[ Northern Lights ]

 

 

AUTHOR: Isabelle Kennedy

FEEDBACK: [email protected]

WEBPAGE: http://www.geocities.com/retroeighties

CATEGORY: Holly/Dan, Holly/Patrick, AU

SPOILERS: General

RATING: NC-17

 

DISCLAIMER: All characters are the property of the BBC, Kelsey, Huggett, Masters & related companies. No copyright infringement intended. Archive anywhere; just drop me a line first.

 

SUMMARY: She was inexplicably drawn to him, unable to resist.

 

 

 

 

It wasn't snowing, but it should have been.

 

She rises from the bed slowly and slips on his dressing gown, tightening the waist and rolling up the sleeves as she always does. Padding down the chilly hallway, she fills the kettle and puts two slices of bread in the toaster. She performs these actions almost every morning, but she never feels entirely comfortable being here. It is easier at her house, but he prefers to stay at his and, most of the time, she doesn't have the strength to protest.

 

As she surveys the early morning grey of the outside world, she feels two arms slide around her waist and smiles as he lightly plants a kiss upon her neck.

 

"What are you doing up?" she asks curiously.

 

He shrugs. "The bed felt empty without you."

 

She is almost touched by his words, but they are slightly too smooth, too practiced.

 

"What time does your shift start?" he asks over the hissing of the kettle.

 

"Seven," she replies, twisting out of his embrace and filling the percolator with hot water. "What about you?"

 

"I don't have to been in until nine."

 

She already knew that.

 

"Anyone would think that critical care managers don't do any work," she teases, filling the two mugs with coffee.

 

He picks up the nearest mug. "We don't."

 

*

 

They eat breakfast in silence, then she returns upstairs, leaving him reading the newspaper. She picks up her discarded clothes as she enters the bedroom, placing them neatly in the laundry bin. Then, sitting on the bed, she opens the wardrobe door with her foot and gazes at the contents. She keeps several changes of clothes at his house; just enough to relieve the necessity of returning home in the morning. Eventually dragging out a pair of black trousers and a pink cardigan, she places them in her arms and then roots in the dresser for underwear, which she balances on top of the pile.

 

Thirty minutes later, she stands at the front door, emptying out the contents of her bag in a futile search for her car keys. He ambles up, still not dressed, dangling the keys from his index finger. Frowning, she snatches them from his hand and kisses his cheek quickly, glancing at her watch.

 

Then she smiles as he grasps her waist and pulls her into a kiss, vaguely noticing that he tastes of coffee and something that she can't identify. Reluctantly moving away, she opens the door and places a final kiss on his lips.

 

"See you later," Dan calls as she pulls the door shut behind her.

 

*

 

As she drives into work, she twists the tuner, desperately trying to find a decent station. Finally abandoning her search, she switches the radio off and contemplates the weather. During the long, dull months of February, it seems as though summer won't ever arrive.

 

She had resigned herself to weeks of cold, wet and windy days when six-thirty in the morning felt like the middle of the night.

 

It is times like these when she thinks seriously about emigrating. MSF sounds appealing and she's heard that hot places like Australia need doctors. Perhaps, like Sean, she could just up and leave; she didn't think many people would care if she went. She shakes her head quickly to clear it of the self-pity that threatens to engulf her, then drives into the hospital car park.

 

There aren't many people there at a quarter to seven in the morning and she recognises Charlie's car and Patrick's; his Alfa Romeo stands out a mile in the overcast morning. Pulling her bag from the passenger seat, she slides out and locks the door. The entrance doors swish as she as she walks through into the fluorescent glare of the reception. There are several people sitting in chairs, most looking tired and washed out in the merciless light.

 

Hunching her shoulders, she enters the empty staffroom and drops her bag on the nearest chair. The blinds are closed and the sink is full; the staff on night shifts get their revenge by leaving the crockery unwashed for the people who are lucky enough to keep relatively social hours. Sighing, she sits heavily on the sofa, next to her bag and closes her eyes.

