Susannah headed back to her office. She planned on calling Bill and asking him if he could come to be there to answer any questions Viki and Sam might have when she told them about Michelle's parents. She also wanted to know if Bill cared to join her for lunch at a deli near the hospital. Sam got his jacket, and checked to make sure his cell phone was on. "See ya in a little bit, Boomer," Sam told Todd as he kissed him good-bye. He and Viki headed for the diner. Just as the doors to the elevator Sam and Viki were on closed. Blair and Dorian got out of one of the other ones. Still trying to make up her mind what to do, she decided to come see Todd again. She also wanted Dorian to try to find out whatever medical information she could.

*************************************************************

Terry buzzed Blair and Dorian onto the unit, but took them aside to speak to them before allowing them to go see Todd.

"What do you mean he's dissociated? Doesn't having DID mean he's always dissociating?" Blair asked anxiously.

"Todd hasn't switched to another alter. He is in a trance state. No one else wanted to come out. They are all inside. He probably won't know you're with him, but you can still see him if you like. Just talk to him softly and let him know you care," Terry explained.

"Of course she cares. My niece loves him. He's the father of her child. Blair knows how to act around Todd."

"Mrs. Hayes, I didn't mean to offend Blair. I just wanted to make sure she knew what to expect when she went inside."

"Yes, of course," Dorian looked at the nurses ID tag, "Terry, I'm sorry. It's just that I wanted you to know that Blair cares deeply for Todd and she would never act in a way that would harm him. By the way, is Todd's sister around?"

"No, she and Mr. Rappaport went out for lunch and so did Doctor Hanen. Is there a problem?" Terry asked.

"No, not at all. I just thought I would let Viki know I am here for her if she needs me," Dorian answered, smiling sweetly.

"Do you see the way they treat you around here? I'm sure no one asks Viki if she knows how to behave around Todd," Dorian whispered to Blair.

"And I'm sure they don't ask Ms. Delgado, either," Blair added, anger flashing in her eyes.

They headed into Todd's room. Todd was still as he had been; in the easy chair, knees pulled to his chest, staring blankly. Todd gave no indication of awareness when Blair and Dorian walked into the room. Frank was sitting in a chair close by.

"Hello Frank. How is he doing?" Blair asked.

"He's doing fine. Aren't you, Buddy?" Frank answered and patted Todd's knee.

"Has he spoken at all?" Dorian asked.

"Did anyone explain to you that Todd has dissociated? He has completely withdrawn from reality," Frank asked and then explained.

"Yes, Terry did. We were just wondering if he showed any signs of coming out of it," Dorian stated.

"Frank, what happened. Why is he like this?" Blair asked.

"I think it would be best if Doctor Hanen explained it to you. I can tell you that Todd has been having some memories come back to him and he is a little overwhelmed by them and he needed to go inside for while. He'll be all right. He just needs a respite from himself."

"Was he alone when he became like this?" Blair inquired.

"Todd is never left completely alone, but no, Doctor Hanen and Mrs. Carpenter and Mr. Rappaport were with him, oh and Mrs...." Frank felt awkward, referring to current Mrs. Manning in the presence of the former one. "Ah, Todd's wife was with him."

Blair wanted to scream, "I knew it. I knew that bitch had to have somehow caused this to happen," but she controlled herself in front of Frank. "Do you think it's possible that we can visit alone with Todd?" Blair asked.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Manning. I have to be near Todd at all times."

"Surly you can see that he's not about to hurt himself, or us. My niece just want a little privacy with her child's father."

"I'm sorry Mrs. Hayes. I have to stay close. Todd or an alter can come back at any time. It is for his own safety. I can go sit over there," Frank pointed to a chair in the corner, "so you both can have some space."

"Thank you, Frank, I appreciate that," Blair commented.

Dorian sat down in a chair opposite from Todd, and Blair sat in the chair Frank vacated. "Hello, Todd. It's Dorian. You are looking better than the last time I saw you."

