****************************************************************************

Even Susannah was stunned by this latest development. For a minute, they all stood there looking at Todd curled into a fetal position on the floor, his right thumb in his mouth.

"Boomer? Todd can you hear me?" Sam stroked Todd's head as he called to him.

There was no response except for a gurgling noise Todd made when Sam touched him. Susannah knelt down and touched his cheek. This made him turn his head slightly towards her. She put her finger in his left hand. His fingers closed tightly around it.

"Todd. Todd," she called to him and turned his face towards hers. He stared into her eyes. She knew he could see her. As she leaned over him the locket she always wore around her neck dangled in front of Todd's face. He reached up for it. He was clearly able to see it. Once it was in his hands he put it in his mouth and started to suck on it. Susannah knew that an infant alter had come out.

Todd was placed in his bed. He once again curled into a fetal position and continued to suck his thumb. He fell asleep in that position. When Terry started another IV on him he woke up crying. Sam and Viki were amazed that his cry sounded like that of an infant. His hands even flailed in the air as he cried, the way an infant's would. He did not seem able to move around very much.

"Todd, it's all right. Sweetheart, it will only hurt for a few seconds," Viki comforted and put her hand on his shoulder. The infant alter continued to cry but he did look up at her.

"Viki," Susannah said, gently, "I don't think he can understand you. He's preverbal."

Viki looked at Susannah and then back down at Todd. She buried her face in Sam's shoulder and began to cry. Sam walked her out of Todd's room and sat her down on a chair in the lounge. After a few minutes Susannah came out of Todd's room and joined them.

"Viki, would you like me to give you a sedative?" Susannah offered. She saw how distraught Viki was.

Viki shook her head and replied, "I'll be all right. It's just seeing him like that. Knowing all he's been through and all he's still going through. Susannah, how much is a human being expected to take?"

"Viki, I think you hit the nail on the head. I think Todd has taken all he can, for now. The last few days have been too much for Todd. That's why an infant alter came out. Todd's system needs to rest and stabilize. This alter will allow for that to happen," Susannah explained carefully.

"So, is this a new alter or do you think this baby has been inside Todd all along?" Sam inquired. Susannah could hear he was as upset as Viki.

"I don't know. It is common for there to be infant alters. There are sometimes disabled alters as well. I don't think any of the alters that we have come to know want to come out at this point. I have to admit that going to the lodge was probably more traumatic for all of them than I had thought it would be. Todd has been looking for a means of escape since he woke up."

Viki realized something. "This baby can see, can't he?"

"Yes, I'm sure he can. You saw how he reacted to my locket and he was able to look us in the eye."

"So, you were right. Todd's blindness was hysterical or that conversion disorder you mentioned." Sam stated.

"Yeah," Susannah said, sadly. "We still have to rule out any organic cause, although I'm sure the CT scan and MRI results will come back normal."

"How long do you think he'll stay this way?" Viki asked, even though she already knew the answer Susannah would give her.

"Viki, I can't predict that. Right now, Todd needs to be in the safe place he's made for himself. As you said earlier, there is just so much anyone can take and I think Todd has reached his limit."

"Can he stay this way forever?" Sam asked fearfully.

"I don't think that will happen. Todd just needs . . ."

"Susannah! Can he stay this way forever!" Sam cut Susannah off.

"Sam, it's possible. We're not dealing with someone's heart or liver. We're dealing with the mind. Anything is possible. I don't believe he will stay this way. I think once Todd and the alters have had some rest they'll be back."

A part of Viki was wishing that she'd never given her permission for Susannah to take Todd to the lodge. Another part of her realized how important it was for them to know what had happened that night. Important for Todd's recovery and for the parents of that poor little girl, if they were still alive and could be found.

They went back inside and noticed that the infant alter was sleeping on his stomach. This was a position neither Todd nor any of the other alters ever assumed.

"Did you turn him on his stomach?" Susannah asked Terry.

"No, he rolled over on his own."

Susannah thought for a few seconds. "Viki, do you know how old Todd was when Irene handed him over to Peter and Barbara?"

"About five or six months old I think. Why?"

