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"Hurry up, Frank! I wanna make T�a come back faster." Tom called out as Frank was getting his clothes from the draw.

"Tom, you have to stop wiggling so I can get your hair brushed," Steve gently chastised him. Both men were smiling. They had never seen Tom so excited. They couldn't get him to stop fidgeting in the tub. He didn't even play with his bath toys the way he usually did.

"When's Doctor Hanen bringing my skates? I wanna practice so I'll be a good skater when T�a gets here?"

"Do you remember Doctor Hanen saying she would bring them to you after you eat breakfast?" Steve reminded him.

Tom thought for a moment. "No! That's no good. T�a will be here by then. I need to practice! I wanna be a good skater!" Tom insisted.

"Tom, don't you think that T�a would like to be the one to teach you," Steve pointed out.

"That's right buddy. I think T�a was looking forward to that," Frank added.

Tom thought about what they told him. "Okay. I wanna do what T�a likes. Did you know she came here special just to see me?" Tom asked them this for the forth time.

Steve laughed. "We know, Tom. We know. You are very special to T�a. She loves you very much."

Tom was beaming. His smile was a pleasure to see. "Me and T�a are gonna have the best time." Tom emphasized the word best.

"We certainly are. I can hardly wait!" T�a walked into the room carrying a large pizza and another bag.

"T�a!" Tom shouted in delight. "See! I took a bath and got dressed real quick so T�a came back faster," Tom announced to Steve and Frank. He jumped off the bed and ran to T�a. "T�a, where's your skates?" Tom didn't see any bag big enough to hold a pair of skates.

"They're at the nurses' station. They're just giving them a quick check to make sure there are no sharp edges on them. We are going to have our breakfast first. I brought you a chocolate shake to go with that pizza," T�a informed Tom.

"I love chocolate shakes!" Tom tried to throw his arms around T�a. She held the pizza box and the bag in the air. "Hey, we're going to have mashed pizza. Let me put this down."

Tom pulled away. "I'm sorry, T�a. Are you mad at me?"

"No, mijo." T�a laughed. "I'm not mad at you. I love it when you hug me." T�a's heart was full of joy at the huge smile her remark put on Tom's face.

Eileen came in. "Table's all set in the day room. Why don't you give me that box and bag and I'll put this out in there."

T�a handed her the box and bag.

"T�a. I didn't learn how to skate good yet. You can teach me," Tom said happily.

"I'd love to. I've been looking forward to this for a very long time," T�a admitted.

Tom turned to Frank and Steve. "You were right! I'm glad I didn't become a good skater before T�a got here."

Frank rumpled Tom's hair. They headed for the day room.

T�a saw Tom was having a little trouble maneuvering the whole slice of pizza. He still had some hand tremors. T�a didn't want a repeat of the pancake incident. "Tom, you know what I really like?" T�a asked. He looked into her eyes and shook his head. "I like to pretend I'm at a party eating hors d�oeuvres."

"What's hors d�oeuvres?" A wide-eyed Tom asked.

"They are very small portions of food that people usually eat with their fingers."

"No, T�a! You hate it when Todd eats with his fingers."

"I used to, Tom. Not anymore. I actually miss eating with Todd and watching him eat. I miss eating with you, too." T�a made sure to add.

"You really like to eat with your fingers?" Tom still sounded unsure.

"Watch," T�a said as she took a plastic knife and cut off a small section of one slice and popped it into her mouth.

Tom continued to stare at her. She could see he was still confused and afraid of upsetting her.

T�a put her arm around Tom's shoulders. "Would you like to know what I liked to pretend when I was about your age?"

Tom looked into T�a's eyes and nodded eagerly.

"I used to like to pretend that I was at a fancy ball. Like the kind in Cinderella."

"My mom likes that story. It's a girl's story. My mom used to read it to Baby Girl, but I'd listen. I know it real good."

"Who's Baby Girl?" Frank asked, keeping his voice casual.

Tom bit his bottom lip. He didn't know if he should say anymore. He hated that he was always talking out of turn. 'Pete's right. I have a big yap,' Tom thought to himself.

"Tom, it's all right to tell us about Baby Girl. You won't get into any trouble," Steve assured him.

Tom listened for a few seconds. He didn't hear anyone yelling at him to keep his mouth shut. "She used to live with us. I haven't seen her in a real long time. She was a real little girl, littler than Timmy. She liked to sit on our mom's lap and hear all those stories. Mom used to like to dress her in some old dresses she had. She liked to put ribbons in her hair. Mom said bought those things for her baby girl." Tom looked down. A tear slid down his cheek.

"Mijo, what is it? What's the matter? Did something make you sad?" T�a asked.

"One time our dad came home early and mom didn't have time to take the dress and ribbon off Baby Girl." Tom started to look frightened. "I don't want to talk about Baby Girl no more," Tom cried.

T�a gave Frank and Steve a pleading look that said, "please let him enjoy this day."

"It's all right, Tom. You don't have to talk or think about Baby Girl right now. Why don't you tell T�a about all the things the two of you can do after skating?" Frank suggested.

Tom turned to T�a. "You can stay with me all day?" He asked hopefully.

"All day mijo, as long as you want me to. I love spending time with you." Tom's big smile melted T�a's heart. "We had better get to that pizza before it gets too cold. Now, I was telling you how much I liked Cinderella. Do you know why?" T�a asked Tom.

Tom shook his head. His eyes never left T�a's.

"When I was little I used to pretend I was at a huge fancy ball. I would put my hair up and wear this little crown I made from construction paper." T�a hadn't thought about this in years.

"How come you look so sad, T�a? Did I do something bad?" Tom saw the sadness in T�a's eyes.

"Oh no, mijo." T�a smiled at Tom and stroked his head. "You didn't do anything. I was just remembering something. You see my mami left when I was just a little girl and my papi was so sad and angry that he gave away almost all of my mami's things. He did keep a few things." T�a fingered the necklace she wore around her neck. She showed it to Tom. "This belonged to my mother."

"It's pretty!" Tom exclaimed. "My mom's gonna come back someday. Maybe your mom will, too." Tom spoke hopefully.

T�a knew he believed that. She didn't say both their moms had died. Instead she asked. "Do you know that Todd once jumped in the river to save this for me when it fell in?"

Tom's eyes got wide. "Todd jumped in the river!"

"Yes, he did. Wasn't that brave of him?" T�a asked.

Tom nodded. "Todd don't like being in the water a lot of times. Was he scared?"

"If he was, he didn't show it. He knew how much this meant to me. So if he was scared, he put my feelings above his own."

"That's cause Todd love's you a whole bunch. I used to hear him think that all the time. He didn't think you could really love him back 'cause he was so bad and not good enough for you." Tom was quiet for a moment. "You don't think I'm too bad and not good enough to love too, do you?" Tom asked anxiously.

T�a smiled and hugged him to her. She rubbed his back. "No mijo. I love you very much. I think you're a very good boy and I never thought Todd was not good enough or bad." I love both of you very, very much.

Tom hugged T�a back, however his eyes took on a haunted look. "You really love me even if you don't beat me?"

T�a had hoped he had come to realize that he didn't have to be hurt to feel love.

"Tom, listen to me. Hurting someone is not the way to show them that you love them. This is what loving someone makes you want to do." T�a hugged Tom again. She held him pressed against her as tightly as she could without hurting him. "And this," T�a added. She stroked his hair and kissed him on the forehead.

"I like the way you love me, T�a. It doesn't hurt. You can still beat me if you want, so I'll learn to be a good boy, but I like this better."

"Mijo, you are a good boy." T�a never tired of repeating it. "You are such a good boy already and I love you with all my heart."

The gleam came back into Tom's eyes. He let go of T�a and ran to Frank. "T�a thinks I'm a good boy and she loves me." Tom was once again beaming. He made the rounds, running to all the staff members in the day room. He repeated it for each of them. They were all so happy that he finally seemed to believe it.

T�a walked over to Tom. "Tom, will you do something for me?"

Tom nodded once again.

"If you ever get a chance to talk to Todd, will you tell him I never thought he was bad and I love him very much, too?"

Tom nodded in agreement. "I don't like it when Todd is all sad. I'll bet he'll get really happy when I tell him that."

T�a had taken a chance on Tom's good and generous nature. She had hoped he would not be jealous of her love for Todd. She knew she was right. Tom wanted to see Todd happy. He didn't mind T�a loving Todd too or any of the other alters. No, Kevin seemed to be the only one Tom had a problem with. Still, T�a knew Tom wanted to be special to her. She put her arm around his shoulder. "But you, mijo, are the only one I want to go skating with and play Cinderella with."

"Just me!" Tom exclaimed. He looked as if he were going to burst with happiness.

"Just you," T�a repeated as she cupped his left cheek in her hand and kissed him on the right one.

"How do we play Cinderella?" Tom asked excitedly.

"Well, as I started to say. My dad gave away most of my mami's things. When he wasn't looking, I took this beautiful nightgown, that had belonged to my mami, out of the bag that he packed her things in."

