SECRETS
By: Rosie
Chapter 29

PREVIOUSLY

"Well, if everyone is ready I guess we can leave," Susannah announced. Viki put Timmy's coat on him. She buttoned it up all the way. She put a scarf around his neck to protect him from the cold November day. She then put her own coat on and they were on their way. Susannah wondered, as she unlocked the doors that led off the unit, if Todd or Pete were aware that they were finally getting out, past the doors they had each tried so hard to get through.

***************************************************************************

Sam brought his car to the front of the hospital. Susannah, Terry, Frank, Jeff and Viki waited in the hospital lobby with Timmy. Timmy had been apprehensive about walking through the doors that led off the unit.

"Your daddy is not out there, Timmy. I promise," Susannah had assured him.

Once on the elevator he became afraid of the other passengers. Timmy clutched Mr. Rabbit tightly to his chest and buried his head in Viki's shoulder. Viki noticed some of the other passengers staring at them. She looked back at them coldly and held Timmy close to her.

"This isn't where I live! Where's my house?" A confused and frightened Timmy asked when they got to the street outside the hospital.

"We're not in Chicago, Timmy. We're in Llanview, Pennsylvania," Susannah explained. She could see that Llanview held no meaning for him, any more than Asa's lodge did. He had no idea where he was.

"I wanna go to my house. Maybe my mommy is there?"

"Sweetheart, we're very far away from your house. We can't go there," Viki gently informed him. She was still not sure she did the right thing in allowing Todd to be put through this.

"I'm cold," Timmy complained. His body was not used to the cold outdoor temperatures.

"Well, let's get you into the car," Susannah said, pushing him gently towards the back seat of Sam's car.

Jeff got in first. Susannah gently guided Timmy into the back seat. She then got in next to him. Viki sat in the front with Sam. Terry and Frank followed in Terry's car.

The trip to the lodge was fairly uneventful. At first, Timmy was nervous, but after calming down he started to take some interest in his surroundings and asked some questions about the scenery going by, as they drove. Timmy asked first Susannah and then Jeff to hold Mr. Rabbit up to the window so he could see, too. After a while, Timmy curled up on the seat, put his head down on Susannah's lap, and fell asleep.

"Timmy, wake up sweetie. We're here," Susannah called out softly as she gently shook her patient. She wondered if it would be Timmy who would wake up. To her relief, it was. Timmy seemed even more confused by his environment than he had been and didn't want to get out of the car.

"Where's my mommy? This isn't my house. I want mommy," he whimpered. It took about ten minutes of coaxing and soothing words from everyone but they were finally able to get Timmy to leave the car and walk into the lodge. As had been previously arranged, Frank, Jeff and Terry had gone on in and were waiting in the next room in case Susannah needed them.

"I think we'd better leave your coat on until I get this place a little warmer," Sam said to Timmy, as he turned up the heat and then started to build a fire.

Timmy started to look around the room. Suddenly he rushed into Susannah's arms. He was shaking and terrified. He cried out, "No! He's gonna eat me!"

"Who's going to eat you, sweetie?"

Timmy pointed to the moose head hanging on the wall. "Timmy, that's just a big ol' stuffed moose. He's not real," Sam comforted.

"Asa's decor," Viki remarked, frowning and shaking her head from side to side.

"He's got real big teeth. He's gonna eat me!" Timmy insisted.

"Look pal, look!" Sam poked at the moose head with the fire place poker. "See! It's not real."

Timmy looked up. He finally believed the head on the wall wasn't going to hurt him. He started to calm down. Now that the fire was going Susannah said, "Let's get you comfortable." She took Timmy's coat off. "Timmy, will you lay down on the couch?" Susannah asked.

As usual, Timmy did what he was asked. After first taking Mr. Rabbit's vitals, when Timmy requested, "Do Mr. Rabbit first," Susannah took Timmy's pulse and his blood pressure once again.

Susannah explained to Timmy that she was going to help him get very relaxed as she had done several times before, so he was not frightened by what she planned to do. Susannah had discovered that "The Eye Fixation with Imagery Method" of hypnosis worked best with Timmy. She asked him to hold up a coin slightly above his eye level, and concentrate on just one little spot of the coin. She told him how he would become more and more relaxed. As he relaxed, she told him the coin would start to feel heavier and heavier and drop from his fingers. Then his heavy eyelids would close and his arm would fall back down to rest on his stomach. Once this was accomplished, Susannah continued to talk to him in a slow monotone, further relaxing him and deepening his trance. She guided him to imagine being in his favorite place, which was currently the hospital playroom. She had him see and feel himself there, sitting on a special flying blanket of which he was the pilot. He could take it anywhere he wanted to go and stop and start it at will. He was in control and he was safe.

"Timmy, it's Doctor Hanen. Can you hear me?" Timmy nodded. "Timmy, can you fly your blanket inside for a while and find Todd and help him to come out and speak with me? Then you can fly your blanket back inside or to the playroom and go to sleep for a while. Todd, I want you to let Timmy know where you are so he can help you to come out."

"Todd's hiding," Timmy spoke up slowly.

"I know he is, sweetie. Todd, I know you feel safer when you hide but I want you to come out and talk with us. You'll be safe here. Viki and Sam are here and we won't let anything bad happen to you. Todd, let Timmy take your hand and bring you to us on his special flying blanket. You'll be safe here."

"Can he actually see the alters when he's inside?" Sam asked. Susannah held her finger up to her lips to let Sam know not to speak at this point.

"Todd, Timmy is very tired and he wants to go inside and sleep. Won't you please come out," Susannah coaxed. To the surprise of all three of them, they saw Todd's hand reach out as if he were taking someone else's hand in his and watched as his fingers closed around the hand he was holding.

