Dear Valerie By Valerie Markva

Dear Valerie;

Another Christmas and New Year's brings feelings of doubt &
self-pity to my mind. Each year I tell myself I'm going to lose weight, be
a more understanding person, the list goes on. There's all these things I
want to change about myself, but I know I'll let myself down and wind up
feeling depressed. How can I stop this? It's a no-win situation.

Thanks,
J.P.

Dear J.P:

It sounds like you're setting some pretty high standards, expecting
to reach them quickly. The impulse is to give up before you've had a chance
to meet your own expectations. Try to avoid looking at the big picture, as
this leads to becoming overwhelmed. Instead, try setting daily goals, focus
on small achievements, and reward yourself for the progress that you make.
Be firm, but also kind to yourself and you will meet with success.

Valerie

UPON A GLIMPSE OF PERFECTION

In ancient Greece and Hindu India, it was believed that perfection,
in its highest & purest form, existed in a separate realm - a world of
spirituality far beyond the concept of 'human excellence.'

For human beings, the link to this 'other world' was through having the
ability to express imagination & ideas. A melody, conceived in this 'world
of perfection', perhaps whispered to the composer upon waking and haunted
him until he wrote a grand piece of music. Thus, what is received from the
land of perfection, is not the gift of perfection itself; rather, it's
wondrous extension, success within the context of human limitation.
Although we are not perfect, we are able to achieve success despite human
constraint.

The ancients believed that as a direct result of a unique & mysterious
process, which melds together failure and success, lies the capacity to
gain satisfaction from achievement. Without failure, there can be no sense
of satisfaction. Without an idea of perfection, it cannot be incorporated
into the shape of our lives.

Limited human success, in comparison to an imagined perfection, brings the
sense that one is imperfect and a tendency for failure (loss of self-worth
and confidence).

Because of human limitation, we are unable to achieve perfection. Nothing
is ever imagined it would be and because of this it is useless to try &
live up to our imaginations. We should listen to the voice of imagination,
to it's visions and poetry, without feeling inferior, knowing that we have
the ability to re-create it's magic, in our own very human ways.

An essential step in meeting with the success that imagination will offer
life is to first confront failure. We are baffled by the core of failure,
because it's mystery tells us that we must learn to fail before we can
succeed. Failure may come to visit because our lives haven't turned out as
we have imagined. We are then comparing the imperfection in reality to a
spiritual sense of perfection.

A good way to understand failure is to discover it's humbling nature. When
we are allowed to be human, to be comfortably inferior - "I am not the
smartest person, I am not the richest, most beautiful person" we are
beginning to recognize our equality as humans in the sense that we are
understanding a greater need that has nothing to do with wealthy, beauty
and power. It is about having the capacity to look beyond the superficial
fabric of life, with open eyes & ears, to understand that the core of life
encourages us to embrace defeat  & failure, to be brave throughout poverty
and misfortune.

The shape of life can take hold as we begin to know ourselves and love the
purpose that we have been given. It's important to remember that with each
trial comes the blessing of success. Despite what illusions we have about
what we see in other people and want for ourselves, no matter how we define
the word 'perfect', success will never match perfection. Be at peace with
the song that your own heart sings, and the talents that you, as
individuals, have been given.

Success is as the wind, moving gracefully in silent moments, unexpectedly
unfurled, a hint of that distant world of perfection.

Mind & Wind

There are only certain things
You can measure -
Half empty or half full
Only so much can be counted  - like opposite & equal
Dreams unencumbered by this density,
Dreams like ones I've lived
Inside your head
Are neither half empty or half full
They exist like breath of breeze;
The wind in your hair, that stirs the trees
I've lived these Dreams inside your head
And kissed them, as they passed by my lips
Kissed them like bittersweet fortunes
And memories of pleasure & pain
That echo,
Mind & Wind

*come and join my 'poet house' - interested? E-mail me for info.

If you have an everyday 'bother' or 'trouble' you would like to share with

Valerie, whatever your age or problem, write or e-mail her at:

[email protected] or care of Review Magazine, 318 S. Hamilton St., Saginaw,

MI 48602