"Yes, baby, you do look better," Blair stroked his hair. "I've missed you." Blair stood up and knelt down so that she could whisper to Todd. "Did T�a hurt you? Is that why you want to stay inside? Blair is here now. It's safe to come out." She looked into his eyes, hoping for even the smallest response. There was none.

Dorian, motioned for Blair to come closer to her. "Why don't I head outside and see if I can find out anything?" Dorian whispered, then added, "Before the troops come back from lunch."

"See if you can find out what they did to him to cause him to become like this." Blair instructed.

"I'll see you before I leave, Todd. I'm just going to stretch my legs," Dorian said loudly enough for Frank to hear.

"Todd, Starr got an 'A' in spelling. She certainly didn't get that from us. Neither of us can spell worth a damn." Blair hugged him to her. "Oh, come on baby. I'm talking about our little girl. Don't you have any questions? She misses you so much, Todd. I told her I was coming to see you today and she made me promise to give you a big kiss from her." Blair kissed Todd on the cheek. Then she held him by the shoulders and whispered to him. "Todd, I want to take you out of here. I want you to come live with me and Starr. Is that what you want? Would you like that?" Todd's eyes and expression stayed blank.

"Baby, listen to me. I don't know what to do. I want to do what's right for you. I want to help you. I need to know if you want to come home to us. I know how much you hate being in the hospital. I know you don't want to be drugged and tied down. I hate to see them treat you like that. If you were living at home with Starr and me, you would still have the best doctors and nurses and as many people as you needed to help you, but they would have to listen to me, or you, if you are able. I wouldn't let them treat you like an animal." Blair glanced in Frank's direction. He had busied himself with a newspaper, so as not to be intrusive.

Blair put her hand on Todd's chest, and once again started to whisper to him. "I would have everything at home to keep your heart well and keep you healthy. You wouldn't need this nasty ol' feeding tube. I'll bet once you got home you would want all your favorites. Oh, and those special cookies you and Starr like to have at your tea parties." Blair stopped talking. She realized that, in all likelihood, it was Timmy or Tom or one of the alters who shared tea parties with Starr.

Terry was at the nurses station writing in Todd's chart. Nancy, a tech, was talking on the phone, ordering some cereal and pudding to be sent to Todd's room. Dorian stood near where Terry sat and tried to read Todd's chart, upside down. Terry looked up.

"Mrs. Hayes, is there something I can do for you?"

"Yes, actually, Todd felt a little warm and he looks a little paler than usual, would you mind doing vitals on him? Just to set Blair's mind at ease."

"His vitals were done about an hour ago and he was fine, but I will do them again, no problem." Terry closed the chart and put it in the rack. She then headed off to check on Todd.

Dorian stepped behind the nurses station. "Excuse me!" Dorian got Nancy's attention. "My cell phone is dead. I was wondering if I could use this phone to make a very important call." Dorian pointed to a phone that was inches from the chart rack.

"Yes, of course, just dial nine first," Nancy politely replied.

"Oh my, I forgot to tell Terry that Todd was shivering. I think he needs another blanket. Would you be a dear and bring him one?" Dorian asked Nancy.

"Sure I will," Nancy answered, and headed off the linen cart.

Dorian quickly pulled Todd's chart. She turned to the section that contained his lab reports. She saw how much he had deteriorated from the time he was admitted to the latest labs. She turned to his progress notes. They were carefully documented and showed little progress, until the most recent entries. She saw that Timmy had recently had a neurological workup and was found to have deficits in his motor and cognitive skills. She noted how low Todd's electrolytes had dropped at one point, and how dangerously high they had risen at another. She was shocked to see how perilously close Todd had come to death on two occasions. She made a mental note of how much weight Todd had lost. She also noted how many restraint orders had been filled out and the endless orders for sedation, in addition to the increasing doses of Zyprexa and the countless times his antidepressant had been changed and adjusted.