 

The banging of the blinds as someone opens the door shatters the peace of the room. Looking up, she frowns as Patrick strides over to the sink and then curses at the lack of mugs.

 

"Can't you be a bit quieter?" she asks sharply.

 

"No. Why are there no mugs?"

 

She rolls her eyes. "Because no-one's washed up. Why don't you?"

 

"I didn't use them."

 

"Well, just think of it as your good deed for the year."

 

He makes a face at her. "What's wrong with you?"

 

"Nothing."

 

"Dan not let you sleep last night?"

 

She ignores his attempts to bait her. "Perhaps I wouldn't let him."

 

Patrick snorts but says nothing. She closes her eyes again, listening to him crash and clatter at the sink. Eventually the noise ceases and she hears him walk towards the door. Opening her eyes as he stops in front of her, she then looks up in surprise when he places a warm mug of coffee in her hands.

 

"Patrick..."

 

He smiles slightly. "Don't let it get around."

 

"They wouldn't believe me," she replies as he picks up his own mug and exits the room.

 

*

 

Later that day, she enters the staffroom and, groaning slightly, slips off her shoes and curls up in an armchair. As she expects, Dan walks in several minutes later, carrying a packet of sandwiches and bends down to kiss her. After a minute, she pushes him away, muttering about privacy and decorum.

 

He snaps her fingers. "Before I forget, I've got a meeting with the chairman and he wants to talk over dinner, so I'm not sure when I'll be home. But you've got keys, let yourself in and I'll see you whenever."

 

She pauses. "I think I'm going to go home tonight. I've got stuff to do and I really need to catch up on sleep."

 

"Oh, okay."

 

She reaches out to break off a corner of his sandwich and he playfully bats her hand away, then hands her the whole triangle.

 

She accepts it with a wry smile.

 

*

 

Wearily, she leans against the nurse's station, watching people hurry about, intent on their duties. She stares at the clock, mentally counts off the minutes, when the doors fly open.

 

"Holly," Chloe calls. "Max needs your help in resus."

 

"What about Patrick? I'm going home in a minute."

 

She shakes her head. "It's a paeds case. Max wanted you."

 

"Fine," she sighs and follows Chloe into resus.

 

"What it is, Max?" she asks, tugging on a pair of gloves and an apron.

 

"RTA. Four year old versus a car," he replies. "It doesn't look good. Serious head injury, possibly an extradural haemorrhage..."

 

"What's her BP?" she enquires, moving to the figure on the trolley.

 

*

 

Numbly, she rips off her bloody gloves and apron, throwing them into the disposal bin. She can hear Max call her name, but chooses to ignore him as she stalks away.

 

Walking unsteadily along the corridor, she pauses outside his office, her hand resting upon the door handle. Then she stumbles backwards as the door opens suddenly and he steps outside, a blue file in his hand. She sighs in relief, reaching out for him.

 

"Dan, I need to talk to you..."

 

He runs his hand down her arm, resting his fingers briefly on her wrist. "Can it wait? Only I've got this dinner with..."

 

"No, not really."

 

"Look, Holly," he starts, glancing at his watch and running a hand through his hair. "I'm running late. Whatever it is, can't we talk about it later?"

 

She shrugs sullenly. "Don't bother."

 

"Holly, if I had time to talk now, I would, I promise," he pleads, holding out his free hand in apology. "I'm sorry."

 

Then he leans in to kiss her cheek, but she flinches and moves away.

 

"Fine," he says, while she remains silent. "I'll speak to you later."

 

She spins on her heel and walks away so that he doesn't see her tears.

 

*

 

Hunting frantically through her locker, she throws random items into her bag.

 

"Can't wait to get home, Holly?" Patrick asks smugly. "I bet Dan's got an exciting evening planned..."

 

She slowly turns to face him and he halts, seeing the tearstains on her face.

 

"Holly..."

 

"Just fuck off, Patrick."

 

Then she swings her bag over her shoulder and strides out of the door.

 

She had not gone more than a dozen steps when he grabs her wrist, spinning her around to face him.

 

"What the hell was that about?"

 

She struggles in his grasp. "Let me go, Patrick."

