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"OOOOH! IT HURTS. DON'T TOUCH ME!" Jimmy shrieked. He backed away from Kevin.

Kevin realized this was no longer Timmy's voice. "Okay, take it easy. I won't come near you," Kevin promised and backed away.

Frank, Terry and Jeff rushed into the room when they heard Jimmy scream.

"NOOOOO! DON'T TOUCH ME! PLEASE! IT HURTS! DON'T TOUCH ME!"

"Jimmy." Susannah spoke calmly and slowly. "You need to calm down and stay safe. No one is going to touch you if you stay safe and don't hurt yourself. No one here wants to hurt you and I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"IT HURTS SO MUCH. IT NEVER STOPS. I WANT TO MAKE IT STOOOOP!" Jimmy continued to shriek. He backed himself away from where everyone stood.

"Jimmy, I know it hurts. We can make it stop. You don't have to hurt yourself to show us how much pain you're in. You don't have to hurt yourself to make it stop hurting. We can help you. I want you to try to calm down. Tell me what's hurting you." Susannah tried to get him to articulate his pain and not act out.

"Mama fell down. Mama fell down and died. I killed Mama. I KILLED MAMA! I want to be with her. I want to tell her not to be mad at me. I WANT TO BE WITH MAMA!" Jimmy screamed and headed for the window behind him. He threw the force of his whole body against the unbreakable glass. He managed to pound his head into it twice before Kevin and the staff grabbed him.

Kevin was surprised at how difficult it was to pull Todd's weakened body away from the window. Jimmy's grief and desire to get out the window pumped his body full of adrenaline and gave him the strength Todd's body lacked.

Sam, Tea, Viki and Bo heard the commotion and came running to Todd's room. They had managed to pull Jimmy away from the window by the time they all got there.

Jimmy was screaming and wailing in pain. "NO DON'T! OOOOH IT HURTS. NOOOO! DON'T TOUCH ME IT HURTS! PLEASE! OOOOH! PLEASE JUST LET ME DIE! I DON'T WANT TO BE ALIVE ANYMORE. PLEASE! LET ME BE WITH MAMA. I WANT HER TO FORGIVE ME! I WANT TO BE WITH MAMAAAA."

"Jimmy, we will let you go if you calm down. I promise no one will hurt you. We are giving you one more chance to calm down. If you can't we will have to hold you and give you some medication to help you calm down." Susannah gave him this opportunity to de-escalate.

"LET GO! I HAVE TO DIE! IT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN SEE MY MAMA! I KILLED MY MAMA! I HAVE TO TELL HER I'M SORRY! SHE FELL DOWN! I DIDN'T HELP HER! LET GO! MAMA! MAMA!" Jimmy was still fighting with all his might. He was beyond hearing them and beyond being able to calm on his own.

They continued their hold on Jimmy. Susannah asked everyone to stay out of the room for now. Terry had gotten a sedative Susannah ordered. She quickly injected it into the hep lock still in Todd's arm.

The effect was instantaneous. Jimmy started to calm down. They moved him to the bed. His body was completely limp. Jimmy was moaning softly.

"Do you want him restrained?" Terry asked.

Susannah checked him. "No, he's almost out. I don't want to traumatize him further."

Jimmy's breathing slowed and he was quietly calling out to his mother. "Jimmy, I'm sorry we had to touch you. We needed to keep you safe. No one will touch you now. I want you to try and sleep," Susannah spoke soothingly to him.

"I killed mama," he whispered weakly, as tears trickled down his cheeks.

"No, Jimmy, you didn't kill mama. Mama died because her liver was sick. You didn't kill her. Shhhh, it's time to sleep. Close your eyes now and try to sleep." Susannah's voice was soft and comforting.

Finally, Jimmy's eyes closed. Susannah waited to make sure he was asleep. She then had Terry take his vital signs while she checked his hands. They were bruised from his banging them against the window. His forehead was also slightly bruised.

"Do you want me to call x-ray?" Terry asked.

"No, there's no swelling. Nothing seems to be broken. There's no nausea and his pupils are equal and reactive. Let's just let him sleep. I don't want to have to give him any additional medication if I don't have to."

Kevin had gone into the lounge with the rest of them when Susannah asked them to leave the room. Kevin was pacing nervously.

Viki stepped in front of him. "Honey stop! Why don't you come sit down with the rest of us?"

"Mom! I did something to Timmy. I hurt him in some way. I don't know what I did. I don't know what happened. One minute Timmy was showing me a picture he drew and the next thing I know this other alter came out, Jimmy, Susannah called him and he was screaming in terror for me not to touch him. He was screaming that his mama died because of him and that it hurt to be touched. I don't know what I did! I don't know what set him off?" They could see that Kevin was distraught. He blamed himself. He thought he had somehow hurt Timmy.

Viki was about to comfort her son when Sam stepped over to Kevin. He put his arm around Kevin's shoulder and said, "Kevin, you didn't do anything wrong. This just happens sometimes. Something triggers a memory or an emotion and Todd switches. It has happened when he was with me and with your mother and even with Susannah. It isn't anything you did."

Viki knew that coming from Sam this assurance would mean more than coming from her. Kevin knew that Sam would be the first to tell him if he had done something to hurt Todd.