"Well, you just can't seem to get it right, can you Doctor Hanen?" Dorian thought to herself.

"Excuse me! You are not allowed back here or access to a patients chart!" Dorian jumped and nearly dropped Todd's chart.

"I don't believe we've met," Dorian said, and closed the chart.

"My name is Jeff. I'm a psych tech assigned to Todd Manning. Does Terry know you are here?"

"Yes, of course. Todd is my nephew. I am a physician. I was just checking to see how he has been progressing. I use to work at this hospital."

"Did you get permission from Doctor Hanen to look at Todd's chart?"

"Doctor Hanen is out to lunch. I'm sure it wouldn't have been a problem. My niece, Todd's wife, is in with him and she has been very concerned. I just wanted to put her mind at ease."

"Mrs. Manning had a meeting with Doctor Hanen just this morning. She was told how Todd was doing."

"I'm sorry, I should have said, ex-wife. It's just that there is still so much love between my niece, Blair, and Todd that I sometimes forget they are no longer married."

"I'm going to have to discuss this with Doctor Hanen and write up a report on it. Mr. Manning's rights were violated by you seeing his chart."

Terry came out. "What's the problem here?"

"It's nothing, I was just looking at my nephew's chart. I wanted to put Blair's mind at ease."

"Mrs. Hayes, I think you know better than to look at a patient's chart."

"Yes, normally, but Todd is my family and I am a doctor."

"Then you certainly should have known better. Jeff, we have to write up a report on this," Terry declared.

"I was just explaining that to Mrs. Hayes," Jeff told Terry.

Blair had enough sense to go along with it when Terry mentioned Dorian said Todd might have a fever. When she saw Nancy also come in the room, with a blanket, she realized Dorian had deliberately gotten rid of them. She just hoped Dorian didn't get caught in whatever she was doing. Blair had taken the blanket from Nancy and tenderly wrapped it around Todd. "Is that better?" She asked him and stroked his head. "Thank you. He seemed a little chilly," Blair lied.

Frank said nothing when he saw Terry come in for an unscheduled vitals check or Nancy come in with a blanket, but he knew that Todd was neither feverish nor cold. He made a mental note to discuss this with Terry or Doctor Hanen. Dorian came back into the room.

"Dorian, is there a problem?" Blair whispered through clenched teeth. She knew that subtlety was not Dorian's strong suit.

"We'll discuss this later," Dorian whispered back, smiling. "How are you doing Todd?" Dorian asked a little too loudly.

"He's not deaf, Dorian," Blair commented.

Under the circumstances Dorian did not want to be around when Viki, Sam and Susannah returned. "I think I will go to the cafeteria. Why don't you meet me there, when you are through visiting Todd?" Dorian suggested.

"I may be a while. They are bringing him something to eat and I would like to stay and feed him."

"Oh, all right. Why don't I head home and you can come see me." Dorian gave Blair a look and a nod of her head that let Blair know she had something to tell her.

"Oh man, I hope she didn't screw things up," Blair thought to herself. She was sorry the only one she had to turn to help her was Dorian. "I will be there as soon as I can." Blair answered, smiling widely, for Frank's benefit.

Dorian patted Todd's head. "Good-bye Todd. Blair will take good care of you," Dorian said, still a little too loudly.

Blair turned to Frank and smiled again. "Dorian is very concerned for Todd and for our little family."

Frank nodded and answered, "Yes, I've noticed."

Blair, with her back to Frank, pulled close to Todd and whispered, "We're trying to help you, Todd. Even Dorian. She really wants to see you get well and get back to our little girl. Todd, please, if you can hear me, let me know if you want to leave the hospital. I want to do what's best for you, baby. I swear that is all I want. If being here is best for you, then I'll go along with it, but I don't know if it is." Then, with her mouth right up to Todd's ear, Blair whispered. "I love you, Todd. I never stopped."

