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Andy was still under the bed when they got to Todd's room. As they walked into the room they saw that Frank was on his knees. He was looking under the bed and saying, "Andy I'm sorry I frightened you. I promise I wasn't going to hurt you."

"Frank, it's all right. Let me talk to him," Susannah said as she gave Frank's shoulder squeeze, letting him know that she wasn't faulting him in this situation.

Bill noticed Susannah turned on a tape recorder and put it on the floor near the bed.

"Andy, its Doctor Hanen. Viki and Sam are here too. It's safe, sweetheart. No one will hurt you. It's safe to come out from under the bed."

"I don't wanna! I don't wanna! No! I'm not your good boy. I don't wanna! Mommy hates me. She lies to me. Miss Perkins hates me. Nobody wants me with them. Only Timmy. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be daddy's good boy." Andy started to whisper to himself. "No, no, it hurts! I don't like to. It won't hurt if I'm a good boy. Mommy hates me. Everybody hates me. Everybody lies to me." Andy kept whispering these same things to himself, over and over again.

"Why do you think mommy hates you, Andy?" Susannah asked gently.

Andy didn't reply. He just kept whispering the same things to himself. Susannah was wondering if he wasn't prone to flashbacks after all. "Andy I'd really like it if you talked to me. You don't have to come out from under the bed if you don't want to. You can stay there for a while if you feel safe there. I just want you to talk to me sweetheart. Can you hear me? . . . Andy, can you hear me?"

"You lied to me."

"Sweetheart, do you think I'm mommy?"

"You said you weren't mommy."

"That's right, I'm Doctor Hanen. Do you think I lied to you?"

"You did!" he accused and started to cry again.

"Andy can you tell me what you think I lied to you about?"

"You said daddy wouldn't do stuff to me anymore. You said it was safe here. Is Viki still my sister? Am I still gonna get to live with her and not daddy and mommy?"

Susannah remembered Andy asking this the last time he felt lied to. He had never forgotten what Viki promised him the first time they met. He apparently dreamed of the day he could live with her and never have to go home to Barbara and Peter, whom he still believed he lived with. Susannah motioned for Viki to come over and answer Andy.

"Andy, its Viki. Honey I will always be your sister and you can live with me forever if you want to. More than anything in the whole world I want you and Todd and everyone to be well enough to come home with me. I love you very much Andy. So does Sam. We want you to live with us very much?"

"Will Sam do stuff to me? Did everybody lie about that too?"

"Andy I promised you I will never, ever 'do stuff to you.' I will never break that promise," Sam vowed to the child as he knelt down near the bed.

"Andy, Frank was not trying to hurt you. He was just trying to get you cleaned up. Frank would never touch you in a bad way or a way that would hurt you. Neither would any of the other men who work here. No one here will ever do that," Susannah reassured him.

"He wanted me to be a good boy. Mommy says I should be a good boy but she hates me if I am. Everybody hates me. They want me to go away forever. Miss Perkins won't let play with Timmy," Andy wept.

Susannah was hoping that maybe this time she could get Andy to explain why he thinks his mommy hates him and why Miss Perkins doesn't seem to want him around the other children. Susannah remembered that Miss Perkins left as soon as she brought up Andy. "Andy, why doesn't Miss Perkins want you to play with Timmy?"

"Mommy's gonna send me away."

"Why would mommy send you away?" Susannah followed his train of thought.

"Daddy likes me best. I'm gonna be a baseball player when I grow up." He seemed to be calming down.

"Sweetheart, do you think you could come out now? I like to be able to see your face when I talk to you." Susannah coaxed.

"Will I have to do stuff to daddy and let him do stuff to me?"

"No Andy, I didn't lie you. I promise daddy will never come here. He will never hurt you again. Frank was not trying to do stuff to you. Susannah decided to try a slightly different approach. "Andy, do you know a little baby who lives with you and Todd? He's only five months old."

"No," Andy responded.

"Well sweetheart, there is a little baby who lives in Todd's body too. He doesn't know how to use the bathroom yet, so he wet himself. Frank was just getting him cleaned up. He wasn't trying to hurt or do stuff to you or the Baby. Andy, do you understand?"

"Is the baby going to be punished for wetting himself?" Andy sounded concerned.

"No! Andy, none of you will ever be punished again. Not for that and not for anything else. Do you think you can come out now sweetheart?"

"Can I have ice cream?" Andy requested.

A huge smile popped out on everyone's face when they heard Andy ask that.

"Yes, you can have all the ice cream you want. What flavor do you like?" Susannah asked him happily.

"The white one," Andy replied.

Susannah turned to Frank. "Will you please get Andy some vanilla ice cream?" Susannah turned her attention back to Andy, who was still under the bed. "Okay Andy, your ice cream is on its way. Will you come out now sweetheart?"

Andy slid out from under the bed. "You promise you didn't lie to me?" He asked, looking Susannah in the eye?"

"I promise. I will never lie to you."

Andy sat cross-legged on the floor, facing Susannah. "Is everyone mad at me?" He asked. His head was hung down.

"Noooo Andy," Susannah assured him. She moved next to him and put her arm around him. "No one is mad at you."

"Will I be able go play with Timmy?" Susannah noticed the sadness in Andy's eyes as he asked this.

"Yes, if Timmy comes out you can play with him." Susannah was afraid that once inside, Miss Perkins might not allow it. Susannah notice the top of the hospital gown he was wearing was torn and had a bloodstain on it. "Andy, can I look at your shoulder to see if it's hurt?"

Andy hadn't noticed that he had a pretty bad scrape on his shoulder, probably caused by his shoulder brushing against the bed's metal mechanism. In his panic about being touched he hadn't even felt it.

"No! I don't like Doctor Evans," Andy refused.

"Andy, I'm not going to take you to see Doctor Evans," Susannah promised.