"This alter is exhibiting the perfectly normal reactions of a five month old. I think he has gone back to the last time he ever knew any peace in this world, to the last time his life wasn't filled with pain and terror. I believe that is why he is sleeping so peacefully in a prone position. Being face down on his stomach has no meaning to this infant. He hasn't been hurt yet. All this one knows is the life he had with Irene, before he was ever hurt by Peter Manning."

Two weeks had gone by and there was still no change in Todd. The Baby, as they had taken to calling him, was still in control. Sam and Viki stayed at the Baby's bedside most of the day. Susannah was constantly checking on him, but neither Todd nor the other alters ever gave any sign of returning. Susannah tried, unsuccessfully, to call them to the front several times a day and never got a response.

Susannah ordered a nasogastric tube for the Baby to be fed through. At least now he was receiving more nourishment than an IV alone could provide. The Baby had to be cared for, as a five-month-old would be. It broke Sam and Viki's heart to see him so totally helpless. For now, the Baby had to be bathed in bed, put in absorbent, diaper-like, briefs, and a physical therapist came in twice daily to work the muscles of his arms and legs so they wouldn't atrophy. Susannah explained how quickly that could occur when a patient is immobile.

The only upside to this was the peaceful and happy world the Baby seemed to be living in. He began to recognize Sam, Viki, Susannah, and the rest of the staff. He would coo and gurgle happily when they came near him or touched him. As Sam and Viki had with their own children, they would tickle the Baby's stomach and take joy in his smiles and laughter. Sam hung a musical mobile above the bed that played "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star," a song Todd had sung to his daughter. He thought, perhaps it might make Todd come around. Sadly, it seemed to have no special meaning to the Baby. His only reaction was to reach out to touch it and coo happily. This child, whom no one had ever hurt, was full of joy. He was constantly smiling and laughing. If someone bent close to him and spoke he would put his fingers in their mouth and smile or laugh.

The only time he ever cried was if some medical procedure hurt him or if they put the bed at a raised angle. He seemed to be uncomfortable at the forty-five degree angle Susannah wanted the bed kept in and would continue to cry until they lowered it. He also hated to be taken out of his bed and would cry endlessly until he was returned to it. Susannah worried about keeping him in a supine position for so long.

The baby could roll over on his own and his favorite sleeping position was on his stomach. This had been the longest time in all these months that Todd's body and mind had truly gotten a chance to rest and heal and be nourished. Susannah had a feeling that some instinct in Todd knew what he needed and he was giving it to himself. He is a survivor, she thought to herself. Yet, Susannah was concerned by the infant alter staying out this long.

Tea had not been keeping in contact with Viki, Sam or Susannah for weeks now. At first her daily phone calls were reduced to once or twice a week and then to none. Sam was angry with her, but Viki understood. Tea, her own self preservation instincts still in tact, could simply not handle what had happened to the man she loved, the man she had dreamt of having a normal life with someday. Todd's condition had virtually wiped out every one of Tea's dreams.

Although Tea had been asked out on many occasions she had no interest in "dating." She still considered herself to be Mrs. Todd Manning. Tea's days were not empty. Several weeks ago, as she was sitting in Carlotta's Diner trying to decide if she was doing the right thing by staying away as Todd had demanded, Tea heard a friend of Carlotta's crying to her about a problem she was having with her landlord. This woman did not have the means to hire a lawyer and from the pieces of the conversation Tea could hear she knew she desperately needed one. Tea volunteered to help in any way she could. The woman was victorious in court and word of Tea's help spread throughout Angel Square. Before Tea knew it she had a little pro-bono practice going.

Tea thought back to the beginning of her career, and the last time that she had done pro-bono work. She remembered how she had resented not getting paid for her services, how all she dreamed about was getting into a prestigious firm. Now she felt the most enormous satisfaction in helping these people, her own people, to fight the injustices that befell them. "Todd has given me that," Tea thought. Without the worry about money or where her next meal was coming from, Tea was free to follow her heart. Todd had given her that freedom.

Tea was surprised when Viki had called her and asked if she and Sam could come see her at her office.

"How is Todd?" Tea asked, as if she were talking about a mere acquaintance.

