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Todd had been back for three days. It surprised everyone that he was staying around for so long. In those three days, Todd had lost much of the progress Tom and Timmy had made, physically. He refused to eat and he lost the five pounds that had taken almost three weeks to gain. His blood work was starting to show problems. Todd resisted getting out of bed or getting washed and dressed. If any attempts were made to get him to do any of these things he would escalate so quickly that sedation and restraints became necessary and that defeated the purpose of forcing him. Todd was retreating back into himself more each day.

Viki was sitting by Todd's side. He looked a mess. His hair was tangled. He was unshaven. He was once again very pale and drawn. Viki could see his entire rib cage through his pajama top whenever he took a breath. She thought back to last week, "Dear lord, was it only last week?" she thought. Tom and Timmy had been so happy to be home. They were eating and playing and seemed to have so much energy. How could Todd's body start deteriorating again so quickly? It was almost as if he were willing his body to shut down the same way he was able to shut his mind down.

Sam came in and kissed Todd hello. Todd reached out to him for a second and then put his hand down. He said nothing. Sam walked over to where Viki stood on the other side of the bed and put his arm around her. "Have you been here all morning?" Sam whispered.

"Yes, I went to the paper but my mind wasn't on my work. Believe it or not, Kevin noticed and suggested I come here to see Todd. He said he would cover for me. Kevin's attitude has really changed since," looking at Todd, she whispered back, "that incident at Christmas. I really think for the first time Kevin has some compassion for Todd."

Dave came into the room and told Sam and Viki that Susannah had asked him to sit with Todd for a while and that she wanted them to come to her office. "Todd, Dave is going to stay with you for a while. Is that all right?" Viki asked. It took him a minute but he finally nodded. They all noticed how slow his reactions were.

"I got Todd's latest labs back and some problems are starting to pop up," Susannah got right to the point. "In addition to the danger of dehydration, his electrolytes are low again, his blood count is lower, his renal functions show a slight elevation. I'm going to have to put him back on an IV and if this persists I'm going to have to put him back on the feeding tube." Susannah could see that Sam and Viki were heartbroken to hear this.

"It's only been three days. How did he loose ground so quickly?" Sam couldn't understand.

"Todd's health is very fragile. It really doesn't take much. I think we are going to have to get a little tougher with Todd. I haven't pushed him and we have really been letting him do whatever he wants. I think I've done him a disservice. He's just going further into himself and he's severely depressed. He needs to get out of bed. He could end up getting pneumonia again."

"What's the point?" Viki asked. "He'll only end up in a restraint and sedated again and then he'll still be in bed and not eating or moving around." Susannah could see the tears forming in Viki's eyes.

"Why do you think he's staying around for so long. Why haven't any of the alters come back?" Sam asked.

"I don't know," Susannah answered honestly. "Todd has certainly not followed the typical DID patient profile in many ways."

"Is that because his abuse was so much more severe than most?" Viki wondered.

"Possibly, I just don't know. I do know that I want Todd to start trying to participate in therapy. I want him up and out of bed and if possible in my office. I'll push him slowly and cautiously. If he begins to escalate, I'll pull back." Susannah then broached something else she wanted to discuss with them. "I also want him to start working with Ryan Morgan. He specializes in rehabilitating blind patients. Todd needs to learn how to walk and dress and feed himself. He needs to be able to learn to do basic hygiene for himself."

Viki and Sam didn't want Todd pushed that much. "Susannah, isn't it a little soon to be putting him through that?" Viki protested. "We know that he is not really blind. Perhaps it will just go away as quickly as it came?"

"And if it doesn't? Viki, Todd can get his vision back in an hour or he could be like this for a very long time. He has to learn how to fend for himself."

"What if you just told him that his blindness was not real? How could he still stay blind once he knows there is nothing physically wrong with him and that his alters can see?" Sam was trying to find a way to spare Todd from having to go through additional therapy.

Susannah shook her head. "I'm afraid that at this point that would do more harm than good. Just the fact that Todd is so terrified of his blindness, so terrified of the dark and yet stays blind tells me that he desperately needs it right now. If I were to take it away from him at this point, it could make things much worse. I believe the best thing to do for the time being is for Todd to learn how to function without his vision and to gain at least some independence with the basics. He will not be put through the extensive rehab that someone who has, physically and permanently, lost their vision would be put through. He just needs to learn how to get around safely, how to feed himself, how to tell time. You know how important being able to tell time is to Todd," Susannah reminded them.

