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Susannah had never experienced the flood of emotions she was now feeling. She had seen other people experience grief so profound that it devastated them to the core of their souls. She had empathized and sympathized with them. Until now she could never have imagined what it truly felt like. Susannah realized she had crossed a line. Todd was no longer just a patient to her. She realized that what she was feeling was a parent's grief. She loved Todd as if he were her child. She could not accept that all the suffering Todd had been through his entire life, all the suffering that she had put him through in her efforts to help him would end like this. Perhaps, it was being able to acknowledge her feelings to herself or the inner strength that had always allowed Susannah to face any challenge that came her way, but suddenly she composed herself. She realized that she had responsibilities, not only to Todd, but also to Viki and Sam as well. Susannah washed her face and headed off to speak with them.

As she approached the waiting area outside the ICU Susannah could hear Viki shouting. "HOW DARE YOU ASK ME THAT! MY BROTHER IS ONLY TWENTY-EIGHT! HE HASN'T EVEN STARTED LIVING YET!" Sam was trying to quiet her down.

Susannah rushed to them. "What's going on? Viki?"

"This!" Viki answered and held a piece of paper up for Susannah to see.

Susannah saw that a resident had approached Viki about the DNR order. "They want me to sign a release for them not to resuscitate him if . . . if . . . Susannah! I will not let them give up on Todd. I will not allow them to let him die!" Viki cried out angrily.

"All right Viki, shhhh, calm down. It's all right. No one is forcing you to sign anything." Susannah turned around to the young doctor. "Can you please leave us alone for now? I will speak with the family."

After the doctor walked away Susannah suggested, "Let's sit down."

"Susannah, just get that away from me!" Viki ordered. Susannah put the form down on a table across the room and came back to where Viki sat.

Sam looked at her helplessly and asked, "It's really bad isn't it?"

Susannah nodded and said, "Todd is in extremely critical condition. He's in a coma."

Susannah chose not to mention anything about possible brain damage at this point. She didn't think either Viki or Sam could handle that right now. She also knew, that even with that knowledge Viki would still want everything humanly possible done for Todd.

Susannah put her arm around Viki. She gently asked, "Viki, do you want to see Todd now? It would be all right."

Viki looked at Susannah. The look in her eyes turned from one of fear to one of strength and she asked, "Should I call Tea and Blair and ask them if they want to see Todd?"

"Yes, I think that would be a good idea," Susannah answered.

Sam and Viki stood beside Todd's bed. If possible, he looked even more fragile than he had before. His skin was almost translucent. He looked small and emaciated in the tangle of all the tubes that were attached to him. They could not believe he had gotten to this stage so quickly. There were no words left to say to him. Sam and Viki knew that somewhere in there Todd was struggling, as usual. They only hoped he was still able to try as hard as he could.

Tea had been in the middle of checking out some web sites that locate missing people when Viki called. She felt as if her heart had stopped when Viki told her about Todd's condition. She said she would be there as quickly as she could drive. Sam had called Blair. He could hear Blair start to cry over the phone when he told her that if she wanted to see Todd she should get to the hospital as soon as possible. Blair was on her way. Sam and Viki both knew that Todd would not want Tea nor Blair to see him this way. They also knew that to allow them the opportunity to see Todd, if they chose, was the only decent thing to do and prayed that Todd would forgive them.

Blair was the first to arrive. Viki had been in contact with her all along, but had not gone into the specific details of Todd's therapy. Blair had no idea it had come to this. Now, Blair stood over the man she considered to be the great love of her life. Blair had seen Todd close to death before. She remembered the night she found him, nearly stabbed to death, by Powel. Even that could not prepare her for this.

Todd barely resembled the man she knew. He looked so pale and thin and helpless, as he lay perfectly still among the machines that were keeping him alive. She had spoken with Susannah for a few moments before she went in.

"Do you think I should bring Starr to see him?" She asked.

"No, I don't think it would be in Starr's best interest to see her father this way and I know Todd would not want that for Starr either," Susannah replied.

Even though the ventilator made it difficult Blair bent down and kissed Todd on the lips. "I'm here baby. Blair is here." Tears poured down Blair's face. She caressed Todd's cheek and spoke to him softly.

"Todd, all these years later and you are still trying to win the most pathetic contest. Okay, I give up. You are the all time champ. Oh, come on baby, don't do this. You have a little girl who's waiting for her daddy to come home to her. Todd, not a day goes by when Starr doesn't miss you or ask about you. I know what it's like to grow up without a daddy. Don't do that to Starr. As much as I hate to admit it, you are the best daddy any little girl could have. Don't make our daughter miss knowing that. You have to be there to keep all those boys away when she gets into high school. You have to be there for her."

Blair started to weep. "Oh Todd, and for me too. I never stopped loving you. Oh baby, don't you know that? I know I have acted like I don't care or sometimes like I hated you. You have to know I still love you. No one ever gets over what we had. I'm sorry I acted like I thought you killed Georgie. I never really believed that, not in my heart. Did that make you do what you did? Did you think no one would believe you if I didn't? You know I don't love Max. I have never loved anyone but you. I'm keeping the Sun going for you. Just like I did when you were in Ireland."

Blair paused to wipe away her tears and then continued. "I'm sorry for all the times I tried to keep Starr away from you. And, for all the times I let Dorian influence the way I treated you. I was never on your side. I always took up for someone else against you. Todd Manning! Don't you dare die on me and leave me with all these feelings. Don't you dare leave your little girl to face this world without you. Todd, don't you dare!" Blair sobbed, unable to go on.

Blair kissed Todd one more time and left his room. She went over to Viki. They hugged each other without saying a word and Blair headed to the elevator. As the door opened, Tea got off the elevator.

Blair looked at her and snidely remarked, "Well, you may finally be rid of Todd. At least you still have his money."

Tea looked at Blair and slapped her across the face. Then, without saying a word, Tea just walked towards a stunned Sam and Viki. Blair hesitated for a moment. She looked as if she were about to say something. When the next elevator came she got on it and left.

"Tea, I'm sorry. Blair is very upset," Viki apologized for Blair.