"He always does thing that hurt. Mommy says it won't hurt but then it does. He says it will only hurt a little and it hurts a whole lot. Everybody lies to me."

"Andy, I won't lie to you. If it's going to hurt to fix your shoulder I'll tell you it will, okay?" He thought about it for a minute, then said, "okay."

Susannah turned him around slightly so she could get a better look at his shoulder. She was relieved to see that it was just a bad abrasion and wouldn't need anything too painful to patch it up. "Frank came in with his ice cream. Susannah stood up and told him to put it aside for a few minutes. She then approached Viki. She whispered, "do you know when Todd last had a tetanus shot?"

Viki shook her head. She had no idea.

Susannah walked over to Terry and took her aside and spoke to her quietly. "Will you please get me some gloves, a basin, gauze, antiseptic, bandages, and he's going to need a tetanus shot."

"Do you want to call more staff in here?" Terry asked, afraid that Andy would resist being patched up and certainly resist being given a shot.

Susannah knew Andy would resist, but she also knew it would only traumatize him further to be physically restrained. "No, you and Frank will be sufficient. Todd's body is weak and Andy has little strength anyway. If necessary Sam can probably hold him still long enough for me to give him the shot." Susannah turned walked back to where Andy sat on the floor. "Andy, would you like a bandage with a picture of one of the Flintstones on it?"

He nodded yes, eagerly.

"Terry you know which ones to get?" Susannah called to her.

"Sure do," Terry replied and went to get the necessary supplies and medication.

When Terry came back with the supplies Susannah needed, Susannah knelt down next to Andy again. "Andy, I have to put some antiseptic on the scrape on your shoulder. It will sting for about a minute, and then it won't hurt."

"Do I have to?" he whimpered.

"Sweetheart if I don't clean it you can get an infection and that would hurt a whole lot more," Susannah explained. She put her arm around him again and asked, "Andy, do you think you can hold still while I do this or do you want Sam or someone to hold you?"

"I want Sam to hold me. It don't hurt when Sam holds me."

Andy's words brought tears to Sam's eyes.

"Andy why don't you go sit on the bed okay, sweetheart?" Susannah suggested.

"Okay," Andy agreed he stood up and headed for the bed.

Sam sat down next to Andy and held him in his arms.

Susannah lowered the shoulder of his gown. She poured the antiseptic on the gauze and cautioned Andy, "Sweetheart, this is the part that's going to sting."

Sam felt Andy's muscles tighten. "It's okay pal. I'm right here. It won't hurt for long, just for a minute."

Susannah applied the antiseptic.

"It hurrrrrts," Andy whimpered. He rested the back of his head against Sam's chest.

Susannah applied some antibiotic cream and as Terry handed her the bandage. Susannah showed it to Andy.

"Barney! Sam look! It's Barney Rubble. He's got a little boy named Bamm Bamm that's cause he goes bam bam all the time. Barney don't punish him for making noise. He likes his little boy. All the time."

"Andy," Susannah spoke calmly, "I'm going to have to give you a tetanus shot." As she expected, Andy immediately tried to get away from Sam and get back under the bed.

"Andy it will only sting for a couple of seconds. I promise," Susannah tried to calm him.

"Nooooo, I don't want a shot," Andy wailed.

Sam tightened his grip on him and Frank stood ready, outside the door. He hoped that Sam could handle the situation. He knew that if anyone but Sam tried to hold Andy now, it would only set him off even more.

"Come on Andy, I've had tetanus shots. They don't hurt much and it is only for a few seconds" Sam stated comfortingly.

"I don't want a shoooot!" Andy cried, continuing to struggle.

Viki sat on the other side of the bed and rubbed his back. She tried her hand at calming him. "Honey I know you're afraid of shots and that's okay. I don't like them either, but this is a really quick one."

"Noooo! Everybody lies to me. They say it won't hurt a lot and it does. Doctor Evans said he was just gonna look at my hand but he made mommy and the nurse hold me and he did stitches on my hand and it hurt a lot. He lied to me and mommy lied again. She said don't tell that daddy cut me with the glass cause I spilled my milk. She said daddy wouldn't get mad if I didn't tell. Daddy punished me when I got home anyway. Mommy went upstairs and let daddy punish me. She always lies to me."

"Andy I'm not lying to you. You'll see after it's over that it doesn't hurt much. Now come on. Let me have your arm." Susannah reached for his arm again.

"Noooo!" Andy protested and tried to pull away.

They knew the more this dragged out the more frightened he was becoming. Sam quickly turned Andy around so that Andy was resting on his knees and sitting back on his heels. He and Sam were facing each other. Sam realized it was getting too easy to control Todd's body. He was just getting weaker every time he held him. Sam held Andy against his chest. He held on to him tightly, with his right arm and held Andy's right arm out for Susannah to inject him, with his left. Andy's chin rested on Sam's shoulder. Viki held on to Andy's left arm. Susannah quickly swabbed the skin over his deltoid muscle and injected him. Andy's cries got louder when he felt the stick.

"That's it. It's all over," Sam informed Andy as he gently rubbed Andy's back.

"Baby, Doctor Hanen is finished. You're not going to be stuck anymore," Viki assured him. She kissed the back of the hand she was holding.

"No more?" Andy whimpered, tearfully.

"Nope, that's it pal. No more shots."

Andy held on to Sam. He turned his face around and rested his cheek against Sam's shoulder. Sam rubbed his back. "See bud, no one lied to you. It only hurt a little. Right?" Sam reminded him and kissed the top of his head.

Andy nodded without removing his cheek from Sam's shoulder. Andy noticed Bill standing near the door. "Who's that?" he pointed to Bill.

Susannah waved Bill closer. "Andy this is Mr. Jackson."

"My shoulder got cut. I got a Barney Rubble bandage, see!" Andy looked up at Bill and showed off his bandage. His long dark blond eyelashes were still wet with tears. He pointed to his shoulder.