"He's not doing very well," Viki responded, shaking her head as she answered.

"In case you're truly interested," Sam began bitterly. "Todd has dissociated to an infant and he's totally helpless! They're feeding him through a tube and his only means of communication is baby chatter. Oh yes! And right before that he became blind! Just in case you're interested!" Sam was not able to hide the anger he felt at the coldness in Tea's voice as she asked about Todd.

What Sam didn't know was that Tea's coldness was her way of protecting herself from her feelings. Sam wasn't aware of the nights Tea would cry herself to sleep when she allowed herself to think about Todd. He didn't know about the guilt that ate away at her and the loneliness that overwhelmed her. He didn't know about the times she wept for a mother to talk things out with or to just put her arms around her and comfort her. Tea would remember what it felt like to put her head in her mother's lap. She longed for that safe and protected feeling that disappeared along with her mother when Tea was little more than a baby. Tea was terrified for Todd. She was consumed with hatred for his parents and for a world that would allow children to be abused and abandoned. Her only recourse was to turn off her feelings whenever any of these thoughts assaulted her brain.

Tea turned as pale as a ghost at Sam's words. She had no idea Todd had deteriorated to this extent. Tea could only manage to stutter, "I-I-I didn't know . . . I . . ."

"How could you know when you haven't even bothered to lift a phone to ask!" Sam was not letting her off the hook.

"Sam, don't. It won't help anything," Viki stated. By now tears had started to fall down Tea's cheeks. "Tea, we do understand your reluctance to be involved in Todd's life right now but . . ."

"Does Sam understand?" Tea asked. She looked defiantly at Sam.

"Tea, Sam . . ."

"I can answer for myself, please!" Sam interrupted Viki. "Tea no, I can't really understand how you were, so easily, able to turn your back on Todd. How you could just leave the hospital one day and never come back? How you were able to completely stop caring? I thought you loved him?"

Tea could not believe Sam didn't understand why she stopped visiting the hospital. "Sam, Todd does not want to see me! He doesn't want me in his life. Even Doctor Hanen said she thought it best I follow Todd's wishes and stay away. What was I supposed to do, force my way into his room and insist that he see me!"

Sam was angry at the world and he would not allow himself to understand Tea's pain "That still doesn't explain why you stopped calling Viki or me to at least find out how he is!"

"Sam, don't you realize how much I still love Todd! Do you think I stopped just like that!" Tea said sharply as she snapped her fingers. "Do you know how many times I start to pick up that phone? At least three or four times a day. I just can't handle it. I can't bear to see Todd that way. I know I should be stronger. I just can't bear it." Tea broke down in sobs. "God forgive me. I just can't." Tea buried her head in her folded arms as they rested on her desk.

Viki looked at Sam. She could tell he felt bad about his outburst. After a few seconds Viki stroked Tea's head and spoke soothingly to this young woman who was in so much pain. "I'm sure somewhere inside Todd's mind he knows you still love him."

Tea composed herself and lifted her tear stained face and asked, "What happened? Why has an infant alter come out and my God! . . . What do you mean he's blind! Was he hurt? Was there an accident? What happened to Todd?!"

Viki and Sam spent nearly the next hour filling Tea in on everything from Todd's severe depression and how it lead Susannah to take him to the lodge to what brought him to this current state.

Tea could not stop trembling and was left speechless as they revealed what they found out about Michelle. Finally she asked, "How could Todd have survived that? How could anyone survive that? My God! His father wasn't a human being. He was a monster. It's no wonder Todd needs to escape his memories. It's no wonder he would see prison or blindness or infancy as a safer road to choose."

They all sat quietly for a minute, then Tea asked, "The baby, is he blind?"

"No," Viki answered.

"Are you sure there is nothing physically wrong with him?" Tea fearfully inquired.

"Yes, he had a CT scan and an MRI and they were both negative. Todd has what Susannah calls a conversion disorder. It's hysterical blindness. There's no physical reason for it. Susannah feels it was a way for him to escape looking at what happened, and to punish himself for being the survivor while Michelle died for something he believes was his fault."

"Tea, we didn't come here today just to fill you in on Todd's condition," Sam admitted.