Susannah came out of Todd's room and headed for them. "Jeff is with him. Jimmy's asleep. He didn't injure himself, too badly. He just has a few bruises on his hands and forehead. Todd's body is too weak for him to have used as much force as he did. It wore him out. Between that and the medication, he should be asleep for the night."

Susannah turned to Kevin and asked, "Are you all right?"

"Kevin is blaming himself," Viki spoke up knowing Kevin wouldn't say anything.

Susannah told him almost exactly what Sam told him. She then explained to him, "It was probably seeing the picture fall. Todd's mother tried to see him the day before she died. Todd's father refused. He was verbally abusive to her and then threw her out of the house and caused her to fall. Jimmy came out and saw this. He has blamed himself ever since."

Kevin, who knew nothing about this, was left with a shocked look on his face. "Todd once said the last time he saw his mother was when he was ten but didn't she die when he was fourteen?" Kevin stated with a puzzled look on his face.

"Todd doesn't remember any of it. He went inside and Jimmy came out," Susannah informed him.

Bo shook his head and said nothing. He could not imagine how a child could have lived through the kind of life Todd had.

Tea's head was throbbing. Even though she knew about Jimmy and about Todd's mother, she was still horrified by what she had seen tonight. It seemed there was no end to Todd's suffering.

"Bo," Tea asked. "Would you mind taking me home? My head is throbbing and I don't think I should be driving." Tea turned to Viki and requested, "Give him a kiss for me, okay?" Viki kissed Tea on the cheek and nodded.

"Kevin do you need a lift?" Bo offered.

"No, thanks. I have my car and I want to stick around for a few minutes."

Bo and Tea headed for the doors and waited to be let out. Kevin turned to Susannah and asked, "Are you still planning to put the tube in at ten tomorrow?"

"Yes, I'm not sure if Timmy will be out," Susannah replied.

Kevin gave Susannah his cell-phone number. Before he left he checked with Susannah once more. "If Timmy is out, you call me, okay?"

"I will. Thank you, Kevin."

"Yeah," Kevin said sadly. He turned to Viki. "Mom, I never realized how hard this has to be for you. I mean to see him like that." Kevin kissed Viki on the cheek. He patted Sam's shoulder and said, "Take care of her."

"You got it," Sam replied.

Kevin left. Susannah went back in to Todd's room. She checked Jimmy again. He was in a deep sleep. She headed back to Viki and Sam. "Most likely he'll be out for the night. Why don't you and Sam go get some rest and then some dinner? I'll be here for a few more hours and Jeff will be sitting with him until the evening shift comes in."

Sam and Viki exchanged looks. Viki nodded in agreement. "All right, but no further than the cafeteria and I want to stay with him tonight," Viki said firmly. Sam and Susannah knew better than to argue with her.

Susannah's prediction was correct. Todd's body stayed asleep for the night. Both Sam and Viki ended up staying the night. Not only because Jimmy had come out but because Timmy was going to have the endoscopy and the feeding tube was going to put back in.

****************************

It was Timmy who woke up a little before seven. He was still a little groggy so Sam, who was sitting with him while Viki had run home to shower and change, told him he had to stay in bed a little longer.

"Where's Kevin?" Timmy asked in a confused tone.

"Well I guess Kevin is home now, pal," Sam answered.

"He was just here. Where's Mr. Panda?"

Sam realized that Timmy had gone away so suddenly yesterday that he didn't realize what had happened. He thought it was the same moment.

"Timmy, that was yesterday. Kevin came to see you and then he went home." Sam could see that Timmy was confused and disappointed.

"I can get Mr. Panda for you," Sam offered.

"Can you get Mr. Rabbit, too? They're bestest friends."

Sam gave Timmy his toys. He asked Frank if he would please bring the TV into Todd's room. Sam put one of Timmy's favorite Pooh videotapes on for him.

Nancy came in near eight. She explained to Sam that Timmy needed to put on a hospital gown for the procedure so they wouldn't be getting him dressed this morning. They would just be helping him wash.

Timmy was feeling more alert by the time Frank came in so Frank helped him to the bathroom to get cleaned up and into the gown. Timmy asked why he didn't get to wear his regular clothes. Frank knew Susannah wouldn't want him to discuss the procedure with Timmy at this point, so he said, "I thought you'd be comfortable in this."

Timmy seemed to accept that and shrugged, "Okay."

Timmy was n.p.o. so he wasn't allowed anything by mouth. No breakfast was brought to him and Sam and Viki had been told not to give him anything to drink.

Viki came in while Timmy was getting washed. She was relieved that it was Timmy and not Jimmy who woke up.

Susannah came in at eight-thirty. She examined Timmy, playing the stethoscope game with him and his two stuffed friends. She then went to the nurses' station and called Kevin. She told him, that as of now, Timmy was out and that the procedure was still scheduled for ten. Kevin said he would be there soon. Susannah told Viki and Sam that Kevin was on his way.

Timmy was playing Chutes and Ladders with Sam when Kevin arrived. "KEVIN!" Timmy shouted with delight and reached up for a hug.

Kevin hugged Timmy. He then patted him on the back and asked, "How's my bestest buddy today?"

"Okay, do you want to play with us?"

