handled Timmy. She did not want to intrude any further. "I can see you're going to be a while. I'm going to the cafeteria. Should I come to your office in about an hour?"

"That'll be fine, honey. I'll see you then," Susannah replied.

************************

Once everyone was seated, Susannah gave Doctor Anderson the floor. She knew he needed to get back to his other patients.

"Timmy's memory seems to be fine. He's oriented to time, person and place. However, there has been a decline in his cognitive skills as well as his gross and fine motor skills. At this point I don't suspect neurological problems. I think most of Timmy's declining skills are a combination of his mental problems, a sensitivity to the meds and plain old sibling rivalry."

"Timmy was always a brilliant little boy," Kevin commented. "Now he can't spell any of the words he used to know. He can't build things like he used to or even walk or talk like he used to."

Doctor Anderson saw the fear and sadness in Kevin's eyes. "Timmy still is a very smart child. I believe he continues to suffer from depression, anxiety, especially extreme separation anxiety. These disorders are causing cognitive impairment that result in a loss of some of his skills. This is common with young children. That Timmy reacts in a manner consistent with real, for the lack of a better word, young children has come as a surprise to me since I was not familiar with DID until now. Nevertheless, this is what I believe is happening. Since a very recent CT scan and MRI were done on Todd's brain, we know that there is no tumor or anything like that causing the problem. I believe that as Timmy progresses in therapy and his specific issues are addressed he will get back some of his skills. As for the medication, that is a problem. If Timmy were out most of the time, I would suggest a change, but since he's not, at this point, and Todd and some the others seem to be benefiting from it, I would not recommend lowering the dosage or discontinuing anything at this point."

"Do you think the epilepsy is contributing to Timmy's loss of skills?" Viki posed.

"Not the seizures themselves, but the antiseizure med may. Again, I can't recommend the Dilantin be reduced or discontinued because we have already seen a decrease in seizure activity in Todd and the other alters who have been out. If Timmy starts to come out more often then we may have to reevaluate his medications." Doctor Anderson turned to Susannah. "Do you plan on telling Timmy about the seizures?"

"Yes. On terms he can understand. I have some picture books that help a young child understand an epilepsy diagnosis."

Doctor Anderson turned back to Timmy's family. "I know Timmy's behavior can be frightening and cause you all great concern, but at this point I think most of it is temporary and I don't believe there are any problems with Timmy's central nervous system that are causing these behaviors. Are there any more questions for me?" Doctor Anderson looked at each of them.

The each said no. They understood that Susannah was the one they needed to turn to for further answers.

"Doctor Anderson, thank you so much for the staying to check Timmy out and for the patience and kindness you showed him. I know Sam is very grateful to you, too," Viki added.

"Yeah, it's not too many doctors, other than Susannah, who don't make Timmy freak out. You were great with him," Kevin stated.

"Well, he's a great kid. I'm very impressed with Todd and all of his alters. That young man has taught me a lot." Doctor Anderson turned to T�a. "Mrs. Manning. Please remember to take care of yourself. You've already done way too much for someone who sustained the kind of injury that you did. Please go home and get some rest. Okay, that said, I do have to get to my next appointment."

After Doctor Anderson left, Viki, Kevin and T�a looked toward Susannah.

"I agree with everything John said. I'm afraid that Timmy has always been more sensitive to all the medications we've ever used than Todd or the other alters and I absolutely agree on Timmy being jealous of Adam. He must have been watching some of us interact with Adam. In Timmy's mind, his place with all of you is threatened. You can think of it as how you would feel if your mate suddenly showed up with a lover and told you that from now on you would have to share his or her attention and love with them. Timmy sees Adam as an intruder who is there to take what's his. Timmy was suffering from separation anxiety before Adam came into the picture. Seeing what to Timmy is the equivalent of a new baby brother has added to that. Now Timmy not only fears losing you, but he fears losing you to Adam. His fears have just become even more specific in his mind."

"So seeing Adam has caused Timmy to become more disturbed?" Viki questioned.

"No, not in the way you mean. Actually, Timmy's reactions are very normal and typical. Children his age often exhibit developmental regression and oppositional behavior, meaning many of the things you saw . . . Timmy's refusal to follow instruction . . . his saying no to everything . . . his aggression . . . the tantrums . . . all of these are classic behaviors of a child Timmy's age when a new baby is brought into the family. Timmy can't vocalize his jealousy or fears or anxiety yet, so he shows them in the only way he can. Timmy does not feel he's getting his fair share of attention. To a child his age, there is no such thing as positive and negative attention. Attention is attention and he'll get it any way he can."

"And Sam played right into that," Kevin remarked.