"I see! That's a very good-looking bandage. I'm sorry you got hurt, Andy," Bill added.

"That's okay, I get hurt a lot. I'm not clumsy! I'm not and I'm not gonna say I am!" Andy suddenly sounded angry.

"Who tells you to say you're clumsy?" Susannah asked.

"Mommy! She says I have to say I fell down cause I'm clumsy. I'm not! I can run good and throw a ball good. I can climb my tree all the way up. I can ride my bicycle real fast. But I can't do wheelies like Thomas yet. He can do them real good."

"Well, I'll bet someday you'll be able to do them too," Bill encouraged him.

"I can already ride real fast. Someday I'm gonna ride all the way to the moon and then mommy'll be sorry she lied to me all the time. But I don't want to leave Timmy and Randy, I'll take them too." Andy looked directly into Bill's eyes and asked. "Do you have a dog?"

"No, but my son does," Bill replied.

"Then how come you don't?" Andy didn't understand.

"My son doesn't live with me all the time. He lives with his mother half the time, but when he comes to see me he brings Patches with him," Bill explained.

"You let your son live with his mommy?" Andy was shocked.

"He lives with her half the time and with me half the time."

"I'm gonna live with Viki when Todd gets better. She's my biggest sister." Andy pointed to Viki.

Bill laughed and asked Andy, "would you like to see a picture of Patches?"

Andy nodded enthusiastically.

Bill took out his wallet and showed Andy a picture of a large, shorthaired, tan dog. Standing next to him was a little boy.

"Is that your little boy?"

"Sure is, that's Josh. He's eight," Bill stated.

"I'm six. I'm in first grade and I can read and write and do numbers. I can do the alphabet backwards. Wanna hear?"

"Yes! I would like to hear you do that very much," Bill said and smiled at this lovable little boy.

Andy took a deep breath and quickly went from Z to A.

"That is very good!" Bill exclaimed and applauded.

"I can play baseball real good too," Andy informed him.

Bill loved seeing the gigantic smile on Andy's face. Bill looked toward Sam and Viki. He could see the love and pride for this child shining in their faces.

"Do you like your little boy?" Andy asked Bill.

"I love him very much," Bill confirmed.

"My daddy don't like me too much. Only sometimes, when I'm a good boy. He only likes me. I'm glad Timmy don't have to let daddy like him."

"Andy, why are you glad Timmy doesn't have to let daddy like him?" Susannah asked.

"I don't want Timmy to have to get sent away. I don't want mommy to hate Timmy," Andy admitted sadly.

"Why would mommy hate Timmy?" Susannah pressed.

"They got a trains and a real big track here. Did you see the trains?" Andy asked Bill. They knew he was changing the subject.

"No, I haven't," Bill answered.

Andy looked up at Susannah. "Can I take him to see the trains?"

"Andy, don't you want your ice cream?" Viki held the slightly melted ice cream cup out to him.

"Oh yeah, I forgot." Andy reached for the ice cream. Andy held the cup out to Bill. "You want some?"

"Oh thank you Andy, but I just had lunch," Bill responded.

Andy turned to Sam. "I won't get punished if I drip it on me, right?"

"No Andy, you won't get punished for anything. I promise," Sam assured him.

"Do you want me to show you the trains after I finish my ice cream?" Andy asked Bill.

"I sure would. If it's all right with Doctor Hanen?" Bill and Andy looked towards Susannah.

"Is it okay," Andy asked Susannah.

"Sure it is sweetheart. I think it would be a good idea if you got washed and dressed first. Okay?"

"Okay," Andy agreed readily.

"I'll get Frank as soon as you finish your ice cream," Susannah informed him.

"No! I want Sam to wash and dress me," Andy protested.

They all realized that Andy was still afraid of Frank touching him.

"Sure pal. I'll get you cleaned up and dressed, Sam agreed.

Viki and Sam stayed in Todd's room and Susannah went with Andy and Bill. Andy took Bill's hand and walked him to the playroom. Bill noticed that Susannah held on to Andy's other arm to support him as they walked. Even with that, he seemed unsteady on his feet.

When they got to the playroom Andy showed Bill some blocks and stuffed animals and toy cars. "Timmy likes these. Do you know Timmy?" Andy wanted to know.

"No Andy, I don't." Bill confessed.

"Timmy lives in here." Andy patted his chest, remembering what Susannah had told him. He then showed Bill the trains.

They played with them for about half an hour. Then Andy started to question Bill again. He was obviously intrigued with a man who was not only being kind and attentive to him, but who allowed his children to live alone with their mother.

"Does your little boy like to play baseball?"

"He sure does," Bill answered.

"I play real good and I once hit the ball real far and daddy smiled at me. I hit it good a lot but sometimes I miss." Andy hung his head down.

"Andy, everyone misses the ball sometimes," Bill consoled him and patted Andy's back.

"Does your little boy ever miss?"

"Sure he does," Bill firmly admitted.

"Is that because he's a clumsy little bastard?" Andy asked innocently.

Susannah could see that Bill was shocked, not by Andy's words but by his tone. He asked it as if every child in the world was told that.

"Andy, no daddy should ever say that to his little boy. I'm sorry if your daddy said that to you." Bill's heart breaking for this child.

Suddenly Andy stood up and kicked the trains and yelled, "I'M NOT CLUMSY! I'M NOT!"

"No Andy of course you're not," Susannah assured him. She rushed over to him and put her arms around him as she saw him start to topple from dizziness.

Bill knew that two of the techs had discreetly followed behind them as they had walked to the playroom and stationed themselves outside. He wondered if Susannah was going to get them.

Andy leaned into Susannah for a minute. "I want my tree," he whimpered softly. The dizziness passed and Andy turned to Bill and told him, "I have the biggest tree in the whole world. It goes all the way up to the sky. I can climb it real high and no one can see me. Sometimes I take Timmy to the tree but he's afraid to climb up. He sits underneath it and I talk to him. I told him when he's as big as me he'll be able to climb up too."