"Or to make you feel guilty," Viki added.

"Tea," Sam began, "we need your help. We have already waited far too long to tell the police what we learned. We were concerned that the police would insist on questioning Todd, but now that is impossible. I plan on going to Bo tomorrow and tell him what we found out."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Tea asked.

"No, I want you to go to Chicago," Sam answered, surprising Tea.

"Tea, Sam and I need to be here in case Todd comes out of this. We need someone to go to Chicago who is on Todd's side, who will make sure his rights are protected when Bo notifies the Chicago police. Someone who will be there if they are able to find Michelle's body and have it exhumed," Viki explained.

Tea's head was spinning. However her lawyer mentality quickly surfaced. "You said Peter made sure Todd's fingerprints were on the bat. If they find Michelle they will find that too," Tea stated.

"We have to make sure that Todd does not get implicated in the murder. We have to make sure they run the proper DNA test to prove it was Peter who raped Michelle. I think if they can get that on him they will realize he did the murder too," Sam explained.

"Not necessarily, what if they theorize that Todd killed the girl to keep her from telling what his father had done. We have to get conclusive evidence that Peter was the one who swung that bat. We have to make sure that Todd will be beyond suspicion," Tea pointed out.

Sam had thought of this. Then he had pushed the idea out of his mind. Now hearing Tea say it out loud he realized that it was true. Even if they could prove Peter raped Michelle that would not necessarily prove that Todd did not kill Michelle. "Damn you Peter! I hope you're rotting in hell!" Sam thought.

"The gloves!" Tea announced, loudly.

"What about them?" Sam asked.

"Peter had on the gloves. They can run tests on them. There should be some evidence that Peter was the one wearing them. Now, that wouldn't explain why Todd's prints are on the bat, but it would go a long way in explaining why Peter's aren't. It is not such a stretch to reason from there that Peter could have held the bat and forced it into Todd's hands." Sam knew he should have thought of that and was ashamed he hadn't, but he was extremely glad Tea had. "Sam, can you substantiate the abuse? There has to be medical records somewhere."

"Yes, there was a doctor who treated Todd when he was a child. He was a family friend of Todd's mother and he never reported the abuse. Sam has already had him brought up on charges. His records were subpoenaed. He will probably lose his license," Viki offered.

"Do his records specifically note that Todd was abused?" Tea inquired.

"No, they just list the incredible amount of injuries that Todd sustained over the years. Tea, anyone who looks at them would have to know that the child written about in those charts was beaten within an inch of his life and sexually abused."

Tea grimaced as Sam said this. She was trying to handle this objectively, an attorney doing her best for her client, but this was Todd they were talking about. Her Todd! The only man she had ever truly loved. She knew being objective would be impossible.

Tea asked Sam to wait two more days before he went to Bo. She needed to clean up some loose ends for some of her current clients. She also needed some time to plan her strategy. They also decided that they would start the search for Michelle's parents before Tea left for Chicago. If they were still alive they had to be found and both Tea and Sam knew it would be best if they were the ones to approach Michelle's parents before the police did.

After Sam and Viki left Tea took out a picture of Todd and Starr that she kept in her wallet, and stared at it. "Oh God, Todd how did it all come to this?" She thought out loud. Then Tea remembered back to when she first met Todd. She remembered the confidence he'd had in her when he hired her to defend Alex. She thought back to the custody trial. Todd had trusted her to save the most precious thing in his life, Starr.

Tea missed Starr. She loved that little girl as if she were her own. Now, like Todd, Starr was no longer a part of her life, but she was and always would be a part of her heart.

Tea smiled, as she remembered the one, almost normal, time she and Todd had had together. It was the day they discovered Todd's parrot's name was Moose. She remembered that day. She had been in so much pain after Blair had pushed her through that window. She never thought she'd laugh again. Then she and Todd had one of the best times of their marriage laughing over that bird. "Oh Moose" she thought to herself, "is that why you flew away as suddenly as you appeared? Did you know how things would turn out for Todd? Maybe you didn't want to be around to see it either."