"Kevin! Sam is going through Hell right now. You know that. I can't even begin to imagine how much the things Pete said to him today reinforced all the guilt he's already feeling. He can't bear to see any of them suffer, especially the children. In his mind he's doing what's right for Timmy and for Adam and for all of them, including Todd." Viki wanted Kevin to show Sam more compassion.

"I know that, Mom. Sam's got problems. But his problems are contributing to Todd's problems and the alter's problems. It kills me not to give Timmy and Adam their way, but I know it won't help them if I do."

"Kevin, I understand that. Oh God, I don't know what to do. Sam just needs some time to get himself together. I can't believe that a little spoiling will do that much harm. Those children deserved to be spoiled after the life they've led."

T�a sat quietly. She could see both sides. She knew Sam was making the problems worse, but she could also sympathize with him. In fact her heart went out to him. She never forgot the kindness he showed her. T�a was forever grateful to Sam for coming to Llanview to help Todd save their marriage. She wondered if she and Todd would have ever gotten back together without Sam's help. T�a remembered how different Sam seemed then. He was so strong and together. T�a wished there were some way she could help Sam and ease his suffering.

"Susannah, do you agree with that? Should we go along with Timmy's bad behavior for now?" Kevin asked.

"The thing I'd like for you all to be able to do is to see this behavior as Timmy's way of communicating his pain, rather than as bad behavior. And no, I don't agree that his tantrums should be given into any more than Adam's. The reason is the same with both children. By giving into them you are giving the message that this is the way to get what they want. Rules and limits have to be set for Timmy and he needs to respect them and understand that if he doesn't, there are consequences. Like with Adam, the time to give Timmy extra attention and even rewards is when he exhibits positive behavior."

"Then what about the bottle and the babyish behavior? I mean I did notice that you gave me a warning glance not to make a big deal of Timmy wanting a bottle," Kevin pointed out.

Toddler regression is handled differently than oppositional behavior. Some children Timmy's age need to be babied for a while when they are first dealing with a new sibling. This is also a normal reaction. Timmy sees that a baby gets all this attention, so in his mind being a baby is a good thing. He may think that you don't like him any more because he's not a baby. Timmy may have also seen some of Adam's behavior and now he thinks that is what he needs to do, too. On an unconscious level, he may even feel the need to �outbaby� Adam. That might be why Timmy wants a bottle instead of a sippy cup. It's okay to allow him to be a baby for a while. He needs that right now. He wants to go back to a place, not only where he sees Adam is, but also to a place that he might remember as being safer. In this case, we know that Peter started abusing Todd from the time he was as young as two, possibly younger. The only safety and security they may have known were when they were being held and fed by the mother."

"So we don't say anything and just go along with it when he talks baby talk or wants to drink out of a bottle?" T�a asked.

"That would be the best way to go for now. Fulfill his needs to return to being a baby, but when he does act in an age appropriate way, that is when you would say something and make a big deal out of it. Unlike Adam, praise is very reinforcing to Timmy. Once Timmy is not denied what he thinks will be pleasurable, being treated like a baby, he may discover that it is not so pleasurable after all and want to be treated like a big boy again. You encourage and attend to the part of him that wants to grow up, and don't make too much of the part that wants to be a baby. The best way is to do what you've already done. Remind him of all the positive things there are in being a big boy. Point out all the things he gets to do that Adam can't, only don't make too much of even that. Don't lecture him on it or constantly bring it up. Don't tell him that he is favored over Adam or over any of the others. We don't want him to compare himself to anyone. We want him to know that just being Timmy is what is expected of him and he doesn't have to feel he has to be better or worse than anyone to be loved and accepted or to get attention. I think once he gets the attention he craves, he will start to see that being four is better than being a baby. You need to understand that Timmy is not thinking I'm going to talk this way or I'm going to ask for a bottle. These are needs that he now has that need to be satisfied. This is the way he has of reacting to his fear, jealousy, anger and insecurity."

"What happens if Adam comes out at the same time as Timmy? Do you encourage them to play together?" T�a inquired.

"Well, Adam is not a typical three year old and I'm referring to the autism, not to his being an alter. Timmy cannot play with Adam the way he could with a typical three year old alter. Timmy needs to be educated about Adam's disorder in a way that he can understand why Adam acts more like a baby than a three-year-old. Once he is able to grasp that, it might be helpful to him to enlist him in helping with Adam and it would probably be beneficial to Adam as well. At the beginning we would have to watch out for covert hostility. That means that while seemingly giving physical affection to Adam, Timmy could take out his hostilities on him by holding him too hard or squeezing him and in return, Adam may hurt Timmy by biting him or hitting him. As we've seen with Thomas and Andy, they can do damage to the body by thinking they are actually attacking each other. We would need to show Timmy how to hold Adam and then praise him when he does it right and not make too much of it if he makes a mistake. Of course we would watch him closely to make sure no harm is done to Todd's body. The best that we can hope for is that Timmy begins to appreciate being older and being able to become a parent-like figure to Adam. This way he will no longer feel he's in competition with him."