T�a remembered her father bringing these shopping bags, that people had thrown away, up from the basement. Bloomingdale�s, Saks, Bonwit's, Lord and Taylor, Bergdof's. The bags came from all the expensive department stores tenants in the building where her father was the janitor shopped at. T�a's used to sit on her mother's lap. Her mother would tell her how someday, when she was rich and famous, she would take T�a to all these stores and they would be able to buy anything they wanted. As young as T�a was she sensed her mom's shame at being the janitor's wife. She used to see the pain and embarrassment in her mother's face when a tenant would ask her to clean up a mess or yell at her about a problem in their apartment. They had assumed, as the janitor's wife, she too was there to do jobs they thought were beneath them to do for themselves. When T�a saw her mom's bargain basement clothes and other personal items in those bags her chin began to quiver and tears slid down her chubby little girl cheeks. Even then, she saw the incongruity of her mom's things in bags from expensive stores. However, to T�a, her mom's things were worth more than every item in every store put together.

T�a continued. "It was white and felt like silk and I would put it over my clothes and use one of my papi's neckties as a sash around my waist to keep it from dragging on the floor. I pretended it was my ball gown. Now here comes the part about the hors d�oeuvres. I used to cut up food into little pieces and put them on a plate and pretend the plate was a silver tray. Then I would pretend I was eating at a ball every bit as fancy as the one Cinderella went to and then I'd pretend I was dancing with a handsome prince."

T�a had Tom's undivided attention as she finished her story. He listened in wonderment. "Tom, would you like to pretend we are at a fancy ball?"

"Yeah!" Tom answered enthusiastically. Then he remembered. "But T�a, we don't have any clothes to play dress up with."

"That's okay mijo. We can pretend. We do however have food we can cut up into hors d�oeuvres and eat with our fingers."

"Okay! Can I help you cut it up?" Tom was very excited.

T�a looked at the staff. They were very impressed at the round about way T�a got Tom not to feel bad about eating with his fingers. They nodded. Terry got another plastic knife for Tom. The staff moved closer as he and T�a began cutting several slices of pizza into small bite size pieces. They were confident he would stay safe with it. He was giving them no indication of wanting to hurt himself. Once it was done, they collected the knives. They also took the small pieces to warm them up a bit.

"T�a! Can we make crowns before the food comes back?" Tom pleaded.

T�a knew Tom wasn't allowed to use scissors. "I love to do the cutting. Is it all right if I do that part and you can decorate them and tape them together?"

To her relief Tom agreed, not realizing she wanted to spare him being told he couldn't use the scissors.

Frank went to get the supplies they needed. It did all their hearts good to see Tom smile, giggle and laugh as he and T�a made their crowns. She made a red one for herself and Tom chose blue paper. He carefully and methodically laid out the silver and gold stars, wildflower stickers, and glitter pen he wanted to decorate T�a's crown with and the Star Wars and Lion King stickers he wanted to use to decorate his own. Tom worked slowly and carefully. After twenty minutes the crowns were done. He held T�a's up to her and smiled proudly.

"Mijo! That's beautiful! That the most beautiful crown I've ever seen. It's much prettier than the ones I had when I was little."

Tom's smile reached from ear to ear. "Put it on, T�a!" Tom jumped up and down excitedly.

T�a took it and was about to place it on her head when Tom shouted, "Wait! You have to put your hair up. You said you always put your hair up." Apparently Tom had taken in every word of T�a's story.

"Tom, I'm afraid I don't have a hairclip to hold my hair up." T�a knew how important doing everything to perfection was to Tom. She saw he was getting upset.

"No, T�a! Your hair has to be up. You said you liked to play pretend dress up with your hair up." Tears were already forming in Tom's eyes.

"Here, T�a," Janet called out as she took a clip that had been holding her own hair up and handed it to T�a.

"Thank you," T�a mouthed.

Janet nodded. No one wanted to spoil this day for Tom.

T�a put her hair up and placed the paper crown on her head. "T�a, you look just like a beautiful fairy princess," Tom stated. T�a could see the love and admiration in Tom's eyes. She felt beautiful. She then picked up Tom's crown. After admiring it and letting him know what a great job he did on that one too, she placed it on his head. T�a curtseyed. "Shall we have our pizza, your majesty?" she asked.

Tom giggled and copied T�a's movements. "Here, mijo. Boys do it like this." T�a placed Tom's hand around his waste and gently pushed his back down into a small bow.

Steve came back in with the warmed pizza. He shook the chocolate milk shakes T�a had brought and poured them in plastic cups. Tom had no trouble at all with the small pieces. He stared into T�a's eyes as he ate the first few. She could tell he was looking for any sign of disapproval at the sight of him eating with his fingers. After a while he relaxed and they enjoyed their breakfast, that by now was more of a brunch. Tom happily chattered about skating, Star Wars, puzzles and other happy topics that popped into his mind. When they were finished, T�a gently wiped his mouth and hands with a damp washcloth that Frank brought her.

"There's my handsome Tom," T�a declared as she placed his hair behind his ears.

Suddenly Tom started to look sad. His chin began to quiver. She saw tears were on their way.

"Mijo, what's wrong?" T�a asked in concern.

"I don't know how to dance."

"Dance?" T�a inquired.

"You said you pretended to dance. We're supposed to dance!" Tom insisted.

T�a smiled. "Would you like me to show you how to dance?" Tom looked even sadder and some tears fell. T�a lifted Tom's face by the chin. "What, mijo? Tell me. Why are you crying?"

"'Cause I'm real clumsy and I won't be able to dance good."

T�a hugged him close to her. "You are not clumsy. I promise you. You are not clumsy. Come, let me show you how to dance." T�a rubbed Tom's back.

Tom lifted his tear stained face from T�a's shoulder. "I'm really not clumsy?"

"No, mijo, not at all." T�a replied and wiped the tears off Tom's face with her fingers and smiled at him. She took his hands and positioned them correctly on her body. "Now you follow what I do," T�a instructed.

The staff moved some of the chairs and the table out of the way.

Tom copied T�a's steps. She moved slowly. At first Tom moved awkwardly. Despite this, T�a praised his every step. Soon he forgot his awkwardness and insecurity and was dancing along easily with T�a.

"T�a, am I really dancing?" Tom asked excitedly.

"Yes, mijo. You are really dancing and you are doing it beautifully," T�a confirmed.

"Frank! Look I'm dancing good. Steve, Terry, Janet, look! I'm dancing good!" Tom called out as he and T�a continued to dance.

The staff's smiles were as big as Tom's and T�a's. "You're doing great, buddy," Frank called out.

"Tom, you're a wonderful dancer," Janet added.

"You smell real good, T�a," Tom declared. "My mom used to smell real good, too. Unless she was drinking that booze stuff."

"Your mom loved you a lot, Tom. I hope you know that," T�a stated.

"I loved my mom a whole lot. I love you a whole lot, too. Please don't ever go away forever, T�a," Tom begged.

"Don't worry, mijo. I'll never leave you. I know that's hard to believe when you've been left by someone who said they loved you and promised to take care of you."

"Did your mom say she loved you and promise to take care of you?" Tom asked, sadly.

T�a nodded. Tears formed in her brown eyes. "She did," T�a admitted.

"I'm sorry you got left too, T�a. I'll never leave you either." T�a saw great sadness in Tom's eyes.

"I know you won't," T�a confirmed. She hugged Tom a little tighter. "Prince Tom, you are a marvelous dancer," T�a complimented. Tom giggled. T�a began to hum "Once Upon A Dream," from the Disney version of the animated Cinderella movie she remembered as a child. She and Tom continued to glide across the day room floor.

Susannah, with Tom's Rollerblades in her hands, headed for the day room.

"Doctor Hanen!" Dorian called out as Susannah passed by. "I've been waiting for Viki for over ninety minutes. Have you heard from her?"

"The last I heard she was in the cafeteria having breakfast with Kevin and Sam. If you have to leave, the staff can give her a message," Susannah responded.

"I'm sure Viki would prefer for me to wait. It's been a while since we've talked," Dorian declared.

"Viki should be back soon. Excuse me. Tom is waiting anxiously for these," Susannah stated.

"Doctor Hanen. Do you really think it's advisable for T�a to be spending so much time with Todd and Tom? Todd is so ill and Tom seems like a rather innocent child."

"T�a is not only Todd's wife, but she is very important in his treatment," Susannah stated firmly.

"Doctor Hanen, just how well do you know T�a Delgado?" Dorian inquired.

"T�a Manning," Susannah corrected. "And I know her quiet well. Mrs. Hayes I really do need to get these skates to Tom. Is there anything else?"

"No, I just want to make sure Todd is safe here. He is not only my nephew-in-law, he is also my stepson, you know," Dorian reminded Susannah.

"Yes, I do know. We take all the necessary precautions for Todd's safety," Susannah assured her. Always a straightforward person, it was difficult for Susannah to keep her annoyance at Dorian from showing.

Dorian and Susannah both turned, when out of the corner of their eyes they saw Viki, Sam and Kevin walking toward the lounge.

"I won't keep you any longer, Doctor Hanen. I know little Tom is anxiously awaiting those skates."

"I need to have a few words with Viki, Sam and Kevin before you speak with Viki," Susannah informed Dorian and left her standing there as she headed for Todd's family.

"Why is Dorian still here?" Sam asked.

"Still!" Viki commented. "How long has she been here?" Viki asked.