"Todd's here, but he's real scared," they heard Timmy's voice say.

"Thank you, Timmy. Todd will be safe. We'll take care of him. Now, I want you to go inside and go to sleep. Todd will be safe with us."

They watched in amazement as Timmy let go of Todd's hand and went inside. Todd, apparently realizing he was alone, tensed up. The physical change was unmistakable. Todd's body actually seemed to grow taller. His face became more angular. This clearly was no longer Timmy.

"Todd can you hear me?" Susannah asked. He nodded yes. "Todd, coming out of your hiding place and letting Timmy see you was a very brave thing to do. You are much stronger than you think you are."

"I'm so tired. Please leave me alone. Don't make me," Todd pleaded.

"Don't make you what, Todd?"

"I don't want to be here. I just want it to stop."

"Do you know where you are?"

"Hospital," Todd answered.

"No, we left the hospital for a little while. You are in Asa's lodge," Susannah informed him.

"No! No!" Todd cried out. He was shaking his head from side to side.

"Todd you're safe here. It's November 17th, 1998. Sam and Viki are here. You're safe. No one is going to let anything or anyone hurt you. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. You will be able to talk about things that happened in the past and know they are not happening now. You'll know that now you are safe."

Todd calmed. Susannah allowed him to rest for a few minutes. She began again, slowly. "Todd, can you hear me?" Todd nodded. "Todd, I'm going to take you back to the night Georgie Phillips died."

"No! Please, I don't want to," Todd begged.

"It'll be okay. It's not happening now. You're just going to tell us what you were feeling."

Susannah took his pulse. His heart was beating at ninety-seven beats per minute. Despite her calming words, Todd was already in panic mode and they hadn't even started yet. Susannah wondered if she should administer a little more sedation. The problem was, she wanted him as alert as possible.

"Todd, I want you to take a deep breath through your nose and let it out through your mouth." He did as he was asked. "Okay, once more." Todd took another breath. "Todd, you're feeling very calm and relaxed. I know you want to go back inside your head, to the safe place you found, but I need you to stay with us and tell us what happened. If you start to feel afraid I want you to take a deep breath and hear my voice telling you that it is just a memory and that it's not happening now. Todd, I going to have you open your eyes and become fully aware in a min . . ."

"No!" Todd's voice cut Susannah's off in mid-sentence. He was now violently shaking his head from side to side.

"You don't want to open your eyes and be here in the room with us?" Susannah asked, Todd shook his head no. "Are you afraid to come and talk with us?" He nodded his head yes. "There's nothing to be afraid of. Anything you might remember happened a long time ago. You can talk about it and still be safe. Right now, you are here with Viki and Sam, and me. Nothing can hurt you. You will be able to talk about things that happened a long time ago and know that it's not happening now. All right Todd, I'm going to ask you to open your eyes, but you will still be in a trance. When I tell you to relax your trance will deepen again. You are going to go back to the night you walked in here and saw Georgie on the floor. You will be able to hear my voice and answer my questions. I'm going to count from one to three. On one you'll start to wake up, on two you'll open your eyes and on three you'll be awake and you will have just seen Georgie on the floor."

"No! Please, don't make me." Todd whimpered.

Seeing Sam, sitting there, grasping the arms of the chair, his knuckles white, Viki knew that, like her, he wanted to grab Todd and get him out of there. He wanted save him from the pain he was going through. Viki reached over and took Sam's hand into hers and whispered, " Susannah won't hurt him."

"Okay Todd, here we go," Susannah continued, "one," Todd's body tensed, "two," his eyes opened, "three," Susannah said, snapping her fingers. Every muscle in Todd's body tightened.

Todd stood up and walked over the spot where Georgie's body had lain. He seemed unaware of anyone else in the room. "Todd, tell me what you're seeing?" Susannah prompted.

Todd bent down closer to the spot where he was seeing Georgie. "It's that girl. The one who gave me the envelope." Todd looked around and went through the motions of picking something up.

"What did you see Todd? What are you holding?" Susannah asked.

"It has blood all over it," he replied. His hands were shaking.

"What has blood all over it?" Susannah pressed.

"The baseball bat," Todd answered and then his hands opened up letting the bat drop. Todd put his hands up to his ears and shrieked, "NO! IT'S TOO LOUD! IT'S TOO LOUD!"

"What's too loud?" Susannah asked.

"Bo hit Georgie with the bat. I saw him. I heard it!" Todd lowered his hands. "She tried to get away and he hit her. IT'S TOO LOUD!" Todd shrieked. Once again, he held his hands up to his ears.

Viki and Sam both looked at Susannah. They all knew that what Todd was describing never happened. "Todd I want you look at Georgie and describe her to me. Tell me what she looks like and what she's wearing," Susannah instructed.

Todd looked down at the floor and started describing what he saw. "She's so pretty. She has long brown hair and her eyes are open. Her eyes are so blue, but they aren't moving. I don't think she can see me. She's wearing a blue sweater and skirt. It's torn. I once told her she looked real pretty in that outfit."

Susannah looked toward Sam and Viki, her eyes asking about the accuracy of what Todd had just described. They both shook their heads.

"It's cold! It's so cold. It's too cold, don't make me! It's too cold!" Todd cried out.

"Todd, I want you to come sit down on the couch," Susannah instructed. He did as he was asked. "Todd, I want you to close your eyes." Again, he did as Susannah requested.

"Todd, I want you to relax, I'm going to put you back into a deep trance. I'm going to count three to one. With each number, you will feel more and more relaxed. You'll feel totally relaxed and calm when I get to one."

