PREVIOUSLY

Blair knew there was no point in arguing with them. She also knew she had to find some way to help Todd. "Can I see him before I go? I promise I won't wake him?" Blair asked Susannah.

Susannah thought for a second. "Sure, You won't wake him. He's been heavily sedated."

Connie was with Todd. Susannah walked Blair into the room and said, "Connie, it's all right. Give Blair a few minutes alone with Todd."

"Sure," Connie responded. She left the room with Susannah.

Blair looked at Todd. His bed had been left at a forty-five degree angle. Todd's hair was covering the sides of his face. Blair brushed it back. She lifted the oxygen mask off his face for a second and kissed him gently. She was afraid to injure his still swollen lip. She carefully put the mask back in place. "Don't worry, baby. I'll keep our little girl safe and I'll keep you safe, too. I'll help you. Blair is here now. Blair is here."

*********************************************************************************************************************************************

Blair stayed with Todd for a few more minutes and then left. Her heart broke for Viki and Sam and Susannah because she realized they were all doing what they thought best for Todd and it was killing them to see his suffering. However, Blair was not about to join them in standing around and watching him suffer. When they asked Blair to stay and talk for a few minutes she declined and said her good-byes. She wanted to get out of there. She had people to see. Blair was determined to find a way to help Todd.

"Oh God! I really thought seeing Blair might help him. He's worse than ever," Viki proclaimed. Her eyes filled with fear and pain for her brother.

"What's going on with him? Why does he suddenly believe Viki and I and even you are not real? Why is he so convinced that he was at Viki's cabin and she sent him away? Why was he saying it over and over again and why is Randy suddenly on his mind so much? Why is he so convinced that Starr will be hurt? Were those three, no what, four more alters who came out? What the hell is going on with him, Susannah?" A totally frazzled Sam asked question after question, without giving Susannah a chance to answer any of them.

"As I told you, Todd was having a psychotic episode, exactly what triggered it I'm not sure. Many of the fears Todd was expressing are fears he's had all along, they've just gotten tangled into other things in his mind."

"It stems from my pretending to be his mother doesn't it? That was the last thing he would have remembered before he came back today." Viki could not forgive herself.

"You don't know that. It may have nothing to do with that, Viki," Sam tried reasoning with Viki before Susannah had a chance to respond.

"Susannah, you do believe that is the reason don't you?" Viki insisted. She looked helplessly at Susannah.

"Todd was confusing many issues that were traumatic for him with his hallucinations. Confusing you with his mother is nothing new, neither is his fear that Starr will be hurt. What concerns me is that he is showing worsening signs of thought disorder and his cognitive reasoning is becoming impaired. I am also concerned because he was not able to tell if he was standing or sitting. His perception is off. He may also have been having hallucinations of sight and touch."

"Do you mean when he appeared to be stroking something in the air?" Viki pointed out.

"Yes, he may have been seeing something and feeling it in front of him. There is a possibility that the voice he heard was Saber's. He may have been telling Todd that you and Sam and I weren't real, or Todd may have been hallucinating a different voice. I'm afraid Todd is presenting with schizoid symptomatology. It may just be an aberration. If it continues I'd like to try some Zyprexa with him. It's the brand name for Olanzapine. It's one of the newer atypical antipsychotics. Its side effects are not as severe or dangerous as some of the older ones. It may also be of some benefit with the switching."

"What about what Blair said about her mother. What about those side effects?" Viki asked, anxiously.

"Those side effects can be brought about by all antipsychotics. The chances are greater with the older ones. Todd would have to be very carefully monitored."

�For what? What are the dangers of this medication?" Sam inquired, nervously.

"Why don't we wait and see if giving him the medication becomes necessary? There's no point in you worrying about the dangers of a drug Todd may not have to take." Susannah did not want to frighten them unnecessarily.

"Susannah, I would really like to know now, even if there is a chance Todd may have to take it," Viki demanded.

"So would I," Sam chimed in.

"All right. Like with other antipsychotics we would have to be watching out for what we call EPS, Extrapyramidal Syndrome. It is really a whole host of things, like Parkinsonism and dystonic reactions, oculogyric crisis. These basically are generalized spasms, involuntary movements of various parts of the body. Most affected are usually the eyes, mouth and hands. The neck can become ridged. In conjunction with the Zyprexa Todd may need some Cogentin, the brand name for benztropine. It's an antiparkinsonian agent. Akathisia, a sense of restlessness and anxiety, is also a possibility. He might have to be given a separated medication to combat that. There are some things are not as likely to occur, but are much more dangerous when they do, things like Tardive Dyskinesia . . . "

"That is the one that causes muscle twitches and jerking motions, like some of those things that happened to Blair's mother," Sam interrupted.

