In a dramatic turnaround coming just weeks after the unspeakable happened in Indianapolis, an Indy Racing League driver won the Casino Magic 500 at Texas Motor Speedway Saturday night. "This is a complete vindication of everything I've worked so hard for during the last six years," exclaimed an ecstatic Tony George. "This just proves that an American Oval Racing driver, given an opportunity in an all-oval series with spec-priced equipment and protected from competition from foreigners and interfering road-racy types, can not only hold his own, but with proper nurturing can even succeed."

Victorious American Oval Racer Scott Sharp agreed. "I won!" said former Trans-Am driver Sharp. "If Penske and Ganassi and Green and those guys aren't too afraid to run at Texas, then all I can say is, buy the equipment and show up. Oww!" yelled Sharp, as a glowering A. J. Foyt elbowed him in the ribs.

"The wall didn't really hurt those guys," explained Greg Ray when asked to comment on any safety concerns surrounding the controversial track, "they hurt themselves." Unnamed representatives of chief steward Brian Barnhardt suggested that a bright electronic highlight, similar to the 'glowing puck' utilized in some NHL broadcasts, was under consideration for Ray's car in future IRL events as an aide to other drivers.

LemmingNet's prayers go out to Davey Hamilton and Robby McGehee.