Sam nodded. "You know I remember that even as a kid having a watch and knowing what time it was all the time, was so important to him. I remember this one time his watchband tore and his watch fell to the ground and broke. He really freaked out. He was in a panic over not knowing what time it was. I thought it was because Peter kept him on a tight schedule and he was afraid of being late. Now I realize it was because he needed to know if he had missed time. He needed to know how much time he had to account for. "My God! What a tortured life he had!" the sorrow in his voice palpable.

"I think not knowing what time it is just one more thing that has left Todd disoriented. As soon as I feel that Todd can handle it, I will let him know that physically, he is not blind. In the meantime he has to be able to function." They knew Susannah was right. They still hated the thought of Todd being put through all that.

"Sam," Susannah began, "I know because of everything that happened, you and Tea have put off seeing Bo again. When do you plan on playing the tape for him?"

"Poor Sam," Viki thought. "There's so much pressure on him, pressure to be there for Todd, pressure to make sure Todd is not questioned by the police. Most of all there's so much pressure his guilt for allowing Todd to stay with Peter is putting on him."

"I waited this long I think I may as well wait until right after the New Year. We'll go to see him on the second," Sam was saying. He laughed bitterly, shook his head and added, "How is that for irony?" They all realized that January second was Todd's birthday. Fifteen years to the day that Michelle died.

They headed back to Todd's room. They could see that Todd was slipping into his own world. His face was expressionless and his eyes were blank. The only way they knew that he was still partially in their reality was because he was shivering.

"Todd, I want to speak with you. Todd." Susannah called to him and turned his face towards hers.

Todd didn't respond. Susannah continued anyway. "Todd, we need to start an IV on you." Todd said nothing. They knew some part of him heard her because he folded his arms around his torso.

"Todd, your electrolytes are low and that could cause disturbances in your heart rhythm. You are also dehydrated and your body needs nutrients." He closed his arms around him even tighter.

"Todd, I'm not going to fool around with this. I'm giving you one more chance to allow us to put the IV in your hand. If you don't we will help you to hold still so it can be done." The firmness and no nonsense tone in Susannah's voice surprised Sam and Viki.

"It's dark," Todd mumbled. His arms dropped to his side.

"Todd?" Susannah called to him "Todd?" She repeated, turning his face towards hers again. Susannah looked up at Sam and Viki and shook her head. Todd had broken his association with the world around him. He had "gone away inside his head."

An IV was started. Dave cleaned Todd up and sat him in a chair. Todd offered no resistance. He was oblivious to it all. Viki put her arms around Todd and hugged him to her.

"Todd, oh Todd, I wish I could take some of the hurt away from you. Do you have any idea how much I love you? You are closer to my heart than any human being on this earth. Todd, you know I will never let you go. No matter how hard you try to will yourself away from us, I'm here, holding on to you. Do you know you are a part of me? You are a part of my heart, and my soul. Little brother, I won't let you leave me. Maybe it's selfish of me, but I need you in my life. Sam needs you in his life. Todd, I know you're in there. I don't know if you can hear me, but I know you're in there. I'm going to fight for you until you can fight for yourself. When you can reach out, I'll always be right here for you. I'll never leave you, baby. Sam, Tea, Starr, even Blair are all here for you and none of them will ever leave you. You never have to be afraid of being alone again. Never!" Viki lifted his face by the chin and looked at him. His eyes were blank. "Todd," Viki whispered. She pulled his head against her and rested her cheek against the top of his head.

They kept Todd in the chair for a couple of hours. After he was put back in bed, Viki and Sam went home for the night. They had never formally decided to live together. Viki had spoken to Sam about her childhood. She explained to him that though she was now definitely one person, the scars of what Victor had done to her still remained in some ways. She explained that she had not had sexual relations with anyone since she remembered that her father raped her. Viki told Sam that she was not completely comfortable in her own body yet. Sam understood. Todd had taught him how devastating a parent's abuse can be to the child, even as an adult.

The first few times Sam stayed over he and Viki just stayed up most of the night, talking. He stayed in a guestroom. He was there for Viki if she needed him and she was there for him. One night Viki became very upset while talking about Todd. Sam came to her bed that night, but just held her and comforted her. Both shared the same sorrow. Both felt the need of a warm body next to them, to share the pain.