"Nearly two hours," Susannah replied.

"Two hours! What the hell is she up to?" Kevin spat out.

"I guess we'll find out soon enough," Viki remarked.

Susannah told Viki that Todd had an incredible session and T�a had been instrumental in the progress he had made. "I will fill you all in on the details later. I just wanted you to know that Todd did some amazing work today and he stayed Todd through most of it. I also want you to know that Tom is in excellent spirits."

Everyone was absolutely thrilled to hear that. Even Sam's mood was lifted by what Susannah had to say. He hoped Blair was wrong about T�a. Sam cared for her and he hated thinking those things about her.

"I'm going to bring Tom his skates. He and T�a should be finished with their breakfast by now. Why don't you wait out here. I know he wants to surprise you." Susannah suggested. Susannah then turned to Kevin. "I'm hoping Tom will want to have a session with you and talk about the feelings he has for you. If not, you may not be able to stay, Kevin. I'm sorry. You know he has to be ready. I don't want to force him."

"Susannah, don't you think the best way for Tom to get his feelings about Kevin out is for the two of them to talk?" Viki asked, hoping the answer was yes. She didn't want Tom and Kevin being at odds with each other.

"Yes, I do. But Tom has to be ready. If he's not, seeing Kevin here will most likely upset him," Susannah explained. Susannah saw this did not sit well with Viki. She stayed to talk to her to make sure she understood. Susannah knew she could not go into the specifics of Tom's feelings toward Kevin because she would not divulge what Kevin had told her in his session.

Dorian waited impatiently for them to finish. She wished she could hear what they were talking about in those hushed tones.

**********************************

Tom and T�a had finished their dance. "You dance divinely, sir," T�a kidded.

"What's divinely?" Tom asked.

"It means very, very good, mijo."

Tom looked around the day room. "Where's Nancy and Jeff? I want them to know I dance divinely," Tom stated. He was so up. They had never seen him this happy before.

"Nancy is probably at the nurses' station and Jeff is probably in the break room." Terry informed Tom.

"Can I go tell them? Pleeeeeease!" Tom pleaded.

"Sure. Come on. I'll take you," Frank offered. "They are going to be very pleased to know what a good time you're having today."

Tom turned to T�a. "Are you having a good time, too?"

"The best! Mijo. The best!" T�a meant every word.

"You come, too," Tom requested of T�a.

Frank, T�a and Tom headed for the nurses' station. Tom bounced, more than walked down the hall. He was so happy. He saw Nancy behind the nurses' station. "Look, Frank! Look T�a! There she is. I'm gonna go surprise her. Tom started to run toward the nurses' station. He suddenly stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Kevin standing there talking with Viki, Sam and Susannah.

The smile that had been on his face and the joy in his eyes vanished in a split second. Tears welled up in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks. Susannah quickly approached him. Frank hurried to where he stood. Nancy came out from behind the nurses' station and moved closer.

"Hi honey, what's going on with you? Hmmmm? Can you tell me what's making you cry?" Susannah prompted.

"Nothing!" Tom cried out.

Viki and Sam approached him. Kevin held back. "What is it, Boomer? You can tell me," Sam encouraged.

"You hit me, Coach! I want you to hit me!"

Sam was shocked. Tom had been so happy when he left.

"Boomer, I'll never hit you. I'll never let anyone ever hit you again." Sam swore.

'I'll never be as good as Kevin. They don't really care. They don't love me enough to make me a good boy and a man,' Tom thought.

Tom stared at the skates in Susannah's hand. Susannah smiled. "These are for you." Susannah held them out to him. "Would you like to try them on?"

Tom looked at them longingly. He took them from Susannah. He held them and spun the wheels around and felt the leather. Then he looked at Kevin. For a second they looked each other in the eye. Tom burst into tears. "I don't want any dumb ol' skates!" Tom threw the Rollerblades down on the floor. "Everything's spoiled! Nobody cares about me. Nobody wants to help me to become a man and a good boy. T�a lied to me! She doesn't really love me or think I'm a good boy or a divinely dancer," Tom cried out. Tom could not handle the feelings of anger and jealousy that washed over him.

"Mijo, no! Why do you think that? I wasn't lying to you. You are a good boy. You're a wonderful dancer. I love you very, very much! Please tell me why you suddenly think I'm lying to you?" T�a pleaded. She was panicking. She didn't know what had changed.

Tom began to punch himself in the face, hard. "I WANT YOU TO REALLY LOVE ME!" Tom screamed in T�a's direction. Frank pulled him into a hold. Susannah quickly assigned limbs. She, Nancy, Terry, Steve and Jeff, who came running from the break room when he heard Tom scream, assisted.

"NO! LET GO! SOMETIMES MY DAD WILL BE NICE TO ME AND LET ME HIT MYSELF, IF I DO IT HARD ENOUGH. IT MAKES HIM LAUGH. I LIKE MAKING HIM LAUGH INSTEAD OF MAKING HIM HATE ME. I JUST WANT TO LEARN HOW TO BE A GOOD BOY AND A REAL MAN! I WANT T�A TO LOVE ME. I WANT ALL OF YOU TO LOVE ME! YOU HIT ME! YOU BURN ME! FRANK, YOU HIT ME WITH YOUR BELT! " Tom shrieked.

"No hitting. No burning. No one is going to hurt you or make you hurt yourself. It's safe here. Safe is good. You don't show love to someone by hitting them," Susannah stated firmly.

"My dad couldn't love me! I did bad things. I made the weather bad. He would watch the weather at night and tell me if it rained tomorrow, when he wanted to play golf, I'd be in trouble 'cause it would be my fault 'cause . . . 'cause . . ." Tom gasped for breath. "'Cause nothing went right since the day he laid eyes on me. 'Cause I'm a curse to him. I made trouble for him at work. I made him have to come home after work instead of having a good time. I made my mom leave. Timmy cries for her all the time and it's my fault that she's gone. I don't take good care of him. He cries 'cause of me. I'm supposed to take care of Timmy. He's my 'sponsibility." Tom cried out, choking on his sobs. He stopped fighting the hold. Now, more than anger, his body was now filled with sorrow.

"Tom, none of that was your fault. You didn't do any of those things. Your dad was blaming you for things that you didn't do. He was angry and he wanted someone to blame for everything that went wrong in his life. It wasn't fair of him to blame you. You didn't do any of those things. Your dad couldn't love anyone. He couldn't even love himself. He didn't know how to love." Susannah stated.

Tom looked confused. He still didn't understand. Tom looked at T�a. "Please beat me. Maybe then you'll love me."

"How will T�a beating you help you?" Susannah asked.

"I'll know she loves me. She'll be doing it to help me like my dad did. He beat me 'cause he wanted to be able to love me." Tom barely got these words out through his tears.

Viki, Sam, Kevin and T�a were aghast. They were horrified at the way Peter had twisted Tom's perceptions. None, however, were more horrified than Dorian. She had never been witness to Todd or any of the alters having a meltdown. She stood quietly, leaning against the wall. She was pale. Her heart bled for this child and what he had been through. At the same time she was envisioning this happening at the penthouse, if Blair succeeded in getting him there.

"Shhhhh." Susannah spoke soothingly. "Yes, honey, he wanted to love you. But your dad didn't know how to show love. It's not by hurting someone. Tom, it's never okay for a parent to beat their child or hurt them in any way."

"It was okay. My dad wanted to help me!" Tom insisted.

"Tom, what your dad did is called abuse. That's not discipline. Discipline is showing a child right from wrong by explanations and by example. It's okay for a parent to make boundaries about behavior and to expect the child to respect them. Do you understand what that means?"

"No," Tom cried.

"That means the parent sets limits. They might tell their children that they can't stay out late, or they have to do their homework or they can't eat candy before dinner, things like that. They expect the child to respected these limits and behave appropriately. If he doesn't then he has to face the consequences. Those consequences should never, ever, be being hurt. It can be something like having your allowance taken away, or not being allowed to watch TV for a while, or having to take a timeout, but never, never, never being beaten or burned or abused in any way. It is never okay for a parent to abuse a child. Honey do you understand?" Susannah asked him gently.

Tom calmed even more. His breathing began to normalize. "Everything got spoiled so I must have done something bad," Tom theorized.

Now tell me what this is all about. How did things get spoiled? You were feeling happy today, weren't you?"

"Uh huh, " Tom whimpered.

"Tell me what happened to change that. Why are you so upset?"

"I just want to be good and I'm not good anymore and now everyone is mad at me," Tom was no longer struggling in their arms. They relaxed their hold on him even further. Susannah was now stoking his head instead of stabilizing it.

"I'm not mad at you, buddy," Frank assured him

"Neither am I," Terry declared.

"Not me either," Steve proclaimed.

"That's 'cause you don't know how bad my brain is. I think really bad stuff. I'm supposed to be good all the time. I don't wanna think bad stuff. If I'd say something bad or stupid my dad would say I'm gonna wipe that thought right out of your brain. I have to learn to be good all the time. Then no one will have to get hurt any more. Maybe not Timmy or Andy or Thomas or Todd or anyone! 'Til then I gotta get hurt so nobody else has to." Tom looked up at Frank with his swollen, red eyes. "Please, Frank! You beat me with your belt until I'm good all the time."