"Andy, that was very kind of you to encourage Timmy that way," Susannah praised him as she stroked his head.

"I love Timmy," Andy declared. He turned to Bill again. "I can almost touch the sky when I'm up in my tree. Mommy says that's where God lives. She says God loves us. Mommy always lies to me." Andy was getting angry again.

"Sweetheart don't you think God loves you?" Susannah asked gently.

"God thinks I'm a bad boy and punishes me. He thinks we're all bad. He lets everyone get hurt. Daddy once heard mommy tell us God loves us and he laughed and said 'how could God love his biggest mistake.' So he can't love us. We're a mistake. Why can't I go to my tree now?" Andy started to cry.

Susannah lifted his tear stained face by the chin. "Andy, I'm sorry sweetheart. Your tree is very far from here and you know you need to stay here because Todd's is still sick."

Andy sat back down on the floor in a cross-legged position. He covered his eyes with his hands and put his head in his lap, and continued to weep.

"Andy what is it?" Sweetheart tell me?" Susannah coaxed. She knelt down and hugged him.

"Daddy's gonna kill me. He won't let mommy take me. I'm scared," he whispered. Susannah felt his body stiffen.

"Viki?" Todd asked. He felt himself in someone's arms.

"No Todd, its Doctor Hanen.

Todd quickly pulled away. "Where's Viki?" He cried out. He began feeling the air and floor around him in an effort to orient himself to where he was. Panic started to overwhelm him.

"Todd, it's all right. You're in the playroom. You're sitting on the floor. Viki and Sam are waiting in your room for you. I'll take you to them right now." Susannah spoke softly and slowly. She was trying to stave off another episode.

"Viki is really there?" Todd asked as if he didn't believe it.

"Yes, Todd I promise you. Viki is in your room. Come on now, let me help you up and we'll go to Viki."

Susannah motioned to Bill to say quiet. She knew a stranger in the room would terrify him. Susannah took Todd's arm and helped him up. Bill watched as Todd felt his way along as Susannah led him out the door. Bill shook his head and thought, 'my God, what kind of monster was Peter Manning.'

Viki realized it was Todd as soon as Susannah led him into the room. "Todd, I'm right here, baby. Both Sam and I are here."

"Viki, Viki," Todd called. He reached out for her.

Viki took him in her arms. Todd held on tightly. "I'm so tired," he whispered.

"Todd, would you like to lie down for a while?" Susannah suggested. She knew his body needed the rest and it was almost time for a feeding.

"Viki?" Todd held on to her. He didn't know if he should say yes or not.

"It's all right sweetheart. You can rest. I'll stay with you. I won't leave. I promise." Viki had to reassure him of this several times before he let go of her.

Todd allowed them to put him to bed. He held on to Viki's hand and said, "I love you Mama," and he fell asleep.

"I love you too baby," Viki whispered and kissed his forehead.

Bill was waiting in a chair, in the lounge near Todd's room. Susannah came out of the room and sat down heavily in the chair next to him. "I guess you've had quite the introduction to Todd," Susannah commented.

"Is he all right?" Bill was very concerned.

"He's asleep. Even in his sleep, he's holding onto to Viki's hand for dear life. He thinks she's his mama."

Bill could see that Susannah was tired. He wondered how she could manage this day after day. He knew the things Andy said and the look in his eyes would haunt him for a very long time, maybe forever. "The difference was startling," he remarked.

"What do you mean?" Susannah asked, her brain slowed slightly by fatigue.

"When Todd came out. Everything changed. His voice, his body language, even his face. I've never seen anything like it. He is totally blind, isn't he?"

"Yes, all Todd sees is darkness," Susannah confirmed.

"He would really rather stay like that than remember what happened to Michelle?" Bill couldn't fathom this.

"He doesn't want to Bill, he has no choice. His mind cannot handle that memory or the guilt he feels for having survived that night. Not yet anyway. Todd is terrified of the dark and the helplessness of being blind. Yet it is preferable to him than thinking about that night or feeling that need to be punished for what happened to Michelle."

"All those things Andy was saying, what did he mean?"

"I'm really not sure yet. He has said those same things many times. I don't know what he means when he says 'I'm daddy's good boy,' or when he says his mother hates him. As far as I know Barbara Manning loved all of them. She was just too weak and frightened to help them. She may have had her own dissociative disorder. She was an alcoholic. She encouraged all of them to let the father do whatever he wanted to avoid further punishment and to pretend to be somewhere else while they were being abused. Perhaps that's what she did herself? In her own twisted way she was trying to help them. She would lie to them and Andy is very angry about that. She would tell him that if he cooperated with Peter she would stay in his room after he fell asleep and she would protect him. Then once he fell asleep she would leave and Peter would come in to sexually and physically abuse him."

Bill shook his head. He felt a lump in his throat. "No wonder he's angry with her," Bill declared.

Andy may be one of the only alters who can feel anger towards her. Thomas, an eight-year-old is very angry with the father, but adores the mother. He will not allow himself to feel anger. Braver, one of the boy twins, seemed to show some anger then quickly felt guilty about 'upsetting mommy.' Something or someone made Andy go inside and hide and not come out for many years. There may be a gatekeeper. I don't know. Timmy mentions that 'daddy killded Andy,' as he says. Miss Perkins becomes uncomfortable and goes away when I bring him up. Now today Andy brought it up for the first time, He said he was scared because 'daddy's gonna kill him because he won't let mommy take him.'"

"Do you have any idea what he meant by that?" Bill pressed.

"No, I don't. I may try to hypnotize him the next time he's out. That should make it easier for him to talk about it. It may also help to retrieve any memories he's buried. The problem is I have to be very careful not to get them to upset. Most of them will relive the incident and Todd's body is just not strong enough to go through those traumas, over and over again." Susannah, didn't know if it was exhaustion or being able to talk to someone who wasn't emotionally tied to Todd, but she realized she found herself saying more to Bill then she ever intended to. She was nearly certain she could trust him. Today had been a hard day and she was grateful for his company.

