PREVIOUSLY

"Tom, there is something I want to ask you. Would you like to have a visit with Tea?"

*******************************************************************************************************************************************

"Tom, can you swing your legs over the side of the bed?" Susannah knew if he were unable to do that on his own he would not be able to attempt a walk to the art room. With just a little support from Sam to compensate for not being able to lean on his left hand, Tom was able to do it without any difficulty. "Good, now I just want you to sit like that for a minute. Do you remember how important it is that you sit up for a couple of minutes before you try to stand up after you've been laying down?"

"I remember. So I don't get dizzy, right?"

"That's right, honey. Do you feel any dizziness or lightheadedness?"

"Nope! Can I take Tea to the art room now?"

Susannah laughed. "Tea isn't even here yet. Let's try for the chair first, okay?" Tom nodded. Susannah turned to Terry. "Let's just leave in the hep lock." She turned back to Tom. "Tom, Terry is going to disconnect the IV line. There'll be a hep lock left in your hand. You've had that before, remember?" He looked nervous. "Honey, you know if you just leave it alone it doesn't hurt. Hmmm, do you remember that?" Susannah stroked his head. He did remember and calmed down. "All right, Sam. I think you and I can manage to get Tom to the chair."

"Sure we can, you ready, Boomer?" Tom nodded eagerly.

"Okay, Tom, were going to count to three and on three I want you to try to stand up? Here we go." Susannah instructed. Tom was able to stand on the first try. Susannah helped him on with the heavy robe, while Sam steadied him. She didn't want to put him through the effort of having to dress and, in case he did make it to the art room, she didn't want him to be cold. His legs seemed to be getting a little stronger and he seemed to have a little more strength and energy. It still took a lot of effort on his part to get to the chair. He could only manage small steps and was slightly short of breath when he got there.

"How come I can't walk like I used to?" Tom asked. They could hear the anxiety in his voice and see it on his face.

"Honey, do you remember that Todd's body was very sick?"

"I think so," Tom answered. He seemed confused.

"Well, being sick made Todd's body weak. It will just take some time for all of you to get some strength back, but you know what? You already seem stronger than just yesterday."

"I do?" Tom asked, smiling.

"Yes, honey you do."

"That's 'cause I drank my milk. My mom says milk gives you strong bones and teeth. My teeth are real strong too, see." Tom opened his mouth wide so Susannah could see for herself. "I'm gonna show Tea that I'm strong enough to get to the art room." Tom sounded determined.

"We'll see, Boomer. Why don't you just rest in the chair for a while? Would you like me to get you some things from the art room to use here, in your own room?"

"No, I'll make it to the art room," Tom insisted.

Viki was coming back with the plate of cookies when she saw Tea waiting to be buzzed in. Viki went toward the doors. "Tom is out and he is very excited about you coming to visit him," Viki informed Tea with a smile.

"Really?" Tea asked, hopefully.

"Tea, Tom thought you weren't coming to see him because you were angry with him or with Todd."

"No! Oh, Viki! Did someone explain to him that it was because it upset Todd to see me?"

"Yes, Susannah did. He is really looking forward to your visit. In fact, he wanted you to have these. I was just getting a plate for them." Viki pointed to the cookies.

Tea looked at the plate of cookies and tears came to her eyes. "He's so sweet. I would never want to do or say anything to hurt Tom or any of them. Viki, do you really believe, with all your heart, that keeping him in the hospital is the right thing to do?"

"I want Todd to come home more than anything. Tea, if I didn't believe that this was best for him, I would take him home this minute. Susannah saved my sanity. I wouldn't be here now, if it weren't for her. Todd's case is considerably more complicated than mine. Nevertheless, I still have complete faith in Susannah's ability to help him. So does Sam. I understand why Blair is upset and why she feels taking Todd home would be the best thing, but you know what? If it were right, Susannah would suggest it herself. Todd and all the alters aren't just a patient to her. She loves them. She would never do anything to hurt them. Now why don't I go in and see if Tom is ready for your visit?" Viki suggested. She gave Tea's forearm a little squeeze.

Tea wiped the palms of her hands against the jacket she was wearing. "Would you believe I am this nervous about seeing him?" Tea asked. She was slightly embarrassed.

"Yes, I would. Honey, that's normal. The last time you saw him things didn't go very well and you have been told how much sicker he is now. It's perfectly normal to be nervous. Why don't you sit in the waiting area and I'll come back for you in a minute, if all is well?"

"That's fine," Tea agreed. She headed for the lounge in front of Todd's room.

Viki was happy that Tom was still out and was doing well. She wanted him to have a good visit with Tea. She put the plate of cookies on his dresser. "Tom, Tea is outside. Would you like her to come in and see you now?"

Tom picked his legs up and sat in a cross-legged position. "I'm ready! I'm ready!" Thomas' excitement was growing.

Viki went out to get Tea. She warned her that Tom did not look very good and she should try not to let him see it if she became upset.

"Blair told me he looks very sick," Tea confessed nervously.

They went into Todd's room. "TEA!" Tom shouted, bouncing in his chair. He held his arms out to her.

Tea's fingernails cut into her palms as she kept herself from reacting to the sight of him. As much as she had prepared herself, after what Blair had told her, she did not expect this. Even with the heavy robe on, Tea could see that Todd had lost so much more weight since she had seen him. His skin was a ghostly pale, made even more so by the dark circles under his eyes. She saw the bruise on his head and lip. His hazel eyes looked huge and innocent as he looked up at her. He held out his arms for a hug. Tea bent down and took him into her arms.