Tea then thought back to the time she and Todd went to the Bayberry Inn. Todd had tried so hard. Tea smiled, as she thought about Todd wearing that Santa hat. She realized now how she must have made him feel about himself. She remembered how many times he tried to tell her he just couldn't give her what she needed. The tears streaked down Tea's face as she remembered the night she thought she had lost Todd forever as he swam in the murky waters of the river to retrieve the necklace her mother had given her after she accidentally dropped it in the water. Todd had been so proud as he held it up for her and so gentle when he placed it back around her neck.

All Tea had to do was think of these moments and all the feelings that she had managed to squelch these past couple of months came rushing back so furiously that it almost took her breath away.

Tea was not blind to the dark, violent side of Todd. She did not forget the bad moments and knew she would never allow herself to be treated like that again. She also remembered the good and sweet parts of him. The kindness he tried to hide, the sparks of humanity in him that caused him embarrassment. Todd hated to even think of himself as a human being. Tea knew that she loved and needed Todd. He was a part of her and would be forever. Todd was welded to her heart, mind and soul. Nothing could permanently separate them, not time, not his illness, maybe not even death. If there was a god, Tea believed he meant for Todd to become a part of her life and for her to become a part of his. She believed they both had been left lost and floundering in this world so that they could find each other.

"How has it come to this?" Tea wondered. "How could Todd have been so ill and still function? How could I have missed it?" Tea thought about everything that Sam and Viki had told her about Michelle. Tea remembered how Todd had thrown her out of the cabana that June night when this whole thing had started. "June!" Tea thought. "Five months ago! Todd was still Todd that night. Now?"

"Oh my God, Todd!" Tea said, out loud as she thought about what Sam had said. "An infant? Blind? Maybe we should have just let you be. Oh Todd, what have we done to you?"

Viki and Sam returned to the hospital to visit with the Baby. Viki was the first to notice that he didn't seem as happy or as playful as usual. He was listless, cranky and quiet.

"What's the matter, sweetheart? Is something bothering you?" Viki said to the Baby. She bent down and kissed his forehead. Viki noticed he felt warm.

Viki asked Dave to call in Marcia. "Did the Baby have a fever this morning?"

"No, his temp was normal this morning, why?" Marcia asked Viki in a concerned manner.

"He feels warm now," Viki replied. She felt his head again.

Marcia felt his head and went to get the thermometer. "A hundred and one point four," Marcia confirmed, with a worried expression on her face. "I'll get Susannah," she added.

Viki watched Susannah's face as she examined the Baby. She noticed Susannah's expression turn to one of concern when she listened to his lungs. "Susannah, what is it? What's wrong?" Viki asked fearfully. She took Sam's hand and clasped it tightly.

"His lungs are not clear. I hear rales in both lungs."

"Rales?" Sam asked.

"Yes, it's a crackling sound that can be indicative of pneumonia."

"Pneumonia! My God, how did he get that?" Sam was shocked.

"Todd probably has what is called anaerobic pneumonitis or what is more commonly called hypostatic pneumonia. It sometimes occurs when a patient is immobile for long periods of time. The lower areas of the lungs are poorly aerated and collapse due to lack of deep breathing. Pressure from nearby tissues and organs and gravity contributes to fluid congestion and capillary pooling. This congestion contributes to infection by promoting the development of bacterial or viral pneumonia."

"I don't understand. He moves around on his own and the physical therapist moves him around. You sit him up. You keep the angle of the bed adjusted to try to prevent this," Viki declared.

"It's not enough and Todd is in a generalized weakened condition. He just doesn't have the resistance to fight off things like this," Susannah responded sadly.

The Baby woke up coughing and started to cry. Viki rushed to him. She felt his forehead. It was already much warmer than it was before. Another temp was done on him, 102.2. The Baby was quickly becoming a lot sicker.

The Baby was moved to a medical floor. A chest x-ray was ordered and he was started on massive doses of antibiotics. A pulmonary specialist was called in. It was apparent that he was having trouble breathing.

The Baby no longer laughed or reached for objects and did not have the strength to roll over on his own. Sam and Viki had taken turns sitting by his bedside the entire night. Once again Susannah stayed in her office and checked on him throughout the night. Susannah couldn't help but wonder if any of these latest crises would have happened if she had not taken Todd to the lodge.