"TD usually causes spasms to muscle groups of the face and mouth, and grimacing. Blair's mother could have also been experiencing some Parkinsonism symptoms, but yes, Tardive Dyskinesia can cause that. It is usually not reversible and usually doesn't show up for months or even years after taking antipsychotics. We would also have to look out for any signs of NMS, Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome. That can cause extremely high fever, perfuse sweating, muscle rigidity, tachycardia, which is a very fast heart rate, cardiac dysrhythmias, elevated enzymes that can effect the muscles, including the heart and we would also have to watch out for renal failure. Unlike some of the other neuroleptics, which is another name for antipsychotics, neutropenia is not as much of a risk with Zy . . ."

"That's what causes white blood cells to decrease. I remember you mentioned that when we discussed antipsychotics before." Viki reminded Susannah as she interrupted this time.

"Yes, we don't see as much of that with Zyprexa," Susannah finished.

Sam thought of something else that frightened him. "Some of those things you mentioned, renal failure and heart rhythm disturbances, Todd has already had those things. Does that that put him more at risk?"

"He would have to be monitored more closely, yes. One other thing," Susannah continued, "there is no injectable form at this time. It would have to be given orally. He would either have to take it willingly, which is highly unlikely for any of the alters or Todd, or we would put it in his feeding tube. Stomach upset is another potential problem. So is increased postural hypotension and dizziness."

"Great! He already can't get up from the bed or a chair without his pressure dropping or feeling dizzy. Would this make it even worse?" Sam questioned bitterly.

"It has the potential to do that, yes. The drug also has the potential to increase appetite and weight, which of course in Todd's case would be a good thing. It may also cause somnolence, extreme sleepiness, but can also cause insomnia and increased anxiety."

"Dear Lord, Blair was right. I don't want Todd to have to take that drug. I don't know if the risks are worth it?" Viki stated tearfully.

"You don't have to decide now. We have to wait and see how Todd is when he wakes up. It may not even be Todd who wakes up."

"Susannah, that reminds me. Would all the alters experience the same effects from the Zyp . . . whatever it is?" Sam asked.

"Zyprexa. As with any medication Todd takes, the alters can each have their own reaction to it. There is no predicting. Look, why don't you both just put it out of your mind for now? Let's wait and see how he is when he wakes up." Susannah was trying to quiet their anxiety.

"I don't understand. Why would he suddenly become schizophrenic?" Viki inquired. She was getting more frightened for Todd by the minute.

"Todd had had some psychotic symptoms along with personality disorders all along, but not enough to make an actual diagnosis of schizophrenia or paranoia. Many times there is a co-occurring illness. Schizophrenia can often manifest itself with mood disorders, especially unipolar and bipolar ones. Todd is also severely depressed. He may be exhibiting depression with psychotic features. It is not that unusual."

"What about those new alters? He was switching so fast I could hardly keep track. I mean those were more alters weren't they?" Sam wasn't sure. His head was spinning.

"Yes, alters or fragments."

"They seemed . . . sicker, I guess is the word, than the other alters. One was only talking about fire and one only spoke in rhymes," Sam stated, nervously.

"Yes, and the other two also spoke about very specific things. Noise and something about 'mama's bed.' Remember? He was screaming something like, 'that's mama's bed.' The one who rhymed was getting so agitated. They did seem somehow sicker than the others," Viki agreed with Sam's evaluation.

"That is why I believe they may be fragments. They may not be complete personalities. They may have served a very specific purpose for Todd. I don't want to add to your worries, but what concerned me about these alters is that they appeared to have schizoid symptomatology, too. There may be some connection to Todd's episode. We really won't know any more until Todd wakes up. He should be asleep for the night. Why don't you two go home or at least go get something to eat and some rest?" Susannah suggested.

"Maybe later," both Viki and Sam said at the same time.

Sam and Viki headed back to Todd's room and Susannah went to her office. She needing time to think about what was going on with Todd. Right now she didn't have a clue and that frightened her

Mrs. Hernandez was in the middle of telling Tea about a problem she was having with a construction company that had done some work on her house when Blair burst into the office.

"We have to talk. It's about Todd," Blair practically shouted. She startled both Tea and her client.