Kevin played Chutes and Ladders with Timmy and Sam until Timmy became bored with it. Timmy took Kevin's hand and brought him over to the bed where Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Panda were. He told Kevin that they were now the bestest friends, too.

"I have a new puzzle that Tea got me." Timmy took Kevin by the hand again and took him to the shelf where the puzzle was. He got the puzzle and then, still holding onto Kevin's hand, he walked him over to the spot on the floor where he wanted to sit down to do the puzzle. Kevin and Timmy both sat down and began the puzzle.

"Do you know Tea?" Timmy asked Kevin.

"I sure do know Tea," Kevin answered.

"She's nice and she's pretty. She has toys that live with her grandma and she's gonna give me one. Do you have a grandma?" Timmy inquired.

"I don't have an actual grandma but a very nice woman named Renee is like my grandma. Do you know Renee?" Kevin asked.

Timmy shook his head and patiently explained, "I don't have a grandma. I have two grandpas. Grandpa Tom is my mommy's daddy and Grandpa Ed is my daddy's daddy. Then Timmy whispered. "I think daddy is 'fraid of Grandpa Ed. I never seen daddy 'fraid of no one before."

Sam, Viki and Susannah looked at each other. This was the first mention of any grandparents.

Kevin didn't know if he should continue to encourage Timmy to talk about this. He didn't want a repeat of what happened yesterday. He looked toward Susannah. She motioned for him to continue.

Timmy started to tremble. Kevin put his arm around Timmy's shoulder. "What is it buddy? What's the matter?"

"Daddy gets real mad after Grandpa Ed leaves. I don't like it when Grandpa Ed comes."

"Does Grandpa Ed come to your house a lot?" Kevin pressed.

Timmy shook his head, and replied, "Grandpa Ed lives far away. I forgot where but it's real warm and they have dolphins that jump in the air. Daddy has to call grandpa "Sir". I get to call him grandpa. Mommy calls him Ed. I don't like to play with grandpa. Mommy don't like him either. Daddy's meaner to her before grandpa comes and after he goes home."

Suddenly Timmy put his head on Kevin's shoulder and held on to him. "I'm scared when daddy gets extra mean," Timmy whispered.

"Timmy," Kevin began. He rubbed Timmy's back. "I told you I would never let anyone hurt my bestest friend in the whole world and that includes your daddy. Hey buddy, you have all of us here to protect you."

This calmed Timmy down. He and Kevin continued playing with the puzzle.

Susannah looked at her watch. She saw that it almost time for Timmy to be taken downstairs. She knew that what Timmy had just told Kevin was very important. Grandpa Ed was probably a link in the chain of abuse. She would have to question them all about him.

"Timmy," Susannah said kneeling down and putting her arm around his shoulders. "Do you remember that when you first woke up, after being sick, you had a tube in your nose and I explained that it was to help you could get food into your tummy?"

Timmy shrugged, not really remembering.

Susannah knew he had probably been too sick then to remember much about it. "Well sweetie, you did, and it didn't hurt at all. You didn't even feel it. Timmy, we're going to have to put the tube back in so that . . ."

"Nooooo!" Timmy cried out. He grabbed on to Kevin.

"Sweetie," Susannah spoke tenderly as she rubbed Timmy's back, "I promise it won't hurt. You won't feel a thing. You'll be fast asleep."

"Nooooo, I don't wanna," Timmy cried. His face was pressed against Kevin's chest.

"Hey buddy," Kevin lifted Timmy's tearstained face up by the chin. "Do you think I would let them hurt my bestest friend. I spoke to Doctor Hanen and she promised me it won't hurt you at all. In fact it will be an adventure."

"What's a 'venture?" Timmy asked tearfully.

"That means you get to do something you never got to do before. Did you ever get to go downstairs on a gurney?"

"I don't think so," Timmy replied. He was starting to calm down.

"It's like a riiiide!" Kevin explained. He opened his eyes wide trying to make it sound exciting for Timmy. Kevin continued. "And then you get to ride in the elevator and get to see a whole new part of the hospital that you never saw before."

It did sound appealing to Timmy until he thought of something. "Will I be all alone?" Timmy's chin quivered.

"No way, buddy! I'll be with you and Sam and Viki and Doctor Hanen will all be with you."

"Can Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Panda come too?" Kevin looked up at Susannah. She nodded. "Sure they can come." Kevin agreed.

"Do I have to?" Timmy whimpered. He put his head back on Kevin's shoulder. He was still afraid.

"Yeah Timmy, you do. You want to get big and strong don't you?" Timmy nodded. "Well, Todd's body needs lots of food for that to happen and the food will go into the tube. So even when your tummy feels too bad to eat, the food will still be able to get in," Kevin explained. He stroked Timmy's head while he spoke.

They were all so grateful that Kevin seemed to be such a calming influence on Timmy.

Timmy turned to Susannah and asked, "Am I going to have to get a shot?"

"The medicine will go into the hep lock in your arm. You won't have to get stuck. Timmy, I promise it won't hurt. You'll be asleep, sweetie."

"What if I can't fall asleep? Then it'll hurt?"

"We're going to help you go to sleep. Timmy, I promise you'll be asleep. Now I want you to come climb into your bed because Terry is going to come in and connect the hep lock to an IV. That doesn't hurt. You won't get stuck," Susannah assured him.