Viki and Sam looked at each other, not sure what Susannah was doing. "One!" they heard Susannah say and saw that Todd was relaxed and quiet, once again. "Todd, we're going to leave the night Georgie died. We're going to go back to the night of your fourteenth birthday."

Hearing this, Sam jumped to his feet and shouted, "NO!"

Susannah looked at him, and at Viki, who was clearly as frightened as Sam, and calmly said, "It will be okay." Sam took a deep breath and sat down again.

Todd, upon hearing what Susannah said, started to tremble and cry out, "No! No! I don't want to! I'm scared!"

"Todd, it's just a memory it can't hurt you. You're not alone. Remember? Sam and Viki are here, too. If it gets too scary we can stop."

" No, please! I'm so scared don't make me!"

Susannah hesitated. Viki looked at her. She saw pain written on Susannah's face. She realized how hard this was for her and realized how much Susannah cared for Todd. Vicki knew that putting Todd through this was tearing Susannah's heart out.

"Todd, take a deep breath . . ." Susannah went back through the ritual of calming him. "Okay, Todd, I want you to just relax for a few minutes."

Susannah got her medical bag. She took Todd's blood pressure. "One hundred and ten over seventy," she informed Sam and Viki reassuringly. She checked Todd's pulse and respiration. "He's okay," she added.

"Todd, it's Doctor Hanen. Can you hear me?" Todd nodded. "I'm going to count to three and when I get to three it will be your twenty-fifth birthday." Todd didn't protest. "One, two, three," Susannah counted slowly. "Todd where are you?"

"I'm at the country club." Todd's hands reached up near his neck and he went through the motions of holding something that had been around his neck.

"What do you have in your hand?" Susannah asked.

"A key. My da . . . Peter gave it to me before he died." Viki and Sam exchanged looks.

"Todd, we are going to your twentieth birthday. What are you doing?"

Todd stood up, staggered a few feet forward, and started to laugh. "Hey man, let's do that again. Let's find a higher hill. Come on, Zack! Hey man what are you chicken?"

They all noticed that Todd's words were slurred as he said this. "Todd what are you doing?" Susannah asked.

"Sledding down the hill on trays from the cafeteria. I think I had too many beers," Todd answered. He was laughing. "I can see two Zacks and one is more than enough. My birthday, Zack pays for the beers," Todd slurred. Viki smiled at the thought of Todd in a happier more carefree moment.

"Todd, it's now your fifteenth birthday, what are you doing?" Susannah continued his regression.

"Sam can we go on the roller coaster one more time and then back to the fun house? No thanks; I don't want another hot dog. How about another jelly apple instead? I wish we could do this every day," Todd declared, smiling and looking up at the Sam his mind's eye saw and not the one sitting in the room.

Tears filled Sam's eyes as he remembered that conversation. He knew Todd was remembering the day he had taken him to an all season amusement park for his fifteenth birthday. Sam remembered how it seemed Todd wanted to stay there forever and not let this one day of happiness end. He remembered how, when he had pulled up to Todd's house at the end of the day, Todd kept thinking of things to say; trying to postpone having to go back into his house for as long as he could.

"That seems like a very nice memory," Susannah stated.

"I love Sam. I wish he was my father. I wish he would take me home with him. Maybe if I'm really, really good and I do better in school Sam will want me to live with him?" Todd said, wistfully. Viki saw the tears that fell from Sam's eyes. She took his hand and squeezed it.

Susannah continued cautiously, "Todd it's now the afternoon of your fourteenth birthday. What are you doing?" Viki, Sam and Susannah held their breath, however Todd stayed calm.

"Watching television," Todd replied. He sat down on the floor. They could see Todd's right hand going through the motions of channel surfing. He stopped for a minute and murmured, "Lucy! Oh, I saw this one a thousand times." He continued to go through the motions of changing the channels.

"Todd, what time is it?" Susannah asked.

"Two o'clock in the afternoon." He answered and stood up and started to walk away. Susannah gently held on to his arm and asked, "where are you going?"

"To the kitchen. I'm hungry. I forgot to eat lunch."

"Todd, it's now four o'clock on the afternoon of your fourteenth birthday."

Todd sat down on the floor again. He appeared to be leafing through something to read. "I wish school would start again. I'm bored!" He complained. He flung down the Mad Magazine he thought was in his hands.

"Okay Todd, it's now four-thirty on the afternoon of your fourteenth birthday." Susannah stated.

Todd smiled, "Dumb cartoon," he muttered to himself. Then he looked off to the side. A frightened look appeared on his face. Then he quickly became passive again.

"Did something frighten you?" Susannah asked.

"I thought it was time for my father to come home, then I remembered he's going out tonight and will be home real late." Suddenly Todd got a surprised look on his face. He stood up, walked a few feet and stood there. His hand reached out to the doorknob he was seeing.

"Tell me what's happening," Susannah instructed.

"The doorbell is ringing. No one is supposed to be coming here." Todd went through the motions of looking through a peephole. Todd seemed to panic. His breath was coming faster. Then he calmed down. He brushed his hair back, straightened his clothes, and went through the motions of opening the door. "Yeah, I love chocolate cake. It's my favorite," Todd exclaimed."

Susannah, Viki and Sam all exchanged looks. "Todd, who are you with?" Susannah pushed.

"Michelle," he answered calmly. He then started to look nervous. "What are you doing now?" Susannah asked.

"I can't find any matches, " Todd answered, doing what looked like the opening and closing of drawers. "I don't want to get in trouble," he whispered to himself.

"What will get you in trouble?" Susannah pressed.

"Taking my dad's cigarette lighter. Michelle is disappointed if we can't light the candles," Todd sighed in dismay.