Sam had stayed over that night, then another, and another. Slowly, the things he brought with him were adding up and before he knew it, he had more of his things at Viki's house than at his hotel room.

Viki loved seeing Sam's things in "their room" as she had begun to think of her bedroom. Viki began to feel safe and loved when Sam was with her. She started to have feelings she had not felt in a long time. Not since before she had remembered the rape. After all these months of being together, Viki felt comfortable with Sam, but more than that she felt safe, and safe was everything. Sam truly knew and understood how she felt. He had no intention of rushing Viki into anything she wasn't ready for.

Viki knew that Sam's experience with Todd had also given him insight into her feelings that no one else had. She started to feel alive in Sam's arms. The part of her she thought had died was once again alive. It had been too long since someone had shared Viki's room, and her bed, and her life. Still, as much as Viki wanted to be with Sam in every way "it" was still there. Those same feelings that haunted her the last time she had tried to make love with Clint. Viki hated those feelings and she hated her father for what he'd done to her.

She prayed for and dreamed about the day when she, Sam, and Todd would all be a family. Those few days Todd had been home gave Viki a little taste of what that would be like. She knew that, like her, Sam wanted to give Todd the family he'd never had a home where he was loved and respected, and parents who cherished him. A place to be, and feel, safe. Viki knew what it was like to grow up without a safe place. She wanted better for Todd. Viki knew what she wanted Todd to learn. Things can get better. You may have to use every ounce of strength you've been given, but it is possible to pull yourself out of the darkness. Viki fell asleep with her head resting on Sam's chest, his arm around her. Tomorrow she would try, once again, to take Todd's hand and pull him from the darkness.

The phone jarred Sam and Viki awake. It was three-thirty in the morning. Both their hearts raced. Viki answered the phone.

"Viki, it's Susannah. Todd is all right. Don't be frightened. I'm sorry to call you at this hour. I just got a call from Connie. Todd came out of it. She didn't know if he had a nightmare or what. He is very agitated. He's calling for you and Sam. He keeps repeating that you're both gone forever and never coming back again. I'm on my way there now. I would prefer not to have to medicate him anymore than I already have and . . ."

"We're on our way," Viki declared.

"Thanks, I'll see you there," Susannah replied.

Susannah was already with Todd when Sam and Viki arrived. "Todd, I just spoke with Viki. She and Sam are on their way. They did not leave you. Why would you think they're not coming back?" Hearing this, as they walked into the room, Viki and Sam rushed over to the chair where Todd sat.

"Todd, we're here. It's all right. We're here."

Todd reached out with both hands, in the direction of Viki's voice. Viki moved closer to him. When he felt her standing next to him he put his arms around her waist, buried his head in her stomach, and hugged her to him tightly.

They were all surprised by Todd's actions. This was so unlike him. Todd, who cringed at being touched, who had never hugged Viki or anyone like this was now clinging on to her the way Timmy and Tom did.

"I thought you'd gone away forever, that you were never coming back again," Todd's voice was muffled by Viki's body.

"Sweetheart, what would make you think that? Sam and I will never leave you, never! Did you have a bad dream?"

"I don't remember," Todd whimpered softly. He was still clinging to Viki. "Is Sam here?" Todd asked in a childlike way.

Sam stepped a little closer. "I'm right here, Boomer," Sam assured him and rubbed Todd's back.

"It's cold. Why is it always so cold? I hate being out in the cold." Viki felt Todd shivering.

"Would you like to get back into bed?" Susannah suggested. Todd held on to Viki even tighter.

Viki stroked his head. "It's all right sweetheart. You can get back into bed and get under the covers. We'll be right here with you. We won't leave."

"Come on, Boomer," Sam said, taking Todd's arm and encouraging him to stand up. "It's the middle of the night, let's get you back into bed." Once back in bed, Todd held on to Viki's hand until he fell asleep.

"Susannah, what is going on with him?" Sam asked as soon as they were in the lounge area.

"Sam, I'm not sure. I suspect the blindness is a factor. I suspect the battle to keep from remembering has escalated. We keep Todd's room at least eighty degrees at all times yet he is constantly cold. Now of course some of that has to do with his physical condition, but did you notice how he said he hated being out in the cold. Not that he hated being cold, but being out in it."

