I. Introduction

A. Illustration – Tuesday when I was scanning the news online, I stumbled across a headline about some senators closing the chamber to the public. The words used were harsh and divisive, and the reason given for the action was probably a smoke screen. It’s this kind of practice in the world that had worked its way into the church in Ephesus that Paul is addressing in our passage today. Actually, Paul addressed this practice in several churches, but in Ephesians 4:29-32 he gives some practical advice for getting rid of it. I’m going to read it this morning from two different versions, the New International and The Message.

B. Ephesians 4:29-32 from the NIV – Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

C. And now from The Message: Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift. Don’t grieve God. Don’t break His heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don’t take such a gift for granted. Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.

D. Someone once said that the devil is in the details, meaning that we do pretty well in thinking about things in a broad, general sense but struggle to work out the details that will make them work. If we don’t work out the details, all our efforts will be in vain. Paul is striving to help us understand the details so that we can be kind and compassionate with one another.

II. It’s All in Our Words

A. In this passage Paul uses some pretty strong terms to describe appropriate and inappropriate ways of dealing with each other. What the NIV puts in rather gentle terms as “unwholesome talk” means, “rank, foul, putrid, rotten, worthless, disgusting” – the kind of words we ourselves would never want to hear. The verb form translated “come out” is an imperative – like a military command. In more modern terms, Paul is saying to “put a sock in it” – don’t say it; don’t even think it, if it’s anything close to being unwholesome. That can be a bit of a challenge. I used to cuss like a sailor, and while I rarely say it out loud anymore, there are times when I think it. And you know what? Those times when I think it are times when it’s come awful close to coming out of my mouth. God knows our hearts and judges us on our motives as well as our actions, so we’re better off refusing to think about unwholesome things to say, let alone saying them.

B. This ties in with saying what is helpful for building others up according to their needs. As The Message puts it, Say only what helps, each word a gift. The key phrase is “according to their needs.” There are many times when we feel like we need to say something that has absolutely nothing to do with what the other person needs. We want to “get it off our chest” but in fact it will do them more harm than good. There are many other times when the Holy Spirit is leading us to speak truth into someone’s life that may be difficult to say, so we don’t say it. If it’s helpful, if it will be received as a gift, if it will build the other person up in the faith, and if it comes from the Holy Spirit and not our emotions, then we’ve got to say it, and say it with love. Ephesians 4:15 says, Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. We’re here to help each other grow up, and that’s why speaking words that are wholesome, helpful, and build up is so important.

C. The next phrase is a bit confusing when taken out of context. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. How do we grieve the Holy Spirit? By speaking things that are unwholesome, unhelpful, and unbeneficial to those who listen. That can come through just plain being negative or we can go out of our way to hurt those we’re speaking to, even though we may not even realize we’re doing it. The Message catches the essence of how we avoid grieving God - His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don’t take such a gift for granted. Jesus died to pay the price for us to be in relationship with Him and have the Spirit live in our hearts. His Spirit enables us to speak words that are wholesome, helpful, beneficial and loving. But there’s more we can do to grieve the Holy Spirit and one another.

D. Paul uses some of his strongest language for verse 31 - Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. The word for bitterness indicates someone who keeps their mind in a fretful and irritable condition and so harbors continual animosity. When we’re like that, we’re harsh, negative, hurtful, and our words are laced with venom. That’s what the word means, and Paul is spot on in using it. All of us have had times when we’ve been bitter about something and we’ve hung onto that bitterness. And our words and attitudes reflect our bitterness. And it gets worse. The word translated rage means the temporary passion of instant anger. We all have things that we tend to allow to make us fly off the handle, and we excuse them as mere anomalies in our behavior. Paul says it’s a character flaw that needs God’s Spirit to heal and correct it. But then he says that the deep-flowing, long-lasting anger isn’t any better. The word translated anger or wrath is a root for our English word orgy. Why? Because when we’re caught up in the passion of wanting to hurt others and especially God, we’re capable of anything. The cure? Again, God’s Holy Spirit within us. By nurturing our life in Christ, we can avoid the pitfalls of both kinds of anger and be wholesome, helpful and beneficial in what we say and do.