Timmy looked up at Kevin.

"It's okay Timmy. Come on." Kevin held out his hand. Timmy took it and Kevin walked him to the bed. "You know what?" Kevin began. "I met a chicken on the way over here and he told me some brand new chicken jokes. Do you want to hear them?" Timmy nodded eagerly. "You get into bed and we'll get to those chicken jokes," Kevin instructed and made some chicken sounds.

Timmy convulsed into giggles. For the moment, he forgot his fears.

Kevin's jokes kept Timmy distracted while Terry set up the IV. When they came to take Timmy down, he became frightened all over again.

"Come on pal, Sam coaxed when Timmy tried to get out of the bed. "I thought you told Kevin you promised to take Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Panda for a ride on the gurney."

Timmy held on to Sam and whimpered, "I'm scared."

"Well," Kevin teased, "I guess if Timmy doesn't want to go then I'll just have to go exploring the other parts of the hospital myself."

"No, Kevin!" Timmy called and reaching out for Kevin. "I wanna go with you."

"Okay then. Come on. Let's get you up on here and off we go."

Kevin kept Timmy calm and interested in what he was seeing all the way down to the endoscopy room.

Susannah had explained to the gastroenterologist and the anesthesiologist that, in all likelihood, they would be dealing with a child and that at least one family member would have to accompany him in for the procedure.

Viki, Sam and Susannah decided that if Timmy was out, it would be best if Kevin went in with him. "Baby we'll be right out here waiting for you when you wake up," Viki promised him. She kissed his forehead.

"Kevin and Doctor Hanen will go in with you, okay pal?" Sam asked as he stroked Timmy's head.

"Can't you and Viki come, too?" Timmy chin was starting to quiver again as he asked them that. He was becoming frightened again.

"Sweetie, it's a small room. There's not enough room for everyone," Susannah explained.

"But Kevin can come for sure?"

"Absolutely sure," Susannah answered.

"I'm real cold" Timmy complained. His teeth were starting to chatter as they placed him on the table.

Susannah knew his body was used to the warm temperature in his room. "You'll warm up soon, sweetie." Susannah promised as she stroked his cheek.

"Hi, Timmy. My name is Doctor Lee," the anesthesiologist introduced herself. "I'm going to be putting some medicine into your IV that will make you start to feel sleepy, and . . . "

"KEVIN!" Timmy cried out. He sat up and held on to Kevin, "I don't want any medicine! I changed my mind. I want to go back to my room. I don't like it here. I'm scared!"

"I know you are, Timmy." Kevin acknowledged Timmy's fear as he gently laid him back down on the table.

"Noooo! I wanna stay with you," Timmy whimpered and struggled to get back up."

"I'm right here, Timmy. I'm staying right here with you."

"No! If I go to sleep, you'll go away and then it will hurt."

"Noooo. No, I promise. I'll be here with you the whole time you're sleeping and I'll be here when you wake up."

"You really promise?"

Kevin lifted Timmy's hand and asked, "Do you know what a pinkie promise is?" Timmy shook his head. Kevin intertwined his pinkie with Timmy's and tenderly explained to him, "These are special promises that can't be broken. Best friends can never go back on a pinkie promise and I promise to stay with you the whole time you're asleep and to be here when you wake up. I promise not to let anyone hurt you."

Timmy started to relax a little. He handed Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Panda to Kevin and asked, "Will you hold them so they won't be scared?"

Taking them Kevin promised, "You bet I will." Kevin held one up to each of his ears. "What's that? Oh okay. I'll tell him. Timmy, they want me to tell you that they are very proud of you and they love you very much." Once again, Kevin placed them next to his ears again and pretended to listen. "Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Panda said they'll be waiting right here for you with me."

Timmy was able to manage a small smile. He was considerably calmer. They hooked him up to a cardiac monitor and put a blood pressure cuff on him. They explained what they were going to do with each and every step.

"Timmy, I'm going to give you some sleep medicine now. I want you to start taking some deep breaths through your mouth," Doctor Lee instructed.

"I don't like medicine." Timmy started to cry and become frightened again. He rolled onto his side and put his index and middle finger in his mouth.

"Timmy I need you to lie on your back and take some deep breaths. Come on now, let's get you turned over," Doctor Lee spoke very gently to him. Still Timmy was afraid. He pulled his shoulder away from her touch.

"Hey, buddy," Kevin spoke soothingly as he slowly turned Timmy on his back. "I'll bet I can take a deeper breath than you can? Let's find out."

Kevin waited until he saw Doctor Lee inject the medication into Timmy's IV and then he took a deep breath. Timmy copied him. After three breaths, Timmy's eyes became glassy and unfocused. After five, they shut and Timmy was asleep. Doctor Lee checked his eyes and checked the monitors. They then rolled him onto his left side and were about to begin.

When told it was best if he waited outside Kevin refused. "I promised him I would stay here with him and I won't go back on my word."

Susannah told them she would take responsibility for Kevin being there. She did tell Kevin that they would have to wait on the other side of the room, so as to not be in the way.

The procedure went smoothly except for a minute when Timmy's blood pressure started to drop. The problem was quickly corrected, nonetheless, Kevin's heart stood still. He realized his feelings for Timmy were growing. For some strange reason all the paternal feelings he had kept bottled up all these years were being released by this young alter. Kevin knew in his heart that he would do anything to protect and help this child.