 

"I'll let you go when you tell me what's wrong."

 

"It's got nothing to do with you," she snaps.

 

"Who then?"

 

She doesn't answer.

 

"Is it Dan?"

 

She simply glares at him.

 

"Holly, is it Dan?" he asks again, louder this time.

 

Twisting her head away from his penetrating gaze, she is silent. His free hand grips her jaw painfully, forcing her to look at him, even as she struggles to turn away.

 

"I thought so."

 

*

 

She follows him to his door, waiting as he slides the key into the lock and then swings the door shut behind them. Then, wordlessly, he pushes her against the wall, his mouth hard upon hers. Her hands rise to grip his shoulders tightly, pulling him closer. She feels something digging into the small of her back, but she doesn't care.

 

They fall onto his bed, naked now, and he pins her arms above her head, nudging her legs apart with his knee. She can't touch him, even though she desperately wants to, can feel his cock hard against her thigh. She can only lie still as his fingers edge between her legs, inside her, over her clit. Soon she comes hard against his hand, arching her hips up into his palm. Then he kisses her, firm and quick as he slides his cock inside her, stretching her and she remembers how it used to feel. His hands slip to her lower back and he lifts her against him; she wraps her legs around his waist, pulling him deeper into her as they move together.

 

His hand drifts down to her clit again and he strokes it gently with his thumb as he drives into her. Only minutes later, she is panting his name and clutching his shoulders as she comes for the second time. Then, tightening his grip on her wrists, he comes too, pushing even deeper insider her. Afterwards, his head drops onto her chest and she wraps her arms around him as they catch their breath.

 

*

 

She lies in his bed later, distractedly wishing that she still smoked. It seems appropriate, somehow, for the situation. This is, quite possibly, the stupidest thing that she's ever done. Staring up at the ceiling, she inhales the now faint aroma of sweat and sex that permeates the room. Then he shifts beside her and she notices, vaguely, that her thighs ache.

 

Waking up disorientated several hours later, she pushes the tangled sheets aside, then slides out of the bed and pads to the bathroom. She returns she minutes later, dressed, although her hair is still damp and plastered to her neck.

 

"Where are you going?"

 

She jumps slightly, in the darkness. "Home."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because I have to."

 

"Oh."

 

"We probably have to talk."

 

"Yeah."

 

"Patrick, we have to talk about Dan..."

 

"I'm not going to say anything."

 

"Okay," she says slowly.

 

There is a pause.

 

"Thank you."

 

"Did you really think I would?" he asks, mildly offended.

 

She smiles, knowing that he can't see her. "I wasn't talking about Dan."

 

*

 

She steps into her house at dawn and drops her bag heavily on the floor. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees the light on her answerphone blinking rapidly. With a sigh, she crosses the floor and stabs at the plastic button. The sound of Dan's voice fills the room and she feels a wave of guilt wash over her.

 

"Holly. . . I guess you're not there, but I'm done with my meeting and wondered if you wanted to come over? I know you said that you were staying at home tonight, but I... I kinda miss you. Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye."

 

Groaning slightly, she sinks to the floor and wraps her arms around herself. With a start, she realises that she can still smell Patrick's cologne and feel his hands on her.

 

Staggering to her feet, she climbs the stairs, unbuttoning her cardigan as she walks. Reaching the landing, she steps out of her trousers and tosses the clothes into the laundry bin. She catches a glimpse of her face in the bathroom mirror, noticing the slight redness on her cheeks from his stubble and closes her eyes, rubbing them with the heels of her hands. Then she removes her underwear and gingerly steps into the hot shower. As she stands motionless, waiting for her body to adjust to the temperature, she reflects on the previous night. She knows that fucking Patrick was a mistake, but she can't deny that there is an attraction between them. Still, there is Dan to consider. How hard can it be to stay away from him?

 

Reaching for the shampoo, she grimaces. Pretty hard. But it isn't as if she has a choice.