Tea felt her heart drop into her stomach. She knew it had to be something really bad if Blair was coming to see her. Tea realized she would not be able to concentrate on what her client was saying until she found out what Blair had to say. She asked Mrs. Hernandez if she would mind if she came to her house later that night to continue their meeting. She explained that her husband was ill and this woman had some information about him. Mrs. Hernandez graciously agreed.

"What's happened to Todd?" Tea asked the second Mrs. Hernandez left.

"Do you have any idea what kind of shape your husband is in?"

Tea did not miss the sarcastic tone Blair used when she said the word husband. "Blair, just tell me what has happened to him. Is it his heart?" Tea asked in terror.

"It's everything. Do you know that he fell?" Blair blurted out.

"No," Tea quietly admitted. She was angry that neither Sam nor Viki thought to tell her.

"He has a concussion, a sprained wrist and some stitches in his lip, but that is not the main reason I'm here. How can you leave him there, Mrs. Manning?" Blair emphasized, Mrs. Manning.

"What are you talking about? Todd has been in the hospital for months. He is far too ill to leave." Tea countered.

"You just take their word for that! When is the last time you saw him? Do you have any idea how he looks? Do you have any idea how out of touch with reality he is?"

"You saw him?" Tea was feeling horribly guilty for the jealousy she was feeling.

"Yes, I saw him. He asked for me." Blair wanted to make sure Tea knew that.

Tea felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. "What did he want?" Tea tried to keep her voice from showing her emotions.

"I am the mother of his child. If he becomes concerned about her I am the one he would want to see."

"Has something happened to Starr?" Tea probed anxiously.

Blair did notice Tea's concern about Starr and immediately let her know that Starr was fine. "Todd was having some kind of hallucination. He thought this voice he was hearing was going to hurt Starr."

"Todd is hearing voices?" Tea asked, her voice trembling.

"Yes, and he's delusional. He believes Viki and Sam and Doctor Hanen are not real, that these people are only pretending to be them. He thinks Viki hates him and that he was just at her mountain cabin. He believes she sent him away. He is confusing her with his mother. He is subconsciously remembering his father killing his dog and thinking that something was going to happen to Starr because he was bad. He wants me to sell The Sun and take the money and run off and hide star and his puppy away. He thinks the dog ran away and that he is in danger. He was also switching personalities left and right. He is still feeling guilty over what happened between him and that damn Marty Saybrooke. He is even feeling guilty over you," Blair added begrudgingly.

"Over me?" Tea asked.

"I'm glad to see that you have the decency to be surprised. I'm sure all those millions that Todd paid you more than made up for whatever it is he's feeling guilty about."

Tea did not want to get into it with Blair. She let it go and instead asked, "What did Doctor Hanen say about all this?"

"She said he was having a psychotic episode. Tea, don't they tell you anything? Todd is falling apart. He looks like death. He has lost so much weight and he is so pale and sickly looking that I hardly recognized him. He can't even stand by himself. He has hysterical blindness. They have to feed him through a tube and . . . "

"I know that he can't see and I know that he and most of the alters are too depressed to eat and that he has a feeding tube. I know he has lost a lot of weight and that he's anemic and he went into cardiac arrest last week.� Tea interrupted Blair. �I . . . I didn�t know he's become psychotic." Tea was so frightened for Todd and she hated that Blair, of all people, had to fill her in on his condition.

"Tea, they are killing Todd in that hospital. He hasn't gotten any better. In fact he is so much worse. How can you stand by and let them do that to him?"

"If he was in any danger Sam or Viki or Doctor Hanen would have let me know." Tea declared defensively.

"Would they? Open your eyes Tea! He's in danger right now. I don't know how much more his body can take. They are keeping him drugged most of the time and now they are thinking of giving him an antipsychotic. Do you know what that will do to him? I saw what it did to my mother. It almost destroyed her. Why don't you go see for yourself?"

"Todd doesn't want me to see him this way, for the same reason he doesn't want Starr to see him this way. Because he loves us." Tea could not help wanting to get back at Blair.

Not missing a beat, Blair said, "Until today Todd did not want to see me either. Yet when he became really frightened and needed someone he insisted they call me."

Tea tried not to let her hurt feelings show. "All right Blair. What exactly is it you want me to do?"

"I want you to get him the hell out of there."

"Even if I thought that was the right thing to do, which I don't, Viki is Todd's legal guardian. She makes all the decisions concerning his medical care."

"I know that, Tea! Legally you are still his wife and you are a lawyer, a lawyer who never lost a case, as you always pointed out to me when you stole my little girl. Why can't you take Viki to court and get custody of Todd the way you did Starr? The way I understand it, the court said he has to have therapy. They did not say he had to be hospitalized."

