Shermtank 2003: 6�7 (989.49) 2nd Pl
Shermtank 2004:
Win Percentage: 0.500
Assistant Buyer (aka Data Entry Bitch Extraordinaire) at dd�s Discounts, a division of Ross Stores, Inc.
BUT SERIOUSLY, I�D RATHER BE I�d still rather be the General Manager of the New York Yankees, or any professional sports franchise for that matter. I�d even settle for the Commissioner of a Fantasy Football League.
BIGGEST RIVAL Jay because he beat me last year by the narrowest of margins; Dave because I just like beating him at things; Marc because I like to see him lose; Nick because he is a closet carnivore, and he won�t admit it; Parker because people STILL ask him about being on MTV; Gregg because I want his job, and I will kill to get it. I�m serious; Scott because he steals all the league�s money; Navid because he�s tall. That�s it; Josh because he is in a happy and healthy relationship with a member of the opposite sex. I don�t even know how to talk to the opposite sex; Brock because he always thinks he�s better than me at everything. He�s not; Rich because he missed last year�s draft; Brian because he is the silent fantasy assassin. Every single year; Jarrett because he�s the rookie. And I will not let him forget it.
HARDEST PLAYER TO NOT KEEP Anquan Boldin because he�s going to be a stud. And believe it or not, my kicker, Mike Vanderjagt, because he�s a record setter, and he�s automatic.
PLAYER TO BUILD YOUR TEAM AROUND Peyton Manning. He�s consistent, durable, stays healthy, has all the weapons around him, and puts up huge numbers. Except in one game last season. That�s right, I�m still bitter.
FAVORITE PLAYER Brett Favre. He�s a Hall of Fame quarterback, plays through anything, and pushes his team to win regardless of the obstacles. In some circles, I am regarded as the Brett Favre of our generation.
SINCE THE SUPER BOWL Since the Super Bowl, I have continued to be miserable. The outcome of the game didn�t have nearly the uplifting effect on my life that I was hoping it would. Janet�s breast affected me the same way every other breast affects me � I ran screaming in the opposite direction. My imaginary girlfriend thinks it�s quite odd.
LESSONS LEARNED FROM LAST YEAR Save your best games for the fantasy postseason. If your quarterback throws for 6 TDs in a game, your running back runs for 295 yards in a game, your wide receiver sets a rookie receptions record, and your kicker sets a record for consecutive kicks made � don�t be thrilled that it happened. Be pissed that it didn�t happen when it counts � in the fantasy postseason.
LESSONS YOU WILL BE TEACHING THIS YEAR How to rebound from a disappointing end to last season to grab the title this season.
IF YOU COULD HAVE SEX WITH� Jessica Simpson. I reserve the right to change this frequently throughout the year. And yes, I am still a Duff man, even though Lohan and I are engaged.
MISC Ladies, It�s nice to have everyone back in the fold in year 3 of the now infamous ROFFL. I would also like to extend a big welcome to our sole newcomer, Jarrett. It is with great pleasure that I embark on the long and heart wrenching path toward Fantasy Football immortality. Along the way, you all will be stomped on, embarrassed, and thoroughly dismantled as my carefully assembled team picks the competition apart, one week at a time. I would like to thank you for participating � your efforts do not go unnoticed. Enjoy the season, and remember � it�s just a game.
2004 DRAFT KEEPERS
Peyton Manning, QB
Jamal Lewis, RB