"No buddy, no one here is ever going to beat you." Frank stated firmly, yet gently.

"Tom, you're a little boy. It's not you're responsibility keep the others from being hurt. A little child can't stop a grown up from hurting someone," Susannah explained.

"It is my 'sponsibility! If I get hurt first, then maybe our dad won't go after them? If I get scared and go away to stay with Miss Perkins, then someone else has to get hurt." Tom's guilt was unrelenting.

"Why do you think you're the one who always has to be hurt?" Susannah asked.

"Because I'm the baddest one. Our dad hates me the most. Everybody hates me the most. I'm older than Timmy and Andy. I'm supposed to protect them. Andy got sent away. Timmy gets hurt and it's all my fault 'cause I'm not there to get hurt instead of them. It's my job," Tom sobbed.

"Honey, no. It's not always your job. I know Timmy and Andy are little, but they live with Todd because sometimes it's their job to come out. None of you should have been hurt. It was not okay for your dad to hurt any of you. The thing is, sometimes Todd needed Timmy or Andy or some of the others who live inside with you to come out. I know this is very difficult to understand and it's okay if you don't understand it all right now. We can talk about it over and over again, until you do understand it," Susannah promised.

"Tom, can you tell me what it's like when you're with Miss Perkins?" Terry asked.

"I love Miss Perkins. She's real nice to me. She tells me stories about when she was little and lived with her mom and dad. She also tells me some of the same stories my mom used to tell me. She lets me sit on her lap and she holds me. She tells me I'm a good boy and that she loves me very much. She smells like my mom when my mom don't drink the booze stuff. She stays with me when I go to sleep and I don't have to be afraid to be asleep when she's around. If I'm with her when there's yelling she covers my ears so I don't hear it anymore. If someone else is being hurt when I'm with her she holds me and squeezes me against her so I don't have to see it." Tom started to weep again. "Sometimes Miss Perkins starts to cry when Timmy is being hurt. She says 'oh my poor baby.' Miss Perkins will hate me 'cause I let Timmy get hurt."

"Did Miss Perkins tell you that it's your job to get hurt instead of Timmy?" Susannah pressed.

"No," Tom admitted after thinking for a few seconds. "She just asks me to play with Timmy and help her watch him when he's inside."

"You see, honey. Miss Perkins doesn't think you have to be the one to get hurt. She doesn't want any of you to get hurt. When she says Timmy is your responsibility, she only means to help her with him when he's inside with you. She doesn't mean that you have to be the one who takes all the pain." Susannah tried to get him to understand. He felt so guilty being somewhere safe and happy while one of the other children was being tortured.

"I'm always being bad and I'm suppose to be good. I'm suppose to be good all the time. Maybe nobody would get hurt if I was good all the time?" Tom placed all the blame on his seven-year-old shoulders.

"Who told you you're supposed to be good all the time?" Susannah pressed.

"Our dad said we're bad all the time. We're never good and that's why we have to be disciplined. It's my job! It's my job to get hurt so nobody else has to. I want to do my job! That's what I'm supposed to do. I get all mixed up when I can't do what I'm supposed to do! That's why Timmy likes to be with Kevin more then with me. I don't do my job no more." Tom was starting to ramble. "I'm never good enough and I get beat and burned anyway. Todd can't stand it when it hurts so I take it for him. My dad wants to teach us how to be good. He disciplines us. He says it's for our own good. He's gonna teach us how to be a real man. He says we make him do it. I wanna be a real man, too." Tom cried out loudly. Tears were streaming down his face again.

"Tell me how being beaten and burned helps you?" Susannah continued to prod.

"I don't know!" Tom was beginning to escalate again. They could feel his muscles tightening. They tightened their grip on him.

"Tom, I want you to take some deep breaths. You need to calm down," Susannah coaxed soothingly

"No! You won't help me make T�a love me again!" Tom cried out.

T�a wanted to rush to him and swear over and over again that she loved him. Her fingernails dug into her palms as she stopped herself. She knew Susannah and the staff needed to handle this.

"Tell us how we can make T�a love you?" Susannah pushed

"You discipline me until I'm a real man. Until I'm like Kevin!"

Kevin was shocked! His instincts were the same as T�a's. He too wanted to rush to Tom and set him straight. 'My God!' Kevin thought to himself. 'He thinks I'm an example of what a man should be?'

"Tell us how being hurt will make you more like Kevin?" Susannah asked.

"I already know how to take it and not cry or move. I still don't know how to be a man. Timmy and T�a like to do things with Kevin better than me. I'm stupid and clumsy and weak and a wimp and I act like a little girl and not a real man. So T�a loves Kevin more than me. That's why Kevin's T�a's boyfriend now! That's why Kevin's here! T�a's gonna go skating with him instead of me! Viki and T�a love Kevin best because he's smart and he can tell time and he knows how to be good and be a real man. Maybe his dad taught him when Viki was sleeping. That's when dad's discipline you the most."

Dorian was taking all this in.

"Tell me what being a real man means?" Susannah prompted.

Tom was quiet for few moments. He looked up at Susannah. His lower lip and chin were trembling. "I don't know," he confessed.

"What kind of things does a real man do?" Susannah tried to help him get his thoughts together.

"They don't cry like little girls. Not even when they're being disciplined. They don't like to be with their moms more than their dads. They don't like to be held by their moms. They don't cry and pull away when their dads kill birds and cats and squirrels or cut them or hang them and hurt them and try to make them do it, too. They don't like to draw or paint. They're good at sports and not clumsy. All kinds of stuff. I don't know!" Tom cried out in frustration.

Susannah knew she had to get Tom to talk about the torture, mutilation, and murder of animals he was exposed to and forced to participate in. However, this was not the time. Right now the issue was getting Tom to understand he didn't have to be abused or self-abuse for people to love him and to help Tom with his feelings about Kevin.

"Tom, your dad was wrong. None of those things make someone a man. It's never okay to hurt animals. You could never live up to your dad's standards because he was asking you to do things that were not okay. You're dad set unfair standards and then punished you if you didn't live up to them."

"No, my dad was trying to help us!" Tom insisted.

"Honey, your dad didn't understand what made someone good or a man. He couldn't help you because he didn't understand it himself. Your dad had problems with the way he thought."

"Did he get mixed up a lot, too? Maybe Grandpa Ed tried to wipe the bad and mixed up thoughts out of my dad's brain when he was little?" Tom proposed.

"Maybe he did, buddy," Frank agreed.

"So if you won't beat me, or burn me, or let me hurt myself, how am I ever gonna get to be like Kevin and make T�a love me and want to do stuff with just me?" Tom started to cry again.

Every instinct within Kevin told him he had to be the one to help Tom understand this. Kevin was anxious. He felt perspiration break out on his forehead and under his arms. He started to head over to where Tom was now cuddled in Frank's arms. Sam reached out and tried to stop him. "Sam, please! Let me try. If I upset him even more, I'll leave him alone." Kevin pulled away from Sam's grasp. Sam let him go. He was desperate to try anything to help Tom.

Kevin walked over to Susannah. "Can I try?"

"Honey, do you want to talk with Kevin?" Susannah gave Tom the choice.

Tom looked up at Kevin. His eyes were desperate and haunted. There wasn't a trace of the happiness he'd felt earlier left in them. Tom clung tightly to Frank.

"It's okay, buddy. I'll be right here with you." Frank assured him.

Tom nodded in agreement.

Kevin knelt down in front of Tom and Frank. "Thanks for being brave enough to talk to me," Kevin began.

"You don't have to say that. I'm not brave! I'm a chicken. Pete always tells me I'm a chicken and a wimp," Tom confessed shamefully.

"I'm not just saying that. You are brave. I wanted to come over and talk to you before, but I was afraid." Now it was Kevin's turn to confess.

Tom stared up at him. "You were afraid of me? How come?" he sounded confused and disbelieving.

"Because I think you're angry with me and you think I'm doing things to hurt you and Todd and you think that T�a loves me." Kevin was straightforward and honest.

Tom started to tremble. Kevin and Frank noticed his pupils dilate with fear. Tom held onto Frank so tightly that his fingers dug into Frank's arm. Frank tightened his own grip around Tom. Tom was terrified that Kevin knew he felt anger and jealousy.

"Are you gonna punish me?" Tom looked fearfully at Kevin.

"No. Never, Tom. It's okay to feel those things. I've felt that way about people lots of times," Kevin volunteered.

Tom's eyes grew wide. "You have!"

"I sure have," Kevin admitted.

"Did your dad punish you for not being good?" Tom asked timidly.

"No, my dad wanted me to feel okay about whatever I was feeling. Whenever I felt those things, we would talk about it," Kevin explained.

"Your dad would talk to you?" Tom asked wistfully.

"Yeah, he did. Tom, I was lucky. I had a really good dad. Not all little boys get a good dad. Some dads don't deserve the good little boys or girls they get. They don't appreciate them."

"I wasn't good enough for my dad to talk to me," Tom looked down in shame as he said this.
"Tom, that's not true. Not at all. Do you know that I have a son who's a little older than you are?"

Tom's eyes grew even wider as he shook his head.

"I do. His name is Duke. He lives with his mom in a place that's far away from here."