"I didn't come here to discuss Blair," Tea stated. "I want to see Todd."

Tea had made up her mind on the way over she was not going to allow herself to be cut out of Todd's life anymore. Not by her own feelings about seeing him this way and not by Todd himself. He was still her husband and no matter how difficult it became, she was going to stand by him. She only prayed she'd be given the chance.

"Has there been any change since I spoke with you?" Tea asked Viki.

"No, Todd is still in a coma and still in extremely critical condition."

"Can I see him now?" Tea's fingernails cut into the palms of her hands as she waited for Viki's reply. Viki nodded.

As bad as Tea had imagined it, this was worse. She could not keep herself from trembling as she looked at Todd. The sounds of the machines only magnified the horror of the situation. She could not believe that the person lying among all those tubes and wires was Todd. She could not believe how frail he had become.

"Todd it's Te . . . it's Delgado. I'm here. I know you don't want me here but you're just going to have to tell me to leave yourself if you want me to go. Todd, can you feel this?" Tea gently lifted his swollen hand so his fingers could feel the ring she was wearing.

"It's my wedding ring. I never took it off you know. The whole world knows I'm still Mrs. Todd Manning. It's what I want. It's what I've always wanted. I want to be your wife. I know I didn't always make it easy for you to trust me. I know I asked for more than you could give. I also know that you tried your best. Todd I know that now. I know you gave me all you could and that's all anyone can ask. Mi corazon, I've never known you to give up on anything. Getting custody of Starr is proof of that. Don't give up now. Sam and Viki love you so much. They think of you as their son. They've grown to love each other. Do you know that? And, do you know this?"

Tea bent down to him and whispered in his ear. "I love you. I've never stopped and I never will. No matter how long it takes; I'll be waiting for that life you promised me. Todd I won't leave you. Querido, I swear! No matter what you say or do, I won't ever leave you! Todd Please!" Tea took his hand.

"Ay dios mio!" Tea's eyes became wide with shock. She felt Todd squeeze her hand. Thinking it might just be her imagination she tried again. "Todd, if you can hear me squeeze my hand!" She felt him do it again. Tea called the nurse over to Todd's bed and then called Viki and Sam to come into the room. She once again asked Todd to squeeze her hand and he did.

Todd's temperature started to drop. The powerful diuretics, that previously had no effect, started to remove some of the fluid in his body. Gradually, over the next three days his kidneys started to function on their own. He still needed the help of a ventilator; however, he was starting to come out of the coma.

Viki, Sam, Tea, Susannah and Blair all took turns talking to him. They would hold his hand or stroke his hair, always letting him know that someone was there with him. When Viki and Sam were with him, talking to him, he would sometimes squeeze their hands, but had still not opened his eyes.

"Todd. Come on pal. I know you can hear me. You've been asleep long enough. Come on it's time to wake up. Come on, Boomer. Open your eyes," Sam would coax, over and over again.

"Sweetheart, please wake up. It's Viki. Baby, please talk to me. It's safe to come back. Everyone is waiting for you to wake up and talk to us. Sweetheart, we miss you. Please Todd, open your eyes!"

Blair would kiss Todd on the lips and tell him all the things Starr was up to. Tea would hold his hand and stroke his hair. She would whisper in his ear and tell him how much she loved him.

They played music for him. They tried talking to each of the alters, trying to get one of them to wake up. Todd eyes still stayed closed. Susannah feared possible brain damage.

On the fifth day after he first squeezed Tea's hand, Todd was taken off the ventilator. Finally, on day six, Todd's eyes fluttered.

Viki and Sam were with him. "CALL DOCTOR HANEN!" Sam shouted, to one of the nurses. "I think he's waking up." Sam added, quietly.

"Todd. Todd. That's it, Boomer. Open your eyes. Come on. It's Coach. I'm telling you to open your eyes."

Susannah rushed into Todd's room. "Todd. It's Doctor Hanen," Susannah checked Todd's pupils with a penlight. "Todd! I want you to open your eyes. I know it's hard but I want you to use all your strength now and open up those eyes."

"Todd's hiding," they heard Timmy's voice whisper, slowly. Sam grabbed him in his arms and held him as tightly as Todd's fragile body and the equipment still attached to it would allow. Viki held onto Todd's hand.

Timmy's eyes opened, "My throat hurts," Timmy cried. Sam, carefully and gently, laid him back down so Susannah could look at him.

"Hi, sweetie. " Tears formed in Susannah's eyes, as she leaned over the bed and stroked his cheek.

"My throat hurts a lot," Timmy whispered hoarsely, as tears trickled down his cheeks.

"I know it does, sweetie. I'm sorry. It hurts because there was a tube in your throat, but it's gone now and it will get better. I promise."

Timmy looked around. They could see he was becoming frightened. "This isn't my room and this isn't my house." When he saw the equipment and the various IV's that were still attached to him he started to cry for his mother.

Viki gently lifted him to her and clutched him to her chest. She hugged him and rocked him in her arms and whispered to him. "Timmy, Timmy, it's going to be all right. Darling, you're going to be okay now. Shhh, it's all right baby, shhhh."

Timmy slowly calmed down and with the comforting sound of Viki's heartbeat in his ear he fell asleep in her arms. Sam put his arm around Viki. She continued to hold Timmy as he slept. She felt like she never wanted to let go. Susannah smiled at the scene before her. Never a religious person, Susannah said a silent prayer of thanks.

"Whoa! Tom, slow down. You almost ran me over," Terry gently chastised and smiled as Tom ran past her in his rush to get to the playroom.

"Sorry Terry. Alan came to see me and he said they got some new remote cars in today and I could play with them. Doctor Hanen said it was okay for me to go to the playroom."

No one could believe that just two weeks ago Todd was precariously close to death. Since then, Todd's body had rebounded better than anyone had ever expected. He was still not completely well. His heart and renal function were not one hundred percent, and he still had to take diuretics to help them along. But in time, hopefully, he would heal completely.

Since Tom was out most of the time the feeding tube was removed. Tom didn't eat enough to put back too much of the weight Todd lost, but slowly a little was coming back, and at least he ate. Although, even more anemic now then he had been, Todd's face was starting to look a little less pale.

