Spiral
whirling, twirling
ambushed and violated
Forced into decisions
Mixed signals abounding
Some day things will be clear
Why can�t I write anymore
through the abyss called life she is swirling
trying to hold onto hope
but grasping handfuls of nothing
shrinking, sinking
the luminance is slowly blinking
fading away gradually
until it is extinguished
shrieking, seeking
out of every pore her soul is leaking
her spirit tries to flee from pain
searches for a permanent escape
sawing, gnawing
the demon disease begins clawing
the hurt and suffering are intense
but the foreseen conclusion is worse
sighing, crying
a revelation of the dying
one final convulsion wracks her body
then all is black
The Victim
what was once whole is now fragmented
weak and worthless
a bitter rage builds
tainted and terrorized, the boy inside cease to exist
this new �creature� needs to regain power,
Pride
destroy as you were destroyed
seek revenge, pass on your guilt
a forceful exertion, prove your strength
panic sets in
more confused than ever
this victimized criminal
Patterns of Restraint
Impossible to choose
Consequences unknown
But either way you�ll lose
Can�t tell the truth from lies
Coping is confusing
More dilemmas arise
You will understand fate
But when that day arrives
What if it is too late?
Writer's Block
Nothing is coming
Complete emptiness
Forced insanity
I�ve lost my words
Perhaps universities smother creativity.
wandering around the earth
they stomp its face
the others are ignored
the mundane grasps their attention
self-absorbed absorption
is this life? - -
mirrors fog in front of their eyes - -
half-souls.
Dear
Slow down
You�ll have time
To do your work
When the sun rises
Constantly in a rush
Never wond�ring, just doing
You�re gonna collapse
If you don�t relax
Sit down and breathe
Look around
Embrace
Now
It is presently 1:41am on a Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. I have no idea why i am still up or why i am writing this on my page. It just seems like the right thing to do. I worked on a paper for a while, trying to convince myself that the paper was the reason for my lack of sleep. However, i realize now that i don't want to sleep because i am constantly waiting for something to happen. Something monumental. I've really never had anything like that happen before out of the blue, so i don't know why i think it would occur now, of all days, after 1:30 in the morning. But that little glimmering of hope keeps me on my computer, waiting, grasping, wishing. If someone is actually reading this, i'm sorry to have wasted your time with my rantings. And if it's after midnight, go to bed already, you're not missing anything!! One last thing... if one night you are here and i am here and it's late, give a girl a hand and make my time a little more exciting somehow. Maybe then i'll get rid of this silly insomnia.
Ok, so guess what i did. I rock, i swear. So there's this "face-off" on the South Bend radio station between Britney Spears and A-Team or something, who remade a bunch of ABBA songs. The specific one in question is "Dancing Queen." So i hear the two songs and call in and vote. The DJ picks up the phone and asks for my opinion. So i say, "I'm gonna have to vote for Britney Spears... i hate the girl with a passion, but at least she didn't remake a song that sucked in the first place" and the DJ starts busting up laughing and responds, "OH MY LORD!!!" The best part is yet to come though... they played me on the radio! I only got the very last part on tape, but it was so gratifying. Now all of South Bend knows that i don't like Britney Spears, but i despise sucky remixes :)
I've been home for the summer now for almost a week. After spending 2 years in an out-of-state college, i have learned a lot. It's hard, but i really think everyone should consider going to college out-of-state. You learn a lot about yourself and taking care of yourself. No coming home on the weekends to see friends and do laundry. No one to help you pack or unpack. You're on your own. Also, you learn about your "friends." If nothing else, living 700 miles away from home has helped me to sort the true friends from those who just call you when they are bored or have a problem. Some people i still talk to everyday at school. Some i talk to every few weeks. Some i don't hear from until i step foot in my door in Philadelphia. Those are the ones who have taught me the most. They have taught me that i am the best person to talk to, when it doesn't cost money or take a 10 minute email to reach me. But when i am out of immediate range, i am forgotten. Maybe i'm just blowing off steam right now. I know i am. But there is truth in what i am saying. I just hope these same people know that i have not forgotten THEM. But i also refuse to give and give and never get anything back in return. I talked to a psychic last night and she told me i am too worried about making everyone else happy. She was right.