Susannah was already sure of the answer but she needed to ask, "so Commissioner, what is your impression of Todd? Do you think, at age fourteen, he picked up a bat and bashed in his best friend's skull in cold blood, or in an attempt to protect the father who had just beaten, burned, and raped him, and raped Michelle?"

Bill looked her in the eye. "Susannah I have come across people that you would never in a million years think would have committed a crime. They seemed like choirboys. Yet they were killers. Some out of anger, some out of fear, some for money and some for passion. I did think it was possible that at the moment, when Todd realized Michelle had the power to send his father to prison and to take away the only parent he had, he could have panicked and killed her. Or perhaps he did it on Peter's orders."

"And now, do you still think that?" Susannah hoped she hadn't misjudged Bill."

"No," he replied firmly as he shook his head. "I consider myself to be a good judge of people and I do not think that child is capable of murdering his friend for any reason. I'm not just talking about Andy; I'm talking about Todd too. He seems to be as much a child as the rest of them. And Susannah, in case you're wondering, I know about Todd's past. I know about the rape and that a man died after getting into a fight with Todd. I even know that he was a suspect in the bombing of a yacht."

"You did your homework," Susannah acknowledged with a slight nervous edge to her voice.

"I tell you that because I don't want you wondering if I'll change my mind about Todd once I find those things out. Knowing all that, I still do not believe this kid could have killed Michelle. I realize you wanted me to meet the Baby and Andy so I could see for myself that these helpless children couldn't have done it," Bill said, smiling.

Susannah smiled back, realizing she had been caught in the act. "And here I thought I'd pulled one over on you," she confessed.

"Well in a way you did. I came here today not one hundred percent sure that Todd didn't do it," Bill admitted.

"And now you are?" Susannah asked.

"Now I am. Do you always go above and beyond for all your patients?"

"No, not like this," Susannah answered in her usual honest fashion.

"He really gets to you doesn't he?" Bill observed.

Tears came to Susannah's eyes and she nodded yes. "Do you think it's unprofessional of me?" Susannah asked. This was the first time Susannah had ever asked anyone that or even said it out loud.

Bill sighed and began to tell Susannah a story from his past. "I knew this kid once, Jeremy, a seventeen year old. Came from the projects. In and out of trouble his whole life. He was involved in holding up a convenience store. The guy behind the counter was shot to death. He left behind a wife and five kids. Everyone was screaming for this kid's blood, the DA, the media, the press, everyone. My gut told me to believe him when he said he didn't do it. He said he was just driving the car and his friends told him they were going in for beer. When they came running out and told him to take off, he did. He knew then that something bad must have happened inside, but he drove that car away as fast as he could. Yes, he panicked, but I knew he was no killer. I bent, broke and twisted many a law to try to help that kid. All I knew was that I didn't want him doing hard time and blowing what little chance he had for a future. Was that unprofessional? Most would say yes. Would I do it over again? You bet!" Bill declared firmly.

"What happened to the boy?" Susannah inquired.

"He went to a juvenile facility. He finished high school. He's going to graduate law school next year. He just need to know that someone was there for him. His father was long gone and his mother was a drug addict. He never had unconditional love. I gave it to him. Tough love, but it was unconditional. He knew I believed in him and he knew I put my career on the line for him. No one had ever done that for him. It turned him around. Sometime following the rules and doing things the way they taught us to in school is not the best thing to do. Not for us and not for the Todds and Jeremys in this world."

Susannah looked into Bill's eyes for a moment. She knew she didn't have to say anything.

"So what time do they let you out for dinner?" Bill asked.

Susannah laughed and said, "Todd kind of sets my schedule."

"Do they have any really good Chinese take out in this town? I mean really good. Be careful because I tend to judge a town by the quality of its Chinese take out."

"There is a place on Eleventh and Race called 'The Palace of Wong' it's my favorite. The beef and broccoli is especially good," Susannah felt hunger pangs just thinking about it.

"All right Doctor Hanen. I'm going to hold you to that. So what would be a good time for me to bring this feast I'm planning on buying to your office? I am assuming that you will be working past dinner and that you usually do."

Susannah couldn't help but smile at how well Bill already seemed to know her. "How about eight o'clock? Todd is given his nighttime meds between seven-thirty and eight. It usually puts him to sleep for at least a few hours."

"Eight it is, and be warned, if the food is not up to my lofty standards it may permanently effect our relationship."

"I didn't know we had a relationship?" Susannah said, still smiling.

"Sure we do. So far it consists of you barking orders at me and me following them," Bill admitted as he headed for the doors and waited to be let out of the unit.

Todd stayed asleep for two hours. Viki was sitting by his bed and Sam was doing some paperwork in the chair when he woke up with a start, calling out, "Starr!"

"Todd, it's Viki. I'm right here sweetheart."

Todd sat up and reached for Viki's hand. "Viki, he's gonna hurt Starr. He's gonna hurt her because I love her. He's angry because I talk to Doctor Hanen. He hates me and he'll go after Strarr because he hates me."

"No Todd, no one will hurt Starr. She's safe," Viki tried to assure him.

"NO! You don't know him. He'll hurt anyone." Todd's expression turned from panic to fear. "There! Don't you hear him? He's laughing. He's laughing!" Todd covered his ears with his hands.

Carl alerted Connie and stepped into to Todd's room.

"He'll hurt Starr because she's little and helpless and she has no one to protect her. I've got to get to her," Todd cried out. He started to get out of the bed, just as Susannah, Connie and Dave came in.

Sam tried to comfort Todd. "Okay Todd, relax pal, Starr is fine," Sam gently pushed him back toward the bed.

