These two books are action packed non-fiction. You get to do so much as you read them. You get to compare two different eras across social structures and you get to learn about what being in the closet really means, how terrifying and frustrating it must be to live with closely guarded secrets, in fear moment by moment of being found out. You get to live for awhile in the world of finance (to me a foreign culture that uses a different language) as well as in the world of the ivy league social, political and economic network (there is material for an anthropological case study here). You get to visit with celebrities and household names such as Bill Clinton, Jack Kemp, Rita Mae Brown and Sam Nunn and to see them from new perspectives

Most importantly you get to see the lifetime observations of someone who with grace and wit has struggled with some of the worst persecutions our society has to offer. I can't imagine suffering the insults, the hatred, and the discrimination with the ease and humanity of Andrew Tobias. Mr. Tobias manages to sustain a lifelong ability to be kind to people with whom he does not agree and to recognize their strengths in spite of their sometimes rampant homophobia. He has the generosity to see them in their totality even though they may not be able to return the favor.

The author grew up with all the values of our middle and upper middle class heritage firmly planted, including nuclear family values, educational values, economic values and community service values. It is because he adhered strongly to these proscriptions that it took so long for him to understand his homosexuality and affirm himself as a gay man. Coming out has been an ongoing facet of his adult life and each time, with each new acquaintance or situation, has different results. He describes all of these with humor and never with condemnation of even some of the worst of our bigoted political or religious leaders.

Although the book is an introduction to the gay world and seems to describe how gay people see relationships, it all sounds very familiar to this straight reader. As Tobias says, "Love is love." And I guess that relationships are relationships too. In this day and age, when so many of the same issues face couples of any sexual preference, the problems seem very similar. From pre-nuptial agreements to decisions about children the merging of gays into the mainstream is rapidly taking place. Hopefully, As Tobias says, acceptance of homosexuality and hence encouragement of long term relationships among gays and lesbians, will make their lives easier and more a part of the social value structure we generally profess. I am personally not sure that our so-called social value structure is as completely positive as he seems to hope, but am willing to admit that Tobias has a healthier attitude toward society in general than I do.

These books raise many questions. What does it mean to be a good child? What does it mean to work hard and strive to be in compliance with socioeconomic doctrines in most categories only to be condemned for being at variance in one? How does discrimination feel and how do you cope with it without becoming cynical? Mr. Tobias is a wonderful example of grace under fire. His books are funny, clever, enormously entertaining and yet reveal the downright abuses perpetuated by some of the more insensitive citizens of this country on people they consider to be less deserving of equal human rights than themselves.

One section of the second book includes a speech made by President Clinton which explains the history of inclusion in the meaning of the term equal rights. The speech was heartening as Clinton describes how equality has expanded from its original definition as white, male, property owner to include women and racial minorities and now finally gays and lesbians.

(A note: Tobias, a Democrat himself, contributed originally to the Log Cabin Republicans, the most conservative political gay group. My initial reaction was to wonder how he could actively support a group that believes the pharmaceutical industry's price fixing of HIV/AIDS drugs is okay. Actually the irony is that this may be the only group that has the ear of the present administration, as we see a turn toward the hard line, religious right influence on political choices. Tobias' generosity may have helped make it possible for the Bush administration to maintain contact with the gay and lesbian community through this organization at a time when conservatives are pushing the office of the president to withdraw to a more reactionary position.)

As I read this review I sounds so serious. Mr. Tobias takes a much more lighthearted approach. The following example is about the difficulties of dating as a young man written from the perspective of the age of fifty.

"Once in awhile I would 'score,' but not nearly as often as I would have liked. The guys I was attracted to were the superstars. They either weren't attracted back or, when perhaps they were, I was generally too nearsighted to see it. (I didn't know much, but I knew not to wear my glasses. And I was far too skittish to put contact lenses on my eyeballs.) It was also hard because I'm not a big drinker; because I don't have a lot of patience for small talk; because I was not as fascinating on the topic of automobile insurance as I am now--and, mainly, because I needed my sleep. Sure, at three or four in the morning I might have been able to stagger home with one of those guys or gone off someplace for anonymous sex. But even in those days I liked to be in bed by one.

...I was only turned on by guys at least a little younger than me. I'll never forget, ...at age twenty-three, accidentally going to bed with a guy who turned out to be twenty-six. When I heard that, I got out of there real fast. A dirty old man!

...So let's see: Guys my own age or older were out because they were too old. And guys younger than me were out because--in my view if not theirs--I was too old. That left: Nobody.

Ain't life grand?"

Sound familiar, no matter what your sexual preference?

Andrew Tobias is the author of a number of books on finance and investment as well as a biography of Charles Revson. He has written for New York Magazine, Esquire, Playboy, the Harvard Crimson, Fortune, and many others. He is active in many organizations with humanitarian focus, and, besides his interest in gay and lesbian issues has worked to counteract the tobacco industry's influence on young people, and to encourage states to adopt no fault auto insurance policies. For many years he has maintained a daily website journal of articles on financial advice at www.andrewtobias.com His books are listed below.