"He certainly seems to have gotten most of his energy back," Terry commented happily to Carl as Tom disappeared into the playroom.

Viki, Sam, Susannah, Tea were ecstatic over Todd's recuperation. Unfortunately, Todd's legal problems always preyed on their minds. Sam and Tea had put off going to the police, once again. They knew it was wrong and unethical, but they waited until Todd was out of the woods. Now he was and they knew what had to be done.

Susannah was also concerned because Tom and sometimes Timmy were the only ones who ever came out. Todd had not made an appearance. At times, Susannah thought this best, but she realized that eventually Todd would have to resume his life and the longer he stayed away the harder it would be when he came back. Although, Todd had been moved back to his room on Susannah's floor, he had not had any actual therapy sessions. Susannah did not want to put any stress on his already stressed system. She wanted to give him time to heal.

Tom and Timmy spent their days playing, drawing, watching TV, reading, being read to, and generally being doted on by everyone. They were both still plagued by nightmares, but that was really the only time anything was mentioned about their past.

Blair, who had never formally met Tom, came to visit one day. At first she was put off by this child who spoke about Starr like she was one of his playground playmates. Blair had been shocked to discover that Starr had sometimes been with the alters over the years. However, she quickly came to realize that no matter who Todd was he loved Starr and would never hurt her.

Tom had explained to her that now he didn't have to pretend to be Todd any more. "I'm sorry I lied to you, Blair. Are you mad at me?" He asked innocently.

Smiling at him, and caressing his cheek, Blair assured him, "No Hon, I'm not mad at you, not at all."

Tom took her to the art room and proudly showed her a painting of himself, standing with Sam and Viki. He made sure to show her all "his stuff." Pointing out the things that were Timmy's he said, "Timmy likes baby stuff."

Blair related to him as easily as she did to Starr and this surprised the hell out of her. She was able to separate this sweet, funny child from her ex-husband much more easily than she had ever imagined.

Tea reacted in a similar fashion. Susannah, Viki and Sam all knew that Todd did not want Tea to see him in the hospital. Tea would not allow herself to be kept away from him again. She had been insistent and since Todd wasn't around they relented. Tea happened to visit on one of the days Timmy was out. Timmy was sitting on his bed, snuggled in Sam's arms as Sam told him a story, when Tea walked in the room. Timmy recognized her as "Tee," that nice lady who stayed with us sometimes. Timmy used to love to listen when Tea read or told Starr stories. He often wanted to come out and cuddle in her arms the way Starr did, but he was afraid to. Todd never realized why he would sometimes want to feel Tea's arms around him when he would watch her with Starr.

Timmy knew he wasn't supposed to let Tea know who he was. Timmy would hear Todd and Tea fight sometimes and he would hold on to Miss Perkins, tightly. She would cover his ears and try to block out the sound. He was afraid Tea would be mad at him if he came out and Timmy desperately wanted her to like him. Tom had once confided in Timmy that he loved Tea and wanted Todd to be really nice to her so she'd never leave them forever. Tea realized Timmy was the child she saw when Todd was in jail.

"Timmy, this is Tea, do you remember her?" Sam asked. Timmy looked at Tea and buried his head in Sam's shoulder, shyly peeking out at Tea every few seconds.

Tea sat on the bed next to Timmy. "Timmy, I've heard a lot about you," Tea smiled warmly as she said this to him.

"You did?" Timmy finally looked at Tea and asked. His innocent eyes were wide and questioning.

Timmy already tugged at Tea's heart. "Yes, I heard you were a very smart and very good boy. I heard you like to draw and that you like stuffed animals." Timmy just continued to stare at her while he still held on to Sam. "I like stuffed animals too," Tea continued, "when I was your age I had lots of them."

"Did your daddy get mad if you played with them?" Timmy asked.

"No, as a matter of fact, he bought them for me."

"That's cause you're a girl. Daddy says boys shouldn't play with dolls but Viki and Sam and Doctor Hanen say it's okay."

"Well, of course it's okay. Dolls and stuffed animals are nice to play with and cuddle with for boys and girls."

Timmy continued to stare at Tea. "You're pretty. I never got to see you for real before."

"What do you mean for real?" Tea asked.

"You know. Before, I just got to see you from inside. Stuff looks different from inside. Do you want to see a picture of my mommy?"

Tea reached out and stroked his cheek. "Sure, I would love to," Tea responded. Sam saw the love in Tea's eyes as well as the smile on her lips when she looked at Timmy.

Timmy let go of Sam. He got off the bed and took Tea by the hand and walked her over to a bulletin board that was in his room. He pointed out one of the pictures that was taped to it under his name.

"That's my mommy. She's real far away and can't come to see me," Timmy admitted sadly.

Tea reached out and stroked his head. "Timmy, I'm sure your mommy misses you very much. I know if you were my little boy I'd be missing you."

"You would?"

"Very much," Tea answered. Timmy smiled. Timmy didn't understand Tea's relationship to Todd and Starr. He didn't realize she was Starr's stepmother.

Timmy looked at Tea. "Do you have any little kids?"

Tea got a very sad look in her eyes as she answered, "I have a little girl, but right now she lives with her real mommy."

Timmy looked a little confused but then he looked as if he figured it out. "I live here sometimes and when I live here Viki and Doctor Hanen are my mommies. So when your little girl lives with you then you're her mommy."

Tears welled up in Tea's eyes. She hugged Timmy. "Timmy, do you know you are a very smart little boy." Timmy's big smile made Tea's heart fill up with love for this child. Timmy showed Tea some of his toys. He was starting to rub his eyes. Sam knew that meant he was getting tired and needed a nap.

"Hey buddy, I think it's time you lay down for a while and get a little shut eye."

"Can you stay with me until I go to sleep?" Timmy asked Tea.

"You bet I can," Tea answered, touched that he would ask.

After Timmy fell asleep, Sam walked Tea outside. "That wasn't at all what I had expected it to be like," Tea admitted to Sam.

"What do you mean?" Sam didn't understand.