Susannah motioned for the staff to hold back and allow Sam and Viki to try and handle this.

"Todd I swear to you Starr is safe," Viki stated firmly. She placed her hand on his shoulder.

"NO! Please, Viki, Sam let me go. Let me go!" Todd tried to pull free of them. He didn't have the strength. He sunk back to a sitting position on the bed and started to cry. "Why can't I do anything anymore? Why do I feel like this? I can't do anything! He knows it and that's why he knows he can hurt her. He knows I can't protect her," Todd continued to sob.

Susannah approached him slowly. "Todd it's Doctor Hanen, Todd listen to me. Starr is safe. She will not be hurt."

Todd gasped and covered his ears. "CAN'T YOU HEAR HIM! CAN'T YOU HEAR HIM! He put his head in his hands and cried out in pain. "Ohhhhhh! It's so loud. It's so loud! My head hurts. My head hurts. Why can't you hear him? He says you're lying. You're all lying to me. Starr's not safe. He's going after her." Todd tried to get up again. This time dizziness forced him to sit back down.

Seeing what was happening, Susannah pushed his head down to his lap. "Todd just relax. You're just having a dizzy spell. It will pass in a few minutes."

"I can't do anything anymore. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead!" he continued to sob to himself. When the voice became loud again Todd screamed, "OH GOD! PLEASE! MAKE HIM STOP! WHY IS HE DOING THIS TO ME?"

"Because he's a coward Todd. He's picking on someone who can't fight back. That is a coward," Susannah explained to him.

"HE'S LAUGHING. IT'S SO LOUD. I'M SCARED. I'M SCARED! OHHHHH, MAKE IT STOP!"

Sam's heart was being ripped out but he knew he had to stay strong. He put his arms around Todd. "Shhhh, Todd I'm right here. I know I let your father hurt you. Boomer, I swear I won't let this voice or anyone hurt you now. Not you or Starr."

Todd held on to Sam tightly and pleaded, "Sam, my head hurts so much. Make it stop. I can't stand it. Please, pleeeeease, he sobbed. He was gasping for breath. Todd's eyes went blank for a second.

He pushed Sam away. Looking Susannah in the eye, he boasted, "you see Doctor, you have no control over the situation. Did you really think you could insult me into stopping? Don't you know I can do anything I want to him, to all of them, even Pete. You have no power over me. I have all the power. You have none." He looked around the room. "None of you have any power over me. I just wanted you to know that. I can destroy him any time I want. You would all do well to remember that. You want him back? Here!"

"AAARRGGGHHHHH!" Todd shrieked, in pain. Before they could stop him, he got up and fell to his knees. "MAKE IT STOOOOOP! OH GOD! IT HURTS SO MUCH. MY HEAD FEELS LIKE IT'S GONNA EXPLODE. HELP ME! MAMA! MAMAAAAA! HEEEELP ME."

They could see he was having trouble breathing. His body was trembling convulsively. "MAMAAAA!" Todd continued to shriek. He lowered his head to his knees. "IT HURTS! IT HURRRRTS! I WANT MY MAMA. MAMA! IT HURTS! MAMA! I'LL BE GOOD. MAMA HELP ME! MAMA PLEASE IT HURTS SO MUCH. HELP ME! MAMA! MAAAAMMMMAAA PLEEEEESE!"

Viki got down on her knees and put her arms around him. She kissed his head and stroked it. "Shhhhhh, Todd mama's here. Mama's here."

Sam, Susannah and the staff exchanged looks. They knew Viki should not have done that.

Todd stopped screaming. "Mama? he asked weakly.

"Shhhhh, baby it's all right. I'm here. I won't let him hurt you."

Todd reached out a trembling hand trying to find her face. Viki took it and brought it to her cheek. He felt her face. A light none of them had ever seen shone in Todd's face. Fresh tears welled up in his unseeing eyes. "Mama! Oh mama you came back to me. You forgive me. Oh mama you do love me." Todd was crying. His voice was trembling. He curled up and put his head in Viki's lap. "Mama I'm sorry. I don't know what I did to make you go away. I promise I'll be good. I won't do it again mama. I promise. Please say you forgive me. Please say you won't leave me. Please mama, I'll be good."

"I won't leave you sweetheart. I'll never leave you. Never!" Viki swore. She bent down and kissed his head.

"Mama I'm so scared all the time. It's always so dark and cold and everything hurts. I can't remember what if feels like not to be in pain and not to be scared. I feel so sick all the time. Mama I can hardly walk anymore. Oh mama I missed you so much. Please don't go away again. It hurts so much when you go away."

Todd was calming down. As Viki stroked his head with one hand he held on to Viki's other hand.

"Mama, I love you," Todd professed with all his heart.

"Sweetheart, I love you so much. I love you more than anything, Todd. I love you baby," Viki's voice was soft and soothing.

"Mama," Todd whispered. He smiled and fell asleep.

Viki knew she shouldn't have done that. She also knew she had to do something. She could not let him suffer for one more second. Susannah told Dave and Carl get Todd into the bed. He was in such a deep sleep he didn't even feel them lifting him.

"Do you want us to undress him?" Dave asked.

"No, just cover him up. It's almost time for another feeding. It will be better if he sleeps through it," Susannah instructed.

Viki had gone outside. She was sitting on the couch in the lounge when Sam and Susannah came out.

"If you're waiting for me to say I'm sorry I did that, I'm not. He was in agony," Viki stated adamantly.

"Viki I can understand why you did that and I am relieved that it calmed him down, but what will happen when he wakes up and mama is gone again? You can't keep feeding his delusions," Susannah explained.

Viki started to cry. "I know that. Do you think I don't know that! My God, I feel like I'm his mother. I will not allow him to continue to suffer. If he needs that delusion now, why not just let him have it?"

"Viki, I think you know the answer to that. We can't help Todd with lies. He has to be able to accept the truth and the truth is that is mother left him and now she's dead and she can never come back to him."