 

When she's freshly showered and dressed in clean clothes, she feels better. She can no longer feel him on her; the water has washed away the memories of last night. Sitting at her dressing table, she pulls out a tube of lipstick and twists off the cap. Pursing her lips and applying the colour, her mind drifts to Dan. She likes him and knows that he likes her. Perhaps he's even in love with her, she isn't sure. She knows that she's not in love with him. Then again, she doesn't know whether she's actually been in love before. She supposes that it is something a woman should know instinctively and, in that case, she is certain that she hasn't.

 

*

 

She walks into the hospital, coat buttoned against the cold and her hands covered by gloves. The sky has a grey hue that threatens imminent snow and she isn't looking forward to the drive home. Pulling off her gloves, she collides with someone, who reaches out their arms to steady her.

 

"Holly," Dan exclaims, his hands slipping up to brush her collarbone and cheeks. "I was... I didn't realise you were in yet."

 

"I wasn't. I mean, I only just arrived. How was your meeting?"

 

"Oh," he murmurs. "I phoned you last night, after it'd finished, but you weren't in."

 

"I must've been in the bath," she stammers. "I didn't see the message until this morning."

 

"Okay."

 

"Do you want to go out for dinner?"

 

"Tonight?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"I don't think I can, Holly. It's just that this meeting... it means that I've got a load of extra work."

 

"Right."

 

He wipes a hand across his face. "Oh god, Holly, I'm sorry. I know you wanted to talk and I was caught up in work... Look, we'll go out, okay. This evening."

 

"No, it's fine," she replies, forcing a smile. "I didn't need to talk to you, I just wanted to spend some time with you."

 

"Oh," he murmurs, grasping her shoulder and pulling her closer. "I didn't realise."

 

He kisses her softly and, automatically, she slides her arms around him. Over his shoulder, however, she sees Patrick, who raises an eyebrow then turns away. Awkwardly pushing Dan away, she runs a hand through her hair.

 

"Not here."

 

"Come to my office, then," he whispers and she can feel his erection pushing into her hip.

 

She snakes her head. "I can't - I've got work and so have you."

 

"Yeah. Later though."

 

"Maybe."

 

*

 

She lets the staffroom door bang shut behind her.

 

"Having fun, Holly?"

 

"Patrick..."

 

He turns from the sink, holding his hands up. "Only joking. None of my business, I know."

 

"Yeah," she replies, thinking that it might be his business now.

 

"So..." he begins, exhaling loudly.

 

"Yeah," she says again, unable to think of anything else to contribute.

 

"I assume you want to talk about last night."

 

"I'd rather pretend it never happened," she responds, only half-joking.

 

"It wasn't that bad, was it?"

 

"No."

 

"Well, we write it off as an aberration, then. You were upset and I forgot we weren't in school anymore."

 

"That wasn't..."

 

He smiles coolly. "It's probably better we just leave it at that."

 

*

 

Several weeks later, though, she finds herself standing outside his house. He opens the door, looking at her in surprise.

 

She lifts her head. "You were much easier to stay away from five years ago."

 

They stand in silence for a moment, until she kisses him awkwardly, balancing on the balls of her feet. She threads her hands through his hair, desperately pulling him closer. Slowly, his hands move to brush her shoulders, almost reverently and then tangle in her hair. They stumble inside, the door slamming shut behind them.

 

His hand snakes under her shirt, tugging at the clasp of her bra. But instead she sinks to her knees in his hallway, unbuttoning his jeans and taking his cock into her mouth.

 

He strokes her cheeks, her neck as her tongue swirls around the tip of his cock and her fingers glide along the base. When she takes him back into her mouth, his hands slide into her hair. Then, soon, he comes, his fingers pressing against her scalp tightly, almost painfully.

 

Afterwards, he pulls her roughly to her feet and presses her into the wall, undoing her trousers with one hand and sliding his other into her underwear. She arches against him as he slides his fingers into her, the wetness covering his hand. As he moves his fingers, she kicks her clothes away from her ankles. This time, he is the one to slide to his knees, parting her legs with his free hand and lifting one over his shoulder.