"I have been so afraid of seeing Todd as that child I saw when he was in jail. I think I was more afraid of that than if he had turned into Pete."

"Why?" Sam was confused by her feelings.

"I don't know. I guess I was afraid I couldn't handle him being that way. I thought I'd say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. He was so terrified that day at the jail. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stand it if he didn't recognize me."

"Tea, he was terrified that day. He was in a panic. He didn't recognize anyone. He just wanted his mommy. He still gets that way sometimes, but it happens less frequently. Do you feel better about being around him now?"

"Oh, Sam, he is so sweet and lovable. It's like being with Starr. I can't believe how the feelings I just had in there for Timmy don't interfere with the feelings I have for Todd. I can't believe how easy it is to think of them as separate people. Not just Todd acting like a child."

"That's because that isn't Todd acting like a child. Timmy is a child. I think you sensed that."

"Sam, I'm so sorry I stayed away from Todd as long as I did. I mean, I know Todd wanted me to and probably still does . . . I could have tried harder, Sam. I wasted so much precious time."

Sam hugged Tea and said, "you're here now."

Susannah came to the day room just as Tom was finishing the last of the pizza and chocolate shake Sam and Viki had brought him for lunch. "Well, I see you had you're favorite lunch," Susannah commented, seeing the pizza sauce all over Tom's face.

"Coach and Viki brought me the same thing for breakfast," Tom announced happily.

"Well, one of these days you're going to turn into a big ol' pizza yourself," Susannah kidded making Tom giggle.

"Tom, Alan just told me that he got some new video games in this morning and . . ."

Before Susannah had a chance to finish Tom jumped up and asked, "Can I go there now! I'm all finished."

"Sure you can honey. I was just in there and Alan is expect . . ." Tom was running out the door before she got the words out.

Sam, Viki and Susannah all had big smiles on their faces. Timmy and especially Tom seemed to be thriving. Todd's body had gained four pounds. It wasn't much but it was a start.

"I have some good news. I just got Todd's latest labs back and his BUN and creatinine are nearly back to normal. The echo we did on his heart also looks good. We're taking him off the diuretics. He's still anemic, but his hemoglobin and his hematocrit have also risen. All in all, I and the rest of Todd's doctors are very pleased with his physical condition."

Viki hugged Susannah and exclaimed, "Susannah, that's wonderful news! I thought he seemed a lot better but I was afraid it was wishful thinking."

"No, he's doing great. That brings me to something else I came here to speak with you both about and that's why I wanted Tom to go to the playroom. I guess you realize that Friday is Christmas. Are either of you planning anything at home?"

"Well," Viki began, "you know Sam's kids are in school in Chicago and I'm not sure if Jessie will be coming in from Arizona. She loves it out there and will probably want to stay with Clint for the holidays. Joey would probably come to Christmas dinner if I had one. Kevin is another story. His feelings for Todd have not changed and they probably never will. He and I are not on the best of terms. Sam and I were planning on spending Christmas here, with Todd."

"Viki, Sam, what if you could take Todd home for a few days. Do you think you would like that?" Sam and Viki were left speechless for a minute.

"Susannah, do you mean it? Todd can come home! You feel he's well enough for that?" Viki asked, hopefully.

"Physically yes, and since I'm not actually putting him through therapy right now. I think it may be possible. The alters well, Tom and Timmy anyway, have been fairly stable since Todd came out of the coma. In some ways that's not so good because I think a lot of what they revealed has been pushed back down again. But, as long as they are not being prodded to look at their past they seem to be able to function without any episodes. You know that very soon we are going to have to get back to full time therapy and, oh God . . ."

Susannah shook her head and continued. "We still have the whole Michelle matter facing us and them. I wanted Todd, or at least Timmy and Tom, to experience some happiness before things get complicated again. I also wanted to see how being in the home environment would effect them. It would only be for three or four days. We would have to make that very clear to them. They have to understand that they will be coming back here."

Viki and Sam were ecstatic. "Susannah I think that's a wonderful idea. You know Todd never had a happy Christmas growing up. I guess that's no surprise. He never had a happy anything," Viki stated sadly.

"I was thinking that perhaps you could take Todd home day after tomorrow. That would allow him to be home for Christmas Eve. We could get him back to the hospital on Monday. That would give him several days to be with you. Do you think that would work out?"

Viki's smile was huge. "Yes! Absolutely! Susannah, thank you," Viki hugged Susannah tightly.

Susannah smiled and said, "Now, I need to discuss their medication with you. You know how difficult it is to get any of them to take oral medication. You will have to put their meds in juice and make sure they drink it all. We don't want them to miss any doses of the antidepressant and if they become too anxious or agitated they will need to be given an anxiolytic prn. I will also prescribe a slightly higher dose of their sleep med. It will help with the nightmares and allow them to have a deeper sleep."

Susannah sighed. "The supplements are more of a problem. They have a stronger taste and they don't like anything you put them in. You really have to do some coaxing to get those down. Also, you have to weigh him daily, before breakfast. You have to keep a record of everything he eats and drinks and how much urine he puts out and how many bowel movements he has in a day. We have to make sure he's taking in enough calories and fluids and that he's not having any adverse reactions to the medications or starting to retain water. I would also suggest you take some of their toys and things home so they will have some familiar things around."

Viki looked at Sam and pointed out, "You mean in addition to the toy store that Sam is planning on buying out for their presents."

"Hey, I just want to make sure he gets all the things he missed out on," Sam smiled as he confirmed Viki's statement.

"That's okay, I think they could all do with a little spoiling," Susannah laughed.

"Susannah?" Viki asked, "do you have any plans for the holiday?"

"Catching up on my sleep," Susannah answered, smiling.

"Would you like to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with us? You are more than welcome to spend the night."

"I think Tom and Timmy would like that," Sam added.

Susannah was taken back by the invitation. "Wouldn't you like it to be just family?" Susannah stated in her straightforward way.

"Susannah, you are family. Tom and Timmy love you and I know you love them," Viki told Susannah and put her arm around her friend.

Tom was out on Wednesday. He was watching The Rugrats on Nick and didn't notice Susannah when she came to his room. Nancy was with him.