Appearing to open one more drawer, Todd lifted something out of it. He walked a few steps. He lifted the top of the lighter and flipped the flame on with his thumb. He then proceeded to light fifteen candles. Todd looked down smiling and blushing as he heard Michelle sing Happy Birthday to him.

Suddenly Todd looked off to the side. Horror etched his face. "M-M-Michelle just b-brought me a b-birthday cake. W-w-we weren't doing anything w-wrong," Todd stuttered. Todd looked at the floor. He saw the cake Michelle had baked splattered all over it. "Dad please! Don't!" Todd begged. "Oh, God!" He said to himself.

"Todd, it's not happening now. Tell me what you're seeing," Susannah asked.

"My dad is calling Michelle a whore and a slut and a filthy little bitch. He's got her by the arm and he's throwing her out of the house. He's telling her how stupid and worthless I am and that she needs to get herself a boy who acts like a man and not like a little girl," Todd cried. He looked ashamed and clearly devastated by what had just happened. "No! We weren't doing anything," Todd insisted loudly.

"What is your father saying to you?" Susannah continued to press.

"He said, 'Don't you raise your voice to me. Are you screwing around with that little tramp right in my own house? Is that what you do when I'm not home?' She only came to bring me a birthday cake," Todd responded. Tears filled his eyes.

"What did your dad say then?"

"He said, 'You really think that junior slut likes you? She was laughing at you! She came here tonight so tomorrow she could tell all her friends what a pathetic loser you are.' Oh God!"

"Todd, what is it? What's happening now?" Susannah persisted.

"I still have the lighter in my hand. He sees the lighter." Suddenly, Todd's arm thrust forward. He held it straight out, as if it were being held still by someone.

"Tell me what's happening?" Susannah prompted.

"He wants to play the game different tonight. It's an experiment. He wants me to hold my hand over the flame for as long as I can, not just for a minute. I don't want to. Oh God, I just want him to leave me alone. I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't! I don't want to be hurt anymore." Then just as suddenly Todd pulled his arm away and "looking his father in the eye," he said, "NO!" Todd stood frozen to the spot, staring at the father he saw in his mind. Sam Viki and Susannah froze as well. Their hearts were pounding.

"You dare to say no to me, you little bastard! Who the hell do you think you are! You're nothing but the son of a Goddamn slut. Do you think because some whore came to give you a cake that makes you some kind of man? Give me your hand!" Todd heard Peter say as he felt him grab his arm.

Again, Todd's arm shot out in front of him. He just stared straight ahead as he felt the flame under his hand. Susannah knew that he had "gone away inside his head." Todd put his hands to his ears. "He's crying. Make him stop!"

"Who's crying?" Susannah asked.

"I don't know it sounds like a kid. It's getting louder. Make him stop! Make him stop! I don't want to hear him!"

Susannah remembered Todd mentioning something before about hearing a child cry. She remembered it happened when he was discussing Georgie. "Can you see the child? Can you tell where the crying is coming from?"

"No." Todd cried.

"Look around and see if you see the child," Susannah suggested.

Todd looked around him, but he wasn't seeing the room where he physically stood. He was seeing a place in his mind. "I can't find him." Todd pushed his hands against his ears. His eyes were squeezed shut. He backed into the wall, crying, "No, I'm scared. I wanna go back. Don't make me. Please! Let me go back!" The voice was similar to Todd's, but not quite. When Susannah approached him, he scrambled away, to the corner of the room.

"Todd, you know I won't hurt you," Susannah gently assured him. He stared at her, still terrified. "Do you want Viki or Sam to come help you?" Susannah pointed to them.

"I don't know Viki. I'm scared! Who are you?"

Susannah's pulse quickened when she realized this was yet another alter they had never met. "My name is Susannah Hanen. I'm Todd's doctor. Can you tell me your name?" Hearing this Sam and Viki looked at each other with fear in their eyes.

"I don't know. I don't think I have a name. This isn't the same house."

"The same as what, sweetheart?" Susannah asked.

"The same as the one I was in, Todd's house. You can call me Todd, too. I had to pretend to be Todd so our father and Michelle wouldn't know it was me. I love Michelle. She's real nice to Todd."

He seemed to be calmer. "Todd, how old are you?" Susannah inquired.

"Fourteen."

"Have you been with Todd since he was fourteen?"

He shrugged his shoulders and replied, "I don't know. I live inside a secret hiding place. I know about Todd but I don't think he knows me."

"Where have you been?"

"It's a secret. I can't tell anyone about my hiding place."

"Do you know Miss Perkins or Tom or Timmy or any of the others who live with Todd?"

"I know them. I can see them but they don't know me. I'm a secret."

"Have you ever come out before today?" Susannah asked.

"Once, Todd was so ashamed that his father called Michelle names and told her how bad he was. I don't think Michelle will want to be friends with Todd anymore." Tears filled his eyes when he said that. He was starting to get agitated. Susannah could see he was starting to loose his connection to her and to his surroundings. "He shouldn't have said, no," Todd stated. He started to cry again.

"Who shouldn't have said no?" Susannah asked.

"Todd, it made our father angry and then I had to come and pretend to be him. NO! I WANT TO GO BACK INSIDE! PLEASE!" he screamed. Then, without warning, Todd's body hit the floor, face down. It wasn't as if he had fallen, but as though he had been pushed. Todd's hands came together like Tom's had, as if they were tied together. Only now, his ankles came together in the same way. Todd's body lurched as he felt the buckle end of Peter's belt hit his back, but he made no sound. Again and again, his body lurched. He remained silent.

"Susannah, please!" Viki cried out. She walked closer to where Todd lay on the floor.