"Everything looks normal so far. No obstructions, no lesions, no ulcerations," Doctor Haber, the gastroenterologist, called over to Susannah. Then he said, "Nope nothing. I'm going to remove the scope and put in the NG tube."

This too went smoothly. Once the tube was checked for proper placement in the stomach Doctor Lee turned Timmy on his back and started to wake him up. Assuming it was still Timmy, she called out his name. "Timmy, Timmy, time to wake up now. Timmy." When he didn't respond to her, she motioned for Kevin and Susannah to come over.

"Timmy, come on buddy. Wake up. You're frightening Mr. Panda and Mr. Rabbit. Come on, Timmy," Kevin called to him.

Timmy's eyes slowly opened. He could hear and see Kevin but Kevin's face and voice were distorted. Everything seemed foreign and dark to him. He could make out the forms but everything was blurred and the voices, though familiar, seemed far away. He was afraid and called out for his mother. He loved Kevin and Susannah but Timmy was sick and afraid and wanted his mother. "Mommy, mommy," Timmy called out weakly.

"Mommy's not here now sweetie," Susannah let him know. She took his hand and stroked his hair back. "Kevin is here and Sam and Viki are right outside," Susannah continued, trying to comfort him.

"I want mommy," Timmy wailed. He turned on his side curled into a little ball.

"Hey Timmy! I have a couple of your friends here. They've been waiting for you to wake up," Kevin walked over to Timmy and held up his stuffed animals.

Timmy stared at him. "No! You're not Kevin," Timmy cried. He didn't believe the distorted figure in front of him was Kevin.

Susannah took Kevin aside and explained to him that the anesthesia had not completely worn off and Timmy's vision would be distorted for a while. She also explained that things might not seem quite real and also a little scary to him right now.

"Timmy, I know I look a little funny to you right now. It really is me, Kevin. I'm right here with Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Panda."

Timmy looked at him again. His shape was beginning to take a little more form. "Kevin?"

Kevin took Timmy's hand. "It's me, buddy."

"My throat hurts," Timmy whimpered.

"Timmy I know your throat hurts and it will feel better by tomorrow," Susannah assured him.

Kevin handed the stuffed animals to Timmy, who took them and cuddled them to him. Timmy looked up at Kevin. "Kevin, can you find my mommy. She's real far away so daddy can't hurt her. Maybe you can potect her like you potect Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Panda. I miss mommy so much."

There was nothing Kevin wouldn't do for Timmy if he could. Unfortunately, Timmy was asking for the one thing Kevin couldn't do. Kevin looked at Susannah. He didn't know what to say.

"Sweetie, we're not sure where your mommy is. Kevin would have no way of being able to find her," Susannah gently informed him.

Timmy stayed quiet. Big tears splashed down his cheeks. Kevin carefully lifted him up and hugged him. Kevin whispered, "Timmy, I'm sorry. If I could get your mommy for you, I would do it in a minute. I'm really sorry, buddy."

"Mommy's safe right? Sam says she's safe." Timmy wanted assurance.

"Your mommy's very safe Timmy. I promise nothing can hurt her anymore."

"That's good 'cause I love mommy so much." Timmy sighed and closed his eyes. Kevin slowly lowered him back down on the table. He kissed Timmy's head and whispered, "You have a good sleep, buddy."

Timmy stayed in recovery for ninety minutes. Susannah went out to let Viki and Sam know everything was fine and Timmy would be taken back to his room soon. He was still sleeping when they brought him back to his room.

"Does he know the feeding tube is in?" Sam asked.

"No, he wasn't aware of it. I will tell him about it when he is more alert. Timmy slept for another two hours. Sam was sitting next to Timmy's bed when he awoke. Timmy looked around. His vision had cleared and he realized he was in his own room.

"Hi, pal. How are you feeling?"

"I dreamed I was in this other place. It was scary! There was strange doctors there. I think Kevin and Doctor Hanen was there, too. I think."

They knew Timmy was confused. Susannah sat on the bed. "Timmy, you weren't dreaming, sweetie. We took you downstairs to have a feeding tube put in. Now you're back in your room and it's all over and you're safe."

Susannah lifted Timmy's hand. "Sweetie, I want you to feel the feeding tube so you won't be afraid if you find it's there later." Susannah took Timmy's fingers, brought them to his face, and lightly brushed them against the tube.

Timmy became frightened and wanted to pull it out. "No! Timmy don't pull on it. That's why I let you feel it. See, it's been there all along and you didn't even know it was there. Timmy, I want you to just leave it alone. It's not hurting is it?"

Timmy thought for a moment and then shook his head.

"Okay then, sweetie. I don't want you to touch it anymore. Will you promise me that, hmmm?"

Timmy held up his little finger. He intertwined it with Susannah's and said, "Pinkie promise, that's special."

Kevin smiled. He wasn't sure if Timmy remembered what happened before the procedure.

********************************

Timmy slept on and off for the rest of the day. Kevin didn't leave until the evening because every time Timmy woke up he called for him. Finally, Viki insisted he go home to have dinner with Cassie. She reminded him that Susannah told them once Timmy had his evening meds, he would sleep through the night anyway, and he did.