By morning the Baby's temperature had risen to 104.8. His breathing was becoming very labored. Susannah knew he would probably have to be put on a ventilator.

Sam and Susannah were sitting in the Baby's room. Sam was filling Susannah in on the meeting he and Viki had with Tea. Viki was standing by the bed, applying a cool cloth to the Baby's head when they heard her scream.

"Susannah!"

The Baby was having a febrile seizure. Susannah quickly turned him on his side and buzzed for assistance. The seizure lasted a little over two minutes, but to Viki and Sam it seemed to go on forever. Todd's face turned red and contorted in a tight grimace, his entire body jerked, as his muscles contracted and relaxed uncontrollably. His temperature had risen to 105.2.

The medication, cool sponge baths, and compresses were not reducing his fever. An anesthesiologist, a respiratory specialist, a cardiologist and a nephrologist were all called in to consult. Todd's heart was weakening and he was going into renal failure.

The few months of not eating or sleeping from the time Todd discovered Georgie's body added to the trauma of the last few months in the hospital. Everything Todd had been through was taking it's toll. Todd's young, strong body had deteriorated to the point where the pneumonia was difficult to fight off. It ravaged it's way through him. One by one his organ systems were breaking down. There was no choice. He had to be put on a ventilator. Todd was moved to ICU.

Normally, visiting hours in the ICU were much more restrictive then they were in the regular rooms. However, Larry Wolek arranged for Viki and Sam to have as much access to Todd as they wanted. Larry had never been a big fan of Todd's, but he was greatly distressed to see the condition this young man was in. He understood how grave Todd's condition was and told Susannah that she should prepare Viki in case the worst should happen. Susannah knew that he was right, but to hear him say it out loud was more than she could bear. Susannah had not taken Todd this far and put him through this much only to lose him.

Viki and Sam stood by Todd's bed and looked down at him. They looked at each other. Each thinking the same thing. "You can hardly find Todd under all the equipment that's keeping him alive."

Todd was unconscious. The constant beeps of the heart monitor and the whooshing sound of the ventilator were the only sounds in the room. Todd's hands, feet and legs were swollen with the fluid his failing heart and kidneys could no longer rid his body of. Tubes and IV's seemed to be inserted into every part of his body. His chest rose and fell as machines kept him alive.

"Come on Boomer! You can lick this! You've gotten through worse. Don't quit on us now. Don't quit on yourself! I know I wasn't much of a father to you when you needed me. I swear to you Boomer, if you give me the chance now I'll never let you down again. I'll never let anyone hurt you. I'll do whatever it takes to protect you. You don't have to be afraid. Todd, don't give up! So many people love you. We're waiting for you, for all of you. Boomer, don't give up! Don't . . ." Sam's voice trailed off as tears slowly slid down his face.

Viki took Sam in her arms and comforted him. "Sam, Todd is a fighter and so am I. Maybe it's something we both inherited from Father. I will not let Todd give up. I will not lose my brother to Peter Manning."

Viki persuaded Sam to go to the cafeteria and get something to eat. She promised she would do the same after he returned. Now, alone with Todd, Viki looked at him. She was determined to keep the promise she had just made to Sam and to herself. She would not let her brother die.

"Todd," Viki called to him softly. She took his puffy hand, carefully, into hers, as not to disturb the IV that was running into it. "They tell me that you can't hear me, but I think you can. I think there is a part of you that knows I'm here and can feel me holding your hand."

Viki thought about all of them. Sweet frightened little Timmy, who responded to Viki's touch like a purring kitten. Timmy . . . who liked to draw and eat chocolate pudding that "mommy made especially for him." Timmy, who could once again find comfort in a stuffed animal and not be afraid he would be punished for holding it. The little four-year-old who was constantly looking for his mommy and confusing Viki, Susannah, and other female staff members with her because of his desperate need to be with her. Tom . . . funny, playful, sad and confused. Tom, with one foot in today and the other back in the house of horrors where he grew up in Chicago. Tom, who liked pizza and chocolate milk and comic books and his beloved video games. Tom, who wanted nothing more, than for "Coach" to be his real father.