"Did he finish his breakfast?" Susannah asked.

"He didn't finish but he did fairly well, considering it was cereal and not pizza," Nancy laughed as she informed Susannah.

The show had just finished and Tom turned around. He realized Susannah had come into the room. "Hi!" His voice was enthusiastic as he rushed towards her. "Wanna see the new video game Sam got me?"

"Sure," Susannah answered. She brushed his hair back from his face.

After they looked at the game Susannah asked, "Tom, did you know that the day after tomorrow is Christmas?"

"It is?" He was surprised. Then he seemed to get very sad.

"What's the matter honey?" Susannah prodded. She put her arm around his shoulder.

"My dad doesn't like Christmas. He gets extra mad at Christmas. Almost as mad as he gets on Todd's birthday."

This was the first time that either of them had mentioned anything about their past or Peter since they'd been sick. Susannah wanted to pursue what Tom had just told her but she didn't want to him getting upset. So she made a mental note to herself to try to get him to talk about this when they went back to having regular sessions.

"Honey, I promise your dad will not be anywhere near you this Christmas. I have a surprise for you. How would you like to go home for a few days, just to spend the holidays with Sam and Viki, then you would come back here, to your room?"

Tom's eyes got huge. "Really? I can go home to my room at Viki's house? I liked it there. She's got this real long banister and I never got to slide down it because I had to pretend to be Todd."

"Well, this time you won't have to pretend."

"Cause everyone knows I'm me. Right?"

"That's right," Susannah confirmed. She smiled and patting his head.

"Will Coach be there?"

"Oh yes, absolutely. Sam will be there."

"What about Tea? Will Tea be there?"

"I think Tea will be there if she knows you want her to be," Susannah answered. She felt sure Tea would not want to miss being with them on Christmas.

"Can you come, too?" Tom asked. He put his head on Susannah's shoulder.

Susannah hugged him. "If you want me to be there, I will."

"Cool! Now everyone I love will be there." Susannah's eyes filled with tears, as she hugged him tighter. Suddenly, Tom said, "Uh oh."

"Honey, what's the matter?"

"Timmy is crying. He thinks were going without him."

Smiling slightly, Susannah said, "Timmy, you're coming too, sweetie. We would never go without you."

Tom turned towards the left and put his arm "around Timmy" and said, "See, I told you." This was the first time Susannah had seen one of the alters, have physical contact with one of the others. "Don't worry, I take good care of Timmy," Tom said, trying to sound very grown up.

"I know you do honey," Susannah agreed and hugged him.

Sam and Viki spent the most of the next day, excitedly, getting things ready for "Todd" to come home. They bought a huge tree and as Viki knew he would, Sam just about cleaned out Toy's R Us. Viki also picked up presents for Todd, Miss Perkins, Rodd and the others, just in case. Viki made sure there was plenty of frozen pizza in the freezer and chocolate pudding in the fridge. Susannah made sure all of Todd's medications were accounted for. Some of Tom and Timmy's favorite games and puzzles were packed, and of course, Mr. Rabbit. Tom was out when Sam and Viki came to bring him home.

"Come on Tom, I know you're excited, but you have to finish your lunch," Terry was saying to Tom as Sam and Viki walked into the day room. A burger and fries sat in front of him, with just a couple of bites taken. When Tom saw Viki and Sam come in to his room he rushed to them and said, "Can we go now? I'm all ready."

"I'll say!" Terry said, grinning, she added, "He insisted on getting cleaned up and dressed at seven this morning."

"Okay, Boomer we'll leave as soon as you finish your lunch."

"Do I have to? Can't I have lunch later?"

"Tom, I still have to speak with Doctor Hanen before we leave. You have plenty of time to finish your lunch. I'm going to Doctor Hanen's office now, and if you've cleaned your plate by the time I get back we can leave. Okay?" Viki was firm.

"Okay," Tom mumbled, looking down and sulking.

�

"Susannah, he's so excited to be coming home," Viki pointed out, with a big smile on her face. She sat in front of Susannah's desk. "I can't believe that just a couple of weeks ago we came so close to losing him."

"His physical recovery is amazing, especially, considering the shape he was in before he got sick." Susannah agreed.

Susannah handed Viki a sheet of paper. "Viki, let's go over his medication schedule one more time." After that was done Susannah leaned back in her chair and said, "I know I don't have to tell you that you have to keep a close eye on him. He can't be left alone."

Viki was touched by the fact that Susannah sounded more like a concerned parent than Todd's doctor. "Susannah have you given any more thought to my invitation?"

"Well, actually, I did promise Tom I would be there to at least visit with him while he was home."

"Susannah, Sam and I would really love it if your would stay over Christmas Eve into Christmas Day. I've invited Larry Wolek over for Christmas dinner. I know he would be very happy to see you there." Viki knew that Larry always spoke of Susannah with great fondness. "I've also invited Tea. Do you think I did the right thing doing that?"

"I don't see any problem with that. Tom expressed his wish to have Tea there. Both Timmy and Todd seem to really care for Tea and want her to care for them."

Viki nodded in agreement and remarked. "It turns out that Tea is very good with them, once she got over her initial fear of seeing Todd that way."

Susannah already knew Blair and Starr would not be there, that they would be spending Christmas with Dorian. Susannah felt that, since in all likelihood, Tom or Timmy would be out and since it was Todd's first time home and things were unpredictable it would be best if Starr were not there.

"What about your kids Viki? Will any of them be there?"

"Well, Joey is spending Christmas Eve with Kelly, but they may stop by Christmas Day. Jessie has decided to stay with Clint for the holiday."

"What about Kevin? Does he know Todd will be home for Christmas?"

"Yes, I spoke with him yesterday. Susannah, it's really sad. Kevin and I are like two strangers who work together. We pass in the hall and nod. We discuss business. That's it. If the subject of Todd comes up, we just end up in an argument. Kevin thinks Todd is just using me and this illness to stay out of jail or that he is just doing this for my attention."

Susannah was surprised. "Viki, surely Kevin must realize how ill Todd is by now. I mean if nothing else he does know how close Todd came to dying? Doesn't he?"

"Yes, he knows."

