At the time of my writing this the legal drinking age had changed but I had made the cut, I think because of a grandfather clause.   I think my confusion is pretty evident.  Some of what I wrote then is still true now.  I wrote this in '86, I believe, while at college at UW-Oshkosh studying computer science.

What Do I Do Now?
by Glenn A. McGrew II

I'm finally 19, and I don't want to drink.  I hate college, but I need it.  I have a major and I want to change it, but I don't know what to change it to.  girls say that all guys are after is sex, I suppose I fit, but I don't want to.  I want to be different...better.  I want to be fun, and happy, and loved, and make people laugh and feel good.  I want to share my life with someone, but I don't know if I can afford to.  I want to be understood, and accepted, and intelligent.  I want to live, and I want to die.  I want to help people, but I don't know if I could handle the pressure.  I want someone who'll be there when I need her.  Someone who won't try to destroy me with casual teasing, and insults.  Someone who'll accept me as I am, and won't try to get me to change...unless I ask.  I want to be hugged, and kissed, and held, and caressed.  Maybe I want to be a little kid again.  If this is what I'm going to have to deal with the rest of my life, then I don't want to deal.
What do I do now?