"He gets to live with just his mom?" Tom couldn't fathom this.

"Yes," Kevin answered simply. He felt a lump in his throat and he didn't want to lose control.

"Don't you love him?" Tom asked.

"I love him very much and I miss him very much," Kevin voice broke as he said the latter.

"Then how come you didn't keep him?" Tom wanted to know.
"Duke's mom and I decided that it would be best if he lived with her. She's a good mom," Kevin got control of himself and stated.

"My mom is a real good mom. She's the best mom, but we were bad so she left. My dad stayed and tried to make us good. I guess he loved us more." Tom's reasoning was typical of a young child's.

"Tom, do you know if my son Duke were like you, I would be very happy and very proud. I wouldn't want to change a thing about him if he were like you."

"No! If he was like me you'd have to punish him and teach him to be good and teach him how to be a man and wipe bad stuff out of his brain." Tom couldn't believe Kevin said that.

"No. Tom, I like you just the way you are. I've wanted to be friends with you for a long time now because I like you so much. I'm sorry if I did things that made you not like me." Kevin apologized.

Tom tightened his grip on Frank again. He looked down at Kevin's waist. "You can hit me with your belt if you want. I can take it. Please don't hurt Timmy! It's not his job to get hit. You hurt me!"

Kevin was shocked at the very idea of hurting either boy. "Tom, I would never, in a million years, hurt Timmy or you. I know I've done things that hurt you, but it wasn't intentional. I want you to know I'm sorry. I care very much about both of you and all the others who live inside Todd."

"You're always mean to Todd. I remember him and you used to fight sometimes." Tom covered his ears. "I don't like it when anyone fights." Tom turned around and buried his face in Frank's broad chest.

Frank placed his hands on Tom's and gently lifted Tom's face. "Tom, look at me. Come on, buddy. Look at me." Tom's eyes came into focus and he looked directly into Frank's eyes. "Tom, no one is fighting. No one is angry. It's okay."

Tom looked around for a second. He then settled his gaze on Kevin again.

"Tom, it's all right to be angry with me. It's okay to get angry with people. It was okay for Todd to be angry with me. I was mean to Todd. He had a right to be angry with me."

"Todd gets angry a lot. Is everyone mean to him?"

"No, sometimes the people he got angry with weren't mean to him. I do think one of the reasons Todd does get angry so often is because his dad was very mean to him. If my dad had been that mean to me I'd be angry all the time, too."

"No! You're not allowed to be angry. You get punished harder if you get angry. You have to be a man and take it."

"No one should have to take being hurt. It's never okay for a dad or mom to hurt their child. It's okay to be angry with someone. What helps when you�re angry is to talk about it and tell the person you're angry with why you're angry with them."

Tom looked down and didn't say a word.

"I know it's a really hard thing to do. It's also hard to ask the person who's angry with you to talk with you about it. I know I was really nervous and scared about asking you to talk to me about why you're angry with me. Maybe we can help each other with how we're feeling?" Kevin proposed.

Tom stared into Kevin's eyes. "I like to help. I help Timmy all the time, but only when he's inside now," Tom added sadly.

"I know you do. Timmy talks about you all the time and he told me that you take such good care of him. Sam and Viki and Doctor Hanen also told me how you take such great care of Timmy. They are all so proud of you." Kevin smiled and praised him.

Tears formed in Tom's eyes and ran down his cheeks. "Timmy used to want me to be out with him all the time."

"He doesn't anymore?" Kevin pushed.

"No! He wants to be with you! He says you're his best friend. He talks about you all the time." Tom started to sob. He wasn't only upset about Timmy; he was upset by his own jealousy.

"Tom, I know Timmy loves me. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore. People can love more than one person at a time," Kevin tried, as Frank rubbed Tom's back.

"No, you can't!" Tom cried. "My dad said if I loved my mom then I didn't love him. My mom loves her new husband and she stopped loving me. Viki and T�a love you so they can't love me. Only Coach loves me."

Sam's heart melted. 'He believes I love him,' Sam thought gratefully. Sam started to head for Tom. Viki held onto his arm.

"Sam, don't. Please honey. Let Kevin and Tom work this out."

Sam hesitated for a second. He didn't trust Kevin. Yet, he didn't want Tom thinking someone didn�t like him and he was waiting to hear what Kevin had to say for himself as far as T�a was concerned. Sam hoped he would be able to tell if Kevin was lying or not. Sam no longer trusted his instincts. He was feeling a little better. Some of the fog had lifted ever since Tom had come out. Sam could not get enough of this boy's love. He prayed he'd get some time alone with Tom while he was out. As much as Sam wanted Tom all to himself he put Tom's well being first. As he had with T�a, Sam let Kevin have his time with Tom. He knew Tom needed to get his feelings out in the open.

Kevin swallowed hard. He glanced in Viki and T�a's direction. He didn't even think about Dorian standing there. "Tom, I know you are angry with me and feel jealous because of the way you think mom and T�a feel about me. Do you . . . ?"

Tom started to pound his fists into either side of his head. "Go away! Go away!" he cried out, cutting Kevin off. Tom couldn't handle Kevin, and now everyone, knowing he felt jealousy and anger. He felt shame and self-hatred wash over him. He wanted to wipe those thoughts from his brain the way Peter had threatened to.

Frank held Tom's hands down. "No hitting, Tom. No hurting yourself!"

The others were ready if it became necessary to physically restrain Tom again.

Tom didn't fight Frank. Instead he looked up at him with wounded eyes and begged, "Make them go away! They're bad thoughts. I'm not supposed to think bad things. I'm supposed to be good all the time. Make them go away!"

"Tell me the thoughts you want to go away?" Frank asked tenderly.

"The bad ones! The ones Kevin and everybody know about now. T�a's gonna hate me. Viki and all of you are gonna hate me. I'm supposed to be good and I'm being bad. Miss Perkins is gonna be mad at me. I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do and she won't let me take care of Timmy anymore. Please Frank, wipe the bad out of my brain so it don't get mixed up."

"Tell me what the bad thoughts are," Frank pressed.

Tom's eyes darted around the room for a second. He felt so frightened and ashamed. Tom buried his face in Frank's chest again.

"Come on buddy, can you tell me what you're thinking that makes you so upset?" Frank pushed. He gently rubbed Tom's back as he continued to hold him.

Without lifting his face away from Frank's chest, Tom shook his head. He was too ashamed to say it out loud.

"Tom," Kevin began again. He wanted to hold and comfort this child as he had done Timmy and Adam. He knew Tom would not want that. "Tom," Kevin repeated. "Do you know how I know how you feel and what you're thinking?" Kevin didn't wait for an answer. He didn't even care that his mother and T�a were going to hear what he had to say. "Tom, I know because I thought you might be feeling the same way I feel. I feel a lot of anger and jealousy all the time and get so mad at myself for feeling that way that sometimes I hate myself."

Tom lifted his face from Frank's chest. He turned, but remained in Frank's strong arms as they both sat on the floor. "You get angry and jealous?" Tom looked into Kevin's eyes when he asked that.

Kevin noticed that Tom's eyes took on a much lighter shade than Todd's. Timmy's eyes always seemed almost brown and puppy like. Todd's usually remained hazel. Tom's wide, innocent eyes appeared to be green. Kevin could see tremendous pain in those eyes. "Yes. I get very angry and very jealous," Kevin confessed again.

"How come your dad didn't wipe it out of your brain. Did he give up on you?"

Kevin smiled. "I'll tell you. He wanted to give up on me sometimes. I did some really stupid things. But he never did."

Tom's eyes got even wider. "You were stupid?"

"I did stupid things. Some very stupid things. Tom, everyone does stupid things once in a while. Good dads and moms understand that."

Kevin could see that Tom was getting confused. Kevin once again felt self-conscious admitting this, especially in front of everyone. He didn't let that stop him. He continued. "Tom, what I started to say before is, do you know why I know how you feel?"

Tom shook his head.

"I know because I'm jealous of how mom and T�a feel about Todd." Kevin looked down in shame. "And sometimes how they feel about you and even how T�a feels about Rodd and some of the others who live inside Todd."

T�a stared at Kevin. She knew Kevin was getting dependent on her as a friend, but she had not given enough thought to him to realize it had gone this far. She was genuinely shocked.

Viki was just as shocked. Not in the same way T�a was. Viki was shocked because her son was feeling this way and she missed it. She knew Kevin had some jealousy and resentment over Todd. She thought he had gotten over most of that. She also could tell from the tone of her first-born son's voice and the look on his face that the anger and jealousy ran much deeper than she had realized. Viki's heart ached for her boy.

Sam's feelings were completely mixed. He felt confused and not sure what to think. He felt some admiration for Kevin because he had the courage to admit his true feelings in front of everyone. Sam was also furious with Kevin. 'He has so much and Todd has so little. How can be jealous of what love Todd has in his life? Is Blair right? Do Todd and the others have to be kept away from Kevin and possibly T�a? Could Viki have known about this all along?' Sam wondered to himself. Sam glanced in Viki's direction. He became frightened. He had always been able to read Viki like a book. Now he wasn't sure. He knew he saw sadness, but he expected more surprise. He didn't know if Viki felt sad because she realized Kevin felt this way or if she felt sad because he admitted it. Sam didn't realize it, but a few months ago he would have known that Viki would never have let it go if she had known Kevin had feelings for T�a. She would have confronted her son.