"As if a part of him is still in the woods, burying Michelle," Viki realized.

"I am going to have to start pressing Todd a little harder to get to some of those feelings he has buried inside him." Susannah informed them.

"Susannah! He's already made himself blind so as not to have to face that night. What's going to happen if you force him into facing feelings he doesn't want to look at?" Sam clearly did not think this was a good idea.

"I can't force Todd to feel, face or remember anything, even if I wanted to. I cannot keep him from disassociating. He can escape anytime he needs to. I just want to press him to do therapy with me a little more. I would never force him beyond his limitations."

Sam still didn't see the point in it. "And then what? So he's doing therapy with you and he feels or remembers something that's been too painful for him to face. What happens . . . he becomes an infant again, or one of the alters, or a new one comes out, or he just goes away? What's the point? It seems that we just keep going in circles and while were all spinning around Todd is suffering."

Susannah felt as frustrated as Sam did. She was determined to help Todd. "Well, Sam, what do you suggest we do? Just stop? Just leave Todd as he is? Do you think his suffering would end if the therapy stops?" Susannah looked directly as Sam as she asked this.

Susannah didn't want to admit it, but she was getting frustrated and angry with herself. She knew that everything she had tried so far had not really helped Todd the way she had hoped. Yes, in some ways he was healing. Tom and Timmy were able to get more enjoyment out of life and at least Susannah knew many of the secrets. She had a better picture of what they were dealing with, but at what cost? Todd's physical health was deteriorating. He had almost died. He had willed himself blind, and now what? This new need to have Sam and Viki in same room with him. This need to cling to them physically. Todd, himself, seemed to be regressing to a more child-like state.

Susannah would have to wait if she planned on getting any answers out of Todd, because it was Timmy who awoke in the morning. Timmy smiled when he saw Viki and held out his arms for a hug.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Viki greeted him. She hugged him to her.

"How do you feel?" Susannah asked.

"Okay," Timmy responded. He noticed the IV in his arm again. Timmy started to cry and tried to take it out. They all had to explain, once again, it's purpose and calm him down about it. He stopped trying to pull it out, but remained frightened and unhappy.

Nancy came in to take his vitals. Viki sat on the bed, put her arm around Timmy, and hugged him to her. She knew that even having vitals done frightened him. "Everything's fine, Timmy," Nancy stated, more for Viki and Sam's benefit than for Timmy's. "Frank will be right in to help you get washed and dressed. Okay?" Timmy just stared at her.

Nancy turned to Viki and Sam. "Doctor Hanen wants him out of bed and cleaned up."

When Frank came in Timmy was already out of bed and playing with a "follow the dot" book. Frank was able to get him cleaned and dressed without a problem. Sam needed to get to Tea's office. He had things he had to discuss with her.

Timmy was a little upset that Sam was leaving so Viki kept him occupied by doing a puzzle with him. Viki asked Lisa to make Timmy a Fluffernutter sandwich for breakfast. She got him to eat half the sandwich and finish his milk and juice. Viki asked that the TV be brought into Timmy. After breakfast, while watching cartoons, Timmy fell asleep in Viki arms. She gently lowered him to the bed, covered him up, and went to call Kevin. There were some papers from the Pressman's union that Viki had to look over and sign and she needed them brought to her. She and Kevin had been going over them the other day and he knew where they were. Kevin surprised her when, instead of having the papers messengered over; he brought them to her himself.

"How's he doing?" Kevin asked as he looked over to the sleeping Timmy. Viki studied her son for a moment. She wanted to make sure his interest was genuine. Satisfied that it was, she answered, "He had a bad night but he's all right now. Timmy was the last one out. He's the one who fell asleep."

Kevin felt an immediate pang of guilt. "Timmy, oh man! He's the one I hurt," Kevin thought. Kevin looked at Timmy's face. He could still see a bit of discoloration around his left eye. A regular Band-Aid had replaced the butterfly bandage on the cut above his eyebrow. Kevin remembered how hard he had thrown the football. He cringed at the memory of what he had done.

"Mom, you look tired. Why don't you go outside and rest a while? I'll stay here and let you know if he starts to wake up."

"I don't know Kevin, are you sure you want to?" Viki was not used to Kevin's new attitude.

"Mom, you'll be right outside. I'll tell you what, why don't I go to the cafeteria and get you some breakfast, then you can relax and eat it in the lounge while you go over those papers."