"Todd is in the hospital because he is so sick. It would put him in even more danger if he were home," Tea reasoned.

"You know Tea, it's not as if we are all without means. We could get Todd all the care he needs. We could hire an entire staff. The difference is they would take orders from us. We would have the control over what they do to Todd. Now he is at the mercy of what ever Doctor Hanen thinks is best. Viki and Sam seem to go along with whatever she suggests."

"That is because she is an excellent doctor and she cares very much about Todd. She would never do anything to hurt him," Tea believed every word she said.

"Look, I know she is a very good doctor and that she helped Viki. I know she cares about Todd, but what if she's wrong? What if what she is doing for him is not the best thing? Maybe there is some kind of treatment out there that she is not aware of? Maybe some kind of alternative medicine that she doesn't know about or doesn't believe in?"

"What are you suggesting, that we take Todd to a faith healer?"

Blair noticed the sarcasm. "No, Tea! I am just saying that there may be things out there that Doctor Hanen doesn't know about. She's a doctor, Tea, not God."

"Have you spoken with Sam and Viki about this?" Tea inquired.

"Briefly. They feel the hospital is the best place for him because of his physical illness as well has his mental ones."

"Well, Blair! I think they're right. What if he's home and goes into cardiac arrest again? What if he needs to be restrained?"

"You know that they do that to Todd, that they tie him down like an animal, and you agree with that!" Blair could not believe this.

"It's for his own good Blair. What are they supposed to do, let him hurt himself or someone else?"

"Hurt someone else? Wise up, Chiquita. Todd can hardly sit up by himself. Starr is stronger than he is. Why don't you go see your husband? See what they've done to him. See his weak and broken body and then you tell me how much they're helping him."

As much as Tea hated to admit it, she knew that she should be taking more of a part in Todd's life, or at least in the decisions made about his care. She felt ashamed of the fact that she was glad that Viki was making those decisions. Tea did not want to be responsible for what they did to Todd. She did not trust herself to be strong enough to always do what is best for him. Like Blair, her first instinct might be to rescue him rather than let them help him. As much as she wanted to see him, a part of her felt relief that he didn't want her near him. After what happened on his birthday, when she came to visit the alters and Todd came back and freaked out when he realized she was there, everyone thought it best she stay away. Tea missed Todd. She missed him more than she ever thought possible, but the Todd she missed was not this sick and helpless child. She missed the man she knew. Yes, he was always deeply troubled and damaged. He was sicker than she ever realized, but not like this. Tea did not want to see Todd this way. She also realized that she had to.

"Blair, I am not promising anything, but I will find out if I can see Todd or the alters. I will go talk to Doctor Hanen. I'll explain your concerns to her and to Viki and Sam. I do trust them and Doctor Hanen. Viki and Sam love Todd as if he were their son. They are not stupid or naive. If Todd weren�t getting the best of care they would be the first to take him out of there. I do agree that I should go see him for myself."

"You do that, Mrs. Manning. You go see your husband and then you tell me that the hospital is the best place for him." With that, Blair turned on her heels and left Tea's office.

Tea took her wallet out of her purse and once again looked at the well-worn picture of Todd that she carried. The edges were beginning to fray from all the times she took it out and held it. She started to tremble. Tea kissed the face in the picture and put her head down and wept like a baby.

Susannah came in early and headed straight for Todd's room. She was as upset as Sam and Viki to see that Todd was still in the throes of a psychotic episode. Terry, accompanied by Frank and Jeff, came in to give Todd a feeding.

"No! What are you doing! Get away from me!" Todd cried out. He was starting to panic. He weakly tried to push her hand away as he felt it touch his cheek.

"Relax pal, you have to be fed. You know this doesn't hurt," Sam spoke soothingly. Frank and Jeff held down Todd's arms. Jeff was careful of how he held Todd's injured left arm. Todd tried to kick out. He was too weak to even raise his legs. No one was needed to hold them down.

"No, I don't want it. Tell her to go away." Todd begged.

"Sweetheart, you have been fed this way for a while now. It's all right. Terry will be very gentle," Viki was afraid that this was going to end up with Todd being restrained.

Todd stayed perfectly still and his eyes focused as if he were seeing something. Like he did yesterday, he reached out and stroked something. Terry proceeded with the feeding. Now, Todd seemed oblivious to it.

"Todd, can you tell me what you're seeing?" Susannah asked.