"Susannah, what about Timmy losing his potty training? Is that more of a cause for alarm?" Viki questioned.

"No. This is also a very common part of regression. He might have seen that Adam still uses what Timmy perceives as a diaper, so he might interpret that as part of what gets Adam extra attention, again, this is not really on a conscious level. It may also be that Timmy was not toilet trained during the time of his life that he wants to get back to. Please don't be overly concerned about this. Timmy will surly pick up on that and either begin to feel ashamed or realize that this is a way to get to get a rise out of you. When he realizes he's wearing an absorbent brief, he may hate it and let go of this or he may find security in wearing what he perceives as a diaper. As with Adam, I promise you we will check him frequently and keep him as clean as possible. In Timmy's case we may take him to the bathroom many times during the day to encourage him to use the toilet, even if he has wet himself. We want him to continue to associate feeling he has to go or going with the bathroom. When he does let us know he needs to use the bathroom . . . that is when we will praise him and reward him with a sticker or some small reinforcer. It's really not that much different from the ABA we do with Adam. If this continues, I will test a urine sample just to make sure there are no physical causes. I�m sure there aren�t, so please don�t start worrying about that."

"How long does this kind of behavior usually last?" Kevin hated to see Timmy so unhappy.

"It's hard to say. It differs with every child. A reasonable time with a typical child would be two to six weeks. With Timmy we will have to base it on how many times he's out and how much therapy I'm able to do with him. In either case, when some time has gone by and the child is still acting like a baby, it is sometimes helpful to give him a special time every day when he can be a baby. We might put aside a half hour twice a day or even fifteen minutes two or three times a day. We would call that 'Timmy's special time' or 'Timmy's baby time.' During that time, whoever was with Timmy would give him all his or her attention. In a typical situation, that would mean having someone else looking after the baby during this time, not taking any phone calls, not doing anything that takes attention away from the child. During the child's special or baby time, if he wanted to drink from a bottle, or be held . . . rocked . . . cuddled . . . tickled . . . sung to . . . whatever baby activity he craved, he would get during this time. We would set a timer. When the timer goes off it's back to being a big boy again. Often just this small period of time in the day is enough to satisfy the need to be babied. It is sometimes helpful to schedule this for a specific time in the day . . . say after lunch or after a nap or anytime that it works out for the child and the adult doing the babying. This way the child knows he has this to look forward to. He can act his age most of the day, knowing that he will get his time to fulfill his need to be the baby and he'll know when it's going to happen. This helps him feel secure. Susannah could see T�a, Kevin and Viki looked worried. "It might not come to this. Timmy may stop this behavior on his own. Why don't we play it by ear and let Timmy's needs guide what we do."

"Susannah, if it comes to it you can count me in. If this is what Timmy needs now, I'll be there to give it to him," Kevin promised.

"So will I. Giving him love and attention is easy. It's saying no to him that's the hard part," T�a declared.

"Oh Lord, yes. That is the hard part. Sam isn't the only one who feels like his heart is breaking when it comes to disciplining those children. When a child is so sick and has been hurt so badly it's very difficult to say no to them or to deny them anything," Viki lamented.

T�a smiled. "I know what you mean. When I see a big smile on any of the children's faces or hear their laughter it's more gratifying than anything I've ever known in my life."

"It's a high all right," Kevin added. "To be able to give someone who has suffered so much and been so unhappy for his whole life even a few moments of happiness . . . it's like nothing I've ever felt before. I hope someday I get to tell Todd how grateful I am to him for giving me the opportunity to know that kind fulfillment. This may be the first time in my life I've ever been able to get real pleasure out of doing something for someone that didn't benefit me in some way."

"Honey, you have done a lot of unselfish things in your life." Viki didn't realize Kevin had such negative feelings about himself.

Kevin smiled sadly at Viki. "Mom, I know you like to think that, but if you look back on things I've done for most people, there was almost always something in it for me. Hell, even now there is still something for me. I love spending time with Timmy and Adam and Tom because it makes me feel good about myself."

"There's nothing wrong with that, Kevin. Feeling good about what we do with our days' and about ourselves is a good and a healthy way to feel. That your pleasure comes from helping someone is great! Relationships should be mutually beneficial. I'm guessing that when Todd is well and finds out that he was able to help you while you were helping him, he will feel good about himself, too." Susannah saw that once again Kevin was being very hard on himself.

"There's something else I want to point out," Susannah announced. "In this case, Timmy acting out is encouraging in one respect. We know that Timmy would have been severely punished, most likely tortured, if he had acted this way in front of Peter. Timmy's behavior is showing us that he trusts us not to hurt him or punish him. We want him to understand consequences, but to realize that those consequences will never be someone hurting him. He throws tantrums with us because he feels safe. When Todd was really Timmy's age and younger, he could never act out in the normal way most children do. He could not yell back, cry, or even say no."