Viki hesitated for a minute, but Kevin's suggestion did sound tempting and his interest seemed genuine. "All right," Viki agreed. Viki hugged her son and said, "Thank you honey." Kevin nodded his head and went to get the food.

Kevin had been sitting with Timmy for about half an hour when Timmy started to wake up. Timmy looked at Kevin. Kevin could see fear in Timmy's eyes. "I'll get Viki for you." Before he had a chance to leave the room Timmy spoke to him.

"I remember you. I showed you my coloring book at that other place."

"At home," Kevin helped him out. Kevin felt odd referring to his home as Todd's home as well.

Timmy continued. "You let me play ball with you and that other man."

"Joey," Kevin prompted him.

"I think so," Timmy answered, not really remembering Joey's name.

"Uh, listen," Kevin began. He walked closer to the bed. "I'm really sorry you got hit so hard with the ball. I thought you'd be able to catch it."

Timmy looked down and tears trickled out of his eyes. Kevin was not sure what to do. "Timmy, did I say something to upset you?"

"Daddy hates me cause I can't catch the ball good. He says I'm a clumsy bastard."

Timmy's words brought tears to Kevin's eyes. He remembered all the good times he'd had tossing a ball around, first with Joe, and then with Clint. He knew neither of them would ever have said anything like that to him. He could not believe it, but in spite of himself, his heart was breaking for this little boy.

"Timmy," Kevin said, stroking his head, "you are not clumsy. You played very well. It was my fault. I threw the ball too hard. I wasn't being fair to you and you got hurt because of what I did and I'm very sorry."

Timmy looked up at Kevin. Timmy's huge sad eyes melted Kevin's heart. "That's okay, it don't hurt no more. Did I really play okay?" Timmy asked hopefully.

"Yes! Timmy do you know you are one of the best football players I've ever seen," Kevin was able to say honestly.

Timmy's great big smile made Kevin feel good in a way he couldn't begin to understand. He just knew that he was happy to have given this child something to smile about.

"Do you like puzzles?" Timmy asked, looking directly into Kevin's eyes.

"Yes, I love puzzles."

"Do you wanna do one with me?"

"Sure," Kevin answered.

Viki and Susannah were shocked to come into Todd's room and see Kevin, sitting on the floor, putting a puzzle together with Timmy.

"Kevin does this real good. He says I play ball good too, and that I'm not clumsy," Timmy announced enthusiastically.

Susannah knelt down next to Timmy. She stroked his cheek and agreed, "Of course you're not clumsy. Is that one of your new puzzles?"

Timmy nodded and informed them, "Kevin helped me put it together. He's my friend."

Kevin smiled a sheepish, slightly embarrassed smile. He was not embarrassed by what Timmy had just said, but by his previous attitude. He knew as certainly as his mother that he had been wrong. He knew Todd was truly ill and Timmy was as real "a child" as his son Duke.

They all headed for the day room. Timmy shocked Kevin by taking his hand on the way. Timmy's lunch was brought in. He showed no interest in the alphabet pasta that was on the plate.

"Hey, I used to love these when I was a kid," Kevin told Timmy. Viki smiled, remembering that, that was true. "Do you know what I use to do?" Timmy looked at Kevin and shook his head. "I used to spell out a word on the spoon and when I got it right I would eat the word." Looking at Viki, Kevin admitted, "I guess even then I needed to eat my words." Viki smiled at her son, knowing that was his way of saying he was wrong about Todd.

"I know how to spell, mommy taught me. See!" Timmy fished out a B and an O and a Y with his fingers and put them on the spoon. "See! BOY," Timmy said, proudly.

"That's very good!" Kevin praised. "Now you have to eat that before you put the next word on the spoon. Those are the rules of the alphabet pasta game."

Timmy ate the pasta on his spoon. "How do you spell Kevin?" Timmy fished out each letter as Kevin slowly told them to him. After he showed the completed name off to Kevin, Timmy ate those letters too.

"Ohhh, you swallowed me whole," Kevin joked, making Timmy giggle. Viki and Susannah watched with joy as, slowly and patiently, Kevin got Timmy to eat spoonful after spoonful of his lunch.

Timmy loved this new game. It took some time but Kevin played the game until all the pasta was gone. Viki got a wet washcloth and wiped Timmy's hands clean and then wiped his mouth and face. She kissed him on the forehead when she was done. She looked at Kevin and mouthed the words, "thank you."