Terry brought in some cream of wheat and some chocolate pudding. She showed Blair how to feed him. Blair patiently and gently massaged his jaw and his throat, feeding him spoonful after spoonful of the cereal and pudding until both bowls were empty. She went into the bathroom and dampened a wash cloth and wiped his mouth off. She had been speaking, soothingly the whole time she fed him. He gave no indication of knowing she was there.

************************************************************

Viki and Sam had settled into a booth at the diner. "Can we hold off ordering for a few minutes?" Viki asked.

"Sure," Sam answered.

They told the waitress they would need a few minutes. Viki wasn't sure how to begin. Then she decided to get right to it. "I think I may have some ideas as to why I freeze up when we try to make love." Viki was still not comfortable talking about sex.

Sensing this, Sam said, "You don't have to discuss your therapy sessions with me, if you are uncomfortable with it. Viki, I love you. I love our family. The way things are with Todd lately, it's not exactly as if sex is preying on my mind." Sam was more tired than he cared to admit. He also could not shake the overpowering guilt he felt. He didn't want to upset Viki by talking about it, but it was eating away at him. Making love was not high on his list of priorities right now.

"Sam, I'm sorry," Viki took his hand, "no one is addressing your pain, are they?"

Sam realized Viki knew him very well. "There is really nothing to address. I can't go back and change the past. I can't save Todd from having to go through all this. I had my chance and I blew it. I really don't want to talk about it. It's pointless. Like I said, I can't undo the mistakes I made and I really don't need to hear Susannah or you telling me that I did the best I could. I didn't. I trusted my instincts and believed that I would always know if Todd was really in trouble. Apparently those instincts that I always lived by were just a figment of my imagination. I made the mistake, and Todd paid the price. There is nothing more to discuss."

"And your beating yourself up is not going to change the past, either. Sam, you are there for Todd now. No father is more devoted than you. You have given up your job, you have put your entire life on hold. Todd would be lost without you."

"No, I allowed Todd to be lost long ago. Viki, I really don't want to talk about this. I would much rather hear how you are doing." Viki knew he was shutting down and there was no point in discussing his guilt with him.

"Sam, something happened in one of my therapy sessions. Susannah had me visualize making love to you to try to discover at what point I become anxious." Viki stopped for a moment. She felt embarrassed.

Sam took her hand and looked into her eyes. "Viki, it's all right. Whatever it is you found out, we'll get through it, together. I would like to know, but if you feel uncomfortable telling me, I'll understand."

Viki stroked Sam's cheek. She felt so much love for him. She wanted to do everything in her power to have a complete relationship with him. Telling him about Sloan and Victor was one of the first steps she had to take. "I visualized us making love and everything was fine and suddenly, I saw Sloan standing over us, looking betrayed and disapproving."

"You feel like you're betraying Sloan's memory?" Sam was a little confused.

"No, that's just it. It's not Sloan. It's Father. I see Sloan because...I never told you very much about Sloan. I wasn't comfortable talking about my relationship with him and I never understood why." Viki continued, trying to understand it herself as she tried to explain it to Sam. "I am now beginning to understand why. Sloan was a very good and very decent man. But there were many ways that he was like father. In appearance, in demeanor. Sam, when I fist met Sloan, I was...I was going to say attracted to him, at least that's what I told myself it was, but it was more like an obsession. I was attracted to Joe, when we first met and to Clint, and to you, but with Sloan it was different."

Viki looked down at her hands and swallowed hard. "With Sloan it was as if I had to be with him. Something compelled me to him. My God, Sam, I broke up my marriage to Clint. Clint and I had been through so much and we always found our way back to each other, but not this time. I wanted Sloan in a way that made me feel shameful and dirty. I never realized I felt that way until today."

"So, you're saying you were attracted to Sloan because you wanted to be..." Sam didn't continue.

"It's all right, you can say it. Because I wanted to be with my father." A tear slid down Viki's cheek. Sam took both of her hands in his and kissed them.