"I thought you were mad at me," Tom admitted. He continued to hold onto Tea.

"Tom, no. I was never mad at you."

Tom let go and looked up at her. With a big smile on his face he said, "I was never mad at you either. Will you go to the art room with me? Timmy fell down and I want to paint a picture for him. Do you like to paint? I forgot."

"I'm not as good an artist as you, but I can try," Tea answered.

"I can help you. I help Timmy and show him how to draw and color good. Look! I saved cookies for you," Tom pointed to the plate.

Tea went over and took a couple of the Oreo's off the plate and ate them. "Thank you Tom, I love these."

"Yeah, me, too. Okay, let's go to the art room." He uncrossed his legs and looking at Susannah. "See! I'm remembering to wait before I stand up." Tom turned his gaze back to Tea and explained. "Todd's body gets dizzy and could make us fall down if we stand up too quick. Pete says when we have our own bodies it won't matter how sick Todd gets, but I still don't want Todd to be sick even if it's just for his own body."

Tea became uncomfortable at the mention of Pete. "Have I been careful long enough? Can I get up now?" Tom asked Susannah.

"Sure, honey." Susannah and Sam started to help him up. "Can Tea help me and walk with me? I want to show her how good I can walk."

Sam and Susannah looked at Tea. Tea felt awkward, but walked over to Tom and said, "I would love to help you, Tom."

"Tea, why don't you take his right arm, and you and Sam can help him," Susannah suggested. She held Tom's right arm out.

Tea took his arm and held on tightly. Tom was once again able to stand. He had little difficulty when Tea and Sam helped him to his feet. They steadied him when he seemed a little off balance. "You okay, Boomer?" Sam was concerned.

"Yeah, Coach. Can we go to the art room now? I want to put out all the stuff for me and Tea to paint with."

"Do you feel dizzy or short of breath?" Susannah questioned.

"Nope." Tom shook his head.

"Okay honey. I want you to take it slow and tell me right away if you start to feel dizzy or short of breath. Do you promise?"

"Cross my heart," Tom swore.

They headed for the door. Although he was still weak, he definitely had more strength than Timmy had the other day, before he fell. With Frank, Jeff and Viki following directly behind and Susannah walking backwards in front of him, Tom made it to the door. His respiration had increased a little. Not more than would be expected. They walked into the hallway. Sam and Tea kept a tight grip on him. Susannah continued to walk backwards in front of Tom. Frank, Jeff and Viki continued to follow. They were all ready this time, in case he started fall. They made it halfway down the hallway. Susannah saw Tom was getting a little short of breath. "Let's stop and rest for a minute," she instructed.

Tea was very concerned that Tom would get winded after walking just a few yards. "I wanna get to the art room," Tom whimpered.

We'll get there, honey. You just need to rest for a minute."

Once Tom got his breath back they continued on to the art room. Laura was there and was very happy to see Tom. Tom made the introductions. "This is Tea. She's married to Todd, but she's my friend and she came to see me because she's not mad at me. We had cookies 'cause we both like Oreo's. Tea's gonna draw a picture for Timmy with me because he fell down. Todd's head and lip and arm got hurt, see!" Tom pointed out the injuries to Laura.

"I see. Looks like all of you have had a pretty hard time lately," Laura confirmed.

"That's okay, it don't hurt so much now. And I know it's not Christmas because Doctor Hanen gave me a watch that says what the day and date is. Tea! Tea! I wanted to show it to you. Look! See, it talks, too." Tom pushed the button that activated the voice.

"That is the best watch I've ever seen," Tea observed. She stroked back Tom's hair. Tom's big smile filled Tea's heart with love for him. Laura noticed that Tom was a little more talkative and animated than usual. She reasoned that was because he was excited to be out of his room and to have Tea with him. Laura, set up some watercolors, brushes and paper on the table.

"Tom, is it all right if I ask Tea something while you set things up the way you want them?" Susannah asked.

"Okay," Tom responded. He was already giving his attention to organizing the art supplies.

Susannah took Tea aside and whispered, "I think it would be a good idea if we gave Tom a little room to breathe. Would it be all right with you if we left you here with Tom and Laura? Frank, Jeff, Viki, Sam and I will be right outside. The door will stay open."

Tea thought for a moment. She looked at sweet gentle Tom. "Of course, it's all right. We'll be fine."

Susannah informed the others of the plan and headed back to Tom. "We'll let you have a nice visit with Tea and we'll be back a little later, okay honey?"

"Uh-huh. Don't worry, I'll take good care of Tea," Tom assured Susannah as he continued to organize the paints and brushes.

"We can paint a picture together for Timmy, from both of us," Tom suggested. "I wanna draw a picture of Timmy with Sam and Viki because he loves them a lot?"

"That sounds great," Tea encouraged.

"Sam and Viki love Timmy more than me, but that's okay because he's four and that's little and I'm seven and that's almost a grown up." Tom acted like he didn't care. Tea could see that he did, very much.

"Tom, why do you think that? Sam and Viki love all of you the same. They love you very, very much," Tea assured him.

"Sam and Viki want to be Timmy's new mom and dad. He said Sam is his daddy now." Tom said this without jealousy, just sadness.

Tea felt so profoundly sad for him. She knew how much Tom wanted his beloved Coach to be his dad. She realized it must be breaking his heart to think that Sam wants to be Timmy's dad and not his. What made it even sadder was that Tom showed no jealousy toward Timmy. In fact, he seemed genuinely happy that Timmy was loved. Tea wondered if Susannah or Sam and Viki were aware he felt that way. She couldn't let him go on thinking that.