 

His fingers continue to push in and out of her and he flicks his tongue over her clit, circling the nub and nipping it lightly with his teeth. She whimpers as she comes, clutching his hair and shoulders desperately. Then, while she is still breathing hard, he picks her up and carries her to the bedroom.

 

*

 

The light streams through the bedroom blinds, casting shadows throughout the room. She lies awake, her hands tracing invisible patterns on the duvet cover. She thinks back to a physics class that she took years ago, on astronomy. She doesn't remember much, but some of it has stayed with her. She knows that the sun sends out streams of charged particles into space, which are attracted to the Earth's magnetic force. She knows that their unification produces brilliant displays of light called aurorae: the aurora borealis in the northern hemisphere.

 

She also remembers their name: the Northern Lights.

 

The elements are inexplicably drawn to each other… unable to resist. That seems to define their entire relationship. Inexplicable, but inevitable. Capable of producing spectacular displays, but unfortunately she knows from experience that, like the elements, they don't complement each other. They annihilate each other.

 

*

 

Several months later, she sprawls back on his bed, sweeping her hair away from her damp neck. Lying there for a few minutes, she savours the feel of his hand lightly stroking her hip. Then, reluctantly, she swings her legs over the side of the bed and braces her hands on the edge, her back curved. Lazily, he reaches out and traces tiny circles on her spine.

 

"I've got to go home," she murmurs, arching her back away from his hand.

 

"Right."

 

"Dan's taking me out for dinner again," she says awkwardly, pushing herself off the bed.

 

He closes his eyes and runs a hand down his face. "Okay."

 

"Yeah. I said I'd be there for half eight, so... I should probably leave now."

 

He nods, watching as she heads for the bathroom, retrieving her abandoned clothes as she went.

 

A few minutes later, she returns, picking up her bag and kissing his cheek as she leaves, exiting into the early morning light.

 

*

 

That night, she lies in Dan's bed, staring at the ceiling. He slides his cock into her and she winces, not yet wet enough, but he doesn't notice. She can feel his breath on her neck as he moves inside her and she automatically winds her legs around his thighs, unable to stop comparing him with Patrick. He moves his hand down, blindly searching for her clit, but his monotonous rubbing does nothing for her and she is nowhere near coming.

 

Soon, he pushes up into her for the final time and then collapses against her. She strokes his back and he looks up at her.

 

"You didn't..."

 

"Yeah."

 

"Do you want me to..."

 

She shakes her head, wondering why he can't say the words. He nods and rolls back over onto the mattress.

 

She likes him, feels comfortable with him, enjoys his company, but they don’t have a spark. And she wonders how much that spark is worth, whether good sex is worth the sacrifice.

 

*

 

The next day, she pauses in the doorway of his office, watching as Dan works industriously. Shuffling her feet, he looks up and smiles as she enters the room. Pushing aside his notes, he links his fingers under her chin and studies her as she slides into a chair opposite him.

 

"What?" she asks as he focuses his gaze on her.

 

Dan shakes his head. "Nothing."

 

"I heard you wanted to see me," she says, crossing her legs.

 

"Yeah."

 

He shuffles the papers on his desk. "I've got to go away for a few days... the day after tomorrow actually."

 

She raises an eyebrow. "Oh?"

 

"Newcastle," he replies. "Business. I'll be back at the weekend."

 

"Okay."

 

She pauses. "Dan, I..."

 

He cuts her off. "Holly, I've got a lot of work to do, so..."

 

"Right," she murmurs, rising from the chair and wondering what he's thinking.

 

*

 

Three days later, she opens her door to Patrick, noticing absently that the evenings are becoming longer at last.

 

"I think he knows something's going on," she says as slides his arms around her waist and kisses her neck hungrily, backing her into the wall.

 

There is a pause and then he raises his head. "Dan?"

 

"Yes," she replies, rolling her eyes. "He's gone to Newcastle, but I don't know why."

 

"Perhaps he's having an affair," he suggests, sliding his palms over her breasts.

 

She pushes him away. "What?"

