Confused and foggy-minded, Bruce realized he was walking back to the dorm of the old Private School he used to attend. It made no sense, but somehow, someway, he was 16 again. This was all too familiar. A scene he had lived through so many years before. Or had he?

"I’m probably just dreaming." The rational part of his mind offered.

"Hey Wayne!" A voice called up from the second floor balcony. He looked up, knowing instinctively what came next. His bedspread was thrown to his feet, semen stained. He clenched his jaw, looking at his tormentors.

"Your curly-haired girlfriend was horny while you were busy with the track and field team, so we ‘entertained’ her!" The tormentor said. He remembered no names, just the faces and that vaguely familiar scene: four spoil-brat teens gloating, clapping each other on the back for taking the heir to the Wayne Empire down a few notches.

"Wait a minute," the rational part of his mind said, memories jumbled, "I’m not 16, I’m the head of Wayne Enterprises, I’m Batman … my lover and life mate is Diana of Themiscyra; none of this is real, in fact, I don’t think it ever happened, not like this anyway."

Bruce smiled at them sternly and in a calm voice said, "So you losers whacked-off on my bedspread. That girl you supposedly ‘entertained’ in my own bed isn’t even my girlfriend. In fact, had you tried anything with my actual girlfriend, she would have handed you your nut sacks by now."

"What ever little orphan Bruce-ey, she said you weren’t man enough for her anyway!" His nameless tormentor said, looking smug. All of a sudden, Bruce was fuming; dropping his gym bag to the ground, storming through the front door.

As a youth, insulting his manhood was a no-no; rubbing his face in his parents’ death was plain suicidal. "And this is the part where I beat the snooty foursome to a pulp, and where I get suspended for the rest of the semester … four on one and I still beat the tar out of them …or did I?" Bruce thought, shreds of his rational mind trying to reason, "None of this ever happened! Yes, I may have gotten in a few scrapes in Senior High and in College, but nothing like this, over a few insults and a girlfriend I never had…now would be a nice time to wake up!"

As he stormed through the door, the scenery changed. He was now walking on a countryside road. He noticed a man, a familiar looking man dressed in dark clothing with an acoustic guitar slung across his shoulder.

While his memory was fuzzy, he remembered his name, "Joey? I’ve had odd dreams before but this is over the top, even for me!" Bruce said.

Joey smiled and played a few chords on his guitar. "Answers you seek yet none I have, a guide I can be to show you the path, not the usual dream indeed you’ve surmised!" He said.

"So then this is a dream?" Bruce said. Joey was now fully dressed in his Reverend Justice suit, guitar gone.

"Only a guide can I be, for the answers you seek, you must follow me!" He said, turning and walking away. Bruce followed.

The scenery changed once more. They were in a room seemingly taken from the Tales of a thousand and one nights. Joey was now dressed like a genie and comically bowed to Bruce, "And now kind Master, shall I call the first wife for you?"

"First wife, Joey, what on earth are you talking about?" Bruce said, confused. "A Harem, form what twisted corner of my subconscious mind did that come from?" Bruce wondered.

"I do not know this Joey you are talking about, I am Hassan your humble servant." Joey said, clapping his hands. Dressed in belly dancer attire, came out the women in Bruce’s life, past and present – Vicky Vale, Selina Kyle, Talia, Kathy Kane and of course, Diana. Bruce could feel his head spin.

Panting, feeling dizzy, Bruce said, "Yes Hassan, call the first wife," he said, looking at Diana, "the only one!" She smiled and walked to him. The lights went out.

"You have chosen well," Joey’s voice said; "closer to the answer you seek you are."

Gone were Diana and Joey. He was sitting in his favourite easy chair in Wayne Manor, in front of the fireplace, book in hand.

"Joey? Diana? Is the answer in this book?" Bruce asked. As expected, the print made no sense. "Dreams …the last time something like this happened I was in Mad Hatter’s lair, and I snapped out of it by jumping off the Bell tower …," he mumbled to himself.

"That would be unadvisable Sir." Alfred’s voice said. Bruce turned to face him. Alfred looked a good 20 years younger. Bruce looked again and saw it was actually Joey dressed as Alfred.

"Joey, this is beginning to annoy me, enough riddles, is this dream or not? Is Mad Hatter behind this or am I going insane?" Bruce asked.