"Tom." He looked up from sorting the art supplies. He looked Tea directly in the eye. His innocence made her heart melt. "Sam wants very much to be a father to you, too. He's always telling me how proud he is of you and how talented and smart you are. He always says how much he wishes you were his son. He wishes he could have always been your real dad. Viki feels the same way. They wish you were well enough to come home and live with them right now."

Tom's face lit up. Tea had never seen a smile so big on it before. "Really, Coach said all that? He's proud of me and wants me to be his son too? Him and Viki want me to live with them forever too?"

"Yes, that would make them very happy. Viki just told me today how much she wished you could come home and live with her and Sam." Tea was so happy that she could make him feel better about this. She had never quite realized the extent of how separate each alter could feel from each other and how important it was to make sure each one of them knew he or she was loved. Tea made a mental note to make sure to tell Sam and Viki about how Tom had been feeling.

"Timmy likes finger-paints, but not me. I like these." Tom pointed to the watercolors. "Finger-paints are for babies and they're too messy," Tom complained.

Tea noticed how methodically Tom arranged the supplies. He had the various hues of every color arranged in order of deepness. The brushes were arranged according to size. The paper was centered, perfectly, between him and Tea. Everything was lined up perfectly with nothing out of order. Tea wondered if keeping things in order was so important to Tom because his life was so out of order and so beyond his control.

"Laura!" Tom called out. "Is there a different blue? This one don't look like Viki's eyes."

Laura put some additional paints out for him. "Tom is quite the perfectionist," Laura smiled and informed Tea.

"What does that mean?" Tom looked up at Laura and asked.

"That means that you like everything you do to come out perfectly." Laura defined it for him.

Tom thought about it for a few seconds. "Yeah, I'm a perfectenist," he agreed. Laura and Tea exchanged glances. They both smiled. "Sam has blue eyes too, but his are more gray blue than Viki's," Tom commented. Tom looked at Tea. "I like brown eyes like yours. They look like a teddy bear's. My eyes are green. I wish they were brown like yours and Timmy's. Todd likes your eyes, too. He likes to look at your eyes. Do you wanna draw Timmy or Sam or Viki?"

Tea could not believe how the remark that Tom had just, so casually, made hit her like a ton of bricks. She bit her lip as she tried to keep from crying. It was no use. The tears came. A wide-eyed Tom looked at her. "Did I do something bad?"

"No, Tom. No, not at all. I'm sorry. I just got very sad for a minute."

"Are you sad because you miss your mom?" Tom big eyes looked questioningly into Tea's.

She stroked his head and kissed his cheek. "Yes, sometimes I do miss my mom." Tom patted her shoulder. "Don't cry, Tea. Maybe you can live with Viki? She's the best mom in the whole world, next to my mom. I get real sad, too, when I think about my mom. She went away. Maybe when she comes back, she can live with Viki, too."

Tea's heart ached for him. She knew his mom was never coming back to him. Tea was overcome with emotion. She could not stop the flow of tears.

"Is everything all right?" Laura asked. She saw what was happening.

"Tea misses her mom and she's real sad," Tom volunteered.

"Do you want me to get Doctor Hanen?" Laura inquired

"No, I'm fine." Tea sniffled. Laura sat back down and allowed them some more time together.

"Don't feel so sad ,Tea. I'll bet both our moms will be back real soon. Do you wanna paint a picture for your mom for when she comes back? We could do that instead if you want. Please don't cry."

That Tom, as bad as he felt, was trying to comfort her only made Tea weep more. Tom wiped one of Tea's tears away with his right index finger. He paused for a moment, staring at Tea's teardrop on his finger. "No! That's not true!"

"What is it, Tom? What's wrong? What's not true?" Tea asked as Laura looked on attentively. Tom blinked several times. The finger before his eyes blurred and got far away.

"Tom, is there a problem?" Laura approached him.

"No. No problem at all," he responded with a smile.

"Okay, hon. You let me know if something is bothering you or if you need something." Laura sat down again.

He moved his chair a little closer to Tea's. "So, you miss your mom and that's why you were crying, huh?"

Tea, noticed something different about Tom's voice. "I say if she wanted to leave you, let 'er. Why miss them if they want to go?"

"Well," Tea began. She sensed something had changed. "Yes . . . I . . . I . . . I mean you do miss your mom. That's okay. I know you loved her very much and . . ." Tea suddenly felt very uncomfortable around Tom.

"She meant nothing to me," he said coldly, cutting Tea off. He moved his chair even closer to hers. She could feel his breath on her face and neck. Then in his most innocent voice, she heard him ask, "Why did you turn Todd in to the police?"

"The police?" Tea repeated. She was confused.

"You did try to scream and get away. That wasn't very nice. Not if you loved Todd like you said."

Tea was getting extremely uncomfortable. "Todd was hurting me. He was hurting himself. I wanted to get help for him."

"You mean you wanted to punish him for being a man and doing what he needed to do."

"Tom, maybe we should go back to your room now?" Tea suggested nervously.

He looked up and saw Laura watching them. "It's all right. I was just asking. Let's paint." He held up two brushes. "Which one do you want?" Tea pointed to the brush on the left. He held it out to her and as she reached for it he pulled it back and laughed and then handed it to her.

Chills ran down Tea's spine. What he had just done was all too familiar to her. She looked into his eyes and her blood ran cold. Gone were Tom's innocent wide eyes. She knew she was looking into Pete's angry eyes. She realized he was trying his best to pretend to be Tom, just as he had always pretended to be Todd. He could not quite pull it off once Tea had become aware of his existence. She knew that Tom had gone inside right after he wiped the tear from her face. She went along with it because she was afraid of setting him off. "Tom," Tea began, "I think you're overdoing it. Maybe you should go back to your room and rest."