'So, Blair is right about Kevin and T�a,' Dorian smirked to herself.

"You're jealous of us?" Tom asked incredulously, emphasizing the word us.

Kevin nodded. "I'm working very hard on trying not be, but yes Tom, I am. I'm sorry." A tear slid from Kevin's eye.

"Are you T�a's boyfriend?" Tom asked straight out with the innocence of a seven-year-old.

"No!" Kevin answered emphatically. "Tom, just because we want someone to feel a certain way about us, it doesn't mean that they do. No matter how much I like T�a, she doesn't like me the same way. T�a is my friend, but she doesn't love me or . . ." Kevin was too ashamed to look in T�a's direction. He continued anyway. "T�a doesn't even especially like to spend any time with me. T�a only wants to spend time with you and Todd and those who live with you inside of Todd. I'm jealous because I wanted T�a to care about me the special way she cares about all of you." Kevin had never been a hundred percent sure he felt this way before. He had never allowed himself to be sure. Now, he was admitting it to himself as he admitted it to Tom and to everyone nearby.

Kevin was not finished. He had opened the floodgates. There was no turning back now. "I'm also jealous and angry because my mom loves you and Todd and everyone who lives with you so much. For a very long time I only had to share mom with Joey and Jess. Do you know who they are?" Kevin asked Tom.

Tom nodded. His eyes never left Kevin's.

"I love Joey and Jess so I didn't mind sharing mom and dad with them."

"But you don't love Todd or me or any of us so you get mad at sharing?" Tom was way ahead of him.

Kevin smiled. "You are very smart. You are not only way smarter than I was at your age. You're smarter than I am now."

Tom looked surprised and then confused. "I'm not smart. I'm real stupid. I get mixed up all the time. Andy can tell time and I can't. There's lots of stuff I don't know how to do and I'm real clumsy and can't throw or catch a ball good or run good or do anything good," Tom confessed shamefully.

"Tom, I know your dad told you those things. They're not true. He was being mean to you. Sometimes when someone tells us something over and over again, we start to believe it, even if it's not true," Kevin gently explained.

"But my dad was right. I'm no good at sports. I can't run fast or hit a ball good or ride a bike good like Thomas and Andy," Tom insisted.

"Tom, did you know that I promised Timmy I would help him learn to be a better baseball player?" Kevin inquired.

Tom nodded and said, "Timmy told me. He said someday he's gonna be a real good ball player. Maybe then our dad will be nicer to him," Tom added unselfishly. Kevin knew he must be wishing the same thing for himself.

"Tom, I guess I'm kind of a frustrated coach. I really like helping kids to learn to be good at sports. I know I'm not your favorite person, but do you think you could let me help you learn to play ball better?"

Kevin could see the surprise in Tom's eyes as Tom continued to look directly into Kevin's eyes. "You want to teach me, too?"

"I do. Very much," Kevin replied honestly.

"You can make me get down on the ground and eat the dirt if I drop the ball and hit my fingers with the bat if I miss it and hit my legs with the belt so I can learn to jump higher and make me run in place all night to teach me to run better if you want to. I can take it." Tom's lower lip began to quiver. "Please don't do it to Timmy or to Todd. Timmy's too little and Todd can't take it. It's my job to be disciplined for not being good at sports. I'm the one who's no good. Not Timmy and not Todd," Tom pleaded.

Kevin took a deep breath and tried to hold back the tears he felt sting his eyes. He was not the only one. No one's eyes were dry. Not even Dorian's.

Frank hugged Tom a little tighter.

Sam wanted to take him in his arms. He held back. He knew Viki wanted Tom to have a relationship with Kevin. Sam didn't know how he felt about all this. He still didn't trust Kevin. Yet he hoped Kevin's feelings for Tom were genuine. Sam wanted everyone to love "his kid."

Kevin took another deep breath and cleared his throat. "No one will ever be hurt or humiliated for not playing well. Not you or Timmy or Todd or anyone. Tom, it's not okay to do that to anyone. I'm sorry your dad did that to you. He shouldn't have," Kevin stated firmly.

Some tears trickled down Tom's cheeks. Kevin could see the fear and confusion in Tom's eyes.

"Sometimes my dad is dead and sometimes he's not. Timmy don't know about the times he's dead and Andy and Thomas don't know neither. Pete knows. He always says he's glad my dad is dead." Tom started to weep. "I don't like it when Pete says that. If my dad is dead all the time I'll never get to be good enough for him to like me."

"Tom, you're good enough right now. Any dad in the world would be proud to have you for a son. I would be very proud of my son if he grew up to be just like you." Kevin reached out to stroke Tom's head. Tom pulled back into Frank's arms. Kevin realized he still had a long way to go in forging a relationship with this child. "Tom, it's okay. I won't touch you if you don't want me to. It 's okay," Kevin assured him.

Tom looked down. "Do you beat your little boy?"

"No, I would never hurt my son in any way. I would never allow anyone to hurt him." Kevin answered calmly. He was trying not to let himself be shocked by the things Tom said.

Tom was confused. Kevin seemed to love his son, but he didn't want to discipline him. "Wouldn't you even do it for his own good?" Tom tried to make sense of this.

"No, hurting a child is never, ever for his own good. If I had my son here I would want to hug him and hold him and tell him how much I love him," Kevin admitted.

Tears spilled down Viki's cheeks when she heard her son say this.

"Timmy likes it when you hold him and hug him. He says you tuck him into bed and play the best games and that you know everything. You must be real smart. Smart enough for T�a to love." Tom stated this without any envy in his voice, only sadness. He looked down and away from Kevin.

Kevin knew he had to get through to this little boy. "Tom, look at me. Tom." Kevin called gently.

With his chin still nearly down to his chest, Tom looked up at Kevin. Kevin could see nothing but pain in those large eyes.

"Tom, I promise you. T�a does not love me. Most of the time she doesn't even like me. We both care about you and Todd and everyone who lives with you inside Todd. That is why we are always both here. Sometimes I get lonely and I like T�a's company and she puts up with me. T�a would always rather be with you than with me."

As Kevin said these words he dreaded having to look T�a or anyone in that room in the eye again. He hated himself for feeling the way he did and he hated the realization that every word he just said to Tom was true. He finally saw the situation as it was. He was running after T�a like a lovesick puppy. He had used T�a and thrown her away. Now that he was alone he realized his mistake. He knew it was too late. He knew it all along and he also knew that he'd never forgive himself if he did anything to hurt Todd or any of the alters. Still he had trouble controlling that selfish side of himself that he hated so much. The side that used people, especially women. 'Oh Grandpa Victor, I have your blood in me. Is that it? Is that what drives the part of me that's a miserable selfish bastard and a user?' Kevin thought to himself.

"Then how come T�a wants to skate with you instead of me?" Tom asked as he began to cry again.

"She doesn�t! T�a didn't know I would be here. I came here to see my mom. Then I heard you were out so I came here to see you. I didn't know you'd think I was here to skate with Tea."

"Honest?" Tom asked through his tears.

"Honest." Kevin replied.

"You wanted to see me?" Tom sounded disbelieving.

"Yes. Tom, I knew you didn't like me and I kind of knew why. I wanted to get things clear between us."

Viki and T�a were shocked that Kevin knew what had been bothering Tom all along and never said anything them. T�a, who had been feeling great compassion for Kevin, was now feeling angry with him. Viki was feeling some anger, too. She couldn't believe he would let Tom suffer when he knew what was causing that suffering.

Sam thought he remembered Susannah telling him that she discussed this with Kevin. He was not sure anymore. He was trying to remember. All he could feel was some relief that this was out in the open.

Susannah was very proud of Kevin. She knew how difficult this had been for him and how ashamed of himself he was feeling.

"You care if I liked you or not?" Tom asked.

"I care very much." Kevin responded truthfully.

"How come?" Tom asked.

"Because I like you. Because I'd like to love you the same way I do Timmy. I think you're a good and smart boy and very brave and talented." Kevin meant every word.

"Me! You think that stuff about me!" Tom was shocked.

Kevin smiled. "Tom, do you know what respect means?"

Tom shook his head.

Kevin tried to put it in a way Tom would understand. "It means to think very highly of someone." Kevin could see Tom still didn't comprehend. "It means that I think you are one terrific little boy." Kevin tried.

"I am?" Tom smiled a small smile.

"Yes you are!" Kevin laughed. "I wanted you to know I felt that way and that I'd like to be your friend."

Tom looked like he wanted to say yes. Then he looked sad again. "Do you still hate Todd? Are you gonna be mean to him and yell at him? I don't like yelling."

"No, I don't hate Todd. Not at all. I will try very hard not to be mean to him and no yelling. I promise."

"Do you love Todd?" Tom asked.

Kevin hesitated or a minute. Tom kept his eyes on him. "No, Tom. I don't love Todd. Not yet. Are you upset with me because I feel that way?" Kevin knew he had to be honest with Tom.

"That's okay. I don't think Todd loves you yet either. As long as you love Timmy, 'cause he loves you a lot."