E. Paul continues with his strong language. Brawling indicates a clamor, outcry, shouting, and strife. And slander, speaking evil of someone, is the outward manifestation of inward anger. In fact, both brawling and slander are outpourings of unresolved anger burning deep within us. Malice underlies it all, because it means we’ve allowed our hearts to fill with anger and evil. What do we do about it? Get rid of it. Make a clean sweep of it. How? The power of the Holy Spirit within us. I’ve mentioned before that last year I had a good friend betray me, and I have to confess that I harbored bitterness in my heart against that person. I felt very uncharitable, alternatingly angry and brokenhearted, and I really wanted to slander that person. But God worked in my heart and is still working in my heart to heal the pain, release the anger, and move me forward. In fact, there’s been some reconciliation taking place, and that is totally a God thing.

F. But it took one more step to get it done. That’s why Paul wrote verse 32 - Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Or as The Message puts it, Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you. Notice how it doesn’t say, “Feel kind and compassionate.” The word translated kind means useful, good, worthy, benevolent. Coupled with compassionate, or tenderhearted, Paul creates a powerful word picture of how we are to treat one another. And in forgiving one another, we’re exercising grace in freely forgiving. That’s what the Greek means. And how did God forgive us? In showing grace by providing undeserved help to those who were unworthy – us! Isn’t that beautiful?! Even though we may think or feel the other person is totally undeserving and should be taken out back to the woodshed, we can forgive by the power of the Holy Spirit just as God forgave us. He sent His Son Jesus to die for us even though we’re rotten to the core and should have been zapped into oblivion. But He didn’t. And because He didn’t, we can’t either.

G. Ultimately, whether or not we’re kind and compassionate to one another boils down to whether or not we make the choice for our actions and words to reflect God’s forgiveness. We can choose to harbor deep-seated bitterness and anger and malice and play right into Satan’s hands. We can also choose to ask the Holy Spirit to help us sweep it away and choose to forgive whether or not our feelings go along for the ride. Remember last week we talked about Galatians 5:1 – It is for freedom that Christ has set you free! There is freedom in kindness and compassion and forgiveness. Let’s defeat Satan’s purposes and choose to be kind and compassionate to and forgiving of one another!

H. Illustration - Dr. Larry Crabb recalls an incident iin the church he attended as a young man. It was customary in this church that young men were encouraged to participate in the communion services by praying out loud. Feeling the pressure of expectation, the young Crabb (who had a problem with stuttering) stood to pray. In a terribly confused prayer, he recalls "thanking the Father for hanging on the cross and praising Christ for triumphantly bringing the Spirit from the grave." When he was finished, he vowed he would never again speak or pray out loud in front of a group. At the end of the service, not wanting to meet any of the church elders who might feel constrained to correct his theology, Crabb made for the door. Before he could get out, an older man named Jim Dunbar caught him. Having prepared himself for the anticipated correction, Crabb instead found himself listening to these words: "Larry, there's one thing I want you to know. Whatever you do for the Lord, I'm behind you one thousand percent." Crabb reflects in his book: "Even as I write these words, my eyes fill with tears. I have yet to tell that story to an audience without at least mildly choking. Those words were life words. They had power. They reached deep into my being" (as cited on PreachingToday.com).

I. We can reach deep into one another’s beings by being kind and compassionate to one another. When we do, we’ll be pleasing to God and becoming the church He has for us to be.

III. Conclusion

A. Please bow your heads and close your eyes out of respect for each other’s privacy. Let’s just spend a few quiet moments listening to the Holy Spirit speak to our hearts about being kind and compassionate to one another.

B. Let’s pray together.