"FOR GOD'S SAKE! STOP THIS NOW!" Sam yelled.

"Please! If you have to, leave the room!" Susannah spoke to them, harshly. Susannah knelt down. "Todd, you're not in your house in Chicago. You're at Asa's lodge and you're safe. No one is hurting you. Tell me what's happening. What are you feeling?"

"He's hitting me with his belt. If I move or make any noise it'll get worse." Having come back for the moment, as the alter Todd tried to escape, it was Todd's voice that whimpered this as his body still lurched with each blow from the belt. Then his body was still for a minute.

Susannah took his pulse. "Rapid, but steady. He's all right," she assured Viki and Sam.

"NO! NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! DAD? NOOOO!" The alter Todd shrieked out as he felt Peter pull down his pants and underpants. He tried to free his hands and feet from their imaginary ties. He pulled his knees into his torso. He tried to get up even though his hands and feet were still bound together. His body crashed onto the floor again. This time being held down by the weight of Peter's body.

"TELL ME! TELL ME WHAT YOU DID WITH THAT TRAMP!" Todd heard Peter scream.

"Nothing!" Todd cried out. "We didn't do anything!" Todd's breath came in short gasps as Peter's weight on top of him hampered his ability to breathe.

"LIAR! YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER! A WORTHLESS PIECE OF GARBAGE!" Todd continued to hear Peter scream.

"Todd, tell me what's happening. What is your father doing to you?" Susannah pushed him to talk. Her heart was in her stomach.

"He pulled down my pants. He's on top of me. He's . . . he's . . . NOOOO!" This time Todd's scream was silent. He just mouthed the word. Todd lay on the floor, silently, not moving a muscle. His breathing was easier because Peter, finishing what he had started, had gotten off of him.

"Todd," Susannah called out gently. She brushed back the hair that had fallen in his face. "Can you hear me?" She got no response. She realized this is the only alter she was aware of, other than Timmy and Andy, who'd experienced sexual abuse. "Todd, it's not happening now. Now you're safe. Tell me what's going on. You don't have to relive it to let us know how badly you were hurt. We know. Just say it with words. Look at it from the outside. It's not happening now," Susannah soothed.

"It's all my fault. I made him do it. It's my fault," this "new" Todd cried.

"No, Todd, no! It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. No matter what your dad is telling you, it's not your fault."

Susannah was about to try to get him off the floor so she could check his blood pressure when he suddenly turned over. Still feeling that his wrists and ankles were bound, he inched his way to the wall. He looked to the left. He gasped. A look of horror came over his face.

"Nooo!" He wailed.

"What are you seeing? Todd, tell me what you're seeing?" Susannah prodded. Her heart was racing.

"Michelle! She was standing outside looking in the window. She saw everything! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! Oh God!" Todd shrieked. Then to himself, Todd whispered, "I wish I was dead." Todd's eyes became wide with horror! "No! Oh God, no! He's going after her. Run Michelle. RUUUN! She can't hear me. It's like she can't move. No! No! He's got her by the arm. He's dragging her into the house!" Todd was fighting furiously to free his hands and feet. All the while he was screaming, "NO! DAD DON'T!"

"What's your father doing?" Susannah asked.

"Her coat came off and her bag dropped. She's trying to get out the door. She's trying to get away from him. He's pulling her back. Her clothes are ripping. She got away and tried to get out the door again. He's got Michelle by the hair! He's hitting her across the face. She's screaming! She's screaming for me to help her. Oh God!" Todd kept trying desperately to free himself. "He's taking her to the basement! I hear her screaming for me to help her. She keeps screaming for me to help her!" Todd tried to lift his "bound" hands to cover his ears but all he could do was lift them, together, to his forehead. "She stopped," he whispered. Todd pushed himself back against the wall as hard as he could, as if he were trying to become a part of the wall, as if he were trying to disappear into it.

"What do you see? Todd, tell me everything that happened that night" Susannah prompted.

"My father is coming back upstairs. He's coming over to me." Todd's body jumped up as he felt Peter pull him into a standing position. He started to move his legs as the ties around them were severed. "NO! NO! DON'T MAKE ME!" he shrieked, as Peter pulled him down to the basement.

Once down the stairs, Peter threw Todd down on the floor against the opposite wall from where Michelle lay dazed from a punch Peter had given her. Her hands and feet were bound with rope. Todd tried to stand up but fell back down against the wall as a wave of dizziness overpowered him. Peter stood there, silently assessing the situation and deciding what he needed to, what he wanted to do. Michelle broke Peter's concentration when she started to moan softly. Her eyes began to focus. She realized where she was and started to cry.

"Please, Mr. Manning, I won't tell anyone. I swear I won't. Please, let me go. Todd, help me!" Michelle pleaded softly. She lifted her head as best she could, trying to see Todd. Peter bent down to where Michelle lay. He licked his lips. "You like my son? You like Todd, don't you?"

Michelle could not see Todd shaking his head and mouthing the word "no." He was trying to warn Michelle not to say she liked him. "Yes, I like Todd a lot. We're best friends," Michelle replied through her tears. Todd squeezed his eyes shut.

"Would you like to be more than 'best friends' with my son?" Peter mocked the words "best friends." Michelle stared at him, not knowing what he meant. Smiling, Peter walked over to where Todd sat and lifted him up by his hair. He dragged him over to where Michelle lay. Without removing the ties around Todd's hands Peter pulled down Todd's pants and underwear and pushed him down, on top of Michelle. Peter's own body sandwiched Todd between him and the terrified girl.