"I love Timmy very much." Kevin hesitated for a second. "Would it be all right with you if I love you, too?"

Tom looked away.

"Tom, it's okay. You don't have to love me back. I know you hardly know me."

"You're not mad," Tom asked, admitting he didn't feel love for Kevin.

"No, I haven't given you any reason to love me yet. You've already given me lots of reasons to love you."

"Are you sure you're not T�a's boyfriend and she doesn't love you?" Tom asked once more for reassurance.

"I'm very sure." Kevin declared. Then asked Tom, "So, are we okay? You wanna be friends?"

With a slightly wider smile on his face, Tom nodded.

"You just tell someone when you want to play some catch with me. I think we can sneak in a game in the hallway," Kevin winked at Tom and stood up to leave.

"Do you miss being with your little boy?" Tom suddenly asked.

"Yes, I do. Very much." Kevin replied.

Tom could tell Kevin was sad. "You can stay and watch me and T�a and skate if you want to." Tom offered generously. His sweet, unselfish and forgiving nature won out.

"I'd love that. Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Not if you don't skate with us," Tom answered innocently.

Kevin laughed. "No, I'm happy to be part of the audience."

Tom suddenly remembered his earlier actions. Frank felt him trying to stand up. He saw that he was calm and would stay safe. He helped him up. Tom headed for Susannah. "I'm sorry I threw the skates down. Are you mad at me?"

"No, I understand. But throwing things is not okay. Maybe next time you can talk about what's upsetting you instead of throwing something, hmmmm?"

Tom looked frightened. "Are you going to punish me? It's okay. I can take it."

"No, you will never be punished here. No punishment. It's okay to get as angry as you want. I just want you to learn different ways of coping with your anger," Susannah explained.

"Do I still get to keep the skates?" Tom's chin quivered. Tears filled his eyes again.

"Yes, they're yours. You get to keep them," Susannah replied with a smile.

"Are they okay? Did I break them?" Tom now looked worried as a tear slid down each cheek.

"They're pretty tough. They didn't break." Susannah stroked his head.

Tom ran to T�a. "Kevin says you don't love him and that you love me."

T�a was still angry with Kevin. However, this wasn't the time to show it. "Mijo, it's very true. I love you so much . . ."

"Your heart sings?" Tom finished her thought with a question. He remembered what Viki once told him.

T�a smiled. She remembered that too. "Yes, mijo. My heart sings very loudly and so happy when I think of how much I love you." T�a stroked his cheek.

The light came back into Tom's eyes. For now, T�a had chased away the despair. "Can we skate now?" Tom asked eagerly.

"As soon as we get our skates on," T�a smiled. She headed to the nurses' station to collect her skates.

Tom ran to where Sam and Viki stood. "Me and T�a are gonna skate. It's okay for Kevin to watch. I told him he could," Tom didn't realize that everyone in the room had already heard.

Tom ran back to Susannah. "Can I put my skates on now?"

"You sure can. Come, you sit over here," Susannah pointed to a chair, "and I'll put them on you."

While Susannah was helping Tom get his new skates on Kevin headed over to Viki and Sam.

"You'd better mean every word you said to that child," Sam warned.

"I do, Sam. I swear it to you." Kevin knew Sam had a right to be angry and distrustful of him.

Kevin looked at his mother. He could see she was angry with him. "Mom . . ." Kevin began.

Viki held up her hand to stop him. "Not now, Kevin. We'll talk later, when we're alone."

Kevin nodded. 'I screwed up again,' he thought sadly.

"T�a, look!" Tom called over to T�a. She was sitting in a chair. She had just finished putting her skates on. Tom held out his legs in front of him. "Look! I have my new skates on!"

T�a held her legs out. "Me, too! So who's ready do have some fun?"

"Me! Me! T�a!" Tom answered seriously.

Tom started to stand up. "Honey, hold it." Susannah gently pushed him back to his seat. "Do you remember what we told you about safe skating?"

Tom thought for a second. "Oh yeah." He turned in Sam's direction and called out, "Coach! Are you still gonna hold me?"

"You bet I am, Boomer." Sam headed for him. It had been a long time since Viki saw a smile that big on Sam's face or so much life in his eyes.

"Frank!" Tom called out even though Frank was already on his way over.

"I'm here, buddy. I've been looking forward to this for a long time," Frank admitted truthfully.

The second both Sam and Frank were standing next to him Tom stood up. His feet went out from under him. Frank and Sam both steadied him.

"I guess I'm not a good skater yet," Tom stated woefully.

"Okay, my turn," T�a called out. Tom and the others turned in her direction. T�a, who knew how to skate quite well, stood up and deliberately fumbled on the Rollerblades. "Oh Tom, I guess I'm not a very good skater either. We'll just have to learn together."

Tom smiled. "Don't worry, T�a. I'll help you. I won't let you fall."

Not very gracefully, on purpose, T�a made her way over to Tom. "Are you ready mijo?"

Tom nodded eagerly.

Frank and Sam held Tom and T�a skated slightly in front of them. Tom was shaky at first. Then he quickly got the feel of the skates and found his balance. Sam and Frank were now only holding on to his arms lightly. They would even let go for a second or two.

"T�a! T�a! I'm skating. I'm skating! Look!"

T�a turned around slowly. She skated backwards for a few seconds as she watched Tom. T�a held out her hands to him. Tom grasped her hands in his. She continued to skate backward as Tom skated forward.

Tom's face was lit up like a Broadway marquee. They had never seen such a big smile on his face.

"Viki! Doctor Hanen! Jeff! Nancy! Kevin! Terry! Steve! Eileen! Janet! Look! Me and T�a are skating real good! Look! I'm not clumsy. I'm a good skater! Look!"

"Baby, you're a wonderful skater!" Viki called out.

"You're doing great buddy," Kevin called out to him.

Kevin realized he was completely happy for Tom. He was feeling no jealousy. He felt sad and alone, but not jealous of T�a's affection for Tom. He wondered if he'd feel the same way if it were Todd.

The rest of the staff called out their praise. Tom looked up at Sam. "I'm skating good. Right, Coach?"

"Boomer, you're a wonderful skater. I'm so proud of you." Sam looked at him lovingly.

"Frank, I'm skating good. Right?" Tom asked again.

"You're doing a terrific job, buddy. I can hardly keep up with you. I should have put some skates on myself."

Tom giggled. "Let's go faster, T�a!" Tom suggested as they turned the corner to another section of the hallway. Tom noticed Dorian standing there. Dorian had gone off to make some notes of what had transpired. "Look, Auntie Dorian! Me and T�a are skating real good."

Dorian smiled as they zoomed past her. "That's very nice, dear. You have a good time." Dorian called out after him. She shook her head. 'How is Blair ever going to be able to cope with all of this?' Dorian thought to herself.

"I want to just hold onto T�a. Can I? I'm a good skater now. Please!"

Sam and Frank exchanged looks. Tom did pick it up much faster than they had imagined he would. "Okay, you hold on to T�a's hand and we'll stand right in back of you," Frank suggested. He and Sam were still close by.

T�a held Tom's hand tightly. They both glided along effortlessly. T�a was having as much fun as Tom was. Up and down each section of the hallway they skated. Tom would wave every time they passed by Kevin, Viki, and the staff. Dorian had taken a seat in one of the lounge chairs. She greeted Tom with a closed mouth smile and a wave that reminded Viki of Queen Elizabeth waving from her carriage. Viki knew she'd have to deal with whatever Dorian's reason was for being there later. Right now she didn't give her a second thought. Viki was so happy to see her two guys, Sam and Tom, having such a good time. 'I knew all he needed was to be close to Todd or one of the children,' Viki assured herself. She was positive that Sam becoming Todd's co-guardian was the best thing for everyone. She was happy she was going to see the judge later that day.

"T�a! You're the best skater in the world." Tom complimented. "Coach," he called out.

"I'm right behind you, Boomer," Sam called back.

"T�a teached me to dance real good, too. Now I'm a good dancer and a good skater and Kevin's gonna teach me to be a good ball player. You'll be able to be real proud of me, Coach."

"I'm already real proud of you, Boomer," Sam called back to him.

T�a slowed down and turned to face Tom. She took both his hands again. She slowly maneuvered him around in a circle. Tom loved it. He started to laugh and giggle. "More, T�a! Do it again!"

T�a spun him around a little faster.

"More!" Tom called out.

T�a threw her head back and laughed. "I think we have a gold medal winner here," T�a joked.

"Is that good, T�a?" Tom called out.

"Very good, mijo," T�a called back.

"I love you, T�a! Today's the best day ever!"

"I love you right back, mijo. I love you with all my heart. You are everything to me." T�a declared as they glided down the hall and then spun around again, holding on tightly to each other's hands.

"T�a is your heart singing real loud?"

"Very loud, mijo. Very loud and very happy."

Tom and T�a stopped for a second. T�a still held his hands tightly. "It's the best day in the whole world, T�a! I'm gonna remember it forever and ever! It's in the happy part of my brain. I don't want nobody to ever wipe it out or nothing to spoil it." Tom declared jubilantly.

"What?" T�a felt him slip. Frank and Sam caught him just before he lost his footing.