 

"Holly, I was joking. He's probably on some incredibly boring manager course. Anyway, you're hardly in a position to talk, are you?" he asks, pushing his hips into hers for emphasis.

 

She releases her hold on her shirt, relaxing slightly. "Yeah, you're probably right."

 

"I know," he whispers, bending down to kiss her again.

 

In his bedroom, they shed their clothes quickly. Immediately, his hands return to her breasts, circling the hardened nipples and then taking one into his mouth. She squirms under his hands and mouth and he drops his free hand to her lower back, pulling her against him, his cock pressing into her hip. She slides a hand between their bodies and runs her fingers over it, feeling him twitch under her touch.

 

He turns her around and bends her over the bed, spreading her legs and slipping first one, then two fingers inside her. Moments later, he removes his fingers and she clutches the bedcovers as he slides his cock into her from behind. He holds her hips tightly as he drives into her and she braces herself against the frame of the bed. His hand moves across her hipbone and he circles her clit with his thumb and forefinger, stroking it firmly. Soon he feels her muscles clutch his cock as she cries out and he comes too, pushing hard into her. Then, pulling out, he collapses on the bed, drawing her into his arms.

 

*

 

Later that evening, she lies on her side, gazing into the near darkness as he tightens his arms around her waist.

 

"I think he does know."

 

He groans. "Holly, if he knew, then you'd know about it."

 

She pauses for a moment. "Well, he's suspicious."

 

"So?"

 

"Patrick," she whines, drawing his name out over several syllables. "I don't want to hurt him."

 

He snorts. "Perhaps you shouldn't have started fucking me then."

 

She sits up, prying his hands from her waist and swinging her legs onto the floor.

 

"Do you feel guilty," she asks suddenly, surprising him.

 

He answers honestly. "No."

 

She nods in the darkness. "Okay."

 

He traces his finger down the curve of her back. "Do you want to stop?"

 

"This?" she asks, her head thrown back.

 

He waves his hand expansively. "This. Everything. Us."

 

"I want to... I think I should," she shrugs almost imperceptibly. "But I don't think I can."

 

"Why?"

 

"It's too much, I don't know what to do."

 

He doesn't comfort her.

 

*

 

An insistent ringing breaks through the early morning calm and he opens his eyes, trying to remember where he is. The sound of the telephone finally filters through his sleep-addled brain and, without thinking, he reaches over and picks up the receiver.

 

“Hello?” he asks gruffly, rubbing his eyes.

 

There is silence for a moment.

 

“I’m sorry, I think I’ve got the wrong number.”

 

“Dan?” he says loudly, feeling her stir beside him.

 

“I’m not...”

 

He feels her nails dig sharply into his forearm and winces. She makes a grab for the receiver and he reluctantly hands it to her.

 

“Dan, I can explain...”

 

He sounds confused. “Holly?”

 

“Yes, I...”

 

“Who was that?”

 

“Dan...”

 

His voice is more forceful now. “Was it?”

 

“Yes,” she murmurs weakly, waiting for the inevitable explosion.

 

Instead, she hears only the dial tone.

 

*

 

He sits on the edge of the bed, watching as she paces the room, gesticulating wildly.

 

“How can you just sit there?”

 

He sighs. “Holly, calm down.”

 

“Don’t tell me to calm down,” she snaps, waving her hand at him. “You have no idea.”

 

Suddenly, he springs from the bed and grabs her wrists, stilling the movement. “It’s not as bad as you think.”

 

She struggles. “How could it possibly be any worse?”

 

Defeated, he releases her and she resumes pacing.

 

“I never wanted this.”

 

He sits back on the bed heavily. “You didn’t think you’d get found out?”

 

“I didn’t think it would go this far,” she said, shrugging.

 

“What?”

 

“I didn’t think I’d have to choose.”

 

He looks at her. “You don’t.”

 

“Of course I do.”

 

“I’m not a choice, Holly. You don’t get to weigh up both of us and then pick one.”

 

She stops abruptly. “I didn’t mean that.”

 

“Yes, you did. You just assumed that I’d want to be chosen.”

 

“Don’t you?” she asks, raising her eyebrow.