"Oh, I don't think so. I think we should stay and finish what we started. So let's see, where were we? Oh, yeah. You were going to tell me why you betrayed Todd the way you did? Let's see, could it have something to do with religion?"

"Religion?" Tea was getting frightened.

"I thought maybe you were in a rush to get away from Todd because you need some spiritual guidance from the good Reverend. You and him always did like to get into each other's . . . minds." Pete smirked.

"I turned Todd in to help him. He needed to be stopped from hurting himself and everyone else," Tea replied defensively, but firmly.

"So, you did it for his own good. You had to teach him a lesson. You had to discipline him," Pete spat out. He looked at her coldly. Tea stood up. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" Pete grabbed Tea's arm.

Using the adrenaline running through him, Pete stood up on his own. He noticed that he felt a little stronger than he had the last time he was out. He wondered how long he had been gone this time. He was relieved he was not in jail. He had been surprised when he looked out and saw Tom was just sitting in the art room and not in a prison cell. He wondered if Viki talked Kevin and the rest of the Buchanan�s out of sending Todd to jail. 'Or maybe they sent Tea in to get him to confess?" Pete wondered to himself.

Pete felt a little bad because he had just yelled at Tom and told him to stop being an idiot and believing that his mom was coming back. He screamed that she left and she was never coming back. Then, ignoring Miss Perkins' protests, he pulled Tom back inside so he could come out while Tea was there. 'At least I didn't remind him that his mom is dead,' Pete thought to himself. Pete didn't enjoy being mean to a kid, but Tom and some of the others got on his nerves. They were so naive and stupid. They let people do things to them. They were weak and let themselves get hurt and he hated that. He knew no matter how young he ever was, he would never let anyone do to him the things that most of those stupid and weak kids let happen to them.

Seeing what was happening, Laura stood up. "Is there a problem here?" she asked again.

"I think you should get Doctor Hanen," Tea requested.

"Tom, I want you to let go of Tea's arm and sit down." Laura spoke firmly.

"I don't take orders from you, bitch!"

Laura knew they were no longer dealing with Tom. She didn't want to call a code. Laura calmly went to the door. "He switched," she whispered.

Susannah told Sam and Viki to wait outside. She, Frank and Jeff walked into the art room. They knew that Todd's body was still extremely weak and they would not need much staff should a restraint become necessary.

"Who's out?" Susannah asked.

"Tom!" Pete answered.

"I don't think so. Tom wouldn't be holding Tea's arm that way. I want you to let go of Tea. Now!" Susannah ordered firmly.

Pete tightened his grip. He didn't have the strength in his hand to hurt Tea. Nevertheless she was getting more and more frightened.

Susannah looked at him. Gone was the soft roundness of Tom's face. It was replaced with the hard angles. She looked into his eyes. She knew it was Pete. His eyes were cold and angry. Unlike Saber's, they weren't void of life and filled with hatred.

"Pete! I said, let go of Tea's arm. If you can't, we will have to help you to let go." The two very large men, Susannah and Laura approached Pete in a show of force.

Pete hated to give them the satisfaction. He was enjoying the fear Tea was feeling. She had betrayed Todd and made him feel afraid. Pete felt now it was her turn. Pete knew he wasn't strong enough to fight those goons who worked with Doctor Hanen. Pete was starting to feel weaker. The adrenaline rush was leaving his body. He held on to the table for support.

"Look at me." He requested of Tea. She looked at him for a second and then looked away. "Look at me!" Pete demanded. Tea stared him in the eyes. "You'll be back. You know why? Because you'll never get Todd out of your system. No matter what you do or where you go you will always end up coming back. You are in this for the rest of your life, Delgado." They noticed his head lower slightly and his eyes blink a few times.

Todd was not sure if he was standing, sitting or lying down. He felt confused, disoriented and frightened. He hated coming back to the darkness and confusion. He hated coming back, period. He felt dizzy and weak. He reached out for something to grab on to and to see what was around him. His hand was stopped by Tea's shoulder. "Viki?" Todd called out.

Tea froze. They all realized it was Todd. "Todd, it's Doctor Hanen. I'm right over here. You're safe. You're in the art room."

Todd felt even more disoriented. He wasn't sure where the voice he heard was coming from. It didn't seem to come from the person his hand had touched. He reached out, touching Tea's shoulder again.

"Doctor Hanen?" Todd asked. He looked completely confused.

Tea looked at Susannah for guidance. Having no choice, Susannah nodded yes. She gave Tea the go ahead to say who she was.

Speaking as gently as she could, Tea said, "Todd, it's me. Tea."

If possible, Todd turned even paler. Dizziness overwhelmed him. Laura and Frank, who were close to his back, saw his knees start to buckle. They guided him to the chair. Todd was too shocked and weak to pull away from their touch. Tea stepped aside and Susannah rushed to him.

Tea ran to the door and called to Sam and Viki. "Todd is out. You'd better come in."

They stepped into the room. Susannah was holding Todd's head down to his lap. "Todd, it's all right. You are just experiencing a dizzy spell." Todd's breath was coming in ragged gasps.

"Just try to breathe normally, Todd," Frank advised soothingly.

Todd began to shiver. "I'm cold. I'm so cold," he whispered between ragged breaths.

"We'll get you back to your room in a few minutes. I want you to try to stay calm, Todd. Everything's going to be all right. Try to relax and take slow, deep breaths."

"Is Tea really here?" he whispered.