"The horse is supposed to be in the stable, but he's standing by the table." They knew from the childlike sound to his voice and the rhyming that the alter who came out yesterday was back again.

Hi, my name is Doctor Susannah Hanen. Can you tell me who you are?"

"Silly, silly, silly, my name is Willie," he replied as he continued to stroke the horse that he saw.

"Hello, Willie. Can you tell me how old you are?"

"Nine. I crossed the line. I crossed the line."

"Willie, can you tell me why you speak in rhymes?" Susannah probed.

"No! No! Put the horse in the stable. I'm not able. I'm not able. I'M NOT ABLE!" He was getting agitated.

"All right, Willie. We'll put the horse in the stable." Susannah stood in Willie's line of vision, between him and "the horse."

"The horse needs hay to eat. An apple's a treat. It's sweet. It's sweet."

"All right, we'll give the horse an apple," Susannah promised.

"Good. You should. The horse is nice. Twice as nice." Willie giggled at the last thing he said. All of a sudden Willie looked past Susannah towards the other side of the room. She could see something was frightening him. "Too much water. Too much water. The sheep makes wool the tub's too full. Make it stop. Pop. Pop. NO! MAKE THE WATER STOP COMING DOWN. WE'LL DROWN. WE'LL DROWN! STOP! STOP! TOO MUCH WATER. THE TUB IS FULL THE SHEEP MAKES WOOL! STOP! STOP!" Willie was getting out of control.

Susannah was pretty sure he was seeing a bathtub overflow or some source of running water. Willie drew his knees up to his chest and started hitting his head against them. He seemed to have a little more strength than Todd. "Stop the feeding." Susannah called out to Terry as she stabilized Willie's head to prevent him from hurting himself. Willie tried to pull Susannah's hands off of his head. Frank and Jeff immobilized his arms. If he could kick out, he didn't. He was not acting aggressively. He was just frightened.

"Willie, we have a rule here. You can't hurt yourself or anyone else."

"The boy is bad. The boy is bad. Now he's sad. Now he's sad. He's sad. He's sad. He's sad," Willie cried as tears poured out of his eyes.

"No, you aren't bad. You didn't know the rules and now you do. No hurting yourself. Willie do you understand?"

"Yes. There's a mess. There's a mess. Too much water. Too much wool. It's full. Yes, there's a mess. No. No. I won't go. I WON'T GO!" He then quieted down again.

"Willie, if we let go of your arms and head do you promise not to hit your head into your knees?" Susannah asked. He nodded. They cautiously and slowly let go. He made no attempt to butt his head into his knees. "Willie that's very good. You're a good boy." Susannah praised.

"Good, mama's joy," he said, smiling at Susannah.

"Yes, very good boy." Susannah confirmed.

"I'm a good boy. A joy. A good boy," Willie repeated.

"Yes, you are a very good boy." Susannah reassured him with a smile.

Willie's calm suddenly turned to fear again. He began looking past Susannah at "the water." "Look at the clown. He'll drown. He laughs too loud it reaches the cloud. NO! Bad and sad and sad and bad and sad and bad." Willie kept repeating this over and over again. Then he started to sniff the air. "Hhhhha," he gasped. "I smell the fire. I smell the fire. I'm not a liar. I'm not a liar!" He started to cry again.

Susannah feared that Willie was totally psychotic, the speaking in nonsensical rhymes, the multi sensory hallucinations, his inability to concentrate on what was going on around him, left little doubt in her mind. What the connection was to his sudden appearance and Todd's episode she did not know. "LOOK! THERE'S FIRE! THERE'S FIRE! NO! I'M NOT A LIAR! I'M NOT A LIAR! NOOOOO!" Susannah had just given Terry an order for a sedative when he quieted down.

"Ooooh! I like the fire. It's pretty. Look! It's all orange and blue." He stuck his hand out as if he were putting it into the flame. "It hurts the other boy, but not me. I'm not afraid of it. He looked at something in his right hand that only he could see. When he realized he couldn't lift his left arm he placed the object he was seeing in his left hand. He went through the motions of what appeared to be taking a match out of a box and striking it against the box to light it. He held the imagined lit match up in front of him. He seemed to be mesmerized by the flame.

"Hi, can you tell me your name?" Susannah knew this wasn't Willie. She got no response. He was watching the match his mind saw burn out. He lit another one and then another. He was oblivious to anyone being in the room with him. Susannah sat on the bed and gently pushed his right hand down. With her other hand she lifted his face until their eyes met. "Hi, my name is Doctor Susannah Hanen. Do you have a name?"