"You allow the children their delusions. You allow them not to have to face the fact that their mother is dead. Why not Todd? Why not Todd?" Viki sobbed.

"Viki, you know that the situation is different. Todd lives with enough lies," Susannah tried to get Viki to understand.

"Susannah," Sam began, "I understand what you're saying. Would it really do so much harm to let him believe his mama is with him just for a little while, just until he's stronger? You saw how it calmed him. My God Susannah, he smiled! I can't remember the last time I saw Todd, himself, smile. Why can't you allow Viki to give him the mother he needs, here, in our world? Maybe then he wouldn't have to go away to be with a mother?"

Susannah would have given anything to be able to allow Todd to keep his "mother." She knew she had to do what was best for him and she tried again to get them to understand. "I truly understand what you are both saying and I do want Todd to consider Viki a mother figure to him and to allow her to nurture him as a mother would. However we can't help him by allowing him to believe that Viki is his mother. Then the fact that his mother really is dead and that she did desert him without ever coming back to him, as far as he knows, will be just one more thing he will have to come to grips with. Do you really want to add to the things he will have to remember in order to heal?"

"Susannah I know you're right. I just want him to have some peace. For God's sake, is that too much to give him? I just want him not to hurt so much. I may not have given birth to him, but in every way I consider myself to be his mother. How much of a lie is it? If it alleviates his pain, even if it's not completely the truth, why not let him have it? I can't see how allowing him to believe it, just until he's better able to cope with the truth, will cause more harm?" Viki pleaded.

Susannah had never seen Viki like this. She knew that Viki was at the end of her rope. She just couldn't stand by and watch Todd suffer any more. Susannah realized that Viki needed to be Todd's mother almost as much as he needed her to. She hated to say it, but she had to. What was best for Todd came first. "Viki, I'm sorry. You would not be helping Todd by pretending to be his mother."

"Look Susannah, you know that the court appointed me Todd's legal guardian. I think I have the right to act in a way a I deem fit."

In part, Sam agreed with Viki. Still, he knew Susannah was right. He also knew that Viki was not thinking with her head, but with her heart. He realized that right now she was beyond reasoning with. "Why don't we just drop it for now. Todd is asleep and he might not even remember any of this when he wakes up," Sam suggested.

Susannah looked at Viki's determined face and knew that Sam was right. It would be best to drop it for now.

Viki went to lay down in the lounge. She didn't sleep. She lay there thinking about how grateful she was that she had found a way to comfort Todd. Then she thought about what Susannah had said. She felt anger. 'He's not your child,' she thought. Then Susannah's words and the realization of the situation hit her. 'Dear Lord, he's not my child either. He's my blood, but I can't let him continue to believe I'm his mama. When he realizes I'm not he'll have to face the trauma of losing her all over again.' Viki turned over and wept into the pillow.

Unfortunately, Sam was wrong. When Todd woke up his first waking thought was that his mama forgave him and came back to him and that she really did love him.

Dave was outside the door and Sam was sitting with him. Sam noticed Todd's eyes were open, but he was not moving. "Hey pal, how are you feeling?"

"Where's mama?" Todd immediately asked.

Sam got a sinking feeling in his gut. "Mama's not here. Do you want me to get Viki for you?" Sam offered.

"No, I want mama. She was here." Todd's face took on that same light and he smiled again as he spoke to Sam about his mother. "Sam, she came back for me. She came back for me, Sam! She forgives me. Oh Sam, she forgives me. She doesn't think I'm bad anymore."

Todd's voice had a tone in it that Sam had never heard before. He then realized what it was, hope and happiness. Todd seemed at peace. Was Susannah right to deny him this temporary happiness, even if it is based on a lie? Or was Viki right when she let Todd believe his mama had come back to him?

"Mama," Todd called out again. He reached out for her. "Mama please come talk to me." When there was no response from his mother Todd's voice started to get it's usual panicky tone. "Sam, why won't she answer me! Why won't she take my hand! MAMA! MAMA!" Todd screamed.

"Todd listen to me. Mama isn't here now. She can't hear you," Sam didn't know what else to say.

Todd reached out for Sam's hand. "Sam! Did he come here? Did he hurt her!" Todd was now going into a full panic.

"Did who come here and hurt her?" Sam wasn't sure whom he meant.

"My dad. Sam did he hurt her? Did he hurt her!" Todd was squeezing Sam's hand with both of his.

Dave had alerted other staff members and stepped into the room as soon as he heard Todd's raised voice. For now he was allowing Sam to try to calm Todd.

"No, Todd calm down. Your dad wasn't here. He didn't hurt your mom. Take it easy pal. I'll get Viki and Doctor Hanen for you," Sam offered and placed his hand on Todd's shoulder.

Todd pulled away from him. "I don't want them. I want mama! She's here Sam why won't you get her for me?"

Sam heard hurt and fear in Todd's voice. Sam wondered if Todd thought he was deliberately keeping his mother from him?

Todd surprised them by getting off the bed on the opposite side from where Sam was standing. Carl and Dave quickly ran over to where Todd stood, on legs barely able to hold him up. They each took one of his arms as Dave announced who they were.

"Okay Todd, let's get you back to the bed or would you like to go to the chair?" Dave spoke gently, but firmly.

"NO! Todd screamed and tried to feel his way to the door.

Sam did not want to see Todd put in a hold or mechanically restrained. He approached Todd.

"Sam, I you need to leave the room now," Connie told him.

"No please. Please let me try to help him calm down." Sam insisted.

Connie nodded.

"Todd, come on pal. I was here with you. Todd your dad wasn't here. No one hurt your mom. I swear Boomer. No one hurt your mom. Let's just sit down and wait for Doctor Hanen and Viki.