"Is it similar to the way the children are now able to cry and struggle and pull away when medical procedures hurt or frighten them. We assume they never could cry out or try to get away from anything painful when Todd was little. If they had struggled or cried they would have been hurt even more," Viki stated and wiped a tear from her eye.

"Yes. It's very much the same thing. They suffered in silence their whole lives. Now they need to get some of that out," Susannah confirmed.

They were all startled when the phone rang. "Yes." Susannah sighed. They could tell that she was not happy with whatever the person on the other end of the phone said to her. "Is Timmy still in his room? . . . all right, bring her to my office quickly. I don't want her out in the hallway or in any lounge area in case Todd or Pete comes out." Susannah turned back to Todd's family. "Nora has shown up and she's insisting on seeing me. I don't want to chance Todd or an alter that would be upset with Nora's presence coming out and seeing her. I'm sorry. I did want to discuss Pete with you also, but I would prefer Sam be present for that. If any of you want to ask any further questions or need to talk about this or anything more, can we do it later?"

They all told Susannah of course. Viki also told her that she would make sure to explain to Sam everything that Susannah had explained to them about Timmy. Viki rested her hand on Susannah's arm. "I suspect that Nora is still upset about what happened with Pete and Bo and about Rachel working with Adam. Would you like me to stay and try to help put Nora's mind at ease?"

SECRETS

PART 110 PAGE 4

Susannah smiled. "Viki, thank you. I appreciate your willingness to throw yourself on a grenade for me, but this is more an issue about my sister and me than it is an issue over Todd or any of his alters. Why don't you all rest a while before lunch?" Susannah turned to T�a. "I hope you're going to heed Doctor Anderson's advice. I know you want to stay and have lunch with Timmy. Hopefully, he will go down for a nap after lunch. That might be a good time for you to go back to your hotel room. I'm sure Rachel will be happy to drive you and get you and her settled in." As Susannah said that she wondered if Nora knew that Rachel was going to be staying with T�a for a few days. "Oh, one more thing," Susannah called out to them. "Please don't go into Timmy's room. He has already heard you all say that you were not going to be with him. If he sees you in there now, it will confuse him."

They all nodded in agreement or said "okay." Each of them had a sheepish look on his or her face. Going to see how Timmy was doing was exactly what each of them had planned on doing.

***********************

Shortly after Viki, T�a and Kevin left and headed for the lounge near Timmy's room, Eileen ushered Nora into Susannah's office.

"I think I can find the rest of the way myself, thank you," Nora quipped sarcastically when Eileen walked her all the way into Susannah's inner office. "Are you people going for some kind of speed record when you escort someone?" Nora added.

"Thank you." Susannah patted Eileen on the arm. As soon as the nurse left, Susannah turned to Nora. "I asked them to get you in here quickly in case Todd or an alter who would be upset by seeing you came out."

Nora smirked. "Yes, we would not want Todd or any of his alters to be upset by seeing me. Of course, if you really want to see something upsetting, you might want to see a stab wound in your husband's gut or see your child placing herself in danger by working with a violent psychotic."

Susannah didn't take the bait. "Would you like some coffee?" Susannah offered. "I have some butter cookies."

Nora shook her head. "You always did like the butter cookies that came in those tins."

"So did you," Susannah reminded her. "You used to try to get to the tins first and take all the pretzel shaped ones before I had a chance to get any."

Nora laughed. "I did get them all, too. Until that one time . . ."

"I remember," Susannah cut her off. She smiled. "I was looking through your desk for some loose leaf paper and I found your stash. My God, you must have had dozens of them, from several tins, hidden in that desk drawer."

"And you ate at least half of them. You probably would have eaten all of them if I hadn't walked in and caught you." There was a twinkle in Nora's eye at the memory of it.

"I probably would have," Susannah admitted, "if I hadn't of stopped eating and sat down to try to figure out why you took the cookies if you didn't really want to eat them."

Nora looked at her sister and smiled. "Always the shrink . . . always trying to get inside everyone's head. Mom and Dad always thought you'd grow up to be a vet because you were forever dragging injured animals into the house and nursing them back to health, but I think I always knew you were going to end up a shrink. Nora looked off into space for a moment. Then she looked into Susannah's eyes. "So did you ever figure out why I took the cookies?"

Susannah shrugged. "Maybe?" For a moment, Susannah's mind went back to Timmy and his feelings about Adam. "Maybe you resented me coming into your life and taking away what was yours, Mom, Dad, our grandparents. So you got off on taking something that you knew I liked, even if you didn't especially want it."