"It's going to be all right, you know," Sam gently assured her.

"Oh Sam, as Todd would say, I'm so messed up. Just when I think I have things straight and I am aware of all the damage Father did to me, I discover something that just makes me feel sick and disgusting. Sam, I think Todd and I are a little more than you bargained for."

"You are both exactly what I bargained for. Do you think the damage Victor Lord and Peter Manning did to you and Todd makes you any less precious to me?"

Viki looked at him. She desperately wanted to get her life back, completely. She realized that even though she had gotten most of it back when the alters were integrated, there were huge chunks that still belonged to Victor, and Viki was determined to take those back, too.

"It's not as if I wanted to sleep with my Father. It's just that..." Viki didn't know quite how to put it into words.

"Don't you think I have seen enough and learned enough about the confusion that happens to a child who has been sexually abused to understand that? Your father never gave you the chance to understand your sexuality in a normal way. He stole that from you, just as Peter did to Todd."

She was so relieved that Sam understood. Her feelings of self-loathing diminished a little as she spoke with Sam. "It's all confused, Sam, all of it. Love, sex, security, safety, wanting to please and be the good little girl. Not wanting to be left all alone. Ever since I remembered. Ever since I don't have the alters to protect me, all those feelings I had buried deep within me have come back to haunt me. Joe rescued me from Father. He taught me what a normal relationship was. He took Father's Victoria and turned her into Viki. He made me laugh, for the first time in my life. He taught me how to allow myself to have fun. Father stole all that from me and Joe stole me from Father."

Viki realized that she might be hurting Sam by telling him of her wonderful relationship with Joe. "Sam, I'm sorry. Please, if my talking about Joe this way..."

Sam interrupted her. "Don't you think I'm happy to know that you had some pleasure in your life, that there was a time, no matter how brief, that you knew what it was to feel that kind of love? Viki, I only wish there was a time in Todd's life that he could have known that kind of happiness. He has never allowed himself to feel one minute's pleasure. Not with Blair, not with T�a. As soon as he starts to feel even the teeniest bit of happiness he has to shoot himself in the foot to make sure he destroys it."

"That's because he doesn't feel he deserves to be happy. He doesn't feel worthy of being alive, nevertheless happy. That is where I was luckier, for lack of a better word. Father didn't belittle me, or humiliate me, at least not in the way Todd's father did. He didn't tell me I was a mistake that never should have been born. I always knew he was proud of my achievements. I knew he loved me, in his own sick and twisted way. It was the part of Father that wanted to possess me and run my life like he ran The Banner, that I hated. Long before I remembered the sexual abuse, I felt horribly guilty because sometimes I hated him for treating me like one of his possessions. Then again I guess the hatred for the abuse was always there, too. I just didn't recognize it."

"Viki, I hope you know I will do anything, anything I can to help you through this. If the best I can give you is time and patience, then you've got it. If you want me to talk to Susannah or have sessions with you, I'll do that, too," Sam offered.

"Actually, Susannah suggested that somewhere down the line family sessions might be a good idea, but for now she feels individual sessions with any of us who care to see her, are best. Todd's illness has stretched all of us to the limit. T�a and Kevin, as well as you and I. We all have our own issues to deal with and the issue of Todd. I think our family unit will be keeping Susannah pretty busy for the rest of her career," Viki joked.

Sam took her hand again. "Viki, if it's your father who is getting in the way of your happiness, we will get him out of your life once and for all this time."

"I don't think he'll ever be completely out of my life. I think what I have to do is learn to live with and accept what his part in my life was, and overcome it. Ever since Andy told us what happened to him, feelings that I had never addressed in any previous therapy have come to the surface. I never allowed myself to deal with them before. I just let them fester until I lost a part of me to them, just as I lost so much of my life to what Father did to me before." Viki smiled, "I kind of think of myself as this pie chart. Only ninety-percent of me is accounted for. I intend to find and get back the last ten percent. Those sessions hurt like hell and I hate them. I would look forward to root canal more, but I'll be damned if I will let Father's sickness take anymore from me than it already has."