"Not the usual dreams as you know them, not the usual fantasy as you understand it, not the reality you know and value. Forcing your way out your brain may damage, letting your orderly thoughts run wild more confusion may cause." Joey said, with a subtle smile on his lips.

Bruce looked at him, confused.

"Think back of your last memory that was real, you may begin this riddle to solve. Think of the reason why it is I, your first wife and your Butler that come to guide you in this reality; you may begin to understand." Joey said.

Bruce concentrated. The last thing he remembered was being on an impromptu mission, some facts that needed checking, some hunch he needed to verify; an anonymous tip given to J’onn, which he stubbornly insisted to look into himself.

That was not all … as he concentrated he remembered an argument, a silly argument he had had with Diana before leaving the Watchtower. He remembered grabbing Reverend Justice by the arm on his way out and ordering him to accompany him.

His mind was still fuzzy about what caused the argument, but he did remember cursing at himself for his juvenile mood swing while going on site, and promising himself he would make it up to Diana, if he had to beg on his knees and kiss her feet.

"Very good Bruce," Joey’s voice said.

Bruce looked up and saw Joey was wearing his Reverend Justice suit minus the mask and hat.

"I reacted like a hot-headed teen with Diana … thus the scene from High School. I forced Joey to accompany me on this fact-finding mission, thus he is my guide in this reality plane. I realized on my way there how precious Diana is to me; and how I would do anything to apologize to her, thus I chose her in the harem scene. I usually speak to Alfred when I need advice, thus the scene in Wayne Manor." Bruce thought feverishly.

Reverend Justice was looking at him, mask and hat back on, smiling and nodding.

Bruce noticed he was now wearing his Batman suit. "If this is all in my mind; then … if I concentrate hard enough …"

"Batman to Martian Manhunter, can you hear me? J’onn I’m trying to focus as hard as I can, but give me a sign my friend! I’m not sure where I am or what is happening to me – it could be induced hallucinations or some sort of bad virtual reality program; but I’m stuck!" Bruce stopped and paused.

"Damn it J’onn, help me!" Bruce said, once again beginning to feel angry. He heard faintly in the background,

Bruce smiled but looked at Reverend Justice with worry.

"What about you Joey? I don’t know if we’re hooked up to the same contraption, but J’onn couldn’t sense you!" Bruce said.

"He who is me in your reality plane is in no immediate danger for now, but be aware, your friends must hurry." Reverend Justice said.

"J’onn, I hope you can hear me," Bruce thought again, "Joey might be in danger; you must hurry!"

"I hear you my friend, Superman, Shayera, Diana and I are on the way; Green Lantern and Flash are minding the fort. Keep talking to me, we are trying to locate you." Martian Manhunter replied telepathically. "I am picking up Joey’s thought patterns too. You have trained him well: as soon as he realized nothing was real, he assumed the Lotus position and shielded his mind from the illusions."

"J’onn my friend, I solemnly swear I will never complain again when you read my mind!" Bruce said. He could hear J’onn laugh good-heartedly.

Bruce saw his attire had once more changed – he was now wearing his first Bat prototype suit. Joey was dressed in his wrestling gear.

"I’m glad to know you’re okay, I dragged you into this mess, I’m sorry." Bruce said.

"Humble is this reality plane making you; apologies from you are not the norm. I am sure he who is me in your reality plane will appreciate!" Joey said, grinning.

"Even in this reality plane you’re a wise-guy Lucas!" Bruce said, chuckling.

"We are getting closer Bruce;" Martian Manhunter chimed in, "I still cannot communicate with Joey, but I can hear his mantra: ‘Nothing is real, it cannot hurt me.’"

"Thanks J’onn!" Bruce said.

Reality briefly swirled around him as he heard Diana’s familiar voice:

"I found them! Batman, Reverend!" She said.

"Wait for us Diana," Superman’s voice chimed in, "severing the connection might cause them brain damage."

"Understood!" She said. Bruce could feel her hand on his chest, even from his alternate reality plane. "I’m sorry I yelled at you Bruce, it was a silly reason to argue, please be well? Please come back to me?" He heard her say.

"Princess, if only you could hear me from this reality plane! I am so sorry I behaved like a head-strong teenager, I’m sorry I stormed out in a huff!" Bruce said.

"And you too Joey," he heard Diana’s voice say, "come back to us healthy, Shayera was worried sick when you weren’t responding to hails. It would kill her if you were injured."

A doorway opened next to Bruce. The familiar form of J’onn appeared.