The small smile that had been on Nora's face froze there. Her mouth still held the smile, but her eyes were no longer twinkling. They were angry and hurt. "I guess this is what they pay you the big bucks for . . . figuring out everyone's motives. I do think that this is a little beneath you. Just plain old sibling rivalry? Come on, Susannah. You can do better than that. I'm sure my motives were much darker and sicker."

"That can be a very strong driving force. Siblings can end up never being close or even enemies for life because of these kinds of unresolved issues."

"I can understand that," Nora stated coldly. "Sometime the sibling may even grow up to feel so resentful that he or she places their brother or sister's child in danger just to get back at them."

"Nora." Susannah stayed calm despite feeling hurt by Nora's accusation. "I know you're frightened for Rachel and angry with me, but do you honestly believe that I would use Rachel that way?"

"Yes! . . . no . . . I don't know what to believe. Here I thought we were making some strides in patching up our differences and then you go and pull something like this."

"Rachel is a grown woman. I can't tell her what to do any more than you can."

"Don't underestimate yourself. She looks up to you. She has always respected her Aunt Susannah. Rachel was very young when she joined the 'isn't Susannah the greatest gift to earth' club." Nora realized what she sounded like. "Do you get some bonus points from the AMA for being right again?"

Susannah felt compassion for Nora. She knew that Nora didn't want to feel this way. "Rachel loves and respects you more than anyone. So much, in fact, that she never thought she could live up to you. She tried her best to be what she thought you wanted. That's why she went to law school," Susannah pointed out.

"And that's also why she became involved in drugs. Go ahead, why don't you add that!"

"Rachel is fine now. She's a strong young woman. She recovered and she has taken back control of her life. She might not have been able to do that without the love and support you, Hank and Bo gave her. Rachel still wants you to be proud of her and happy for her. Only now she realizes that the most important thing is being happy with herself and being proud of herself. That has to come first, Nora. No matter how good someone feels about us, if we don't feel good about ourselves and what we are doing with our life, it always feels like something is missing."

"I am proud of her." Nora sounded defensive. "I think working with kids with autism is fantastic. It's working with Todd that I have a very big problem with."

"I'm not going to tell you that Todd or Pete or any alter other than Adam can never come out. I can tell you that I will always be in the room when Rachel works with Adam and so will a tech and most likely Adam's family. The danger to Rachel is minimal."

"Minimal! This is my child we're talking about! If the danger is one in a hundred million, it's not a chance I want Rachel to take."

"It�s a chance Rachel wants to take. Nora, this is an unusual case for Rachel. She is fascinated by DID. She wants to work with Adam not only because he has autism, but because he is an alter with autism."

"Look, Adam might be an innocent baby, but he lives inside a man who is a rapist, a stalker, and probably a murderer and he lives with other alters who have lost touch with reality to the point that they try to stab to death anyone whom they confuse with their father."

"I know Bo was trying to help Pete, but he never should have tried to take the scissors away from him. He should have let us handle it and Bo knows that. He doesn't blame Pete."

"Susannah, let me ask you something, my feelings and yours about our childhood problems aside. What if it had been Rachel who'd gotten stabbed? What if he plunged that scissors into her heart, or her eye or neck? Would you tell me that it was Rachel's fault because she should have known better?"

"I'm telling you that Rachel knows the risks. She was there and saw what happened to Bo. I told her that I cannot guarantee that she will never get hurt. Rachel wants to do this. She is qualified. She is very good at what she does. She wants a chance at this unusual case. I trust that she fully understood the warning I gave her and that she knows what she's getting into. I won't treat Rachel with any less respect than I would a stranger who came here to work with Adam, and I won't deny her this chance because of your fears." Susannah was adamant.

Nora was quiet for a moment. She swallowed hard. "She's really good at this?"

"Yes!" Susannah smiled broadly. "She is very good. I am so impressed with her. She knew what to do without much guidance from me. She responded well to Adam and got him to respond well to her. She was patient and she worked with him without any sign of fear. In some cases, beginners who work with typical children with autism are anxious and uncomfortable when they first start. Rachel wasn't. She was confident in her knowledge. Adam sensed no fear or anxiety from her and neither did I. Nora, I think Rachel has really found what she wants to do with her life, career wise." Susannah saw pride for her daughter shine in Nora's eyes.

"Rachel always was good with kids. I remember the kids she babysat with loved her and would always ask for her," Nora stated. "I think she gets that from you. You were always great with kids, too, and one of the most popular babysitters in the neighborhood. You always made way more money than I did."

Susannah smiled. "That's because you used to try to talk the kids into going to bed early so your boyfriends could come over."

Nora laughed. "Did those little rug-rats tell you that?"

"They also told me that sometimes you would move the clocks up an hour to try to fool them into thinking it was their bedtime."