*****************************

It was Thomas who woke up the next morning. Sam had stayed the night. He explained about the feeding tube to Thomas and got him to agree not to disturb it.

"I hate Todd's body. I'm gonna try real hard to push out my own body and not use Todd's," Thomas announced angrily.

Sam realized how frustrating it must be for him, to believe he had a different, healthy, body and to be stuck in Todd's sick one.

"Can I go to the playroom?"

"Maybe later, bud. You have to wait for Doctor Hanen to come in and examine you to make sure it's okay for you to be out of bed"

"I never get to do what I want!" Thomas grumbled and turned over on his side turning his back to Sam. A few minutes later, Susannah came in. She saw Thomas laying on his side with his arms folded across each other.

"Thomas is angry with me this morning because I told him he couldn't go to the playroom yet because he had to wait to be examined first," Sam said out loud to let Thomas know that he apprised Susannah of the situation.

"Honey, I think another patient is scheduled to be in the playroom until eleven o'clock anyway."

"Can I go ride my bicycle?"

"No honey, I'm afraid you can't do that either."

"Because of Todd's dumb old sick body. Right! I hate his body. It always gets broken and hurt. His arm got broken and it hurt him but it didn't hurt me and I still had to wear a cast for a long time. It's not fair!"

"Honey, I agree with you. It's not fair. I know it must be frustrating for you to have to use a body that's hurt or sick and it must be hard for you to have to help Todd all the time," Susannah reflected and empathized.

"I'm gonna go away with mama and then I can do what I want."

"What things would you like to do if you were away with your mama?" Susannah asked.

Tom wouldn't respond. He turned away from Susannah, too.

Thomas refused to look at or talk to Susannah all the while she examined him. He wouldn't answer any of her questions. Frank and Carl came in to help Thomas get washed and dressed.

"Thomas is out today and he's feeling very angry." Susannah wanted them to know what they would be dealing with.

"Thomas, would you like to tell us why you're so angry today?" Carl asked.

Thomas folded his arms across his chest and refused to look at them or talk to them, either.

"Thomas, you need to get out of bed and get washed up and dressed," Frank spoke firmly.

Thomas ignored him. "Thomas, I remember you like blue clothes. We can get those if you like," Frank said more gently.

"NO! I don't want to. I wanna go ride my BICYCLE!" Thomas yelled.

"Come on, pal," Sam coaxed. He put his hand on Thomas's shoulder.

"NO! GO AWAY! I HATE YOU!" Thomas screamed at a stunned Sam.

Susannah knew that Thomas was angry and acting out. Even so, she could see his words cut deep into Sam. None of the alters, or Todd for that matter, had ever said that to Sam before.

"Guys, let's let it go for now. Come back in a couple of hours." Susannah ordered.

"Sure," they agreed. Carl turned to Thomas.

"Okay Thomas, if you change your mind and you want to get cleaned up and dressed, just call us."

Thomas didn't answer.

Susannah walked over to Sam. "You know he didn't mean it, Sam," Susannah whispered.

"I know," Sam replied, feeling a little embarrassed that he was so easily hurt by a child's angry remark.

Susannah pulled up a chair next to Thomas' bed. "I'll bet it feels pretty bad to have someone tell you can't do any of the things you like to do, hmmmm."

Thomas ignored her.

Susannah tried a different approach. "Honey can you tell us what we can do to try to help you not feel so angry?"

There was still no response from Thomas.

"Honey, the playroom will be available later. Do you think it might make you feel better if you passed the time by finding something in the toy box to play with or reading something or playing a game with us?"

Thomas picked up the pillow and pressed it on his ear. It was his message to Susannah that he was shutting her out.

Before Susannah had a chance to decide if she would just let him be angry for a while or try to talk to him some more, Viki came in. She could see by the expression on his face and the pillow pressed to the side of his head that it wasn't Timmy who was out.

"Thomas is not talking to us this morning. He's very angry," Susannah informed Viki.

"Thomas," Viki tried her luck as she walked over to him, "is there anything I can do to help you?"

For a moment, Thomas lay very still. Suddenly, he sat up and looked around, and then looked around again. He slowly got out of bed and looked around the room. He just looked at some objects and lightly brushing his hands over others. He kept looking to the left and then to the right, as if he were looking at something or someone. He then saw Viki.

"You promised us you'd take us with you. You promised us. Why did you lie to us?" He looked Viki in the eye.

They knew this wasn't Thomas' voice.

"Don't make mama feel bad! Don't make mama feel bad!" yet another new voice spoke out.

"I don't care. If you send us back, we'll run away again. Why can't we stay with you? We looked so hard for you mama. We heard the water and we found you. Why can't we stay with you?"

"It's 'cause he don't want us to. No one wants to be our daddy."

Then the first new voice started crying and begged, "Mama please! Don't be mad at us. Don't cry mama we'll go back."

A confused Susannah asked, "Can you tell us who's out?"

Todd's body stood perfectly still as it's inhabitants suddenly becoming aware of Susannah and Sam. One of them answered, "That was Scared."

"Scared? Is that his name?"

He nodded and told Susannah, "He's my twin brother."

"And what's your name?" Susannah asked.

"Braver."