"Quick Bruce, take my hand. My Astral Projection has entered your alternate reality state. We need to find Joey in his alternate reality. I will keep your consciousnesses safe as Superman and Hawkgirl disconnect your bodies from that infernal machine." Martian Manhunter said.

Bruce nodded and grabbed onto his friend’s hand. They flew through the doorway and into a dark corridor. A new doorway opened, they saw Reverend Justice, sitting in the middle of a Hexagonal ring with force field walls rather than cables; assuming the Lotus Position, the fallen figure of Solomon Grundy next to him. An angry public was screaming "Fight damn it, fight you pair of wusses!" Reverend Justice was oblivious to them.

In a cage suspended above the ring was a woman bearing a striking resemblance to Hawkgirl.

"Joey!" Martian Manhunter said.

"Nothing is real, it cannot hurt me." Reverend Justice repeated to himself.

"My Astral Projection has penetrated your alternate reality Joey; Take my hand, follow us; I will protect your consciousness while Superman and Hawkgirl disconnect your bodies from this infernal machine." Martian Manhunter said.

"Nothing is real, it cannot hurt me." Reverend Justice repeated to himself.

"Joey, we are your allies, "Martian Manhunter said, "You have nothing to lose by trusting us, and following us. This might be the exit from this alternate reality."

Joey looked up at them and nodded. He took J’onn’s other hand. They flew.

"Kal-El, Shayera; I have them. Pull the plug now!" Martian Manhunter said.

Bruce’s vision became fuzzy and cleared as the Virtual Reality visor was removed from him. He smiled as he recognised Superman and Wonder Woman removing his restrains.

"Batman, I’m so glad you’re okay!" She said, unable to hold back her tears. She kissed him, leaving Superman feeling a bit awkward and looking away.

"Princess," he said in a near whisper, dropping from the table to his knees.

"Great Hera, what are you doing?" she said, giggling a little as he proceeded to remove her left boot.

"Apologizing," He said, covering her bare left foot with kisses. "I acted like a head-strong teen. Please forgive me!"

"It was only a silly argument!" She said putting her boot back on, "But you can apologize to me like this any time tough guy!"

Batman got back to his feet and held her.

"I don’t get in J’onn," Hawkgirl said, "He’s been removed from the machine but he’s not budging from the table!"

"He is still not convinced the illusion is over," Martian Manhunter said, "his mind keeps repeating, ‘Nothing is real, it cannot hurt me.’"

Hawkgirl looked at Reverend Justice on the table and said, "Oh, I’ll show him real!"

She puckered him up with her left hand and kissed him, passionately.

Joey inhaled deeply and smiled; "Now that was real! My Angel came to save me!"

Shayera snickered and said, "I can’t take the entire credit preacher, this was a team effort!"

Reverend Justice smiled at them, Superman, Martian Manhunter, Wonder Woman and Hawkgirl. "Thank you all my friends for saving my hide again!"

They smiled back at him, Hawkgirl hugging him.

"So much for investigating of a tip, Brother Batman, what the hell was this thing anyway?" Reverend Justice asked.

"The combined technologies of Mad Hatter and the Riddler," Batman said, "in a cruder form. The adaptable VR software had a few flaws, thankfully for us, it allowed us to reason our way out and to contact Martian Manhunter telepathically."

"Whoever concocted this plan did go through great lengths to get you here Batman," Hawkgirl said, "the fake tip was sent to flush you out. What they had not counted on was that you would bring Preacher along with you. From the size of the second table, they expected either Robin or Batgirl to accompany you. The last thing you must have realized while coming in here is that the room was filled with sleeping gas."

"Whoever indeed: Mad Hatter and Riddler are still in Arkham." Reverend Justice said, giving Hawkgirl a loving sideways glance, hidden by his mask.

"We will have to keep our eyes open," Superman said, "But for now we need to get you both to the infirmary and have you looked over."

Wonder Woman cast Batman a look that meant, "Just you try to say you’re fine tough guy!"

Batman saw it and said, "A sound precaution," then gave Wonder Woman a wink from under his mask.

Reverend Justice put his arm around Hawkgirl, revelling in the reality – it was indeed her, in the flesh. She smiled and returned his embrace.

"Superman to Watchtower 1, request a direct transport to Sickbay, Mr Terrific do you copy?" Superman said.

They transported to the infirmary.

The End.