"Do you want to see the pictures I drawed?" Timmy asked Kevin.

"Sure I do," Kevin responded eagerly. When Timmy stood up, Kevin noticed how hard it was for him and how weak he was. He couldn't believe what had happened to Todd's body. "They're over here," Timmy said. He walked over to the day room poster board.

Kevin helped Timmy with the IV pole. Kevin saw the names "Timmy" and "Tom" spelled out in colorful magnetic letters across different areas of the poster board. "These are mine," Timmy pointed to the area under his name. "This one is me and Viki and Sam." Kevin was surprised to see a small boy with short dark hair and brown eyes in the picture. "This one is Doctor Hanen and this one is my mommy." Timmy rubbed his hand lovingly across the picture of his mother. "She's real far away and can't come to see me," Timmy said sadly.

"She's very pretty. You draw very well," Kevin's compliment was genuine.

Timmy got another big smile on his face, but it quickly turned to sadness. Timmy hung his head down. Kevin could see a tear slide down his cheek.

"What's the matter?" Kevin asked. He put his hand on Timmy's shoulder.

"Daddy says I draw bad, that the picture I made is . . . mommy says I shouldn't say that word. Mommy put it on the refrigerator and forgot to take it down before daddy came home." Timmy sat down cross-legged on the floor and put his hands in front of his face. He started crying even harder.

Susannah was about to go to him when Kevin knelt down and stroked the back of Timmy's head, and asked, "Did daddy get mad?"

"He crumbled up the picture and pushed it in mommy's mouth and then he hit her on the face. I'm always bad. I'm always getting mommy hurt," Timmy wept. His cries got even louder.

Kevin took Timmy in his arms. He was shocked at his own instincts to comfort this child. "Timmy, you are not bad. Your daddy is the one who did something bad. Your mommy knew that. She didn't blame you."

"Daddy will get mad at you if you say that." Timmy warned Kevin. Timmy's eyes were frightened.

Kevin tightened his hug. "Timmy, I'm not afraid of your daddy and I don't want you to be either. Hey, are we friends?" Timmy looked at Kevin and nodded. "Well friends don't let other friends get hurt and I will never let your daddy hurt you again."

Timmy looked over at the picture of his mother. "Do you think mommy will come to see me someday?"

Kevin looked up at his mother and Susannah, not knowing how to answer that. Susannah was about to step in when Kevin found the words. "Timmy, I don't know if your mommy can ever get back here, but I do know she loves you more than anything in the whole world. If she can't get back here, it is not because she doesn't want to. It's because she can't."

Timmy brightened up and told Kevin, "While I'm here I have two mommies. Viki and Doctor Hanen," he pointed to each of them.

Kevin felt odd realizing that Timmy considered Viki to be his mother, rather than his sister, but he realized that Timmy certainly needed a mother and he couldn't ask for a better one than Viki.

Sam came into the room. When he saw Kevin crouched down next to Timmy, he walked to where they were and put a protective hand on Timmy's shoulder. "Hey pal, how'ya doin'?" Sam asked, as he kissed the top of Timmy's head. Sam looked at Kevin and asked Timmy, "Is everything all right?"

"Kevin came to see me and he says I'm the best football player and that I'm not clumsy and that I draw real good and that mommy loves me and Kevin did a puzzle with me and showed me how to play with alphabet spaghetti and . . . oh yeah, he's my friend." Timmy said, without stopping to take a breath. Sam was happy to see Timmy so excited. Still, he wondered if Kevin was up to something.

"Well, it sounds like you had a busy day." Sam stroked Timmy's head. Sam turned to Kevin. "I'm surprised to see you here."

Standing up, Kevin replied, "I had to bring some papers by and I thought I'd say hello to my new buddy here." Timmy looked up at Kevin, adoringly, and gave him another big smile. Kevin returned Timmy's smile with one as big as Timmy's. Kevin realized it had quickly become impossible for him to resist this little boy

"Well," Kevin said, "I have to be going. Got to get those papers back to the legal department."

Timmy looked up at Kevin, clearly disappointed that he was leaving. "Are you ever gonna come back again or are you going away forever?" Timmy's large eyes filled with sadness.