Peter reached for his pocketknife and cut the ties from Todd's hands. Grabbing Todd's wrists in each of his hands, Peter held Todd's arms down on either side of Michelle's head. Michelle started screaming. She tried to squirm away but the weight of Peter, holding Todd on top of her, made any movement impossible. Todd used every bit of strength left in him to try to get off Michelle; however, Peter's weight prevented him from moving.

"Todd please!" Michelle begged.

All Todd could do was stare into her once beautiful blue eyes, now clouded and near black with terror. "I'm sorry! Oh God Michelle, I'm so sorry!"

Laughing, Peter mocked Todd's words. "'I'm sorry, Michelle. I'm so sorry!'" Peter pulled Todd off Michelle and threw him back towards the corner of the room.

As Todd fixed his clothes, shame and repulsion mingled with the terror he was feeling. A wave of dizziness, even stronger than before, washed over him and he threw up. Wiping his mouth off, Todd stood up. He saw Peter kneeling over Michelle stroking her hair, talking softly to her.

"Todd isn't man enough for you is he? Is that why you came here tonight little girl? Is it? I don't want you to be disappointed. I want you to get what you came for." Peter caressed Michelle's cheek as she tried to turn her face away from his.

With all the strength Todd had left in his thin young body, he pounced on Peter and tried to drag him off Michelle. Peter stood up, grabbed Todd by the throat, and pushed him up against the wall. Todd's head hit the wall hard enough to leave him dazed. Peter quickly tied Todd's hands and ankles up again, using rope this time. The sharp fibers from it cutting into Todd's wrists, as they had Michelle's. That done, Peter turned his attention back to Michelle.

Peter stood over her and muttered, "Garbage. You're nothing but garbage, just like Todd's mother and just like Todd." He ripped the young girl's clothes off. First the blue sweater, then the blue skirt.

Todd stared as her torn clothes were thrown in front of him. He remembered once hearing the Todd who he was pretending to be tell Michelle that she looked real pretty in that outfit. He remembered how it matched her eyes. Todd watched as Peter proceeded to rip off Michelle's panties and bra. The girl lay naked and shivering at Peter's feet.

Todd felt as if he were in a dream, no, more like one of the nightmares his namesake had. He looked around the basement and nothing seemed real or familiar. Todd heard Michelle's screams but they seemed to be coming from very far away. He heard his own and didn't know they were coming from him. When Peter shoved a handkerchief in his mouth, he didn't even realize it. Todd stared at his father and Michelle, as Peter raped her.

Standing up, Peter turned to his son and calmly declared, "Never send a boy in to do a man's job." Todd, his eyes glazed, just stared at his father. Michelle lay on the ground, quietly whimpering. Peter then announced, "I need another drink," and with that, he headed upstairs.

"Todd! Todd! Please! TOOOD!" Michelle screamed. "Please Todd, help me!" Michelle cried.

Todd looked around and realized where he was. He tried to free his hands. They wouldn't budge. The harder he tried the more the rope cut into his flesh. He managed to get to his knees and inched his way over to Michelle. He spit out the handkerchief. Kneeling next to her all he could say was, "Michelle," over and over again.

"Untie me! Todd, please untie me!" Michelle begged.

Todd maneuvered his way around until his back was towards Michelle's hands and he felt for her wrists. Michelle raised herself to a sitting position and turned her back towards him, to assist him. When Todd found her wrists, he felt for the knot in the rope and tried to untie it. At first, it wouldn't budge. Finally, Todd felt the knot give way and Michelle's hands were free. The young girl quickly worked to untie her ankles. She turned to Todd and started to untie his hands.

"No! Don't! Run! Get out of here. Don't stop for me. Just run. Michelle, please! Run!" Todd begged.

Suddenly, Michelle realized she was naked. She covered herself with her arms and walked to where her clothes lay. She tried covering herself with the torn clothes as best she could. Michelle hesitated for a moment and cried, "Todd, I can't just leave you. What will he do to you?"

"Michelle please! I'll be okay. I'm begging you. You need to run! Run! RUN!"

Michelle looked at Todd once more and started up the stairs. Todd, with his back to the basement stairs, didn't see Peter come walking down, nor did he see the baseball bat in Peter's hand, but Michelle did.

In shocked silence, she backed down the stairs until she again stood next to where Todd sat. Crouching down, she looked up at Peter and whimpered, "Nooo, please!" Feeling Michelle next to him again and hearing her pleas, Todd maneuvered his body around just as he heard Michelle scream, "TOOOOD!" one last time.

Todd saw the hands holding the bat as it came down, crushing Michelle's skull, with a loud and terrifying sound. The thud and cracking sound of the bat making contact with Michelle's head reverberated throughout the room. A sound that seemed to fill every nerve and cell in Todd's body.

Then it seemed as if the entire world had turned red. It was red everywhere Todd looked. He felt the warm red stickiness of Michelle's blood as it splashed over him.

Peter stood in front of Todd and pulled him to his feet. He turned Todd around so he was facing Michelle. She was lying on her back, partially wedged up against the wall. The left side of her skull caved in. Her shiny hair matted with her own blood and brains. Her blue eyes open�lifeless.

"Michelle?" Todd called to her. "Michelle, I'll get you untied, I promise."

Peter pushed Todd down to his knees, closer to Michelle's body, and screamed, "LOOK AT HER! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO HER!"

Peter lifted Todd back to a standing position and turned him so that his back was towards Peter and placed the bloody baseball bat in Todd's hands. He squeezed Todd's fingers around the base of the bat. Then Peter threw the bat on the floor and took off the work gloves he was wearing and threw those on the floor as well. He then cut the rope off Todd's hands and feet.