Viki's thoughts then went to Miss Perkins. Miss Perkins . . . stern but kind, never giving a thought to her own needs. She lived her life to try to keep "her boys" safe. She tried to keep everyone together in what she knew to be an impossible situation.

Viki never really got to know Rodd that well. What she did know of him she liked. Rodd . . . gentle, sensitive, generous to a fault. Rodd, who cherished and appreciating what little time he had to himself.

Then she thought of little Andy. Viki had only met him that one time, but he left quite an impression. Andy . . . his funny, mischievous smile, his ability to experience joy, despite the torture he'd been through. "I remember my promise to you, Andy," Viki thought, "when you're well you can live with me forever!" Did Andy run away because Peter had tried to kill him?

Her thoughts next turned to Jimmy. Poor tragic Jimmy . . . who believed he was responsible for his mother's death. Jimmy, who lived in constant pain. Jimmy, who never knew the comfort of human touch. The boy so tortured that he believed the only way out of his pain or to be reunited with his beloved mother was to die.

Pete came to Viki's mind. Pete . . . angry, violent, consumed with rage. Pete, who hated the very person he patterned his life after. Pete, who was afraid to feel anything but hate and rage. The fourteen-year-old who lashed out at the world and ended up hurting himself the most. Pete, who claims nothing can hurt him and who doesn't feel pain. The boy who could stand up to Peter Manning.

Then there was the other Todd . . . the boy who endured the hellish night Michelle was killed. The child who hid for almost fifteen years before he was forced out of his safe hiding place.

The Baby . . . happy and joyful. He was innocent to the horrors that life would have in store for him. Was he the child Todd would have been if their father had not forced Irene to give him to the Mannings?

Viki wondered how many others were living in her brother's frail body? Tears spilled down Viki's cheeks as she thought of Todd himself. Todd . . . brilliant and gifted. Good and kind, yet believing he was stupid and bad. Todd, who was strong and determined to survive. Yet, the terror and panic he constantly felt convinced him he was weak. It convinced him he was as much of a loser as Peter always told him he was. Todd, who had never known a happy day or a moment's peace, kept the world away from him so he couldn't be hurt by it. A young man who could not believe or trust in anyone because he had his trust and belief stolen from him when he was still a baby.

Todd would test those who claimed to love him over and over again. He would lash out at everyone before they had a chance to lash out at him. Todd was the boy who grew up to push everyone away from him before they had a chance to reject and abandon him. Todd, who loved so strongly and yet could not feel love when it was returned to him. Who, in fact, tried not to feel at all, but despite Todd's best efforts he felt everything and he felt it intensely. Viki's heart filled with love for her baby brother who had used his brilliance to create this safe haven for himself.

Viki thought about all of them. Then, still holding Todd's hand, she declared firmly, "Todd, you won't leave me! We are more a part of each other than if I had given birth to you. You are my heart. We lost so many years together. I will not give up any more! Todd, I know you can hear me. I know all of you can hear me. I know you can feel my touch and know how much I love you. You will get through this, Todd! You will not leave me to live in a world you are no longer in. I know you love me and I know you love Sam, and Starr, and Tea. You won't leave us! You have fought to survive your entire life. No one has had to fight harder just to exist. You won't stop fighting now. I won't let you! I know how much pain you're in and how easy it would be to just let go. Maybe it's selfish of me? Maybe the kinder thing would be to let you go. I can't! I need you. I need your love and your humor and your sarcasm. Sometimes I need to be able to see the world through your eyes."

Viki took a deep breath. She looked to see if there was any response from him. There wasn't. "Todd, do you know about Sam and me? Do you realize how close we've become? We want to be the family for you that you've never had. You do realize that we think of you as our child. Do you know who much Sam wants to be a father to you, how proud he is of you? Sam has never forgiven himself for not helping you get away from your father. Todd, you have to give him a chance to make it up to you."

Viki stroked his head. "Baby, do you have any idea how much Tea still loves you? Tea would sacrifice anything to be able to have a life with you. You can give her that you know. If you hang in there and continue to fight you can give Tea the one thing she wants more than anything in the world."