"You mean they were on to me?" Nora seemed genuinely shocked. "Then I guess it's a good thing I gave them a cut of my money to go to bed and not say anything."

"No wonder you always had to borrow money from me," Susannah joked.

"I always paid you back." Seeing the look Susannah gave her, Nora added, "Well, I did most of the time." Nora's expression turned serious again. "Susannah, I really am afraid for her."

"I know," Susannah admitted. "I promise you I will do everything within my power to make sure she stays safe. Honestly, I don't believe there is much risk. The children are sweet and gentle. Most of them are afraid of the world around them. Even Pete is usually not a danger. He wants to be loved more than he wants to hurt anyone. His rage has dissipated some since he's been here. So has Todd's, and physically none of them are very strong. They are all just starting to get their health back. I know Rachel would very much like your support."

"Yes she would." Rachel said angrily. Susannah had previously told her secretary to let Rachel come right in. That was before she knew Nora would be there. "I would like it, Mom. I don't need it. That's the part of me that I worked on. You came here to try to talk Susannah out of letting me work with Adam, didn't you?"

"I don't want you to get hurt. Is that so difficult to understand?"

"No. I do understand it. What I don't understand is why you think you can still run my life."

"That's not what I'm trying to do." Nora needed Rachel to understand her feelings as much as Rachel needed Nora to understand hers.

"Mom, it might not be what you think you're trying to do, but it is. I don't want to make you worry about me. I'm sorry if my working with Adam will cause you pain. I wish you could be happy that I'm getting this opportunity and I wish you could see what terrific kids some of the alters are. Don't forget, I hated Todd too. I've gotten past that." Rachel went up to Nora and took her hands. "Mom, what's the one thing you've always wanted most for me?"

Nora looked into Rachel's big brown eyes. She smiled. Nora pulled her right hand away and stroked Rachel's cheek. "I've wanted you to be happy."

Rachel smiled back. "I am, Mom. I really am."

Nora looked deeply into Rachel's eyes. "You are, aren't you?"

Rachel's smile got bigger. She nodded.

"Susannah says you're very good at what you do. You're gonna make a difference in the lives of children. You'll help them and change their lives' for the better. That's one of the best ways I can think of spending your life."

Rachel hugged Nora tightly. Susannah looked on. She was happy for both of them. She knew that Nora was still not happy with her for getting Rachel involved in this and that she would still worry herself to death every time she knew Rachel was with Adam. Susannah also knew that Nora may never forgive Todd, but she was finally giving Rachel her wings. Susannah was proud of her sister.

Rachel was just about to tell Nora that she was staying with T�a for a few days when they all heard Timmy scream.

"I WAN DOTA HAMEN! I WAN DOTA HAMEN! NO! NO DAYWOOM! NO! I WAN DOTA HAMEN! DOTA HAMEN GO WAY! THEE WEAVE ME!"

"Excuse me," Susannah said as she rushed past Rachel and Nora.

When she got to the hallway, she found Timmy sitting on the floor near the dayroom, crying his eyes out. Sam, Viki, T�a and Kevin were with him, but apparently his head count came up one short.

"Timmy, I'm right here." Susannah knelt down beside him.

"You thay you be dhere when I get cweaned up. I cwean and you go way," Timmy sobbed.

"Timmy, I'm sorry. I did say I would be there. I was only in my office. I didn't go far."

"You go way foweber."

"Nooo, shhhh. Sweetie, I'm right here. I didn't go away forever. I'll never go away forever."

Timmy reached out for a hug. Susannah took him into her arms and held him tightly. She rocked him gently for a few minutes. Finally he sat back. "I wan ba-ba."

What do you want in your ba-ba?" Susannah asked.

"Pineaddle duice."

"How about we all go into the dayroom for some of that alphabet spaghetti and I'll have someone bring you your ba-ba in there?"

Timmy nodded.

"Timmy, I just have to tell someone who's in my office that I can't talk to them any more right now. I'll be right ba . . ."

Before Timmy had a chance to get upset again, Nora walked down the hallway toward her sister and Timmy. She and Rachel had been watching from a few feet away. Timmy's pitiful cries compelled Nora to see him.

Sam and Viki moved forward. Their first instinct was to protect Timmy from Nora.

Kevin and T�a also believed that Nora was there to start trouble. They too moved closer.

"Timmy." Nora knelt down to Timmy's eye level. She looked into his large innocent eyes. She noticed they looked brown. She remembered Todd's eyes being lighter in color. "Doctor Hanen doesn't have to leave you to go to her office. She can say goodbye to me right here."

"Who you?" Timmy started to suck on his fingers.

Nora could see she, being a stranger, frightened him. "My name is Nora. Doctor Hanen is my sister and Rachel is my daughter."

"Viki my thister, but thee my mommy dow. I wike Wadhel. Thee thad and cwy."