"Yes, she's here. Do you want to speak with her?" Susannah inquired.

"Did I hurt her? Did I hurt her?" Todd gasped. He was so short of breath he could hardly get the words out.

"No, Todd, you didn't hurt her. Tea is fine," Susannah assured him.

"Did I force her to come here?"

"No. Do you want Tea to tell you herself that she is okay and that you didn't hurt her?"

"NO! Make her go away. MAKE HER GO AWAY!" Todd screamed with what little breath he had.

"All right Todd. She's going. Now you need to calm down. I want you to slow your breathing down, come on," Susannah encouraged.

"I can't. There's no air in here. There's no air in here." Tears started pouring from Todd's eyes. He hated that he was crying in front of Tea. He couldn't stop himself. He wanted to die.

Susannah motioned for Sam and Viki to come to him. Tea walked to the doorway, but stopped short of leaving. She felt guilty because she was taking advantage of Todd's blindness by not really leaving. She couldn't help herself. She had to make sure he was all right. No one else even noticed she was still in the room.

"We're here, pal. Viki and I are here for you." Sam comforted.

"Sweetheart, try to relax, like Doctor Hanen says. We won't let anyone hurt you." Viki tried to calm him.

"Tea wants to send me to prison. I stole her car. I wrecked it. I'll buy her a new one. Tell her I'll buy her a new one."

"Sweetheart, that was a long time ago. Tea has another car. Everything is all right." Viki swore.

"No! It was just a few days ago. I woke up in Tea's car and my hand was cut. I wrecked her car. I wanted to get home to fix my hand and then I didn't feel so good and . . .oh God! I hurt Tea. I hurt Tea!"

"No, Todd, you didn't. You didn't, pal. We've all been here with you and Tea. You didn't hurt her." Sam was desperate to comfort Todd.

"Yes, I did! I found her on the floor of the garden shack. I hurt her. OOOOH! He was yelling at me and laughing because I wasn't man enough to do what had to be done." Tea unconsciously held her hand to the area of her face that had been punched. The memories of it came flooding back to her. At the same time her heart was aching for her husband as he sat there terrified by what was happening to him.

"Sam. I'm scared. I don't want to go back to jail. Please. I was so scared there. It hurts to be in jail."

"You won't have to go back to jail, Todd. I promise, pal. You will never have to go back to jail."

"No! Bo and Kevin and Asa and Hank want me to go back to jail and I hurt Tea. I wrecked her car and she wants me to go back to jail. Ohhhhh, my head hurts." Todd raised his right hand to his head and tried to raise the left. His breathing was rapid and shallow.

"Todd," Susannah began, "let's try to slow down your breathing." Susannah took his right hand from his head and put it on her diaphragm. "Okay, copy my breathing. Shhhh, honey, relax. Breathe with me."

Todd tried to copy Susannah's slow, deep, rhythmic breathing. He couldn't. His anxiety was too great. He started trembling violently. "I'm so cold," he cried out.

Sam took his jacket off and wrapped it around him. Susannah gave Terry an order for a sedative.

"Maybe I belong in jail? When you do bad things you have to be punished. I did so many bad things. I hurt everyone. I hurt Tea. I should be punished. I should! I SHOULD! NOOOO!" Todd pulled away so fast he almost toppled his chair over. Sam caught it just in time, and righted it with Todd in it. "He's gonna hurt me. I hear him. He's gonna hurt me." Todd whispered.

Terry came back in with the sedative. Susannah motioned for her to hold off. Taking his hand Susannah asked, "Todd, who is going to hurt you?"

"I don't know who he is? He said when you're bad you have to be punished, so take it like a man."

"Whom does the voice sound like? Susannah pushed.

"I don't know. Just a voice. Just a voice. Oh God! He's laughing at me. He's calling me a wimp. He says no one can stop my punishment."

"Todd, who does the voice sound like?" Susannah repeated.

Todd stopped for a minute. "M-m-my f-f-father," he stuttered.

"It must be frightening to hear your father's voice," Susannah confirmed.

"Todd, your father is dead. He can never hurt you again." Susannah stated firmly.

"No! He has you all fooled. He's here. I heard him," Todd insisted.

"The voice sounded like your father," Susannah corrected.

"No! It is my father! It is. He's here! Sam, make her believe me. He's here. He's here!"

"Okay, Boomer take it easy."

Suddenly Todd's shoulders hunched in fear. "He's angry. He's angry! He'll hurt you. He wants to hurt all of you."

Susannah was amazed at how long Todd was able to stay Todd. "Ask him his name, Todd. Ask the voice his name?" Susannah instructed.

"No! No! I'm afraid," Todd cried out.

"Todd, do you want to know about the alter who is yelling at you?"

The word alter set Todd off. "NO! NO! NO! I'm crazy. I'm crazy. That's what you're saying. Viki! VIKI!" Todd shrieked.

"I'm right here, baby. It's all right."

Todd grabbed Viki around the waist and held on tightly. "Viki, I don't want to be crazy. Please, make it go away. Make it stop." Viki�s body muffled his cries.

"Shhhhh, Todd, you're not crazy. Sweetheart, you're not. You're ill and you can be helped. That's why you're here. So you can be helped."

"OHHHHH!" Todd held on to Viki even tighter. He buried his head in her stomach. "He says I am crazy. He says I'll be locked away forever and he can do what he wants to Tea and to Starr. Sam. You have to go stay with Tea. He'll hurt her."

"We won't let him hurt Tea. I promise," Sam assured him.