"We have to get rid of her," Peter said, not bothering to notice that Todd wasn't hearing him. Todd was just staring at the bat and gloves that lay on the basement floor. "We have to get something to put her in. Todd get that old sleeping bag off the shelf." Todd didn't move. Peter spun around, grabbed Todd by the shoulders, and shook him.

"What the hell is the matter with you Todd! Do as I say! TODD!" Peter commanded, shaking him even harder. Like a robot, Todd got the sleeping bag off the shelf and handed it to his father. Peter put it on the floor and unzipped it, laying it open.

"You take her feet," Peter ordered. Todd just stood there, staring, his eyes blank. Peter walked up to Todd and slapped him across the face so hard he knocked him down. Peter grabbed him by his arm and pulled him back to his feet.

"Do you want to go to jail! Do you! Look what you did!" Peter turned Todd toward Michelle. Peter turned Todd back so that he was facing him again. "I'm willing to help you. Do you want me to help you?" Peter asked, as he shook Todd by the shoulders.

Todd looked up at his father and nodded. "Then we have to get her out of here and put her where she won't be found. Now let's get her into the sleeping bag and then we have to get the basement and ourselves cleaned up."

In silence, Todd helped his father put Michelle in the bag. Peter also put the bloody bat and gloves in with her and they cleaned the blood from the basement. Peter used the bathroom in the basement to take a shower. Then, naked, he went upstairs to get dressed, leaving Todd with instructions to shower himself and wash the blood from the shower before he was through.

Peter returned carrying some clothes for Todd and Michelle's coat and bag that had fallen in the front hall. Peter carefully gathered up the bloody clothes that he and Todd had taken off and placed them in a large green plastic bag.

"We'll go out through the garage. You wait here," Peter instructed.

Silently, Todd followed his father's instructions. In a few minutes Peter came back down and said, "We have to get her to the car. Don't just stand there like an idiot, help me." Peter and Todd carried Michelle's body and the evidence, up the stairs and out to the trunk of the car.

Peter drove them to a wooded area about twenty miles from their house. He went as far as he could into the area where he planned to leave the body, and barked, "We'll have to carry her the rest of the way." They carried her another fifty yards into the woods before placing her on the ground.

"Wait here!" Peter ordered as he went back to the car. Todd stood shivering in the cold January night. He had never felt so cold. He felt as if he would never be warm again. Then, Peter returned with two shovels and handed one to Todd. "Come on! Let's go! What are you waiting for!"

Todd put the shovel into the earth. "I can't. It's too cold. It's too cold. It's too cold! It's too hard. I can't leave her here. Don't make me," Todd pleaded. Peter walked over to Todd and pushed him up against a tree. He didn't need to say a word. The look on Peter's face was enough. Together, father and son dug a grave.

Peter made sure it was deep enough and then he and Todd placed Michelle, sleeping bag and all, into the grave and shoveled the cold earth back into it's place. Peter told Todd to gather some leaves and branches to cover the fresh grave.

Having now, fully, slipped into his own world, Todd commented, "She likes lilacs."

"What?" Peter asked.

"She likes lilacs. I heard her tell Todd she likes lilacs."

"What the hell do you mean you heard her tell Todd?" Peter stood over Todd and slapped him across the face. "Snap out of it! We have to get home." Peter had to drag Todd back to the car.

"She likes lilacs," Todd kept repeating to himself as they drove home.

Then the boy, who answered to 'Todd', and loved Michelle, went back to his hiding place where he would stay for almost fifteen years.

Todd came back when he and his father were about a mile from home. Todd had no idea how long it had been since his birthday, but the humiliation of what happened in front of Michelle was fresh in his mind. He couldn't bear the thought of seeing her in school again. He wondered how much time had gone by. Maybe he had already seen her and forgot.

Todd's body hurt all over. His wrists hurt a lot. He looked down at them and saw that they had red welts around them. He pulled his sleeves down to cover them, as he always tried to cover the wounds he didn't remember getting. Todd wanted to sleep. He just wanted to get home and sleep. He wondered what he was doing out at night with his father and why they were driving around. He also wondered where they had come from. Finally, they drove into the garage.

Peter instructed Todd to go to the living room and build a fire. Todd was so tired, but he did as he was told. Peter came into the room and told Todd to go into the front hallway and clean up the mess in there. Todd saw the remains of his birthday cake on the floor. That was when he realized it was probably still the same night.

Todd wondered what he was doing out with Peter. "Maybe dad felt bad about what he did in front of Michelle and took me out for my birthday," he thought.

"HOW STUPID ARE YOU!"

The angry voice startled him. He turned around. He had never heard this voice before. It was different from the others. He was always frightened when he heard the voices, even though as a very young child he had found comfort in them. He would talk to them and feel less alone. Now they terrified him.

"The only thing HE thinks about your birthday is that it never should have happened," the angry voice said. Todd put his hands to his ears trying, in vain, to block the voice out.

"I HATE HIM!" the voice said. Todd tried to ignore what he was hearing and continued cleaning up the cake.

Peter had thrown all of the bloody clothes and Michelle's handbag into the fire. The smoke was strong. Peter came into the front hallway to open a window. He also opened the door a crack to let out some of the acrid odor.

Todd had just finished cleaning up the floor. "I'm finished. Is it all right if I go to bed?" He asked Peter.

Peter looked at him and laughed. "What a wimp you are. It's not even ten o'clock yet. Was tonight too much for you?" Peter asked in a sarcastic and mocking manner. "At least you won't have to worry about that little whore ever coming back here again."