"Viki, I know it's important that you face your demons, but if you are rushing this, before you are ready, for me..."

Viki cut him off. "No, I love you, and I would do anything for you, but this is for me. Yes, I want a complete relationship with you, but I want to be complete for me. I want that last ten percent of Viki back and I want Victoria gone forever. Now, I'm starving. Let's order lunch."

***********************************************************

Bill and Susannah got back to the hospital at two-thirty. Viki and Sam had not yet returned. They headed for Todd's room. Bill waited in the lounge, outside the room and Susannah went to the nurses station to check Todd's chart. Terry immediately told her what happened with Dorian.

"Was a report filled out?"

"Yes, right after the incident," Terry answered Susannah.

"Good, I will tell Viki and Sam as soon as they get back. I know Dorian claimed that she just wanted to put Blair's mind at ease, but I don't believe that. I have a feeling she is up to something," Susannah confided in Terry.

"I got that same impression. She conveniently sent both Nancy and me into Todd's room. She had asked to use the phone near the charts. She was looking for something."

"I agree," Susannah concurred.

*************************************************************

Blair stayed and tried to reach Todd for thirty minutes after she finished feeding him. He had not moved a muscle. He remained totally unresponsive. Blair kissed him good-bye and stroked his head. She tucked the blankets around him, tightly, and left. She headed for Dorian's.

"They caught you! Jesus, Dorian. How could you let them catch you?" Blair had a feeling something like that had happened.

"Todd's chart is extensive. Do you think I could read the whole thing in a few seconds. Did you or did you not want me to find out as much as I could?" Dorian, asked, feeling angry that Blair did not appreciate the risk she took.

"Yes! Of course, I wanted you to find out about his medical condition, but I didn't want you to get caught." Blair was exasperated. She was not ready to tip her hand. She need some more proof that T�a was having an affair with Kevin, and that, possibly, Viki and Sam and Doctor Hanen were aware of it and still allowed her near Todd.

"Blair, don't worry, I covered my tracks. I told them you were very concerned and I wanted to put your mind at ease."

Blair thought for a moment. "Dorian, that is a pretty flimsy excuse. Why couldn't I just ask Doctor Hanen how Todd was doing?"

"Because Doctor Hanen wasn't around. Were you supposed to just wait around for her to get back from her leisurely lunch? You have a newspaper to run and a child to take care of."

"I suppose, I just hope this doesn't backfire. Now tell me, did you find out anything?"

Dorian wished she had found out more, but she told Blair what little she did find.

"Did you find out what caused Todd to go into this state he's in?"

"I was only able to skim over the notes quickly. He was with T�a and he remembered being punished by his father. Something about being made to lick food off the floor."

"Oh my God! What kind of monster was that man? How could he have done that to a little boy? How on earth did Todd end up becoming the wonderful father he became? When I think about how kind and gentle he is with Starr. He makes her feel like she is the smartest, most beautiful, and special little child in the world. No one ever did that for him. Todd was put down, and belittled every moment of his life."

Dorian thought about what Blair just said and did feel compassion for Todd as well as Timmy. She understood what it was to be an abused child. Yet, even though she intended to help Blair in any way she could, she felt apprehensive at the thought of Todd living at the penthouse with Blair and Starr, no matter how large a staff Blair would hire. She felt that Blair and Starr might not be safe. Then Dorian thought about Viki. He'll never get well with her smothering him the way she does. She will turn him into the same spoiled brat she turned Kevin into. Even Joe didn't completely escape Viki's influence, she thought to herself. The main objective was to get Todd away from Viki's influence. Once that was accomplished, perhaps she could convince Blair that Todd would be better off in a hospital somewhere far away from Llanview.