Through the grand sum of all my experiences
I am feeling a numb winter overflowing me
Everything is numbing out...
becoming more distant.
Is this simply a growth of armor,
from the experience of pain?
Or something worse?
Emotional control increases.
Emotional feeling/realness decreases.
Is my evolution to this machine unstoppable?
Is it too late to turn back the clock?
I want to heal from my pain.
I want to feel from my heart.
I want to be real...
and not become a machination of perfect emotional control.
I want to be real...
and not just run the self-assigned program.
I want to be real...
and not this half-real hybrid in transition.
When I set these changes in motion...
I was preparing to fight a war that I know is pointless
Now, I am only at war with myself.
The only thing that is not numbing out is the pain.
Someone, something, save me from the monster I am becoming.
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