"I am not Canadian. I'm not even certain where this rumor started. I am not now, nor to the best of my knowledge have I ever been, a foreigner. Frankly, I resent the implication that I represent anything other than orthodox American corn-fed tradition.

"I can understand how the public could be confused by the admittedly foreign-sounding name of my hometown, Sylacauga, or by my exotic Alabama accent, which is so different than the comforting Midwestern dulcet tones we're all accustomed to hearing, but I assure you that I am no more a foreigner than Paul Anka, Lorne Greene, William Shatner, or Raymond Burr."

"Because of certain compromises sometimes made necessary for individuals in my position, I am forced to eke out an existence as a simple Macadamia nut farmer in a modest compound here in Hana, Maui. I want the public to know that not a morning goes by that I do not wipe a tear of longing for my native country.
I burn with an entirely admirable patriotic fire to leave this strange and foreign land and return to the soil of my forefathers. Really. I mean it."