"I was bad. I was bad. If you're bad you have to be punished. I didn't mean to be noisy. I was watching the Road Runner on TV and it made me laugh. He hates it when I laugh. I covered my mouth, but he heard me anyway. Oh, he's mad. He's mad!"

"Who's mad, Todd?" Susannah pressed.

"My father. He hates noise. I know not to be bad and make noise, but the cartoon made me laugh and I forgot. I tired to cover my mouth. I tried. I didn't mean to be bad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"What did your dad do because you laughed?

"If you're bad you have to be punished. You have to take it like a man. If you're bad you have to be punished. You have to take it like a man . . . ohhhh! I wish mama would wake up."

"Todd, it's not happening now. Do you know where you are?" Susannah hoped he wasn't going into a flashback.

"No! Not the trunk. Not the trunk. No! Noooo! NOOOO! I'll be quiet. I'll be quiet. NOOOO!" Todd's head lowered.

"Shhhhh! No noise. No noise. It has to be quiet. Shhhhh."

Susannah, Sam and Viki recognized the same child's voice they heard the other day when Blair was there. He was once again whispering.

Tea watched from the doorway. She wanted to run and felt compelled to stay at the same time.

"Can you tell us your name?" Susannah asked.

"Peep."

"Hi, Peep. Can you tell us how you got your name?"

"Shhhhh. Don't talk loud. Don't talk loud," Peep whispered.

"All right," Susannah whispered as well. "How did you get the name Peep?"

"The man said don't let me hear a peep out of you," he whispered. Peep moved his hand slowly in a circular motion.

"Peep, how old are you?"

"Nine, shhhhh." Susannah noticed his face and voice lacked expression. "The other boy forgot to be quiet." Peep looked up. "There's the beanstalk. Where's Jack?" he asked seriously.

Susannah realized that this alter was also hallucinating. "Peep, who is the other boy?"

"Shhhhh. We have to get punished for him. He forgets to be quiet."

"Who's we?" Susannah pressed.

"Me and Willie. Shhhhh. Where's Jack?" He was getting more anxious. He held out his hand. "Look, I have the magic beans . . . shhhhh . . . where's Jack? . . . the beanstalk is gonna fall down . . . it's too high . . .it's too high." He raised his voice above a whisper. When he realized what he had done he slid off the chair and crawled under the table. He tucked his head into his knees and started rocking.

Susannah noticed his movements were slow. Tea watched from her place by the door. She wished someone would do something to get Todd back. Susannah crawled under the table and turned Peep around so he was facing her. "Peep, can you hear me?" she whispered. He gave no response and kept rocking. "Peep, nothing bad will happen to you here. You are safe here. You can speak as loudly as you like. You can shout if you want to."

He stopped rocking. He lifted his head. He started making the circular motion with his right hand again. "No, you make noise you have to go into the trunk . . . Jack and Jill broke their crown . . . but not the same Jack a different Jack." Peep pulled back. He was obviously frightened. "There's too many sheep . . . too many . . . take them away . . . they'll bite me . . . take them away . . . the bag is full. The bag is full . . . three bags full . . . I don't want to go to the trunk . . . elephants have trunks, but not like this . . . there's no elephants . . . just sheep . . . too many sheep . . . I can hear them . . . I don't go to the elephant's trunk . . . I go to the man's trunk . . . me and Willie . . . no . . . there's no elephants and too many sheep . . . I can smell the sheep . . . too much wool . . . the wool is wet . . . it's hard to breathe . . . they ran after the farmer's wife . . . no . . . no . . . go away . . . go away."

Peep pulled back even more. He was becoming even more frightened. It was difficult to follow what he was saying. He kept flitting from one thing to another. "Peep what is it. What is scaring you?" Susannah whispered.

Peep curled into a ball. "Make them go away. They're biting me."

"The sheep?" Susannah wanted clarity.

Without raising his head Peep nodded. As Susannah had feared, Peep was exhibiting both the positive and negative signs of schizophrenia. He was delusional, and having multi-sensory hallucinations. His thinking was disorganized. He had looseness of association. He was unable to concentrate. His movements were slow and he used repetitive rhythmic gestures. His speech and expressions were flat. His sentences were brief and lacked content. Susannah knew there had to be a connection to the emergence of these alters and Todd's psychotic episode. The connection had to be particularly strong between Peep and Willie. Peep's obsession with fairytales and nursery rhymes and Willie's rhyming seemed connected.

"Peep. Peep! You don't have to go into the trunk. We don't put little boys in a trunk for making noise here." Susannah whispered.

"I can't climb the beanstalk . . . It's too high . . . and the mouse ran up the clock . . . make the sheep go away . . . there's too much wool . . . I can't breathe . . . the sheep left too much bags of wool in the trunk . . . I can't breathe . . . too dark . . . no starlight starbright . . . only dark . . . the man went away . . . only dark ...." He went through the motions of trying to pry off something that was over his head. Sam had described Todd doing that when he first came back.

"Peep, is there something you have to lift off of you?" Susannah asked.

He started making circular motions again. "Not real . . . real . . . make believe . . . shhhh."

"Oh please! Let me out. Please! I'll be quiet. I promise. I'll be quiet. You won't hear a peep out of me." They all recognized Todd's voice.

"Todd?"

"What?" As if startled out of a sound sleep, Todd's head shot up so fast it hit the table. "What? Where am I?" He franticly reached out in front of him. Susannah took his hand.

"Todd it's okay, you're still in the art room. You've only been gone a little while. We are sitting under a table so be careful or you'll hit your head again."

"Under a table." He repeated flatly.