"Todd?" T�a asked. She recognized the familiar "what?" as if he'd just been woken up from a dream.

"Delgado! Is it the same time as before . . . is . . . what's happening?" Todd felt his feet sliding out from under him. The men held him up and T�a held on to his hands tightly. "What's going on? Delgado, did I hurt you? WHAT'S GOING ON!" Todd shouted. He began to panic, causing him to lose his footing even more.

"Todd, no. No, you didn't hurt me. We were having a good time. Everything is all right. It's just a few hours later than the last time we spoke." T�a tried to stay calm.

"Todd, it's Frank. You are not going to fall. Sam and I are holding you. You are standing on Rollerblades. It's all right. Come sit down and we'll take them off." Frank assured Todd as he continued to hold on to him.

"What! Rollerbl . . . skates!" Todd pulled his hands away from T�a's. "What the hell am I doing on skates! What are you people doing to me! Sam!" Todd called out. Todd was disoriented. He couldn't tell what direction Frank's voice had come from.

"I'm right here, pal. I'm holding you. Don't be afraid." Sam gave Todd's arm a gentle squeeze as he held it.

"Let go! I don't want you to hold me. Let go!" Todd tried to pull his arm away from Sam's grasp once he determined which arm Sam was holding.

Sam looked like he had been slapped across the face. He couldn't hold back the tears that threatened to splash down his cheeks.

Frank took hold of both of Todd's arms. "Todd, it's Frank. I'm the only one holding you now. No one else will touch you if you stay calm and safe. I'd like to help you over to a chair and then take the skates off your feet. Can you stay calm?"

Todd nodded. He was starting to tremble.

"Do you know how to skate on inline skates?" Frank inquired.

Todd thought for a second, trying to remember. He remembered he did and nodded.

"Okay, you just try to keep your balance and I'll hold you and make sure you don't fall. We're going to go straight ahead for about ten feet and then make a left and go about two feet to the lounge and I'll sit you in a chair and take the skates off."

Todd felt numb. He felt like a fool. He was confused. He remembered being with T�a. He was terrified of what had transpired between his last memory and now. "I'm cold," Todd murmured more to himself than to Frank.

Terry brought Todd some hospital issue socks that had special soles that gripped the floor to prevent slipping. Todd and the alters were not allowed to wear shoes or sneakers. Not as long as they were on escape precautions and Pete was on escape and assault precautions. Terry also brought a blanket.

Frank gently eased Todd into a chair. "Todd, I'm going to take the skate and sock off of your right foot first." Frank loosened the skate and pulled it and the sock off. "Now I'm going to do the same with the left." Frank got that one off, too. Todd seemed stunned. He sat quietly with his arms wrapped tightly around himself. It was as if he were holding himself together. He continued to tremble. "Okaaaay. There we go. The skates are off, Todd. I'm going to put nice warm socks on your feet," Frank said soothingly.

"Todd, it's Terry. Here's a blanket, honey." Terry wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. Todd pulled the blanket tightly around himself.

Viki walked over to where Sam remained standing after Frank had led Todd to the chair. "Honey, please don't let what Todd said upset you. You know he's still reacting to the memories of the sexual abuse he remembered. Sam?" Viki called to him when he didn't respond.

"I'm all right. Leave me alone." Sam finally uttered.

Viki hesitated for a few seconds and then headed back to where Kevin stood.

Susannah motioned to Kevin and Dorian that they should stay quiet and not approach Todd or let him know they were there. She approached Todd. "It's Doctor Hanen, Todd. Everything's all right. One of your alters wanted to learn to skate. Nothing bad happened. You weren't hurt. No one was hurt."

"Where's Delgado?" Todd whispered.

"T�a's sitting on the other side of the room. Do you want to talk to her?"

Todd nodded.

T�a had not taken her eyes off of Todd since she sat down to take her skates off. Janet had brought T�a her shoes. She jumped up and headed for Todd the second Susannah motioned for her to come to where he sat.

"Todd, T�a's right here. I'm going to get up so T�a can sit next you and you both can talk." Susannah headed over to Frank and Jeff. They stood within arm's length of Todd and T�a.

"I'm here Todd," T�a announced softly.

"Delgado, are you sure I didn't hurt you?" Todd's voice trembled along with the rest of him.

"Yes, I'm very sure. You didn't hurt me at all." T�a responded tenderly. She wanted to take Todd into her arms and stop his trembling. He sat holding himself so tightly she didn't dare.

"You were with one of them, weren't you?"

"One of them?" T�a needed clarity. She didn't want to say the wrong thing.

"One of those people who run around in my head," Todd whispered. His trembling increased. He pulled the blanket even tighter.

T�a looked toward Susannah and the staff. Susannah indicated that she should go on.

"Todd, I was with Tom. He's seven years old and he's a very sweet and good little boy. I was having a good time with him."

Todd's face flushed with shame. "I acted like a seven year old around you?"

"Querido, you have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. I love Tom and I love spending time with him. You do nothing wrong or embarrassing when Tom comes out."

"Tom is my real name. I was named after my mom's father," Todd said out of the blue.

"I know. You loved your Grandpa Tom a lot." T�a stated.

Todd nodded. "He was nice to me and to my mom." Todd realized something. "I don't remember telling you about him. Did one of them tell you?"

"Yes. Todd, some of your alters loved your grandfather very much, too.

Todd cringed at the word alters. "It's not right Delgado."

"What's not right?" T�a asked.

"That you're with me when I can't remember. I hate that! They make a fool out of me."

"No, never! Todd, Tom is a loving, talented, and smart little boy. He never makes you look foolish."

"I promised they could see you. I wouldn't break a promise to a kid." Todd remembered agreeing to allow T�a to visit with the children Susannah told him about. Todd still could not think of them as a part of himself.

"I know you wouldn't, mi amor. I'm very happy that you said it was okay for me to visit with Tom and Timmy."

"I don't want to talk about them anymore." Todd proclaimed. He couldn't bear the thought of T�a being with him when he wasn't aware of it.

"That's okay. We don't have to." T�a assured him.

"Delgado, was it real?" Todd faced the direction of T�a's voice.

"Was what real?" Mi coraz�n

Todd bowed his head. He felt embarrassed that he brought it up.

"Todd, it's okay. Was what real?" T�a repeated.

"You said you didn't care about Kevin. You said you loved me and you'd never leave me," Todd whispered.

T�a smiled. She was so happy Todd retained the memories of their last encounter. "It's true, querido. I only love you. I will never leave you. You don't have to be afraid of that."

"It's because I'm crazy. You feel sorry for me," Todd stated. He once again bowed his head in shame.

"No! Todd, I'm here because I love spending time with you. I love being near you. When you wanted me to stay away I was the one I felt sorry for. I was lonely and miserable. All I wanted was to be back in your life. Do you have any idea how happy you made me when you said I could come see you?"

You held me." Todd's voice was almost inaudible.

"Yes, mi amor. I held you. Do you want me to hold you right now?"

Todd wanted that badly. He hated himself for wanting that. He felt ashamed. He shrugged.

T�a read his feelings. "Todd, I was hoping you'd say yes, because I really need for you to hold me right now."

"You need me?" Todd couldn't believe this.

"Mi Todd precioso. Usted es todo a mi. You are everything to me. I need you very much." T�a wanted to make sure he understood she was not asking for anything sexual. "Sometimes I miss you so much and I just want a hug from you to remind me that it's okay with you that I'm in your life." T�a waited few seconds. Todd didn't respond. "Would it be all right if I held you now?" T�a asked.

A tear trickled down Todd's cheek. He wanted to be in T�a's arms so much it hurt. He nodded.

T�a took him in her arms. Todd's muscles tightened at first. He held on to the blanket. "Querido, I love you. You make me so happy," T�a whispered in his ear.

Todd began to sob. He let the blanket fall away as he put his arms around T�a and held on for dear life. His head rested on her shoulder. "I hate this, Delgado. I hate not being able to remember being with you. I hate being confused and scared all the time. Oh God! I'm so crazy, Delgado. I'm never going to leave here or have a real life or be like real people. My head is all screwed up. I'm ruining your life. You're waiting around for someone who doesn't exist. I don't exist, Delgado. I'm not real. I'm just this messed up piece of garbage."

"No! Todd, you're very real. You're not messing up my life. You are my life. Without you I just exist. I know it must be horrible to not remember being with someone. I need you to know that even when you can't remember being with me you are still making me happy and still making me feel loved and special. Please don't ever shut me out of your life again. I can take anything, but I can't take that. I need you. I need you now. Just the way you are. You will get out of here. I promise! We'll do it together, mi coraz�n. We'll help each other, just the way we always did."

Todd desperately wanted to believe T�a. He suddenly became terrified because he also wanted to kiss her. Todd pulled away from her. T�a grabbed onto his hand as he did. "What? What happened? Todd? Please tell me. Did I say something to frighten you or hurt you. Querido, please! Don't pull away from me. Just tell me what I did."

He lifted T�a's hand. He stared into her eyes. T�a realized he had switched. He brought her hand to his lips and gently kissed the back of it.

"Ah, my beautiful T�a. It is so good to see you. It's been much too long."

T�a looked into his warm, loving eyes and smiled. She knew Rodd had come out.

TO BE CONTINUED

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