Pete didn't even have to make Todd's head hurt to get out. Before Peter had a chance to say another word, Pete, with all his rage and fury, pushed Peter up against the wall. With his hands around Peter's throat, squeezing as hard as he could, Pete shouted, "HOW COULD YOU DO THAT! YOU BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT! I HATE YOU! I WANT YOU DEAD! I WANT YOU DEAD!" Pete did not hear Sam Rappaport come into the house.

"I HATE YOU! I WANT YOU DEAD! I HATE YOU!" A stunned Susannah, Viki and Sam heard Pete scream. His hands were still around the throat he saw with his mind's eye.

"Pete! It's all right. It's not happening now. Todd's father is dead. He can't hurt anyone anymore. It's all right, Pete. We know what happened. You can stop now. We know why you wanted to kill him. It's okay. Pete, I want you to relax. It's over. You and Todd were able to tell the secret. It's over. You need to calm down now."

Susannah looked over at Sam and Viki. Both seemed to be frozen, not yet able to process what they had just witnessed. "Pete, it's Doctor Hanen. You need to relax. I want you to go back inside and go to sleep now. I want you to calm down and go to sleep. Pete, I'm going to count from three to one and when I get to one I want you to go into a deep trance."

Susannah's hypnotic command had no effect on Pete. He was still in that room with Peter and could not hear her. Susannah ran to the bedroom and called Frank, Jeff and Terry into the front room. "I need to give him a shot." Susannah called to them.

Frank and Jeff rushed to where Pete stood "strangling" Peter. They were able to restrain Pete without much difficulty. Despite Pete's rage he was in a daze, and confused. On top of that, Todd's body was weak.

"Sam. SAM!" Susannah shouted. "Pete needs you."

Composing himself, Sam jumped to his feet and approached Pete, who was still screaming out at Peter. Terry prepared a syringe from the medication in Susannah's bag.

"I WANT TO KILL HIM! HOW COULD HE DO THAT!" Pete screamed.

"I know you do Pete and I don't blame you." Sam tried to comfort him.

Pete, not even aware of Terry injecting him, continued to cry out, "I HATE HIM!" until the drug finally hit his system. Frank and Jeff half walked and half carried him to the couch and laid him down on it. "I didn't hurt her. I didn't hurt her," Pete whimpered.

Viki rushed over to sit next to him on the couch. Sam knelt down by his head. "We know you didn't," Viki said, stroking his head. For the first time, Pete didn't pull away from a display of affection.

"I'm so sorry pal. I saw you that night. I had no idea. Oh, God! I'm so sorry," Sam confessed, as tears fell down his cheeks.

Pete looked up at Sam and repeated, "I didn't hurt her."

"I know you didn't pal. I know you didn't."

Then Pete was gone and Timmy was back. He looked up at Asa's moose head and asked Sam, "Are you sure he's not real?"

Realizing it was Timmy, Sam, his voice choking with tears, answered, "No, Timmy. It's not real, just a big ol' stuffed moose." Sam kissed Timmy's forehead.

"How come you're crying? Did the moose bite you?" Timmy asked Sam. Unable to compose himself, Sam had to get up and walk away for a minute. Timmy's lower lip and chin started to quiver. "Is Sam mad at me?" Timmy whimpered.

Viki pulled Timmy into a hug. "No, sweetheart. No baby, Sam is a little upset over something he heard, not at you."

"I love Sam. I don't want him to be mad at me, then he won't wanna be my daddy no more," Timmy cried.

Hearing this, Sam pulled himself together and knelt back down next to Timmy and Viki. Sam took Timmy from Viki's arms. He held him tightly. "Timmy, I will always want to be your daddy. I love you so much."

"This much?" Timmy asked, holding his arms out as far apart as he could get them.

"A million times that much," Sam swore, once again kissing Timmy's forehead, and gently rocking him until he was almost asleep.

Susannah came over and asked Timmy how he was feeling. "I'm cold," he answered. Viki turned to Jeff and asked him if he would please bring some blankets in from the bedroom.

Susannah felt Timmy's forehead. His skin was cold and clammy. Fearing he may be going into shock, she checked his blood pressure. It was eight-five over forty and his heart rate was one hundred and thirty. She then checked his eyes and his pupils were dilated. "Frank," Susannah called to him, "would you also bring some pillows out here." Susannah stroked Timmy's damp hair. "Timmy, I'm going to put some pillows under your legs. I want you to try to sit up a little."

Timmy was too weak to pull himself up so Sam and Susannah helped him while Terry placed a couple of pillows under his knees. Susannah also placed some pillows behind him. Frank covered him with two of the blankets Jeff handed him. Susannah tucked them securely around Timmy. "There you go, snug as a bug," she said to Timmy and tapped his nose with her index finger.

"I'm still cold," Timmy whimpered. He was shivering and his teeth were chattering. Sam brought another blanket over and Viki tucked that one around him, too. Timmy asked for Mr. Rabbit. Frank retrieved him and handed him to Timmy. Timmy clutched Mr. Rabbit to his chest. Viki adjusted the blankets around Timmy and Mr. Rabbit. Susannah asked Terry to sit with him while she talked to Sam and Viki.

"What's wrong with him? Why is he so cold?" Sam asked. He was frightened.

"Todd's mind and body have just been through a major trauma. He's in mild shock. He should stabilize soon. We need to keep him warm and keep his legs elevated."

"Should I call an ambulance?" Viki asked. She was terrified.

"No, I think that will frighten him. He'll stabilize soon. Then we'll get him back to the hospital."

Timmy had fallen asleep and didn't even feel it when Terry took his blood pressure fifteen minutes later. It was one hundred over sixty. Todd's body was coming around. They all sat silently. None of them spoke about what they had just been witnesses to. There would be time for that tomorrow.

TO BE CONTINUED

COPYRIGHT 1998 R/S

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

1