"Bad Boy. I think."

"You don't know if Bad Boy is you name?" Susannah restated.

"The lady says I'm a bad boy."

"Do you mean Todd's mother?" Susannah pressed.

"Light the match for me. I like the fire," he requested. He tried to pull his hand away from Susannah.

"It's not okay to play with matches. It's very dangerous," Susannah explained.

"That's what the lady says. She says I'm a bad boy. The man plays with fire. He's bad. He hurts them. I don't hurt nobody. I just like the fire. The big boy made a big fire in back of the school. I wanted to watch. He wanted to run away, but I stayed and watched and he got caught. He got mad. I wanted to walk in the fire. He pulled me back. He said, 'stupid kid.' He stayed out and got in big trouble."

Sam knew he was probably referring to the time Todd got caught setting the dumpster behind the school on fire.

"Well, Bad Boy, it is very dangerous to play with fire, but that doesn't make you bad." Susannah explained. She released his hand and he immediately went back to "lighting matches" and losing himself in the flame. Susannah once again, held his hand and lifted his face so that he was making eye contact with her. "Bad Boy, how old are you?"

"Don�know."

"Can you tell me what you look like?"

"Don� no."

"Do you know Todd?" He shrugged. He didn't seem to be sure if he knew him or not.

"Do you know Carol or Goodone or Miss Perkins?"

"I don't think so," he responded as he shrugged again. "Light the match for me. I can hold it real long even when it burns down. I don't drop it. Light the match for me," he pleaded.

"Bad Boy, I know you like play with fire, but it isn't safe. You could get hurt or hurt someone else. Do you want to hurt yourself or anyone?" Frank tried.

"No. I don't want to hurt nobody. The lady thinks I'm bad. I just like the fire. The man likes the fire. He plays with the stove and the lighter and the fireplace. He likes to play by burning some of those boys. They don't like it and get real scared and sometimes I come out. I like fire."

"Doesn't it hurt you to be burned?" Viki asked.

"No, because my hands aren�t attached to me when the man burns them."

"What do you mean they're not attached to you?" Sam asked.

"They're separate. They don't belong to the rest of my body. One of the other boys don't yell and the man don't like that, so I yell. I don't want the man to lock me up like that other boy. It don't hurt him and he acts like it don't hurt him and he gets locked away in the dark. I fool the man. He don't know I like the fire. I practice. I stick my hand in the fire, but the lady gets mad."

"You burn yourself to practice for when the man burns you?" Susannah wanted to be clear on this.

"In the fireplace and on the stove. I practice. Who's that?" Bad Boy pointing to someone only he could see.

"Bad Boy, are you seeing a person?" Susannah probed.

He nodded and said, "two people."

"Can you tell me what they look like?" Susannah coaxed.

He described Todd. "You can see Todd?" Sam asked in a surprised voice.

"I don't know his name," Bad Boy replied. He looked at Sam.

"Can he see you?" Susannah continued to question him.

"He's with a lady, an old lady."

Susannah looked at Sam and Viki. She was reasonably sure Todd was with Miss Perkins, but why, she wondered was he not with Goodone? Susannah thought for a moment and wondered if these alter's memories were closer to Todd's than most of the others. Perhaps Todd didn't need the sanctuary of Goodone under these circumstances. She knew that Todd did remember being burned at times and he remembered being told he set the school dumpster on fire. What was unusual was not so much the fact that this alter was projecting Todd and Miss Perkins outside himself, but that this alter was seeing Todd at all. Susannah wondered why Todd was not hiding.

"Bad Boy, is it all right if I try to talk to the lady and Todd?" Susannah pushed.

"Okay, then can we play with the matches?" Bad Boy bargained.

"No, hon. I'm sorry. It's never okay to play with fire." Susannah saw he was upset by what she just told him.

"No! Not never. I like the fire. It's pretty. Look, it's pretty. Look! I can put my hand in and it don't hurt. Look at the colors. Look how pretty it is. I can put my hand in and it don't hurt. I want to play with the fire. I want to play with the fire." He was repeating it over and over again. He was getting lost in his hallucination and losing contact with them.

Sam went to the toy box and rummaged through it for a few seconds. "Bad Boy, Bad Boy, look!" Sam called out. He held up a toy fire engine that belonged to Thomas. "See, fires can hurt. Now, firefighters try to put out fires before they can hurt anyone and they ride in fire trucks that look just like this."