"He couldn't possibly think Todd was pretending that?"

"Kevin's resentment of Todd goes way back. You know the history there. It just seems like something more now. Ever since Kevin found out Todd was my brother his resentment of my relationship with Todd has just grown and grown. Kevin was never jealous of any time Clint or I spent with Joey or Jessica, but I know he resents every second I have ever spent with Todd. Frankly, as much as I want him there, a part of me is hoping he'll go to Dorian's with Cassie. So, not to change the subject, but will you be joining us?"

Susannah smiled and answered. "All right, yes."

"Susannah, that's wonderful! I know Tom and Timmy will be thrilled to have you there with them."

Susannah knew in her heart that the main reason she accepted was her need to be with them too. She wanted to be there with them, just in case there was a problem.

"Wow! Look at the big tree you got." Tom's eyes were huge as he took in the tree. "How come it's not decorated?"

"Because we were waiting for you, Boomer."

Tom's smile reached from ear to ear. He was so excited he was jumping up and down. "Can we do it now?" He begged.

"Wouldn't you like to rest for a little while first?" Viki asked.

"No, I want to decorate the tree . . . No, first I want to see my old room," Tom exclaimed and headed for the stairs.

"Don't run!" Viki called after him, but he was already half up the stairs and didn't even hear her. Viki looked at Sam. His smile was as big as hers. They hugged each other, sharing the mutual joy of watching "their kid."

Both, Tom and Timmy "shared" the tree decorating. They were switching back and forth so fast that it was getting difficult to keep track of who was who. At one point Tom went inside and Timmy alone was out. He was sitting cross-legged in front of the tree, looking up at it. Suddenly, he pulled into his "little ball" position. Sam and Viki immediately knew what that meant. Something was reminding Timmy of something from his past.

Sam sat down on the floor next to him and put his arms around him. "Timmy? Hey buddy, what's wrong?"

"Daddy threw the tree over."

"Why did he do that?"

"Mommy gave me a present and said Santa knew I was a good boy."

"And that made daddy mad?"

Nodding his head, Timmy answered, "Real mad. Daddy took my present and threw it in the garbage. I didn't even get to see it. Then he threw the tree down. Mommy ran upstairs crying."

"What did daddy do to you after mommy went upstairs?" Sam inquired cautiously.

Timmy folded into his "little ball" position even tighter and started rocking back and forth. Sam knew he'd better not ask any more questions. He did not want this day spoiled for them.

"Timmy, it's okay, you don't have to talk about it anymore. You don't even have to think about it. I want to tell you that I have spoken to Santa and he knows for sure that you are a very good boy. He's coming here just to bring you lot's of presents. In fact, he's going to make this his first stop."

Timmy lifted his head and stared up at Sam. "He thinks I'm a good boy? Really!"

"He thinks you're the best boy in the whole world," Sam replied. He hugged Timmy tightly.

Viki could see that Timmy looked tired. As proof, he didn't resist when she suggested he go upstairs and take a nap. Viki tucked him in and kissed his forehead and then sat on the bed and waited for him to fall asleep. She thought about how grateful she was to be given this opportunity.

Susannah had arrived by the time Viki came back downstairs. Sam had filled her in on everything that had gone on since they came home. Susannah was a little concerned about the memory Timmy had of Peter. She was relieved that Sam had been able to talk him through it without incidence. Susannah volunteered to go up and sit with Timmy so Viki and Sam could have some time alone.

Snuggling down into Sam's arms Viki looked at the tree that Tom and Timmy had taken such joy in decorating. For a few moments, she felt at peace. She knew that once the holidays were over Susannah would be starting regular therapy sessions again and Sam and Tea would be going to Bo. She wondered if Michelle's parents were somewhere out there thinking about their little girl. Viki pushed all these thoughts from her mind. She was going to allow herself to have a good holiday.

The rest of Christmas Eve was fairly uneventful. Timmy woke up and was thrilled to see Susannah there. He held out his arms for a hug, which she happily gave him. Tom came back after a while and proudly showed Susannah the decorated tree.

"Well, you boys certainly did a beautiful job," Susannah complimented.

They sat down for dinner and the meal went without incident. Tom's meal consisted of spaghetti, chocolate milk and brownies. He had no interested in even tasting the "grown up food." Susannah made sure he had his evening meds. He and everyone else in the house were able to get a good night's sleep.

When they awoke the next morning it seemed that both Tom and Timmy were once again out simultaneously. They both chattered so excitedly to each other it was hard to tell who was speaking. Sam helped them get washed and dressed.

"Don't forget to brush your teeth," Sam called after them, but they were already on their way down the stairs.

Susannah and Viki were sitting in the living room having coffee when Tom and Timmy ran past them and swooped down under the tree.

"Hey, don't we get a good morning?" Viki asked. Her eyes were shining with love for them.

"Oh yeah! Good morning. Come on Timmy." Tom held out his hand to Timmy. They ran back to where Viki and Susannah sat. Tom gave them both a really quick kiss on the cheek and Timmy followed his lead and did the same. Then the boys ran back and dove under the tree once more to see their presents.

Just about every conceivable kind of video game, toy car, truck, puzzle, coloring book, sketch book, drawing implement, stuffed animal, board game, and comic book, were in one box or another.

"Is all this stuff really for us?" Tom asked incredulously.

"You bet, Boomer. Santa wanted to make sure you got plenty of presents."

"Santa thinks we're real good," Timmy piped up.

"That's right. Santa thinks you are the best boys ever," Viki confirmed.

They suddenly stopped playing. It looked as though Tom was whispering something to Timmy. "We'll be right back," Tom said to Sam, Viki and Susannah and ran up the stairs.

They all looked at each other wondering what he was up to. Sam started to follow them upstairs. He knew they couldn't be left alone. Sam only had a chance to get halfway up the stairs when the boys came running back down. They saw they had a some small packages in their hands. They were awkwardly wrapped in gift wrapping paper with slightly askew bows on them.