"Scared and Braver," Susannah thought. "Can you tell me how you got your names?"

"Mama said to him, 'I know you're scared, Tom. I know you're always scared and I hate it. I'm sorry, darling. I wish it didn't have to be like this. You have to go back with daddy.' Then she said, 'you can do it, Tom. I can't take it anymore. You're braver than I am. Tom, I know you're braver. You're my brave boy. You can stand living with daddy. You have to go back. I can't keep you here. I want to, more than anything but I can't. You be my brave boy and go back. Don't do anything to make daddy punish us.' She sent us away. Todd walked all through the woods. He walked and walked until he found mama. We talked to him. We told him about the water. Mama let us stay with her for six days. We thought she'd let us stay forever. I'm brave. I have to go back and protect Scared and Todd."

Susannah noticed that Braver repeated what their mother had told him verbatim. It was as if his mother's words were burned into his brain. Susannah knew that he most likely heard them over and over again. She also knew that in so many ways the damage Barbara Manning did to the child she loved was as great as the damage Peter Manning did to the child he hated.

"Where was it that mama let you stay for six days?" Susannah pressed.

"The summer house. Mama's new husband had a summer house," Braver answered.

"Mama sent us away. We never saw her again. We made mama mad and she sent us away," Scared cried.

"How old was Todd when you went to the summer house?" Susannah asked gently. She saw both boys were getting upset but only Scared was crying.

"Ten," Braver answered.

"And how old are you?"

"Ten" Scared answered.

"Do you boys like to draw?" Susannah inquired.

"I like to. Scared draws better than me though."

"Can one of you or both of you draw a picture of yourselves for me?" Susannah requested.

"We can do it together. We usually do everything together," Braver informed Susannah.

Susannah borrowed some of Tom's sketch paper and crayons and placed them on the floor for them.

"We only need one piece of paper. We like to make one picture together," Braver explained.

"Is that all right with you too, Scared?" Susannah asked the quieter and meeker child.

"He don't like to talk too much. He don't want to get punished," Braver explained Scared's reluctance to talk.

The boys sat down and started to draw. They each took a crayon in their hand.

Sam watched in amazement as he saw "Todd" sitting there with a crayon in each hand. He was just as proficient drawing with his left hand as with his right.

This came as no surprise to Susannah and Viki. Susannah knew that very often DID patients were ambidextrous. Viki remembered that Tori was left handed, while she was not.

Braver and Scared worked as a team. Each coordinating his section of the drawing with the other. Handing each other the crayons and discussing it as they drew.

"No," Braver said, patiently. "You have to do the eyes. I can't do eyes as good as you."

When they were finished, they showed the picture to Susannah, Viki and Sam. On the page were two small boys with strawberry blond hair, blue eyes and freckles. One of the boy's face was partially covered as he stood behind the other.

"Can you each put your names next to the picture of you, so we know who's who?" Susannah suggested.

Braver went first. He took a crayon in his right hand and wrote "Braver" next to the boy up front. Then Scared took a crayon in his left and put his name next to the little boy hiding behind.

They all noticed that each boy's handwriting was different from the other. Scared's was carefully written in a delicate script. Braver's was casually written in block letters.

"You can keep the picture," Scared offered shyly.

"Thank you," Susannah said, then added, "you boys draw very well. I'd be honored to have this picture. I'll hang it in my office. Is that okay?"

They both nodded.

Susannah could see Braver, whom she noticed stood straighter and seemed taller than Scared, whisper to him.

"Scared was afraid daddy would see it. We have a whole bunch of pictures we drew for mama. We have them hidden so daddy won't find them."

"We have to protect mama," Scared admitted meekly.

"You won't show daddy the picture?" Braver asked nervously.

"No, I won't. I promise," Susannah assured them.

Scared started shaking his head, no. He whispered to Braver and Braver whispered back to him.

"He said, mama promised to take us with her and she lied."

"I'll never lie to you," Susannah promised and then cautiously she asked, "Can you tell me what happened after you got home from the summer house?"

Both boys froze for a second, when they heard Susannah's question. Then they held each other tightly. Sam and Viki stared in amazement as Todd stood there with is arms wrapped tightly around his torso. He began to pat his shoulders as Scared and Braver comforted each other.

"You can hide, Scared. I'll wait for daddy. Don't be afraid. We'll run away again. Mama don't have to want us. We'll run away by ourselves. Don't cry, Scared." They realized that Braver was trying to take care of Scared.

Suddenly Todd's body stood up straight and tall. He knelt down and in yet another voice, a mature male voice, spoke to Braver and Scared. "You both can go inside now. Don't be afraid. I'll take care of everything." He then straightened up again. "Doctor Hanen, I realize you're trying to help, but I can't have you upsetting the children like that."

They all realized that this was an adult, seemingly, a male. "Have we met before?" Susannah asked.

"No. I prefer not to come out if I don't have to."

"Can you tell me your name?" Susannah pressed.

"Goodone, the children call me papa."

Susannah sought more information. "Do you consider yourself to be the children's father?"

"I love them and I comfort them. I'm afraid though that once they are outside I can't always protect them. That breaks my heart."

"Do you consider yourself to be their father?" Susannah repeated.

"I am as close to one as they have. At least one who loves them."

"Are you a father to all of them?" Susannah continued her questions.