"I WANT MY MOTHER!" Todd shrieked and tried to pull away from Dave and Carl. "Where's the door? I need to go find mama. Please help me find the door! Please! My mama's out there. I want my mama. Please! PLEASE!"

Todd's pleas were getting to everyone. Sam and the staff had tears in their eyes.

"Todd we know you want your mama. Right now you need to calm down and go back to bed. We're going to help you back to your bed," Dave spoke soothingly.

Susannah and Marcia rushed into the room. When Todd heard someone come in he screamed, "MAMA! MAMA! I'M HERE! MAMA! PLEASE! I'M OVER HERE! MAMA!"

Susannah took over verbal communication. "Todd, its Doctor Hanen. You need to calm down and then we can talk about your mother. You can tell me what you remember about mama."

"WHERE'S MAMA? SHE WAS HERE. SHE WAS HERE! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER! WHY ISN'T SHE HERE NOW!" Todd tried to pull away with all his might.

"You need to stop fighting us Todd. We're not going to hurt you." Susannah said calmly.

"NO! I'M GOING TO FIND MY MOTHER! GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

Susannah gave them all a silent signal and they backed Todd up to the wall and placed him in a full physical restraint.

"NO! STOOOOP! I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG. I JUST WANT TO FIND MY MOTHER. SHE WAS HERE. SAM TELL THEM! SHE WAS HERE! TELL THEM! TELL THEM! LET GO! I'M GOING TO FIND MAMA!" Todd continued to shriek.

Todd was getting very short of breath. Susannah gave Connie and order for a sedative.

"MAMAAAAA! MAMAAAAA! LET GO OF ME! MAMAAAAAA!" Todd's shrieks permeated the unit.

Viki was just heading back to Todd's room when she heard his piercing screams. She rushed to Todd's room and stood in the doorway. She was horrified to find Todd in a restraint and to hear what he was screaming.

"NO! NOOOOO! WHY WON'T YOU LET ME FIND MY MAMAAAA! PLEEEEASE! SHE WAS HERE. SHE CAME BACK FOR ME. SHE FORGIVES ME! SHE LOVES ME. SHE LOVES ME! SHE LOVES MEEEEE! LET ME FIND HER. OH GOOOOOD, I CAN'T LOSE HER AGAIN. LET GO OF MEEEEE! MAMA! MAMA! MAMAAAAAA!"

"Oh my God, what have I done?" Viki cried out. No one in the room had realized Viki was standing there. Before anyone had a chance to stop her Viki rushed over to Todd. "Todd, oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I wanted to help you."

"Viki, don't!" Susannah cautioned, but Viki didn't hear her.

Viki continued to confess to Todd. "Todd, I'm sorry. I told you I was mama because I wanted to help you calm down. I wanted to help you not be so afraid. Sweetheart I feel like I'm your mother. I love you as if you are my child. I would give anything to really be your mother. I'm sorry Todd. I was trying to help you."

For a moment Todd had a shocked look on his face. He seemed to be quieting down. Susannah whispered to Connie to hold off injecting the sedative.

"Liar!" Todd whispered.

"What?" Viki asked, not sure she heard him right.

"Liar! You're lying to me. Viki, why are you lying to me? Is my father making you? He's back. Is he making you lie to me?"

"Todd, I'm not lying to you. Sweetheart I did a terrible thing. I pretended I was mama. I was trying to help you but I shouldn't have done it. It made things worse for you."

"No! My mama came back for me. She forgives me," Todd whispered. Then with every bit of strength left in him he screamed, "LIAR! YOU'RE LYING TO ME VIKI. I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! YOU DON'T WANT ME TO BE WITH MAMA. YOU WANT TO KEEP ME AWAY FROM HER! I HATE YOU! YOU MADE HER LEAVE ME AGAIN. YOU TOLD HER I WAS BAD AND NOT WORTH LOVING AND NOW SHE LEFT AGAIN. SHE LEFT ME WITH HIM AGAIN. HE'S HERE AND SHE LEFT ME WITH HIM. MAMAAAAA! MAMAAAAA! PLEASE! I'LL BE GOOD! PLEASE I'LL DO ANYTHING. MAMA! MAMA! PLEEEEEEZE!" Todd shrieked like they had never heard him shriek before. It was as if they could hear his heart breaking. Using what little strength he had, he desperately tried to free himself from Dave and Carl, all the while continuing to scream for his mother.

Susannah gave the order to sedate him.

"NOOOOOO!" Todd shrieked as he felt them turn him and felt the stick of the injection.

Todd continued to scream. He was fighting the sedative. He was transported to his bed, which had been set up with restraints. He did not stop screaming for one-second. The powerful sedative was not even touching his despair. Viki made no attempt to go to Todd, even if they would allow her to.

Sam was allowed to stay in the room. Susannah had Sam try to talk him down again. It was of no use. Todd could not hear the words they said to soothe him. He was lost in his own agony. Twenty minutes had gone by and he had not calmed down in the slightest. He continued to shriek for his mother at the top of his lungs. His heart rate was 138. His pressure had gone up to two hundred over one hundred and ten. Susannah knew his body could not take any more. She ordered a second, even stronger, injection.

Viki could not cry. She was too stunned by the events of the day. She sat on the couch some distance away from Todd's room. His shrieks and cries filled the unit. She listened to Todd's screams for mama, as he continued to shriek, "VIKI, WHY ARE YOU LYING TO ME? MAMA DIDN'T GO AWAY. SHE LOVES ME! WHY DID YOU TELL HER I WAS BAD? WHYYYYY! MAMA! MAMAAAA PLEASE! COME BACK. I'M SORRYYYYY! MAMAAAAA!"

Viki knew she had done this to him. Her love had hurt him. Just like Barbara's had. Viki loved Todd more than anyone else on the face of the earth and she knew that she had hurt him so deeply that he might never be able to come back from it. "Todd, what have I done to you? Oh my sweet boy, what have I done? What have I done!" Viki whispered, to herself.

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