Tom and Timmy sat on their knees in front of the couch where Viki and Susannah sat. Sam sat next to Viki. One by one, they handed everyone the presents they had made for them. They handed Susannah a bracelet and Viki a necklace and Sam a tie clip. "We made these ourselves in the art room. Laura helped us a little, but we made most of it ourselves. Terry got us the wrapping paper and the bow. She helped us sneak them in our suitcase so they would be a surprise," Tom announced with a big smile on his face.

Tom pointed to a little wooden charm hanging off Susannah's bracelet and said, "See, it's a picture of us. Like the one of your grandparents in your locket."

"We didn't know how to make a locket, so we drawed it on the wood," Timmy added.

Susannah looked at it and saw a picture of four year old Timmy, with short dark hair and brown eyes on one side, and a picture of a seven year old Tom, with long blond hair and green eyes on the other. Tears came to Susannah's eyes. In fact, tears came to all their eyes.

Timmy and Tom stared at the adults and then exchanged looks with each other. "Don't you like them?" Tom asked.

"Oh sweetheart, we love them!" Viki assured him.

"Boys, this is the best present anyone has ever given me," Susannah added.

"That goes for me too," Sam stated, in a voice choked with emotion.

"Then how come you're all crying?" Tom asked.

"Yeah, how come you're crying? Timmy wanted to know too. Both boys were confused by the adult's emotions.

"Well, boys, sometimes grownups cry when they're happy," Susannah informed them.

"They do?" They heard the surprise in Timmy's voice.

"Yeah, we do," Viki stated in agreement. She bent down and took them in her arms and kissed their heads.

"We made something for Tea, too. Is she gonna be here?" Tom asked eagerly.

"Yes, Tea will be here later," Viki promised.

Breakfast was a little bit of a struggle, only because they were eager to get back to their presents. Finally, after shoveling in the last mouthful of food, Tom, with his mouth still full of Cocoa Puffs, pleaded, "Can we go now!" Sam nodded. Tom and Timmy ran back to the living room to play with their new things. Sam followed them.

Tea rang the doorbell at a little after two in the afternoon. As soon as she walked in Tom and Timmy took her by the hand and showed her their presents. Tea had some more presents for the boys. Luckily she had checked with Sam so none of them were duplicates. Tom and Timmy gave her the earrings they had made for her.

"I made one and Timmy made one," Tom announced.

Tea's reaction was much the same as the others. Tom looked at the tears in her eyes. He shrugged and muttered, "grown-ups!" to Timmy. Tom was tired and went inside for a while and Timmy stayed out.

Larry showed up around two-thirty. His face lit up when he saw Susannah. After kissing Viki hello and saying hello to Sam and Tea, Larry sat next to Susannah on the couch.

Timmy was quietly drawing with his new crayons in one of his new coloring books. Larry was a little taken back at the sight of "Todd" sitting on the floor, coloring.

"Timmy, do you know Doctor Wolek?" Susannah asked.

Timmy looked up at Larry and shook his head. "You don't wear a doctor coat, either," Timmy observed.

Larry noticed the difference in his voice immediately. "Well, that's because today I'm just here as a plain old brother-in-law."

"What's a brother-in-law?" Timmy inquired.

"I used to be married to Viki's sister so that makes me her brother-in-law."

Timmy looked confused. "Viki don't have a sister. She's Todd's sister," Timmy pointed out.

Viki kneeled down to Timmy and explained. "A long time ago I had a sister. Her name was Meredith. She died, but Larry is still my brother-in-law."

"Do you miss your sister?"

"Yes baby, I miss her all the time," Viki answered.

"I'm sorry your sister died," Timmy consoled Viki. He put his arms around her and rested his head on her shoulder.

Viki heard the sadness in his voice. "That's okay sweetheart. It happened a long time ago," Viki responded. Timmy went back to his coloring book. Larry looked at Susannah. Seeing Todd like this was not easy to get used to.

They were just about to go into dinner when Kevin showed up. "Well mom, I thought I'd take you up on that invitation. I assume you really meant it."

"Of course, I meant it Kevin. Where's Cassie?"

"She is having dinner at Dorian's." Kevin noticed "Todd" sitting on the floor, still quietly coloring. He was surprised at how thin and pale Todd looked. For one-second he almost felt sorry for him. Then the resentment and sibling rivalry he always felt came right back.

Kevin knelt down to where Timmy sat. "Hello Todd." Kevin's voice had a false cheerfulness to it.

"I'm Timmy," Timmy informed Kevin as he looked up from his coloring book. Timmy looked at Kevin. He looked familiar, however Timmy really didn't remember him. "What's your name?"

Kevin heard this child's voice come out of Todd and didn't believe it for a minute. "Okay, I'll play. My name is Kevin."

"Santa brought me these because he knows I'm a good boy," Timmy smiled and held up his new crayons and coloring book.

"Well," Kevin remarked sarcastically, "Santa must know something the rest of us don't."

"Kevin, can I speak with you in the kitchen?" Viki said, her voice seething with anger.

"Oh come on mom," Kevin started, once they were alone. "You really don't expect me to take this act seriously. Todd Manning believing in Santa Claus! I know he has all of you snowed but give me credit for having a few brain cells intact."

"Kevin, it's not your brain I'm worried about. It's your heart. You have no idea what Todd has had to go through, but you do know that he came very close to dying just a couple of weeks ago. I would think you would have a little compassion for him."

"You mean like the compassion he had for Marty when he tied her down and raped her. Or the compassion he had for me when he let me be accused of raping her. Do you think those are some of the reasons Santa thinks he's such a good boy!"

"Kevin I'm only going to say this to you once. You're my first born son and I love you dearly, but if you are here to torment Todd you may as well leave now. I will not stand for it."

Kevin looked at his mother. He could not believe how gullible she was. "All right!" Kevin said, putting his hands in the air, in surrender. "I will treat Todd with kid gloves. I will take him to the zoo if you want me to."

"All I ask is that you treat him with some compassion," Viki stated coldly.

When they got back to the living room Joey had showed up. Timmy was concentrating on his coloring. Dinner went without any problems. Kevin and Joey were on their best behavior; even though they did exchange looks and rolled their eyes when, after Timmy complained of an upset tummy, Viki got him to eat a little more by feeding him.