Nora had to think about what he was trying to say for a moment. Then it came to her. "Rachel was sad and she was crying?" Nora looked up at Rachel.

Timmy nodded.

"Wadhel do thomething bad to thomeone and thee thad and cwy. Her daddy don pumish her. So dow thee not thad and thee thtop cwying. I habe alpabet paghetti for wunch. Kebin pway alpabet paghetti game wid me. Tee and Mommy and Daddy and Dota Hamen pway, too."

Timmy's smile tugged at Nora's heart. This confused her. First Adam got to her and now Timmy. She was not ready to let go of her feelings about Todd. "Well, you have a nice lunch. Alphabet spaghetti sounds like a lot of fun."

Timmy nodded. He began to suck his thumb.

Rachel wanted to explain to Nora why she was crying. She also wanted to tell her that she would be working with RJ and staying with T�a. Then Rachel wanted to take T�a back to her hotel room. Rachel turned to Susannah. "Since you're going to be having lunch with Timmy, would it be all right if I took Mom to your office so we can talk?"

"Sure, honey. Here are the keys." Susannah handed them to her. "If my secretary is out to lunch by the time you leave the office, please lock the outer door and then bring me back the keys."

Nora took one more look at Timmy. She could not believe that she so clearly saw a child, the way she had with Adam.

"Bye, Timmy. Maybe I'll see you later?" Rachel knelt down and stroked his head.

"Bye Wadhel," Timmy opened and closed his hand, the way a baby waves bye-bye.

"Yes . . . um . . . bye Timmy." They could all see that Nora felt awkward.

Timmy waved bye-bye to Nora too.

Rachel and Nora headed for Susannah's office and everyone else headed into the dayroom, for lunch.

**********************

During lunch it was even more obvious that Timmy had some cognitive impairment. Once Kevin saw Timmy could no longer spell even the simplest of words, he quickly changed the game. He saw that Timmy could still recognize the letters so Kevin told him what letters to fish out and Kevin spelled the words on the spoon. Timmy refused to feed himself. After each word had been spelled out, Kevin fed him the spoonful. Timmy did hold his bottle of juice by himself as he drank from it. For desert Kevin fed him some chocolate ice cream. Even Sam was impressed with the patience and tenderness Kevin was displaying. Sam once again hoped that Blair was wrong about Kevin still hating Todd and about him having an affair with T�a.

********************

Rachel and Nora sat in the club chairs in Susannah's office. Calmly and with self-confidence, Rachel told her mom that she was going to work as a hostess at Club Indigo. As expected, Nora was not thrilled. Nora knew that some of RJ's friends and business associates were not the type of people she wanted Rachel associating with. She voiced her opinion to Rachel. She kept herself from asking Rachel not to take the job. Rachel appreciated that. She did her best to assure Nora that she was not a naive little girl and she now had enough sense to know whom to stay away from. She also reminded Nora that her uncle RJ loved her and no more wanted her to have anything to do with the less savory aspects of his life than she did. Nora saw the truth in that. She told Rachel she only wanted the best for her and would do her best to support her in whatever made her happy. Rachel believed her mom. She hoped that it would last and that Nora's fears for her and feelings that she was still her little girl would not eventually get the best of her and once again drive her behavior.

When Rachel told Nora she would be spending a few days at T�a's, Nora was again not too pleased. "You just got home. Why don't you ask T�a if she would like to spend a few days with us instead?" Nora suggested.

"Mom, it's only for a few days. I promise. I'm not moving in with her. I don't think T�a would be as comfortable as she would be in her own room."

Nora did see the reasoning behind that. "You will come to spend the first Passover night with us?" Nora asked hopefully. "T�a is more than welcome to join us," she added.

"Yes, Mom. I'll be there. You know I've always loved that since I was a kid. I wouldn't want to miss it."

"I did invite Susannah and Bill. She said his kids would be in town. I guess they should be coming in tomorrow or the next day. Have you met Bill?" Nora asked.

"No. I can hardly wait to, though. From what you, Bo and Susannah have told me he sounds like a great guy."

"He seems very nice. I liked him immediately. Grandma would love him. I think she'll be happier than anyone if Susannah ever tells her about him."

"Mom, I hope you're respecting Aunt Susannah's wishes and not saying anything to Grandma and Grandpa Hanen."

"Don't worry," Nora assured Rachel. "You know I think I'll head back to the dayroom with you. I want to ask Susannah if she knows by now if she's able to make it or not."

The two of them left Susannah's office. Rachel locked the door as promised and then headed down the hall with her mom.

***********************

Nora and Rachel entered the dayroom quietly, in case Timmy was no longer out. Nora didn't want to admit it, but she wanted to see Timmy again. In some strange way she was drawn to the children that lived inside the man she hated.

