"He nearly pulled it off," warned a circumspect George, "and we should perhaps take this as a bit of a wakeup call. We might not be as lucky next time."

The 32 year old foreigner was unsuccessful in qualifying for a supporting event at IRP in an apparent attempt to leverage his way onto an IRNLS team and thus the 500. The plan involved bribing team owners with large quantities of cash from Marlboro, Shell, and Ferrari to run the wily foreigner.

"This isn't CART," reminded George, "and we don't condone anyone just waltzing in and blatantly buying rides with gazillions of dollars from so-called sponsors. We've fought long and hard to assure a level playing field for our teams so that talented drivers will always get rides. Of course, AJ's team runs too. Drivers like Dr. Jack could never have had the opportunities available to them now without the IRNLS, and we're not about to abandon the little guys now."

The foreign interloper was in an excellent position to capture the pole at IRP when he cut a tire on what appeared to be a badly burnt monkey carcass and crashed heavily in turn four. Preliminary investigations revealed the Ferrari-built nature of the faux dirt track car.