February 10, 2002

Matthew 18:15-20

What the World Never Taught You about Conflict

1. Introduction

1. Opening skit (contrived conflict)
2. Context – Have you ever had problems with conflicts like these? We get ourselves in a lot of trouble biblically, though, because we fail to realize that in reality there are two kinds of conflicts: conflicts over sin and conflicts over expectations and preferences. Oftentimes we treat conflicts over expectations and preferences like the person we’re disagreeing with is sinning by believing the way they do. These kinds of conflicts become sin because our attitudes go south fast, but the original conflicts are not in and of themselves sin. On your bulleting insert you’ll find fourteen rules for effective communication that I found in Becky and Roger Tirabassi’s book How to Live with Them since You Can’t Live without Them. It is my hope you’ll find them helpful in relating to your spouse, to families members, and to others you come in contact with. But remember – these rules are dealing with conflicts that occur over expectations and preferences. The conflicts Jesus is talking about in Matthew 18:15-20, however, are those involving sin, and his teaching in this passage will help us deal with conflicts over sin.

1. Scripture Passage

1. Matthew 18:15-20 – "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. ¹⁶ But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ ¹⁷ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. ¹⁸ "I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. ¹⁹ "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. ²⁰ For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."
2. There are many misunderstandings about this passage, so we’re going to spend some time this morning looking at what Jesus is trying to tell us here.

1. Three Strikes?

1. Jesus tells us that if our brother "sins" against us, we are to take this action. What does it mean to "sin" against someone? John Wesley defined sin as a voluntary transgression against the known will of God. In other words, you know what’s right and either don’t do it or you do what’s wrong instead. That narrows the scope of what this passage applies to quite a bit. There are some folks who believe that you apply the concepts taught here to anyone you disagree with or who does things differently than you think they should be done. Not at all! The principles we’re going to talk about apply to sin issues. Not personality conflicts. Not procedural conflicts. Sin issues. That being understood, let’s take a look at the principles involved here.
2. Jesus says if your brother or sister sins against you, you follow a pattern. First, He issues a command in the imperative (command) voice that you have to go to that person and expose their sin to them privately. Jesus uses a double imperative here – first to go to the sinning brother and then to expose the sin to him. If that takes care of it, great! But if the sinning brother or sister doesn’t listen and repent, or turn his back on the sin, then you have to go to step two.
3. Jesus says step two is this: go and get one or two others to act as witnesses to your sinning brother’s refusal to listen and lack of repentance. The Greek says that you get the others in order that on the mouth of two witnesses he might be made to stand on every word. In other words, see if the brother will stand by what he said and did in front of witnesses. And so that they too can try to convince him of his need to listen and repent. If that doesn’t work, then you go to step three, the most severe.
4. Jesus said that, if the sinning person won’t listen to you, and won’t listen to witnesses, then, take it to the church as a whole. If the person won’t listen to the church and repent, then, as the Greek puts it, he is to you just as the Gentile and the tax gatherer. The Jews would have nothing to do with Gentiles or tax collectors unless they absolutely had to. The Jews would walk around them and do everything they could to avoid them. That’s how we’re to treat someone who sins against us and refuses to repent.
5. That’s tough! What happened to all of the love we’ve been hearing about all these years? Aren’t we supposed to love each other? Unfortunately, as parents know, sometimes if you love someone you've got to be tough with them. Jesus isn’t trying to be mean. He simply understands the consequences of sin that is not repented of – eternal separation from the love of God! How we deal with sin here on earth has eternal consequences, and we’ve got to get a grip on that fact!
6. That’s what He’s saying in verse 18. "I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven." Many times this verse is taken out of context as being separate from verses 15-17. It’s part of the same train of thought. If by not confronting sin in a loving, Christ-like way we leave a person caught in their sin, the consequences of that sin will remain for all eternity. And if by confronting sin in a loving, Christ-like way we release the person from the trap of sin, they will be free from the consequences of that particular sin for all eternity. That’s what He’s saying.
7. Then Jesus emphasizes the point by repeating it a little differently. "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. ²⁰ For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Another verse often taken out of context! Jesus is saying that, if those confronting the sin agree that the sinner has listened and repented from their sin, their forgiveness of the sin will carry over into heaven. He’s saying that God is with those confronting the sin through the entire process. And if the sinner doesn’t listen and repent and is cast out of the church, that decision carries weight in heaven as well. That’s heavy stuff! Why is the teaching here so tough? Because the choices all of us make regarding sin have eternal consequences. Sin is terrible, devastating, cancerous, evil. We forget how bad sin is, and that’s why Jesus has taken the time to teach us how to deal with it. How we choose to confront sin makes a difference for all eternity.
8. Illustration – From Homiletics magazine: A story is told that in 4^th century Korea, a man had two sons. The elder rose to become Chief Justice in the land and the younger became an infamous bandit. The elder brother loved his younger brother but was unable to persuade him to change his ways. Eventually the younger son was caught and brought before his brother, the Chief Justice. Everyone in the courtroom thought the younger brother would get off because it was well-known that the Chief Justice loved his brother. But at the end of the trial, the Chief Justice sentenced his brother to death. On the day of his execution, the elder brother came to the prison and said to his brother "Let’s swap places." The younger brother agreed, thinking that once they realized it was the elder brother, the execution would not go forward. He went up to the hill to watch the proceedings. His brother was brought out and to his horror executed. Filled with remorse, he ran down the hill and told the guard his name and that he was the criminal who should be executed. The guards said to him: "There is no sentence outstanding on anyone with that name." Jesus understood the seriousness of sin enough to take our place on the cross. We’ve got to understand the seriousness of sin enough to confront it when we see it. We’ve got to learn to see sin from Jesus’ perspective.