Bad Boy stopped repeating and looked at the toy in amazement. He reached out for it. "I got no toys," he sadly confessed. "It's red. I like red. It makes fires go away?" He seemed confused.

"The firefighters do. They use the truck to get to the fires and to help put them out, so no one will get hurt." Sam explained.

"The man likes fires. I can feel the fire. I didn't make it. The man did. He wants to play the fire game." Bad Boy looked away from Sam. He pointed. "Look he's covering his ears. The lady is patting him on the head. Why is he covering his ears?" Bad Boy seemed to be looking at Todd and Miss Perkins.

"Bad Boy, will you do something for me?"

He looked at Susannah questioningly.

"Will you let me try to help you get very relaxed so Todd can come and talk to us?"

"Will you take the toy away?" he asked, anxiously.

"No, you can keep the toy as long as you want," Susannah assured him. She hoped Thomas wasn't somewhere inside, getting upset.

"I like red. I like the truck even if it puts the fire out."

"Okay, honey. You can hold on to the truck. I want you to lay back and try to relax your whole body. I will help you. Close your eyes.�

"No! I don't like the dark. I practice so I don't get locked in the dark. No! Please! I don't like the dark. Light the match for me. Light the match for me. Please!" His anxiety was increasing again.

"Bad Boy, shhhh. You don't have to close your eyes if you don't want to. It's okay."

He looked at the toy truck again. "If they put out the fire the man will get mad."

"Honey, don't worry. We won't let the man get mad. Now lay back," Susannah gently pushed him to a reclining position. Susannah started with his feet and slowly got him to relax each section of his body. His eyes became glassy and his breathing became slow and rhythmic. "Bad Boy, I'm going to ask you to go inside now. Todd, I want you to come to the front. Todd. Can you hear my voice? Come to the front, Todd. It's safe." There was no response. "Miss Perkins. If Todd is with you can you help him to come to my voice? I don't think Todd is hiding if he is with you. He may just be a little frightened, but not enough to hide. Miss Perkins can you make him feel safe enough to come out?"

They all noticed the tension returning to Todd's body. "Todd, it's all right. It's safe for you to come out. Todd, I think you can hear me. Come to my voice. Let Miss Perkins help you. You know she won't send you to be hurt. Come to the front, Todd. Push your way to my voice." Susannah continued.

"I feel funny," they knew Todd had come back.

"In what way do you feel funny?" Susannah asked.

"Floaty, I'm not real."

"Yes, Todd, you are very real. Would you like to sit up?" Susannah inquired.

"I am sitting up."

"No, you are laying down. Come, we'll help you up. Sam, would you help me?" Sam and Susannah got Todd into a sitting position. "Todd, I want you to stay relaxed and calm. You're safe. Todd, tell me where you are?" Susannah accessed.

"The woods?" Todd guessed.

"No, you are in your hospital room. Sam, Viki, Fr . . ."

"Viki?" Todd called out. His tone was questioning. It was as if he couldn't believe she was really there.

"Yes, baby. I'm here. It's Viki, sweetheart.�

Todd stayed perfectly still for a full minute. He seemed to be listening for something. "He's not talking to me. It's quiet. Don't let him know I'm here." Todd whispered.

"All right, Todd, you're safe here." Susannah assured.

"Did Viki come back? Maybe she forgave me?" Susannah motioned Viki to come to speak with him.

"Baby, I'm right here. I was never angry with you. There is nothing to forgive."

�Viki?" Todd called out in a trembling voice. He reached out with his right hand.

Viki took his hand. "Yes, sweetheart. It's me."

"It's really you?" Todd reached up to touch Viki's face.

When his hand passed her lips Viki held on to it and kissed his palm. "I'm here, sweetheart. It's really me and I love you very, very, much."

"You were so far away. I found you and you sent me away. Will you let me stay with you now?"

Susannah could see that Viki was hesitant about allowing Todd to confuse her with his mother. The difference was, he was referring to her as Viki, it was just the circumstances he was confusing. Susannah did not want Todd to get upset again. She tapped Viki on the shoulder and mouthed, "it's all right."

"Yes, baby. You can stay with me. You can stay with me forever," Viki hugged Todd as tightly as his injured body would allow.

Susannah was relieved that he was calmer. He was still exhibiting some schizoid symptomatology, but he was definitely improved. "Todd, can you tell me the last thing you remember before waking up just now?" Susannah asked.

"I heard you calling me." They were all shocked by his response. He had made a connection between his inner world and the real one.

"Do you remember what you were doing when you heard me calling you?" Susannah probed.