Both Nora and Rachel exchanged glances and then smiles. T�a was sitting on the couch. Timmy was lying back in her arms drinking from his bottle, as he had earlier, only this time T�a rested her arm against the arm of the couch for support. T�a was singing to him again. They felt the love emanating from her as she looked down at Timmy and sang to him softly. Timmy stared into T�a's eyes as he drank. Timmy held the bottle with one hand and with the other he reached up and twirled a strand of T�a's hair around his finger. His eyes were getting heavy with sleep.

Nora and Rachel didn't call to Susannah. They didn't want to disturb Timmy. They waited until Susannah noticed them by the door and motioned her over. Rachel handed her back the keys.

"I remember when Rachel used to do that when she was going to sleep in my arms," Nora remarked as she kept her eyes on Timmy. "How is it possible?"

Susannah knew what she meant. "Timmy is a four-year-old. He may live inside Todd's body, but he is a four-year-old and right now he's a very regressed four-year-old."

Nora sighed. "This is all too much for me to take in. I came here today ready to raise Hell over what Pete did to Bo and instead I find myself . . ." Nora shook her head as if she were trying to shake the tender feelings she had for Timmy out of it. Nora quickly changed the subject. "Susannah, I was wondering if you knew yet if you and Bill were going to be coming for the first Seder night?"

"I'm hoping to be able to. Bill's kids are going to be coming in day after tomorrow. If it seems like something they'd like, I would love to bring them. Even if Bill and his kids can't make it, I'd still love to come and spend the holiday night with all of you."

"Uncle RJ and Dad are going to be coming," Rachel told her aunt.

"I hope they don't get into one of their heated discussions," Nora joked.

"Maybe they'll be on their best behavior if there are some young children at the table, so tell Bill's kids they'll be doing us a favor if they come," Rachel kidded.

Talking about children made then all glance in Timmy's direction. They saw that T�a had fallen asleep and Timmy had also fallen asleep, in her arms. Viki sat reading a magazine. Kevin was making some notes for an article he was working on. Sam sat staring off into space, as had become his habit. Jeff and Steve sat off in a corner of the room talking quietly to each other. They were ready in case they were needed.

"Let's step outside," Susannah suggested. She left the dayroom door ajar so she could hear Timmy if he called to her.

*******************

Rachel and Nora filled Susannah in on their discussion. Susannah was happy that Nora was making a real effort to accept that her child had grown up and that Rachel was able to understand her mom's fears. Nora remembered that she never asked Rachel why she had been crying. Without mentioning Pete, Rachel told Nora that she had been thinking about the night she killed Georgie.

"Rachel." Nora tried her best not to sound like she was trying to run Rachel's life again. "Maybe being around Todd, even if it's not Todd who's out, brings back too many painful memories?"

"I did kill a woman and her baby, Mom. Those are memories I'm going to have to learn to live with. Staying away from Todd and his alters will not take away that night."

Nora knew there was truth in that. She would gladly take Rachel's pain onto herself if she could.

"I know you'll find a way. You've always been a very strong young woman," Nora reassured her daughter.

******************

They all looked toward the dayroom when they heard Timmy cry out. Timmy had been having a bad dream.

A big purple, dragon-like monster was ripping pictures of Timmy's mommy off the wall. As had once actually happened to Timmy, months before, Timmy watched the pictures of his mother fall to his feet. "Your mommy's never coming back," Timmy heard the monster growl. The monster had long arms with claws at the end of each one. Timmy looked down at the fallen pictures of his mother. He looked up at the monster. He tried to run. He couldn't get his legs to move.

"Mommy! Moooommmmyyyyy," Timmy cried out.

Susannah rushed back to Timmy's side. Hearing the anguished cries of a child made Nora and Rachel look into the dayroom as well.

The sound of Timmy's cries had woken T�a up with a start. For the moment she was dazed. Timmy's legs were moving as if he were tying to run. His arms were flailing. Steve, Jeff and Susannah quickly pulled him off of T�a before he accidentally hurt her or himself.

Timmy's eyes were open. He was struggling with them. He was caught between reality and his nightmare. Kevin rushed to T�a and pulled her up off the couch. He too was trying to protect her against any accidental injury. Still slightly dazed, T�a tripped. Kevin caught her before she fell, but not before the part of Timmy that was conscious of what was going on in the room saw T�a start to fall.

From where they stood in the doorway, Nora and Rachel's eyes opened wide when they heard the child in Steve, Jeff, and Susannah's arms shriek with pain and start screaming for them not to touch him.

TO BE CONTINUED

COPYRIGHT RS 2001/RHFC

This work of fiction is not affiliated with ABC Daytime and is not

endorsed by them. The images, characters, cities and settings are all

copyrighted by ABC Daytime. All material included in these pages is, in my

belief, for educational purposes, in accordance with the "Fair Use Act".