"I believe there are some I don't know. I protect the children that are mine."

So far Goodone seemed very calm and in control. There was an air of kindness and gentleness that exuded from him. He seemed honest and straightforward. Susannah went on with her questions.

"Goodone, do you know Miss Perkins?"

"No. I have heard one of the children mention her."

"Do you know Timmy?"

"No."

"What about Andy, Tom and Thomas?"

"I know Andy and Thomas."

"I see that you know the twins." Susannah stated.

"The boys and the girl twins. I know both. Carol is closer to the girls. Girls need their mother."

Susannah's mind was spinning, along with Sam and Viki's. Within the space of no more than twenty minutes they just discovered the existence of six more alters residing in Todd's body and mind.

"How old are the girls?" Susannah asked.

"Ten, they were born on the same day as Braver and Scared, only much later in the day. I really need to be going now, Doctor Hanen."

"Wait! Please, just a few more questions. All right?"

"All right," Goodone agreed.

"Do you know Todd?"

"Oh yes. Todd is in need of my comfort more than anyone. He allows me into his special place."

"Is that the place where Todd hides when he goes inside?" Susannah was hoping Goodone was her connection to Todd when he's inside. She didn't think Goodone was the gatekeeper. She did believe he was the primary internal self-helper.

"Doctor Hanen, how long do you think Todd and the children would trust me if I betrayed their secrets?"

"Goodone, you would not be betraying them. You would be helping them," Susannah explained.

"No, Doctor Hanen. Todd is terrified in your world. When he is with me he can rest and not be afraid. When he is out there, he knows hate and pain. He knows how touch can hurt. Physical touch and emotional touch. With me, there is no pain. There's no hate and no fear. Todd knows love, safety and peace. He is warm and happy. Why do you try to force him into your world?"

"Goodone, Todd belongs in my world. He is a human being and he belongs here. I am trying to make it safe for him. I am trying to show him that he is loved here. So many people love Todd very, very much. Todd's sister and Sam love him as if he were their child. They love him with all their heart. They would do anything for Todd. Todd's wife loves him. She would give anything to have him back in her life. Todd has a daughter who adores him and misses him very much. I would like you to help show Todd that it is safe to come out and that he doesn't have to hide to feel safe and loved."

"I'm sorry. I can't do that, Doctor Hanen."

"Goodone, can you tell me why you can't?" Susannah pressed.

"Because I don't believe that Todd would be safe and happy for long in your world. As soon as he begins to feel safe or happy, something hurts him. Todd once had six happy days in your world. He thought he had found safety. He believed it with all his heart, only to be crushed by it." Goodone shook his head as he spoke. "No, I am sorry. I must do what I feel is best for Todd and the children. I must try to keep Todd with me. He feels my arms around him and he knows he's safe. He sees my hands and he knows they will never hurt him. He hears my voice and he knows I will never make him hate himself. He sees my eyes and he knows I love him and I will never leave him."

Goodone was quiet for a few moments. They could see he was thinking over the things Susannah had said to him. He shook his head again. "No, Todd is safe and happy with me in his special hiding place. They all are happy with Carol and me. You really must accept that and stop trying to pull him into your world. You are only causing him to suffer more than he has."

"Goodone, can Todd see when he is with you?"

"Yes, he sees just fine. It is your world he wants to shut out. It is your world that makes him feel he doesn't deserve to see it. I have nothing against you, Doctor Hanen, or against any of you. I do realize that you care for Todd. However, my job is to protect him and the others from pain and suffering."

"Goodone, you can help everyone, especially Todd, by helping him to come out and not hide and by encouraging him to participate in therapy. You can also help Todd and everyone by helping the children to tell me what they know. You can also help Todd very much by helping him to get to know you and the others."

"No, Doctor Hanen, that is not what is best for everyone. You cannot feel the terror Todd is in when he comes running inside. You could never imagine it. If you think about the one thing in your life that frightened you the most. Something that left you terrified. The one thing that even to this day you cannot think about without intense fear, you would have to multiply it by a thousand to even come close what Todd feels after he's been out in your world. When Todd comes inside, he is paralyzed with terror. It is the only respite from it that he has ever had. I will not allow you or anyone else to take that away from him. If you all care for him the way you say you do, I can't understand why you would want to?"

"Goodone, we want Todd to be able to have a normal, happy life. We want him to be able to be with his wife and daughter. We want him to be able to feel the love people have for him and to allow them to love him. We want Todd to not feel afraid and to feel good about himself and to know that he is worth caring about. We want him to realize how good and smart and special he is," Susannah hoped she was getting through to him.

"Ah, but you see Doctor, when Todd is with me he does know all that. It is only in your world that he does not. Now I really must be going. Todd needs to be woken up soon. He needs to feel my love."

"Goodone, do you know Saber?" Susannah asked quickly, before he went away.

Goodone's face turned cold and the mention of Saber. "Todd is safe from everyone when he is with me. When he is in my arms, he is completely protected from everyone and everything. Now I am sorry, but no more questions. I have left Todd and my children alone for long enough. Doctor Hanen, Sam, Viki, I am happy to have gotten the chance to meet you."

"Where's Kevin?" Is he coming to see me?" They heard Timmy ask.

TO BE CONTINUED

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