"It's all right. Do you want to try to crawl out and stand up?" Susannah asked gently. Todd seemed dazed, but he nodded in agreement. They got him out from under the table and back into the chair.

"Can you tell me what you remember?" Susannah inquired.

"I dreamed Delgado was here. I wanted to wake up because I was so ashamed and embarrassed. I was so afraid I would hurt her, or that she would hurt me. I was afraid she'd want me to go to jail. Please don't let me dream that again." Todd's voice was pleading.

Tea's heart was pounding and breaking at the same time. It was only when she left the room that everyone, except Todd, became aware that she had been there all along. Tea ran, crying, to the unit doors. Connie had come on duty. She knew it must not be going well or they would have had Todd back to his room by now. Connie saw Tea run to the doors and try to open them, forgetting for the moment that she could not. "Open the damn door," Tea cried.

Connie could have buzzed her out but instead she ran to the door with her key. "Tea, are you all right? Can I help?"

"No! No one can. Just let me out before he realizes I was really here. Just let me out!" Connie opened the door and Tea ran to the elevator.

No one corrected Todd's assumption that Tea had been a dream. They knew he couldn't handle it right now. "Todd do you remember anything else?" Susannah pressed.

"It was dark and I couldn't breathe." Todd laughed to himself and said, "big surprise. It's always dark and I can never breathe." They were all surprised by Todd's sarcastic humor. It had been a long time since anyone had seen it.

"Do you remember why you couldn't breathe.

"Uh . . . ." Todd's mouth moved in a slow and lazy manner. "There was all this stuff around me. All these smelly old clothes."

'I knew these memories were closer to his conscious thoughts!' Susannah thought to herself. "Do you remember where you were when you were with all the smelly old clothes?" Susannah's gentle questioning continued.

Todd's expression turned to fear. He reached out. "Where are Viki and Sam. I want Viki and Sam."

"We're right here, pal. Take it easy." Sam took Todd�s hand.

"Viki?"

"I'm here too, sweetheart." Viki stroked his hair back. Her hand startled Todd. He started to feel even more disoriented than he had. He could not tell if he was in bed or in a chair or standing up.

"Todd it's all right. Let the memory come," Susannah coaxed.

"No! There's no memory. It's not real."

"Why don't you tell me what you're remembering, even if it's not real."

"No memories. No memories. Viki! Viki!"

Viki took him in her arms. "Shhhh, baby, it's all right. Memories can't hurt you. You're safe here. We won't let anything hurt you." Viki rubbed his back.

"Todd, if you can't say the whole memory out loud just say three words about it. Okay, just three words." Susannah was trying a different approach.

"No memories!"

"All right then just thoughts." Susannah let it go. "Tell me three words about what you are thinking."

Todd closed his eyes and took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. He stayed quiet for a minute. Then surprised them by saying, "Noise." After a long pause he slowly said, "dragged." He held on tightly to Viki. She continued to rub his back. Sam held his hand.

Susannah knelt down in front of him and put her hand on his knee. "One more word Todd. Tell us one more word."

He moaned softly and buried his head in Viki's stomach. "Basement," his voice was muffled, but they were able to hear him.

"Oh, sweetheart, that was so good and so brave," Viki praised. She kissed the top of his head.

"I'm so proud of you, Boomer," Sam rubbed Todd's arm.

"You're doing great Todd. You're . . . ."

Before Susannah had a chance to finish what she started to say, Todd suddenly pulled away from Viki and Sam. He through his head back and started laughing.

"Well! Now there is really something to be proud of. 'Oh, look at me. I can say three whole words.' What are you going to teach him to do next, Doctor Hanen, count to one?"

They recognized Saber's voice.

"We are proud of Todd, what he just did was monumental. You of all people should know how hard that was for him," Viki spoke firmly. She looked Saber in the eye.

"He's a coward and you know it. All the false praise in the world won't change that."

"My brother is the bravest person I have ever known," Viki stated angrily.

"Then you must have another brother," Saber smirked.

"What about you, Saber? Do you think you're brave?" Susannah posed.

"I am strong and powerful and I can control them all. You can interpret that any way you wish."

"You are a bully, Saber. Bullies are not brave. They are cowards. They hurt those who can't fight back." Susannah expected a rise out of him, but his eyes stayed cold and lifeless.

"I'm not about to get into a name calling match with you, Doctor. You have to realize that in any match you engage me in, you will lose. I have told you that before, but you don't seem to believe me. I can almost feel sorry for all of you. Here you are so hopeful that Todd is making progress. You have no idea what I have in store for him, and the rest of them." His remark caused a shiver to run up Viki and Sam's spines.

"Saber, to what purpose do you want to destroy Todd? Do you want to end up dead? If Todd dies or stays locked in a hospital for the rest of his life, so will you. Do you want us to have to keep Todd so drugged that he can't pay attention to you? What exactly is it that you hope to achieve?"

"Those little bastards ruined my life. Now it's payback time."

"Saber. You are not Peter Manning. You are a part of Todd. Do you understand that? I think what just happened now is that you saw Todd making some progress and you felt threatened. You are afraid if he gets well you will no longer exist."

The tinniest glimmer of anger came into Saber's eyes and then vanished in favor of the coldness and cruelty that was always present in them. Saber's smile was chilling. "I could really use a cigarette. Mrs. Carpenter, would you like your brave little brother to come back to you?"

Before Viki could answer Todd started to scream in agony as he fell from the chair. "OOOOOH! OOOOOH! MY HEAD. OH GOD! IT HURTS. MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! NO! NO! LEAVE ME ALONE. LEAVE ME ALONE. STOOOOP!"