1. My Problem

1. I have a confession to make. I have a problem with this teaching. No, I don’t think it’s bad theology and I’m not calling Jesus a liar. And I can’t blame it on a poor translation of the Bible because I’ve translated it myself and it comes up the same. But I still have a problem with it.
2. This is my problem – how do I throw someone I love out of the church? How do I handle the pain of hearing their denials over and over again and then have to tell them we can’t have anything to do with them anymore? How do I confront someone when they keep throwing false accusations in my face to try to defend themselves? How do I handle the fear of them rejecting me, even though I’m acting out of love?
3. There’ve been times I’ve handled conflict over sin fairly well, so I know that what Jesus is teaching us here works. But there are many times when my failure to answer those questions has overwhelmed me, causing me to fail to handle things correctly and biblically, causing myself and many others pain. I’ve had to cry many tears of repentance and seek forgiveness from God and from others. But I’ve also learned a little bit. I’m trying to grow up and do better in this area. So this is what I’ve learned.
4. One huge key to overcoming our fears in confronting sin is this: fear paralyses, but faith empowers. So we have to overcome faith with fear. We do that by developing a better connection between our heart and our head. Most of us know in our heads that God’s will is going to happen in the long run no matter what the situation, but we haven’t developed a good enough relationship with Jesus to know it enough in our hearts to overcome our fears. Julie Andrews’ character said this in The Princess Diaries: Courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s moving forward in spite of fear. We overcome our fears in confronting sin by building our relationship with Jesus to the point where we will move forward in spite of our fears. And then, as 1 John puts it, God’s perfect love will cast out our fears.
5. Another key in overcoming our fears in confronting sin is this: we must have no unrepented sin or sinful habits that we refuse to let God deal with in our own lives. Sin in our own lives undermines our spiritual authority. We’re afraid to confront someone else’s sin because we’re afraid our own sin will come out in the open. We’re also afraid that, because of our sin, God won’t hear us when we confront sin in someone else. I’m not saying that we have to be perfect in our performance. I am saying that we have to let God deal with sin in our own hearts and lives and remove it on His timetable. So if we’re living in sin, and God has made it plain to us that we are, we’ve got to start allowing Him to work in us as well as doing what we can to avoid that sin. Sin in our lives undermines our ability to confront sin in anyone else’s life. Following hard after Jesus and repenting of our own sin will help us overcome our fears in confronting sin in someone else.
6. I’m trying to grow to the point where my faith overcomes my fears. I’m trying to be an open book to God and to others regarding sin in my heart and life so that He can help me overcome any sin He finds. I honestly believe that, as I allow God to build more and more of His character into my heart and life, I will overcome my problem in confronting sin in someone else’s life and follow what Jesus has taught us today. The eternal consequences either way are huge – potentially life giving or potentially life-killing. Someone else’s soul could depend on how well you and I confront sin. What are we going to do about it?

1. Conclusion

1. What has Jesus been whispering to your heart this morning? How well are you confronting sin in your life and in the lives of those you care about? How well are you applying Jesus’ principles to your own life? How are you dealing with the eternal consequences of sin?
2. If God’s been speaking to your heart and telling you there needs to be a change, come forward and pray now. Don’t let Satan keep his foothold in your heart and life! Come forward and give yourself over to Jesus, the One who loves you most. Come forward now.