Kneeling down again, Kevin assured him, "Hey, didn't I just say you were my new buddy. I have a lot more games to teach you." Kevin's tone turned more serious. He stroked the back of Timmy's head. "I'll be back Timmy. I'm not leaving forever," Kevin promised.

Sam followed Kevin outside. "Kevin, can I speak with you for a minute?" Sam walked up to Kevin and stood about two inches away from him.

"Is it me, or is it really warm in there?" Kevin asked, wiping the perspiration off his brow with his handkerchief.

Ignoring his question, Sam said, "If you're playing some sort of cruel game or thinking about writing some kind of expose or trying to prove something to your mother about Todd, you can just forget it right now! That child in there thinks you really like him and he is already becoming attached to you. I won't let you hurt him."

Kevin understood why Sam would think that. Kevin looked Sam in the eye. "You might not believe this Sam, and I don't understand it myself, but I was not pretending to like Timmy. I really do. I probably would still hate Todd if he were here . . ." Kevin paused. He shook his head. He didn't understand his own emotions. "Sam, somehow . . . Sam, my heart breaks for that poor little boy in there. I am so sorry that I hurt him with the football. I honestly believed that Todd was trying to pull one over on my mother."

"And now what? You suddenly believe that Todd is sick and that Timmy and the others are real?" Sam was suspicious. He wasn't sure he bought this about face.

Kevin thought for a minute and then answered, "Yeah, I guess that's what I'm saying. Sam, I know there are a lot of things about what happened to Todd that I don't know about, but I do know enough from what Timmy said to realize that he was raised by a monster. A man who wasn't my biological father also raised me. I was lucky. Clint is the best father a kid could hope for. What if Grandpa Victor had given me to a man like Peter Manning? What if, instead of living with my mother, I was put in a home with a woman who would abandon me to someone like Peter? Would I have turned out any different from Todd? I'd like to think so, but who knows? My mother always tried to tell me that I had no idea what Todd had been through and I shouldn't judge him. I still don't really have any idea, but from what little I do know I realize that I would not have wanted to be in Todd's place for anything in the world. I know that I will never again do anything to cause that sweet little boy in there any more pain and I know, that for the first time, I can understand my mother's love for her brother."

Sam searched Kevin's face. He looked into his eyes. Kevin seemed to be saying what was in his heart. "Kevin, I believe you. Don't ever make me sorry for that. If you are pulling something, you'll be breaking your mother's heart, and I will break your neck."

Kevin didn't get angry with Sam for saying this. "You love my mother don't you?"

"Yes, I do," Sam answered quickly and honestly.

"I'm glad you're there for her. I can see she needs you Sam, and she loves you. She's been alone too long. She needs someone who can share her love and grief for Todd. Tell Timmy I'll be back to see him soon." Kevin said, and walked to the double doors, to be let out.

Timmy was out for the rest of the evening. He didn't do very well with his dinner, not even showing any interest in the chocolate pudding that was there for dessert. He seemed tired and cranky. He did not resist when Viki told him it was bedtime. It took a lot of coaxing to get him to finish the juice they brought with his nighttime meds in it. Viki felt his forehead. She was afraid he was getting sick again. It felt cool. Sam said he'd stay the night so Viki went home, but her mind was in that room with Timmy.

Timmy had been asleep for about four hours. Sam was watching "Jay Leno" when he heard Todd's voice calling out and saw Todd sit up and reach out into the air to see if someone was around.

Taking Todd's hands, Sam said, "It's me Boomer. I'm right here." "Sam?" Todd turned his head in Sam's direction. "It's always so dark and cold. It's like there are too many trees around and you can't see the sun anymore."

"Like being in the woods, Boomer?" Sam asked, cautiously. Todd started to tremble. He wrapped his arms around himself and started to repeat. "It's cold. It's cold."

Sam got another blanket and wrapped it around Todd's shoulders. "Todd, is that better?"

Todd pulled the blanket around himself even tighter and nodded. "Viki went away," Todd stated flatly.

"Todd, she went home to get some sleep. She'll be back."

"I had a puppy."

"What Boomer?" Sam was caught off guard by what Todd said.

"I had a puppy," Todd repeated. "My mother gave him to me for my fifth birthday. His name was Randy. I had to keep him in the basement because my dad didn't like him to be in the rest of the house. He ran away. One day I went downstairs to feed him and he was gone, and all of his stuff was gone. He ran away and never came back." Tears started to flow down Todd's cheeks.