After dinner Kevin and Joey decided to go outside and toss a football around. Kevin noticed Timmy watching them as they were about to go out. "Hey Timmy, you wanna toss the ball around with us?" Kevin offered, innocently.

Timmy turned to Viki. "Can I?"

"Oh sweetheart, I don't think that's such a good idea. It's pretty cold out. Why don't you just play with your new toys and books? Maybe you could draw a picture of the tree for me?"

They could see that Timmy was disappointed. Sam stood up. "I'll tell you what, why don't I go out with them and watch them play. I'm sure Kevin won't mind that. Will you Kevin?"

"Kevin looked Sam in the eye and sarcastically replied, "No, hey you were the football coach. Maybe you can give us some pointers?"

Sam got Timmy bundled up and then took him out to join Kevin and Joey. They had been out there for about seven minutes when Viki, Tea, Susannah and Larry heard Timmy shriek in pain. The he started screaming and crying. They ran out.

Timmy was sitting on the ground. His hands were covering his face. He was screaming and crying hysterically. Sam was holding him. He was trying to comfort him and at the same time see how badly he was hurt.

"Timmy it's okay. Let me see. Let me see your face. I won't hurt you. I promise," Sam coaxed to no avail. Sam turned to Kevin. He was furious. "What the hell is wrong with you!"

Kevin looked very nervous. He swiped his hand over his mouth and chin as he said, "Come on Manning! You were the star player. You're telling me that you can't catch a simple pass now?"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Tea cursed Kevin as she pushed past him to get to where Timmy sat.

Susannah and Larry rushed over to Timmy. "What happened?" Susannah asked.

"The ball hit him in the face, hard!" Sam explained. He looked at Kevin as if he could strangle him with his bare hands.

Susannah got down on her knees in front of Sam and Timmy. "All right sweetie, let me see," Susannah said to a still screaming Timmy. "Timmy, I'm going to have to take your hands away from your face so I can see if you got hurt," Susannah told him slowly and calmly. She pulled his hands down. Sam quickly put his arms around Timmy's arms so he couldn't lift his hands back to his face.

Timmy's cries and screams increased. His eye was already turning colors and he had a cut above his left eyebrow. Blood slowly trickled down his face. Viki had gone in for some ice and came running out with it.

"Do you think he's going to need stitches?" Susannah mouthed to Larry so Timmy wouldn't hear her.

Larry knelt down to have a look at Timmy, which only made Timmy cry and scream even harder. "Okay, honey, I'm not gonna hurt you. Timmy, I'm just gonna look at your eye. All right, take it easy," Larry spoke soothingly to the frightened child. Sam continued to hold him tightly and Susannah stabilized his head so Larry could get a good look at his wound. "I think a butterfly will do. Why don't we take him inside? My bag is in my trunk. I'll go get it."

Timmy started to calm down a little. He was cuddled up in Sam's arms. Tears mingled with the blood that had dripped down his cheek. He was sucking on the first two fingers of his right hand and making small whimpering sounds. Kevin, looked at Timmy and thought to himself, "Oh God, I didn't know. I thought it was another one of your games."

They got Timmy in the house and sat him down on the couch. Sam held him tightly. Susannah put some antiseptic on a cotton swab and cautioned, "Timmy, this is going to sting a little." Timmy's body was weak. He tried to pull away but Sam's arms held him tightly.

Timmy started screaming and crying all over again as he felt the sting of the antiseptic. Sam and Susannah spoke to him soothingly as Larry applied the bandage. After a while, he finally started to calm down again. When Viki sat down next to him, he snuggled into her arms. She gently, rocked him back and forth.

Timmy was starting to fall asleep. Kevin looked at him. For the first time he saw what was really in front of him. He looked at the fragile looking young man in his mother's arms. He looked at his bandaged forehead and his now purple and dark blue eye. For the first time, instead of the disgust he would have normally felt at the sight of Todd cradled in Viki's arms, he felt that twinge of compassion his mother was talking about. Kevin knew as surely as everyone else in that room that the person his mother was holding was not the man he hated all these years. It was not Todd Manning. The person he had deliberately thrown the football at. As hard as he could, to see if he would slip and some of that "old Todd Manning football hero instinct" would emerge, was just a helpless four-year-old.

Kevin walked over to Timmy, who was almost asleep. He knelt down near Timmy's head. "I'm sorry Timmy. I'm sorry I hurt you. I won't ever do that again."

"That's okay," Timmy whispered sleepily. Timmy's good heart was quick to forgive. Timmy turned his face towards Viki's chest and closed his eyes.

After Timmy fell asleep Viki carefully got up and laid him down on the couch. She covered him with a quilt. Tea and Larry had gone home. Sam had gone upstairs to change because of the blood he had gotten on his clothes. Susannah watched over Timmy. Viki had gone into the kitchen to make some tea. Kevin followed her in there.

"Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't believe you. I thought it was just more of Todd being Todd."

"Kevin, that was Todd being Todd. Timmy and all the others are Todd being Todd. Honey, I know my relationship with Todd is difficult for you. I also know you have a good heart. I can't go into details with you. I just need you to know that as bad as you could possibly imagine things were for Todd, they were worse. Kevin, Todd is very ill. I think you realize that now. Yes, he did some horrible things. I am not excusing them, but I am forgiving them."

Viki put her hand on Kevin's arm. She looked her son in the eye and finished what she was saying. "And if you knew the things that were done to Todd I think you'd forgive him too."

"Is he getting better? I mean Susannah did let him come home."

"No Kevin, not really. Todd has been too ill, physically, to have therapy. Susannah just wanted him to have a nice holiday before it all hits the fan."

"Before what hits the fan?"

"Kevin, I can't tell you now. You'll find out soon enough. Todd is still in a lot of trouble. He hasn't even begun to come to grips with what was done to him. Just getting some of the secrets out has nearly killed him. Getting him to remember and heal will be even harder. Once his therapy starts again the real work will begin. Todd will need us more than ever"

"There is one difference this time," Kevin said. Viki looked at him. "This time you can count on me." Viki took her firstborn son in her arms and held him.

TO BE CONTINUED

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