Viki's voice broke as she continued. "Oh Todd, what about Starr? What about your little girl? You fought so hard for her, first to be able to keep her, then to save her life. Do you want her to have to grow up without her daddy? Do you want to be nothing more than a memory and a picture to her? Do you want to leave her in this world without you to protect her? Todd, do you know that she never stops asking when her daddy will be coming home? Do you know that she has been saving pictures she draws for you? Blair says she has a whole box full. She calls it her 'Daddy Box.' She is waiting for you Todd, waiting for you to come home and hold her and make her feel special. I know you don't believe you are worth loving, but you're so wrong, Todd. You are! You are worth it more than anyone I've ever known."

Viki bent over and kissed Todd's burning hot forehead and begged, "Todd please! Give us a chance to help you! Let Sam and I be the parents you need. Let us take care of you. Don't leave us!"

Sam had come back in the room just as Viki said this. He walked over to her and put his left arm around her shoulder, and stroked Todd's hair with his right hand and said, "Todd, listen to her, pal. You've got a shot at a whole family here, a mother and a father who love you, a safe place to come home to, and a child and wife who love you. Don't give up now Boomer. Feel us here. We're fighting for you. Just grab on to us. We'll fight for you."

Suddenly, as Sam was pleading with Todd to live, Todd started having another seizure and an alarm went off. Within seconds, Todd's bed was surrounded with medical personal.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING! MY GOD! WHAT'S HAPPENING!" Viki shouted.

"Call a code!" one of the nurses yelled to another.

"You both have to leave now," another nurse said as she pushed Sam and Viki aside.

"NO! I'm not leaving him!" Viki cried.

"Code blue, code blue, ICU three. Code blue, ICU three," Viki heard over the hospital PA.

"Please, you two have to leave, NOW!" One of the doctors ordered.

Viki felt Sam gently pulling her towards the door. "No, Sam! We can't leave him all alone with strangers. You know how frightened he is of strangers," Viki wept, as tears rushed down her cheeks.

As Sam pulled Viki out the door, even more doctors and nurses came rushing toward Todd's bed with even more equipment and machines. Hearing a code called for Todd, Susannah came running to his room. As she approached the ICU she saw Viki and Sam in each other's arms, both were crying. They didn't even see her as she rushed into Todd's room.

Todd was in cardiac arrest. The team worked feverishly over him, trying to shock his heart with a defibrillator. Even more tubes and catheters were being inserted into him. Susannah stood against the wall, to be out of the way. All the training in the world had not prepared her for the emotions that were running through her as she watched Todd dying before her eyes.

Finally, after the fourth attempt with the defibrillator, Susannah heard someone say, "I got a pulse." Todd was still alive, but just barely. Everyone in the room, including Susannah, knew he was holding on by a thread.

"Has his family been spoken with about a DNR?" Doctor Williams, the cardiologist, asked Susannah.

"What?" Susannah asked, feeling like she was in the middle of a nightmare.

"Does his family want him resuscitated no matter what?"

"I don't believe they've been spoken with about that," Susannah answered. Her voice sounded detached and dream-like to her own ear.

"Doctor Hanen, you do realize that a DNR, at this point, is probably the kindest option. Todd may have already sustained brain damage."

All the years of Susannah's professional training seemed to be falling by the wayside. She had lost her objectivity. She was as devastated as Sam and Viki would be by what she was hearing.

Susannah started to walk over to the couch Sam and Viki were sitting on in the waiting area outside the ICU. She knew she had to tell them that Todd was not doing well. He was not responding to the antibiotics or to any of the measures being used to save his life. Todd was close to death.

Susannah couldn't do it. Before they had a chance to see her coming toward them, Susannah went into the doctors' lounge. It was empty. She stood by the window. Susannah realized the view from this window was the same as the one from her office window. The one Todd had spent so much time staring out at. The tears that trickled down Susannah's face quickly gave way to huge sobs that escaped her throat and shook her body. Susannah sank down to the floor under the window; her head met her knees, much like Timmy's little ball position. Susannah wept in a way she had never done before. For the first time, she was truly able to understand the grief a parent felt when they were about to lose a child.

TO BE CONTINUED

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