"I only came here to do two things, man: kick some ass and drink some beer... looks like we're almost outta beer."
-Clint from
Dazed and Confused

"Understanding is reached only after confrontation."
-Ivanah from
Mallrats

"Holla, holla!"
-Goneril from
King Lear

Drew: "Why don't you gain some weight and go as a mop?"
Lewis: "Why don't you lose some weight and go as Earth?"
-
The Drew Carey Show













"For never can true reconcilement grow where wounds of deadly hate have pierced so deep..."
-
Paradise Lost

"But loads of Sh------ almost choked the way."
-
Mac Flecknoe

"The only ship that means a damn is friendship."
-Mr. Burns from
The Simpsons

"Officer, don't you think it's immoral not to give me a ticket?"
-
Saturday Night Live









"I didn't get any on my wedding day, but I got eight inches on my honeymoon."
-
Jeopardy

"These are the ugly sandals that lesbians wear..."
"Birkenstocks!"
-
Pyramid

"Oh I'll prove it - I'll prove it like a thereom!"
-Ross from
Friends

"Dawg, I am a slut with skills."
-Penny from
Good Morning, Miami

"Try getting a hobby. I recommend drinking."
-Edward from
Dharma and Greg
"Oh honey, Canadiens don't matter."
-Kitty from
That 70's Show

"You know what women call men who are lame in the sack?
Just friends."
-Hyde from
That 70's Show

"You're stubborn, under-qualified, and you barely speak English.
Welcome to the DMV!"
-Employer from
That 70's Show
"Well, dear, people say a lot of things when they're lying."
-Nina from
Just Shoot Me

"What is truth? A lie, wrapped in a riddle, dipped in a dream? Oh wait - that's nostalgia."
-Nina from
Just Shoot Me
"I'm not good with long rods."
"Then get a shorter one."
"I already live with that."
-
Trading Spaces

"My hole is gone!"
-
Trading Spaces
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