FIRST PERSON KNITTER
Written by RPcrazy with daughter�s help
**Note: This is a stand-a-lone episode, however if you wish to read what has happened previously go to my story �Damn Weird Days of Our Lives X Files � the Soapy.**
Eagerly awaiting her requested appearance on the �X Files- the Soapy� Martha Stewart looks on as Scully and Doggett are at loggerheads on the X- Files set. Scully thinks that her sandcastle was the bigger one when they went to the beach on the weekend. However, Doggett disagrees saying that it doesn�t matter �cause his had nine shells and a flag.
Martha laughs with amusement. Fancy being asked to be involved in a fictional television show. She�s so looking forward to working with her most admired actors and with her favourite, The X files.
The actors finally agree that they were both deserving of first prize and get on with the real script which is preparing for the onset of Martha Stewart�s �Knitting� segment.
Scully says, her voice tinged with slight amusement, � Oh so you�ve never been taught how to knit, Agent Doggett?�
Doggett replies,
�No, never really had the opportunity or the interest Agent Scully, until some buddies happened to mention that women absolutely love men who can knit.�
�Well�, says Scully looking a little disappointed knowing that his real motive was probably to try and impress Marita. �Maybe I should teach you.�
Doggett looks at her out of the corner of his eye and replies,
�What have you ever knitted?�
Scully answers,
�I knitted a windbreak for Queequeg once.� Doggett chuckles and his eyes roll up. He wonders about this strange name of one of Scully�s old boyfriends but decides not to embarrass her.
�Oh, so you know all about the craft,� Doggett says with sarcasm.
�Well if you don�t want me to teach you, that�s okay Agent Doggett. You can just learn from Martha Stewart. If my memory serves me correctly her knitting show�s on tonight on the Feminine Lifestyle channel.
Later that night we see Doggett in a white T and tracks perched in front of the TV rummaging through his Target bag. He produces a pair of size 10 knitting needles, a bag of wool and a book on �Knitting Made Simple�. He turns on the TV with his remote and begins to watch.
We hear the theme music play (Nirvana�s �Smells Like Teen Spirit�) and Martha Stewart is there in a lounge room setting.
�Today we have a very exciting show planned. We will show you, step by step, how to knit an X Files jumper, we have models who will show you the very latest fashion in knitted wrist watches, one of our reporters has been sent out to the Knitting Expo Extravaganza and will report back about the main attraction which is a life-like knitted garden. We have a very special guest for you on the show today. She�s here to talk to you about her latest hobby. I�ll let that be a surprise. We�ll be back after the break with how to knit your own X Files handkerchiefs. Please stay tuned.� Martha smiles at the camera.
Doggett hears the start of an advertisement for radio-activated torches�� but his eyelids are getting heavy and decides he needs to take a short nap.
He snaps out of his dozing to the sound of his mobile phone. He picks it up just as he hears the last ring.
His gaze moves over to the television and he can�t believe his eyes. There on The Knitting Show is Agent Scully. She�s the special guest of the week.
�So Agent Dana Scully. Welcome to our show.� Scully sits smugly on the sofa nodding her head. �I am so pleased that you have found the time away from your FBI work and your X Files responsibilities to appear here today. We know that you have a very special hobby.�
Scully replies,
�Yes, Martha, in the last year I have been consumed with the art of Sumo Wrestling,� The audience erupts with spontaneous applause. Scully proceeds to talk about her introduction to this sport through a mutual friend at the FBI and that her love has grown rapidly over the past months.
She continues, �I�ve wanted to get into training but I realise that I�ll need to bulk up a bit. I know also that I could use my size to my advantage.� Martha listens with rapt attention.
�Well Martha, sumo wrestling has actually been part of our family tradition. My father was a wrestler as was his mother. I have an uncle who enjoys the sport. Bill, my brother�s in the Navy so I felt it is up to me to carry on this grand profession.�.
Martha responds, �Ms Scully, I hear there is actually a connection between your love of sumo wrestling and our show�s knitting theme. Please talk to us.�
Dana pauses and continues, � My mother�s cousin�s husband�s ex-wife has a friend whose sister had a classmate who has started up a campaign to convince sumo wrestlers that their clothes should all be knitted. And by the way, did I tell you I knitted a wind-break for my pet dog Queequeg?�
�That�s wonderful Dana. I completely agree. I think it would be wonderful if the world of knitting and sumo wrestling could be thought of in the same light.�
Martha looks to the camera and says,
�Let�s thank Agent Dana Scully for her appearance here today. If any of our viewers out there would like to comment please feel free to email us on [email protected]
Doggett, all this time, has stared open-mouthed at the screen. His concentration is broken with the sound of the doorbell.
He quickly puts down the mobile phone which he�s had frozen in his hand all this time and opens the door to a very excited Scully.
�Did you see me, Agent Doggett, on the knitting show?�
Doggett stares at her not sure whether to answer but sees that Scully has spotted the knitting materials on the sofa and that the show�s end credits are rolling.
�Very good Agent Scully � you�ve certainly put the FBI in a favourable light with the Sumo Wrestling Association in this country,� Doggett responds with tact.
Scully looks so joyous with this compliment.
Then she remembers why she came.
�Agent Doggett, I tried to ring and tell you that Martha�s segment is now being filmed tomorrow. We can have a day off just as we�d planned.�
Doggett says, �Good work Scully. Got your beach gear? Hope you haven�t forgotten your goggles and flippers like last time,�
�Got everything in the car,� smiles Scully.
Doggett runs upstairs to grab his duffle bag and snaps up the knitting materials on his way out to the car.
They drive away on their beach trip. We hear conversation from the car.
�I�m so glad I thought of this getaway last week. It�s so great to get back to the beach,� gloats Scully.
�It was actually my idea Agent Scully�, retorts Doggett.
Scully says, �No it wasn�t, I came up with the idea while doing the expense reports.�
�What?! You never do the expense reports! It�s always up to me!�
�Okay fine, Agent Doggett. But it was still my idea.�
�No, it was mine. How come you take the credit for everything?
�That�s not fair!���..� Their argument banter continues and slowly fades.
All this time Marita has been waiting around the corner from Doggett�s front door. She�s wanted to talk to John since their last encounter and decided to �bite the bullet� and come around. On hearing the relaxed banter between Doggett and Scully she slightly nods her head but secretly thinks � this is my challenge.
[End credits to the Aussie band You Am I�s �Bring Some Sun Back�]
Voiceover: �Hope you enjoyed today�s episode of �Damn Weird Days of Our Lives�. Please join us tomorrow for the next instalment. How many shells did Doggett actually have on his sandcastle and who really won the competition. Will Marita eventually con Doggett into knitting her an X Files jumper? Stay tuned for the next �Damn Weird Days of Our Lives.�
To be continued�.