"Todd. Sweetheart, shhhh, it's Viki." Viki got down on the floor and lifted Todd to her. He pulled away and tried to lift himself up, but fell back down. He tried again, and fell again.

Susannah motioned to let her staff know to hold back and let Viki and Sam try to calm him first.

Sam held on to Todd. "Take it easy, Boomer. You're going to hurt yourself."

Todd fought Sam's hold. He was already having trouble catching his breath. "NO! NO! Oh, God! Oh God!" he gasped. Todd was trembling, almost convulsively.

The staff waited for Susannah to let them know what she wanted them to do.

"Boomer, take it easy. I'm not going to hurt you." Sam soothed as he continued to hold on to him.

"No! NO! YOU'RE NOT REAL. YOU'RE NOT REAL. I WANT SAM! YOU'RE NOT REAL. YOU'RE NOT REAL. I WANT SAM AND VIKI. YOU'RE JUST PRETENDING. NOOOOO!" Todd began to whimpered. "Ooooh, it hurts. It hurts. Ohhhh, I'm not real, too. Oh God, I'm not real."

"Todd, it's Doctor Hanen, listen to me . . . ."

"NO! GET AWAY! YOU, TOO. YOU, TOO."

"Me too what?"

"YOU KNOW!" he screamed. Todd began to moan and whimper again. "Oooooh it hurts. Let me out . . . It's upside top. Please! I can't breathe . . . wash away the devil . . . It's dark . . . where's Starr . . . Sam's not real. Viki and Doctor Hanen aren't real and I'm not real . . . arms and legs are bad . . . where's Starr . . . I want Blair . . . look . . . look . . . there's Randy . . . he's in the road . . . I gotta get him . . . I gotta get him." Todd used all his strength to pull away from Sam's hold. He crawled across the floor, banging his head into a chair he couldn't see. He was trying to get to the road where he saw Randy walking.

Susannah knew Todd was experiencing another psychotic episode. She had no choice. She realized where this was heading. She indicated to the staff that they needed to get Todd immobilized. She gave a nod to Terry letting her know she should administer the sedative she had brought in earlier.

Todd fought the staff what little strength he had in him. He was feeling totally disconnected from his body. He felt as if his arms and legs were huge balloons, floating away from him. He believed he and everyone and everything around him wasn't real. He felt the floor under him and heard Viki, Sam and Susannah as they spoke to him, but could not make sense of them. He couldn't tell he was crawling. Nothing of his surroundings made sense to him. He felt as if her was from another planet and everything was foreign. He couldn't communicate what he was feeling. He was terrified. "NO . . . NO! . . . I'VE GOT TO GET TO RANDY . . . LOOK! . . . LOOK! . . . HE'S IN THE ROAD . . . PLEASE! . . . HE'S IN THE ROAD� LET ME GO . . . LET ME GO! . . . THEY'RE NOT REAL! . . . THEY'RE NOT REAL! . . . I'M NOT REAL! . . . ARMS AND LEGS ARE BAD . . . VIKI SENT ME AWAY! . . . THE TREES STOLE MY BRAIN . . . THE WOODS ARE DARK . . . NO PLANE . . . DON'T MAKE ME GO ON THE PLANE . . . VIKI HATES ME . . . WASH AWAY THE DEVIL . . . THEY'RE ALL PRETENDING . . . NO! . . . NO ONE IS REAL . . . HE'S IN THE ROAD . . . HE'S GONNA HURT STARR . . . LET ME GO! . . . I WANT BLAIR!"

Terry injected the sedative into the hep lock. Laura called for a gurney. Susannah stabilized Todd's head as the staff tried to hold him.

"Shhhh, Todd, it's all right. Relax. It's time to sleep for a while. Shhh. Ooookay, Todd. Relax. It's okay. Let go. Shhhh. You're safe. Starr and Randy are safe. Shhhh," Susannah whispered close to Todd's ear.

"Where's Doctor Hanen?" Todd cried, softly.

"Todd, I'm right here. I'm holding your head. Can you feel me holding your head?"

"It's not my head . . . it's not attached . . . I'm not real . . . ohhhh . . . I'm not real . . . ohhhh . . . nothing is attached . . . it's all separate . . . Randy's in the road . . . Viki's not real . . . there's too much clothes . . . I can't breathe . . . ohhhh . . . oh. . . ." The sedative put him out.

Susannah checked his eyes and took his pulse. "He's all right," she informed Viki and Sam. Susannah could see the emotional roller coaster they had just been on had left them weary. The hope they had a short time ago was not enough to sustain them through this. Susannah knew that once Todd was settled she had to make sure they understood that they still have every right to feel hopeful. Todd had another disclosure. He talked about it and that was a very good thing. Even the fact that Saber felt threatened enough to make an appearance and to torture Todd was not as negative as it seemed. He would not have felt that way and attacked with such ferocity if he hadn't realized that Todd had taken the tiniest of steps towards healing. What did concern Susannah the most was Todd having another psychotic episode, and the emergence of the new alters, all seemingly psychotic, too.

When the gurney arrived, they lifted Todd onto it. Laura watched as they all headed back to Todd's room. It seemed like days had gone by since Tom had come in to the art room, happy, smiling with anticipation and eagerly looking forward to spending time with Tea. Laura looked at the paints that Tom had lined up so perfectly and never got to use. She wondered about all the other things in life that he and the other alters and Todd had wanted to do and had planned to do, but switched before they ever had the chance. Laura shook her head as a tear slowly trickled down her cheek.

TO BE CONTINUED

COPYRIGHT 1999/RS/RHFC