"How do you know he ran away?" Sam pressed.

"Because he just wasn't there anymore. One day he was there and the next he was gone forever."

"Did your dad ever say anything to you about Randy?"

"No, he didn't like him anyway. He was probably glad he was gone, just like . . ."

"Just like what pal?"

Todd started moving his hands in the air, as if he were trying to feel something. "I wanna go outside. It's summer isn't it? I want to feel the sun," Todd said suddenly and started to get out of bed.

Sam quickly blocked his way and gently pushed him back. "Todd, it's late at night and the sun isn't out. It's the end of December. Remember Boomer, remember we told you."

"No! It's summer. I remember! You're confusing me. I want to go out." Todd stood up. "It's cold in here. It'll be warm outside. I can take Starr to the park. I can't see. What if I lose her?" Todd grabbed for Sam's hand. "Sam, what if I lose Starr?" Todd started to panic. He was becoming confused and agitated.

Dave heard him from his post outside the door and rushed in. He called to Marcia before he came in and she alerted Carl and Connie.

"Hey buddy, it's Dave," he let Todd know who was there before he reached for Todd's arm. "You need to get back into bed, Todd. It's late and it's time to sleep." Dave's voice was gentle, but firm. Sam was still holding on to Todd's other arm.

"Todd, it's Connie. Dave and Sam are going to help you back to bed. You need to rest now, hon." Dave motioned to Sam. They gently tried guiding Todd back towards the bed.

Being in the dark, Todd quickly became disoriented and could not tell what he was feeling. He felt people pulling on him but it felt as if they were pulling him down. He started to pull away. Dave and Sam tightened their grip. The others moved closer to Todd in case they were needed.

"SAM! SAM!" Todd screeched.

"I'm right here, Todd. I'm holding onto your right arm. I didn't go anywhere."

Todd was escalating quickly. "NO! LET GO OF ME! I HAVE TO GET OUT! IT'S TOO DARK IN HERE. I HAVE TO GET OUT!"

Todd's struggling increased. Carl whispered for Sam to step aside. He and Dave quickly got Todd the few more inches it took to get him to his bed. They got him into a physical restraint once he was in the bed.

"I HAVE TO FIND STARR. SHE RAN AWAY AND IT'S MY FAULT!" Todd shrieked and fought their hands.

Connie ran to get the sedative Susannah had ordered, in case it became necessary. She injected it into Todd's IV line. The medication worked quickly and Todd just wilted in their arms.

"Sam," Todd called out weakly. Todd's speech was slurred.

"I'm right here, Todd," Sam confirmed. He took Todd's hand.

"Will you find Starr and Randy for me. They ran away. They don't want to be with me anymore." Todd's voice was barely above a whisper. His speech was starting to slur even more.

"Shhhh, it's all right, Todd, shhhh. I'll find them for you. Just relax, pal. Close your eyes and go to sleep."

Todd's body relaxed and his grip on Sam's hand loosened. Connie took Todd's vital signs. "He's all right," she reassured Sam and patted him on the arm.

"Sam, I'll sit with Todd," Dave offered. "Why don't you go to the lounge and get some rest? Todd should sleep through the night. I'll get you immediately if he wakes up." Sam hesitated, but then took Dave up on the offer.

Once Sam was alone in the lounge he sat in one of the armchairs and stretched his feet out in front of him. He put his head back and covered his eyes with his hands. He sat like that for a few minutes. He then thought about how dark it was with his hands over his eyes. He realized that for Todd, now, it was always this dark. He couldn't just take his hands away and make the light come back. Sam started to weep. First softly, then sobs loud and full of pain left his throat. The pain he felt for everything that had happened to Todd and for what was still happening to him came flooding to the surface and Sam cried until there were no tears left.

Sam straightened up. "Enough of that!" he thought to himself. He knew he could not allow himself to fall apart now. He noticed a copy of the Banner that someone had left on a chair. He hadn't even realized that tomorrow would be New Year's Eve. His first with Viki. He knew that neither of them felt like celebrating, but he wanted to do something to make the night special. He also realized that Todd's birthday was January second. He would talk to Susannah and find out if they should somehow mark this occasion. He also knew that he and Tea had decided to go to Bo on that day.

TO BE CONTINUED

COPYRIGHT 1999/RS/RHFC