GHOST SHIP
By Rachel Deahl
Review Film Critic

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The thought of seeing a paranormal spook story set aboard a decaying ocean
liner, conveniently released to coincide with Halloween, seemed like a
prospect more nauseating than tearing through an entire bag of
trick-or-treats in one sitting.

Since it's no secret that Hollywood has an unfortunate penchant for
delivering seasonal fare which attempts to do little more than cash in on
its holiday "timeliness," "Ghost Story" appeared to fit the bill of a
Tinseltown Hallmark special delivery. So, with expectations seriously
lowered, the good news is that this modest ghost story isn't nearly as bad
as its external details indicate it should be.

Juliana Margulies stars as the brazen mother hen of a rowdy salvage crew
that earns cash searching open waters for sunken and/or abandoned vessels.
Along with the seasoned Irish seaman and captain of the ship (Gabriel
Byrne), Margulies heads up the group aboard the Arctic Warrior as they make
their unusual freelance living fixing and returning these lost ships to
their owners.

Who's paying and who's looking is anybody's guess but apparently there's
big money to be made in this particular ocean biz. And money is what lures
the crew to go in search of a mysterious vessel spotted somewhere in the
Bering Sea. Cued in to the discovery by a pilot who approaches them in a
bar, the Arctic Warrior heads out to sea with a stranger aboard, hoping to
score their biggest profit to date.

The clues begin early that something is amiss with the old ship the Arctic
Warrior discovers when the technical equipment starts malfunctioning upon
contact. Realizing they've stumbled onto the mythic European cruise liner
called the Antonia Graza, Byrne clues his fellow sailors onto the history
of the vessel: namely that it went missing in the 1960s and simply
disappeared without word from any of the crew. Once the salvagers board the
dilapidated monstrosity, the poltergeists get feisty and start making their
presence known to the interlopers.

Aside from its jarring opening sequence which offers a snapshot of the
horrifying fate of those originally aboard the Antonia Graza - imagine "The
Love Boat" crossed with "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre" - "Ghost Ship" is a
fairly rote ghoulish tale. The mystery of what actually happened on the
ship is momentarily compelling, but it isn't riveting enough to make the
"Ten Little Indians" scenario more enticing.

As the investigating Arctic Warrior crew dwindle in numbers, and literally
get knocked off one by one, the reason behind their murders becomes as
inconsequential as the method used to pull them off.

And, with films like this, when you stop caring how the sacrificial lambs
die, the ship is 'sunk'.

THE SANTA CLAUSE 2

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Although November 1 seems a bit early to get into the Christmas spirit,
even for the most ardent holiday fanatics, this sequel to Tim Allen's
successful Santa movie, The Santa Clause," is enough to set any scrooge
aglow with the X-mas bug.

Against my own better judgment, and taste, this syrupy, predictable Allen
vehicle proved an indulgent delight complete with a surprising dose of
laugh-out-loud humor.

Reprising his role as a regular Joe who becomes the famous jovial big man
in the red suit (in the first film Allen's character inadvertently becomes
Santa when he puts on the deceased Mr. Claus' uniform), Allen is again
faced with the burden of saving Christmas.

This time around he's struggling with the second clause of his contract --
the "Mrs. Clause." In order to maintain his gig bringing toys to all the
good little boys and girls of the world, Allen has to find a bride before
midnight on December 25. No easy task, especially when you need to explain
to your would-be bride about your unusual schedule, sporadic weight gain
and undesirable home base (the North Pole).

Fleeing his chilly workshop in search of love, Allen returns momentarily to
his former suburban existence and immediately falls for his teenage son's
beautiful, but uptight, principal.

Meanwhile, back at the Pole, the elves have fallen under the sway of an
ill-conceived Santa clone. Hoping to keep the peace while the "real" Santa
is working the singles scene, the top elves created a life-like duplicate
of Santa with devastating results -- the android Allen turns into a
militaristic dictator who puts the cheerful little people to work making
coal for all the naughty children.

Aside from the cliched storyline and the obligatory plot about saving
Christmas, "The Santa Claus 2" features a surprisingly enjoyable, if too
slight, love story between Allen and the principal (played by Elizabeth
Mitchell, who some will recognize from her recurring role on "ER" as Carrie
Weaver's first female love interest).

Additionally, the film delivers some wonderfully conceived gags. With a
delightful subplot in which Allen convenes, and is helped by, a council of
supposedly imaginary childhood figures (Father Time, Cupid and Mother
Nature are among the members), the Tooth Fairy figures inventively in the
struggle to set things right in the North Pole.

One of the most rewarding episodes is centered on Allen's first date with
Mitchell. Dragged to a horrifically boring high school faculty party (the
sight of the dreary teachers, clad in ill-conceived holiday-theme sweaters,
clumped around the punch bowl is hilarious in and of itself), Allen's Santa
in disguise turns a dreadful night in the high school gymnasium into an
unexpected gift-giving bonanza. As funny as it is sweet, the scene reveals
how easy it can be to make even embittered grown-ups excited about
Christmas.

And, in the end, it's what "The Santa Clause 2" delivers for the parents
which makes it such a treat.

While the little ones can laugh at the stupid reindeer fart jokes and the
images of Santa's little helpers, unexpected scenes like Molly Shannon's
cameo as Allen's unbalanced blind date make this an unexpected pleasure.