"Fire, I remember fire." Todd began to cower against the headboard. They could see he was frightened.

"I don't like fire. Who was that little boy?"

Susannah's heart started to pound. Could Todd actually have seen and remembered one of his alters? Could he actually be communicating with his inner system to this extent? "What was the little boy doing?" Susannah continued to question him.

Todd simulated Bad Boy's actions with the matches. Todd held his hand out. "He was playing with matches in the living room. He was lighting them and holding his hand in the flame. Ohhhh!" Todd cried out. He made a fist and pulled his hand back. "It doesn't hurt him, but it hurts me. I didn't do it. I DIDN'T DO IT! SAM! I DIDN'T DO IT! I SWEAR. I SWEAR! SAM!"

"I'm right here, Todd." Sam sat next to Todd and put his arm around him. "Relax, Boomer. What didn't you do?"

"I didn't set the dumpster on fire. Don't let them call my dad. Sam, don't let them call him."

"Todd, that was long time ago. You're safe now. You're in your hospital room. Can you tell me about fire? Why does it frighten you?" Susannah redirected him back to his memory.

Todd started shivering. Sam pulled the blanket up over him and tightened his grip. "It's okay, pal. I'm right here with you and so is Viki and Doctor Hanen. You're safe. Nothing can hurt you."

"And you're real. Sam, you promise me you're real?"

"Yes, Boomer, we are real. We love you, pal. We'll never let anyone hurt you again," Sam promised.

Tears formed in Todd's eyes. He reached out for Sam's hand. Sam put his hand in Todd's. Todd's hand was ice cold and trembling.

"He hurt me with the fire, Sam. I see him. My dad hurt me with the fire."

"You mean the lighter, Boomer?"

"No, not just the lighter. The fireplace. He held my hand in the fire in the fireplace. Ohhhh, make it stop. I don't want to remember. I don't want to remember. Please! Make it stop. Sam. Make it stop!" Todd buried his head in Sam's shoulder.

"Todd," Susannah did not want him to lose the memory, "it's all right. You do want to remember. Todd, don't you see that? You allowed yourself to remember. It's okay, honey. It's safe to remember things here. Nothing bad will happen to you. Do you remember why your dad held your hand in the fire?"

A loud sob escaped Todd's throat. "He did it a lot, I think. This time it was because I put my hand on his shoulder. He was sitting in his leather chair in the living room. I was being disciplined because I took a soda without permission. I had to learn to control myself and not just take a drink because I was thirsty. I had to be disciplined. I had to stand next to his chair without holding on to anything. I had to stand real straight and perfectly still. After a few hours I didn't feel so good. I felt dizzy and I said, 'Dad, I don't feel so good.' I put my hand on his shoulder because I felt like I was going to fall over. I was bad and didn't obey him so he disciplined me. He held my hand in the fire."

"How old were you?" Susannah asked.

"That time I was nine. Hhhhha!" Todd gasped. "There was another little boy in the room with me. He's not afraid of the fire. It doesn't hurt him. He pushed me away and he got his hand held in the fire this time. Who is he? I didn't mean to get him hurt. VIKI! VIKI!"

Viki put her arms around Todd. "I'm here, sweetheart. What is it?"

"I'm afraid," he sobbed loudly. "I don't wanna remember. Make it go away. I don't like it. Make it go away! No more. No more!" He was gasping as each sob left his throat.

Viki hugged him to her. Susannah could not believe the progress Todd just made. She was stunned. Susannah rubbed Todd's arm as Viki held him. "Todd. You don't have to remember anymore right now. You can rest. You did such a huge and brave thing today. You can rest now. It's all right. You did a great job."

Sam and Viki looked at Susannah, they saw the tears in her eyes matched their own. "We are so proud of you, sweetheart," Viki praised Todd and held him close.

"We are, Boomer. We know how hard that was for you," Sam acknowledged. He rubbed Todd's back.

"No more, okay," Todd continued to sob. "No more. Please!"

"No more, Todd. You rest now. Shhh, it's sleep time. Shhh." Susannah's voice and Sam and Viki's touch was calming and comforting. Slowly, Todd drifted off to sleep sandwiched in a hug between Sam and Viki. They carefully lowered him to a reclining position. Sam pulled the covers up over him. They each took a turn kissing "their kid" on the forehead. Susannah called Carl in to stay with him. Viki and Sam headed to Susannah's office with her. They had a lot to discuss and for once it wasn't all bad news

TO BE CONTINUED�
Chapter 64