 

He doesn’t answer her question directly. “I didn’t expect it to go this far either.”

 

She looks surprised and he slowly rises from her bed.

 

“I should probably go.”

 

“Yeah, you should,” she says, her voice rising. “Because this is obviously a fucking great time for you to leave me.”

 

Closing his eyes momentarily, he leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

 

*

 

She lets herself into the house as it starts to rain, her footsteps echoing on the floor as she walks down the hallway.

 

“Dan?”

 

Entering the kitchen, she saw him sitting at the table, his shoulders tense as he stares out of the window.

 

“Please listen to me. I can explain...”

 

He turns to face her, his eyes red-rimmed. “Don’t bother, Holly. At least do me the courtesy of not lying.”

 

She nods slowly.

 

“Perhaps you were wondering why I went to Newcastle? I didn’t tell you... I thought I might be tempting fate, but I had an interview for clinical director in a hospital there. I got the job,” he says, without a trace of joy. “I was going to ask you to come with me. I thought there might be a small chance that you’d say yes...”

 

“There still is,” she interrupts. “I want to go with you.”

 

“I don’t think I want you to come anymore.”

 

He runs a hand across his face. “I think if it’d been anyone else, Holly, then maybe I could forgive you. But not him, not Patrick.”

 

She swallows back her tears. “When are you leaving?”

 

He turns back to the window. “As soon as possible.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“I deserved better than this, Holly.”

 

She looks at him. “I know and I’m sorry.”

 

*

 

He opens the door slowly, not sure who to expect that late in the evening. She stands there, her head bowed and raindrops falling from her clothes and hair. Silently, he steps aside and lets her enter.

 

“Patrick,” she begins, pushing a hand through her dripping hair and kneading the base of her neck.

 

“Yes?”

 

“He’s leaving me.”

 

She stumbles forward and he catches her, folding her in his arms.

 

“I’ve ruined everything,” she whispers into his shirt.

 

“No you haven’t,” he murmurs, more out of comfort than truth.

 

She laughs harshly. “He’s leaving and I didn’t realise what I had until now.”

 

“Are you in love with him?”

 

“What?” she asks, her voice muffled.

 

“Do you love him?”

 

“I’m not sure.”

 

There is a pause, and then she speaks.

 

“Do you think it’s possible to be in love with two people at the same time?”

 

“I don’t think so.”

 

She looks up in surprise, tears staining her cheeks.

 

“You might think you are, but this is just infatuation. It didn’t last before, it won’t now.”

 

He turns away from the confused look in her eyes.

 

“Holly, you know what I’m going to say. If you really do love him...”

 

Gently, she steps away and then kisses his cheek.

 

“Thank you.”

 

*

 

After she leaves, he slumps into his armchair, one hand grasping a tumbler and the other a bottle of Glenfiddich. It’s expensive, but then she’s worth it. Upending the bottle, he watches as the amber liquid swirls into the glass and then raises it in a sardonic toast to the empty room.

 

“To the end of a beautiful friendship.”

 

Tipping his head back, he swallows the whisky in one gulp. He eyes water as it burns his throat and he realises that he isn’t completely numb yet. Filling the glass again, he repeats his actions, enjoying the sharp taste of the liquid.

 

*

 

Slamming her front door and leaning back against it for a moment, she vainly attempts to squeeze the water from her hair. Then, feeling nausea start to creep up on her, she gives up and slides to the floor, winding her arms around her knees.

 

She almost went back to Dan, but something had prevented her. If she is truthful with herself, then she knows that he can’t make her happy. He could never make her happy and she would only ever make him unhappy. Love should be everything and she can’t, won’t, settle for anything less and neither will he.

 

And that also means not running back to Patrick when she’s miserable and suffocated by monotony. She had thought that she might have been in love with him five years ago, but he is right. It was just infatuation; they might have had their moments, they might even have been inevitable, but ultimately they had destroyed whatever remnants of friendship left between them.

 

She drops her head onto her bent knees, back cold against the door.

 

 

End.

 

                        

     

 

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